Archive for January, 2013

Staticky rainclouds, a computer cleanup, a residue reaction

January 31, 2013

5:42 PM 1/31/2013

At the moment, I’m trying to clean up the computer. This is an indoor project. I don’t like being outside – the wind is blowing and it’s very cold.

I had a bad night last night. There was a ‘silent thunderstorm.’ It was warm, and a cold front was moving in, and it would have been causing a thunderstorm, except it’s too cold for it and there’s not enough power.

However, there was a huge amount of static electricity that was just sitting there. Lightning normally relieves it and moves it from place to place, but without lightning, it just sat there building up and going nowhere. I was lying in my tent trying to sleep, and I could feel this huge, terrifying, oppressive sensation of static electricity pressing down on me over and over again.

When it would happen, I could feel tiny, painful sparks of electricity moving through the tree branch or tree root or whatever it was that was under the mat that I was lying on – I think it might be a root, but I’m not sure. The electricity was running through this root when the static was on, and I could feel it like I was touching wires without their protective rubber covering. I could feel this right through the blue insulation mat, because I was pressing down on this root pretty hard in the position that I was lying in. I never knew that roots conducted electricity before, but apparently they do. It was induced by the giant field of static over us. I wondered if the tree felt pain when this was happening.

I had actually seen cumulus clouds developing into thunderheads the day before, but they were not very big. I assumed that was what was going over me in the dark, but I couldn’t see it. The cloud heads would float by, and as they moved by, the fields of static would change or lessen, then appear again a few minutes later. (I could not sleep at all, because this was happening so frequently.) It also probably changes with the density of the downpour of rain. It would often happen even when it wasn’t raining. This was just from clouds going overhead. I am much closer to the clouds because I am camping on Mt. Nittany, which is why I can feel them.

I would close my eyes, and, although I normally hear voices and experience other mental phenomena, this was different, and much more severe and disturbing, and I know it wasn’t caused by an attack. I would close my eyes, and yet, I swore I saw a flash of lightning once through my eyelids, but never heard the thunder, and wasn’t sure if I really saw it or not, because the static electricity was causing me to have weird sensations and weird mental experiences beyond my usual weird mental experiences, and so I thought I might have seen a fake image triggered by the electricity. I do still have the mind control attacks while this is going on, and their effects are strangely distorted and intensified.

I’ve been having a really terrible reaction to some unknown chemical or drug residue since I took a bath and did the laundry the other day, and I think I know which item of clothing might possibly have caused the other items to get contaminated, so I won’t wash those things together again. So, my mental experiences are stranger than usual anyway, and I’m manic again because of this chemical.

My mind has been disorganized and forgetful. I went to the UU game night last night, and I was so forgetful that I accidentally became slightly irritable with the guy who was trying to help me play the game, since I don’t really know how – I couldn’t help being irritable, and I just sort of had to ignore his advice, because he was trying to help me consider several possible scenarios of what could happen if I would do a certain thing, and my brain was unable to process it – I was having terrible memory problems, and could not remember anything long enough to process a complex scenario.

There was an incident where I was trying to pay the bank for something (in the game, with play money), and I suddenly ‘glitched’ (if you’ve seen the movie ‘Wreck-It Ralph,’ it’s like the little racecar girl who appears and disappears, and she calls it glitching) – I just blanked out, forgot what I was doing, forgot how much money I was putting into the pile and forgot what I was taking out in change, forgot all of my mental math calculations, and suddenly reawakened to find myself with my hand on the $1 bills without knowing why I was picking up a $1 bill. I was disoriented and very distressed about this, and had to piece together what I had probably been doing, and I might have either screwed myself over by not taking enough change back, or accidentally cheated by taking too much – but they all forgave me, seeing my genuine distress and confusion, knowing I was not trying to cheat on purpose (or at least I hope so – I hope nobody thought that I was just a really good actress).

My glitching incidents happen constantly because of the mind control attacks, but if I am affected by drug residues, my short-term memory doesn’t work well enough to handle it, and so, when I fall asleep and wake back up, I can’t remember what I was in the middle of doing before I fell asleep. Normally, my memory is long enough that I can remember what was going on a few seconds ago before I fell asleep. I am not visibly falling asleep – my eyes are open – I just go into some other mind-state.

Anyway, as I was saying, last night the static clouds were terrible, and I couldn’t sleep. I had one incident where the static built up *so much* that I swore I would get struck by lightning, but didn’t (and there just wasn’t any thunder or lightning at all during the whole rainstorm), and I felt like I was about to have a heart attack, and I felt a sensation of panic. Over and over again, I could feel the tiny hairs standing up all over my body. But there was no lightning striking anywhere. If there had been real lightning, I would have gone down the mountain – I sometimes would go down in real thunderstorms during the summer, and go to a house or someplace else where I would be hidden under a roof. Last night I really wanted to go down, but I was so exhausted that I could not bring myself to get up and move, and didn’t want to get all wet in the rain, so I stayed. I continued to have weird physical and mental experiences for hours and hours while the ominous clouds floated by and the wind gusts blew and the scattered rains fell. I heard strange sounds inside my head, and felt zaps that I knew were not manmade.

Finally, finally, finally, after endless hours of terror, the temperature went down as the cold front moved in, and, for whatever reason, this ended the static clouds phenomenon, and it began to snow, and I fell asleep in the early morning. I took a meteorology class in college, but I can’t remember exactly why the cold air would have made the static go away.

So now, today, I’m finally awake, and I’m doing activities that I normally don’t do unless I am manic, such as cleaning up the computer. My computer has been *extremely* slow, and it seems to have spyware too, although I did a scan and it said there was nothing. When I go to particular web pages in the opera browser, it’s underlining random words in the text, and making them into URLs that go to product searches on ebay, and things like that, and I mentioned this in the survivalist forum, and they said it was adware, and I agreed it must be.

I looked at the computer’s memory use (in the ctrl-alt-delete box, the task manager), and opera was using about 280 megabytes of memory, which is very abnormal. So I changed a couple of settings, which improved it but did not fix it, and I’m going to change a few more things and uninstall things and clean things up in general.

I could have fixed this more thoroughly except that I don’t have a CD drive attached to this computer – it doesn’t have one of its own, so you have to attach a separate one. That’s to make it smaller and lighter. It’s a netbook, made to be portable. So I can’t just format the hard drive and reinstall Windows from the CD the way I used to do in the past anytime I had severe computer problems. (That used to be kind of fun, actually!) I know how to do that with Windows 98, but would have to learn how to do it with Windows 7. And I know I could install Ubuntu also, or some other type of Linux. I used to reinstall Windows 98, and it would feel all clean and perfect afterwards, and it would run very fast, and all the problems would be fixed. But then hacker harassment phenomena would instantly start happening again, and I’m not knowledgeable enough to fix or prevent those things from happening without just reinstalling everything. I’d go just a day or two with the computer running properly, and then, after just one or two visits to the internet, stuff would start going wrong.

