Archive for March, 2017

Black Sun

March 31, 2017

I’m not allowed to talk about this, but what is the Black Sun? There is a physical building with unusual angles of its walls and roof, designed deliberately to look strange. Written on the sign is “Black Sun.” Inside, through the windows, I see tables, fancy tables, like just a meeting hall where you eat food and listen to a speech. It’s like a secret society. The name itself means that which radiates active darkness. Artificial stupidity is a manifestation of active radiated darkness. What exactly is the black sun society again? I have read about it. It’s like a global new world order social control type of thing. Well, they actually have a real physical building actually labeled with a sign that says “Black Sun,” which people are walking past on the sidewalk in broad daylight every day and ignoring. Seriously, it sounds ominous. If you were anything good, why would you want to call yourself Black Sun? Why not Shiny Light of Happiness or something? Nope. Radiator Of Darkness. That’s what we wanna call ourselves. Because it sounds cool.

A.S. – the artificial stupidity that controls this town

March 31, 2017

I’m stuck in bed because it won’t stop pouring rain. So I can only think frustrated thoughts. I ran out of phone data while reading stuff about David Wilcock and Corey Goode, and I wasn’t done reading. I’m too tired and rain averse to go to the laundromat right now and use the internet. So I have to blog in a text message, which has a character limit, and I don’t know how to do paragraphs, unless maybe it’s HTML.

Is that a paragraph? Anyway, I went down a line of thought that the A.S. forbids, the artificial stupidity that attacks me. I was pursuing insight into the realization that my 20 years in this town are an utter failure and I have nothing to show for it, and nothing will change in the next 20 years either, and the cause of this failure is the evil miasma of this town, the A.S. mind control that kills us all. It varies greatly in other geographic locations. I was attacked while pursuing this line of thought, the awareness that future failure of the mission is inevitable and action must be taken to fix that. I failed completely for 20 years here. Nothing will change. I cannot defeat the mind control of State College, PA. I cannot save any fellow sufferers, if any live souls exist in this town. I should leave this place. I’m not leaving this very instant. I’m going to move into my apartment first. But leaving this town will greatly benefit my soul. I cannot rescue other A.S. slaves trapped in this town. I have no resources. I must save myself before I can save others. I do not know the physical location of the object broadcasting the A.S, artificial stupidity. I only know it changes when I travel. Local variations are a matter of life and death of the soul. I am being forced to believe I have a duty to stay here and continue to fail at life. The A.S. is telling me that. Continued failure is inevitable in this location. I have one life to live. Wasting it in State College is like living in a jail cell. Anywhere but here – even merely Altoona.

What the hell? I don’t mean it like that

March 31, 2017

I took a nap because the weather made me completely incapacitated, and woke up hearing voices who were upset because they thought that I meant I liked FEMALE Mongolians, in that way. I don’t mean it like that. Must appease the voices who are misinterpreting what I say.

If only my problem was merely that I was a lesbian, that would be easier to deal with than my real problem, which is that I am a heterosexual who is extremely picky and incompatible with everyone. Okay, actually it is probably very hard to live life as a lesbian, too, especially if you happen to be very picky and incompatible in addition to being a lesbian. But no, I have had crushes on the long-haired boys since Benjy in kindergarten (he had black hair in sort of a bowl haircut). That is why my intentional community requires long hair.

I can’t even clean and organize and pack my stuff today, because of the rain. I think the weather report said it would temporarily stop around 3:00, which it has, and then start again.

Who’s gonna feed the skunk when I’m gone??? The skunk got into my trash last night. I could hear it. I put my trash into the other tent, the small one, but the door has a hole cut open in one place partly because I cut it for Jacob and partly because the police cut it some more. So the skunk went in through that. I love the cute little skunks. Someday I will have a yard full of pet skunks, which have not been de-sprayerized, and they will love me and trust me so much that nothing bad will ever happen. This is along with my other yard full of free roaming pet foxes, who let me hug them and pet them, and then they can run away whenever they want to.

But no, when I say that I love Mongolians, this means that I sometimes do google searches for photos of Mongolians when I am in the mood to look at photos of foreign people, which happens usually when I am using some kind of herbal drugs. I am a xenophile.

Mongolians, in the wild free roaming primitive part of the country, eat the whole animal, so that you will see disgusting things like the head of a cow for sale at the butcher’s. As disgusting as it is, I believe it is very important to use the whole animal for reasons of nutrition, economy, and respect. That doesn’t mean making those parts into food that you will give to the cows and chickens on your CAFO farm, or put into your canned pet food. It means humans themselves are going to eat them.

