About me and this blog

Retmeishka is not a real name, but a word that I made up by using glossolalia. I started inventing words phonetically when I was younger, and used them to name imaginary story characters, or to sing songs, or just to entertain myself.

I live in Bellefonte, PA. (Actually, I am living in State College as of 2012.) I am a female and was born in 1974 – I’m 37 at the time of this writing.

This is my anonymous blog. I have another blog under my own name. But this is where I go if I want to talk about sexual topics, my body, grooming, or anything else that I might not feel comfortable having my employers and co-workers reading.

I am a ‘targeted individual,’ someone who experiences electronic harassment, mind control, and alternate personalities. Believe it or not, I do write about that on my real-name blog. But sometimes the anger and hatred and frustration is bad enough that I don’t want my friends and co-workers to worry about me when I express it. So I put some of it over here on retmeishka.

Also, I am chemical sensitive, but thankfully, I don’t seem to have this problem as badly as some people who experience multiple chemical sensitivity. I have used the Feingold Diet, which eliminates certain chemicals in foods, and am also interested in the Weston A. Price diet. I have written about my chemical sensitivity problems on my other blog as well, but I often feel that people are probably sick of hearing about it. I am still recovering from an accident early in 2007 when I attempted to grow medicinal herbs indoors, and contaminated all of my clothing and the carpets. It seems like this problem has gone on for a really long time and sometimes I want to talk about it without worrying about what people will think of me.

Sometimes I’m obsessed with a topic and write for hours, which creates very long entries. And it’s often a sexual topic or a grooming-related topic, or anger about my mind control experiences and the voices. So some of that writing will appear over here.

Anything that I want to say, but for some reason don’t feel comfortable about, will go here. Anything for the ‘imaginary audience,’ anybody who randomly finds this, anybody except the people I see day-to-day. Since this is anonymous, I use real people’s first names, since it would be hard to use Google to figure out who they are.

I might give individual people a link to this blog if I decide to share it with them.

My other blog:


57 Responses to “About me and this blog”

  1. Dr Raj Says:

    Dear Nicole Binns,

    Have you ever been to a psychiatrist?I am sure you ll find a lot of relief fom ones who control you.You would feel better on the whole.I have seen people like you who have felt much better.


    Dr Raj

  2. retmeishka Says:

    I went to a psychiatrist several years ago, for a short time. I used Prozac for a couple of weeks, but I couldn’t stand the side effects, so I never used it again. That was the first prescription psychiatric drug I tried; I had already tried some over-the-counter herbal drugs. I decided that I tolerated the herbal drugs better (although I have problems with them, too). Some people feel better on drugs, and some people feel worse.

    My experiences aren’t as bad as some other people’s. The ‘hearing voices’ phenomena, and other things, are usually at a level that I can tolerate, although I would get rid of them completely if I could.

    Psychiatrists see people having these experiences, and you worry about them and want to help. I think it’s important to give people support and let them know they can talk about it to somebody when they need to. It’s okay to just listen, even if you can’t solve their problem.

  3. DystopianPerfection Says:

    You might find it weird to get a comment from a 16 year old, but I could relate to your about me. I’ve been through shit already in my 16 years and the depression and anxiety is so much that I cannot bear it any longer. I have a blog that I use for my alter cyber persona. Just thought I’d drop a line and tell you hat you’re not alone in the way you feel.

  4. DystopianPerfection Says:

    Btw my blog has shifted to http://www.dystopianperfection.wordpress.com

  5. itoldyouiwassick Says:

    Hi. Come read. http://itoldyouiwassick.wordpress.com/ I get (some of) it.

  6. ReadersHeaven Says:

    Hi, nice to meet you !

  7. Bethy Says:

    Oh dear what a wonderful blog, this is the first time I feel free to express myself as an individual and connect to someone else this real and open. Thank you and don’t stop posting these wonderful stories.

  8. nasvn Says:

    hi nice to meet you Retmeishka , i enjoyed reading your blogs

  9. Nicole Says:

    thanks, you too 🙂

  10. Laura Says:

    I am interested in your experience with resin dental fillings I have terrible breast pain now and you are only one of a few comments I can find on the internet concerning this problem.
    What was your outcome ? Did anything help? I am very concerned about cancer etc.
    Please any reply/ipersnl history info you can share would be appreciated. D id you remove them etc.? , did it ever go away?