A few months ago when I was doing various Windows updates, I installed programs which I know are likely the source of the spyware. I also did some things which might have been mistakes – I think I got something meant for a 64 bit processor when I actually have a 32 bit processor. So that could have messed up the computer too, and I don’t remember exactly what it is, and I don’t think I am able to easily remove it – it had something to do with the updates.

That’s one thing that sucks about doing a clean install: you have to get the updates again, and that would take days and days to do.

Well, I guess I will just post this now and go back to what I was doing. I can’t wait till it gets warmer outside so I can more easily do my tent cleanup. But the thunderstorms will come again, and the yellowjackets. Still, I expect this to be a very good year. The decon will be done for real and forever. I won’t have these particular drug residues anymore. I will still be chemical sensitive and vulnerable to reacting to other things, but it won’t be the same as the constant, neverending contamination that I have had all this time. I am going on a trip to Alaska for real, too, unless something happens between now and then, and I hope to also go on other trips. I want to learn primitive survival skills too. And now I am going to an atheist-loving church, the Unitarian Universalists, so I also have a place where I can go socialize with real people instead of being a hermit. This will be a good year.

(Wow. I told Opera to just not remember anything at all, and, strangely, it speeded up my browsing! I told it not to use any kind of memory cache at all.)

I’m getting library books.

January 30, 2013

4:18 PM 1/30/2013

Yesterday was warm enough that I went to the YMCA and took a shower. I don’t like to shower when it’s bitter cold – my dreadlocks stay wet all day long, so I freeze – but it was very warm yesterday. Then I did the laundry.

Both of these things together were enough to cause a reaction of some kind. I used shampoo as soap and as a hair wash, so I had shampoo all over my body, and reacted to the sulfate. I usually go into withdrawal if I wash off drug residues, and I also tend to spread around the drug residues when I do the laundry, so I react to those, and I could also have a reaction to the laundry soap.

I don’t know which combination of factors caused it, but a few hours later, in the evening, I was having symptoms of low blood sugar – I kept yawning, and yawning, and yawning, uncontrollable yawning several times a minute, which was making tears leak from my eyes, and I was whimpering, and trembling, and almost convulsing, but in a controlled way that I was able to stop doing anytime a car went by me while I was pushing my bike up the hill. After the car would drive by, I would return to my original position, hanging on the bike handlebars while walking, my head drooping down, almost crying, taking very small steps slowly up the long hill, as I could barely walk. I was in a terrible state, full of anxiety, and when ‘they’ bombarded me with negative thoughts, I couldn’t handle it, and got even more upset and weak and stumbling. At one point I just set the bike down and I laid down on the road for a few minutes to rest, because I just could not walk up the hill.

I finally got home and went to sleep. I was dreading this morning, because the weather said there would be a thunderstorm. However, it turned out to be a very mild and gentle rainstorm, and I only felt a little bit of static electricity, and I didn’t hear any thunder. I slept in, and finally forced myself to get up by taking Vivarin – but I took an entire one and a half pills of it, and still felt no useful effect, but had all the undesirable effects – digestive irritation and nausea, and a diuretic effect with frequent urination. I was able to wake up just enough to get out and go down the hill.

But just as I was ready to leave, I couldn’t find my wallet. I had already been furious because I lost my bus pass last Wednesday just before I went to the Unitarian Universalist game night. Someone turned it in to the lost and found at CATA, so I got it back without having to buy a new one. But this time, I lost my wallet. I just sat there in the tent, numbly staring, and thinking about what I would have to do about the fact that my wallet was lost. I couldn’t even remember where I had been last night. I finally figured out that I had been to McDonald’s last before I went home for the night, and I had used my wallet at McD, so it must be there. But then I looked around in the tent, and found that it had fallen out of my backpack and was on the floor of the tent. I was very relieved.

So I got down the hill and made it to the bus and used my bus pass, which I now have again. I wanted to get up to go to the game night again tonight. I had also wanted to go to a folk dance event on Monday, but felt too sick and tired that day to do it, and I regret missing that.

I had some more sushi today. I am not noticing any kind of magical health benefits from eating the sushi – not yet, anyway. Alas, whatever is wrong with me, it will take more than just a few small bites of raw fish fillet to fix. Still, I’m eating it anyway.

And now I’m at the library, and in a slightly more suggestible mood than usual, and I was ready to start an Unsustainable Manic Project, but fortunately, this one does not have a dollar price, it just has a ‘weight price’ – I’m going to have to carry several library books home in my backpack. Then I will have to take them out and put them in bags to protect them there, because my tent is wet inside. But the drug residue contamination is minimal enough that I am not worried about ruining the library books, so I decided it’s okay to get them. I got a book that someone mentioned in a forum, so I can go back and talk about that book, and I also got several books about Native Americans, and how they hunted and foraged for food, and edible plants in Pennsyvlania.

I’ve been thinking about people, about their lives, about how they have momentum. It took me years to get to where I am now, and it is the result of a long series of events, which I would never want to force someone else to experience. Getting rid of my belongings was the hardest part – I did it because of the drug residue contamination, but before that, I thought that it would be a good idea to get rid of some belongings, just not anywhere near as many as I did. I never had originally intended to get rid of almost everything, but yet, now that I have, I feel that it’s a very good thing to do.

But I can’t advise anyone about how to change their life if they have a family. Each family member will have a different level of willingness to go along with it. Each person will be at a different moment in their life path, and some of them will never go the same direction that you are going.

I’m thinking about education, about how to teach people things, about how to choose which particular things to teach, while leaving out other things that could be just as worthy of teaching. You can’t teach everyone everything all of the time. You have to choose only a few small things to teach, and then, you have to accept that your students won’t be able to learn all of them perfectly, or might not be able to appreciate or use the knowledge right away.

Some of this is mania, so this mood will change when I finish the decontamination and quit caffeine. But the questions that I’m asking are legitimate. Why do I want to teach people primitive skills? How could I motivate them to follow the rules of my nontheistic intentional religion, without actually paying them to do so? Who would be most interested in learning this?

I was thinking this morning that I want to teach people primitive self-reliance skills as a way to reduce poverty everywhere, in all countries, and to improve health and quality of life. In every country around the world, there are people who could greatly benefit from having more self-reliance skills, people who are starving, people who live in poor countries, people who live under oppressive governments, and people in ‘first world’ countries who don’t want to live the modern way anymore for any reason at all.

I really liked the concept of teaching self-reliance as a way to reduce poverty and to improve health and quality of life. This was a new way of looking at it. I’ve read books about economics, and I know economic systems and systems of government that are able to either reduce or increase those things, but I never thought about actually teaching self-reliance as a way to do those things instead. I did, sort of. I knew there were self-help books that could be used to encourage individual people to free themselves. I just didn’t think of it in a general teaching perspective way before. I’m thinking of it now like a school curriculum. What do we want to teach to large numbers of people? What would our homeschool curriculum teach to the children?

Anyway, I probably won’t be able to read all these books, but that’s what happens in an Unsustainable Manic Project. That’s okay, they’re ‘free,’ quote unquote (I pay taxes for them). I guess libraries get donations from people, too, so it’s not all taxes. But I haven’t read any new books in a long, long time, because of the drug residues ruining everything that I bring home, so this will be interesting. The information in books is usually more specific, more well organized, more in depth, and easier to read – I can read words on paper more easily than words on a screen, and I strongly suspect that I wouldn’t like reading an e-ink screen either, and I certainly don’t like reading anything while sitting underneath the overhead compact fluorescent bulbs in public places. I’ll be able to read it in natural light, in a quiet place.