Those Mongolians aren’t sitting around eating soy and getting feminized and weakened. I believe there is no acceptable form of soy to eat. Weston Price advocates often say that soy should be safe if it is traditionally fermented, but I do not believe any method of processing gets rid of the estrogen. If I recall it also affects the thyroid. I’m basically opposed to soy in any form. It wouldn’t be so bad if somebody ate soy briefly a couple times, but people who are eating soy always use it as a staple food that they eat tons of, constantly. It’s especially bad if you force babies to drink soy infant formula. There are *some* Weston Price advocates who oppose soy, even fermented, but they do not all universally agree on that – others still take the "as long as it’s traditionally prepared, it’s safe" attitude. I say No Soy (which means "I am not" in Spanish, but I don’t mean that).

I have a key!

March 31, 2017

I asked for a keyring to attach it to so I don’t lose it. My roommate told me she’s Mongolian, because I asked her how to pronounce her name. She said that’s why it doesn’t sound like a typical Chinese name. I love Mongolians, so this is awesome to me. Anjier is her name.

Now I have to get everything ready to move. It’s a horrible, cold, rainy day.

Even plants have feelings

March 30, 2017

I’m on a lot of caffeine even though I’m off work today. I am postponing doing anything to move my stuff. I will probably do the move gradually.

I was thinking of horrible experiments done to animals, because I was researching pool chlorine. I want alternatives to chlorinated pools. They did something horrible where rats were forced to swim in chlorinated water. One rat died by drowning. The other rats developed bleeding around their eyes and noses (I do need goggles).

First, this is the stupid religious belief system called "The Scientific Method," where people have this ritual of doing a "control group" and trying to factor in all the relevant factors, for example, the rats cannot merely be soaked in chlorinated water while they sit there peacefully. Oh no, they must also be forced to swim to exhaustion till they sink underwater for five seconds at a time, because it’s gotta follow the Scientific Rituals. Because it’s gotta be like People Exercising Till They Drown, otherwise the scientific rituals aren’t being obeyed and the experiment supposedly will be invalid. All of that is total bullshit. They could’ve just let the rats sit quietly in chlorinated water – as if that alone isn’t bad enough – but no! they must also simultaneously exercise them almost to death!

I walked a different pathway yesterday. I went down a road where I saw a fence around a house, and in this fence, there were intertwined the branches of the trees and bushes, which had been slowly growing there for many years, and someone had neatly woven the growing branches in and out through the bars of the metal fence. The branches were gradually pinching as they got thicker, so it looked like it would have poor circulation and be painful, as it folded in an unnatural way around this fence. I don’t feel amazement or awe when I see such a manmade arrangement. I feel pain on behalf of the plant, and a desire to set it free. The whole thing must be gently and painstakingly untangled without damaging it, just as I untangled my dreadlocks without cutting my hair.

I also don’t like plants kept inside a fully enclosed bottle. It’s possible to do. People do it as a demonstration of ecology and they show that this little fully enclosed ecosystem has survived for years and years. I don’t like that either. I like knowing that it might be possible to move outside the enclosure, and I feel sorry for the plants inside the bottle. I don’t say, "Wow." I say, "Break that bottle open, right now." Those things are disturbing and uncomfortable to look at, not amazing.

I have my priorities, and my limited resources, and the risks and costs of being a superhero who invades everyone’s houses to rescue all the mistreated houseplants that shall then be portaled back to a tropical environment where they can survive outdoors where they belong, where they can reproduce and spread out and have a plant family and live a happy plant life.

Limited resources. I’m sorry that plant mistreatment has to be so low on the list of priorities. I can only say that my reactions to the sight of plant mistreatment are genuine, and that I sincerely do not like tropical houseplants that couldn’t survive locally if I had to throw them outdoors. They’re dependent and helpless for a lifetime, unless they can be released into the wild locally. I don’t react by saying "Aren’t we great for being able to grow tropical plants indoors in cold climates?" but instead I’m like, "Ugh, what am I gonna do with all these dozens of houseplants when I have to move to a new apartment?”

Or when Mom dies. Mom had houseplants at every window and in every nook and cranny. I loved the fresh air in that house, which must have resulted from the plants – the air felt fresh even in winter. But Dad is letting all the plants die. And I couldn’t stay there to deal with it. I wasn’t allowed to stay. I wanted the plants to either be given away to new owners, for free, just to get them out alive, or released into the wild.

What will I do today? I worked overnight last night and got out at 7am, then slept a while. I’m starting to get hungry now. It’s cold and yucky outside.

Science is a religion. It is not something that exists "in contrast" with religion. It is not a choice between science or religion. Science is simply one religion amongst many.

two more essential oils – rosemary and pine

March 30, 2017

Since I didn’t learn my lesson the first time, I got two more essential oils: ‘pine scotch’ (which is ‘Scots Pine’) and rosemary. I suspect rosemary of being one of the helpful herbs that I am taking along with sage, because I also have a container of dried rosemary, the spice, and I sometimes have eaten it along with the sage. I haven’t always paid attention to notice when I’ve gotten the best results (back when I was writing the video game and was
decaffeinated), so I don’t know which times I was eating the rosemary and which times I wasn’t.

