Archive for February, 2018

Actually, that didn’t last long

February 28, 2018
I just went back to sleep and got up later in the day. I still don’t have much energy. But I was able to go to the woods and fill up some plant pots with dirt. I’m using one real plant pot and several pieces of plastic trash as pots, things like the plastic box my lettuce comes in. I love doing that. My dirt and pots are free. I cannot take care of Peter, or even entertain him in conversation. He has never been able to listen to any of my health advice at all, and just blindly does everything doctors tell him, and takes every drug and has every surgery. He has no interest whatsoever in getting away from doctors. I can’t put up with that on a daily basis. He’s at the hospital again and has called me on the phone. I can’t even bring myself to talk to him. I just don’t want to hear about any of it.

I don’t know who will take care of him, maybe his family, maybe his son. I just don’t even want to have frequent conversations with him. He absolutely cannot conceive of the idea of reducing the number of drugs he takes to reduce his problems, or the idea of cutting back gradually on his antidepressant. He is helpless to observe his own moods and sensations. I could talk about socionics right here, but I won’t. Suffice it to say, I know what type he is, and it’s a type that can’t take health-related suggestions. I know it from experience and it’s also part of his type, well known and documented.

Somebody called me to work yesterday and I was out on errands. I didn’t even notice the text until an hour later. I never called or texted back. They just wanted me to replace them because they had to leave. But I’m not the person to call on short notice. I can replace someone if they tell me days in advance, or maybe hours in advance if I’m not out busy doing something that day. I *can’t* come in instantly for an emergency.

I’m still barely functioning. And I have a hard time saying no to people. But I have to. I am barely able to get out of bed most days right now.

I want to restore the soil and the native grasses

February 28, 2018
The giant field could be sectioned off with ropes, temporary fences like Mom used for the horses. If you move them from one pasture section to another, they won’t totally destroy it. I’ve seen pictures of some of the native grasses, and it looks like they grow pretty tall. Did they just have empty space in between the clumps? What grew there? This would be planted on existing nonnative grass, the carpet grass, so it would have that between it.

I have so much work to do. I have so little energy. I am not manic, as such, today, just a calm mood with a much higher ability to do practical chores and tasks. It’s also very sunny, which helps.

But anyway, I have ten million things on my to-do list, which includes gigantic global projects beyond my power, such as rebuilding all the soil. I can only rebuild soil in small areas by myself. I know all about rich soil because I’ve camped in the woods for long periods (literally years, cumulatively, including in winters). The soil in the woods is nothing but thick rotten black leaf litter, rotten sticks, mold, fungus, and is teeming with life and full of moisture, and it smells wonderful in the misty rain. Most soil in yards is just like bare clay under the grass, like what I see in the new construction area I pass on the way into town. Bulldozers dug up all the ground and I see bare orange clay, which I want to go collect so I can use clay for things, like, I want to eat it, and I want to wash my hair with it and see if that removes grease without shampoo. I would wash my whole body with clay, but not in a bathtub connected to the sewer. I would dump the water outside. I don’t want to clog the drains.

I would live in a nudist colony and bathe outdoors in a tub that dumped on the ground, obviously not with chemical soaps and shampoos. The calcium montmorillonite clay I tried once gave me insomnia. But no special clay is needed, just normal clay. I’ll finish this up now. Maybe I can get more done.

Goats milk, continued, doing tasks

February 28, 2018
This is also my fourth day off in a row, which is important. I think I got an extra day because I’ve worked some extra hours recently. It takes me days to recover from work. All these factors together have enabled me to miraculously get up and do productive work at 9am on a day off without any emergencies or appointments forcing me to. I’ve been much more exhausted since I got the flu. I hope this milk and food helps me get over it.

Goats milk is so much less slimy than cows milk. I never tried A2 gene cows milk, so I don’t know if maybe the A1 gene is what makes it slimy. It triggers a lot of mucus production. Goats milk seems more watery and thinner, lighter, tastes better, and has no slime. I get that slimy sensation even with grassfed cows milk somewhat, so it’s not merely bad quality.