Don’t talk bad about the weather or the sun, the moon, or the stars.

January 30, 2013

I was doing some research, trying to find native Alaskan language lists of edible plants. I did find some books, but can’t translate them easily. During this research I found a page which seems to be for teachers teaching children the Aleut way of life.

I read their list of ethical advice, and something caught my attention: “Don’t talk bad about the weather or the sun, the moon, or the stars.” This was interesting to me because it matched something that I had been thinking just this morning, before I got up and went down the mountain. It was warmer outside, but raining, and the sky was cloudy. I dread the rain because of my drug residue reactions, but I was thinking to myself that after the decontamination was over, I would not have to worry about this anymore.

And I was thinking that even though the weather was unpleasant, I could adapt to anything, if only I didn’t have all these restrictions on me because of the contamination. I don’t like to buy anything when I know I will have to get rid of it, so I don’t buy raingear and things like that, so for me, the rain is a big nuisance, and everything in my tent gets wet, and my coat and clothes get wet.

I was thinking that after I finished the decontamination, I would be able to do whatever was necessary to adapt to any weather conditions at all, no matter how difficult, unpleasant, or severe they were, because I would be able to get the right clothing and build the right kind of shelter. And I thought that I must accept the weather conditions, no matter what they are, whether I like them or not, so that I can take action to adapt to them and protect myself as necessary, instead of complaining about them, and I must continue working outdoors no matter what the weather.

This would be even more true in the Arctic. In the Arctic, the weather is *always* bad. If you complained about the weather and refused to do anything because the weather was bad, then you would just sit inside forever and never take a step outside. You *have* to adapt to the weather whether you like it or not. If you just complained about it, then you would do nothing but complain all day long every day.

I want to learn this kind of acceptance of reality. The weather is what it is, and there is nothing you can do about it. Like the dwarves riding along with Gandalf in The Hobbit movie (which I just saw a couple of times), when it started raining and one of the dwarves said to Gandalf, ‘You’re a wizard, can’t you do something about this rain?’ and Gandalf says, ‘It will rain until the raining stops,’ or something to that effect (I can’t recall the exact quote).

The weather matters a lot more to me now that I am living in a tent and riding my bike. I am exposed to the weather much more than I ever was in my entire life. I still sit indoors when I go to the town and use the wifi, but I sleep outdoors and ride my bike around. I am affected by the weather, and I often don’t like it. But after the decontamination, this won’t matter anymore – I will be able to take every action necessary to protect myself against the weather, and that is the appropriate thing to do. Complaining about the weather, and refusing to do necessary chores because of the bad weather, are something I want to stop doing.

I can’t do much self-improvement of this sort because of the electronic harassment, which destroys my willpower, and because of my chronic fatigue and caffeine addiction. After the decontamination, I will quit caffeine again, and will be more well rested. But I will still be the victim of constant attacks on my brain which prevent me from motivating myself to take actions as needed. So I cannot blame myself for failing to do some kind of self-improvement such as learning how to work outdoors no matter what the weather – I learned in the past that the murderers totally sabotage all attempts at self-improvement.

But even so, this idea caught my attention, made sense to me, and coincided with something I had been thinking this very morning.

I have been reading about people who tried eating the diets that the Arctic people were eating, when they visited them and traveled with them, and they said that during that time, they felt the happiest and healthiest they had ever felt in their lives. I am hoping the same thing will happen to me when I visit Alaska. I am also hoping that the geographic isolation will reduce the electronic harassment, so that I can have more mental freedom there. I want to improve my health and my happiness, and if I go to the Arctic, I will be able to eat a healthy diet and also live in geographic isolation, and if I notice any improvement in how I feel, then I could go live there for a longer period of time.

I don’t know if the geographic isolation will stop the murderers from attacking or not, because I do not know the methods they are using to follow me and attack me, but I’ll find out when I go there. I do notice that the attacks change somewhat when I travel to other places, such as when I go to West Virginia to visit my parents, but the attacks do not stop completely. Other victims have said that the murderers continue to attack them even when they travel to isolated places, so I might not be able to get away from them.

But if all that I can do is improve my physical health, that will be better than nothing.

This year, 2013, will be different. I will live again.

January 28, 2013

5:06 PM 1/28/2013

I haven’t been blogging a lot. I successfully reduced the mania by wearing the new boots. The drug residues are still on the soil all around my camp, and I get them on my shoes, and when the shoes get wet, I get the drug residues on my feet. I was trying desperately to finish my decon and move over to the clean soil camp before winter, but I couldn’t get it done soon enough, and I’m not going to try to do anything at all when it’s bitter cold and snowing outside. Anyway, the new boots don’t get wet inside when they walk through the snow and the wet soil, and so I am not having a reaction to the residues. The mania was greatly reduced instantly. My boots have gotten just a little bit wet inside, and I might be having a very mild reaction, but it’s barely noticeable.

I will finish the decon as soon as it thaws and stays thawed for several days, which will eventually happen, a few weeks or a month from now. I am frustrated by this time of hibernation. I can’t wait until it gets warm so that I can continue cleaning up.

Yesterday I was about to go down the hill on my bike when I encountered a lady coming down from the trail. She had a small dog that kept chasing after me while she yelled at it to come back to her. So I ended up talking to her for a minute because of her dog. She seemed angry. She said she had seen my bike several times and wondered whose it was. Then she asked me if I knew the people who lived in the house where I was parking my bike. I said yes and I mentioned their names (I was lucky that I could remember them. My memory for names is terrible.). I said that they had told me I could park my bike in their yard. I probably should have hidden the bike a little more deeply in the yard, but I just didn’t bother. I told her that I wasn’t actually living in the house or in their yard, but that I was camping up above in the woods.

I should mention that my footprints in the snow went up that house’s driveway, as though I were going to their house. I wasn’t using the main trail anymore, I was going up the hill through their yard.

I had bad vibes from this lady. She seemed angry. I had this feeling that she was defending the owners of the house, and that she believed I was doing something to the house, breaking in to it or living on their property or something without their knowledge, when in fact, they knew all about what I was doing.

Last night when I came home, I saw new footprints following my own footprints up the hill in the snow. I recognized shoes that were not my own. I followed the track and it went all the way up to almost my tent, then stopped and turned around. The shoes seemed big, so I wondered if the woman had sent her husband to go find the tent instead of going herself.

However, they didn’t go all the way to the tent, and they didn’t do anything to the tent. Whoever they were, they just verified that I did indeed have a tent up there in the woods like I said I did, which might possibly have convinced them that I wasn’t doing anything to the neighbor’s house.

