I found the reason for the monkeywrench in the system, the J/P switch for introverts – Russia doesn’t want us to be able to do ‘reflexive control’

We can’t do disinformation operations on foreign countries, because we are unable to use socionics. ‘Reflexive control’ is what I was just reading about, as something done by Russia. Socionics is also in Russia, and ‘reflexive control’ involves knowing how the enemy thinks. You can’t know how the enemy thinks if you have to use the utter garbage like the American system of the Myers-Briggs and Jungian functions or whatever it was called, the ones that all do the J/P switch for introverts and have totally ruined all of the systems so completely that all of them are unusable, and all of them are ignored by anyone who could ever have seriously used them for any purposes, like military disinformation.

wrote a really long thing about how annoying it was to buy a new toothbrush; then switched to talking about socionics; none of it was really all that interesting

I didn’t get online all day until now. I’m still sort of sick again. I have a very negative feeling about society. I am convinced that we are in the middle of a total gang war, class war, in society right now, and that I am in the landless class. And these are ‘normal-looking’ white European American-looking gangs and classes. I’m not in the city, and it isn’t an obvious race war, but everything happening is about gangs and about social classes. I just don’t feel like writing much about it right now. I talked about other stuff instead when I wrote this earlier in notepad.

9:52 AM 12/17/2024

I have to remember to go give a five star rating to the Plus Ultra toothbrush. Even though its bristles are made out of nylon, I will overlook that. I bought a new toothbrush recently, because there’s one that I’ve had for a long time, and for various reasons, I sort of wanted a new one, but it wasn’t urgent. The one that I was using for a very long time was this travel toothbrush, where it comes apart into two pieces, and you can insert one piece into the other so that it becomes a closed container. Since I’m not using it for travel, and never take it anywhere, it’s just simply a toothbrush that requires constant mental focus to use, in case it accidentally comes apart while I’m using it. It also has probably gradually gotten dirty or worn out over time.

I bought a new one, sort of on a whim, but I bought it from the normal, mainstream toothbrush section. All of those toothbrushes annoy me, every single one, and I was very annoyed while trying to choose which one I would buy. I don’t want anything that says ‘whitening.’ If it has some kind of chemicals in it that somehow whiten your teeth, I absolutely do not want those chemicals, and I do not want my teeth to be whitened. If it has something ‘antibacterial’ or something in it, I forget what they said, then I don’t want that either. There are specialized toothbrushes with weird features and weird chemicals. So I was reading the labels and trying to AVOID all of those, and just get the most normal, most plain toothbrush that I could get. Meanwhile, all of them also have artificial colors infused into the bristles, because you are allegedly supposed to look and see when those colors fade away, and that’s supposed to tell you that the toothbrush is worn out and needs to be replaced. I don’t want artificial colors infused into my toothbrush bristles, but this is almost universal and impossible to avoid. They also have these excessively complicated designs, kind of like shoes and cars, where somebody micro-designs every single cubic inch of it to have some super-specialized shape, and the shape is unnecessary and overkill and extremely specific. That way, you can change the design of a car, or a shoe, every single year, changing these tiny and pointless nuances, so that you can see that the three-dimensional shape of the thing is slightly different than it used to be, and you just HAVE TO buy more of them, otherwise you will miss out on some unnecessary, weirdly specific shape that only existed for one year. Toothbrushes are being shaped like that. They have all these different colors all over them, and they have all these different wrinkles, and they are curved into an exact curvature. It’s like they wanted to be a sculptor, but instead, they got a job as a toothbrush designer. And it’s allegedly supposed to ‘bend and flex’ and do complicated things in response to the forces applied to it while brushing your teeth.

So I was very annoyed, disgusted, frustrated, and impatient, while I was choosing which compromise would be the least offensive to me. I finally got one, but I decided to try the ‘medium’ hardness bristles, instead of ‘soft.’ I think it might have been a dentist years ago who had recommended that maybe I should try soft bristles – there have been some rare occasions when dentists told me the truth about something, and one dentist, one time, told me that it was my TARTAR CONTROL TOOTHPASTE that was causing my teeth to all be in agonizing, unbearable pain. The other thing that I myself observed was that Tom’s of Maine natural toothpaste will also cause my teeth to all be in agonizing pain. They didn’t bother troubleshooting all the ingredients to find out that some particular ingredient in there causes unbearable pain. I am not sure, but I wonder if it might be the natural mint flavoring, but I don’t actually know. There’s no real reason why you need to have mint in your mouth. Mint is poisonous and it causes menstruation or miscarriages or abortions. I certainly don’t want any other artificial flavors either, or saccharin, or …. that sugar alcohol thing that I don’t remember the name of, or literally EVERY SINGLE INGREDIENT THAT IS IN TOOTHPASTE, but have never been able to follow through on the project, with all of the testing,
troubleshooting, making things at home from scratch, research, and so on, whenever I seem to tolerate just using plain old ordinary mainstream Colgate cavity protection, as long as there isn’t anything weird like ‘tartar control’ in it. I actually hate every single ingredient that is in every single toothpaste that exists, including Tom’s of Maine because that one gave me tooth agony. I kind of felt good after swishing my mouth with probiotics the other day, but I do not entirely agree with the particular choices of which types of bacteria should be included, because there’s something in there that causes me to have an intense hunger sensation whenever I use those probiotics, which is why I don’t use them very often.

After I bought this weirdly shaped, annoying, anger-provoking toothbrush that I really hated, but desperately needed, and had to sit there feeling this dislike and hate, anger and frustration, and dissatisfaction while using it, I tried using it, and felt as though it was too harsh on my teeth, because the bristles were medium instead of soft – I hadn’t been sure what to expect with that.

And you can’t even set the toothbrush down on a flat surface, with the toothpaste on it, because of all those weirdly shaped curvatures. The handle is curved so that it is unstable if you set it down. You *CAN* balance it, very, very carefully, but the slightest nudge or tip will knock it over.

I went back out again, and I would say that I had some sort of ‘benevolent guide’ going along with me, who urged me to try this. I picked up a toothbrush from a totally different location, from the ‘natural products’ section – and I’m still dissatisfied with most of those things, because, for example, I picked up a deodorant and read the label, and what did it have but the most toxic, most painful thing I had ever tested, magnesium hydroxide. I’m actually dissatisfied with EVERY SINGLE PRODUCT OUT THERE, even the ones that are ‘slightly more natural’ or ‘slightly more ecological’ in their emphasis and marketing.

But, from that section, I got a toothbrush that was called ‘Plus Ultra,’ and I think it said that it was made by women. I actually approve of the idea of women-owned businesses. There REALLY IS such a thing as a ‘toxic patriarchy.’ I don’t normally go around calling myself a feminist, or focusing on feminist issues, but for instance, if any female car mechanics existed, I would definitely go to them and nowhere else. I’m sick of dealing with car mechanics who are liars and scammers, and 100% of them are liars and scammers, who are all damaging cars deliberately and creating more business for their buddies, while receiving business created by their buddies for them, so that all of their customers go around from one person to the other, constantly dissatisfied because their mechanic destroyed their car, so that Mechanic A’s customer goes over to Mechanic B in dissatisfaction, and Mechanic B’s customer goes over to Mechanic A in dissatisfaction, and all of them are constantly getting a steady stream of business while 100% of them are actively sabotaging people’s cars.

I bought this toothbrush. It’s bamboo. I am not obsessed with bamboo, the same way that I am not obsessed with hemp. I know that bamboo and hemp exist. I could’ve been a fan of hemp, except that I tried eating hemp seeds and they were a deadly poison, so I am no longer a fan of hemp, now that I know about transdermal drugs that go through the skin, and so I wonder about fabrics and ropes made out of hemp, and wonder how much CBD is going through your skin if you are touching and handling fabrics and ropes made of hemp.

Anyway, I know the reasons for using bamboo. However, I’m a believer in coppicing and pollarding. So I don’t think that normal wood is unsustainable.

I could use boar bristles in a toothbrush. I’ve used boar bristle hairbrushes, but the bristles are too flimsy and bendable, not stiff enough to penetrate my hair, even though I LITERALLY HAVE THE THINNEST HAIR ON THE ENTIRE PLANET, and hardly any amount of it, and my hair’s terminal length is the shortest terminal length available out of all the possible terminal lengths that are within the normal range of terminal lengths (‘classic length,’ or ‘waist length,’ or ‘hip length,’ something like that, is my terminal length – none of this ‘ankle length’ or ‘beyond floor length’ stuff for me).

So I like this toothbrush because it’s perfectly flat. You can set it down on a flat surface, and it’s stable and it won’t fall over. It is also simple, so that I do not have this emotional reaction of disgust at all of the unnecessary, unwanted, excessive overdesign and overcomplexity of all the weirdly shaped surfaces, with weird wrinkles, weird colors, and weird curvatures.

I do appreciate this toothbrush, and if I can ever remember, I will go online and try to give it a good rating, unless it’s really hard to find a web page where I can do that without having to create some kind of username and password. I hate amazon. I’ve hated amazon ever since the ‘fake seeds from China’ incidents that I had years ago. Now, from what I’m hearing from other people online, they say that amazon can’t even be trusted to sell BOOKS anymore, and that’s what I was always saying, was, ‘Oh well, at least amazon is good for ONE thing, and that’s BOOKS – you can still buy books from amazon!’ Not anymore. They say amazon is selling fake books that aren’t even accurate copies of the real books. People are making fake, imitation books that aren’t even well done or accurate.

10:26 AM 12/17/2024
Totally different subject. The judger-perceiver divide, and also, contact functions versus inert functions in socionics. I DO NOT KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THIS except a few tiny scraps of information, because I spend almost zero time in any socionics forums reading or doing anything at all or talking to anyone at all about socionics theory. I only use socionics for my own uses, which is, to guess the types of coworkers, crushes, acquaintances, enemies, celebrities, and people I interact with in general. I also know that electronic mind controllers interact with my socionic functions, such that they trigger rage and hatred and loathing, for instance, by using disvalued functions, or whatever.

There really is a big divide between judgers and perceivers, J and P, and in the last week or two, I have had a sort of entity or persona that seems to be a J, interacting with my brain more than usual. I will be vague because I don’t actually know who it is. For all that I know, it could be the people riding in on the Mid-Atlantic Flying Car Fleet, from Iran or whoever it was that did it.

I do not have the opportunity to do this experiment the way that I would like to. I have wanted to test what would happen if a group of people got together and cooperated in some way, with all of the perceivers from all four quadras in the group – not just a group with one or two types from one or two quadras, but all four of them. The reason is so that we would have representation of all of the various abilities, all of the various strengths, in this group of people, instead of having informational blind spots. It could become a very large group of people. The minimum is sixteen people, because there are eight types, and I want a male and female of each type. I want to know what the information flow would feel like in this group. It would be all these sensing perceivers and intuiting perceivers, together.

I know that it WOULD NOT BE PERFECT, and I am not claiming that it is. I am absolutely not claiming that. I have seen issues myself interacting with other perceivers. But nevertheless, I have never been in a group that had a minimum of sixteen people, with a male and female of each of the eight perceiving types. I have only been in groups in places like workplaces, which had unequal, random
distributions of types and sexes, or biased distributions, because some type of workplace will attract certain kinds of people. It would be better to have more than just that minimum of sixteen people to choose from, because there are observable differences between different members of the same types.

I would want to know the answers to questions like, what would a workplace be like if there weren’t any managers? Managers are usually J types. What kind of economic system would people have if there weren’t any J types? What kind of legal system would this group have if there weren’t any J types, because judges, for instance, are literally Judger types? What kind of land ownership system would they have if there weren’t any J types? I have observed that it seems like ESTPs are often involved in real estate. ESTP is my socionic contrary relation, so socionics might be part of the reason why I feel as though ‘The real estate system is the root of all evil.’ It might be partially socionics that is causing me to feel that way. What kind of zoning laws would people have if there were no J types? I once was in a socionics forum, and there was one forum member who claimed that he was a SLI, that is, delta ISTP SiTe, the same type that I am, and he was also involved in a job that had to do with zoning, city design. One of the youtube channels, or a couple, that talk about designing cities is made by an ENFP, and another channel also seemed like it might possibly be an ENFP. There are people who are more intelligent, and there are people who are less intelligent, who can be the same socionic type.

I only know this: I’ve had relationships with a few different people who were J types in the past. My brain has a genuine psychological need to receive this information feed or information flow from perceivers, and I tend to go seeking it somehow if I am not getting it. It has happened before. I was in a relationship with a J type, and I had been reluctant to get into the relationship in the first place, because I remembered my dual, Rachael, who was ENFP, and I always said, ‘I want to find a guy who will be my soulmate, who will be exactly like Rachael except as a male.’ That’s before I knew socionics, so I was unable to simply say ‘my dual.’ But they also have to be intelligent, because unintelligent duals aren’t giving you a lot of information or interaction that you need. There are major differences between different people of the same type, and some duals will be more desirable or more compatible than others, even though they’re all ENFPs.

But anyway, in that relationship that I was in with a J type, I had this feeling that I needed to go seeking something elsewhere, and I started chatting with people online at a chat website that existed at the time. The person who I started talking to was INTP, which is another one of the types that I have tended to be attracted to over the years – one reason why I feel like Bukalov’s Model B seems to explain something that Model A doesn’t explain (disclaimer, I can’t read Russian, so I don’t know how the model works – I know next to absolute zilch about Model B except for a few tiny fragments of things that I’ve seen in forums). Whenever I am in a relationship with J types, I start to feel overstressed somehow, worn out, strained, and I have felt this way with several different types. I’ve been with people in my own socionic quadra, the ESTJs and INFJs. Yes, I can get along with them – for a period of time – but I start to have this feeling, and don’t make fun of me for describing it this way, but I feel this sort of ‘soul yearning.’ It’s this feeling that my soul, my spirit, me, I am not getting something that I need, and that thing is something that comes from perceivers, and I feel this need that I have to find the perceivers and get something from them. It’s some kind of mutual perception, some kind of mutual understanding, some way of seeing the world. If I am not getting that feeling of a shared understanding, then I feel like I am missing something. I feel strained, worn out, and lonely, if I am surrounded by nothing but judgers, and in a relationship with nothing but judgers, for a long period of time. I’ve also had a couple of relationships that didn’t last very long, where we didn’t spend very much time together at all, and those were with benefactors, both up and down, so that I spent some small amount of time with a couple of alpha INTJ TiNes, and a small amount of time with a couple of gamma ISFJ FiSes.

Part of this comes from me living in State College for years and years and years. I swear, in State College, the population must be overwhelmingly ISTJs, my quasi-identical. I actually do pretty well with my quasi-identicals. We are able to communicate and share knowledge and understanding very easily. However, once again, it is exhausting and lonely if I am somehow forced to spend all of my time with nothing but large groups of quasi-identicals, which is what it seemed to be like in State College.

The thing that I’m imagining, in this group of perceivers, is a test, an experiment, to find out the answers to the questions, because I don’t actually KNOW those answers. I don’t know in advance the answer to the question of how perceivers will resolve their conflicts with other perceivers. I want to see all of the information flowing between all four quadras of the perceivers. They have to be able to learn things from each other and help each other. It is a completely unnatural, artificial experiment, because there is no place in real life where sociotypes have naturally been filtered out in such a way that it ends up like this by sheer accident. There is always some kind of irregular, unabalanced arrangement in the real world, like, ‘State College is a geographic location where a hundred bazillion ISTJs are all clustering together in one tiny area.’

So living in State College for years and years is one of the things that made me aware of how lonely and frustrated I felt. Whenever I moved away from there, I encountered other clusters of people that were more mixed, including more perceivers, and suddenly, it was a much more relaxed and peaceful environment where I didn’t feel so lonely and isolated.

It is totally experimental and unknown, because I really for real DO NOT KNOW THE ANSWERS as to which sociotypes are primarily responsible for creating which social structures or social phenomena. Whatever happens, it will be UNEXPECTED and UNPREDICTED.

One of my reasons for doing this is because there’s this temptation to BLAME A CERTAIN TYPE for all of the problems of society, and that especially happens whenever I’m being mind controlled. There will be some mind controller who gets the idea that they want to tell me that some certain type X is the reason why we have all sorts of problems. I am never sure of that, because I can always think of other individuals who I think are type X who I might have liked, or who weren’t a problem, or who were doing something that I valued. You have to do EXPERIMENTS where you deliberately group people together, and see what they do, in order to understand how sociotypes play a role in causing certain kinds of social phenomena to occur.

I’ve experienced a few situations, at workplaces over the years, where we would TEMPORARILY have a group of nothing but perceivers
interacting with each other, only out of luck, just because it happened to be that way for a few moments. I remember this happened once when I was working at Maki Yaki. The two managers I had typed, probably, ESTJ and ISFJ, a semi-dual married couple. There was one time when they weren’t there with us, and we were all alone, and it was a group which included perceivers from, maybe possibly, all four quadras, but I don’t remember for sure. It was ALMOST all four quadras. A few people were missing. It wasn’t all eight. It was more like, maybe, five or six people, where there were a couple duplicates. There was an INTP, an ISTP, another suspected ISTP, an ISFP, and….. I don’t think that we had the representation of an INFP at the time. Then there were one or two other types that were extraverts, maybe, but I don’t remember for sure and don’t know who they were. There might have possibly been an additional ISFP maybe.

We had this long conversation one time when we somehow all got together after work was over. All of us, this group of perceivers who were all mostly introverted, were all talking, and there was this magical, wonderful flow of information. It felt amazing. It felt like energy. The information was flowing comfortably and smoothly between us all. We were describing, basically, ‘all of the things that annoy us about this workplace,’ something like that, as the topic of discussion. It annoys me that they do this, it annoys me that they do that, one time this happened, one time that happened, and so on.

