Archive for June, 2011

I did go swimming after all

June 29, 2011

I performed the weekly ritual yesterday evening after having complained that I didn’t get the chance to go swimming this week. I did end up going. There was a small, mild thunderstorm approaching as I was driving to the lake. I could see that it wasn’t much of a storm, and the sky was mostly clear. I parked and walked along the path while the thunder rumbled and a little bit of rain fell. The sun was still out, and a rainbow formed over the lake. I went to my secluded cove. It’s not really secluded, but it’s mostly blocked from view in several directions, and I just have to wait until everyone is gone. I’ve gotten more confident. I know where to go, I know the territory, I know how to hide behind the bushes and trees when I need to.

The storm passed quickly and I never saw any lightning. I found a tree to hide inside of. Its branches hung out over the water and drooped down into it. I waited until the right moment, took off my clothes, and crawled into the water under the tree branches. The water was colder than usual, but I got used to it. It was also rough with wind waves from the storm.

I started swimming, a doggy paddle as always, then the sideways arms stroke, whatever that’s called, the swan stroke or something, the one where I wave my arms back and forth in s-curves. It was very hard to swim against the rough waves coming towards me, but when I turned around and swam towards the shore, it was easy, as I was pushed from behind.

I stayed a little while, but not long. I would’ve wanted to stay longer if the water had been warm, if it had been sunnier, if I had felt more secluded and secure. But at least I got a chance to do it. This was the third time, I think.

I felt much better afterwards.

Nothing new this week. Took a walk, recovered from a stomach virus.

June 28, 2011

I think there’s not much time left on my login session at the library, and I didn’t do the ‘hacked’ login yet, so, if I have to, I can save this draft and do the fake login to finish it.  But I think it will be short enough that that won’t be necessary.

I took a short walk yesterday at a new place, a path leading from Fisherman’s Paradise towards the other fish hatchery on Shiloh Road.  I didn’t go far, because I had a stomach virus and unfortunately had an emergency attack of diarrhea while I was out in the woods far from home.  That was inconvenient, but I survived.  The stomach virus was going around and around at work, and several of us caught it over and over for several days last week.  I think this time it was associated with people putting hog manure on the fields – I could smell it.  I associate stomach viruses with two things: large groups of people traveling in and out of town for holidays and football games, and, people putting liquefied hog manure on the fields.

If I had more time, I would rant about hog manure, about the reasons why people use it, and about the harmful effects of it, but I am not up for that argument today.  People use it because they are required to keep hog manure in a cesspool instead of flushing it down the drain into the sewer.  There should be some special sewage treatment method designed for hog manure so that we don’t have to be stuck with people saving it up and then putting it on the fields.  I am sure that it is connected to outbreaks of viruses. 

Anyway, I went a little ways and then turned back.  I didn’t go swimming anywhere and was too lethargic and miserable all day Monday to do much of anything at all, but I did get a few more boxes moved into storage, and every little bit of work that I do helps. 

I got to watch a tree fall.  There were some people cutting down trees in an area next to the path.  I watched it fall and it made a big, deep thud when it hit the ground.  It gave me conflicting feelings of pain and satisfaction – pain because I don’t like to cut down trees, I don’t like areas that don’t have any trees, and I love the fresh air in the woods in the areas that are completely enclosed by trees – I want to build small cottages in the woods without cutting any trees down.  But still it is satisfying to do something so big as cutting down a tree, and then using the wood for something.  Personally, I would rather grow bamboo.  I’ve read about it and I don’t feel as disturbed by cutting down bamboo as I do trees. 

Today I had a craving for milk, and I went to the Amish farm and bought some REAL milk again.  I can’t drink it anymore because I’ve discovered that I have problems with all milk, not just bad quality milk.  It makes me constipated, even if the milk is fresh, raw milk.  So it tastes wonderful but causes too many problems for me.  I stopped drinking it and that was an unfortunate loss, because I always enjoy visiting the Amish farm and seeing their family and their lifestyle.  I may someday try other kinds of milk, like goats’ milk.  But I have read on the net that other kinds of milk still cause constipation for some people.  I just got a half gallon and I will try to always eat some food with it instead of just drinking glasses of milk by themselves. 

So, I regret not getting to go out much this week.  I watched a movie called ‘The Beaver,’ with Mel Gibson, and I might watch another movie today.  Next week, my new work schedule will start – I’m going to work only four days a week.  Eventually I will get back down to three days a week, but for now, I still need the money.

I feel like this weekend was mostly wasted due to being so sick all day Monday, and even today, I still don’t feel very energetic.

Job slavery – trying again to post

June 24, 2011

Slavery and potential: I’ve been thinking about jobs and work and lifestyle and where we choose to live. Why, for instance, wouldn’t I go to Nunavut or whatever it’s called, in northern Canada, and live there?

I could live with the natives there, and hunt and fish for a living. That would be a primitive lifestyle and I could live without using government money, in a place where no one would ever come looking for me to force me to pay taxes on each and every animal hide that I tanned, or whatever.

But I would not be able to realize my potential to do things besides just getting food and keeping warm. I want challenges, but not just physical challenges. I want intellectual challenges too.

Here in the USA, I spend every hour working to pay slave bills: taxes and rent (or property tax, which is the same as renting land from the government – you don’t own the land). All day, all I do is make food – which is exactly why people don’t want to live a primitive lifestyle. What do I do? I make food all day long, except I don’t keep my products – I give them to the government and the landlords (who cannot actually own the land, and must themselves also pay rent to the government).

It’s true that I’m physically safer and healthier in some ways in a modern lifestyle. But I am still not able to realize my potential. I cannot learn all the things I want to learn, experience the things I want to experience, or create all the things I want to create.

I don’t have enough time to write this, as I have to get ready for work right now. I’m thinking about it because I really dread going to work. I think there is moldy air coming out of the air vents in the ceiling. Everyone is tired and dopey. I also don’t like the new uniforms. But I don’t have time now, so I’ll write more later. The point is that work has been even more painful and exhausting than usual. And I need to get new shoes again. I got some but they are too big. I want to get a second pair of shoes and wear them inside the first so that I will have a nonslip outer covering (the big shoes) on a pair of shoes that actually fit and are comfortable (the inner shoes). When my feet hurt it’s even harder to stand up and walk around for eight hours.

I swear I will do whatever is necessary to reduce my official job hours as much as I can. I don’t want to live this way and I also want to be able to support my children without relying on my husband’s income. I must breastfeed and stay with the children, which means I can’t work because of our stupid laws against bringing children to work or letting children work and get paid (unless they work on a farm). The illegality of child labor is the reason why people can’t afford children. Children are forbidden to produce anything. Oh well, I have to leave.