I poured out a few drops of this pine, and rosemary, together into a juice bottle lid again, something that I will just throw away, and I’m once again at the picnic table outside the laundromat (which, by the way, is supposed to be demolished sometime soon). I’m doing it here, this way, so that if anything reacts badly with me, I’ll be able to get rid of it and it won’t be all in my tent.

Well, something just gave me a foot cramp. That’s not good. I already learned years ago that charlie horses are caused by rancid oil, so that suggests that one of these oils might be rancid. I’m not even touching them, just inhaling them.

This pine-rosemary combination smells SO GOOD, so wonderful, I want to rub it all over my body and my clothes. However, I won’t do that, not yet anyway. I have to test how I react to things, and I know not to directly touch essential oils because they are very strong and toxic and concentrated.

I’m off work today and tomorrow. I have to get ready to move in to the apartment.

I don’t like to sing this horrible song, and I don’t want it running through my head, but I am wondering if there is something special about the combination ‘parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme.’ I will probably try all of those oils. I don’t know if they were sung like that just because they were commonplace herbs, or if the person knew something about the benefits of using them. I do know parsley is supposed to help with stomach upset, because a very long time ago when I tried acupuncture, she recommended also that I should grind up a bunch of parsley and drink water made from it, although I never ended up doing that. I was having stomach problems and that’s why I went to see her.

It will make me feel kind of silly if I discover that rosemary is actually the helpful one more than sage, after talking and raving about how great sage is for all these months. I only know that one or the other or both together are extremely helpful, more than any other herbal drug I ever tried, at getting practical results such as being able to concentrate on extremely difficult tasks and never give up, and having deeper insights than usual. The St. John’s Wort was too strong, had too many side effects, and caused such severe fatigue, that I don’t want to use it for anything anymore, but these other culinary herbs are actually better at getting results with fewer problematic side effects.

Swimming causes rehydration in spite of caffeine

March 29, 2017

I drank an espresso right before leaving the tent, and also a bottle of coke. Normally this would not make me urinate anywhere near as much as it did. I have been going to the bathroom every couple minutes since I got to work. This is ridiculous. I can only theorize that swimming is like drinking a bunch of water through my skin.

I went swimming and I survived!

March 29, 2017

My swimsuit arrived today. I was so excited, I went out to get it even though I have to work overnight tonight. I went to the YMCA and went swimming for only about half an hour. I definitely, unmistakably look fat. I was fat enough that it took some effort to swim down under water because I float now. I am buoyant. I was never buoyant before. Yet I was so exhausted and out of breath, I had to take frequent breaks.

I was practicing the freestyle stroke and trying to take breaths without stopping, which I never could do and became afraid to do, because I think I must have swallowed a mouthful of water one time when I was a kid and tried to breathe. So I am doing it carefully with some anxiety. I sometimes stop swimming if I take a breath, and other times I am able to keep going.

My ears need cleaned out. I must go to the doctor and get it done. I also need goggles. My eyes are all red now. I will get in aerobic shape by doing this, with zero gravity impact. No injury from pounding my hips and knees from jogging; no unnatural movements or positions like biking (especially with a long torso and short legs).

After I got out of the pool and went to Weis Market, I felt like my whole body was as heavy as lead, like I had been on a low gravity planet. But I feel good, too. My chronic fatigue syndrome will be a problem – failure to recover from exertion, and depletion of resources that take time to restock.

But swimming is so wonderful, and the YMCA is such a wonderful place, full of people.

I’m pretty sure I am sick. Used clary sage, don’t like it, but it smells nice.

March 29, 2017

There might be typos. I wrote this on my phone.

I felt horrible yesterday afternoon, and sat in a chair and laid my head on the front counter at work. My coworker Art was with me but I didnt go home because I couldn’t get a reply from my manager and didn’t want to risk it, and it wasn’t long till the shift was over. That is a bad enough shift that I will always have problems with it – a 3pm shift right after leaving at 7am from a night shift the night before. I get very little sleep.

I have felt horrible ever since I experimented with clary sage and jojoba aromatherapy oils. I got them the other day. I have wanted to test that clary sage for a long time because of how extremely helpful sage is for me. It is the most effective and least harmful herbal drug I know of. I do not use a concentrated form of sage, so the only unpleasant effect is the bitter taste and mild nausea. I only eat dried sage powder or fresh leaves. This was the first time I tried clary sage, and the first time I used an oil instead of leaves.