It is a lot like ‘entmoot,’ in a way – I’m currently still listening to the Lord of the Rings audiobooks. Entmoot is over and done with, and we’ve destroyed Isengard and are all now standing around talking while we decide what will happen to Saruman. But entmoot is a lot like what we were doing, in that perceiver group. We were all sharing information…. until something eventually would HAPPEN. Normally, in those conversations, ‘the thing that happens’ is that I have to go to the bathroom really badly, because I’m using a lot of caffeine, so I will suddenly and finally say that I really for real have to leave right now, I have to go to the bathroom. But aside from somebody having to go to the bathroom really badly, there will be some moment, some time, when they are gradually realizing something, understanding something, or deciding something. With perceivers, the ultimate final end goal is going to be with perceiving functions, whatever those are. We’ve NEVER HAD ENOUGH TIME to actually get through whatever it is that we’re trying to get through, and also, WE ARE ALWAYS MISSING SOMEBODY from the quadras. There is never a complete representation of all eight perceiving sociotypes, and there is especially never an equal representation of men and women of all those types. That would have to be set up artificially.

I would have to use less caffeine, because caffeine makes me get overexcited and impatient, so that I will jump in and interrupt people and talk more than I should. You don’t want to have one person dominating the conversation because they’re on some kind of drug that gives them too much energy. I have encountered people who will absolutely NEVER STOP TALKING, and this is caused by some kind of disturbance in their physical body, such as drug addiction, and also toxic contamination on their skin and belongings, or any other kind of disease, including things like gallbladder blockages that will cause endless anger. Again, I said that this arrangement will NOT BE PERFECT, and there will still be problems caused by drug addiction, health problems, or other unknown and undefined problems that are outside the category of ‘what sociotype they are.’

Perceivers are ABLE TO USE JUDGING FUNCTIONS. We constantly do. It’s just that the final result of our existence, our highest value, is going to be a perceiving function. We want that to be the ‘end result’ of all that we do. A judger is using perceiving functions, too. A judger has eyes, and they’re able to see with their eyes, and they’re able to feel with their skin, and they’re able to move their bodies around and walk, and they’re able to hear noises, like a sensor would do, and they’re able to detect the passage of time or whatever else it is that intuitives do. They HAVE to do those things, in order to exist, but the end result, for a judger, is going to be a judging function, which will either be some kind of thinking, or some kind of feeling, and the details will vary depending on what type.

I’m especially curious to know, in this group of perceivers, what would happen to the information that is contained in our mobilizing functions? We use our mobilizing functions a lot. We value that function, but it also often annoys other people, who can see that we are using it badly. I’ve had several conflicts with perceivers where I was *PRETTY SURE* that they were using their mobilizing function badly in a way that annoyed me. We would have to get some kind of feedback from other PERCEIVERS who were using that same function. I would get feedback from my duals, who were using their Fi creative function, and I would also get feedback from superegos, who might use their Fi demonstrative function, and so on. The information would have to come from somewhere, but it could only come from other perceivers in this group.

Since I can only socialize with people at work, during work hours, and every project has failed where I have ever made any attempt at all to reach out to people locally for socializing, my conversations have been limited. I have few examples to look at, and have no control over the sociotypes of the people who were involved. Because we were trapped at a workplace, where none of us actually WANT to be, these perceiver-only conversations would often be about the topic of ‘what we hate about this workplace.’ I can’t remember exactly what that one conversation was, at another workplace, a couple years ago, where I happened to notice that all of us were standing outside, in a group, after work was over, and I was *PRETTY SURE* (although I make a lot of mistakes) that everybody involved in the conversation was a perceiver. I don’t remember if that one individual was there who I strongly dislike in hindsight, after I know some things about him that I didn’t know at the time, and I suspected he was a perceiver, but again, I wasn’t absolutely sure. All of the people in the EXPERIMENT would have to be TYPED VERY CAREFULLY, and even though I’m mostly concerned with the perceiver group, because I myself am a perceiver and I would enjoy finding out what it feels like to be in this group, a separate group of judgers would still be necessary, if only because a judger group is needed to determine what type someone is. If you find a test subject, you have to guess what type they are, and one way of finding out what type they are is, throw them into THIS group for five minutes, and then throw them into THAT group for five minutes, and then get an impression, from both the group and also from the test subject, whether that person ‘fits in’ to the group and is the same – either a perceiver or a judger. You are going to get a person who causes more pain and irritation in one group than they do in the other group. They will have more loneliness and misunderstanding in one group than they do in the other group.

WARNING: There are going to be mentally ill people, who have some kind of disability, who are really hard to type, and who are ***GOING TO ANNOY EVERYBODY OF EVERY SINGLE TYPE BECAUSE THEY ARE MENTALLY ILL AND THERE IS REALLY SOMETHING WRONG WITH THEM***. I’m thinking of a few examples of people over the years, whose types I could not really guess, who just simply ***HAD SOMETHING WRONG WITH THEM***, who were just so annoying that nobody, anywhere, of any type at all, anywhere in society, could stand them. I’m thinking of specific examples of people I’ve encountered in the real world, or online, who were obsessed with sexual fetishes because they had some kind of mental illness, who would go around doing creepy, horrible, sexual things, and I don’t even CARE what type they are, I don’t want them in the group. Even if they were the ‘right’ type, and even if they were some ‘desired’ type that the group needed because it was missing some particular representative, I DO NOT WANT TO DEAL WITH THESE PEOPLE.

I am remembering something that Diana Leafe Christian said, when she wrote her books about intentional communities. She said, regretfully, that there are going to be times when some person wants to join an intentional community, and you have to say ‘no’ because the person will cause all sorts of problems, and she had this kind of mental profile of the particular kinds of people who she would often encounter, who would follow particular patterns and have particular kinds of problems.

A new, fragile community with hardly any members, and hardly any resources, and no money at all, DOES NOT HAVE THE RESOURCES NEEDED to cope with people who have major problems, severe health problems, severe mental problems, anything at all. You will have to start off by collecting people who are, obviously, not perfect, but also not disastrously bad off. They have to have some minimal level of normality. When the community is huge, and wealthy, and powerful, with thousands of members, they may have enough resources socially that they are able to cope with the difficulties of someone who has a whole bunch of needs and demands and weaknesses that go beyond the usual level. You can’t have your people getting all of their time
monopolized by this one person who has huge, overwhelming problems and needs. Diana Leafe Christian wrote about that phenomenon in her books about intentional communities. A new intentional community’s power and resources are LIMITED. It is MUCH SMALLER than the surrounding mainstream community, which has a lot more power and resources and time to devote to helping people who have problems. 12:01 PM 12/17/2024

false flag – okay… just questioning something, people are REACTING to a piece of information that we don’t even know is correct yet

I’m seeing something on youtube where ‘The CEO of Peak Design is the one who reported Luigi Mangione because they were able to get his name by finding out the serial number on his backpack.’ This sounds exactly like when they directed all that hate at Monica Keasler, who was falsely accused of reporting Peanut the Squirrel and getting him killed. I believe her, when she was interviewed, and she seemed sincere, when she claimed it was a false accusation, and when she said, there was some OTHER anonymous person in the forum who probably reported Peanut, then stole her photo and got her blamed for it. It’s a false flag attack. ‘Hey, look! The person who reported Peanut was wearing THIS FACE!’ [insert photo of Monica Keasler]. It’s like they’re doing the exact same thing here. It feels the same. ‘The person who reported Luigi Mangione as the customer who purchased the backpack with this serial number is This CEO Here! at Peak Design!’ [waving the false flag again]. Hey everybody! Look over here at this FALSE FLAG! This is the person who did it!

By what means, exactly, did somebody find out about this alleged phone call where the Peak Design CEO called someone – who? – and said, ‘I can get you the name of the customer who bought the backpack that had that serial number,’ and then allegedly gave them Luigi’s name. What were the names of all the people involved in these conversations? Who was this a phone call to?

Now it’s this big compilation of tiktok videos where people are REACTING to the ‘fact’ that ‘some anonymous hero’ [who, exactly, discovered this fact?] DISCOVERED SOMEHOW, by some means, that this alleged communication occurred in which the CEO of Peak Design informed somebody that the serial number of the backpack matched one purchased by Luigi?

I could make up another factoid that said that the CEO of the Monopoly board game called the police, and said, if you give me the serial numbers on the Monopoly money that was found in the backpack – which Luigi questioned and said that wasn’t his, something had been planted by the cops, but I do not know the exact list of objects that he said didn’t belong to him – he disputed the amount of money that they claimed he had, for instance, and disputed a few other objects that they claimed belonged to him – anyway, I could claim that the Monopoly board game manufacturers were the ones who reported him instead.

I’m not going to react to some factoid claiming that ‘WE KNOW WHO TO BLAME NOW,’ especially with Peanut the Squirrel still fresh in my memory.

I still do not have enough information to know whether or not Brian Thompson was the correct choice of a person to extrajudicially execute in order to effectively have an impact on the problem, or whether he was a low-ranking villain with little impact, while the people whose absence would actually make a difference were elsewhere. That’s why I hesitate with these things.

I’ve personally experienced what happens whenever the entire state and local police departments are 100% corrupted so that they all ignore dozens of complaints from multiple people, protecting a wealthy gang while harassing innocent and powerless citizens, so I know there are situations where people themselves are the only police. Ordinary people become the police and the court, because the police have ceased to exist, and are nothing but a gang of thugs like any other gang of thugs, but with fancy uniforms and a lot of money and resources.

The entire pharmaceutical industry kills millions of people, and there are no government institutions that stop them from doing that. I only hesitate, not knowing the exact reasons why he chose that one particular person, and not some other particular person instead, as the execution target.

I didn’t get groundcherries this year, so I didn’t do a major folk music search

The groundcherries were medicinal. They had a very specific effect, which was, they gave me this urge to go hunting for esoteric, strange, unfamiliar folk music on youtube. I became able to do this search for hours and hours. It is not a normal mind state, not for prolonged periods of time.

I did go get some groundcherries, a few days ago, from one particular location, but they didn’t get enough sun, and they were sour and bad tasting. They would be fine for planting seeds, and that’s what I would use them for. They need to be directly in a very sunny place to become sweet.

Youtube found me the theme of ‘intelligent and talented delta INFJ FiNe socionic activator relations writing music.’ I looked at those types of things for a while, but now, youtube has nothing but that. Activity relations or activator relations make your brain feel exhausted after a while. You don’t have a limitless ability to immerse yourself into this way of thinking forever and ever without becoming tired and worn out. I clicked ‘like’ on the things that were on that theme, and youtube suddenly collected ten million different things all along that same theme now.

‘reconnaissance’ is a word that I seem to be okay with

I have forgiven French, the language, for having too much Latin mixed in with it. I was kind of mad because the Romans and the Greeks invaded all of Europe and spread all of their culture everywhere, so that I couldn’t remember my Old English culture anymore. So I disliked any languages that had a whole lot of Latin mixed in with them, like French. But I forgave French recently during an unsustainable manic project, triggered by an unknown substance exposure most likely, where I temporarily listened to an audiobook from the library, ‘Learn French In Your Car,’ or something like that.

So I am able to forgive French for the word ‘reconnaissance.’ It has a whole bunch of n’s and s’s in it. I saw the word ‘reconnaissance’ in a Jon Rappoport email just now, which is what made me remember this. I had forgotten to google it. I was at some random location recently, and a car was parked in the parking lot at a store, and some old men were in this car or truck thing, and some kind of thing on the car said ‘Long Range Reconnaissance Association,’ or something. I couldn’t remember what it was, and I googled, ‘Long Distance Reconnaissance Club,’ and google was able to figure it out. I only knew that it sounded interesting.

It turns out that the idea of ‘reconnaissance’ actually doesn’t offend me, which is a surprise, because I’m offended by everything. I actually LIKE the concept of ‘reconnaissance.’ It means that you’re preparing a plan, in advance, by going and looking at things first. That sounds like exactly what I would do. Don’t just jump right in there and start doing some stuff. Go look at it first.

The ‘Maryland Punch’ – I requested a euphemism for ‘To Be Luigi’d,’ and they gave me one

I kind of like the ‘Maryland Punch.’ I’m sure there are more possible euphemisms. Luigi was from Maryland, if I recall correctly.

I haven’t checked the news or anything yet, so I don’t know what’s going on. I saw my previous browser tabs and all that, being reminded that the Department of Homeland security likes the drones and approves of them, and says, ‘Blubber blubber, boo hoo, sob sob, so sad! Frownie face! We’re just not authorized to shoot them down, even though we’re at the highest levels of the federal government!’ That means the drones belong to the Department of Homeland Security, and they’re going to be used for EVEN MORE gangstalking, like what I’ve been personally experiencing.

it’s not that I can’t just crush some apricot or peach pits from the grocery store if I wanted

But the whole point was to get chokecherries, because I’ve never tried them before, and because they’re native. If B17 was the only thing that I wanted, then I would just buy pitted fruits at the grocery store and crush the pits. I don’t remember all the different ones – peaches, apricots, plums, and anything else, nectarines – they all have pits, so you just crush those and then, maybe, sun-dry them or something, and eat some of it. The sun-drying might be pointless, I don’t know. I only would do that because I would also intend to eat the berries, with the chokecherries. I might research how toxic each one was. I’m not concerned that it HAS to be NOTHING BUT that one particular species of fruit that they say they get laetrile from. It was bitter almond or something like that, or, I don’t remember, bitter apricots or something, or maybe almonds are the pits of apricots, or I don’t remember any of this. I’m not usually concerned with any of this, so I haven’t bothered to research any of it.

department of homeland security – the same people who do the gangstalking?

Yeah – there’s another news article, not from youtube, but from Epoch Tiimes – the Department of Homeland Security person says, ‘We don’t have the authority to shoot down the drones.’ That tells me
immediately that the DHS is the one who’s authorizing the drones to be there, and the drones have to do with gangstalking, which is what I personally was experiencing this year – drones that were personally harassing me and gangstalking me. Now they’re apparently deploying a whole bunch more drones to gangstalk even more people. If the Department of Homeland Security says it’s okay, then it must be intended for gangstalking purposes. I’m not remembering the name – ‘Fusion Centers?’ Somebody was talking about how the DHS runs these ‘Fusion Centers’ that are for gangstalking and brainwashing people. Anything having to do with DHS is absolute trash. ‘We don’t have the authority to shoot them down,’ coming out of the mouth of Homeland Security, means, ‘We want them so that we can surveil innocent people having sex inside their houses, even more than we already do.’

I’m just waiting and seeing about these drones

I get most of my news from my youtube feed. Not sure why. I’m paying attention to whatever shows up about the drones. It might be incorrect to call them drones, if they are not unmanned. By what means would someone determine whether or not they have people on them? I’m not wanting to shoot things down whenever they have people on them.

It’s hard or impossible for me to know which videos might have been made by AI, as in, the imagery. I’m seeing some things with orbs taking down a drone, for instance, and have no way to know whether it was a well-done AI-drawn video, or what. Maybe there are these orbs, and maybe there aren’t. If anything comes of it, then we’ll know. I’m not sitting here feeling ‘fear.’ It kind of annoys me whenever people portray anything having to do with UFOs as ‘scary.’ If you’re being abducted, yes, that’s scary, but not every single thing that you haven’t been able to identify is necessarily going to abduct you. When cars are driving down the highway, those cars are able to abduct you, but you aren’t scared at the sight of all cars.

I think Kim Jong Un ate at McDonald’s tonight, in the lobby, but I wasn’t scared when I saw him, either. Maybe you can see him on the surveillance camera. He was with a group of other people, acting normal. He probably came over in the drones. That’ll be what they’re for.

It amuses me to exaggerate and to blend exaggeration or speculation with reality, but not everyone knows exactly where the line is drawn. There was some dude who totally LOOKED exactly like Kim Jong Un. That’s all.

I just kind of scroll through to see if any of the news about the drones looks new and different, or more informative or unusual. The authorities are just stealing any fallen drones and then choosing what they will or won’t tell us, as always. Why aren’t NORMAL PEOPLE running over and grabbing those fallen drones? Have any drones even fallen for real? Are the ‘crashed drones’ just fake news? Why can’t NORMAL PEOPLE run over to a drone whenever it falls, and take pictures of it, and post all the pictures? Why is it that only the so-called ‘authority figures’ are the one and only group of people who are ever encountering these fallen drones, once they’re on the ground? Can’t someone take a picture when one falls in their backyard, BEFORE the firemen and policemen and military men get there and steal the whole thing away in the back of a truck? I’m not seeing any youtube videos at all showing what happens whenever John Q. Normal runs out in his backyard and starts taking a video of the drone that crashed before the ‘first responders’ got there to steal it away from us.

I was supposed to have a million crushed dried chokecherries this year, but they microwaved them all in the spring and killed all the flowers, along with cutting my hazel trees

There weren’t any chokecherries in the fall, or late summer, or whenever it is that they’re supposed to be there. Everything that I found was burned to a crisp, if any were there at all. It’s like the flowers didn’t even survive. We had the hundred-degree heat waves at the exact moment when the flowers had been there. Maybe it was a microwave attack, like Hawaii. Nothing survived. I couldn’t find any chokecherries at all, even though I found dozens and dozens of bushes in a lot of locations. I had intended to pound them, including the pits, with their vitamin B17 laetrile, and then, dry them in the sun, with the ultraviolet sunlight theoretically reducing the toxicity of the substances, the way the Native Americans used to do whenever they ate chokecherries, and they’ve noticed that it helps with cancer.

I don’t have any of that, so I’ll have to start getting more pawpaw twigs again. But I had so wanted to try the chokecherries this year.

I thought of ‘hazel tree,’ the bombs that came from Russia, which began with the letter O. Oreshnik? Somebody cut down my hazel trees that I found. They used heavy machinery, and went all the way down the path, doing a huge overkill, cutting way far back, pretending to do normal brush cutting, but actually doing way more than anybody ever needed, in a place where brush overhang wasn’t a problem at all. I did find a few beaked hazelnuts elsewhere, so they were not completely gone, but they got everything that was located at the exact
coordinates where I had marked them on my GPS, whenever I carried my car’s Garmin GPS up with me on the path. The battery doesn’t last long at all, so I can’t really use that for any long distances.

The Pokemon Go game, where they were recording local, small-scale visual images from a walker’s perspective, are capable of operating a self-guiding AI robot that doesn’t need to make references to an external GPS. It’s like it has already memorized the small local pathways of the entire area, like a human who had already taken long walks, long hikes, except that it gathered the data of thousands of humans, and put it all together into a database.

took probiotics, became very hungry and murderous while writing this second huge long blog post; the Mid-Atlantic Flying Car Fleet, where are they right now? I haven’t checked the news

9:22 AM 12/15/2024

I did go buy some probiotics, so I have a new bottle now. I don’t use tons and tons of them. I use small amounts, occasionally, if I think that I need them for some reason.