Restless and impatient

June 22, 2011

Right now I’m at home writing on my iPod. I’m writing out of frustration and restlessness. I want to do some more work on moving this morning, but I can’t because I have to go in to McDonald’s at 2:00. When I move stuff I get contaminated, usually, and I also get tired and slightly injured from lifting and carrying things, so that my joints and muscles ache for a couple days.

I’ve also been exercising too much, as I overexerted myself with walking all day long on Monday or Tuesday or whichever day it was that I went swimming. My feet hurt so badly the next morning that at first it was hard to stand up, but then they relaxed and I was able to walk. I’ve found out in the past that if I’m eating an unhealthy diet, then it takes longer to recover from exertion.

So I don’t want to get more contaminated or more exhausted right before going to work. So I have to sit here idle and trapped, like someone in jail, unable to do any work.

I’d do some kind of book work – that’s what I’ll be doing in my idle time inthe future – but for several reasons I can’t right now.

Because of my drug residue reactions, I’ve been writing in the forum a lot this week. I got attacked by voices who freaked out because of something rather small and trivial that I said to someone. It was meant to be harmless, but I got bombarded by voices afterwards, and all of that is made worse by having drug residue reactions.

Yesterday I went to Barnes and Noble briefly. I heard someone talking to a group of people. I went over and looked. It was a Rick lookalike, an IEE, instructing a bunch of people on how to use the Nook. I sat nearby and listened, trying to guess his type, and I felt convinced that he had to be IEE. He had a clipped, articulate, clearly enunciated way of speaking, with a voice that was a tiny bit nasal instead of deep and resonant, that I recognized from several men I have known in the past who seemed to be NF types, possibly IEE.

I’ve decided, by the way, that “visual identification” is totally real, and that includes voice recognition as well. And I’m talking about the type of VI where you look at the bone structure of a person’s face and head. I’m not prepared to argue this logically in a way that would convince the disbelievers on the forum, including Rick. There are a lot of people who say that VI is limited to recognizing merely the type’s characteristic emotional expressions, or VI merely refers to “identifying a person’s type from afar without testing them or interacting with them.” I am now in the school of thought that says VI includes both of those, but also refers to identifying someone’s type by looking at their physical body structure. Again, I can’t argue this logically with anybody at this time, but I’ve seen enough to convince me that people who look a certain way also act a certain way, and that includes facial bone structure. Many of the “serious” members of the forum disdain that type of VI. But we also need people to write about and research the personality types and the theory itself, and that is what those people do.

I still feel restless and miserable. I want to do something useful instead of going to work. I can’t wait till my new schedule kicks in. I requested a change – I’ll be working Thurs through Sun, and I’ll have three days off instead of two. It should start a week or two from now. So I’ll be off on Wednesdays. I’ve had that schedule before in the past, usually when I had two jobs. This time I only have one job. The goal is to work as little as possible, as soon as possible, but I will save money to fix my car first. I must have time off to finish sorting through my belongings, and that requires a LOT of time. After a while, after I’ve saved some money, then I’ll go to a three day work schedule. Again, I can’t wait. I also can’t wait for my two week vacation, which will let me finish moving and cleaning up. This waiting is driving me crazy.

Yesterday I took a short walk at the Tudek Park butterfly garden. I saw some other people eating mulberries. I’ve never eaten them before. I tried only a couple, cautiously. I think I had a mild allergic reaction, because they made me want to cough, and then afterwards, I felt slightly sick. So I probably won’t eat mulberries. That’s a shame, because I like any low maintenance plants that produce food, and mulberry trees can just be left alone for years and years. I want to know what happens if you dry out wild raspberries without using preservatives. Are they too hard and crunchy to eat? They would be, like, all seeds and no fruit.

Maybe I’ll go read stuff on the net briefly before work. I just don’t want to exert myself.

I’m sort of ‘hacking’ the library computer right now

June 21, 2011

The first time this happened, it was an accident.  The library computers have a user login screen.  You are supposed to type in your library card number, and then hit ‘enter’ or whatever the ‘yes’ button says, and then, on the next screen, type in a four digit pin number.  One day I accidentally hit ‘yes’ or ‘enter’ or whatever without typing anything in.  Still, it proceeded to the screen where you type in your pin number.  I typed in my library card number on that screen (still confused, I did this by accident), and then, it logged me in.  I never typed my pin number.  So I did this again today, except I just hit ‘yes’ without typing anything at all, and then hit ‘yes’ again on the next screen, without typing anything at all, and it let me log in.

What’s the significance of this trivial ‘hack?’  Well, I am deliberately trying to limit the time I spend online.  The library gives you two hours per day, or something like that.  It gives you one hour at a time, and then logs you out, and then you can log back in again and get the second hour.  I think that’s how it goes, but I’m confused now, because on this default login that I’m in right now, it gave me two whole hours right away from the beginning.  Now I can’t remember what it usually does when I log in the official way.  Anyway, this hack enables me to get more than my ‘fair share’ of two hours a day.  I can probably do a ‘blank’ login over and over again, and get more and more hours, which means my time is unlimited.  I can violate my self-imposed internet restriction that way.  I will now be tempted to break the rule and waste too much time on the internet.  However, I’m still somewhat inconvenienced and uncomfortable because of being in a public place, so I won’t be totally free with my internet use.  I just like to have a limit – it forces me to focus on doing one particular thing and then leaving.  If I don’t have a limit, I won’t focus much.

Nick Cave sings the song ‘O Children’ that Harry and Hermione are dancing to

June 20, 2011

I looked up some of the lyrics, what little of them I could hear, and I found this song.  It’s kind of a weird and interesting, deep song, something an NF personality type might write.  http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/nickcavethebadseeds/ochildren.html

I thought the name ‘Nick Cave’ sounded familiar.  Well, I was right, he was who I thought he was.  I had heard his name before while reading about Warren Ellis, when I was looking at photos of men who grew long hair and kept it long even while going bald.  I’ve written several posts about this, and some people have been finding my posts about Warren Ellis and reading them, and reading my opinions about baldness – if I had more time, and if I had a specific goal to achieve, I would write more, and research more, about long hair, because that is one of my favorite topics, but I’ve been too busy doing other things lately to write about hair.  I also don’t necessarily want to try to ‘change the whole world,’ but instead, I would focus more on telling a small group of people to grow their hair the way that I like, and let everyone else do what they want.