My tents have collapsed, all three of them. I had two tents that were not being used yet. One of them had stuff in storage, and the other was going to be the tent that I lived in after the decon. I never finished the decon, so I was still living in my third tent. The first time it snowed, the snow built up on the tents just a little bit, and it broke all three of them. I figured out how that happened. The tents are held up by these curving rods made out of an unknown material – it seems like plastic, but it might be carbonized or something, I don’t know. It’s something kind of light. The two rods cross over each other in the middle at the top of the tent. When the snow pushed down on them, it snapped the one that was on top of the other one, by pushing it down against the other rod and bending it. They are all still standing, just kind of sagging, and much smaller inside. But I am not going to do anything about it. I am just going to wait till it gets warm outside and finish my decon.

Next winter won’t be like this. I don’t want to have to hibernate. I don’t want to have to postpone all my projects or avoid working outside when it’s cold. I want to be able to continue working all winter long. I’ve had to just sit here and do nothing productive, just drag myself to work every day at McDonald’s, but postpone all my personal projects. It’s extremely frustrating. My whole life has been postponed by one disaster after another.

I recently started going to the Universalist Unitarian church, and I don’t remember if I mentioned that in my blog yet or not. At the Freethought meetup group, there were several people who were already members of the UU church who talked about it. Several years ago, I took a ‘what religion are you?’ quiz online, and, aside from ‘atheist,’ I also got ‘Universalist Unitarian,’ which made me curious about them, so I looked them up and found out where the church was located in my town. I had never heard of them before, and it’s a long word that’s hard to say, and I wouldn’t have even known what the word meant if I had heard it – it would have seemed meaningless.

Belief-O-Matic religion quiz:

But I have gone to a get-together, Game Night, where we played board games, and I have been talking in email to a guy from the church who is going to welcome me and guide me as I join the church, and he will introduce me to them. The UU church happily welcomes atheists. They welcome all different faiths, and they also value reason and logic and people who question religion as such. They are looking for universal ethical principles that are true with or without religion. General ethical principles still exist outside of religion, and their website says things like, ‘Treat everyone with dignity and respect,’ etc.

I haven’t gone to the actual church sermons yet, but I will soon, next week. I have to get my work schedule to let me be off on Sunday mornings. If I enjoy this church, then I will make more time for them, and I will try to attend more and more gatherings and activities there. I want to go somewhere to socialize and meet people. I don’t want to meet people at bars because I don’t drink, and I hate football, so I can’t hang out with people to watch football games, and so going to a church is a great way to meet groups of people and socialize.

I’ve been drinking boba tea, too, from the Teatime place. I’m going to quit caffeine soon, when I do my decon, and when I do my food transition so that I’m cooking all my own food instead of eating fast food, I’ll have to quit drinking the fancy boba tea too, but I’ll enjoy it for now. The tea has very little effect on me. I *have* noticed psychological effects from drinking tea in the past, but they are most noticeable if I am not drinking any other forms of caffeine, and also, I think that tea loses its potency quickly in storage, and the tea leaves must be extremely fresh to have an effect. The effect is euphoria, happiness, a feeling of joy at being alive. It’s different from the feelings that I get from coffee or chocolate. Regretfully, I will give up tea when I quit all my other stimulant drugs, but that is the price that I pay and the sacrifice I make. I have reasons why I want to be completely drug-free.

I am seriously going to Alaska this summer. The guy in the forum who talked about subsistence hunting says that it’s okay. I don’t know exactly how I will get there, whether I will fly, or whether my brother and I really will drive up there – my brother offered to take me on a road trip adventure, and I’d be happy to do that except I’m not sure exactly what to do when we get there – I’d have to abandon him and go the rest of the way by myself, and then either meet up with him again in a couple weeks, or go home on a plane. I don’t know exactly how long this guy will let me stay with him. I’d love to stay for a couple of months and learn as many skills as I could. I told him that I would help out with all the daily chores so that I could experience it and learn.

I want to go to the Arctic for the food. Every day, I am dissatisfied with my food. This is largely the result of eating fast food and not cooking or storing my own. Storing my food in an icebox is hard to do – I had some problems with it. I have to work out the difficulties and try again. But even if I am buying my own food and cooking it (and eating some raw if possible), I am still limited to buying only the grocery store food. Grocery stores do not sell whale fat, seal oil, or miscellaneous organs and offal, nor do they sell skins which I would like to make into clothing, or bones that I would boil into bone broth or make into spear points and arrowheads. I want to learn how to use all of the animal and waste as little as possible, the way that primitive people used to do.

So I want to go to the Arctic for the food. Wild animals are so plentiful there that it’s still possible to live a life of subsistence hunting. There is no agriculture up there, so there are no fences blocking the migrations of the herds, like there are down here, and there are very few highways on the permafrost. Hardly anyone lives up there. The best food on earth is still available up there. After reading Weston Price for the past few years, I am totally committed to eating this special diet to prepare for my pregnancy. And I want my children to eat the diet too. I want them to grow up happy and healthy so they will never suffer the way I did.

It’s possible to eat a somewhat-okay diet down here, but it requires a lot of work. You have to do things like join food buying clubs and other groups that buy foods from organic farms instead of the grocery store. And even then it’s not easy to get exactly what you want. I was reading something, probably on the Weston Price website, where somebody ordered some beef from a farm, and when it was delivered, they had cut all the fat off of it, and the person had to specifically request, and insist, and argue with them, that they *wanted* to buy the fat along with the meat, and the farmers were shocked at this unthinkable request – who on earth wants to eat the fat deliberately? It’s still hard to obtain fats and organs and other offal even if you are in a food buying club.

I’ve wanted to try eating insects, but this also requires learning, preparation, and work. You have to eat the right insects. You have to avoid insects that are poisonous. You have to find insects that have the particular nutrients that you are seeking. So far, I’ve decided that termites would be a good choice, because they contain fat. If you don’t want to run around catching insects individually, then you have to set up some kind of insect farming operation.

And then, if you do continue to live down here, you still have to use money, and work at a job that earns money, and you have to buy from farmers who are paying taxes and paying the price of the land. You still have to use a money economy down here. In the Arctic, it’s still possible to live in a subsistence and barter economy. The guy who lives there, the guy who is going to let me visit him, told me that yes, it’s true, you can live without money by using subsistence and barter, and he said that there are people there who really do it. This isn’t just me idealizing the Arctic because I’ve never seen it before, it’s actually real.

Deer hunting season is mostly over. I heard lots of guns shooting for a couple of weeks. I am amazed that there are any deer left. There hardly seem to be any deer at all, and now they’ve been hunted. And yet, in a recent conversation, I heard someone complaining that there are too many deer in this area, and that they are a nuisance and a danger, since they cross the roads and get hit by cars, and that kind of thing, which is true. Deer herds can never exist in a place where there are lots of highways. So we have only the tiniest herds here, and you can barely find them. But in the North (with a capital N) there are herds of thousands.

My pathetic substitute for real food today was sushi. I bought some sushi at the store. (I also bought a small round of Brie cheese, which I love. That’s the kind that has a rubbery white outer shell.) I haven’t bought the sushi in a long time because I was getting food poisoning every time I ate eel. Only some of the sushi combinations have eel in them, but I was afraid that I would get some eel blood contamination on the other items, so I avoided it. I was eating the sushi back when I worked at Weis, and it would make me so sick and exhausted that I would have to sit down at the desk in the office instead of working, and I would sit there wearing a coat, with cold chills, exhausted, feeling like I was going to die, for hours after eating eel. I finally figured out that it was the eel causing it, and I googled it and found out that eel blood is toxic. So I stopped eating all sushi.