I did not touch the oils. I just poured them into a plastic (come on, autocorrect – can’t you figure out that 0 is p, 6 is y, and so on? I NEVER intend to write the word "0lastic," it’s just that this phone has a lag or glitch that causes a button to stick down longer than I actually press it, so it thinks I held down the letter p and all the other letters – can’t you figure out that a held-down button is supposed to be the top-level visible letter?) juice cap, which I would throw away, and then I sat outdoors at a picnic table on a warm day and just inhaled it randomly.

Clary sage in jojoba smelled nice, but that was about all. It had almost no effects of sage, which must come from thujone. It had a very mild antidepressant like effect, which seems to be lingering since I haven’t showered and haven’t washed everything, and the effect has changed into a horrible negative emotion of utter despair about the future, and trauma over Mom’s death. It caused extreme fatigue the first day, which thankfully mostly wore off but might have contributed to my exhaustion yesterday. I felt like I had been exposed to pesticide, which was probably literally true – the oils are organic, but plants produce their own toxins, which are the "drugs" that we are getting from them, natural plant toxins. Basically, I just inhaled concentrated clary sage toxin and/or jojoba toxin. Actually, I forget if the jojoba was organic. But I doubt it was a manmade pesticide. It was the plants themselves. I get fatigue from most plant based drugs.

Normal sage gives me very strong mental effects, especially when I’m caffeine-free. I can focus on challenging tasks a long time without giving up, and have a deeper understanding of everything. Sage is hard to grow – not a single seed sprouted last year, even though I bought several packs of seeds. I will try again this year. I think it’s perennial, so if I grow it at all, I will have it forever. So I’ve been forced to just eat powdered dried sage or the "fresh" single serving sage leaves in the packs from the store. The "fresh" leaves in packs are really rather dry and lifeless, though still green. They seem to be lacking juice somehow.

I have been cautious about aromatherapy because of contamination and my bad reactions to many herbal drugs. But I followed an impulse, a suggestion, and had enough money to buy it (I really don’t have enough money because all the years of my future must be allocated, which is millions of dollars I don’t have.). So I actually do not "have enough money" for anything at all, and the concept of "having enough money" is meaningless. My entire future does not exist because no money has been allocated to it yet, but this must be done. I once calculated.

"What’s that dark thing moving in my peripheral vision as I’m typing?" some part of my brain thought just now. OH MY GOD. OH MY FUCKING GOD. Thankfully it was on the outside of the tent screen, not the inside. We do not name this unspeakable thing, but it was over an inch in diameter. I tapped the screen to knock it down, then felt very sorry for it as it fell and scrambled away in fear and distress.

Maybe even almost two inches.

I have conflicting reactions depending on where unspeakable things are located. "Aww, poor thing, SQUISH." I don’t like to kill and would prefer not to, but I also don’t like accidentally being bitten by things.

I actually love snakes more than I love spiders, although jumping spiders are adorable. I might not be happy about coral snakes (red on yellow, kill a fellow, red on black, venom lack) down south, but I adore garter snakes. I would fear rattlers and copperheads I’m sure. Funny how I can describe either a snake or spider as "adorable" depending on what type it is.

I was going to say, I once estimated the cost of a lifetime in dollars, and I think it was like $30 million, or maybe $6 million, and I don’t know why I can’t recall the number at all and why there is such a huge magnitude of difference between the two numbers I’m remembering. This was just a frugal lifetime cost, with normal amounts of cars and houses, and no costly special projects or hobbies. From birth till death it costs $X million just to exist in the most average mainstream way. That is the money I don’t have which must be allocated to my future.

“Energy” drink

March 28, 2017

I’m having a Starbucks energy drink with ginseng in it. I stopped using ginseng last year because it acts like an antidepressant and causes arousal and seductive and/or stalking behavior. But I have no one to stalk, and won’t do anything before I get antibiotics (although I just read at Jon Rappoport’s blog that they can cause tendon damage, particular ones). I also don’t want the sucralose and suspect it made me fat. Actually I thought of some online people who I might end up interacting with if I cannot resist impulses and mind control. I need to avoid ginseng. But I feel horrible, sick, and exhausted today and it’s too late, I drank it.

Makyo – that word I always forget. Distracting phenomena that happen while meditating

March 27, 2017

That word was mentioned in the book by Lawrence LeShan, ‘How To Meditate.’ Makyo are phenomena that distract you from true progress. I always forget this word when I want to remember it, so I’m making it into the title of a blog so that I can search for it later.
Meditation phenomena, distractions…. I need enough keywords that I’ll be able to find it.