  11. Laura Says:

    I am reading some of your old entries about the fillings/breast pain like I have Thanks for having this in the blog but doesnt sound too promising as you still get the pain, I was taking st Johns wort for dental pain ALSO caused by the fillings…..I have always been petro chemical sensitive to plastic smells etc. never thought about what was going in to my mouth DUH!

  12. Nicole Says:

    I’m sorry to hear that someone else is having this problem too. Okay, here is how it is for me now. I got the plastic fillings in 2008, I think, and it’s now 2011. The symptoms got much better, but they are NOT completely gone. I am not using St. John’s Wort anymore, but whenever I do use it, it triggers the breast pain again. I need to clarify: the St. John’s Wort never CAUSED breast pain for me. The pain started when I got the plastic fillings, on the same day, and it was severe. However, afterwards, for some reason, St. John’s Wort started triggering the pain and making it worse than it was. So it’s a combination of the two things, getting the dental fillings, and then using SJW afterwards, that triggers the pain, for me personally. The pain has mostly stopped now that I’m not using SJW, but it’s not gone.

    I haven’t developed cancer or any other dangerous problems yet. When I was a teenager, I had a plastic orthodontic retainer, and during that time, I had breast pain again, only during the time period when the plastic retainer was in my mouth. I told my mom about the breast pain, and she called it ‘fibrocystic disease.’ So you can look up fibrocystitis or fibrocystic breast disease on the net, and maybe that will give you a word to describe it, but I don’t think it’s the same, I think that’s something else. The breast pain caused by plastic isn’t the same as fibrocystitis. Still, you can read about it. It doesn’t lead to cancer.

    You can also read about a chemical called Bisphenol-A, if you haven’t already read about that. That is the name of one of the chemicals leaching out of the plastic dental fillings, and people believe that that is probably the chemical causing the symptoms.

    My mom had breast cancer, so technically, it ‘runs in my family,’ but I haven’t developed it. My mom’s breast cancer was caused by her taking hormone supplement pills to help her with the symptoms of menopause. She never had cancer until she took the pills, and then they found out later on that hormone supplements can cause cancer. She had a mastectomy but she is still alive and well. And as I said, I haven’t developed any cancer yet.

    I haven’t removed the dental fillings. I tried once to convince the dentist to remove them, but he wouldn’t, because I asked him to just leave the cavities open, and not to put any more new fillings into them, as I was sick of ALL types of fillings by now and didn’t want to take any more risks of having reactions.

    I not only have breast pain, I also have a swollen face and eye on the side where the fillings are. It isn’t always swollen, but every once in a while it gets irritated.

    I know, I understand that you never thought about what kind of fillings were being put into your mouth. We usually trust the doctors and dentists to know what they’re doing, and then it’s a shock to find out that they don’t know everything and they sometimes make terrible mistakes, and then, they keep on doing the same things anyway, and not admitting there’s a problem.

    So, my answer is that three years later, I still don’t have cancer, but the pain is still there, although very very mild, and it’s mostly triggered when I take St. John’s Wort, but SJW is not the ’cause’ of the pain. I took SJW without any pain at all, until after the fillings, then suddenly SJW started triggering the pain. So there is some kind of interaction between St. John’s Wort and the plastic resin in your body, and I don’t know how that interaction works.

    I’m still planning to remove the fillings myself, using… some kind of unknown method 😀 I don’t know what. I want to have children, and I don’t want my breasts to hurt while I’m nursing them. My breasts are now painfully sensitive to stimulation more than they used to be, although, again, this symptom has been much milder over time. I am sure it would go away if I only got the fillings out. But at least I can reassure you that, so far, no cancer.