I even played Roller Coaster Tycoon more ambitiously. I can see that my brain is working. The sage-rosemary combination somewhat does that. I was making more compact roller coasters instead of sprawling ones. Badly designed roller coasters are a sign of poor brain function and sickness.

I bought a couple seeds for things like squash and lettuce. I want to put them on the roof or someplace where deer won’t eat them. I have experience with the deer destroying all my plants when I lived at the duckpond and planted sunflowers. They ate every sunflower all the way to the ground.

I will keep eating the spices too because they help so much with improving my brain function. It is not trivial or insignificant. The effect is very powerful. I don’t count these as harmful drugs because there is no craving or withdrawal. I forget to use them unless I consciously and deliberately do it, unlike caffeine, which never lets me forget that it exists. Even now I desire the coffee I pass at the stores when I go out.

We need native warm season clump grass in the horse pasture. They have a tiny bare horse yard, but they mow with a lawnmower the giant, empty field……

Raw goat’s milk

February 28, 2018
I went shopping yesterday when I went on an errand to get my rent money. I stopped at Nature’s Pantry, the easiest place to get raw goat’s milk. I also got a small piece of wild caught frozen salmon. I ate a very small amount of the salmon raw, since I eat sushi and sashimi occasionally. It was still mostly frozen so this was hard to do. I gave a few tiny bits to Jacob. I also ate these sprouted sunflower microgreens I bought there. Sunflower was the only kind they had. They were grown locally.

The milk was a small container, not the larger one. I didn’t know how much I would use. As soon as I started drinking it, I drank a lot. I also had some sage and rosemary, which I have found increases my intelligence. It was just regular dried spices.

So today, all of a sudden, even though it’s still chilly outside and in my house, I’m up early in spite of having trouble falling asleep and playing Roller Coaster Tycoon late at night. I still have ephedra interfering with my sleep and increasing my stress level, although as I’ve said before, this outbreak of it is survivable. “Immaculate” is what I will have to be to fix it.

I am up at 9am even without any emergency or appointment! See why I want goats? I will grassfeed and brush feed them. They can clear out all the honeysuckle or something. Invasive plant removal.

I’m also doing a different meditation, whose focus is “I have things to do.” I am bringing my thoughts back over and over to one somewhat randomly chosen project, a non-urgent project that is very hard to do and will require new skills, tools, and risks. I want to make some sort of cat door for Jacob. While being constantly attacked with electronic weapons, I have mentally looked at this project again and again all morning.

Even though I did not think about other to-do items, I was suddenly able to take some trash out that I was dreading, the heavy bag of used kitty litter – at 9am, when I’ve been usually getting up at 3 or 4 pm. I’ve been SO TIRED.

Pedophilia symbol on back of a chair in Wall Street Journal article called Migration Stirs Italian Politics As Vote Nears

February 27, 2018

I’ve never gotten the Wall Street Journal before, but I did it on impulse yesterday when ibwas out shopping. Lo and behold, in some article about Italy, I see this heart inside a heart on the back of a chair. It says “ALGIDA” or possibly “ALOIDA” if the O is kind of flattened, right under the symbol. It is unmistakable. It isn’t some weird distorted image that I can’t see very well. It’s plain as day. I haven’t read the article yet. The chairs are next to a building that says “COMUNE DI UMBERTIDE.” The caption says, ” Umbertide, a town in Umbria, was once so solidly left-wing local cynics called it ‘little Stalingrad.'”

but no bright yellow beads at Michaels Arts and Crafts

February 26, 2018
I went to Michaels Arts & crafts after picking up my UPS packages. They have an overwhelming number of kinds and colors of beads if you include the manmade materials. Anything is possible, so what do you do? I went through them looking for undyed stones and shells. However, there is absolutely no quality inspection service to prove they are what they say they are. Some were not really labeled. They had a section with semiprecious stones, but that whole section is full of dyed stones alongside undyed stones.

I got very disgusted with dyed stones decades ago when I bought a blue stone necklace from the Nature’s Jewelry catalog. The necklace got wet and all this blue dye leaked out of it. I never knew until then that stones were dyed.

It’s so pointless to dye stones! Why bother even using stone if all you care about is color? Just use some shitty plastic or glass! Seriously, why do you dye a stone and then you’re able to say, “This is dyed quartzite?”