The global oralite communication network

March 24, 2017

I was thinking of how Anaya would translate sociocracy from ESTJ to ISTP, actually to the 8th house in general including the ENFP. I pictured a global network of gathering and sharing observations. Anaya is supposed to be global in scope, like a religion, with millions or billions of members on all continents, like other giant religions. So how do you administer it, taking inspiration from sociocracy? I imagined a couple things. One fantasy was a communications network that was oralite, not literate – no written words, no paper, no electronics, no phones, yet I can ask my neighbor, “How is life in Antarctica?” and they ask the global circles to give them the answer, albeit slowly. They solicit data about all the locations on earth. It was just a fantasy or concept.


March 24, 2017

I really hope I get a chance to go swimming at the YMCA, because I just bought myself a swimsuit and swim cap online. I don’t know if they will fit. I might have to try a ‘plus size’ because my hips are too fat and out of proportion with everything else (according to the sizing of swimsuits, not according to reality and normality and the variations of the human body). If I get something big enough to fit my hips, then the chest is going to be too huge. This will probably matter a lot in a swimsuit, where I have to be, um, hydrodynamic? Is that really the word? Streamlined. I can’t have a suit that sags open and lets all the water go down my chest because it’s made for size 500DD boobs to match with my large hips. So I compromised and did my best guess of what size to wear. I might have to eventually try buying another swimsuit after finding out how this one fits. I haven’t owned a swimsuit in years but I always remember having problems getting them to fit.

I’d like to make clothes on my serger machine, too. They will be custom sized.

I’m living close to the YMCA, close enough that it’s possible to just go up the street a short distance to get there, which is why I believe strongly enough that I might go swimming once in a while, so that buying a swimsuit didn’t seem like such a crazy idea.

I haven’t moved in yet. I did the paperwork and have to go give it to them and talk to them about it.

I realized also that I’m relatively close to the Unitarian
Universalist church, which I have wanted to go to. But even when I lived on that street before I still didn’t go there, just because it’s hard to do anything at all on a Sunday morning.

Being right next door to Weis Market is the best thing, even though Weis isn’t the greatest grocery store on the planet. It still has enough organic food, and the prices are relatively low, probably, compared to Wegman’s. I can get enough organic food all the time to keep myself busy. I like having more selection and more variation, but hey, I’m also next to a bus stop, so I can ride the bus to other stores across town quickly and easily too.

The only bad thing: keeping Jacob locked indoors. I don’t like that. I am happy that he gets to chase and eat mice outside. But we are waiting for the future, when we own our own territory. We will live in the woods again someday, but they will belong to me. I swear it. I will own a patch of woods, even if they are only a small patch of woods. I have to.

Concept of consent

March 23, 2017

I won’t have time to write. I’m between tasks at work. Some things have no possible consent. I decided circumcision or permanent removal of organs and limbs has no possible consent.

translating sociocracy from the ESTJ into the ISTP’s way of thinking

March 23, 2017

5:08 AM 3/23/2017

I have this concept with Anaya, where every house of the socion governs itself. This is only one concept of an experimental community. I actually have several ideas of how the community would be designed, and can’t settle on just one design.

I was watching Diana Leafe Christian talking about sociocracy in videos. One thing she started talking about was performance reviews, and I started watching other videos about that. I’ve experienced that at McDonald’s.

We had them, but they weren’t very useful to me – but that wasn’t sociocracy, and you can’t make sociocracy work without the whole system, so I’m not claiming that sociocracy doesn’t work, I’m claiming that the way McD does things doesn’t work.

My reaction to a performance review – I was watching skits of people getting ready for their performance reviews at work, and I remembered my feelings. I always felt helplessness. My goal is to translate all of this to the 8th house of the socion, Gabin and Huxley, and how they see things and do things, so all of this is going to be accepted as legitimate. My immediate feeling was a desire to defend myself by explaining that I wasn’t able to do anything because of problems in my personal life that were outside my control, such as sickness and fatigue. I also had problems in the workplace that were outside my control, and an overwhelming feeling of helplessness in the workplace, where I simply could never *give* any feedback and have anybody listen to it or give a damn.

Positive-minded people don’t like to hear ‘excuses’ for why something can’t be done, but my goal is to translate everything Diana Leafe Christian says, as an ESTJ in the 7th house of the socion (my ‘houses’ are groups of the two duals), into something that works for the 8th house, my own house. It has to be changed from judger to perceiver.

What is sociocracy, translated into the language of an ISTP, into the world of the ISTP, when it originated as ESTJ? The reason why I want the houses to each govern themselves is because we have unfair and unequal representation in government if we do not have people of all 16 types in government. I don’t think I’ve *ever* seen an ISTP president. People have typed Abraham Lincoln as ENFP, and somebody else typed Mao Zedong as ENFP (this is not necessarily something to be proud of), but otherwise, we don’t see many of them in office either, so we have a world which is biased in favor of all the other types who do commonly become presidents.