There is an interesting rationale for why I would choose to use probiotics when I have a bad cold like this. I do not know exactly what this cold is. It could even be whooping cough, which is bacterial. That was the first rationale for why I would use probiotic bacteria as a treatment.

The second rationale is, even if this cold is a virus, viruses also infect bacteria, and they infect your bacterial flora, the healthy bacterial flora that are supposed to be in your body. If I use probiotics, then I am replacing all of those bacterial flora that have been killed by this virus, or by my own immune system, because my immune system might have detected that our own bacterial flora are producing viruses now, so they might kill the entire bacterium and also kill the viruses coming from it. This is all theoretical.

What I find is that the probiotics help greatly with the raw, sandpapery throat that comes from coughing for days and days. My throat feels better very quickly. It could also be strep throat, which is bacterial. It isn’t THAT painful, though. But in theory, probiotics could potentially help with a strep throat infection – it might be worth a try.

Whenever I do buy probiotics, I try to get one that has as many different varieties of bacteria as possible. They are moderately expensive. I cured a clostridium difficile infection instantly overnight by taking only one probiotic pill. That happened a couple years ago. I think I had taken antibiotics for a tooth infection, if I recall. I was having a whole lot of unbearable pain from some of my teeth, but I also observed that this pain would happen if I had a covid infection. It also would get really bad if I drank pine needle tea, which is what I was testing at the time, because of covid, and it must have strong acids that will cause a lot of tooth pain.

But I was sometimes getting a painful tooth infection even when I wasn’t testing the pine needle tea, and I decided at some point that it was a real tooth infection and that I would go to a clinic or something, I forget where I went, and I got some antibiotics for it, and that’s how I ended up with chronic diarrhea from a c. diff infection. That went on for, I dunno, a few weeks. Then I took JUST ONE probiotic pill, and the c. diff went away instantly within 24 hours.

Anyway, I do have probiotics now. I opened up the pill, and dumped out small bits of it, and swished them around in my mouth with water, because I wanted to make sure that I got it into my mouth, since the raw throat is the first problem. I wanted to make sure it got into my throat, not just into the digestive system. I’m not making any attempt to inhale it into my lungs – I’ll just have to hope for the best, with that, that eventually the probiotics will spread around. Primarily, the probiotics will be affecting my throat, the easiest place to get them to.

One time, I tried drinking some probiotic fruit juice from the grocery store, and it was so disgusting that I hated it and could not choke it down. I don’t remember if I ever drank the whole container of it, or if I dumped it out or something and didn’t finish it, I just know that it felt like this unpleasant texture, not a taste, exactly, but this weird and unpleasant texture, sort of a ‘bacterial slime’ texture. It’s hard to describe, because it wasn’t exactly slimy, it was just very unpleasant.

Because of that, I’ve been afraid to open up the pills of probiotics and take little amounts of them, and have it in my mouth, because I’m afraid that the mouthfeel of it is going to be disgusting, but it’s actually not that bad with this dry powder in the pills. It wasn’t the same as that fruit juice stuff.

I instantly felt some kind of sensation within about five minutes of starting to take the little bits of probiotics. It does SOMETHING, and it does it very quickly. Probiotics, or bacteria in general, will also produce substances that are like neurotransmitters or drugs. They affect things like serotonin. I don’t want to casually throw around the word ‘serotonin’ as though it’s the one and only neurotransmitter that matters, and I don’t know exactly which neurotransmitters these probiotics might be producing, but they did SOMETHING, and I was able to feel it very quickly. It made this pleasant, relaxing, soothing feeling of relief all over my entire body, all the way down to my feet. Seriously, MY FEET felt different. I was lying in my recliner, and I suddenly became aware that my feet had a pleasant, soothing sensation of relief, in addition to the rest of my body.

There are some things that I don’t like about the probiotics, which is why I use them in a limited way. At some point, whenever I was licking little piles of powder off of my palm, I suddenly decided that I just ‘didn’t want any more.’ There was no reason, there was no explanation, I just ‘didn’t want any more,’ so I closed up the pill, which hadn’t been used up, just one single pill with only some of the powder dumped out, and I put the remainder of the pill back into the bottle.

There are some negative things that happen from this stuff. I have used this particular kind before. It will usually cause me to have a sensation resembling ‘low blood sugar,’ or ‘unexplained hunger and cravings,’ sometime later on, although this is not severe. It’s just mildly annoying, and it will pass. The other thing that it did to me last night was, it caused sensations of fear, and I was scared enough that I kind of wanted to turn on the lights. This is doing something to your neurotransmitters. I’m assuming that these probiotics really are what they say they are, live bacteria, and it’s really true that probiotic bacteria are producing something like neurotransmitters.

Dr. Mercola used to talk about these kinds of things. But Dr. Mercola is old, and he’s going to die someday. We have partially lost him already. I have this one site, NVIC, National Vaccine Information Center, and they told me something about Dr. Mercola. They said, they used to have this statue or something that was on his property, and they used to cooperate with him financially somehow, like, getting donations or something from him? I forget. It’s a site that talks about the harm done by vaccines, and criticizes vaccines.

I forget the details of exactly what happened, but this NVIC site said that Mercola gave them back the statue, or something, and wasn’t letting it sit on their property anymore. I am not online, so I can’t look it up to get the story straight. They also stopped giving them funding, or whatever. She told the story in an article. Mercola was now cooperating with some kind of cult-like person who believed that they were channeling an entity, a spiritual entity that was guiding them.

The quality of Mercola’s articles has gone down a LOT in the last couple years. I was subscribed to it on my RSS feed. The articles became just sort of uninformative and useless to me, not all that insightful, not all that informative, with nothing really new or unexpected, kind of spammy. The spammy feeling is like, telling you stuff that you already know, nothing really deep, nothing really interesting, not like some of the really insightful, really challenging stuff from the past.

The reason I’m mentioning all of this is because, in the past, whenever Mercola was still writing articles that WERE more insightful and informative, he talked about how bacterial flora produce neurotransmitters. That’s why I was thinking about all this. I’m not subscribed to the substack page, so I can’t look up old articles. He didn’t WANT his stuff to be hidden in a substack page that you have to pay for – he was being harassed by people and censored and attacked.

I didn’t do a whole lot of coughing and retching. I’m still coughing, but it hasn’t triggered the retching quite as much. *MAYBE* I will go to work today?

9:53 AM 12/15/2024
I don’t know if this was in the blog that I posted, or if it was in the previous notepad file that I didn’t post yet. I think it was in the blog that I posted. ***NO***, the kid did NOT make an actual OBSERVATION of ANYTHING AT ALL that would have informed him about something that was happening inside my house. The ‘event’ occurred while I was in the bathtub. AT THE MOMENT whenever this was going on, which was SILENT AND INAUDIBLE to anyone using normal methods of listening, with their ears, while standing far away from my house, all of a sudden, at the same time, I heard the neighbor Kevin through the walls of HIS trailer, and what I heard was, ‘UH! UH! UH! UH! UH! UH! UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!’ I can tell you now, this is the absolute LAST THING ON THE PLANET that I had any desire to hear AT ALL. This was VERY loud. I had never heard that particular thing from Kevin before.

I had already been hearing voices that had been ‘warning’ me, never to do this thing while inside my own house, at the campground – I must always drive my car someplace else, far away, and never be near anybody at the campground. On this particular occasion, I had decided to ignore that warning and do this at home. It was the only time that this thing happened after they moved us all up to the upper area in the campground – I had lived at a different location before, and I had never lived right next door to Kevin, or anywhere near the child psychopath kid before.

I do not know the answer to the question of how many people, or which people, were gangstalkers or individuals who were using psychotronic weapons and looking through the walls. However, I do believe that the Stoltzfuses were DEFINITELY using psychotronics, partly because of that one time, or many times, that I heard loud, obvious, low frequency oscillator noises coming out of their garage, nothing inaudible about it, nothing secretive about it, just, ‘Hey! Here we are! We’re playing a really loud sound in our garage for no reason!’ I had been lying out in the field nearby stargazing whenever they suddenly, out of nowhere, in the dark and in the middle of the night, for no reason, suddenly started blaring the sound of a low frequency oscillator out of the garage.

I know that everything that went wrong at the campground correlated with the Stoltzfuses. I know that all of the different conflicts between individuals correlated with the presence of the Stoltzfuses. I think that they were deliberately doing things to foster distrust between individuals, with the purpose of turning us all against each other, so that none of us would gang up together against the common enemy, the Stoltzfuses.

It is possible that they were ***SHOOTING BOTH OF US AT THE SAME TIME*** to make it appear as though Kevin was surveilling me. I do not know. Kevin was illiterate – he had a brain injury. It’s still possible that an illiterate person might be able to operate some kinds of equipment in a primitive way.

The ‘shooting both of us at the same time’ theory also applies to ANOTHER, separate incident, with a different person, and I was, in fact, questioning this person in my mind, not sure if I trusted him or not, because I didn’t know who was murdering my kittens. It was Tuggy. He was another person who I hadn’t lived near before, but I was suddenly moved up there to that section, and we were all close together. I wasn’t sure if he might be murdering my kittens or not. There was one time whenever I was being blasted with a psychotronic attack that was giving me an urge to do something, and I didn’t do it. I just sat there, resisting this urge that they were blasting me with. I resisted this attack for a long time.

Then, suddenly Tuggy got up and left his trailer, and went off and drove somewhere in his car. He came back the next morning, and I heard him talking to Kevin, and he said that he had driven away in his car, and then had gotten some beer or something, I forget, some kind of alcohol, and had gotten so drunk and gone to sleep that, when he woke up, he had no idea where he was, he was in his car, he was somewhere, he was disoriented and kind of lost, and wasn’t even sure how to get home, but obviously, he figured it out eventually. At the moment when Tuggy got up and left, the attack that I had been experiencing stopped happening.

It could be interpreted as: 1. Tuggy himself was doing an attack, to me. 2. Tuggy and I were both simultaneously being blasted with the same attack. I resisted it, but he gave in to it, and he went away and did something similar to the thing that they were trying to force me to do, because I would have also driven away in my car.

Everything that they did to us was intended to make us all have conflicts with each other, make us all distrust each other, isolate us and separate us from each other, and make it so that we were weak, we were powerless, we were unable to join together and fight against a common enemy, the bigger enemy, the Stoltzfuses, and whoever is above the Stoltzfuses.

With gang activities, the government might sometimes allow or encourage or actively send a larger, stronger gang into an area, so that the larger gang will destroy all of the smaller gangs and smaller perpetrators. That seems to be what happened. I am NOT SAYING THAT THIS IS A GOOD THING. It was a TERRIBLE thing, and I was the victim of it, and all of my cats were murdered and taken away, and horrible things happened to all of us. I am not saying that I approve of this, I am just saying that I know that this is something that the government does sometimes. There probably were a lot of individual, small-scale criminals, perpetrators, stalkers, psychotronic weapon users, and whatnot. The larger gang probably manipulated all of them as TOOLS TO USE FOR ITS PURPOSES, while fostering distrust and alienation between us all so that we could not fight back. One of the lines of bullshit that the CORRUPT STATE POLICE kept saying to me, every time I talked to them, was, ‘But the new owners are just CLEANING UP THE PLACE!’ That’s right! What a bunch of NICE GUYS they must be.

Anyway, this child psychopath kid would always go and talk and hang out together with Kevin. Kevin was ESTJ. I’m always trying to type people, and I tried to guess the types of the Feral Hog Family. Before I knew that they were all a bunch of murdering psychopaths, I actually sort of *LIKED* the father, the one time when he had spoken to me. He seemed friendly and likable. One of my POSSIBLE GUESSES was that they might actually be deltas, and they might have been some combination of ESTJs and INFJs. I’M STILL NOT SURE ABOUT THAT, and I also considered betas, like ESTPs and INFPs. However, it seems odd that an INFP child would be capable of spending long periods of time hanging out with his socionic conflictor the ESTJ. It would make more sense that the child was an INFJ, just a very sick, messed-up, evil one. Again, I say, every single one of all of the sixteen sociotypes is capable of being a psychopath, or a narcissist, or a mentally ill person with various kinds of physical or mental health problems. It’s just that their style will manifest in a different way, a different pattern, depending on what type they are.

I once saw John Stoltzfus, the sort of ‘black sheep’ brother of Brandon Stoltzfus – he might not actually be a ‘black sheep,’ but his personality is significantly different from his brother’s personality – I typed him as INFJ – I once saw him sort of ‘channeling’ the same spirit as the psychopath child. There was this one time, before I actually … I’m trying to use a phrase, it’s not ‘before I left,’ because I didn’t just ‘leave,’ it’s not ‘before I was evicted,’ because ‘being evicted’ was a technical, legal process that went on for several months; it’s more like, ‘Before they finally forced me out of there once and for all, with a police escort.’

Before I left, there was a time when the Stoltzfus family was all walking around up near where our trailers were, because they were getting ready to do renovations, and they had bulldozers and things they were driving around up there. Several of them had been talking. I was observing them. I had spoken to some of them, but I don’t remember what I said or asked them. There was a moment when the others had walked away, and John was by himself, holding some kind of object, but I don’t remember what it was. I don’t think it was a machete, exactly, but some kind of tool-like, weapon-like object in one of his hands. It was something normal, not abnormal, you know, anything, like maybe a shovel or something, but it was small enough that it could be swung around like a sword.

I saw him sort of swing this tool thing like a sword, just once, briefly, and the mood or feeling behind it was this sullen rebelliousness, like, ‘I’m angry.’ It’s like, somebody is pressuring me to do something, and I’m just surrendering and doing it, but I don’t want to, and I’m going to take my anger out by swinging this sword around. He looked like a child, but he was a fully grown man, and it was the exact feeling, the exact spirit, the same thing, as that psychopath child who had been abusing my kittens. He had the feeling of being an inferior.

One time, I’d had a conversation with him and Brandon about the Bellefonte Campground in general, about what they were doing, about how I thought it was wrong to evict all of us. ‘What else can we do?’ John said, in a hopeless, resigned way – hopeless resignation. I did try to answer him, as though it wasn’t a rhetorical question. I don’t remember my exact words, but I suggested that they could have gone through a process of building the new cabins, one by one, in between and among the existing trailers, without removing all of the existing trailers. There was no reason why they had to remove ALL of us, at the same time. They could have STARTED their building process, while leaving us all here. They could have built their new cabins anywhere that there was a free space, while allowing anyone to stay here who was already here. It was obvious to me that it was not a NECESSITY that they absolutely must evict all of us at the same time, as though there was NO OTHER OPTION or no other way of doing things.

I think their father is probably behind it. He would come over to the main cabin and visit sometimes, but, it’s my understanding that he might have lived somewhere else, and it might have been a midwestern state, and the way my brain remembered it was, ‘One of those midwestern states beginning with M or I,’ because there are so many of them, and I confuse them all. You know, there’s Michigan, Minnesota, Iowa, Illinois, all that stuff. I don’t know which one is which. Some of them are next to the Great Lakes, and some of the Great Lakes are named after them. You know, Lake Iowa, Lake Illinois, Lake Chicago, Lake Detroit, and all those other Great Lakes. My brain doesn’t remember anything.

I think I wrote it down somewhere, though, because I was attempting to surveil their license plates whenever they were parking there in that garage. They must have seen me doing this on their ring cam, and I hadn’t known there was a ring cam there at that door. It was only a conflict later on that revealed to me that they were recording me on a ring cam there. I would occasionally walk behind the cars and take pictures of their license plates. I didn’t do this for fun, I did it because THESE PEOPLE ARE MURDERING MY KITTENS AND GETTING AWAY WITH IT AND CORRUPTING THE ENTIRE STATE AND LOCAL POLICE DEPARTMENT. This was not a fun fun happy game. These are murderers.

Anyway, the father would sometimes come over. I never saw him until later, I only heard about him secondhand from others, who described him as an abusive cat-hater. The one time when I saw him, I think it was this guy with a big brown beard, a large heavy guy, with big, bulging, white, angry eyes, the kind of ‘yang sanpaku’ eyes that indicate that somebody has an endocrine disorder, with too much adrenaline or too high of a blood pressure – something endocrine that causes recurring violence. Maybe it’s thyroid, I don’t know. It’s too much of a hormone. It might also be drug use.

When someone like that gets access to psychotronic weapons, and access to the entire mind control and surveillance network, you have this angry, murdering psychopath who is spying on people wherever they go, threatening them, controlling them like puppets, making them do whatever he wants, murdering humans if he feels like it, corrupting the entire police department, getting away with murder of humans, and making millions of dollars. Our society rewards psychopaths. You just have to be able to hide it well enough not to get caught by any decent humans.

Anyway, when I said, ‘They must have seen me doing this on their ring cam,’ whenever I was taking pictures of their license plates, it was because, hilariously, they would all start BACKING THEIR CARS IN with the license plates facing inwards towards the house. Lol! We have nothing to hide! There’s NOTHING WRONG with her taking pictures of all of our license plates! We’ll just take the trouble of TURNING AROUND and then BACKING IN to the driveway so that there are, like, four cars all jammed together in there, all of them facing BACKWARDS, no matter how inconvenient it is, JUST SO that I can’t walk by or drive by and take pictures of their license plates. IT WAS RIDICULOUS AND OBVIOUS. They started doing it, like, the next day, immediately after I was walking around taking pictures of their license plates. I’m not a threat to you! Poor little old me. I have no power over you. I have chronic fatigue syndrome and I can’t do anything. But you are apparently afraid of me, and afraid of what I can do with your license plates. Is there something that I can do with your license plates that I don’t know about? Do you THINK that I have the power to do something with your license plates? Is there some resource that I can use, that you know about, that you are aware of, that might tell me something about you, that might be incriminating, which I might be able to get access to by means of your license plates? Tell me about it, because I don’t know! They all look pretty scammy to me. I’m not sure who to trust. All these websites that say, ‘Pay us a fee, and we’ll give you accesss to the license plates database,’ well, for all I know, all of them could by liars just trying to steal my money. Are you saying that you believe some of them might not be lying? Are you saying that you believe that I might actually succeed in gaining access to a license plates database that would tell me something about you that you don’t want me to know? Why bother taking such a trouble of turning all of your cars inward? It certainly can’t be easy to back them into the drivway that way. You all look like a bunch of fools.