I couldn’t find much yellow in either the fake or real or manmade beads. To get bright yellow I’d have to get plastic beads. However, I also stopped at Joann Fabrics and saw beads but was in a hurry because I was late for work that day. So I can’t recall if they had anything yellow. I know bright yellow stones exist!

I could set up a warehouse or store that gathered quality inspected materials from trusted suppliers who I had personally talked to about what I want. Some untrustworthy morons will give you what *they* think is good, not what you ask for. So I could ask for stones that weren’t heat treated, and they’ll secretly heat treat them anyway because this stone is “supposed to” be pink or purple and I’m crazy for requesting its original color.

I got that impression when I read a website to research this. The moron on that website had no concept of the natural principle and no objection to using cheaper stones for the purpose of bragging to people that it was expensive.

Beads, for some reason – an unsustainable manic project?

February 26, 2018
Today, I bought beads. I was running an errand, going to pick up some packages at the UPS store. I ordered one of the books that Warren Buffett based his strategies on – “The Intelligent Investor” or something. I also got a “Breathing Mobile Washer,” which was mentioned in either the Low Tech or No Tech blogs. It’s like a plunger. You can handwash clothes with it. I might try to clean some ephedra clothes or something instead of ruining a washer at the laundromat. I did make one necklace out of beads and wore it several times, although it’s a “rough draft,” not sellable. It was very hasty. My problem is, it’s extremely hard to find beads that meet my extremely strict criteria. I need a quality inspection service. I’m looking for natural raw materials that have not been modified from their original state, in particular, undyed. I want undyed seashells, pearls, stones, feathers, and fibers, strings. I am “on the fence” about glass – it’s a manmade material, and I love it and want to make it myself, but its colors rely on chemicals from a factory. I wouldn’t mind so much if I were doing it myself. If I extracted cobalt from ore and did the chemical reactions to make it into cobalt blue, I might feel better about it. But I don’t like relying on others.

I think it was William Russo in Composing Music who said “Limitations and restrictions lead to creativity and expansion,” something like that, I forget the exact words. I agreed with what he meant in that context, but “they” started suggesting it meant violations of freedom and other horrible abusive things. That’s not what he means in that context. It just means that when there are an overwhelming number of options, you become overwhelmed and create nothing, but if some principle restricts your options, you are free to create within those limits. My principle of “natural materials” fits with this concept.

There are overwhelming numbers of types of beads, including manmade. …continued

Land ownership discussions make me extremely angry

February 24, 2018
I might be already angry because of PMS. I’m also tired and stressed at work. I opened one of the forums where I read about the land ownership discussion. THEY… ARE… SO…. WRONG. They are blatantly screaming evil. Some pro-landownership people also advocate having an artificial intelligence make all the decisions in society. I hate these people so much. And I can’t debunk their bullshit right now because I’m stuck at work.

Peter’s wife Tammy died Monday

February 24, 2018
I didn’t write about it and it’s depressing. Tammy was at the computer falling asleep, so she went to, I guess, the couch to sit and take a nap. She did that at about 1pm. He says that she slept a really long time, like till 7pm, and they tried to wake her but she wouldn’t wake up. His son Deter called 911, and they didn’t send an ambulance, they sent the coroner. Her family talked to Peter and said it was the same day as her mother’s death. Her mother died at age 53 – they had a short-lived unhealthy family. Tammy died at 52. Maybe I reversed those ages. They said it was a “massive heart attack” but that was really just BS – they hadn’t done an autopsy. She was killed by electronic weapons. They are date-worshippers, and they want people to know that they’re killing people, so they kill them on a significant date to make it obvious that they did it. Obvious, but unprovable. This is a tiresome, stupid, moronic thing to do, which is why I don’t like to talk about it. They also killed my grandmother, and my mom , at specific dates and times.

Homo Erectus may have been sailors or something

February 24, 2018
I didn’t have a chance to read that news article, I just saw the title. I always thought that only stupid trolls believed that previous incarnations of humans were stupid or inferior. I learned about the previous humans in National Geographic decades ago. At first I believed the idea that previous people were stupid, but over the years I decided they were probably superior to us, not inferior.