I can’t improve my performance because of factors beyond my control; my personal life is the problem, my physical health is the problem; don’t judge me based on those things. I need my entire life to be fixed in order to improve my performance. That is my reaction to getting a performance review. I cannot make myself care about my job in workplaces where I am unable to *give* feedback and have anybody respond to it.

Also, I never agree with the overall aims of the corporation that I am working for, regardless of where I work. This is something else that relates to sociocracy. The overall leader or owner of the group decides what its aims are. We work at this job because we have to have a job, not because we agree with their aims, and in fact, we might outright disapprove of their aims. We already know from experience that there is *nowhere* that we agree with the aims of the leaders – no job, anywhere, has leaders who are like-minded with us. So we always work at jobs where we strongly disagree about many of the overall aims of the corporation.

Sociocracy has to ignore this fact. Sociocracy says it’s about what you, as the worker, need *in the context* of your job. Regardless of how you personally feel about your job, you’re supposed to talk about what you need in order to do your job. You have to set aside your own personal feelings and beliefs, and go along with the aims of the corporation, and talk about what you need to help them accomplish those aims. Sociocracy is about that – but I am saying that this is important, that you have to agree with the overall aims. In an intentional community you might, but not in a workplace.

Also, the aim of the landowner is always ‘to pay the rent and taxes and mortgage on this land.’ That is never your aim, because you are not the landowner. So you cannot help them with that aim and you cannot care about that aim. My goal, as the worker, is to help the corporation earn enough revenue to pay for this piece of land that this building is sitting on. It’s not my land and it never will be. I can’t really care about paying for this land. That will always be someone else’s goal, not mine. Our whole purpose is to buy and sell things in such a way that we can afford the expense of sitting here on this piece of land.

I know this sounds incoherent – I’m reacting to some of the things I watched in videos or read on web pages, and I haven’t explained any of those things. I’m trying to learn about sociocracy. I want to translate it into my own socionic type’s information elements. What would sociocracy be like if it were devised by an ISTP instead of an ESTJ?

Two consecutive days, two different men, two similar gestures, same newspaper

March 22, 2017

I only noticed this because I collected the unsold papers from yesterday and replaced them with today’s.

Dream, prophecy of death

March 21, 2017

I am typing on my phone. Yesterday Steve stopped by to say hi at work. I don’t know what drugs he’s on, but after I clasped his hand there were transdermal residues I had to wash off, which were giving me sensations that I recognized. It may be only tobacco, but it could be psychiatric drugs.

This may be why my dream was so vivid.

I can’t explain it all, especially typing on my phone.

There was someone, a man in the background, positioned spatially behind me but not touching me, which connected to a real life incident years ago I had thought of recently about a guy who worked at McD with me who had been in the military, who had either accidentally or deliberately aroused me by breathing against my neck from behind one time, but nothing more ever happened. In the dream there was no arousal and no touch, just the spatial positioning somewhere behind me. He was much farther behind me than the McD guy was. It may indicate he was the controller.

Then it became dark. I had barely watched some of "La La Land," (too tired to stay up and watch it all) and in that movie it darkens the background and highlights a person who is going to sing or have a meaningful moment.

The background darkened and I saw in front of me Alice, the subject of the prophecy, highlighted. Alice may have been the daughter of the military man behind me. "Military" and "ships" meant Navy, because I had just read that allegedly the Nordic aliens had discovered that the Navy was one part of the US Government that seemed more trustworthy or loyal to the Constitution.

If she was his daughter, this might be like the "Wreck of the Hesperus," a poem I had been required to memorize in either 4th or 5th grade. I was the only one, or maybe one other in my grade – was it that Deanna girl? – able to recite it perfectly. Before my orthodontic braces, before those 4 tooth removals, I used to be intelligent. I used to get good grades. I see the braces and tooth removals as the original cause of my academic decline, which is why I like Weston Price.

It was also like Titanic, and I sensed a great height below Alice where she stood in my view, like when the ship is straight up in the water before it sinks.

Alice was Alice in Wonderland from "Through The Looking Glass." I was trying to guess the types of the actors in La La Land, and one of the voices said the lovers were lookalikes. I suspected Ryan Gosling was Delta, maybe EII, so that would mean the girl was LII. Alice was also possibly LII.

CinemaSins on youtube hated "Through the Looking Glass," but I loved it. I loved her brightly colored elaborate dress. But in the dream, she wore plain clothes because I noticed nothing special about her clothes. In that movie she pilots a ship through an impossible place, and also travels through time. "Time" is also a person in the movie, who someone typed as my dual, ENFP, Sasha Baron Cohen.

I don’t like the 3 letter personality type names, except sometimes when they make it easier to figure out what intertype relation they are. I usually prefer the 4 letter names.