  13. Laura Says:

    LONG story warning:I know the SJW did not cause the pain It is from the plastic BPA or some other chemical that makes up the “resin” filling Xenoestrogens I am 100% sure well I think that is what it is… .Everything happened after the fillings.Jan 2011 I had a silver filling( never a problem with those ) that chipped . I have been avoiding the dentist for a long time along with doctors after going to a doctor with a bad cold and getting a medication that put me in the hospital from an adverse drug reaction( see FQRESEARCH.ORG). Well the tooth chipped and I thought I was mostly finally over that nightmare after 3years which is lucky because if you look at that website you will see some people never recover from flouroquinolones,,,I still have some issues that will never go away from FQs,, ….,anyway I was totally against flouride(part of the drug makeup) after that and also almost everyone that has FQ has reactions from dental anethesias
    So I went in and discussed the anesthesias and agreed on the least harmful. When he looked it had a big crack in it that is why it chipped and when he opened it he said it was too decayed to save. He then said I needed Xrays since it had been so long since I was at a dentist. He told me I had cavities in both teeth surrounding the tooth that needed to be extracted, one on the bottom below it and two on the other side. So over the course of a month I had 5 resin fillings! I now wonder if I needed all those all at once…….anyway I too have what feels like a swollwn face and sore lower jaw ever since. I also had bad pain from 2 of the fillings! the detist told me it takes a while to’ settle’ sometimes whatever that means and he would not do a root canal not that I was asking for one! I also have headaches I never had. I already felt screwed about these new type fillings& by then I was taking advil at first and on the internet I found 18 paqges at 1 site alone about painful resin fillings(http://ehealthforum.com/health/topic15411.html) and reactions.The breast pain was slight and I did not know what was going on but the dental pain was my main concern at first but the breast pain kept increasing.
    I started to take SJW for the dental nerve pain instead of the advil. The dental pain has died down but not completely but many websites have zillions of entries about people that it took over 6 months. some years. All the time the breast pain got worse but it started with the fillings, the swollen face, jaw aching on the side with the 2 painful fillings still are there but less painful. WHY I AM FREAKED I am 55 yrs old I never had any breast pain before a very uneventful( no side effects) menopause and that was 5 yrs ago! The only time I had breast pain was the first few days of breastfeeding so dont get freaked yourself if that happens to you. I never took any meds or hormones for menopause but now I am getting chemical xenoestrogens to the max from these evil fillings. I always avoid plastics any petro chemicals formeldyhyde etc. because I cant handle the smell all my life. I admit I am hyper sensitive and alway have been. I eat well and use organic shampoos etc. after the flouroquinolone reaction but my liver may still not be up to detoxing these xenoestrogens if that is what it is becasue I thought these resin fillings only “off” when first put in but there you were having it for at least a year . I have been healthy all my life and no diseases from my life style ; only almost killed by a doctor /big pharma and now in facial and breast pain and anxiety from dental work . I am in a big city and am going to contact some holistic dentist but all their sites talk about mecury metal filling removal. Some of my fillings were over 25 yrs old and I never had any problem and I have been tested for heavy metals before and no mercury ever showed up So those dentist may only be interested in making a buck off of removing mercury and what are they replaicng it with???Plastic Resin?? I went to the doctor I should have gone to 3 yrs ago instead of the 1 that gave me flouroquinolones ( I had no insurance so I went to a cheap clinic=mistake). She is perplexed and did a breast exam and is sending me for a mammogram which I hope does nothing MORE that verify I do not have breast cancer because at my age this is very unusual so many years after menopause. She ruled out sinus problems/ nerve for face pain but I already know it is connected to the fillings and told her I would see an ENT if it did not resolve later. Why waste my $$ I dont have good insurance and would have to pay for someone to check every part of my face when this all started with the fillings. I am also contacting some groups that deal with toxic chemicals and also a endrocronologist who deals with xenoestrogens. I am writing a generic letter and faxing it to all these folks because I know it is an unusual symptom and I will see who replies….HOPE you don’t mind but at the top of the fax before my letter I was including a comment you made on another site and another comment a women made and then starting the letter by asking ..Have you ever heard of this happening from resin fillings?? Because like these women this is happening to me….. Hope that is OK & your name will not be on it. I do not know what to do but trying to keep my diet clean undereating so my liver can detox and trying to exercise but I hope like you it will just be an assault on my body that does not lead to anything really bad (.at least that is how I take so far what happened to you with the fillings sorry if I am minimalizing what happened to you I havent read all your entries).I will continue to look through your blog for any entries you may have made over time where you related anything about the breast pain or fillings and thak for replying to me and I will not take the SJW …if You had not mentioned that I would not have thought that that also added to the pain but I looked it up and it is EStrogenic in nature. I see you have other sensitivities and I can relate to some of them too.Thanks for reading this I know it is long and all about teeth and pain!!!