So anyway, Nick Cave is someone who worked with Warren Ellis.  It was an interesting coincidence.  I don’t know what the song means, but it reminds me of the Nazis coming to get the Jewish people out of their houses to take them to the prison camps.  The song says ‘there ain’t nothing we can do to protect you’ (the children).  I understand that.  The adults can’t protect the children anymore.  It’s something I can relate to, because of my own experiences, because nobody is able to protect me against the things that I need protection from.  And the Harry Potter characters were on their own, far away from their parents and the rest of the wizarding world, without any guidance, without Dumbledore, all by themselves, trying to solve a mystery.

I’ll be watching the last movie when it comes out in July, of course.  Probably, I’ll watch it several times.

Emptied more stuff out of storage closet; went swimming and walking

June 20, 2011

Same as last week.  I got up early this morning and worked on getting stuff out of the storage closet.  I’ve gotten a lot out of there, and the few things that are left are boxes full of unsorted papers.  Most likely, I will put them in the other storage unit instead of sorting through them right now, to save time.  I feel relieved that the apartment’s storage closet is getting close to being empty; however, there is still junk scattered all over the inside of the apartment.  It isn’t really much, but at the same time, it’s lots of little things, and each one has to be picked up, handled, looked at, thought about, judged, and moved someplace, one by one.  My eyes scan over the piles of junk, and I feel as though there’s nothing really big that has to be moved out; but all those junk piles have dozens of random things in them, two years’ worth.

I usually get sick and exhausted after sorting through old belongings.  There are various chemicals on them, and not all of it is the drug residues.  There are some other chemicals there as well.  Several years ago I dusted my apartment with flea powder to try to kill parasitic mites, probably mange, that I was getting from the cats.  That flea powder got into the air and landed on a lot of my books and other belongings, and it makes me exhausted.  Flea powders and other pesticides cause extremely severe fatigue and exhaustion.

So I usually get extremely tired after moving only a few things out of the storage closet.  I had to take a break.  So I opened up one last box and looked inside it, so that I would know what was the next task to do, and then I left.

I went to Howard Dam again – I guess it’s called Foster Joseph Sayers Dam, or Bald Eagle State Park, or Blanchard Reservoir.  Whatever.  I don’t live there, so I don’t know what the locals call it.  The Dam.

I went walking down some butterfly trails.  There weren’t a lot of ‘real’ butterflies, but I saw some of the small, boring butterflies, like those generic white ones.  There weren’t a lot of flowers there today.  I don’t know if they actually plant flowers there or what.  I was sort of disappointed by the butterfly trail, because I’ve seen one elsewhere that I really liked – the one at Tudek Park in State College.  That one has a wide variety of flowers, and a lot of people walk there, and people are allowed to plant their own flowers in some places, in a community garden.  The butterfly trail at Howard Dam was very isolated, and hardly anyone was walking on it.  They don’t have a ‘bring your own flowers’ section there either.

I went walking farther than before, because there was a boat parked right in my ‘secluded little cove’ where I had gone swimming last week.  I had to find another secluded little cove.  While walking and exploring, I waded in the water by the edge – I was barefoot this whole time, and walked several miles barefoot over grass, stones, gravel, asphalt, dirt, plants and weeds, thorn bushes (only a couple!) and water.  It felt like several miles, but it might have been much shorter than that, actually.  It took a long time, and I was there from about 11 AM until 4:30 PM or so, just walking and swimming.

While wading in the water, I was videotaping a fish that looked like it was injured.  It was swimming in the shallow water and not swimming away when I approached, and it had a big white spot on the side of its body.  I think they get hit by motorboats.  There are occasionally dead fish floating around.  So I was videotaping this fish, and just as I shut off my camera and started to put it back in my pocket, a watersnake swam right across where I had been filming, and I just missed it!  I turned the camera back on, and all I got was some footage of the snake hiding underneath a big bush, peeking its head out, and then vanishing.

I finally found a secluded place where there weren’t any boats parked.  I took off my clothes again – the nudity ritual – this is the required activity.  My new half-joking, half-serious rule is:  if you’re not walking barefoot, then you’re not really walking, and if you’re not swimming nude, you’re not really swimming.  Those are only joking unofficial rules.  I still need shoes and clothes elsewhere.  So I set the clothes by the edge of the water.  I was next to a couple of small trees, surrounded by high grass and high plants, with woods behind me.  I set my clothes down and got into the water when it seemed like there were no boats nearby.

I don’t do the type of swimming where you raise your arms out of the water and splash.  I just did very quiet doggy paddling.  Then, when my arms get tired, I change my stroke, so that I’m waving my arms back and forth in a serpentine S-curve, like slaloming down a hill while skiing, so that I make the most out of the stroke by covering the largest possible distance for each stroke.  Then, when I get tired from doing that, I sometimes switch to swimming on my back, which is the easiest – if you ever get shipwrecked, try floating on your back, because it requires the least amount of effort.  I can just move my arms a little bit, or almost not at all, and just kick.  Kicking is easy, because my legs are in shape from walking all the time, but paddling with my arms is tiring, because my arms are weak and I don’t use them for anything that requires strength or endurance.  So my arms get tired very quickly, while my legs still have lots of energy.  I don’t go far from the shore – in fact, I often swim in water that is shallow enough that I could kneel in it and my head would be above water.  I often just crawl through the water by grabbing onto the ground and pulling myself along while gently kicking.

I love to see myself as a mermaid, or a naiad – a mythical creature, something special and wonderful, something non-human.  I fantasize that someone would see me there swimming, but it wouldn’t be some leering jerk, it would be someone who appreciated the mythical, mystical feeling of it, someone who would almost believe that I really was a mermaid.

I don’t necessarily want to be a mermaid, but rather, I want someone to appreciate how human it is to be in the water.  I read about ‘the aquatic ape theory,’ a theory that says humans originally lived in, or at the edge of, the water, all the time, and that we are naturally made to live in the water.  Being in the water, and hunting for shellfish underwater, feels so natural and healthy to me that I believe it’s true, it’s where we were meant to be.  I like to imagine us living in the water all the time, swimming every day, hunting for food there, and never being separated for long from the water.  I like to imagine my tribe, my people, being there with me.

There are some informational signs around the park.  I was reading about ducks and what they eat and how they swim, dive, fly, and migrate.  They said that some ducks were eating clams at the bottom of the lake.  I didn’t know if they meant that this particular lake actually had clams at the bottom, but I was curious to find out.  I didn’t go looking for them, because, at the time when I was swimming, I hadn’t read that sign yet.  I read the sign after getting out of the water.  I’m interested in food.  I would want to eat the clams too.

I ate wild black raspberries that weren’t completely ripe yet, but they weren’t too sour, and I could tolerate them.  Nothing on earth makes me hungrier than swimming.  I have never really felt extremely, ravenously hungry, except after swimming, and that was true today.  So I was obsessing about food and picking raspberries, and the raspberries worked well to slightly comfort me until I could get in the car and go get food.