So, Alice was at the edge of the front of the ship, reaching out to the side, towards the right in my view, with a carved wooden sceptre. The sceptre had on the end a pine cone shaped carving, like an ancient object seen in drawings or paintings of Egyptians or maybe Sumerians, or they would be the Watchers or Fallen Angels maybe. Some people have said the pine cone reminds them of a pineal gland. It looked more like a – vegetable that begins with the letter A, where you eat the heart – the voice attacks are wrongly using autocorrect and inserting the word "asparagus" in my head, not what I was trying to say, although technically it did resemble asparagus because it was a stick, but I meant the *other* vegetable beginning with A where you remove the leaves of a green flower and eat the heart. It was featured in the lesbian teacher scene of "Antonia’s Line." Artichoke. Isn’t "artichoke" also the name of a military or government mind control project?

So she was highlighted in darkness because this was her fateful moment. They thought this sail would be calm, but it was actually going to be the storm of the century. That kind of resembles the night I had at work last night, too.

Her reaching out with a sceptre: there was either a bird or an apple, I think that’s wrong – probably a bird on some kind of post or something where she couldn’t reach it and had to use this sceptre to reach it. "They" said it could be an owl, which would connect with those owl cigars I sell, and also with a video Jesse posted on facebook, where a guy had an owl on the end of a mop or broom or stick, and was carefully easing it out the open window while it glared directly at him, and the facebook post was titled "trying to get rid of an ex-girlfriend" or something, where the girlfriend was the glaring owl. It was actually very cute.

That was the prophesied moment when she would fall off the ship and never be seen again. She took one last look at me, the viewer, although it was really to her father, the one reliving the memory or making the prophecy, or telling a story that happened in the past but putting it in the "she would" tense as he told it – that would be the night that she would fall, the last night I would see her. It felt like the grandfather talking about Harriet in "The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo," which I watched again recently, the new American version from a few years ago, which is, practically, like Pizzagate. It’s about independently investigating serial killers.

I did not see her fall in the dream. I saw her "one last look at me" and then woke up. She supposedly would lean over the edge of the boat and fall. She was trying to get this owl off of the thing it landed on, using the sceptre. "This owl" is a cigar, Owl brand cigars, and tobacco, which I had on my hands after clasping Steve’s hands. I washed my hands really thoroughly after I recognized the transdermal residue contamination sensations, although it really might be more than tobacco – he could be on psychiatric meds. So I was trying to remove the owl from the ship I was steering, but that would be my own body.

I love Steve, but if I spend any length of time with him or near him or touching him, I become extremely contaminated with both smoke and also skin residues of tobacco, which causes me to become extremely angry and uncomfortable. He needs to stop smoking and decontaminate everything he owns.

So, that was the vivid dream. As always, there was more I could not remember. This was only a tiny moment, but very meaningful. A tiny moment where I only saw Alice reaching out to remove an unseen object, using a wooden sceptre, and I knew she would fall. The controllers gave me sinister voices when I purchased ephedra seeds years ago, warning me I had set down a lit stick of dynamite on the floor. The controllers already knew about transdermal residues and contamination before I did. The dynamite was ephedra. It destroyed everything. The owl was cute though, not like ephedra.

Intentional communities again – Diana Leafe Christian

March 19, 2017

Talking to my future roommate, assuming nothing changes between now and the future for some reason – made me start getting into the community mindset again. I remember something I read, back when I was reading about the enneagram (which I no longer use, for a lot of reasons), about how people with a strong social instinct can manifest it in two opposite ways, by being overtly social, or by being extremely antisocial because they have a strong opinion of what they want from society and they’re not getting it. I’m in the antisocial group. I do actually have a very strong opinion of what society ought to be like, which is one reason why I’m interested in things like the underground ‘intraterrestrial’ civilizations.

I have to accommodate my roommate’s preferences, which is not really easy to do. I don’t know what all of them will be in advance. They are unpredictable and complex. This always happens when you go live with somebody. I learned that in college. Even within the same ‘American’ culture, when I went and lived in a room with other Americans, our cultures were so drastically different sometimes that we drove each other crazy. Other people do strange, unpredictable, unthinkable things that would just never occur to you to do, just because that’s how they were raised and it was normal for them and their family.

So, one common example is whether you think it’s okay to share food in the fridge or not. I am extremely anti-sharing, and I tightly enclose all my food items into one tiny shelf, which is clearly ‘mine,’ and I feel violated and annoyed if somebody else puts their stuff into my shelf space. It is absolutely unthinkable for me to take someone else’s food unless they have explicitly and repeatedly told me it’s okay – when I lived at the Youngs’ house, they told me I could drink the milk and a few other things, but I didn’t take a lot because I wasn’t helping to replace it. If I were buying it once in a while, I would. But my preferences for milk are different – I want organic, preferably grassfed, and preferably raw except that requires long distance driving in a car and I can’t do that easily. I at least get organic at the store, and whole, not skim or 2%.