  14. Laura Says:

    My earlier entry maybe confusing for others and need to mention the breast pain was there before I started taking SJW , and I haven’t taken it for at least 3 weeks (once the dental nerve pain died down) but the breast pain persists……..it hurts!!

  15. Nicole Says:

    It’s okay, I know it’s a long story (that would be the pot calling the kettle black! you can see how much I constantly write in my blog). You can include my comments in your letter. I know I wrote some comments on a website, in fact, maybe even a couple different websites but I don’t remember where they were. Your situation sounds almost exactly like mine except much worse.

  16. Anonymous Says:

    I looked up “Chobits” and somehow found your blog…and spent like 2 hours learning more about you. Man I feel creepy lol but the way you write and what you write about is fascinating. You’re such an interesting person. Also…I am jealous of how nice your dreads ended up being =) I’ve never heard of electronic harassment though…completely new concept to me and now I’m tired from reading your blog for so long…time for bed haha.

  17. Nicole Says:

    Yeah, I get people coming here now and then because I wrote a few posts about the Chobits when I was reading that book a while ago. People who love long hair love the Chobits. Her hair was, like, beyond floor length, and always floating and swirling around her body. It was beautiful. Thank you for reading my blog, and no, it’s not creepy to me, I put up all this stuff because I wanted somebody somewhere to see it.

  18. Francis Link Says:

    I accidently left a comment on one of your entrees. I meant for the comment to be in general 🙂 . Not sure how you receive the messages left but I just wanted to say I find what you post to be interesting (that which I have read so far). I hope life is going well for you. 🙂

  19. Nicole Says:

    It’s okay that the other comment was in the wrong place, I found it. I’m glad you’ve enjoyed reading. I’m hoping that soon I will have more good things to talk about, and I’ll be writing fewer complaints.

  20. Steph Says:

    Hi Nicole, I came across your McD POS post, the company I work for is working with the company building the next version of the POS software and would love insights from you to see if there’s anything I can help on my end. Could u pls contact me at my email? Thanks!

  21. Anonymous Says:

    The concept of perfection applies to human bodies as well. You shouldn’t damage a child shortly after it’s born. You should not cut the umbilical cord. You should not wash off the greasy substance, the vernix, that protects the baby’s skin and prevents the skin from drying out. You should not circumcise the baby. You should not remove any teeth. You should use a special nourishing diet, and avoid all drugs and chemicals, so that your baby will be born fully formed and without deformities. That is my goal. I have the concept, I know what to do, and I want to do it.

    I will go ahead and publish this.

    The perfection is in the flaws!


  22. Anonymous Says:

    The perfection is in the flaws!


  23. Anonymous Says:

    The perfection is in the flaws!


    Duplicate comment detected; it looks as though you’ve already said that!

  24. ron Says:

    Hi..I stumbled upon this blog looking up glossalalia videos on youtube. I too for as long as I can remember have been making more or less silly nonsense words, mostly for a laugh, sometimes just out of habit I guess.

    So yeah, not to be a perv or anything, I was just wondering if you particularly have ever spewed gibberish during sex or orgasm and such. If so that’s pretty fuckin cool 🙂

    And yes I did see your bathing videos lol..and yes, no offense, they kind of turned me on..sorry shwamfaffle lol..bye 🙂

  25. Nicole Says:

    Well, I never did glossolalia during sex, because I just never felt the need to, for some reason. I didn’t feel comfortable enough with my boyfriends to do that. Also, it was quite a long time ago that I was actually dating someone who gave me orgasms – for a long time now, I have been with various people who either could not do it for health reasons – the diabetic/kidney failure guy who was so sick he could barely have sex at all, much less give oral sex – and other people after him who cannot or will not do it, or people who I just don’t see often enough for us to learn how to have sex with each other (my current boyfriend – we have sex very infrequently, and he is inexperienced, and he is afraid to do anything disgusting, so, no oral sex, although he might be able to do it a few years from now if we are still together and if we practice enough). The bathing videos got taken down pretty quickly by youtube, or they’d still be up, probably.