While I was swimming on my back, I couldn’t see where I was going, and I stopped briefly to take a break and look around.  When I looked around, I suddenly saw a deer drinking from the water, only about twenty feet away.  It didn’t get scared or run away from me.

At one point, I hid inside a bush hanging over the water, because a boat was going by.  I could probably have just sat there with my head sticking out of the water, but it was more fun, and felt more secure, to hide inside the bush and peek out through the leaves and branches.

I want to live a more self-reliant life, foraging for food, and growing a small number of plants, and possibly, living without wheat and other grains.  I’ve been reading Ramiel Nagel’s book, and he talks about Weston Price (as always, he doesn’t mention any dangers associated with the diet, like all the other authors), and he mentions some things WP didn’t know.  We’ve discovered that pretty much all grains are able to cause osteoporosis and cavities, even if you do the things that the WP book says you can do to reduce the poisons in them – the phytic acid and whatever else is in there.  I will definitely learn to eat insects.  Insects are one of the most important foods that will help people be self-reliant and also will help feed large numbers of people without land or farming.  Even vegetarians might not feel bad about eating insects, because they are not much like the animals who express feelings that we are able to recognize (although bugs have feelings too, and I don’t want to torture them).

After a little bit longer, I went back and found my clothes – I got scared for a few minutes because I couldn’t find them.  But I found them and then walked back.  It took a long time to walk back.  I was starving.  A park ranger drove by while I was walking (fully clothed) and asked me if I was okay, because I was barefoot and walking down one of the more isolated roads where people don’t usually walk much.  I said I was okay, I was just walking and hiking along the water and on the paths, and taking pictures.  He asked if I saw any critters, and I told him about the deer and the water snake.  I also saw some frogs at the frog pond, but I forgot to mention them.  I told him I was okay, and he drove off.  He was very nice and friendly.

I want to try this out, living a more and more self-reliant life, where I need less and less government money to survive.  Then, once I’ve gotten used to it, once I’ve gotten the bugs worked out, I want to bring other people along with me.

I was eating the wild raspberries and calculating how many bushes I would need to feed me for a year, if I tried drying out the berries and eating them in the winter.  I imagined that I might eat a hundred berries in one day.  (I think that was the number, I forget!)  Maybe it was 200.  Yeah, it was 200.  I was estimating this in my head, so I did 200 x 365 = about 80,000 berries in one year.  That’s probably not enough, but it gave me a rough idea.  One bush might produce about 100 berries.  So I might need 800 bushes.  I was imagining how big of a space that would require.  It wouldn’t be much.  Those are extremely rough estimates, and in reality, I might eat a lot more berries, or a lot fewer, and each bush might produce a very different number than I estimated.  I would just need a clear space, and I would fill it with hundreds of transplanted wild raspberry bushes that I would totally neglect – no pesticides, no herbicides, no fertilizers.  If I put any fertilizers there, it would just be organic stuff, compost or something.  I’d also love to plant wild blueberries – not the big, tasteless, domesticated kind, but the tiny ones.  You can buy those in the frozen section at the store, in bags.

I must still be hungry right now, because I’m enjoying this food obsession way too much.  I will have to go home and eat.  But anyway, I don’t want to be totally alone in my wild life.  I want to bring someone along with me, and have my children that way.  I will not isolate my children – they will read books and they will meet other children, but they won’t watch television, and I don’t want them to go to public school.  Unfortunately, if you don’t go to public school, it’s hard for you to meet a wide variety of people so that you can make friends and fall in love; and so, I want more and more people to join me so that we will have a variety of people in our tribe.

But I can’t actually invite anyone to join me in my lifestyle, until and unless I am actually LIVING this lifestyle.  That begins with living in my car.  I’ve also been talking to a guy at work who is interested in motorized bicycles, and I’m getting interested in that idea.  You can drive certain kinds of motorized cycles legally without a license or registration.  I don’t always want to pedal a bike.  He’s very interested in this and he’s always talking about it, and after hearing him, I’ve been getting into it too.  However, it’s hard to drive something like that in the winter.  You’d have to take the bus in the winter.  But I’m not worried about it – I still have my car right now.  I haven’t switched to using anything else except a car yet.  But it would be ideal to have ways of traveling without a license and without registration and without spending tens of thousands of dollars on the vehicle.  Anything that can help me get ‘off the grid’ is good.

That’s all for now.  I had a little bit more progress on the cleanup, and an enjoyable day at the park, and that’s all I’ve done today.

Why you should never, ever put honey mustard sauce into a 4-piece McNugget box and give it to a customer

June 16, 2011

So we had one of those days at McDonald’s. A couple people called off sick, and we were very busy and everyone was under a lot of stress.

We ran out of the little packets of honey mustard sauce that you dip nuggets in. So they told me to just tell the customers we were out of it if anyone tried to order any. So I told this one lady in drive thru that we were out of honey mustard, and she sounded all disappointed, and wouldn’t take any other kind of sauce but that. Honey mustard, and only honey mustard, would do. That should have been a sign to me that this lady wasn’t easy to please. But no, I had a brilliant idea for how I could give her honey mustard sauce anyway, and I went ahead with my plan.

I asked the grill team guys to get the honey mustard from the bottle, and put it into a 4-piece nuggets box. We actually had a different kind of honey mustard which we put into squeeze bottles so that the grill team can put it on the sandwiches and wraps, but we were just out of the kind that comes in the convenient little dipping packs.

So they did that for me, and they put the nugget boxes full of honey mustard into the bag with all her other stuff. I was in a hurry because I had other orders waiting in line behind her, so I didn’t get to tell her that we had given her the sauce in those boxes.

A few minutes later, the manager told me not to do that anymore. I asked him why, what happened. The lady had grabbed the nugget boxes quickly, with too much force, and had sprayed honey mustard all over the place. Nobody had warned her that we were giving her the sauce in boxes. I didn’t get to actually see this happen. The manager made a spraying fountain gesture, as though the honey mustard had erupted like a volcano. Apparently it was pretty bad. She came in and complained, and when he offered to give her her money back; she refused to take it. Then she left.

A few minutes later, she called on the phone, but no one answered, because we were so busy and the manager was in the middle of something and couldn’t get to the phone. She called again and he answered. She then complained about the fact that he hadn’t answered the phone he first time, and THEN she complained because she had gotten home and found that there wasn’t a straw in the bag. So that’s why she called on the phone. I heard him talking on the phone with her. He said (about the lack of straws inthe bag) “So, that was the icing on the cake – or, the sauce on the nugget, so to speak.” He got off the phone and did a facepalm, and told me why she had called on the phone after having already complained in person at the front counter.