But I ate it again today, from one of the combinations that didn’t have eel. So I ate just a couple small pieces of raw fish. It was nothing. It’s nowhere near as much as I would like to eat, and it was only the fillet, only the muscle meat, and none of the organs. The organs and the ‘garbage’ contain all the nutrients. I am going to take my chances with the organs having a toxic buildup of mercury and other pollution in them – I am going to try it a couple times and see what happens. I am not going to do this carelessly, I am going to research it first. Not all fish is badly contaminated with pollution. Some is relatively less toxic.

I almost always get temporary digestive parasites when I eat any kind of raw or undercooked meat, and I can feel them, and they make me sick, but they don’t kill me. I will probably get them again this time. One of the fish was slightly poisonous. I don’t know exactly what it was. It was a pale, tan colored piece of fish. I recognized the pink ones as salmon or tuna, but this was something else. It had an ‘earthy’ flavor similar to the earthy flavor of the eel – it literally tastes like you’re eating dirt or soil. When I taste that, I know it’s poisonous.

After I ate it, I felt very sleepy and weak for a while, and I had trouble with hand coordination – I kept dropping things when I was trying to buy my boba tea. But after a few minutes, my liver detoxified it, and I breathed a sigh of relief – the sigh of relief happens whenever I remove a poison that is affecting me, and I observed these sighs of relief back in the days when all my belongings were badly contaminated with drug residues, and I would clean myself off and breathe a deep sigh as soon as the drug reaction ended. So I suspect that all poisons will trigger a sigh of relief whenever you’ve detoxified it. After my liver cleaned out the poison, the sleepiness went away and I felt okay again. Whatever it was, it was only a mild poison.

I got a bus pass for the first time, last week. I was trying not to use the bus that often. However, I want to run errands that require using the bus, and I want to run lots of errands and use the bus as often as possible without worrying about how much I use it. I want to use it several times a day. So I decided it was worthwhile to buy the pass. I had thought that it was going to be $30, but I was wrong – $30 was only for a half-month pass, and I mistakenly thought it was for an entire month. The whole month was $59.

Well, what did I do? I used the pass just a couple of times, just about three times maybe, and then, I put it in my pants pocket. A couple hours later I went to the laundromat and did my laundry. After I put on my clean clothes, I started looking for my bus pass, because I was going to ride the bus to Game Night at the church last Wednesday – and I couldn’t find the bus pass anywhere. I was *furious*. I was wearing loose sweatpants with a diagonal slash pocket. It must have fallen out when I sat down on the bus.

And then I couldn’t get back to the CATA office for quite a few days, because I was working, and because it’s hard for me to get up early in the morning and get down the mountain in the daytime to go someplace before it closes. The CATA office closes at 5:00 PM, but I was sleeping all day long and then waking up all night, so I couldn’t even get down there by 5:00 PM.

So today, I finally got there and told them I had lost my bus pass, and they said someone turned it in to Lost and Found. Thank goodness. I will be able to get it tomorrow. It was at the other CATA office, but tomorrow it will be brought to the one in the middle of town where I can get it more easily.

It’s hard for me to explain to people why I so strongly insist that I want to learn how to live a primitive subsistence lifestyle and use Stone Age technology. I’ve had this discussion with a couple people recently, and most people just don’t understand why on earth I would want to make my life so much more difficult. But I have seen so many things that modern society does to people, and I want to change that.

My friend on facebook, the girl who was my best friend in college, recently mentioned that her second child, her daughter, *also* has developmental disorders, just like her first son who is autistic. I didn’t say anything to her about it, but I was extremely angry. I know why they both have disorders. It’s because she has been using blood pressure drugs, and she continued to use blood pressure drugs while pregnant with both of them. Blood pressure drugs cause developmental disorders and autism and other problems in children.

I know this, but there is nothing I could ever do to convince her. She would have to quit the drugs and try having some more children in order to be convinced, but she wouldn’t want to let her blood pressure rise back up, and so I would have to tell her, ‘In order to lower your blood pressure naturally, you must switch to an All Meat Diet.’ The All Meat Diet lowers blood pressure without drugs, but she would not be willing to change anything in her diet – if she made any dietary changes at all, it would be to follow the doctor’s orders, and she is incapable of questioning mainstream medical practices. I just happened to go look at again today – – and he says, “Hopefully, others will be motivated to do the same by my example, though I recognize inertia as the most powerful force in human affairs.” I agree, I have had that feeling myself lately, that inertia is the main thing that motivates everybody, the reason why everyone continues doing what they do.

So I have seen the horrible things that the modern life does to people – it malnourishes them and poisons them, and then, when they get sick, it drugs them, which causes more symptoms and destroys their children. The quality of life gets worse and worse. The deformities prevent people from functioning at their best or achieving their potential. The dental fillings poison them and make them sick for the rest of their lives, and they never know why they are unhappy. The air pollution in the cities does so many things to you, I don’t even know where to start. And the ugliness of all the people who cut their hair off and wear makeup and everything else they do, I can’t stand it.

I want to start Anaya right now, but I have no resources. Anaya will have to be designed on a no-resources model. I would have to start it and make the members become squatters, or else I would have to get a great gift from a benefactor and buy our own land. I don’t have the resources or the income to buy land and be able to afford it right now. I would have to start something that would earn income from the land, like renting it out to RV campers, but that would take several years to do. I want to start Anaya right now, as soon as possible, and not a decade or two from now when I’ve finally started earning a better income after doing a bunch of things.

So I can only start Anaya all by myself, by learning the subsistence lifestyle. I’m just so sick of eating bad food, starving all the time, seeing ugly and unhealthy people around me all the time, being unhealthy myself, and having no children, and being unhappy and unfulfilled. I want all of this to change.

After hibernation is over, I’ll continue with the decon that I never finished, and then move on with my life. I’ll be going to the Unitarian Universalist fellowship too, so I will be socializing. And then I will go to Alaska this summer and learn how to process wild foods. I won’t be able to hunt, but I will process the foods that they hunt and gather, and I will learn other household skills that they can teach me. They aren’t actually flintknapping their own arrowheads or anything like that – they use guns – so it’s not really primitive, but it’s as close as I can get. However, there are some more people in other places who are living an even more primitive life. There are people in Greenland who go seal hunting with spears, for instance. I hope that I get to meet more people from the Arctic.

And if I live long enough, I want to try living in Antarctica. It is inevitable that we will colonize Antarctica. However, everyone else who talks about it is imagining a very high-tech approach, with big domes over the buildings and things like that. I am imagining a low-tech approach, with Stone Age hunter-gatherers, which is why I need to learn it from the Arctic before I go. Antarctica is inevitable. How long it will take, I don’t know. When it will happen, I don’t know. I’m talking about something beyond just the scientific research station that’s already down there. I’m talking about eating food that comes from Antarctica itself instead of food that gets shipped in. It excites me to think about the colonization of Antarctica – I know absolutely for certain that it will happen, and maybe in my lifetime, maybe this century. I can’t wait to see it. People will live in Antarctica before they live in outer space.