  26. ron Says:

    Hi again..well I managed to find those videos of you bathing in the creek and yes they aroused me very much indeed. Your butt, boobs, and pubes are remarkable–oh yes I’m a sucker for a hairy pussy for real 🙂

    Anyways I truly digress. Glossalia for me is for the most part a source of humor. For years I’ve been cracking up friends but mostly myself lol. Drives my wife crazy though–oh well. My take on glossalalia I would guess be of a sub Slavic pseudo east European origin after all I am russian American and bilingual ofcourse. Henceforth “words” such as shishkabronitz muntashoonitz gugglafennitz and such are quite natural for me and absolutely fuckin’ hysterical and therapeutic. So yeah that’s it for now. Bye now.

  27. steve Says:

    hello, this is an interesting find, as i am not familiar with blogs, per se, and following, or interacting, etc – oh, i am aware of the general idea, but, for now – interesting. i think a lot of us puruse the ability to finds anyonymous friends, interact, in a somewhat voyeuristic way too – enough rambling – interesting – my first take is ‘time consuming’ too !

  28. Nicole Says:

    Yes, for me, blogging is very time consuming, and so is writing in forums, emailing people, commenting, etc. I tend to get very far behind in my replies for weeks, and then eventually just give up on it, because it all tends to build up too much. You get a hundred conversations going with a hundred different people and can’t finish them all.

  29. Jerome Says:

    Hello Nicole.

    I found your blog by accident while writing a blog post on my blog about the danger of using amphetamines. (Found you via your comment on a post elsewhere about the author Ayn Rand and her drug use.)

    I’m going to be blunt… I’m an ex addict, who used methamphetamine for several years, although I’m clean for two years now. I know another addict when I see one, or in this case, read their ramblings.

    There is no such thing as mind control. You are delusional, and the voices you hear are caused by your meth habit. Hearing voices is a side-effect of crystal meth, but it’s just an hallucination. They stop if you clean up; at least they did for me.

    You need help. As in, you need rehab.

    I’m sorry for being so blunt, and apologise if I’m wrong, but I don’t think I am.

  30. Nicole Says:

    Yeah! I remember that post about Ayn Rand and her drug use, that was a great post and very informative to me. I actually am not using meth, but I attempted to use ephedra sinica, an herb which can be used to *make* meth. I definitely agree that everything, the voices, the delusions, and all that, was much much worse when I was exposed to the ephedra. I’m not using it now. All of my mental phenomena are greatly improved as long as I am not using stimulant drugs or antidepressants. I still hear voices and have some mental stuff going on now but it’s at a manageable level.

  31. Nicole Says:

    Oh and I am glad to hear that you were able to get clean, congratulations, I know that is very hard work.

  32. Jerome Says:

    Thanks. I read your post your cat, and was really moved. I still think you need help. Hearing voices is not normal and maybe you have something that’s treatable.

    And yeah, cleaning up was difficult, especially for an atheist. Most people follow these stupid 12 step programs, which are based on belief in woo, bullshit and more… I had to find another way.

    Best of luck.

  33. Don’t believe everything you read – Amphetamines are not good for you and do not improve work performance | Skeptical Exaddict Says:

    […] comments. This Nicole is quite likely a meth addict and is delusional. Here’s a link to her About page. She believes that she is under mind control, and she hears voices. Additionally, one of her […]

  34. Martin Bott Says:

    The technology to induce voices was already published in the 1920s by german engineer Erich Graichen.
    Of course taking drugs is a bad idea. However, neither drugs nor mental illness are the reason for hearing voices. In every case I am aware of hearing voices was related to other more or less ouvert persecution.

  35. lunasuncheese@gmail.com Says:


    Sent from my iPad


  36. Nicole Says:

    I forget what I wrote on that page because I wrote it so long ago, but yeah, for me personally, if I take particular drugs I am able to hear the voices more clearly, but the voices do come from being attacked. I just can’t hear them very easily if I am totally drug-free.