Where’s Luigi when you need him? Oh, he’s in prison. That’s unfortunate.

So anyway, NO, it was not just a NORMAL OBSERVATION that the kid used, of any kind whatsoever, whenever he started pestering me, ‘Did you take a shower? Did you take a bath? Did you die in the shower? Did you take a shower?’ every single time I stepped out of the house, and NO, IT WAS NOT IMMEDIATELY AFTER. It was, like, a couple days later. It was maybe a few days, like two or three days, that this kid started asking me all about showers and baths, and started obsessing, all the time, about whether I might have taken a shower or a bath and ‘died’ in the shower. None of this would have been observable in any way. He did not encounter me immediately at any time near when this happened. He went and hung out with Kevin, and talked to Kevin all the time, and again, this whole thing could be a setup to make me distrust Kevin and think that Kevin was spying through my walls; Kevin may very well have been an actual user of these devices, an actual perpetrator who really was spying through my walls; some other person may have blasted both me and Kevin with the same attack at the same time, in such a way that I could hear this horrible and disgusting noise from Kevin that I have absolutely no desire to hear; Kevin may or may not have talked with the Feral Hog Child Psychopath about what he himself witnessed by looking through my walls; the child psychopath may have been witnessing it because his own family was a group of gangstalkers, which I already suspected. I do not know the correct interpretation of the events that occurred. I only know that he did not merely observe anything at all about me, physically, merely by looking at me in any normal way, that a normal person could do, by simply seeing me with their eyes, at any time near when this happened. I’m talking about this because I was hearing voices last night that were trying to argue with me about this, trying to disprove the idea, and trying to say that he simply must have looked at me and thought to himself, ‘She looks like she’s been having sex,’ in some way. THAT IS *NOT* WHAT HE DID. I assure you, he did not see me in any way whatsoever anywhere near the time that this happened. It was not a mundane observation.

They were not innocent. I just do not know the correct interpretation of *HOW MANY PEOPLE WERE GUILTY, AND WHAT WERE THEIR LEVELS OF GUILT*. These psychotronic weapons and surveillance tools are available to any normal person who is sick enough to desire to try to go looking for them and finding them. If you make it your life mission to go seeking out every possible technological method of spying on people through the walls of their house, you will succeed. I do not, because I am instinctively averse to this and horrified by the idea of raping people. Other people have no qualms at all about constantly committing the crime of rape, every single day, and getting away with it. They don’t mind raping people as long as they don’t get caught. If they get caught, someone should kill them. The least they could do would be to shoot off various limbs, one by one, in such a way that they can no longer operate the electronic weapons that they need to use in order to look through people’s walls. If you need to push buttons on a machine with your right hand, to look through someone’s walls to spy on them having sex, and to interact with them, and rape them, by violating their brain, by using the remote neural monitoring network to see through their eyes, and see what they’re seeing, and feel the sensations that they are feeling inside their body with neurological monitoring, well, if you have to push some button on a machine with your right hand, I can shoot your right hand with a bullet so that it becomes difficult to operate such a piece of equipment, while leaving you alive to reconsider whether you think it’s very important to continue raping people for the rest of your life, or whether you might want to consider doing something else with your life instead, while clearly informing you of the exact reasons why I chose to shoot a bullet through your right hand.

I was imagining last night that an AI guidance system would control the fine tuning of where you aim your gun. It would be limited and restricted. The AI fine tuning would be physically unable to do something dangerous to you, like, for instance, spin the gun around so that it’s facing you and it shoots you instead. It will have physical control over the fine movements of the gun, but the gun will only be physically capable of spinning and rotating within a limited range of motion. The AI aiming system will look at a body, and it will be able to aim at, say, the femoral artery, or whichever artery it is that’s inside the leg. It has to do this because people are wearing riot gear, with big bulletproof shields, and bulletproof helmets, and bulletproof vests. After you start aiming bullets at the tiny space between their helmet and their bulletproof vest, they’ll respond by wearing, I dunno, bulletproof scarves around their necks or something, so you will no longer be able to shoot them in the jugular vein or carotid artery or whatever it is, or the trachea, or the meninges or, I can’t remember the name of the bottom back of the brain, the cerebellum or whatever is back there. Whatever thing it is that gets meningitis, I think it’s somewhere there at the back of the head. When it becomes no longer possible to aim the bullets at their neck, you’re going to have to see if it’s possible to aim them at the legs, and hit exactly the location of the femoral artery so that, at least, they will lose a lot of blood.

China is mostly the place where they have very large groups of hired thugs who are all dressed in bulletproof riot gear, while they oppress the innocent population, and they do things like ban Halloween costumes that make fun of the Chinese Communist Party. Let’s just go out into large crowds of people who are celebrating Halloween, expressing themselves, dressing up in costumes that make fun of the CCP, and, without warning, start arresting lots of people on Halloween and telling them that they don’t like the ‘Western Influence’ of this holiday.

I know that Hong Kong appreciated Queen Elizabeth, and they mourned her whenever she died.

Anyway, when I was thinking about the AI aiming system, it could also aim for things like a breathing apparatus, and then after you shot the breathing apparatus, you would then shoot them with poisonous gases of some sort. Let’s say that their entire body is covered head to toe with something bulletproof, even on the legs, every inch of it, so that you can’t get in between anything. You might aim at these pieces of their equipment, their breathing apparatus, or various parts of their weapons, weaker areas in their weapons.

I was thinking of 3D printed missile launching systems. Cheap plastic means that you can have a whole lot of them. They will break, and they are disposable. Cheap, disposable plastic garbage, but it’s so numerous and so available, they can put up tons and tons of them everywhere. You might only be able to use them a couple of times.

Whenever they start making 3D printed fiberglass, it will be a little bit stronger than the usual plastic. It has to have some fiber content of some kind. The fibers should be organized, not random. I’m thinking of my knitting machine. Knitted stitches have an orientation of their tension. They pull a certain direction. That’s why the fabric unfortunately curls up at the sides, which I am working on learning how to fix.

Fibers inside of natural organisms also have an order, an organization, a way that they are formed. The 3D printer is actually a 3D nanotech operator, with a matrix made out of electromagnetic fields that guide the nanotech into location, with a grid of coordinates, and also, with a nature-like, nature-based non-grid orientation, where a cell might recognize that it’s ‘next to’ some other object with a particular kind of field. That’s not the same as a square-shaped grid of coordinates, controlled by an external operator looking at it from outside. That is how the stem cells find their positions, using the acupuncture energy meridians in the developing fertilized egg.

You use that same system to make objects, all objects, with this 3D printer. The small objects, the nanotech, must have some ability to respond on their own to local conditions without being externally controlled. That is how they operate the non-grid orientation method of sensing nearby objects, looking at things themselves, feeling where the electromagnetic fields are, and seeking the fields that they need to go to, or avoiding the fields they need to avoid, in order to create natural biological shapes. Natural biological shapes have developmental pathways, where a later development depends on a previous development, in such a way that it cannot be undone or redone without doing irreparable harm, and a new thing put on there will never be the same as the original. A grafted branch will never be like the original branch that was cut off.

I took probiotics in the middle of the night. I didn’t take any yet again this morning, but I will. I have not eaten breakfast. I have been PAINFULLY HUNGRY THE ENTIRE TIME THAT I HAVE BEEN WRITING THIS. That particular probiotic, I have always noticed, will make me feel painfully hungry sometime after I use it. I’m going to use it again, because it really did help a lot with my sickness. I’m still coughing a lot. The raw, painful throat is less painful after I take the probiotic.

two huge blog posts, not going to summarize, sat around all day writing while sick

5:37 PM 12/14/2024

I thought that I had been going to say something about the video that I called ‘beautiful worlds.’ That was randomly recommended to me by youtube. I sometimes go to a Russian search engine, Yandex, which I learned about because I used to read the websites of Rick DeLong. I tried it, and it gets different results from google and the others, which is why I sometimes use it when I feel like it. But that has put some Russian cookies and stuff into my browser, and some Russian hackers must have noticed that I exist, and sooner or later, I’ve gotten some youtube recommendations that are in Russian, and some of them are good, and some of them are okay, and some of them are not-so-great, and usually, if the music is all in minor key, with too much sadness, I don’t like it as much. I will like the music if it at least sometimes has major key, and I would prefer for it to sort of end on a good note, instead of ending in minor key, but sometimes, it’s all right.

I’ve seen the ‘Martian Sandworm’ 1965 Mars Landing video. There’s a sandworm that starts moving as soon as they’re setting down. It’s under the soil, so you can’t see it directly.

I don’t know what that random video was or where it came from. It was just random numbers. It had some people speaking another language. It could’ve been Russian, but I didn’t have my headphones on and didn’t listen closely. There was a guy with a squeaky voice that resembled the Mesoamericans, like the way that Corey Goode said some of the people in space were the Maya people, and it’s Maya without an -N at the end. There’s no reason to add an -n. It’s grammatically incorrect.

So that got into my youtube recommendations just because I’ve been around on some Russian places. My laptop battery died just as I was watching that, so I only had a chance to look at it twice, and decided to share it on the blog just before the battery died. I don’t want to go sit inside a restaurant to plug in, with the horrible music overhead, and also, I don’t have my heating pad. If I had my heating pad in my laptop bag, I might be more comfortable sitting in public places using the wifi. I used to do that, and it worked well. I just forgot to do it, and I only have one heating pad right now in this house, so I can’t have one that’s always in the laptop bag, and another one that’s always on my chair or wherever.

I’m sick enough that something is wrong with my head, or my eyes. I might have had a fever, and I might have had brain inflammation, because I was suddenly seeing a sort of shadow up above flying objects, or other things in the sky, like the mountaintops. I never noticed it before, but they had this aura that was up above them. First I saw it above a helicopter, then I saw it above every single bird in an entire flock of geese, and that’s when I realized that something unusual was going on. It’s like double vision, but it’s showing a double image UP ABOVE the object. That’s new and different. I’ve never had that happen before. I may have eye inflammation, too, because my eyes were glassy and pink. I’ve also been probably putting pressure into my head with all of this terrible coughing, retching, and gagging. I looked at a star, and I did see kind of a distorted shape of the star, but I had already noticed that for a while now, nothing new. I know I slightly have double vision, and I have a crooked eye that doesn’t go the same direction as the other eye. It just seems to be worse and unusual right now.

I will just charge the laptop, and maybe try to take a nap, although that’s not easy – I’ve been resting all day, for several days. I will probably go out again sometime later.

Oh, but I got interrupted when I was writing the other thing. I was complaining about forward-facing baby slings. Right then, the landlord knocked on the door and said a couple things, although it wasn’t a big argument like the other day. I forgot to finish explaining about the forward-facing baby slings. I googled it, and it was just as bad as I thought. It’s true, they do, in fact, cause hip dysplasia in the baby, because of the very unnatural way that the legs are dangling down without any support. But there was one website that was totally pro-forward-facing slings. It was all this enthusiasm about how great it is to have a baby facing forward, if you have a ‘curious’ baby who wants to see the world. If I were online, I’d find the link to it. They also said later on that maybe it really was a problem for the baby to be getting hip dysplasia, but, they said, you can fix that if you arrange to give them some kind of support underneath, while also keeping them facing forwards. I can’t imagine how much stress that would be putting on the mom’s back, because now the baby is out EVEN MORE far forward, sitting on some kind of shelf or something, in the photo they showed.

And it was just as bad as I imagined, where what you see in this photograph is a happy-looking, smiling baby, with its legs and arms spread wide open, facing you. The most ‘innocent’ way that I could describe this is that it looks like the baby is going to give you a hug; however, I don’t see it as the least bit innocent at all, and it’s more like drawing all of your attention straight towards the baby’s open crotch, which is facing directly towards you with the legs spread out, and the arms spread out, and a big happy smile on the baby’s face. If I were online, I would get this picture. It’s downright pornographic, even though the baby’s crotch isn’t naked. Even though it’s technically inside of this sling, the only thing that I can see is directly into this baby’s open crotch right in front of you. That’s a ‘curious baby, facing the world.’

The whole article is all this PROJECTION, where a parent DECIDES FOR THE BABY that the baby is ‘curious,’ and that it MUST be curious, and that it is OBLIGATED to be curious about the world, whether it wants to be or not, kind of like the way that parents will decide that their children are going to be transgender and get surgery whether they want to be transgender or not. This damn baby is going to be ‘curious’ whether it wants to be or not. It’s gonna sit on a forward-facing baby shelf with its crotch wide open to every stranger passing by, so that Joe Biden can walk right up and reach right in there.

It’s not that a baby CAN’T see the world whenever it’s holding on from the side, while sitting on its mother’s hip. It’s perfectly able to see to the left or the right by turning its head. No, I WANT MY *CROTCH* TO BE WIDE OPEN AND FACING THE WHOLE WORLD as my mom walks around carrying me, because I’m a ‘curious’ baby. That was more obvious on the photo where they tried to show some kind of a modified sling that would allow the pelvis to be in an ergonomic position that wouldn’t cause the hips to dislocate.

So I didn’t really finish ranting about that because the landlord showed up. I’ve hated forward-facing baby slings for YEARS. I don’t even remember what I said in the other blog post. It must have been about how I suspect that bicycle seats did the same thing to my hips. I knew a guy who rode a motorcycle all the time, and he was old, and his hips were so terrible, after stepping off the motorcycle, that he could barely walk. Anything at all that puts pressure onto the center of the pelvis, from below, because all of your weight is pushing down onto that, any kind of bicycle-style seat, can do this to you. It has to be a chair-style seat that supports your entire rear end, all the way from side to side, without depending on putting all of the weight in between the legs.

If the laptop battery hadn’t died, I would have done some more searches and would have watched more videos.

I do still have some amount of fatigue, actually. It’s not just the coughing. I also don’t like being cold. If I could only remember to bring my heating pad along with me, I might not mind sitting indoors somewhere and using the wifi. I might do that later on, if I get enough energy to get back up again and go out to my car.

It’s interesting to see some material from Russian sources once in a while. I do like yandex, just not all the time. I’m not always in the mood for it. When I do use it, I will almost always find something that I couldn’t have found on google. Yandex is blocked on some of the wifis that I go to – they just won’t let me visit that site. But other places will.

Youtube’s AI, along with the computer hackers, along with google’s AI, have combined together to give me recommendations on youtube, and they go through phases, sometimes being really great recommendations, and sometimes being absolutely horrible and intolerable. They sometimes surprise me with these nice gifts, and I said that ‘nobody can ever give me a gift that I like,’ but it seems like youtube has done a good job of finding a few things that I do like now and then. If you have an AI algorithm, searching through millions of websites and processing it, then yes, it’s possible to find some patterns of things that there’s a good probability that I will like. I’m sure that knowing socionics probably helps. If you find a certain sort of person, and these people have patterns, then a lot of the things that this one person likes will also be the same things that you like. That’s why, when it goes the opposite way, it can feel like the ‘All Psychopaths, All The Time Channel.’ When it’s working well for you, it’s really nice, and you will discover a lot of things that you love.

I don’t remember what was the original source of that reference, the ‘All Something, All The Time Channel.’

Yeah… chatgpt probably would know the answer to that.

Maybe it was just the ‘All Hits, All The Time’ or ‘All Music, All The Time,’ something on the radio.

I only remember from this dream last night that poor Nunu, sweet little Nunu, was sleeping, and it was in the edge of a pile of snow. He was in a hole in the snow, and it was keeping him warm, surrounding him. I saw this, and I felt absolutely terrible for him. This should never have happened. I should never have been forced to abandon him, or all of them, and none of them should ever have been mutilated. They should still have their perfect, beautiful, pointy ear tips, and they should still have their testicles, ovaries, and uteruses.

‘Go home.’ Where are these aliens staying? They came in on their slow-moving flying cars, with their lights flashing, obeying the air traffic safety regulations. Are they staying in nice accommodations, nicer than what we have? Were they wealthy people living on another planet? Do they have their families with them? They’ve come here in the winter, in the northern hemisphere.

Helium. I forgot. I had been thinking that the drones don’t need to recharge their batteries. Well, Biden or somebody sold off the last of our stock of helium. Maybe they’ve made ships that are floating with lighter-than-air lifting methods. It might not be as complicated as actual antigravity.

I would love to go watch some more videos, and listen to some more music, but I feel absolutely horrible and would like to fall asleep. I don’t want to get cold and go outside again. I hope that this Sheetz here opens up soon, although it won’t matter much to me if I’m being forced to leave this apartment anyway. If I had been living here, then it would have been convenient to be able to go to the Benner Pike Sheetz across from where the bowling alley area is, where the new Giant is. It isn’t open yet.

I don’t like Sheetz, but I go there to use the wifi. I absolutely hate their advertising in the recent years. It is overtly satanic, promoting transgenderism, body modification and mutilation, drug use, and demon worship. It is vile and disgusting. I just saw something when I filled the gas tank. Was that last night? Yeah, that’s when I went to the wifi in the middle of the night. My tank was on empty, and I filled it at Sheetz. They played this cartoon on the gas pump. It was horrifying. They were showing a flashlight looking around inside a dark room. Then you see an object that looks like a sort of bloody piece of meat or something, like a dead body. Only, it turns out to be just a donut. Ha ha, hilarious. And they say, it was Colonel Custard, In The Mouth, With A Donut, or something like that, you know, like that old board game, Clue. Yes, we had that game. It would’ve been Colonel Mustard, not Custard. All of their cartoons look like they were made by somebody who was using LSD or maybe, what is that stuff, like bath salts, something like the people who made that horrifying movie, about food that came alive, and the food was trying to escape and avoid being eaten. Sausage Party. They were using drugs like bath salts or something. I forget where I heard this – maybe the movie itself mentioned it. The people making the ads for Sheetz are using some kind of horrible, disgusting, mind-altering drugs. Hieronymous Bosch – when I googled it, the AI knew instantly exactly what I was looking for, the paintings of hell.