(*EDIT: Holy crap! It is already colonized by Aborigines! I DIDN’T KNOW THAT! I thought Antarctica was the only continent that had never been colonized by any aboriginal people at all! Then I started reading this other website, and I thought it was joking!!! They mentioned aboriginal people, and I was like ‘WTF?’ But look here: Wow… I have to go there now. I have to. – Wait, I’m reading this, and several web pages are saying there are absolutely no aboriginal people there, and then a couple pages say there are, and one of them shows a photo of an igloo surrounded by trees, but there are no trees in Antarctica, and I’m thinking this IS a joke, actually.*)

My hibernation will be over soon. This year will be different. I am going to live again.

Storm clouds full of bacteria – I knew it!

January 27, 2013

I had noticed correlations between precipitation and illness outbreaks. I remembered that, long ago, people would say that you would get sick if you went out in the rain, but then, people said that diseases had to be transmitted from person to person, and that they didn’t come from the rain. I questioned this, because the correlation was so strong, and so I started suspecting that clouds have bacteria or viruses in them. I myself would often get sick if I went out in the rain, even if I had been completely alone and isolated from other people all day long and had had no contact with other sick people at all. The sickness would come out of nowhere when nobody else had been sick.

Then today I saw this:

Storm Clouds Crawling With Bacteria

An intense beam of laser light can render a material transparent to a second beam of laser light

January 23, 2013

I’ve used a whole bunch of caffeine today, so I am mentally alert and more intelligent than usual, and able to think scientifically. I was writing in the science forum in a thread called ‘I can feel x-rays,’ and so I started looking up other pages about how x-rays interact with matter.

During my research, I found this other page:

“For example, an intense beam of laser light shining on a material can render it transparent to a second laser beam (so-called optically induced transparency).”

Optically induced transparency, caused by two lasers, could explain how the attackers are able to see through the walls of the electronic harassment victims that they are surveilling.

going to a Unitarian Universalist church tomorrow

January 20, 2013

11:26 PM 1/19/2013

If I’m able to get up in the morning tomorrow, I’m going to go to the Unitarian Universalist Church. Some people suggested it to me when I went to the Freethought Meetup group. A couple of people there participate in that church, which is an all-inclusive church that lets in people with all different beliefs, including atheists and agnostics. They have a set of principles that they follow, but they are just universal ethical principles rather than specific bible teachings.

I took a ‘Belief-O-Matic’ test online several years ago, and, aside from ‘atheist,’ it said that I was a Unitarian Universalist. I think that was, like, the second result from the top. I can’t remember the questions on the test now, but I probably got that result because of saying things like, if there were a heaven, I would want to just assume that everybody goes there and nobody goes to hell.

I’m going to try going to this church and meeting people socially so that I can interact with real people in the real world and do a variety of activities. They don’t care that I’m an atheist. I was invited to go there by someone who goes to the Freethough meetup group and who is also an active member of the church, so they obviously know that I am an atheist.

However, getting up and going there early in the morning on a Sunday, when I also go to work on Sundays, will be hard to do. I might have to actually request to go in late to work on Sundays. I’ll see how it goes, and I’ll think about it. They have other activities besides just the Sunday sermon.

I wanna quote this person:

January 17, 2013

Someone in the science forum said something that made me wish I could jump up and down cheering. This is more than just a ‘like,’ but ‘like’ is the only button I can push. There was a discussion where people said that they could feel it when they were getting an x-ray. And as always, there were people who reflexively, automatically, instantly said, ‘NOPE. YOU CAN’T FEEL THAT. END OF STORY,’ over and over and over again. It was very annoying. It reminds me of FSK’s Guide To Reality, which I used to read, and his post called ‘The Stubborn Clueless Fool Fallacy.’

So I wrote a comment griping about this and about how it scares people when people say they can sense something that the ‘authorities’ say they can’t possibly sense. One of the other people in the thread was grateful to hear this.

“@Strange: I think that we get the point that you want a double-blind study and are skeptical. However, the desire to do so is limited by time and funding, as longhairlover said. I personally do not have this as my life’s mission to resolve my observations. I joined this group hoping that someone else had already uncovered previous studies on it. As it appears that none of us have a beat on that, I suppose this group stands as an early “users group” of people who some future researcher can contact if guinea pigs are needed. In the meantime, we can touch back here and message each other if we do find that research is underway in this vein.

Said differently, this is a mild interest and just one of those ‘hmmmm, what’s THAT?’ sort of situations. Many of us here are skeptical scientists in our own right and don’t need to have someone insisting that there’s got to be a double-blind study done on this every single freakin’ time someone new pops up on the radar. But, for sure, we don’t need anyone squashing our enthusiasm every time another one of us pops up on the radar to join the chat. There is the human element of ‘wonder’ that Sagan had that we are all enjoying here in this chat, so maybe you could back off just a bit. I think we ‘get’ that we are only reporting our personal feelings about this at this time and that these experiences have not yet been included in an expensive study of any nature. In other words, can you just let people report their sensations and the rest of us who also have them can say “cool! I get that sensation, too? What could it be?” for now? And, anyone who has the resources to truly answer the questions or already has an analysis and journal article in hand, of course, is more than welcome to lead us out of the dark. In the meantime, we are more than aware that we’re at the tip of the iceberg, thank you very much.”

Another ordinary person describes an electronic harassment incident without knowing what it is

January 16, 2013

Someone on the survivalist boards heard a voice in his ear which told him not to drive on the highway, but instead, to drive on one of the smaller local roads where he would be going at a slower speed. The car was about to break down, and if he had been going at high speed, the accident would have been much more severe.

‘They’ often play the role of a benevolent helper, watching out for you and protecting you against danger. This has happened to me before too, not exactly like that person’s story, but in other ways. That doesn’t mean that I want them to be there, because the price that I pay is that my mind is constantly being interfered with and I have no mental freedom. But they sometimes play a positive role; still, they should not be there.

Loss of faith in anarchism?

January 14, 2013

My first task in this forum was to renew the faith of an anarchist who was losing it. I have a headache and feel sick today, and it’s hard to think, but I did the best I could. I answered by telling him something to the effect of, anarchism is something eternal in the human spirit that can never be eradicated no matter what the circumstances. It will always appear again and again no matter what society it lives in. It is unkillable. Unfortunately, this post has sat around unanswered for months – he or she wrote it in August. (The forum doesn’t show what gender people are, so it’s going to be confusing – oh wait, his username says ‘Sir,’ so I guess it is a guy.) So this person might not even know that I’ve posted a reply, especially if he forgot to check the box that says to notify him if there is a reply. I wish that that box would be checked by default, unless you chose otherwise in your control panel.