  37. Ron Says:

    Very cool Nicole.

    But I was wondering if you could post more nude videos of yourself, as well as more glossalalia and gibberish. Very interesting, insightful, and intriguing stuff indeed.

  38. Nicole Says:

    Yeah, a lot of that stuff I did was a result of the herbal drugs I was using at the time. I’ve mellowed out since then. I hardly ever do glossolalia, and almost never feel uninhibited enough to make nude videos. I also got attached to a guy around the end of 2013, and he calls me his ‘best friend,’ but in reality he is a boyfriend, so I don’t feel as much of a need to seduce people over the internet anymore.

  39. Nicole Says:

    Wow, nice to see that there is a serious study going on! Thank you.

  40. Ron Says:

    Thats great.

    You should still lose the mustache though.

  41. Martin Bott Says:

    I think that they increse the intensity of the voices and other effects if someone takes drugs, including alcohol.
    Drugs serve to facilitate “plausible denial”.

  42. Nicole Says:

    It isn’t something that I can just ‘lose.’ I have it for a reason. I don’t believe that there is any good reason to remove hair, so I believe that people are capable of getting used to hair if they see it often. I love natural hair on myself and on other people, and I also wish men would stop cutting their hair. It is true, though, that having a mustache causes me to be lower in social status than I otherwise would be. I could make myself into a conventionally beautiful woman, and thereby command more power in social situations. I have actually combed out my dreadlocks since the time period of the glossolalia video. But I require people who know me to accept that I do not shave any hair from any part of my body.

  43. Nicole Says:

    Yeah, I agree with you, they do. When I’ve taken any kind of antidepressants in the past, I not only become able to hear the voices more easily, but also, the attacks become more severe and relentless, and they try to trigger anger and rage. So I never say that it was merely because of drugs, and nothing else. It’s a combination of the drugs and also the attacks.

  44. Ron Says:

    Lose the mustache woman.

  45. Ron Says:

    Lose the mustache woman…..now.

  46. Martin Bott Says:

    I doubt that the drugs have much influence. My brother once got a prescription for a medicine. It was not a psychiatric pill or a painkiller, just an ordinary medicine.
    He prepared to take a pill, but then was distracted and forgot about it.
    However, after a while he still got the side effects.because the german BND, ex GESTAPO, did not notice that my brother did not take the pill.
    So these side effects were only simulated.

  47. Nicole Says:

    Hhhhhhhhhhhhh. It’s not negotiable. Gotta get used to it.

  48. Nicole Says:

    This is hard to explain, and a very long story, but I believe he might have gotten the side effects merely by touching and handling the bottle, and having the drugs go through his skin. I have had a lot of experiences with drugs going through my skin, and even the outsides of unopened bottles are contaminated with small amounts of the drugs that are inside. You don’t even take a pill, you just touch it, and you get all the side effects. I became aware of this years ago because I was growing herbs where it was already known that they do, in fact, go through the skin (St. John’s Wort, and tobacco, both of which are known to go through the skin). I started testing those, and then I started observing the same sorts of things with many, many other drugs, even if they were in a pill, inside a bottle. Just touching them gives you all the side effects.

  49. Martin Bott Says:

    The effect of a chemical is related to the amount swallowed.
    These very tiny amounts outside a pill, or the container, can not have any effect.
    So its quite obvious that such experiences of side effects must have a different mechanism. If one excludes secret poisoning with the chemical the only mechanism I can imagine is the use of directed energy to induce the side effects.

  50. Grateful Says:

    I am a 30 year old male. I came across your blog (this one) while I was googling ayn rand’s drug habits and saw your comment on a site.

    I am diagnosed with OCD and psychosis, and the first thing my pyschologist told me was that the quest for perfection in life should be abandoned, and that it is impossible to satisfy everyone all the time, – two things I have been guilty for. I now believe that he was right in how this quest eats away our welk being.

    So I was delighted to read some of your words which went something like – Don’t make greatness or perfection the source of your self-esteem. Learn to accept your handicaps and failures. Making this change in oneself is a big step towards relaxation.