And then the news started saying things like Neanderthals were actually smarter than we are, or something. So while I didn’t know Homo Erectus were sailors specifically, it doesn’t really shock me that much to hear that they did something intelligent besides walking around going ooga booga.

It bothers me when people leave from this campground. Mr. Puppy, I don’t know his name, is on the other side of me a few lots away with no one between us. The lesbian is on the near side when I walk out the door, and she found her glasses and got together with her girlfriend again, who is very beautiful.

Mr. Puppy sometimes goes on trips and comes back. He has an additional little box trailer – I want one – that he stores stuff in. I realize trailers are meant to move and travel. But nomads always travel over a certain area – they didn’t go away forever. Mr. Puppy sometimes goes away, leaving his box trailer here, then comes back. Today he and his box trailer are both gone.

He has a wife, but I don’t see her often. I just see him stepping outside to smoke a cigarette and then take the two teeny dogs for a walk. I’m not a teeny dog lover. I like wolf sized dogs. They can survive independently. If a dog’s legs are so short it can’t walk, it’s a victim of breeding. I would love sled dogs. I really want dogs but want to have land for them to run on.

I have to work today. I hate my job for many reasons. I’m glad to have a few Deltas there. It doesn’t fix the way the place is run, since lower level employees are powerless. It just makes work tolerable.

I can’t possibly make subtle puns about a booger

February 24, 2018
I was struggling not to laugh when the customer came back. But the alleged booger had vanished. I was going, inwardly, “pff, pff, pff,” holding in my laughter and trying not to even smile. After he was gone I told Matt the problem had somehow fixed itself between here and there. He does have a girlfriend. She’s a massage therapist. I avoided eye contact when he mentioned her in a conversation. This is why we need polyamory. The nicest duals *always* already have girlfriends.

I made him feel awkward in return – at the end of the day I said “It was nice meeting you,” before he left, and he fumbled and stuttered trying to say “It was nice meeting you too.”

He’s a dual partly because he was capable of hearing me when I talked. Non-duals cannot process the information you give them. He was able to hear and understand what I said, and his responses showed comprehension. I told him I wasn’t a morning person, and we started talking about sleep difficulties, which he has also experienced. Non-duals cannot talk about that.

However, conversations are able to fizzle if you don’t have a common interest or aren’t telling a really long interesting story about something you both care about. Rachael and I told each other long stories for hours at a time.

I’m tired and I’m going to bed. It was hell tonight. Tomorrow is State Patty’s Day (or Paddy, however they spell it). The craziness started tonight.

I really enjoyed working with Matt though and I hope he stays a while. I could use some practice working alongside a sane, decent dual. I did have another dual, Mark at McD, but he was an idiot. Duals can have extreme differences in intelligence. Matt’s not an idiot.

Matt The Second is a nice socionic dual

February 24, 2018
He reminds me a little bit of Dylan, whose type I was unsure of. Dylan left us a while back. He had a girlfriend or wife, and a son. I was never sure if he was ENFP or ESFP. Matthew the Second is a new employee. The weird thing was, my intuition (or maybe “they”) was telling me he was a dual before I even met him. I was kind of laughing affectionately about his mistakes if I found them or was told about them. I thought it was funny that he put the true, accurate, but “bad” temperature on the temp log – a temp that was like 120 for something supposed to be over 140. Normally if I encounter that, I microwave it, turn up the temp on the steam table, and write down the proper temp it’s supposed to be. I forget what other mistakes made me laugh before I met him. There were a couple things.

Then, pretty much the instant I saw him I started to feel afraid of him, awkward, nervous, embarrassed, affectionate.

He was friendly. I was walking across the store rubbing my eye, and he smiled at me or something, and I said, “Hi!” awkwardly, and “I feel like I got an eyelash in my eye.” “That sucks,” he said, which was somehow hilarious. I occasionally made eye contact with him at odd moments.

Jenn was with us too. I’ve been trying to type her and wasn’t sure if she was ESTJ, ESFP, ESTP, or what. I still am not certain. But she got along with both of us. She slightly irritated Matt a couple times, but activators do that – judging versus perceiving. I’m fairly sure she’s ESTJ. She said he’s another CJ (who is INFJ) due to some similarities in their attitudes and behavior – she said that, like CJ, he thinks he knows everything.