I also stopped trying to eat at Sheetz because I kept getting marijuana poisoning whenever I would eat their food. I figured out that they are using biodegradable, tan-colored paper bowls made out of hemp. Making anything at all out of hemp is completely insane, if it’s going to come into contact with food. It is leaching CBD into the food, and I have a reaction to it anytime I eat anything that they’ve been putting into those tan-colored paper bowls. I found those EXACT kind of bowls being sold on amazon when I did a google search for them. They CLAIM that, of course, the CBD has been removed, but you know they cannot remove every single molecule of it. There’s a LOT of it left, and it causes MAJOR reactions in somebody who is chemical sensitive, who HATES marijuana and hemp and CBD, who is CHOOSING NOT TO USE THOSE DRUGS BECAUSE I DON’T WANT TO!, and I’m now being forced to eat them because we have to have ‘biodegradable bowls made out of hemp.’ I love things that are biodegradable – but not whenever they are made out of POISONOUS PLANTS that CONTAMINATE THE FOOD WITH POISON. It’s actually LESS TOXIC to have PLASTIC THAT’S LEACHING BPA than it is to have biodegradable bowls, made of hemp, that are leaching CBD! LESS TOXIC. I have already tested eating hemp seeds! They were sold as a ‘health food’ at a health food store that I went to, years ago, where you could buy supplements. I tried eating a few of them, and they MADE ME SUICIDAL. Plain old hemp seeds had the potential to make me commit suicide! Which is worse, that, or a little bit of BPA from plastic? BPA doesn’t make me commit suicide!

I never eat ANYTHING that has hemp added to it. I will not use any shampoos or cosmetics that have hemp in them. Whenever I bought this package of snacks, they had three different varieties of this brand of snack, and the one particular variety that had hemp seeds in it, NOBODY WAS BUYING THAT VARIETY. People bought the OTHER two stacks of them, and a lot of them had sold, but there was a huge pile of unsold products in the stack of the particular variety that contained hemp seeds. Apparently, other people besides me have realized that they don’t want to be eating hemp seeds, either. I would have to get up out of this chair to go read the label and see what this snack’s name is.

I hate hemp so much, if I see that some particular manufacturer is adding hemp to ONE of its lines of products, I am unwilling to buy ANYTHING ELSE IN THEIR ENTIRE LINE OF PRODUCTS, because there could be contamination in the factory that would cause other ordinary products to have CBD in them. I was making this decision with shampoos the other day. I had to buy a conditioner. I didn’t find Finesse because I was at the wrong store, and they never have it. I looked for some others. There were some things from Suave that had hemp in them, and there were things from ‘Herbal Essences’ that had hemp in them. You get rid of sulfate and sulfite, because you’ve figured out that THOSE are bad, but then, YOU ADD ONE OF THE DEADLIEST PLANT POISONS THAT HAS RUINED PEOPLE’S LIVES AND CAUSED SUICIDES AND OTHER CHRONIC PROBLEMS, and you claim that it’s ‘perfectly safe’ MERELY BECAUSE IT IS A PLANT. Spiders are all-natural and organic, too! Rattlesnakes are all-natural and organic. Meteors are all-natural and organic. Uranium ore is all-natural and organic. That doesn’t make them good for you. You have to see what ELSE they have in them that NATURE put in there. Sometimes nature makes things that are bad for you!

What does hemp, marijuana, and CBD do that’s so bad – if I have barely ever used it at all, and have only encountered it secondhand?

IT CAUSES ANXIETY AND PANIC ATTACKS.

IT CAUSES LOW BLOOD SUGAR, OR ELSE HUNGER SENSATIONS, SO YOU HAVE TO GO EAT A LOT OF FOOD.

IT CAUSES NAUSEA, SO THAT YOU BECOME HYPERSENSITIVE TO DISGUSTING SMELLS, AND YOU CANNOT TOLERATE EVEN THE SLIGHTEST BIT OF UNPLEASANT ODORS, BECAUSE A BAD SMELL MAKES YOU WANT TO THROW UP. These people who I am encountering who cannot tolerate even a single molecule of an unpleasant smell are ALWAYS, 100% OF THE TIME, HEAVY MARIJUANA USERS WHO USE IT ALL THE TIME. Use marijuana, get nauseated as a result of marijuana. Marijuana causes vomiting. Marijuana causes hypersensitivity to bad smells and disgusting smells. Marijuana makes you LESS able to tolerate sickening, disgusting things. It makes you weaker, not stronger!

IT CONTAMINATES EVERYBODY ELSE WITH SECONDHAND VAPE AND SECONDHAND SMOKE, ALONG WITH TRANSDERMAL RESIDUES THAT GET ONTO OBJECTS AND GO THROUGH THE SKIN, CAUSING EVERYBODY ELSE AROUND YOU TO HAVE TO GET UP AT 3AM AND FIND SOMETHING TO EAT BECAUSE THEY’RE SO HUNGRY THEY CAN’T GO BACK TO SLEEP. That annoys the hell out of me. I shouldn’t have to drive my car to a 24-hour gas station and convenience store, to MAKE MORE PROFITS FOR SHEETZ, because I wake up starving at 2am or 3am and they’re the only place that’s open and selling food, just because SOMEONE ELSE decided to blast me with all of their marijuana.

IT MAKES PROFITS FOR CHINA AND THE CHINESE COMMUNIST PARTY. Most of the profits from marijuana, CBD, and vapes are going to China. China has been brainwashing our public with propaganda, for decades, convincing us that marijuana is the greatest thing that ever existed, and convincing us that’s it’s bad to try to regulate, restrict, or forbid marijuana, or not just that it’s ‘bad’ to restrict it, but also, that it’s ‘impossible’ to restrict the sale of marijuana. Of course! It’s futile to even try! Don’t even try to stop us from selling marijuana, along with cocaine, synthetic chemical drugs, alcohol, nicotine and tobacco, caffeine, over-the-counter medications, and anything else. Free market! Capitalism! Questioning capitalism is anathema! It’s almost as shameful as questioning DEI diversity-equity-inclusion. If you should EVER say that ANYTHING sold for profit should, maybe, not be sold, you’re just the worst person who ever existed.

I’ve heard people argue that they themselves are doing better with marijuana instead of alcohol. Somebody said that to me in a conversation just a couple days ago. Well, I don’t even want alcohol to be available for sale. If you’re a chemist, and you need to use some form of alcohol for some kind of chemical reaction that you’re doing in the laboratory, then maybe you might need alcohol for some legitimate reason. And don’t go secretly selling it to other people in the black market when you get it. I’m gonna STAND OVER YOU AND WATCH while you use up every drop of your alcohol in your chemical reaction in the laboratory, to make sure you’re not just giving it to the black market. I understand that alcohol is extremely dangerous, deadly, and life-ruining. It shouldn’t even be for sale. I understand that some people are using marijuana as a substitute for alcohol, and that it’s slightly less deadly, although I sincerely believe that some people really do commit suicide because of marijuana and CBD. My own brother tested edible marjuana one time, and told me that the experience was so bad, he really was at risk for suicide, but he had someone else there supervising him and helping him. He said it caused time dilation, the feeling that time was taking longer and longer, and every single second was torture. That’s kind of how I felt whenever I ate the tiny little bit of hemp seeds as a ‘health food’ from the ‘health food store.’ It made me instantly suicidal, and I am NEVER suicidal except: 1. when I’m under the influence of certain drugs, or 2. whenever I have covid, and I’ve learned to recognize that by now, because I’ve caught covid at least, like, a thousand times since 2020 – I’ve lost count, it’s been SO MANY times, over and over again, and every single time, I start doing stuff like crying a lot, and thinking about death. It’s practically a diagnostic sign for covid, for me. I’m like, ‘Oh, I’m thinking about death today – I must have covid,’ and I’ll start having every other symptom of covid too. I think about murdering people every time I have any illness at all, no matter what illness. It’s as though my immune system wants to outwardly express whatever the immune system is doing inside me. The immune system is trying to kill millions and millions of bacteria and viruses, and that’s the moment when I’ll be writing in my blog about how we have to purify society by killing millions of psychopaths. Gallbladder problems or liver problems are another thing that will make me start to talk or think about killing people.

7:02 PM 12/14/2024

The laptop battery is almost charged. Technically, if I felt up to it, I would be able to go somewhere and sit in my car, using the wifi, without having to go inside the building anywhere. I really, really HATE the demonic, satanic, drug-addicted advertising of Sheetz, but it’s one of the only places where I can use the wifi and also go inside to sit there, plug in the laptop, and stay warm if necessary. ‘The only place where I can use the laptop at 3am is inside of Hieronymous Bosch Hell!’

Nick Drake was someone that youtube found for me recently. They know that I like things that might fall under the category of ‘folk music.’ I’ve been trying to figure out which sociotype Nick Drake is. I listened to a rare monologue that was recorded. There were few interviews, or zero, that got recorded. He died from suicide, a drug overdose. Is Nick Drake his name? I’m not online. It’s something Drake. ‘The River Man’ was one song. ‘Cello Song’ was another. ‘Northern Sky’ or something like that was one. I have said before that I don’t like always hearing the exact same beats, the same rhythms, and something that I read somewhere said, he was using an unusual rhythm in one of them, like maybe a 5/4 beat or something. It was hard to tell, and I often get confused whenever I try to listen and follow those things. And again, I’m not always in the mood to listen to NOTHING BUT THAT, ALL THE TIME. However, it’s something that I will like to listen to, for a few minutes, because it’s interesting and unique, and I appreciate it.

What he was saying in the ‘recorded monologue’ fragment, the little tiny bit that they had, was that he had been driving his car on the right side of the road, because he had recently been driving in France too much. He lived in England, I think, or Ireland? England? I don’t remember for sure. He accidentally had been driving on the right side of the road. From what I read, at the end of his life, he was getting into the drugs so much, he was barely conscious a lot of the time, and was walking around like a zombie, and maybe that’s part of what happened when he discovered that he had accidentally driven all the way home on the right side of the road (that is, when you’re supposed to drive on the left side in England).

Colonel Custard (not Mustard) murdered a donut, in the mouth. I’m trying to remember the exact thing they said in the ad, based on the Clue game. Why was it so offensive? I just can’t stand that kind of thing. It’s not funny to me. It’s some kind of verbal pun, and I usually hate verbal puns. Colonel Custard instead of Mustard. Talking about murdering people, in that way, somehow isn’t funny to me, even though I talk about killing people, but I sincerely mean that I am actually angry for real, and feel as though there is no alternative left in our society except to do a Luigi-style assassination of the power structure that’s oppressing and harming everyone. I don’t say it as a joke because I think it’s cute, and I’m not using it to advertise donuts. I don’t portray a donut as a bloody, murdered body in the darkness where you can’t see it and the colors are distorted so that it looks red – like everything at Sheetz. I’m not obsessed with blood and gore.

If you ARE obsessed with blood and gore, there are several problems going on. It will happen if you are a vegan or vegetarian with a vitamin B12 deficiency. It will happen if you try to use SYNTHETIC, artificial vitamin B12, or a lot of other synthetic B vitamins, because those will cause SYMPTOMS OF DEFICIENCY. Synthetic vitamins do not work as well as natural vitamins. It will happen if you take certain kinds of mind-altering drugs. I don’t know which drugs, out of all the drugs, because I’M TRYING NOT TO USE THOSE DRUGS. It must happen when you take bath salts. People who used bath salts were seen, for instance, EATING SOMEONE’S FACE. Who was that? A few years ago? When bath salts just started appearing? Some guy was, like, eating someone’s face off. Valerie Shoemaker, one of the people who I’m reminded of because I was just looking through my photo album, was obsessed with murder and suffocation, and she most likely participated in the campground genocide of 2022, along with her husband, and one of the things on her facebook page was this pro-veganism, anti-meat cartoon that said you should eat deep fried human fingers instead. I’m not anti-meat. I’m opposed to cruelty in how animals are raised, how they are handled, how they live their lives, and how they are slaughtered, but overall, I still believe it is NECESSARY TO EAT MEAT, and I have a lot of good reasons why. And there are no effective meat substitutes.

I was thinking recently about the Scottish family line, the McCoy family, that has a genetic mutation that causes tumors to develop on the adrenal glands, which causes people to react with intense rage and other feelings, much more than the normal person would, because of the tumors. It’s worthwhile for people to find out whether they have these tumors. I usually don’t advocate for surgery, and I don’t know what else someone would do, and I don’t have the opportunity to try to work as a doctor with somebody to try researching what alternatives there might be. I’m sure there are other specific conditions like this, but that just happens to be the one and only thing that I’ve ever heard of. I am a ‘one-trick pony.’ I only know about that one particular problem that exists. It was from the Hatfield-McCoy feud, and I was a teenager in West Virginia, so this was part of our West Virginia history class in school.

Anyway, being obsessed with blood and gore is a sign that something is wrong, and there are very specific things that will cause a person to get into that mood, that mindset. Whoever is making the advertisements for Sheetz is in that mindset. For all that I know, it might be caused by eating CBD from biodegradable hemp bowls. I don’t want advertisements normalizing bloody murder and acting as though it’s merely cute and funny, like a pun on Mustard and Custard, with a cute, funny donut guy afterwards. Ha ha! Murder is only a joke!

Troubleshooting isn’t always easy if you have absolutely no idea what to start with, but if you eliminate basically every single drug as the beginning of your troubleshooting, that’s a good way to start. Anything at all that could possibly qualify as a drug is a good thing to eliminate. But then, there are other chemicals that you would not necessarily know to look for. I have learned about this because I used the Feingold Diet. There are chemicals in foods, there are chemicals in synthetic vitamins, there are chemicals in things that are labeled ‘organic,’ there are naturally occurring chemicals in plants and herbs and herbal medicines, and any of them can cause problems. There’s also transdermal contamination, or other contamination from unknown sources, including things like pollution.

I remember reading an article about how, someplace in Australia, or New Zealand, there was this small tribe of people where everybody was extremely violent and murderous. (*Or, at least a few people.*) They blamed it on some disease that was supposedly caused by eating parts of dead bodies, which was supposedly a prion disease, similar to chronic wasting disease in deer, or mad cow disease. However, they did some investigation, and they also found that there was a whole lot of…. manganese? Was that the mineral? They were doing manganese mining down there. Toxic metals like manganese will also cause people to go crazy and do things like that. So it was usually thought to be caused by cannibalism, this disease that the people had down there, but some other researchers thought that it was caused by toxic manganese exposure. It might be both.

I love drinking maple syrup, and maple syrup has a very large percentage of the recommended daily allowance of manganese, but I don’t drink maple syrup very often. I haven’t had any in a few months. When I do drink it, I don’t notice much of an increase in my levels of violence. I will probably keep on drinking maple syrup. I wonder if it comes from the soil, or if it comes from the equipment that the syrup is processed in? If it came from the equipment, you could find an alternative way to process it. I am very much in favor of maple syrup. I think it’s good for you. If it didn’t come from the equipment, and if it came from the soil, it’s just something that you would have to keep in mind and be aware of, kind of like the way that you should know that there’s too much selenium in those nuts. I don’t remember, are they called ‘filberts,’ or what? There are nuts that have way too much selenium in them. You can’t eat a whole bunch of those. You have to eat only one or two, and then go eat something else instead. Again, this is why we advocate for VARIETY IN THE DIET. If you eat a wide variety of different things, then you won’t get too much poisoning from eating just one thing all the time. You also should know that starfruits can cause kidney failure. Starfruits are in the Stardew Valley game. Those are the same starfruits that can cause kidney failure in people who already are having some kind of a problem with their kidneys, such as diabetics, or people who are on dialysis. I think some other things can cause problems, like strawberries, but just about everything can cause problems whenever you’re a diabetic and you’re on dialysis.

 

beautiful worlds – random video

https://youtu.be/yixyOyBsK2Q?si=vJv2fjUdVYdn4KuS

oh – lost the tangent – I said, I told the neighbor about the glowing eyes, and afterwards, she and I ran around pretending to chase floating eyes

I was just rereading that last post. I told the little girl about how I had seen floating eyes in my bedroom one night. So she and I role-played out that traumatic incident. We were running around inside her house, pretending that we were seeing floating eyes, and we were chasing them all around. She was younger than I was, and her imagination was even better. She convinced me that she could ACTUALLY SEE these eyes, with her imagination. My imagination wasn’t good enough to give me a voluntary, external, three-dimensional, moving hallucination. I still saw nothing at all there, but pretended there was. She got into it so deeply, she was actually scared. Eventually, of course, I got in trouble for scaring her! I think I remember her mom went and nagged me and scolded me because I had told her little daughter about the floating eyes, and now, her daughter was scared about floating eyes. But it was real. I really did see floating eyes in my bedroom.

four-hour-long blog post; called off sick; looked at pictures of my cats and garden, then dreamed I was rescuing my cats from snow; summary: I am old and ugly, and I am also alive – TL;DR you’ll need an automatic text reader or a couple hours of reading time for this not-very-important material

9:30 AM 12/14/2024

The government is obviously letting the drones do what they want. The same fleet of drones, at least fifty together in one sighting off the coast of New Jersey, has gone all the way to Colorado without stopping. They aren’t the kind of drones that have to stop because their batteries ran out. I didn’t get to watch the youtube video yet, but I saw that there was a video showing a picture of people who looked like firemen, surrounding an object on the ground that was all smashed. The title described it as a ‘crashed’ drone, but for all that I know, it could have been shot down by somebody. They’re saying this fleet of drones is being seen in Colorado, and people are seeing things over in Oregon – there could be something coming in from that side, or else the things that came from New Jersey could be over there.

I’m not online at home, so I won’t be able to look at any of this yet. I just thought of it because I looked at the tabs that were open in my browser, which can’t connect right now.

I called off sick again. Yesterday, I went in, but I was still coughing badly, and somebody there sort of urged me to go home. I am still coughing a lot today. My throat is like sandpaper, my head hurts, and my eyes are all red and glassy looking.

I looked at my photos on my computer. I was emptying out the camera, which didn’t have a whole lot on it, because I was preparing to go around my apartment taking pictures of the invisible bugs and the invisible ‘VERY dirty floor’ that he has described in his eviction letter.

I was thinking, I want to buy another bottle of probiotics. I’m pretty sure I used up the last one a few months ago. I had the bottle somewhere in a box. That was when I was still living in my car. I wanted probiotics, in case it might help me with this horrible disease that I have right now.