I was mortified by all this because it was my fault. However, I also could not help thinking it was extremely funny. And so, when the next customer ordered honey mustard, and I had to tell him we were out of it, I started laughing uncontrollably and could not speak over the headset. He got to the window and said, “What’s so funny?” in a friendly way. I apologized to him and told him the story of the exploding nugget boxes. Afterwards, I continued laughing every time someone ordered nuggets, and had this ominous feeling of anticipation every time I asked them what kind of sauce they wanted and waited for their answer. If it was honey mustard, uncontrollable hilarity.

I don’t know what the manager thinks. We like each other and get along well, but he’s the one who had to answer the phone and deal with the lady. He is probably slightly annoyed at me, but also annoyed that she made such a big deal out of it too. Still, I don’t think I will live this one down for a while.

Fresh air deep in the woods. I don’t have to live a modern life.

June 15, 2011

I had a wonderful experience yesterday, but I’m thumbing my iPod at work, so i can’t type fast enough to tell it all in detail. I’m on my lunch break.

Yesterday after doing some more work on getting stuff out of the storage closet at my apartment, I wanted to take a break again. I decided to go see Super 8 again at the movies. I saw it Monday and LOVED it. It’s even better if the theatre is full of people who are laughing along with you. When you leave the theatre, strangers look at you and smile. It’s a feel good movie. The main character, Joe Lamb, is an EII personality type. I loved him. The writer of the movie must be an EII too.

But I was on my way to the theater, and I suddenly turned right instead of left, and went to look for water snakes at the fish hatchery. There were no snakes. I then went down a very long path that I’ve never walked down before, deep into the woods.

I walked very far, beside the creek. I would tell the whole story but I don’t have time. It was beautiful. It made me desire so intensely to go live in the woods with a hunter gatherer lifestyle, which is what I’ve been longing for all this time. I want to have my babies in the woods, not in a house.

After I left, I still went to the movie again afterwards.

Today at work, during the most stressful moments, “they” suddenly made me remember how it felt to be in the woods. The air is fresh. Air in the forest is full of negative ions, which is why fresh air makes you feel good. I remembered the green dark light under the trees as the sun shone through the branches. I remembered wondering whichplants were edible. I would do it. I will make whatever sacrifices I must make to live my life the way I want. It’s a gradual process. But I remembered that feeling while I was here at work and I realized, I don’t have to be doing all this. I don’t have to be here in this noisy place, wearing a uniform, letting the government steal taxes out of my paycheck so that they can kill Iraqis and Afghans and Libyans and everyone. I don’t have to live this way. And I want to bring others along with me.

went swimming

June 13, 2011

This is a quick post, since I only have ten minutes left, on my second login session at the library, so I can’t log out and log back in again.

Today when I got up, I went to Howard Dam.  I went there a few days ago while finding out about camping rates.  I went there again and wandered around at the beach.  There were Amish people there.  If I had time, I’d tell more about them.  The women waded into the water while tightly holding the bottom hems of their dresses to keep the dresses out of the water.  They had to remain dressed and protect their modesty, unlike the boys, who were wearing ordinary swimming trunks (I didn’t know that Amish boys were allowed to wear ordinary swimming trunks).  I don’t know if the girls EVER go in the water, or if they just weren’t allowed to go this time.  I felt sad when I saw that they couldn’t go swimming, but had to stay dressed and modest.

I waded around the corner and left the official beach area, and went to a more secluded ‘unofficial’ area.  It wasn’t surrounded by the floating ropes and buoys that say you’re allowed to swim there.  I went to where no one could see me, and I took off my clothes and went swimming nude.  Going naked outdoors is becoming a strong part of my ideology, my official philosophy.  It is the heart and soul and spirit of my personal religion.  It was wonderful.

I got home and read about parasites, because I know I will be getting them, and I don’t know how bad they will be.  I’ve had something that I thought was parasites in the past, too, and it made me very sick for a long time.  Merely going swimming or wading is usually the way I get them.  But I don’t want to avoid swimming.  It was the most fun I’ve had in a long time, although it was sad that I was alone.  I envied the Amish people for being in a large group with their family and children.  I don’t have that.

The descriptions of parasites were terrible.  I’m not afraid of them in a phobic way, like, for instance, I’m not frantically cutting myself open to try to remove the parasites myself, or anything like that.  But I want to know how people tolerate them and survive.  How can recurring parasitic infestations be managed in developing countries, where they must be getting parasites all the time?  I’ve read about herbal treatments, but I don’t want to try them because of the toxic side effects, so anything that I do would be extremely cautious.  I’m going to just observe my symptoms – and yes, I do have some symptoms that I’m keeping an eye on.

But anyway, going out there and doing that made me really strongly desire to have a group of people who agree with me, people who are helping me live the way I want to live and eat the foods I want to eat and live off the land, live without money.  I want to be able to survive without using the government’s money.

Time’s up…

Throwing away stuff in the storage closet; saw X-Men and Adjustment Bureau

June 7, 2011

I’ve gone through a bunch more stuff.  I threw quite a few bags of things away.  Some of it was contaminated clothing.  Some of it was miscellaneous objects that weren’t sentimental.  I’m keeping the sentimental items even if they are contaminated, and I will decide what to do with them later.  I’m taking pictures of a lot of the stuff I throw away, because I want to remember it, and so I can have some vague idea of how much this has cost me.  It doesn’t hurt as badly as it used to when I throw things away.  I’m actually glad to be rid of a lot of it.

However, I do have a lot of stress while doing this, mostly because I get exposed to various chemicals while handling all of the stuff.  Some of my belongings have black mold dust still on them, and I get fatigued when I am handling them, and I get so exhausted, I have to take a break.  I have to take lots of breaks while sorting through things.  That is the reason why I ended up going and seeing a couple movies lately.

I usually don’t go and see a lot of movies in the theater.  However, when I am going through a very stressful time period, I do.  I remember going and seeing the Half-Blood Prince over and over in 2009 when I was moving out of my apartment, if I recall correctly – I think that was the right time period when that movie was in theaters.  So, just recently, I have seen Pirates of the Caribbean – On Stranger Tides (twice), X-Men – First Class, and The Adjustment Bureau.

I got the idea to see Adjustment Bureau from someone in the 16types forum.  A guy named Jarno recommended it.  I found that in the ‘unanswered threads’ section.  I should write an answer to it now that I’ve seen the movie.  I googled it and saw that it was about escaping from an evil system that controls everything you do, and the description strongly resembled electronic harassment.  I was correct – I LOVED the movie.  It even made me cry a couple times.  I would have loved it even more if I didn’t have to go to the bathroom while I was watching it.  I couldn’t leave the movie, even for a second, to go to the bathroom – I didn’t want to miss a single moment.  Now that I’m not drinking caffeine, this isn’t usually a problem, but it was today, for whatever reason.  I drank a lot before going to the movie.  I might watch it again if I get a chance.