The worst part was when I whispered that I thought a customer had a booger on his face. The customer had spoken to me, then gone into the store to get a few more things, and I thought I saw the booger. I said I didn’t want to have to tell him. Matt said “Maybe you could make a few subtle puns.” This was so hysterical I was…..

research how the existing land ownership system works

February 23, 2018
We’d research the existing system, and discuss the problems it causes in the modern world. This is the area where negative focus is allowed. I can trace thousands of problems back to land ownership as a major root of evil, deserving special emphasis beyond simply the fiat money system as a major root of evil. Even though fiat money and banks are involved with land ownership, and if the banking and money system ended it would fix a lot of things, still a lot of libertarians believe that land ownership must still exist and be protected by government even in the libertarian world of extremely minimal government. I can’t call myself a libertarian because libertarians are not talking about land ownership explicitly as a root of evil. I have to get ready for work now. And yes, I would also need people who understand that it isn’t hypocritical that I want to own land. It fits into what I want to do. This whole thing needs to be discussed.

Continuing – group discussion of problems, and maybe land ownership if I get to it

February 23, 2018
I know if I tell my problems, large numbers of people would simply be like, “My honest feedback is that you’re crazy and you should see a psychiatrist.” That’s not useful feedback to me at all. So how would you regulate the feedback to be appropriate and useful? Are people trying to “get on the same page?” Are people trying to agree about a belief, about what they believe to be true? Are they planning to take an action? I need to get Diana Leafe Christian’s books about community again. But to emphasize being a perceiving type, not a judging type, I am more focused on creating a shared vison of some sort, rather than taking action, although I *do* want to have practical action resulting from the shared vision. It’s just going to be different from a judging type focus.

The only reason I’m saying that is because in the past, the mind controllers forced me to do lots of “unsustainable manic projects.” If the project is the slightest bit incompatible with my personality, it absolutely will fail. There is a socionics page that describes the types very well but I forget what the URL is. I also can’t remember the guy’s name, even though he’s a famous major socionics celebrity. Is it Gulenko?

Anyway, I moved from one topic to another. I’m slightly sick and I eventually ate something and felt sicker, so I couldn’t really think clearly anymore. But the last thing I was thinking about was the abstract idea of ending land ownership all at once, in an idealistic utopian way, and asking what are the consequences of that? Participants must agree from the beginning to either take a curious, open-minded attitude to the topic, or to already feel sure that this would be a good thing. I don’t want to fight a battle against people who are 100% sure that the world will be an utter disaster without land ownership. I’ve already moved beyond that belief. The “tragedy of the commons” is a fallacy.

We would also research…

Land ownership as one of the roots of evil

February 23, 2018
I woke up talking to one of the voices that resulted from leaving a comment on Corey Goode’s website. I had said that I think people are afraid of disclosure not because “humanity isn’t ready,” which I believe is untrue, but rather because their own wives will divorce them when they say things like “I murdered 1000 people when I was mind controlled,” that kind of thing (that’s not exactly what I said but you get the idea). There actually is such a thing as a timeline of disclosure which is legitimate: the fact that people simply can’t understand what they’re being told because they haven’t learned a million years of prerequisites. It’s like jumping straight to calculus after arithmetic. Someone, I forget who, some anthropologist once said that the primitive tribes would laugh hysterically if they saw a donkey pulling a cart, but would have no reaction to the sight of an airplane flying over. The donkey cart is meaningful to them because it is immediately applicable to the things they do every day, whereas the airplane is just beyond their comprehension. They can’t understand the significance. Whereas, if a team of people are cooperating to build their first airplane, they will be ecstatic and cheer when it finally gets off the ground and flies.

Well, this thought process then went to “what kind of meetup group would I like to create?” It has to be compatible with my ISTP personality. If it isn’t then I won’t be able to manage the group. My heart won’t be in it.

To make a long story short (I’m texting) I would like to discuss the idea of a world without land ownership.