I probably don’t have to actually get out in exactly ten days. What I mean is, on the 20th of December, the sheriff probably won’t ALREADY be at my door. If I understand correctly, that is the day when legal proceedings will begin. Sheriff? How many r’s and f’s does it have? I’m pretty sure it has two f’s at the end. I just read the word in the letter, but he spelled the word ‘lease’ as ‘leas.’ So I can’t use the letter as the reference for how to spell things. It looks like it has only one r in the letter.

Anyway, because I was getting my camera ready so that I could take pictures of my egregious and horrific mess inside this apartment (*sarcasm! there is hardly anything at all, which is why I’m going to take pictures, showing that the landlord has completely lost his mind*), I ended up looking at my own photos. Because I ACCIDENTALLY allowed Microsoft to download an update, one time, whenever I connected to a wifi, and didn’t have the wifi set up to be a, what is it called, a restricted data connection, I forget what you call it – you have to go to a setting somewhere, and say, ‘restrict the data over this network,’ and then say, ‘Don’t download any updates over a restricted data connection.’ I forget what the exact words are, but I know how to do it, and I didn’t get to do it yet on this one connection that I went to, so it downloaded Windows updates that I don’t want, which DESTROYED the photos program that it used to have. The photos program completely changed and is now unusable, that is, even worse than it was. I already hate almost everything about the user interfaces nowadays, but they somehow figured out ways to make it even worse.

I don’t want to get into it, I have a headache, I only took a vivarin, I don’t have what it takes to do the describing of the user interface and the details of what’s wrong with it, but one example of a pet peeve that I have is this. I am using a mouse, on a laptop, or a mousepad. I am NOT using a touchscreen. I passionately hate all touchscreens, and I hope that all the touchscreens on Earth instantly vaporize into a cloud of molecules during the solar flash. I hate touchscreens almost as much as I hate the music of Michael Jackson.

Anyway, the morons who made this program are still thinking in terms of ‘apps,’ and so they’re imagining that you’re going to put your finger on the side of the screen or something, to ‘swipe’ the pictures from side to side, that kind of thing. Everything they have is oriented like that. Darn it, I’m not mentally functional enough to express this properly.

Let’s imagine that you have an old-fashioned magnetic cassette tape recorder from the 1980s. Did it have some kind of rectangle in the center, where you would put the cassette, and then have the ‘fast forward’ button on the right side of the cassette door, and the ‘rewind’ button on the left side of the cassette door, and maybe a ‘play’ button directly in the center of the cassette door (this depends on what website you’re on – some video websites will let you push in the center of the video to make it start playing, but others require you to push a button underneath the video – always very small on my screen), and a tiny ‘pause’ button underneath the cassette door that was so small, you would have to poke a button that was smaller than your finger, a button so small you could hardly even see it, to hit ‘pause,’ and then, that button magically changes into the ‘play’ button, so that ‘pause’ and ‘play’ are always on the same button, never separated, because they think to themselves, ‘Oh, I want to eliminate as many things as possible, so let’s just combine as many functions as we can into one button, so you’ll never see a ‘pause’ button even EXISTING anywhere, until AFTER you’ve actually pressed ‘play,’ and then, and only then, will the button change into a ‘pause’ button,’ or something – I guess the ‘play’ button really isn’t right in the center of the cassette door rectangle, it’s below it, in this example.

This insanity that infects these designers is the same as the insanity of my landlord. They want everything everywhere to be a solid, smooth interface with no visible controls or objects in sight. Everything must be invisible until it’s needed, at which point, you have to ‘pull it out’ of something, by hovering or clicking somewhere near where it is, if you’re lucky. These are the people who want your lawn to be mowed, and they want you to cut down your native plant flower garden, because it ‘looks messy.’ These are the people who think that you have to put every single dish and every single cooking appliance back inside of a cabinet in your kitchen, EVERY TIME YOU USE IT, so that, you might use something once for five seconds, and must take it out, wash it, and put it back, only to have to do the same thing again five seconds later when you need it again. You must instantly put every object back inside the cabinet immediately after using it, so that it is invisible. You must NEVER be able to see the sight of any controls or buttons or devices sitting around, in view, where you can push them. You must forget that they exist until you need to use them again.

So not only do you have to move all the way to the right side of the interface to push a button that means ‘next,’ in the photos, you would then have to move your mouse all the way to the left side of the interface to push a button that means ‘previous,’ (*and all of these buttons are really, really tiny, a couple pixels across, so it takes A LOT of effort to focus on them, and aim for them*) if you wanted to go back to look at something. If they had only designed it like a 1980s cassette player, all the buttons would be in one single location, either above or below the central rectangle door of the cassette, not scattered all over so that you have to move your mouse very long distances back and forth across the screen for every single action that you have to perform. Apparently they think that we need exercise or something, so they’re going to make it so that you have to constantly move your mouse around on the mousepad, or slide your hand on the touchpad on the laptop and go to the other side. They have completely forgotten the concept of an interface where you don’t have a mouse. I grew up in the 1980s, and we had a computer with no mouse at all. You used keys to do things. You had to be able to perform every single action, every single movement, by pushing keys on the keyboard.

Anyway, good luck even finding any of those buttons at all, regardless of what location they put them in, because they won’t be there anymore a second later if you’re looking for them. You then have to go randomly click your mouse somewhere at the bottom of the screen to bring them back, which means that, if you click more than once, if you click a bunch of times, let’s say you get impatient, or confused, and you just randomly click a bunch of times, you’re going to suddenly be clicking a button that wasn’t there a second ago, and performing an unknown and unexpected function or command. Whoops! I just pushed the ‘delete all’ button, because it wasn’t there a second ago, but it suddenly appeared under my cursor when I started clicking!

So you have no idea what button you’re going to be pushing at the moment when they appear again, unless you have memorized the exact location where they are going to appear on the screen, even when they are not there. Not everybody wastes their brain energy doing such a thing. Some people probably do! the people who design these programs do, and they want to force the rest of the world to do that too. If you don’t do that, then it sucks to be you.

Mow the lawn, kill every bug no matter what species it is, no matter what location it’s in, no matter what it’s doing, no matter whether it’s threatening you or not, every bug.

I have SOMETIMES killed large spiders, whenever I found them in terrifying situations where I had no control over them. There has been a time once or twice whenever I would find a very large spider, a couple inches across, inside my house, and it was running around at high speed, going on top of objects and underneath objects, out of sight and out of reach. In that situation, I might SOMETIMES kill the spider, just to stop it from going somewhere that I couldn’t see it. I’m instinctively scared of spiders, and I got bitten by one of these multi-inch-diameter fast-moving spiders a couple months ago, and I *STILL* have a big dark mark on my abdomen where it bit me. It got inside my car while I was sleeping in my car. I’m pretty sure that it probably came from one of my tarps that had been in the woods. I was sometimes moving my tarps around, sometimes taking one down and putting it back into my car, and those giant multi-inch fast spiders ALWAYS are on the tarps. They love going underneath those tarps. It’s exactly the kind of place that they always, always want to go. I have known this ever since I started camping in a tent years ago. I had tents with tarps over top of them, because the tents will leak. Don’t ever just casually crawl around in between the tarp and your tent, because there will be multi-inch huge spiders in there.

This is exactly the spider that was in my car, and it got inside of the blanket. I didn’t know it was there, and I woke up in the middle of the night, and I felt something moving across my abdomen. The feeling of the thing moving across my bare skin wasn’t that bad, in and of itself, like just the mere feel of it brushing across my skin was not too terrifying. (*I’m rereading this, and thinking back. I wasn’t looking at it, and I couldn’t see it with my eyes. It’s the actual IMAGE of a spider that will trigger the phobic reaction. If I had visually seen the shape of the spider with my eyes, I probably would have jumped up and, like, injured my broken leg as I was thrashing around all of my body parts everywhere. But I did not visually see the image of the spider, I only felt some sort of THING that was gently brushing quickly across my skin.*)

But I had this huge welt, and if you look closely at the huge welt on my abdomen, which I didn’t even feel, and don’t even remember it happening, when I was asleep, it has these little tiny dots, which I guess were the spider fangs. You can actually see little pale dots, on top of the darker pinkish color of the red welt. There aren’t just only two dots, there are maybe six or seven or eight dots. It bit me multiple times. The venom just destroyed everything there and has left major damage months later. It didn’t turn black, and it didn’t sink in and make a hole, but I remember somebody showing me one that happened to them. They got bitten by some spider, and the venom was so bad, the skin was all black and sunken in, permanently. Mine isn’t that bad, it’s just a darker pink color months later. If I touch it, I can feel that it is a lump of raised scar tissue.

So, okay! There are SOME species, in SOME situations, where I actually am scared of a critter, a bug, an arthropod, and might actually sometimes kill it. But there are billions and billions of other bugs that are totally harmless, that don’t need to be killed all the time, and they are going to be food for other creatures. And even the ones that I’m scared of, I will often try to at least catch them inside of a cup, where I can control them temporarily, and then try to move them someplace else instead of killing them. That’s if it isn’t an emergency, and if I can see where they are easily. I was moving bumblebees out of my bathroom at this apartment. I’m sure that these bumblebees must have been drawn to crawl inside the window frame because of the intense, desirable smell of the coffee grounds in my electric skillet (eyeroll emoji). There were bumblebees coming in, and I would go into the bathroom and find them there, and I could not see any hole that they were coming in through. I would catch them in a cup, with a little flat card underneath the cup, and carry them outside.

I had to reread and saw that I went off on a tangent. I was looking at my photos on the computer. The interface of the ‘new, improved’ Windows photo program made me want to look around for my sledgehammer, and I don’t have anything resembling a sledgehammer with me right now, so I am unable to fix my computer. I mean, okay, I usually don’t hate my computer that much, it’s only during the moments when I’m using the new photos program. Luigi is going to have a lot of work to do when he gets out of prison. I’m sending him after all the other people who are programming these computers. He probably won’t like that, though, because he was an app designer or something himself. I have no knowledge of whether Luigi is a good or bad app designer.

I was looking at the photos. There was a moment when I could choose whether or not I wanted to start the process of going through my photos. There was a moment when it hadn’t happened yet. I did move the mouse to the folder, and clicked it, and started looking at all of the photos.

I had a garden full of native plants that I was finding. I had a trailer, and it wasn’t perfect, and I would have designed it differently, but at the time, it was the best thing that I could get. I had cats and kittens, and I was learning their personalities and getting to know them, each of them individually. I had strawberries in the garden, wild strawberries, the little tiny ones, not the ‘mock’ strawberries, but the real native wild strawberries. I had wild black raspberries, although I didn’t happen to see those if I had any pictures of them, and the old owners of the campground still used to tell me that I wasn’t allowed to have things like that – even before the Stoltzfuses took over, it was a constant battle getting anybody to leave me and my garden alone. It just wasn’t AS bad back then, in the beginning.

I had physalis groundcherries, and hoary mountain mint that I found myself, up on the mountain above, in an area that was later on destroyed by heavy equipment and logging. Hoary mountain mint is one of those borderline endangered species. It SHOULD be listed as endangered everywhere, but the people who make these decisions do not see the world the same way that I do. I think that pretty much everything is endangered. I see groundhogs and possums as an endangered species, for instance. There are only degrees of how badly endangered they are. I would really, really restrict how we can do logging and bulldozing, or ‘using large machinery,’ not necessarily ‘bulldozing’ as such.

I had jewelweed, which the hummingbirds will drink from. I had fleabane, which has no particular use for me, but it’s native, and if I found it growing in my yard, I would keep it, on purpose, just to add some flowers that would last a long time, plain white flowers, sometimes pinkish, just anything at all that’s flowering. I would see miscellaneous bugs on it, like in one photo, some unidentified small bee, like a ‘sweatbee’ size bee, little tiny ones, the kind of thing that you don’t think about whenever people say the word ‘bees.’ I had so many different kinds of tiny, unidentified bees and bugs going in my garden. If the landlord had seen it, he would have said, ‘You’re attracting ALL KINDS of bugs!’ just like he says about the coffee grounds sitting in my electric skillet in the kitchen. I was having an immersive experience, where the bugs were living with me, like Radagast the Brown. I didn’t like the ants, and if I had my way, I would have taken apart the walls of the trailer to get rid of the ants, but didn’t feel like I could do that at that location where I was. There was a lot that I couldn’t really do, which I would have been willing and able to do on land that I owned.

I had kittens, and in the beginning, the pictures were happy. However, as the years went on, as I went through one folder after another, I got to the places where the genocide began, and I started seeing pictures of dead cats and kittens. I saw a video where some of my kittens behaved as though they were being abused, backing away in fear, because the neighbor kid had been handling them, and at the time, I didn’t know how horrible he was. I was actually LETTING him handle some of my kittens. I was reluctant, and I wasn’t happy about it at all. I could see it in one video, where I was reaching in through a door to pet one of my own kittens, and she was looking at me and backing away in fear, because she must have been scared of the neighbor kid who must have done the same thing, reaching through my door and grabbing her and hurting and scaring her. This is the kind of kid who you wish would be at school when the school shooter was there. Would I ever, ever have said in a million years anything so bad about a young child? Never. Never before now. This kid was about twelve or thirteen years old, but he was already a child psychopath.

Later on the pictures became even worse. There were videos where I tried to catch some of the activities of the child psychopath on camera, such as his outdoor activities where he would mix water with some kind of bait to attract the cats. I do not know what the bait was. I only know that he was fooling around with containers of water, mixing them together for long periods of time, acting strange, like he was possessed. He would spend hours of time out in the yard, moving water from one container to another, and putting things into the containers, sometimes tasting or smelling them himself. Then he would do things like fill up a balloon with the water, with some kind of cat bait in it, and put the balloon next to his crotch, making a jerking-off motion and squirting the water out of the balloon. When I described this to the neighbor Kevin, Kevin described it as
‘urinating,’ but the motions that he was making were jerking-off motions, not like urinating, not just standing there passively holding it. This kid was vile, and started asking me questions about my baths and showers, after some kind of thing occurred while I was in the bathtub, an event, which none of the neighbors had any reason to have knowledge of. This kid, after that event occurred in my shower, started asking me, ‘Did you take a shower? Did you *DIE* in the shower? I mean, did you take a shower today, because you have a different shirt on’ [at a moment when, actually, I DIDN’T have a different shirt on, it was the same shirt].

After that ‘event’ occurred in my shower, during the time period when I had been talking to this kid because, originally, I thought that he WASN’T a disgusting gangstalker psychopath child, I accidentally mistook him for a human, so I was allowing him to communicate with me and handle the kittens – during that time, an event occurred in the shower, and ever afterwards, he was constantly asking me questions about whether I took a shower or not and whether I died in the shower. I absolutely HATE using the word ‘die’ to refer to any such things.

This kid was also trying to persuade me to set up my camping tent, and repeatedly was asking me to sleep in the tent with him. He wanted us to go set up the tent somewhere else in the woods and sleep there together. He kept pressuring me to do this. I remember I said something like, ‘Well, maybe I’ll go get the tent ready,’ and he and I went over into the big storage tent, where I had my little camping tent, which had been all piled up in a messy pile because I wasn’t using it, with all the pieces and stuff lying there, and I kind of picked up some of the pieces and moved them around, like I was gathering them together so that I could carry the tent someplace else and set it up, but I was kind of dragging my feet about doing this.

And eventually, after a couple seconds of kind of pretending to move around the pieces of the tent, I said something like, ‘Well, I can’t really FIND all of it right now, so maybe we’ll just have to do this some other time.’ I acted like it was just too much of a pain to try to dig around through the pile of junk to try to find all of the pieces of the tent, so I wouldn’t be able to set it up. This was a twelve-thirteen year-old kid, I forget, maybe fourteen, in a probably-gangstalker family, who was trying to entrap me into doing something with him, which they would obviously use to try to get me thrown in jail. The people who were attacking me during that time period DID successfully arrange to get me thrown in jail. It’s just that this particular thing, trying to get me to go sleep in a tent with this child, would have probably had a worse jail sentence than the thing that I eventually got convicted of, breaking their glass door.

He and his family behaved like psychotronic gangstalkers, people who are watching everything you do on this network. Anyway, what he did with this water balloon was, he would walk around the yard, making jerking off motions while holding the water balloon on his crotch, squirting out the water, and then, at the places where the water landed, it would leave a spot that all the cats would come over to, and they would all be sniffing it and hanging around it. This explains how he got the kittens to crawl up underneath the tires of my car so that they died and got crushed whenever I started driving the car after it was parked – after the time when I saw him HANGING AROUND THE BACK OF MY CAR FOR NO REASON when I looked out the window. He was just ‘doing something,’ near the back of my car. I didn’t actually witness the balloon full of cat bait, but after that, my kittens were crawling up into the wheels of my car, and there had been one of them, already, in 2022, that DID get killed and crushed when I started the car. He was already doing it in that time period. I just wasn’t living near him at the time, and wasn’t speaking to him or interacting with him. He had been there at the time, but lived in a different location. The OLD owners made us all move up to a different place, which is when this kid started interacting with me.

This was all remembered, from looking at the photos, and from looking at my ‘surveillance videos’ that I tried to take, to catch the kid doing the weird things that he was always doing. I had a bad camera at the time. It had something wrong with it, some kind of software or hardware glitch, which was causing all of the videos to have this jerky stop motion thing happening, where it would go for a couple seconds, then sort of lock up and stop, then go again for a few seconds. It happened no matter how much memory the computer was using, no matter what video quality I put it on, everything. It would happen at the LOWEST video quality. It was happening at all of the different settings. There was really something wrong with it. It also had a permanent cloudy spot, right in the exact center of the lens. I used that camera like that for years, so I have years and years of videos and photos with a big blurry spot right in the center, and videos that lock up every couple seconds. I FINALLY bought a new camera, and part of the reason why I decided to go buy that new camera was because I was trying to get this kid on film.

So the happiness level of all of my photographs was going down lower and lower, towards the end. I’ve been ugly for decades. In the recent last couple of years, I’ve also been old, in addition to being ugly. I could see my skin, in some of the photos and videos. The skin of my hands has these teeny, tiny wrinkles all over it. The wrinkles stay there, whenever I flex my hand backwards or forwards. It used to be that the wrinkles would temporarily appear if I flexed my wrist backwards, squeezing the skin together, and then disappear when I flexed it forwards again. The tiny wrinkles are still there whenever I flex my hand forwards again. They smooth out only if I droop my hand down farther, stretching out the skin on the back of the hand. I can see those wrinkles in some of the videos. So now, I am old, in addition to being ugly. I can see this in the videos and photos.