I talked to Mom on the phone again today.  She wasn’t quite as upset as last time, but she is still begging me not to move into my car.  However, I feel better about this decision than I ever did about anything.  I want to do it at least for a while, at least long enough to save a little bit of money for once, without working a second job (while not getting any sleep, being forced awake every couple hours and then lying awake for two or three hours every time they wake me up).  I just can’t work a second job – it’s too exhausting.  However, when I am settled down, I will once again look for jobs doing bookkeeping.  The lawnmower guy hasn’t been talking to me, and I get the feeling he would rather do it later on when the busy season is over.  We can just go through the backlog later, if he still wants to contact me later on.  I think he has put a mental bookmark on this – I know how it is when it’s not the right time for something because you’re too busy.  He was extremely busy and overwhelmed.

I’m out of time…

I walked in to some of the campgrounds around here to see how much they cost.  Guess what?  Camping in a campground COSTS MORE THAN LIVING IN MY APARTMENT!  If you lived there a month, it would cost more.  That’s insane.  ‘Insane’ was the word I used to describe all the campground prices.  So, camping at a campground is not an option.

More later.

Oops.

June 5, 2011

Copy paste error. Don’t know if that one posted.

Keeping the hat very loose is the key. It has to be so loose it’s almost falling off my head. The only problem is I can’t hear when the band goes over my ears. It only goes down over the upper earlobes though.

I’m thinking excitedly of living in my car, and then, living without a car. I want to go farther and farther, deeper into this world of extremes.

•Is this a bullet point? I love bullet points. I didn’t know my iPod could do that.
•••••••••••••••••••••
Today: I smelled fear when he said hello to me: it took courage. He had an adrenaline rush. This is because everyone is talking happily to the other girl, who has much better memory recall than I do, and as such, can make conversation easily by remembering every detail of every thing she has ever done, every place she has ever been, and every thing that has ever happened to her. I have horrible memory recall for some reason, although, perversely, I was the only student in my fourth grade class who successfully remembered, and flawlessly recited, the entire “The Wreck of the Hesperus” from memory. Even so, i cannot remember people’s names or what I ate for breakfast yesterday (unless it was something horribly toxic that I never will eat again).

Now that my position is lost, I cannot talk to him in an intimate or possessive or assuming way, when she is near and when he has been talking with her. And I like her very much. Every time I hear her or talk to her I’m aware that I like her. But she lowers my status greatly.

So, not by choice, but because of strong feelings, I could not speak much to him. In fact I felt the urge to cry again. I was silent and numb like a robot as I did my work without looking at him. It was hard not to cry. I think this is, once again, a shared feeling or secondhand feeling. I am partly receiving this feeling from him. I can smell his fear so I can probably smell the urge to cry also. I am not avoiding him intentionally. I just don’t have the power to assertively claim some kind of rights to him, to demand that he must look at me or talk to me. She is much easier to talk to. I know that he feels badly about my being of lower status and he doesn’t want it to be that way. If I had any relationship with him it would be private, not in a social context, and it wouldn’t matter how we acted in public. We would be of value to each other and not threatened by other people who talk to us socially.

“Obsessing over the nearest random person” is what I have to do for the time being. When I don’t have a crush on anyone at all it’s like starving to death, and I have to eat something even though it is not a complete relationship.

Today a little boy came up to the counter and asked me why we had videocameras. I like the word “why.” So I started answering him. I explained the answer, and he asked if someone can see it back in the office if someone robbed the cashiers, and I said yes. “But why don’t they just make a… (looking around) coffee squirter?” and he mimed squirting hot coffee at the bad guys. I laughed. His dad came along and told him to stop. He said “Or an ice cream squirter.” I laughed and giggled again. His dad told him once again to stop because they were getting ready to order. But I was enjoying the conversation. It was the best conversation I had all day. I recognize an intuitive when I see one. Or I assume that’s what he was. Why, why, why.

Walk through Bellefonte; Waffle Shop; dreadlock hairstyle fails badly

June 5, 2011

I woke up this morning to the sound of someone laughing hilariously in my dream. I tried to figure out what was funny, and I think it was because in the previous post I described putting my hair in pigtails like Pippi Longstocking. Well, unfortunately that hairstyle was a fail. It looked like it worked, but it ended up pulling too hard on the hair in a different area on top of my head, instead of pulling too much on the sides. It actually pulled really badly and it hurt later on.

I might have been able to pull off a Pippi Longstocking look. I never saw those movies so I don’t know what personality type she was.

I’m sick this morning. I got sicker and sicker throughout the day yesterday after eating the “Angry Whopper” at Burger King. I normally don’t eat the large meat sandwiches, the thick ones. I only eat the thin ones. I don’t know if it doesnt cook well enough inside the thick ones, or whether maybe they just sit in the cabinet too long because they aren’t as popular, but for whatever reason, I’ve always gotten slightly sick from the larger burgers and not the small ones. Not badly. It tends to happen at BK and also McD.

The Indian lady from another store is temporarily at our store. Yesterday she told us what some of our names sound like in her language. One person’s name means “bucket,” another one is “pimple,” and when I asked her what my name sounded like, she had to think really hard – apparently my name doesn’t sound exactly like anything, so it was a stretch – but finally she said it sounded like “paint.” Several days ago, another employee had done a perfect imitation of her name, spoken in her accent, and it sounded just like another word, which I myself hadn’t noticed until he said it that way, and I laughed. I didn’t quite have the heart to tell her that her name sounds like “bullshit.” (Baljeet.)

There’s someone who reminds me of myself and who might be a SLI, but I’m not sure. She is more outgoing than I am, and also, young, pretty, healthy, and nice. I can’t help liking her, but also I can’t be friends with her. She might not be a SLI, but she has a blank facial expression and is socially slightly out of place, just a tiny bit. She isn’t a blatant nonconformist and antisocial like I am, so she still somewhat fits in, and everyone likes her. Her method of cooking at home sounds just like mine: she tries weird random experiments without following any instructions, and sometimes they’re a disaster, and sometimes they’re great.

I even like her boyfriend, but I’m not sure if he’s a dual. He might be a mirage relation. (I think some websites called it “illusionary.”) Whatever he was, I was attracted to him too, and whenever he was around I would talk to him excitedly in a voice much louder than my usual voice. I liked him from the first instant that I saw him, when I didn’t know who he was and hadn’t spoken with him before.