I wish that I didn’t have a sick headache and I wish that I was able to think and I wish I could have written a better answer. But anyway, I’m trying to find like-minded people to talk to in a forum, and I’ve been joining forums left and right looking for people with similar interests who I can talk to about things that matter to me, things that I believe in, things that lend themselves well to abstract discussions on the internet.

another new forum

January 14, 2013

Anarchist discussion forums:

I have this feeling of joy and excitement

January 11, 2013

I was on the survivalist boards forum and encountered someone who is a subsistence hunter living in Alaska. He had written a calendar of what goes on in his life every month of the year. (Warning: this shows graphic images of dead animals – it’s about hunting)

I sent him a message asking him if there was any remote possibility at all that he would ever host a visitor and show them how to live that way, and he said yes. 🙂 He said he had occasionally had a few visitors there before who had gone hunting with him. So I am talking to him about this and he is agreeable to letting me go up there and stay for a bit and learn how to do some of the things that they have to do in their daily life.

I am going to talk to the managers at McDonald’s and find out what kind of vacation I would be able to take, to see how long I would be able to stay up there. We haven’t decided on anything specific yet, but I’m just very pleased that he has taken my request seriously and said that it would be okay. I would be there not just as a visitor, but a worker – I would work as hard as I could, just like any other family member, and would not just be sitting around waiting for someone to entertain me. I want to learn.

I just have to do some planning and preparation, talk to my managers, make sure I have enough money for a plane ticket, and talk to this guy about how we would do this in more detail. I’ve gone on some spontaneous little adventures before, many years ago in college, but never anything like this, never such a distance away, and never for such a useful purpose, to learn survival skills in the Arctic.

We’ll see how this goes over the next few weeks, whether I can get a vacation, whether I have enough money, whether I can figure out exactly how to get there and what to do, and whether I am tough enough to handle it after I actually get there.

Cirque de Soleil was good until they started playing pop songs from the 1960s/70s

January 10, 2013

11:51 PM 1/9/2013

I spontaneously went out to see a movie without having any idea what was on or what I wanted to watch. I just got there and had a choice of the few movies that happened to be starting right about that time. The one that I chose was ‘Cirque de Soleil.’ It wouldn’t have been that bad. I liked it at first. But then, they had to start playing pop songs from the 1960s and 70s, like the Beatles, songs that I absolutely hate. That ruined it for me. If it had only been instrumental music without any words, then I would have enjoyed the beauty of the movie, but as soon as they started playing The Beatles and the other songs that they played, it became torture. It was a beautiful movie and I could have enjoyed it for the sake of the visuals, although I was also uncomfortably aware that images like this were obviously the direct result of somebody going on a drug trip, and that, also, sort of ruined it for me. Somebody took some LSD and wrote a really long drug trip into a musical theatrical performance. I sometimes wonder if anybody would have ever created anything without drugs, and if so, what would it be like. So much music, and so much pop culture, was obviously the result of drug use. I know this from my own experiences – when I was on St. John’s Wort, I was able to write a lot of unfinished song fragments in Propellerheads Reason.

Now I have a headache, and I’m not sure if it’s because I was wearing 3D glasses – I *hate* 3D, and if I had a choice, I would not have watched it in 3D, regardless of how ‘visual’ the movie was, I don’t care – or whether the headache is because I’m slightly sick again. I’ve been fighting off some kind of mild illness repeatedly in the past few days, but not completely getting sick outright, just vaguely feeling like crap more than usual and in different ways than usual.

I am wearing the new boots now. They don’t fit, so I’m going to stuff the toes with wadded up socks, maybe. They slide on my feet, even though they are a size 7, which is what I usually wear. And they can barely be zipped up. I’m not wearing particularly thick pants, but I have my pants tucked into my socks, and I think it’s reasonable for the boot makers to expect that somebody would tuck their pants into their socks while wearing these boots, but no, the leg of the boot is so narrow that you can’t zip it up. It clenches around my thick, muscular calf – I don’t normally see myself as having especially muscular calves, but I am instantly aware of it while struggling to zip up these stupid narrow boots that are made for some anorexic skeleton who doesn’t care about leaving her pant cuffs untucked so that they drag in the snow. Is everybody else able to get into these boots easily? I don’t think so. The other day, I saw another woman wearing boots similar to the ones that I’ve gotten, and she was walking around with the boots unzipped just like I am. So I can’t fantasize that I just have awesomely huge calf muscles or something – *nobody* is able to fit into these badly designed boots. Anyway, so the foot part is so big that my feet slide around in there, while the calf part is so small that it cannot be zipped up. I can’t wait until the day when I am making my own clothes.

When I feel sick like I do today, I have this feeling of intolerable, insatiable… something. There’s this feeling that nothing can satisfy me. I lost my appetite and didn’t eat much all day because my stomach felt sick. I finally ate something, but then felt sickened by it. I feel lonely and miserable, but yet, I can’t think of anybody whose company I could tolerate, or any social activities that I could stand to do. It will all get better after I go to sleep tonight.

I did slightly reduce the mania that was resulting from my contaminated shoes. But it’s not completely gone, just reduced. Now I just sort of feel disoriented and unhappy in addition to feeling sick. I’m suddenly in a different mood, and it’s no longer the ‘I can do anything!’ mood. So I have to reorient myself and decide what my priorities are and what tasks I can and should accomplish, and get rid of any Unsustainable Manic Projects that I started.

new boots, finally, so hopefully I’ll stop having reactions to the wet shoes

January 9, 2013

10:05 PM 1/8/2013

I was finally able to do something to patch up the ongoing contamination problem from my shoes. I had been originally going to do the soil decon by going over to the new tent in the new location, but haven’t been able to finish that. I tried to get it done before winter, and failed. So now I am having ongoing problems with the shoes. They keep getting wet, almost every day, because I’m walking through the snow. I’ve made a path of footprints, so my feet don’t touch the snow on the sides as much anymore, but still, they are getting wet, and I’m having reactions to the shoes every day, which is causing my nonstop mild mania. It won’t end until the ground dries out, but the snow isn’t melting, and I’m on the mountain, so the snow stays there even longer. It’ll be there for weeks, maybe.

So tonight I went out and got some boots. I had wanted to do that a while ago, but I thought that I wouldn’t need them very often. I was thinking about how infrequently it snowed, but I didn’t think about how long the snow lingers on the mountain after the few snows that we get. Anyway, I have new boots. They won’t get wet on the inside. If the wetness doesn’t soak through them, I won’t have a reaction to the soil contamination. So, I just have to go someplace, wash off my feet thoroughly, and change into the new boots. I’ll do that tomorrow.

37 reasons why you should stop using numbered lists for every single blog post!

January 7, 2013

I keep noticing the huge number of blogs and other articles that catch your attention with some kind of ‘list.’ 5 weird tips for fighting heart disease. 10 reasons why you should never blow dry your hair. Etc, etc, etc. The other day I was googling something about how to style natural afro-textured hair, and I ended up on this page: I suspect that it was originally called ‘All women’s talk,’ or something, and people were misreading it as ‘stalk,’ so they wrote that as a joke, but I’m just guessing.

GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH! The entire page is filled with hundreds and hundreds of numbered-list posts! For some reason, this particular person (or maybe it’s a group of different bloggers, I’m not sure) have gotten stuck in this particular pattern or format of blog writing. Every post, no matter what it’s about, must be a numbered list.