But first, I imagined a group of people talking about their personal problems. Each person would have to listen to others and take turns. If the number of people increased, this would take longer and longer. Would people give feedback? Do you really want honest feedback from stupid, evil people who are brainwashed and light years behind you in their understanding? Continued..

Douche move! Booked, then Phyrst canceled them for no reason

February 19, 2018
I saw them leaving. A waitress who I talked to said that it was going to be a busy night and they got another band or something. I saw the guys leaving. I went outside and found them smoking out there. I asked what happened. It was two guys and a girl. They booked two weeks in advance and drove down here from New York to play, but suddenly were canceled without being informed. The girl said cynically “I think *I* know what happened.” (I imagine somebody paid someone a bribe or something or sucked someone’s dick to get their band to play instead. I assume that’s what she means.) I said, “So you took all the time and trouble to come here from New York and they did that to you? Well, I don’t know any other place you can go.” She said thanks for the support and I shook all their hands. I also mentioned I worked at Minit Mart, and she said she might’ve seen me there. I just wanted to explain how I knew them.

It’s too late to go see a movie unless I wanna walk into the middle of it.

Jesse just called. He and Kyndle haven’t had the baby yet. They’re due this Friday and she said they’ll induce it if it doesn’t happen. I told them good luck and I know it’s more painful when you induce it, and she already knows that. I wish I could tell everyone how to have a baby properly.

still nothing at 9:37

February 19, 2018
Well…. Not sure how long I can sit here taking up space. I’m using up an entire half a table. He did kind of say it might not start exactly at 9. But I’m pretty sure I saw him come in with his guitar. It was a guy I’d never seen before, who had a guitar with Christmas lights around it, and I told him I thought that was a good idea. It was battery powered. Dear god. I’m not drunk enough to dance to bad music. Other people got excited at this song playing right now. Some people with guitars went to a back room and I haven’t seen them again. I’m assuming I don’t have to go to some other room to see them.

well, torture so far

February 19, 2018
I’m waiting for the open mic to begin, but so far, it’s just really loud prerecorded music, and someone up there apparently practicing drums and not to the same tempo as the other music. The guy who i chatted with as a customer at work said he’d be performing sometime tonight. I don’t drink and don’t socialize so I’m by myself sober in an extremely loud bar. I’d do an open mic performance. I just need some instruments. I’d write music these people have never heard before and will never hear again. This guy said he was doing something acoustic.

Again, these are still not completely set in stone, but here they are

February 19, 2018
I’m somewhat anxious about writing them, because I could change my mind about something later on. I was lying in bed meditating about these, and some of them are still vague, unfinished, or unexplained. Oh, and all of them must have further explanations. 1. Long hair for men and women

2. Special food (very detailed with subcategories, evolving)

3. No surgeries to remove body parts or implant objects, for people and animals

4. Polyamory for men and women is allowed but not required

5. No drugs

6. Social nudity

7. No electronic mind control (explicitly in my religion, since Christians are using electronic weapons to control people who go to church)

8. No vaccines (requires more info for how to treat things like rabies, which I personally experienced)

9. No makeup, although you might use clay or something if you were in baking hot sun, as I tried that once on a long walk – it’s not makeup from the store) or other cosmetics – details and exceptions to be given

10. All races welcome, racial mixing encouraged but not required

11. Environment, free roaming herds of animals – more info needed

12. Dozenal counting, special measurement systems and special math, oralite culture, new language, glossolalia, newly created names for children alongside a mainstream name possibly

13. No huge Christmas with thousands of dollars on presents. Alternative celebrations, holidays, gifts, seasonal observations will evolve

14. No worshipping the Christian god or Jesus or Satan or other gods. I meditate on Anaya as a vision of a person, like an ideal human being or an exceptionally healthy person who is my friend and supporter. There are more that I’ve forgotten or that are too vague and uncertain as of now. All of them contain a lot more detail, with explanations and exceptions. Death acceptance, for example, is important, but hasn’t been fully elaborated on. It means fewer medical treatments.

Special clothing

February 19, 2018
That could be included with the social nudity rule maybe, I don’t know. There are some regulations for clothing, but one rule is that it will vary from place to place due to climate and local resources. I just don’t want horrifically bad mainstream garbage clothing. I do have a lot of clothing rule details actually.