When she is around, I feel that my social/sexual status is much lower. There are other pretty girls there, but she is the only one whose personality seems to resemble mine, so she feels like a competitor. There was another suspected SLI but she’s not working here anymore, and I didn’t get the same feeling of competition with her anyway.

So anyway this person is back again and it will be pretty obvious who she is. When she is here, I feel much older, sicker, uglier, and more bitter and negative and cynical. I feel lower in status and less important. I have to remind myself that I still exist and I am of value as a person, and think of things that make me feel better. I had something I used to think of, but I forget what it was. It doesn’t help if you tell yourself something like “I’ll always be better than her” or things like that. You know that’s it not true. Whatever you say, it has to be true.

This wouldn’t be a problem if I had my own friends and social circle. I would know that I was loved and accepted somewhere. But instead I have chosen total isolation. I used to tell myself that I had my own niche and it was different from the competitor’s niche. I had a way of seeing it that made me feel better. All that matters is my own happiness, and I still have to do all the things I have to do.

I’m writing on my iPod at home after waking up. I tend to do this a lot more if I’m sick or having a drug reaction. The reason for disconnecting from the net wasn’t to permanently stop me from blogging. It just prevents me from spending a HUGE amount of time online doing things like obsessing over Rick (and whoever the next crush will be). I am still able to spend a while blogging on my iPod, typing much more slowly.

I’m going to struggle once again to find a hairstyle that I can tolerate. It’s odd how when your hair is growing long, you don’t notice it’s long until all of a sudden it’s bothering you a lot. My dreadlocks are growing very slowly, but I’ve had them for two and a half years now, and all of a sudden they are becoming difficult to deal with. It’s because the mature locks, at the roots, are at a length where they reach the ponytail holder at the back of the neck. Before, the only thing in a ponytail or braid was the loose hair at the ends. Now the mature locks themselves are long enough to get braided, and they are thick and stiff and don’t bend easily like loose hair. And this problem of pulling too hard on the roots is a major problem that I cannot ignore, because of traction alopecia. So I will keep working on it, but I might have very messy hair for a while until I solve the problem.

Tomorrow I will clean up more of the house and throw out some stuff that’s been sitting in plastic bags in the bathroom.

I was reading an article on kitco.com about how a new rule will allow gold to be used as collateral for loans to governments. Then they listed a bunch of countries and showed how much gold each one had. The USA has probably almost the most gold in the world, but I didn’t see how much gold China has. This is the reason why people trust the dollar and why the USA can borrow and print so much money, and also the reason why we can build war machines and take them to foreign countries and kill people with them. If the USA were broken into smaller pieces, and if none of the small pieces had so much gold, then we would be much less able to make war. But I don’t know how to break apart the USA.

Utah made a rule explicitly allowing people to use gold and silve coins as money if they want to. It’s nice that they are allowing it. There was a raid on the Liberty Dollar people a few years ago, and they took a lot of the coins from them. I forget the rationale they had for that. The gold and silver coins are worth much more than the official spot price of the metals. If silver is $36 an ounce, a one ounce silver coin is still worth more than just $36. This is hard to explain. But the idea was that supposedly the Liberty Dollars weren’t allowed to be used as money, or something, and they were encouraging people to spend them. I would be reluctant to spend them unless their value was greatly increased, like maybe to $100 an ounce or more. “Reluctance to spend” is an important piece of information which is contained in precious metals. Precious metal coins carry information. If you have a coin, it implies that you gave away something of value, or that you stole the coin (which takes effort, skill, and risk), or that you mined it from the ground (which again is costly). Printed money doesn’t imply those things.

Gold is behind the dollar, but only for other governments, not for private citizens. People trust the US debt because they know the government’s gold is collateral if all else fails. However, private citizens cannot get gold as payment for the money they lend to the government. Only if you are a foreign country, and you’ve lent money to the USA, can you expect that gold might possibly pay you back if all else fails.

What does it mean to “buy someone’s debt?”

A bond, for instance, is a piece of paper, and it is a debt. Someone gives you “cash” and they get this piece of paper in return. You just bought a piece of paper from someone. That paper says that they will repay you someday.

You can buy a bunch of different bonds from different countries. Then you can try to sell all these bonds to someone and say “Greece owes me money, so I’m gonna be rich someday.” And they say, “Greece probably won’t be able to pay you back. I’m not buying any of your bonds from Greece.” You’re hoping that someday they will all pay you back, but their money might be worthless if it has too much inflation. They might also just default and not pay people at all.

So the new rule says that if all else fails, countries can repay other countries with gold.

I still didn’t explain in detail what it means to “buy someone’s debt.” I’d rather write that on a keyboard, not an iPod. It requires a lot of thinking. I’d look it up and read things to get an idea how to explain it. It’s a confusing concept to imagine “buying someone’s debt.”

Other countries could make it illegal to use or save dollars. They could demand that if the USA wants to buy any of their exports, the USA must give them gold instead of paper. That would graually make the USA have less and less gold, unless they stopped buying from foreign countries, and started producing things themselves. However, other countries don’t want to just make the US stop buying everything completely. But they want something of value in exchange for their products. Everyone implicitly imagines that the “gold used as collateral” rule will apply to “everyone except the USA.” Everyone knows it’s only referring to those “poor” countries whose promises to pay are no longer trusted.

Why? Because no one can enforce any rule against the US, except China. Only China by itself can demand that the US pay them in gold. Other countries don’t have a strong enough military by themselves to threaten the US. They would have to group together against the US. (I won’t say “against us” because I do not include myself as part of the US military. I would actually prefer to call the US government “them,” but that would be too confusing. I am not connected to the government or the military, and I do not want to say “us” or “we” when I refer to them.)

There might be others besides China, but China is the first one I think of. They can survive without the US buying their products. It would be sort of interesting to watch China draining the US supply of gold. I would watch it in a bitter way. I know what it would mean. It would be a historically huge event and a major change in world power. If only the US would stop invading other countries and killing people, this wouldn’t be necessary. If only they would leave others alone, but no, they cannot. They could keep their gold and do what they want to their own money supply. But they insist on continuing to invade all of the vulnerable and unstable countries in the middle east and Africa.

I’m a little sick and hesitant to eat, but I’m going to the Waffle Shop this morning. This could be either a great idea or a terrible idea.

Some guys at work were talking about sucking dicks. Then they said “What would Nicole think?” as in “You should be ashamed of yourself for talking about this in front of her.” I answered them by saying “…You don’t want to know what I would think.” I was tempted to tell the truth, which was that I was enjoying the discussion, but I’m already creepy enough as it is.