I originally started noticing this and paying attention to it recently because somebody somewhere had mentioned blog aggregators, and they mentioned a couple of well-known sites that did that, so I looked at them, and I noticed that the blog aggregators were just a huge collection of garbage, the shallowest of blogs imaginable, and that the vast majority of them were just the ‘numbered list’ style blogs without any depth. That’s when I first became aware of and annoyed by this phenomenon and then started seeing it everywhere. How come blog aggregators don’t collect blog posts from the millions of other different blog formats and styles?

thinking of the Inuit again

January 6, 2013

1:42 PM 1/6/2013

I’m reading about the Inuit again. I don’t know how cold it got here the other day, but people had taken the temperature in a variety of places in Pennsylvania, and some people had observed it down at 1 degree F, during the night. I slept through it with my four sleeping bags. I noticed that it was a little bit cold, but it wasn’t really bad, and once the sleeping bags got warmed up, I was fine. I don’t know how cold it was in this particular area.

I have been fascinated with the Inuit for a few reasons. They are in one of the few parts of the world that is still relatively unpopulated, and it’s still possible to live a nomadic hunter-gatherer lifestyle there. Many Inuit do not live that way anymore because they were forced to move into settlements by the government, and after they did that, they forgot how to live by themselves, and so a lot of them are in that phase of cultural destruction where they are neither nomadic nor fully modernized, and they have severe health problems and alcoholism and suicide and other problems, and many of them are on welfare (whatever the Canadian version of welfare is).

So I watch them being destroyed, and to me it’s like a sort of marker or symptom of the whole world being destroyed, and everyone’s freedom being destroyed. I know there are a few other hunter-gatherers out there in other countries, but the Inuit just represent all of them together, for me. The pattern happens again and again – some modern government takes over a region, and then commits genocide on the people who were already there, and forces them to start living the modern way, and they forget how to live, and they end up depending on welfare.

People worry about me living in a tent in the winter in Pennsylvania. But the Inuit used to live in the Arctic, in Northern Canada, without electricity, without cars, without metallic objects – they only used stone and bone – except for a small group of people called the ‘Copper Inuit,’ who made things with copper, a group of people who have beards and who resemble the Vikings, people who probably came from Norway/Sweden/Finland, whichever one. These people hunted nomadically, following the herds of animals as the animals moved from place to place with every different season of the year (and I just read someplace that the Inuit had 12 seasons, not 4 like we have). They used dogsleds – they did have dogs, so that was their beast of burden.

The only thing that disappoints me about the Inuit is that they didn’t really have much music. I’ve listened to the music from other indigenous people, such as the African tribes (no, it has absolutely no resemblance to rap music), and I really love some of it. I wonder why the Inuit didn’t make much music, but it’s partly because they couldn’t pluck a string instrument with frozen fingers, maybe, and they didn’t have metallic objects, and also, they didn’t have a lot of drugs, because they don’t eat a lot of plants. I strongly suspect that drugs are one of the biggest causes of the creation of music in all cultures. Most cultures have some kind of plant-based drugs.

Anyway, as I read the news about the Arctic, I feel like I’m watching the very last remnants of the world being destroyed. And yet, there is still enough open space, and enough roaming wild animals, that you could still go up there and choose to live a primitive hunter-gatherer lifestyle with only stone and bone tools.

And I want to write a book where I would go up there and interview all the oldest people, and ask them to tell me the details of every craft, the craft of making boats, the craft of making spears and bows and arrows, clothing, houses, everything, the primitive way, before it’s forgotten.

I would love to go there and visit the Arctic and see the most primitive Inuit people who remain, not the semi-domesticated slaves on welfare (and no, I’m not blaming them, they are the victims), but the ones who are still relatively independent, although most of them buy guns and bullets made of metal, and so they have to earn cash to pay for those things, which means they are still slaves. I’d also love to try their food. Many of them still eat raw seals.

Oh well, I don’t have time to write anymore. I’m on lunch break.

it is not yet colder than absolute zero in Pennsylvania

January 5, 2013

I don’t have any time to write, but I thought it was interesting to read that some people did an experiment where they forced a material to be colder than absolute zero, and the definition of what it means to be ‘cold’ is completely different down in that range – the definition of what *anything* means is totally different. I wanted to read more about it.

I have a cold and I feel like crap, but I dragged myself to work and I’m drinking coffee now.

for some reason this picture struck me

January 2, 2013

I had googled ‘ojibwe’ to look at the Native Americans, because someone on the survivalist forum mentioned that he had an Ojibwa uncle. This picture had nothing to do with the Ojibwe, but it was in the results. (Actually, it was tagged ‘ojibwe’ when I looked more closely, so someone in the photo must be Ojibwe.) It was called ‘True Love,’ and came from tumblr pages that had the tag ‘war veterans’:

lady dancing with man in wheelchair


January 2, 2013

I enjoyed this list of ‘Unresolutions’ from They put a new spin on New Year’s resolutions. If that link works – I don’t know if it works for non-members or people who are not logged in – then click the left and right arrows to see more examples of unresolutions from They were cute. It would be something like ‘Cancel my gym membership,’ instead of a resolution to get a new gym membership, and then they would show a picture of the outdoor meetups, where people go hiking and go have fun together outdoors, instead of being locked up in a boring old gym. Or ‘spend less one-on-one time with my kids,’ the opposite of the usual resolution to spend more time with them – showing a photograph of a Parenting meetup with a large group of parents and kids having fun all together outdoors, instead of home alone as a family., New Year’s Unresolutions, from

I’m probably going to start my own meetup group or groups, but I have to send them my fees, and since I don’t have a credit card, I have to send it with a check in the mail, and I haven’t gotten around to doing that yet, although I have been wanting to do this for months. I was sort of hoping that I would be able to finish my decon before trying to start any new Unsustainable Manic Projects, which was why I kept postponing it.

Panera Bread: Worst Wifi In Town Award!

January 2, 2013

7:21 PM 1/2/2013

I regrettably must give Panera Bread the ‘Worst Wifi In Town’ award. They have a warning that says that you have only 30 minutes of wifi use during the busiest hours of the day – I forget which hours – and that’s understandable. But it goes way beyond that. No matter what time of day you get on the wifi, it’s usable for about 30 seconds before it dies and refuses to budge. If you’re lucky, you can get a couple crumbs of data to get through now and then, after which it will suddenly stop again and give you all the ‘page cannot be displayed’ errors. And this happens to me EVERY TIME that I go here. I always go here, hoping that maybe this time it will be different, but it NEVER IS. Thanks, Panera, for losing a customer. I’d be happy to stay here for a couple hours buying more drinks and more food from you, if only I had something to do while sitting here, at the non-busy hours when, supposedly, I can use the wifi for longer than half an hour – but no! Even in the evening when it’s slow, if I can get the wifi to work at all, it still cuts me off permanently after only 30 minutes, and there’s absolutely no chance of getting back, unless you know some way to hack it and spoof your IP address, which I don’t feel like bothering to learn how to do.