    I sampled some of your blogs here and concur with you that we take in a lot of toxic substances that cloud our mind from reality. Many of these toxic substances are those which we don’t typically consider as such. In my case it is laziness and daydreaming, overeating especially junk food, porn, masturbation, and jealousy of the opposite sex (being a virgin creates a vicious circle with all this), angry and violent thoughts which I secretly encourage. I pretend to be a good guy, but am filled with hate.

    Sorry, for going on a sidetrack about my issues too much.

    What I really want to say is that I am glad I found your blog, found your honest raw thoughts, and saw your courage and determination.

    Please continue on the path / search of peace.

    In a way I now believe that one of the joys of humanity is the ability to understand other humans, so I am joyous that I could glimse your life. It is meaningful to me.

    Thank you deeply.

  51. Nicole Says:

    Yes, I know exactly which blog you’re talking about, with regard to Ayn Rand’s drug use. There have been one or two people who came here through that link. You’re welcome and thank you for commenting. I usually assume that only my brother and a couple friends are reading my blog (it’s too much to read – I write only because I enjoy writing).

    I have learned a lot about how substances affect my own moods, through hard experience. I’m glad I could make you feel like there is somebody else out there who understands what you are experiencing. I’m sorry that somebody gave you such a diagnosis though. This is the kind of thing that makes me hate doctors (you might not have a problem with your doctor or psychologist, but I hate to see them giving you that label just because they don’t understand you). I was also diagnosed as ‘psychotic’ when I had a problem that was triggered by taking Prozac, as though it’s my fault that I had a drug reaction. But anyway I’m glad you found this mess to be readable… 🙂

  52. Martin Bott Says:

    Exactly. These diagnoses are a nuisance.
    The shrinks are cashing in on telling lies, and prescribing poisons that destroy the nerves of their victims.

  53. Anonymous Says:

    Purple Reign
    I have been attacked with sub mental messaging since September 6, 2008. It took place in Chicago Illinois. I have witnessed every thing that I have read on the blog site. The procrastinating, lack of urinating and defecating on my own time. I have missed a lot of sleep too. they attempt to keep you tired subconsciously so what you can remain confused about everything from what day its, to where parked your car. They want to control your central nervous system so that you can become numb to yourself, they map out and code by a computer Jennifer , to copy your every motivation. It is to have control over human beings so that the One race theory can rule: it will NOT happen! Nobody can master the entire human race, It never can be done and it never will be. I only suffer for GOD/JESUS CHRIST!!!!!! THESE organizations will only mark their own destiny with destruction and calamity. This is also a predestined vision that I was already separated and destined to be spared from. They claim they want knowledge but they only want MANIPULATION AND MIND CONTROL TO BE THE SUPERIOR FAILURES THAT THEY ALREADY HAvE COME TO BE!!!! TRUST AND LOVE GOD WITH ALL YOUR HEART!!!! BE PSYCHOTIC WITH HIS SUPERNATURAL POWER!!!

  54. SN Says:

    Hi Nicole,
    I’m a TI in State College. I can be vetted and I’m part of a larger group. We should chat.


  55. SN Says:

    Hi Nicole,
    I’m a TI in State College (PSU). I can be vetted and I’m part of a larger group. We should chat.


  56. Nicole Says:

    I think I myself am pretty lucky in terms of how bad the attacks are to me – it’s not as bad for me as it is for a lot of other people I have read about on the internet. Maybe it’s because I don’t live in an urban area. I think it might be worse around the cities. I am always holding on to hope that I will someday be able to block out the attacks with a shield so that I can use my own mind freely again. I’ve gotten so used to it that I don’t remember what it felt like to live without the attacks. I get some kind of nonstop zapping, every few seconds, and its worst effect is probably on my social relationships. I am extremely withdrawn and antisocial because of the total exhaustion of my brain due to the nonstop unwanted unavoidable interactions. It’s like having an annoying person following you around all day shouting in your ear. No wonder I would want to withdraw. Anyway all I can say is, hang on, never give up.

  57. Martin Bott Says:

    So you are under constant and obvious attack?
    You should really get over a border, to see whether its better abroad.
    Obvious attacks will make it easy to see when you got out of range.

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