My cats didn’t care that I was old and ugly. They adored me, and crawled all over me, all the time. The flowers in my garden, the wildflowers and the little tiny bees, didn’t care that I was old and ugly. They loved me, because I was letting the garden grow so that they could come and pollinate the flowers, and the flowers were just happy to be alive, and the strawberries were happy that I wasn’t mowing them down with a lawnmower. All of them were happy to be alive, because I was letting them.

Maybe the bugs pollinating the flowers, and maybe the flowers, didn’t really know or understand that I existed, and maybe they didn’t love me, because they didn’t understand that I was the reason why, temporarily, they were allowed to exist. They weren’t allowed to exist with other people. Any other person there was always mowing them down. If a fleabane grew in the yard, everybody else was just mowing it down. I was taking the fleabanes, digging them up, uprooting them, and moving them into my native plants garden, on purpose, valuing the fleabanes as though they were special, even though they are just a boring white or pinkish aster. Then I would let them grow all the way up, as tall as they are, a couple feet high, and letting all the flowers bloom for as long as they would bloom, until they had seeds.

Other people don’t understand that wildflowers will grow up to kind of a tall height, a couple feet high, usually about waist height or something. Then, you will walk through a field, where everything, all of it, is somewhere around your waist in height, although some of it will grow taller, and some of them will grow up above your head, the sunflowers, and the wild lettuce plants. Other people don’t understand this. They take flowers, and then they start breeding the flowers deliberately. When they breed the flowers, they change them, so that the flowers will have less and less leaf and stem, because, they think, the leaves and stems aren’t important. They think it isn’t important for the plant to have flowers that are a couple feet high off the ground. I don’t know the exact reason why flowers want to be a couple feet high off the ground, but that is what they want to be. The people who breed them will make them shorter and shorter, making them into ‘dwarf varieties,’ and using genetic modification, like something they would have done in the Penn State Test Garden (which doesn’t exist anymore).

Years ago – even though I *HATE* breeding and gene modifications – I used to enjoy taking walks outdoors, when I lived in State College, on that road, was it Park Avenue? and I would walk through the test gardens. They would have hundreds of different colors of flowers that they were making and testing. These were ‘normal mainstream garden flowers,’ not native plants, so they took plants from foreign countries and foreign climates, just because the flowers were large and brightly colored. All of them, of course, are only a few inches off the ground. They are probably infertile, unable to produce seeds.

They would make them as short as possible, with the largest possible number of flowers on the plant, but producing no fertile seeds, so that you would have to always buy more of them at the store, and they would DIE every year, so that you would have to buy more of them at the store, and they wanted it this way.

Maybe some of them don’t die every year, but a lot of times, these are annuals, temporary flowers that won’t survive over the winter. There are some types of nonnative garden flowers that do survive over the winter. Those hideous ‘aster afro’ things, and I’m NOT making fun of afros – I am in favor of African people growing their natural hair texture. But it really is just like an afro. They’ll have this little flowerpot, with this round ball of nothing but solid flowers in every direction, on every square inch of the surface area of this flower sphere. THAT IS WHAT THE MAINSTREAM PUBLIC BELIEVES THAT FLOWERS SHOULD BE. Then they throw this whole flowerpot into the trash, at the end of the fall, but really, if you plant those trash asters into the ground, they will survive, because they are hardy perennials, even though they are some kind of fake species, I dunno, not sure what they are, probably something foreign. They do grow back, but people don’t even bother, they throw the whole thing into the garbage every fall. Then they spend money and buy them again next year.

But I did used to enjoy walking down those walkways, in the sun, decades ago when the Penn State test garden was still there along Park Avenue. I did like all the different colors and kinds of flowers.

11:25 AM 12/14/2024

I called off sick today. I will not be able to see a person who I looked forward to seeing. I’m really sick and still coughing a whole lot.

I should reread this and see where I went off on the tangents. I don’t remember what I was talking about.

I had a dream last night. I spent a long time looking through all my folders of photos yesterday evening. Last night, I dreamed about my cats. I was walking around in the snow, and I found Nunu, Bluminu, lying down in the edge of a pile of snow, with the snow partly covering his body. He was alive, and curled up, trying to keep warm in a pile of snow. I was trying to pick him up and get him out of that and take him somewhere, but there were a whole bunch of other small cats and kittens there too, and some of them weren’t cats. Some of them were something else, like foxes, a different kind of animal. There were several different species of strange animals there. They were all mine, my kittens and my other animals, and I was going around looking for them, in this snow. I was still able to find a few of them, but it wasn’t very many. There was some tiny thing that looked sort of like a baby white fox. That was probably symbolic, because the dreams are written by people.

I know I found this little baby white fox thing, actually sort of a bluish white color, and it might have even resembled one of my ‘beanie babies.’ I don’t buy beanie babies, myself. But Kevin from the campground spontaneously bought me a little tiny kitty cat, from Sheetz or somewhere, and gave it to me as a gift, because we were all being evicted from the campground, and he was going somewhere else. I accepted the gift, and I have kept it, but only just recently, I bought myself a second little kitten, of a slightly different color, just because it’s wrong to have only one animal all by itself. Every animal should have AT LEAST ONE companion with it. It should not sit inside a house alone all day long, trapped in there, locked in prison, while the owner is away at work. I call them my ‘artificial kittens.’

You could have a chatgpt inside the artificial kittens, and they could talk to each other all day long. They would run out of things to talk about. That’s what happens whenever you’re locked inside of a house in the same place all day long. You have to see new things.

When I was a kid, we used to use our imaginations. Now that I know about mind control, I wonder if some of my imagination might have come from outside myself. I wasn’t literally ‘locked inside a house all day long,’ and I also wasn’t alone. I was restricted in that I was unable to drive a car, as a child. I could walk, or ride a bike, to the neighbors’ houses and play with other kids, but I didn’t go
everywhere, just to particular friends. We had access to televisions and video games, so we could get some ideas for our imaginations from there. We could get ideas from the books we were reading. I had a source of material for my imagination.

So I could be at home all day long, either by myself or with my brother, and we could play with toys, or else what you could call some kind of ‘live action’ game, where you yourself would run around doing things and pretending things. If we had other kids there, this was even better, although it depended on which friends they were. Different friends were able to play different kinds of things, depending on their socionic types, which I knew nothing about at the time. I only knew that different people had different abilities and different preferences, but had no system that described it or explained it.

There are some kids who are sort of story writers, who might make up a storyline about what the toys are doing. I used to do that. As I got older, my brain was changing. I got to this age where my brain changed, so that, for some unknown reason, I wasn’t able to use my imagination very well anymore, and I just couldn’t think of anything that I wanted to play. It was no longer inherently satisfying to try to think of some storyline that I wanted to play out with my toys.

Then there are other kids who are more of the live-action, full-body pretending kids, so we ourselves are running around doing things, instead of using toys in a storyline. We ourselves might be doing some kind of storyline. It isn’t just a ‘game,’ necessarily, like, there aren’t necessarily ‘rules.’ It isn’t organized. You don’t have, like, a baseball field, with particular people assigned to particular positions to do particular things in the game. We’re just acting out a story. It’s just like an episode of a TV show. It was that time when I told the little girl next door about how I had seen these GLOWING EYES floating in my bedroom, coming towards me. That was my alien abduction experience when I was maybe five years old. I don’t have any memory of being abducted, but the eyes were real. They weren’t imaginary.

I told everybody about those floating eyes in the darkness. Every person I met, every new kid, every new friend. I was asking people if they ever had any similar paranormal experiences. I wanted to know if anybody else had ever experienced anything like I had. Other kids did, sometimes, see monsters. Other kids did, actually, sometimes have weird things happen to them. I don’t remember all the details of what anybody ever told me. I remember kids having nightmares and being afraid of things. The next door neighbor in West Virginia, Jeremy Hamm, I’ve typed him as delta INFJ FiNe in hindsight. Their mom was my mom’s best friend, and I typed my mom as delta ESTJ TeSi. Jeremy was the closest thing to a best friend that I had at the time. Rachael was a dual ENFP NeFi, but I met her in sixth grade when I was older.

When I was younger, Jeremy was the friend that I had, and we did all this stuff together, and he was only a short distance away in the house next door. I remember he was scared of ‘the stein.’ In their basement, there was this big ‘stein.’ I would not have known what the word ‘stein’ meant. It was sort of a big vase. It had all these weird, scary pictures painted on it. The pictures were really weird if you looked at them close up, like, I don’t remember, horrifying people crawling all over the place or something, with big, bulging eyes. They were sort of monstrous looking, but I don’t remember the details. He was terrified of it. He had a nightmare that the stein was moving towards him, following him, chasing him, moving around on its own in the house, like he might walk around a corner and see that the stein was sitting there in the room, where it shouldn’t be, when nobody had put it there. He explained this to me, and I agreed that it was terrifying. I didn’t make fun of him for having nightmares and being afraid of the stein. He took me down into the basement and showed it to me, and we were looking at it from a safe distance away. We didn’t want to go really close to it, in case it would start moving, and because we didn’t want to see the horrifying, monstrous images up close.

I had the idea that the ‘stein’ was actually a drinking mug, for alcohol, only it was very large, like the size of a vase, and maybe it also had a handle on the side. If I was online, I could probably find a picture of something similar, but I’m not online right now. This idea of the stein chasing you, with its horrifying images, if it really is a drinking mug for alcohol – it could suck you down into hell, into the hell of alcoholism, where everything everywhere becomes like those people in those hell paintings, and there’s this particular artist who made these awful paintings, while he must have been on drugs. It’s from a long time ago. The people are all monstrous and distorted. Like, there’s some kind of huge animal, which has its side opened up or something, and people are walking around inside it like a house, but it’s alive. That kind of thing. I wouldn’t remember the name of the paintings or the artist, but they’re famous. I could ask chatgpt and it would probably know instantly exactly what I was talking about.

Isn’t there some weird thing where somebody is reading musical notes that are printed on somebody else’s naked butt? Seriously. There was a youtube video where somebody tried to interpret what those notes were, from the painting, and played what they sounded like.

Anyway, the overall feeling of the images was similar to that, horrifying and distorted and monstrous, under the influence of drugs. The stein could follow you around, and trick you into drinking whatever poison was inside of it, and you would get swallowed down into that other world of hell. Or you might not even drink anything, it would just pull you into that world. Or it would grab you, like a monster. I don’t know exactly what Jeremy was scared that the stein was going to do whenever it was following him around in the nightmare. It’s just that objects SHOULDN’T MOVE. If they do, something is wrong.

My landlord wants everything to be ‘in its place.’ I should move around all the objects in his house to the wrong places, every single day, when he’s not home. He will have a meltdown and end up in an asylum because of me. That’s okay, because he’s evicting me in the middle of winter when I have whooping cough or something, and I’m going to sleep in my car and probably end up in the hospital with frostbite and hypothermia, so putting him into an insane asylum because all of his possessions got moved out of place is not so bad in comparison.

I couldn’t guess exactly what type my landlord is, other than an alpha introvert, but I was torn between thinking that he was an INTJ, or an ISFP, TiNe or SiFe. It’s hard for me to tell. He is using a kind of Ti where objects have to be in their designated place, except it’s stupid and pointless. Why can’t I use, for instance, a cardboard box to put my clothes into? Because I didn’t buy a designated, official ‘Laundry Hamper,’ made in a factory, with a piece of paper on it saying the words ‘Laundry Hamper,’ from Walmart, designated for use as a laundry hamper, and only as a laundry hamper. That’s what he wants. You don’t use a cardboard box as a laundry hamper. You don’t use a box or a bag as a place to store clean clothes. You use HANGERS, and you buy these hangers at the store. They’re made in a factory, and they have labels on them that say ‘clothing hangers.’ That’s what you use them for. That’s the only thing that you should ever hang your clothes on. I’m not making this up. He has walked around my house and pointed his finger at every single thing, saying stupid shit like, ‘WHAT’S THAT?’ in an angry, accusative way, whenever there is, like, a fallen leaf on the floor, which blew in from the wind, in the fall. That leaf is OUT OF PLACE! LEAVES BELONG OUTDOORS, NOT ON THE CARPET. He went into the bathroom and was pointing at all the boxes and bags that have my clothing in them, and was like, ‘WHY DON’T YOU HAVE YOUR CLOTHES HANGING ON HANGERS IN THE CLOSET? YOU HAVE TO DO THAT.’ That was one of his insane, lunatic demands. The alleged ‘reason’ for this is because I am ‘attracting all kinds of bugs,’ and thereby ‘endangering other tenants,’ you know, in the same way that I might be ‘endangering other tenants’ if I lit the house on fire. IT’S THAT BAD. Having my clothes in boxes and bags is endangering other tenants as badly as if I were lighting the house on fire. He is completely, totally out of his fucking mind. This is part of what it says in my eviction letter! He actually wrote the words ‘endangering other tenants.’

He walked into the kitchen, and pointed his finger at the RUST SPOTS all over the side of the refrigerator that’s facing the oven. THOSE CAME FROM PREVIOUS TENANTS. There would have been stuff splashing onto the side of the refrigerator, or else moisture coming from steam on top of the stove. Whatever it was, liquids collected there, on the side of the refrigerator, maybe condensing on the cold after the heat, and it left all these rusting spots all over the entire surface. Yeah – that must have happened in the COUPLE OF WEEKS THAT I’VE LIVED HERE, because RUST IS THAT FAST. He’s too fucking blind and stupid to use his fucking eyes to look at it and figure out that it’s FUCKING RUST and that IT COULD NOT HAVE HAPPENED THAT FUCKING QUICKLY DURING THE COUPLE OF WEEKS THAT I’VE BEEN HERE.

I can’t use the word ‘fucking’ even as an expletive, though, because sometimes I seriously wonder if these people are abusing me because they are hoping that I’m going to try to give them sexual favors or something. Oh no! I’m being evicted! I’m SO HELPLESS that I have NO CHOICE except to offer sexual favors to somebody loathsome and disgusting! Woe is me! Apparently, other human beings do respond this way, and that’s how a lot of women get to upper level positions in corporations. ‘Not being willing to be a whore’ is one of the reasons why I’ve gone decades working at the lowest possible levels of every job that I’ve had, but that’s not all, gangstalking is mostly the reason why I haven’t been able to make any progress of any kind in life at all, along with chronic fatigue syndrome – which might have come from a lab-made virus in the early 2000s.

It would be nice if I had any other curse words that were somehow stronger than the f-word, which would serve the purpose without suggesting sex. One reason why I censor myself, in the real world, physically, from saying the f-word too badly, is because, I’ve experienced this thing where I’ve used the f-word in a sentence, in an angry way, and the person who heard me would sexually harass me afterwards, touching me in some way that I didn’t want. It has happened so frequently and so consistently that I’ve ended up censoring myself to make sure that I don’t get sexually violated, because they think I’m using the f-word as a suggestion or as a request, rather than because it’s the harshest, strongest word of hatred and anger that I can possibly think of, in my extremely limited vocabulary of emotional expression. That’s why I get angry millions of times a day, at work, and you’ll hear me walking around shouting ‘FUTHER MUCKERS!’ like Ned Flanders on the Simpsons or something. I have silly things that I’m saying instead of curse words. I also make mistakes and say ‘fucker muckers’ or something, and that’s when it all falls apart. But I’m muttering these things quietly enough by then that nobody is going to hear me.

‘My cats don’t care that I’m old and ugly.’ Neither do the
gangstalkers. There’s a fetish for everything, and I didn’t know about this, but there must be a fetish for old ugly people. I have loved older men, when I was young, and I spent some time with men who were a couple decades older than I was, when I was in my young twenties. I loved them for a lot of reasons. This wasn’t tons and tons of people, I don’t mean that. I’m only thinking of a few people over all the decades of my life.

In the pictures that I was going through, I skipped through the folders, over the years when I had my cats and kittens and my garden. I saw how it all changed, and how horrible it became towards the end, and that’s when I mostly stopped taking pictures. I saw pictures of dead cats. I saw pictures and videos of that kid, just one of many different psychopaths, because it was gangs of psychopaths, groups of psychopaths, all ganging up together and murdering my animals and evicting me and bulldozing everything. I saw things that became more and more unpleasant.

Then I saw pictures of myself. I had taken a few photos of my face. They were turned sideways, and I rotated them. My face looks… beyond miserable. Indescribable. It looks like I aged a decade in a couple of months. I have never looked so old, so quickly. I was talking a lot, and sometimes crying a lot, while I was looking at all these pictures and videos. The face in the picture was saying, basically, ‘I am alive.’ I am still alive. This is my ‘I am still alive’ face. It means, look at all these pictures, look at what happened to me, and here I am, and I am still alive. This picture is of a person who looks old, ugly, and miserable.

That is the person who I am, and I am taking it all the way to the very end. I have said many times, ‘They will have to rip the life out of my cold, dead hands.’ That comes from the thing where people say they’re keeping their firearms, keeping their guns, and not letting anybody take their guns away from them. Somebody will have to yank their gun out of their cold, dead hands. I own one single piece of property. This is my body. It’s partially invaded by the most evil mind control, which stops me from using it the way that a soul is supposed to be able to use its body. I’m still keeping it and not letting it go, even though this evil is controlling it. I can’t remember what it’s like to be reincarnated or to go into the afterlife, so I’m going to postpone that for as long as I possibly can, because I don’t know for sure whether I will get another chance to live or not.