Then again, I also like people who don’t talk about those things, too. I like different people in different ways for different reasons. Now I am learning to recognize which functions people are using when they talk and joke around. I know why I’m not able to joke around with them when they playfully insult each other – that is my biggest weakness, not being able to play along with a group of people bantering. They make me laugh, and a lot of it is funny to me, but I can’t think of those things myself. I have other strengths that are less visible.

Let my vacation come soon. If it isn’t on the schedule for next week, I will ask about it. I only need it to happen before July 29th, but actually, if it could be sooner, that would help. As always, I put higher priority on survival than I do on relationships. There is always a reason to postpone the relationships even longer due to worries about money or the apartment or my job or drug residues or whatever. I don’t want to postpone it forever.

Yes, I am still noticing the particular person who I’ve been paying attention to lately, but now that I’m not having such a reaction to my uniform, it doesn’t put me into the blatantly sexual mode that I was in before, so I can interact with him more calmly.

I went to the waffle shop and I’m waiting to order. This is definitely a bad idea. I’m very hungry and sick at the same time and it will be a miracle if I can eat more than two bites without puking. I don’t know if I have a virus or food poisoning, but it started yesterday and it’s still bad. I’ve been craving real eggs and that’s why I’m here.

I had a hard time finding a place to park, so I parked along the street. It is generally known that the parking meters are not enforced in Bellefonte. Nobody ever puts coins in them. They’re everywhere, but I always see them blinking “expired” even when cars are there, so I just do the same thing everybody else is doing.

I wasn’t able to eat while I was in the restaurant, but shortly after I left, I was able to finish most of the food in my take out box. I wanted more eggs – two wasn’t enough. I definitely have an egg craving right now. I used to buy deviled (the autocorrect thinks I’m trying to say “reviled” eggs, but I don’t hate them, I love them!) eggs at Lyken’s, but they stopped selling them. Reviled eggs? Yuck!

I took a short walk through Bellefonte. For some reason, old crumbling buildings are more interesting than clean perfect new ones. Little birds landed in the gravel and walked around. Swallows circled overhead – not the barnswallows with the v-shaped tails, but the other ones. A group of apartments in a brick building were hidden in a dark nook behind some trees and a parking lot, with steps going up the outside of the building, in between some other buildings. I looked in a door and saw a gym that I never knew was there, with people walking on treadmills. I don’t normally walk in Bellefonte but I usually like it when I do. I’m refusing to bond with Bellefonte too.

I have to work today, but I’m looking to a future where I can work much fewer hours. That is all I want. Then I can learn and study and have adventures again. I might be able to bond with people and have real friends.

Dang ipod typos

June 4, 2011

“to yeah it to myself”
“to teach it to myself”

Dreadlocks braided; envy

June 4, 2011

I’m still struggling to find a way to keep my hair pulled back in a hat comfortably for eight hours. Usually after being at work a while, I have pulled and yanked and adjusted my hair so many times it’s hanging halfway out of the bun in big stringy loops. Today I’m braiding it in two pigtails on the sides, and then tying the two pigtails together into one bun on the back. I’m trying to stop pulling on the hair located at the temples of my head. I already have a sort of mild receding hairline and something that looks like mild traction alopecia. I first noticed it when I was in my mid-twenties. It got worse at age 30.

I’m thinking about what I’m going to do when I move out. I’d like to actually have a tiny little squatter shack made out of bales of straw. I’d ride my bike to it so it could be hidden someplace where people wouldn’t disturb it.

I’ve been envying Rick – he’s traveling right now. My life has gone so badly wrong for such a long time, and I have lost so much money and so many opportunities. I wish I’d had better schooling when I was young. I wish someone had known what was wrong with me when I started having problems in 6th grade or so. I wish I had been able to take classes that were challenging and useful. I wish I had been taught skills that I could have used in a job, and I wish I had been taught about business and money at a much earlier age instead of having to yeah it to myself as an adult while working at minimum wage jobs.

I’ve been looking at Rick’s life and thinking that he had better schooling and better opportunities, and he didn’t get sick with chronic fatigue, or become the victim of sleep deprivation attacks, so he’s been able to keep learning more, and making more money, and saving enough to be able to leave his home for months at a time and go hiking in the mountains, where, most likely, it’s possible to sleep without being zapped awake, and to think a thought without being forced to hear voices or see images or hear snapping and clicking sounds in the room. I would love to hike in the mountains just to find out if I could sleep.

Stuttering: My experiences with chemicals, foods, or drugs that triggered it

June 2, 2011

One of the google searches leading to my blog was about stuttering.  If I recall, they were looking for a connection between personality types and stuttering, as in, does a particular personality type stutter more than others do.  I actually don’t know the answer to that, but it made me want to comment about my own experiences with stuttering.

I used to talk in my sleep all the time when I was in college and when I was a teenager.  While talking in my sleep, I stuttered.  I would wake up, feel myself talking, and feel that I was stuttering.

It was connected with some foods and chemicals that I was exposed to.  I get shaky hands, and stuttering, when I am exposed to pesticides.  So it used to happen every time the landlord would spray for bugs in the apartment.  It also can happen if you live next to a farm that sprays pesticides on its fields.  I don’t know whether things like wasp spray could cause this to happen also.  There was a guy who worked in the produce department who stuttered, when I was at Weis, and I think his stutter was probably worse because of all the pesticides he was exposed to.  I know that, for instance, the apple boxes were full of pesticides – I tried to get apple boxes to use to pack things in once, and I reacted badly to the boxes and had to throw them away.  So there are some pesticides in those boxes and on the fruits and vegetables in the grocery store.

I also think that drinking tea, ordinary tea, made me stutter.  I hardly ever drink tea, so I clearly notice the strange symptoms that happen when I do.  Tea sometimes makes me feel euphorically happy and glad to be alive, and I miss having that feeling, but I won’t use tea or other drugs to get it.  But I’m pretty sure it also makes me stutter.  And, it gives me tonsil stones, tonsilloliths.  Lots of people on the net have wondered what causes tonsilloliths, and I have gotten them from drinking tea.  This is regular ‘tea,’ or camellia sinensis tea, not ‘herbal’ tea.

So, I’m sure that lots of other drugs and chemicals can trigger stuttering.  And I’m guessing that vaccines can probably do something to your brain that would cause stuttering.  There are so many things that vaccines can do to you, but I won’t list them all here, because I only have a limited time on the net here at the library, and you can find everything on google.

So if you recently started stuttering, but you never stuttered before, it could be because of a vaccine, a drug, pesticides, or some other chemical you’ve been exposed to recently. I’m guessing it could improve if you use the Feingold Diet.

I’ve never tried to help anyone troubleshoot stuttering before, so I haven’t gathered a lot of knowledge about it.