What I would like to have is for somebody to fake my death, and then give me a life extension. However, I wouldn’t want to be trapped and enslaved while living an extended lifespan. I would want to live some kind of good quality of life while having an extended lifespan. I want to live longer, because there is so much more work that needs to be done. You can keep on doing work if you can remember the will that tells you what it is that you need to do. If you have been reborn, you have forgotten everything, and you don’t remember why anything matters, and you don’t remember what is important, or what isn’t important, or what are the reasons for doing things. You have also forgotten all of your knowledge. The knowledge will have to be either relearned, or else it will be special, specific knowledge that is lost and gone forever, into the chaos, into the time. By the time you learn some of it back, not all of it, but a tiny bit of it, you will be old, weak, and helpless. That is where I am now. I’ve only just learned a couple of things that I need to know, right at the moment when the forces of evil have been destroying my body for decades. I had rules that I was supposed to follow, like, ‘Don’t use caffeine,’ and ‘Eat a healthy diet, meals made at home from scratch, for every single meal, every day, for your entire life.’ You must custom-make every single meal, because nobody else will make food properly. Every single meal that you eat for a lifetime must follow your rules of nutrition. All of this would have prevented me from having osteoporosis, tooth loss, and a stooped back. Riding a bike should probably be forbidden, because I’m somewhat sure that that is what dislocated my hip joints, although riding a horse will also do the same thing. You have to sit on a chair that is flat, which supports the weight of your entire body from underneath, if you want to prevent the joint damage, and never sit on the type of chair like a bike seat, which puts your weight onto your pelvis in such a way that the hip joints are forcibly bending outwards away from the joint, hanging with gravity – just as horrible as one of those forward-facing baby slings, where the baby’s legs are just DANGLING IN THE AIR and doing hip joint damage to the baby. That is the stupidest and most insane baby sling, made by retarded lunatics who have this idea that the baby ‘SHOULD,’ quote unquote, ‘SHOULD’ be forced against its will, in an unnatural way, to face forwards towards other people, such that the baby is unnaturally forced to ‘confront society and other people head-on’ without retreating into the safety of its mother, hiding its face when it’s afraid. THESE PEOPLE ARE LUNATICS. They want to make sure that their baby can never look away from anything, can never hide its face, because they believe that, EVEN IN A TINY HELPLESS BABY, hiding your face in fear is a cowardly, weak thing to do – EVEN THOUGH A BABY ACTUALLY IS WEAK AND ACTUALLY FOR REAL REALLY NEEDS PROTECTION. What if some horrible, disgusting creep like Joe Biden is walking up to your mother, and then tickling you on your helpless, exposed torso, facing towards Joe Biden and never away from him, and you can’t move, no matter what, because of this sling.

1:03 PM 12/14/2024
Unfortunately, I didn’t have quite enough of a violent, sudden, coughing and retching fit in the face of the landlord who knocked on the door just now, but it wouldn’t have mattered, because he’s really old, so he’s immune to everything. He has no idea what it’s like to grow up as a vaccinated person. Vaccinated people are the sickest people on earth. Old people didn’t get as many vaccinations. They just had childhood illnesses, and they developed immunity on their own, making them grow up and live a lifetime of good health, much better health and better immunity than any of us in the present time can even imagine. I probably could have vomited right into his face and he wouldn’t even catch any diseases from me.

But alas, that did not happen.

The voices in my head, which are PARTIALLY from an artificial intelligence, but not entirely, because it’s also operated by human gangstalkers and agencies – the voices in my head have rationalized that the reason why I’m being evicted is because of breast cancer, and they were afraid that I was getting breast cancer from the pesticides.

I am actually having this ongoing, constant reaction to the traces of pesticides that are here, it’s true. However, the breast cancer was from before that. It began at the time whenever they sprayed the field with glyphosate next door to the campground, whenever I was going over there, after being evicted, to feed the cats at the shelters, at the time when the shelters were still there and hadn’t been torn down and stolen by the psychopath grandson – the other two sons, or whoever those other relatives were, were nice to me. It was only that youngest asshole guy who was a psychopath. He might possibly have murdered some of my cats. I was going over there and walking RIGHT THROUGH all the glyphosate on the field, because I didn’t know what it was. I didn’t realize it had been sprayed. It was after the winter, in the spring. There was all of a sudden something there, all over, that smelled bad. If I was anywhere near it, I became hopelessly sick, over a period of minutes, as the minutes went on, sicker and sicker until I couldn’t move, and if I had laid down on the ground in the field, I would have died there. I had this all over my shoes, and it went into the ‘foot well’ place in my car, so it’s all over the floor below the driver’s seat, and inside my shoes.

The breast cancer was also triggered by trying new kinds of deodorant, because Tom’s of Maine suddenly stopped making the one that I used to use. It was a deodorant without any antiperspirant. That is a compromise, because I actually want to have no deodorant of any kind at all, on myself or on anybody else. This is the way of human existence for millions of years. I do not want chemicals on my body. I would also not use these shampoos and conditioners and soaps, but I don’t have a place where I can go mixing chemicals and making things, to make my own soap at home, so that I could have some kind of soap rather than nothing at all.

I remember trying a new antiperspirant that I had never tried before, because I hadn’t yet found any types that were deodorant-only, without antiperspirant. I *HAVE* found one, and have been using it, but it is a godawful fake chemical perfume stench that I hate. At least with Tom’s of Maine, you had the option of getting one that was unscented, or else there were pleasant, enjoyable natural herbal extracts that I sincerely liked, which I would get once in a while. I do like the smell of essential oils. I remember, I think – not chamomile, that’s not it, calendula? I liked that one, partly because the flowers were orange or something, and it was a pretty picture. They also had various kinds of wood and pine scents, which I also like. They had lavender, but I usually avoid lavender, because I’ve read that it’s estrogenic or something. It does something to your hormones, I just don’t remember what it does.

But I tried a new one, when I could no longer get the right kind of Tom’s of Maine. I tried something that had antiperspirant. I haven’t used antiperspirant in DECADES. I did use it, when I was young and clueless and I was just doing what I was told. I was using deodorant, which is different – it allows you to sweat, it just changes the bacteria somehow, maybe killing certain kinds of bacteria, so that you don’t smell as much. But I used an actual antiperspirant for a short period of time, and it was terrible. I hated it. It felt like something was tightly pinching all of my skin together. Immediately, I had a big cancer-like lump appearing in my armpit. I’ve had breast cancer-like sensations since that time period.

The Stoltzfuses probably gave me cancer on purpose, because I think that they also gave Joy cancer on purpose. She was the previous owner. They probably poisoned her by sneaking into her house. Somebody was urinating in the food in my refrigerator. I probably got a
cancer-causing virus from whoever did that. Viruses cause cancer. I don’t mean all viruses, only specific ones.

Then the other thing happened, another triggering factor, which was that I tested the wild yam leaves, by picking a couple of leaves and drying them out on my dashboard. I didn’t ingest them orally, I just crushed the leaves and smeared it on my skin. It goes through the skin. I was testing the hormone effects. The effect was extremely strong and unpleasant, so I stopped using it. It caused some contamination on the dashboard, but it’s not too bad, and I’ve mostly wiped it off.

So several factors came all at the same time: the glyphosate all over the field, which I was just walking right through, with my shoes, and then walking into my car afterwards; somebody urinating in my food and possibly giving me viruses; in theory, I MIGHT POSSIBLY have caught a viral disease that causes cancer, by taking showers at a truck stop and sitting down on those benches in the shower, at times when somebody didn’t clean it well enough; I was not having sex with anybody at all during all of this time, so there was no sexual exposure, but I suddenly and unexpectedly had symptoms resembling a sexually transmitted disease, that is, there are at least two lumps that I am able to feel, by palpating with my fingers, on the cervix, and these lumps appeared suddenly out of nowhere during this time.

And also, another factor is that my teeth are breaking off, and I have recently lost one of the teeth that had a plastic dental filling in it. There’s one more that still has a plastic dental filling. Whenever the plastic dental fillings are coming into contact with the saliva, I start having breast pain from exposure to the bisphenol-A. The same thing used to happen, for years, whenever I was wearing an orthodontic retainer made out of plastic. I had unexplained breast pain, and they called it… fibrocystitis???? I think. I’m not sure. Fibrocystic breast disease? Fibrocystitis? Well, it was nothing more than BPA from plastic exposure, because IT WENT AWAY AND NEVER HAPPENED AGAIN once I stopped wearing a plastic orthodontic retainer in my mouth. I had no breast pain at all for decades. Then, suddenly, I got two new plastic dental fillings, and I suddenly, out of nowhere, had terrible pain in my breasts, headaches, hot flashes that were really severe, terrible mood swings, and the inability to think clearly. I also had sexual impotence, as in, female erectile dysfunction, because females also have erectile tissue, it’s just smaller. That was caused by BPA, and it was very severe, and happened immediately with the new plastic dental fillings. This gradually faded away over a period of many months, but it was a long time. Since some of my teeth are breaking off now, I may have some parts of leftover plastic fillings that are exposed and leaching again. The remaining root of the one broken tooth might possibly have some small amount of plastic filling in it, but I can’t really examine it or see it well enough to know. It might not be visible. Mercury from mercury dental fillings will spread around into the tooth area, making the tooth look gray nearby, for instance, and maybe some plastic chemicals leached over into nearby tooth materials.

Those, as far as I know, are the factors that have happened at the same time that I started having breast pain and cancer-like
sensations. It got really bad recently in some kind of hormone exposure, which I BELIEVE I successfully troubleshooted. I stopped drinking bottled water from the small plastic bottles of that one particular brand, and I got the usual gallon size jugs of water that I usually get. I stopped using a particular body wash that I’ve never used before, which somebody gave me as a gift. I also had a new used coat, which might have transdermal drug and hormone residues on it from its previous owner. I also have been giving hugs to a woman who has, herself, had breast cancer and a double mastectomy, so in theory, she might have used synthetic hormone replacement therapy in menopause, which causes breast cancer. I might have secondhand transdermal hormone residues, if she has continued to keep on using these HYPOTHETICAL and unverified synthetic hormones to this day, recently. But that wouldn’t explain it, because there was this large, sudden, severe, hormone-like incident, which happened not long ago, all at once, something really big. I’m still giving her hugs in an ongoing way every time I see her, but haven’t had a big, huge outbreak or attack. The thing that was big and huge and unusual was the fact that I was, all of a sudden, drinking from those small plastic water bottles, while also simultaneously using an unfamiliar body wash that I’ve never used before. I’ve eliminated both of those factors. I haven’t been wearing or testing the other coat that was suspected of having transdermal substances on it, partly because ‘testing’ means ‘triggering it again,’ and I DON’T WANT TO DO THAT, which is the whole point. I’m simultaneously avoiding every single factor that is suspected of possibly causing the problem, except I won’t avoid hugging someone. Hugging someone is more important, usually. There are only a few times when a secondhand drug residue is so extremely bad, it’s bad enough to make me decide to avoid hugging a person. There have been only a few situations where that happened. I doubt that this particular person is the cause of the problem, especially since I saw so many things leading up to this, in the many months before I ever encountered her or ever knew her. She had nothing to do with the glyphosate in the field, or the antiperspirant, or the strange STD-like symptom that suddenly appeared out of nowhere when I wasn’t having sex with anybody, none of that.

Meanwhile, I move into an apartment with low levels of pesticide that are triggering my chronic fatigue and my chemical sensitivity in an ongoing, chronic, nonstop, unavoidable way, in the background. This would be a factor adding to it and making it worse, adding momentum and power to the harm being done. This is the reason why ‘they,’ as in, the voices, rationalized that the pesticide in the apartment was so dangerous, it justified getting me out of here quickly and immediately because of the severity of the danger, because I had this sudden, strange outbreak of breast pain and swelling and other hormone-like symptoms.

1:40 PM 12/14/2024
This is what happens when I’m sick and also have no internet connection, and then I take a vivarin, and then sit down and write a blog post at home in notepad. How many hours have gone by since I first hit the timestamp? Four hours. Almost like a David Wilcock livestream! Poor guy, I hardly ever get to watch even a few minutes of his very long livestreams. I will sometimes be lucky enough to be sitting somewhere using a wifi when they come on, so that I can see them live. Mostly, I will just dabble through them later on, after they’re permanent, but because there’s no index, I wouldn’t really know what he’s talking about at any given moment. It probably isn’t easy to get a chatgpt to analyze the entire video and make summaries and indexes of it yet, so that I could see a transcript. I will just skip here and there sometimes, and say, ‘Okay, he’s talking about THIS for a while here…. later on, he’s talking about THIS for a few minutes,’ and so on, but not follow enough of it to really know what it was all about. I imagine that people must usually read my very long blog posts the same way. ‘Are you still alive? Yes.’ That’s how people are reading my blog. If you have an automatic text reader that will read it for you, how much time does it take to read an entire thing? It’s like I’m writing an entire short book every couple days. How many hours does it take for a text reader to read one of my long blog posts as an audio? This is NOT high quality dense material. It’s not educational or entertaining.

I am off sick from work. I will either go someplace and post it and come home and take a nap, or… something. Maybe I’ll sit and watch videos until the laptop battery runs out. But it’s very cold sitting in my car using the wifi. I just hate sitting indoors, where I am TORTURED BY THE GODAWFUL MUSIC playing on the intercoms. Music is torture. It’s very hard to find any music that isn’t torture. I tolerated music better whenever I was totally decaffeinated, completely cold turkey and off caffeine for weeks and months, which has only happened a couple of times since the addiction began. I was more easygoing.

I don’t mean those numbers as a ‘bad ranking’ because anything bad happened, just the opposite

I am awake in the middle of the night, and still sick. I had said that ‘our level of interaction,’ whatever, went down from like 0.07 down to 0.02 or something, on a 0-10 scale. I don’t mean that it was BAD, I only mean that the AMOUNT of interaction that I have with him isn’t enough, and that I wish that I had more of it. Like, we are barely interacting with each other at all, and not talking as much as I would like to, and not doing anything at all that I would like to do, but the thing I was trying to say was, I was so sick these last few days that I didn’t feel courageous enough to try to reach out in any way. I don’t mean, ‘It was 0.02 because it was bad, it was terrible, horrible things happened,’ I only mean that there was hardly any amount, hardly any quantity, while every little bit of interaction is precious. I wrote down whatever I was seeing and whatever people did, but I would have to change it so that I could post it, because, for instance, merely deleting people’s names, but also, other stuff I would change how I phrased it or whether I included it, that kind of thing. That was all that I meant. I just woke up in the middle of the night and ‘they’ were making it sound to me like my numbers were saying that terrible things were happening, which is the opposite of what I mean. I see every moment as precious, so, wonderful things are happening, but there just aren’t ENOUGH of them, in quantity. I haven’t had any herbal drugs recently that would lower my inhibitions, so I’m hesitating to describe any loving, positive feelings about someone who I’m afraid has rejected me. Everything that I say would be at the maximum creepiness level in the description that I wrote in my own file that I’m not posting. I’m tired and not very caffeinated right now, either.

so this drone invasion means flying cars are here. WE HAVE FLYING CARS NOW. I’m gonna get a Barnswallow for Christmas

A Barnswallow is a blue and orange flying sportscar with a v-shaped tail, very maneuverable. It might be in some other language and it might not be called a Barnswallow. If you see a drone the size of a bus, that’s because it is a bus. Now that I’ve decided that the drones are full of people, I’m totally convinced. We don’t have designated high speed flying lanes yet.

Oh yeah, those drones might be carrying live people, and might not be unmanned

Since we’re not letting migrants come in over the border, and Trump’s threatening to deport everybody, maybe those drones are a new way of flying migrants in. They’re just like those damn charter van things that I’m seeing everywhere that have immigrants in them. Maybe now it’s just like, we’ll just fly in these aerial vehicles that aren’t like airplanes, but we’ll behave in a mundane, ordinary way, to not act weird, and not scare people, and we’ll fly slowly, with our flashing lights on, even though we’re capable of flying really fast if we want to, but we won’t. And we’re carrying people in here, and they look like ordinary humans, who are probably technically the same species as we are, but might have come from another location. I don’t know, I’m speculating. I’m not really worried about the big drone invasion, because there’s not the slightest thing that I can do about it regardless of what it is or who it is. I’m not scared, it’s more like, if the aliens want to attack me, then they will, and I’m not the slightest bit prepared for it, and it’s a really inconvenient time for me right now, in the middle of winter, when I have a bad cough, and I’m being evicted. I don’t have time to go build an air defense system in my garage, because I don’t have a garage right now. I would have to move some stuff around in my storage unit if I were going to start building 3D-printed surface-to-air missile systems in there. So, whatever the drones are, we’ll either find out, or we won’t.

if I waited for this cough to go away, I’d be off work for weeks, probably

I’m still coughing and retching. If it goes on for ninety days, it’s whooping cough. It probably isn’t, it’s just an ordinary bad cough right now. But I am sometimes doing a ‘whoop’ when I inhale, and that’s when the retching will usually start. If there’s enough slime in my airways that it makes a whooping sound when I inhale for the cough, then I’m going to be retching when I start coughing it out. I don’t feel too horrible overall, not much fatigue and not much body pain, just wishing I could stay home but not feeling bad enough to stay home. The guy that I look forward to will not be there, so there’s even less reason to be there. I can’t do the slightest thing with him at all when I am so sick and miserable, so the level of interaction between the two of us went from about 0.07, down to maybe 0.01 or 0.02, on a scale of 0 to 10, which means, very little, and nothing emotionally intense.

I did write a notepad file, but I don’t have time to select any parts of it or edit them. I don’t always feel like taking the risk of doing a detailed truth-telling non-anonymous blog post. Whatever drugs or substances influenced me that made me more risk-taking, it’s not there now.

Also, I successfully troubleshooted the thing that was causing hormone-like symptoms, because I stopped doing two things – I stopped using an unfamiliar body wash stuff that I had gotten as a gift, and I stopped drinking from a particular kind of bottled water bottles. Both of those things I had started doing, when the hormone symptoms started happening. It’s not COMPLETELY gone, but it’s greatly reduced. I haven’t had a chance to test either one of them independently to figure out which one it was. I may get around to it, but I don’t particularly care to know, it’s just filed away in my brain as ‘either one of those things, maybe, possibly,’ and if I ever need to know, I can find out in the future.

I may possibly get around to editing a couple bits and pieces of whatever parts might be publicly readable, but not right now, and I have to go in earlier, slightly. I am so effing sick it’s ridiculous, and I still can’t stop coughing. I can’t wait weeks and weeks for the cough to go away, while I just stay home.

ugh, I have to get past this stage of horrifically bad coughing

I was able to get through the work day, and I didn’t have body pain all over, but I’m still coughing terribly, and had several more retching incidents, but I was in the bathroom when that happened. I haven’t vomited.