I started looking at Diana Leafe Christian’s work and thinking about intentional communities again. This is really what we need. It gives me hope for the future, and it is the *only* thing that gives me hope for the future, not just my own individual future, but society. Society is horrible and completely out of our control, but if we build small intentional communities and intentional societies and
intentional religions that we can control and construct and design deliberately to be different from mainstream society, that is the only way to fix things. We can’t fix it by voting in the elections. The elections are hacked.

‘The elections are hacked and hackable’ is the one message that the mainstream media is finally talking about, even if I disagree about the particular statements they’re making (‘The Russians’ did it). Yes, it’s all hackable. But they’re not talking about *how* it’s hackable. From what I read, the votes are stored in a plain old Excel spreadsheet on a normal PC which is connected to the internet and wide open for hackers to just walk in and change the numbers on the spreadsheet with a couple keystrokes, and that’s how you hack the election. Don’t worry about all those red herrings and distractions, all that complex and difficult stuff about messing with the voting machines – that may be happening too, but it’s not even necessary. A simple unprotected desktop PC with an Excel spreadsheet, a couple keystrokes of number changes, and the election is hacked. Anyone can do it whether they’re Russian or not.

So… Intentional Communities. We have control, locally, over what is done. Local control. We know our fellow community members. As the community grows too large to know everyone individually, we still have control over how we govern each other long-distance, because we are the ones designing the system.

Diana Leafe Christian used to believe in consensus, and that’s what she put in her books, but now she believes in something called ‘Sociocracy,’ which I am not very familiar with and want to learn more about. But alas, I cannot even read a few words written by Diana Leafe Christian without becoming excessively overexcited and wanting to do a million things at once that I cannot possibly do because I am not a trillionaire yet. I have to wait until my life is a little bit under control – and then, I’ll start looking into things like how to buy land at tax sales, so you can get it cheap. As soon as I start buying land, I can finally think about how to build my own intentional community and design my own government.

This relates to intraterrestrial disclosure (underground breakaway civilizations). Are those civilizations any better than ours? Are they really any different? If so, why? What processes are they using to constantly make themselves good, forever, and keep themselves that way? What processes are causing our society here to be evil? You have to intentionally design a society with good processes in order to keep it protected forever from the corruption that we hate in our society now. Forever is a long time.

I was thinking, with ‘them’ talking to me, about how people are invading the underground cities, with long range ground penetrating radar and energy weapons and earthquake weapons. They are no longer safe from us. We want to kill them merely because they exist and they are outside of our slavery system. We invite them to join the slavery, or die. They need our help. They need us to protect them from this invasion. We want to kill them all and then steal their technology and their books, and use it for ourselves, even though we ourselves don’t have the necessary processes in our society to support such creativity. Our society destroys creation and invention, and steals little bits of it that the elites find useful. If they cooperate with us, then we will make them into slaves. We will infiltrate them and corrupt everything they have built. We will contaminate them with poisons and diseases.

Ongoing social processes are necessary to create the same things they created. We –

I suddenly lost my flow of thought.

I had been watching, or just googling, Diana Leafe Christian on youtube. I had both her books before the contamination disaster. I tried to download one book and put it onto the PC version of the Amazon Kindle. But it doesn’t work properly – the images don’t show properly on the PC version of the Kindle, and it makes me suspicious that maybe they won’t work properly on the real Kindle either. I know they don’t invest the same resources into designing the free PC version of the Kindle, since it’s free, but still, it makes your product look bad if I can’t view images properly on the free version, and can’t enlarge them either. It violates my trust. So I don’t know if I would buy a Kindle just to get those books on it.

I really want to just be decontaminated and then have a location where it’s safe to store physical paper books. Physical paper books are wonderful. They have a smell and a feeling. It’s easy to open them to a random page. No computerized book has a random-page-opening function that resembles anything at all that you do with your hands while holding a book. You can say, ‘I want to go to something about 3/4 of the way through the thickness of this book,’ and open it to that. Does any page-opening function on a computerized book do that? The most you can ever do is a totally 100% random page, which is not like what you do with a paper book. You usually don’t seek a random page. You seek something that was in the general vicinity of the end of the book, or the general vicinity of the middle, or whatever. Nothing even resembles that in computer books. It’s just so much easier to read a paper book, in every way.

I guess I will post this. The point was that when I think about intentional communities, I am simultaneously overexcited, and helpless to do anything. I don’t have the time, energy, money, or resources to even begin such a huge project, but yet, it so exactly matches my values and everything I want from the world.

Kevin Breen strep throat led to amputations – death of extremities caused by blood pressure drugs

March 18, 2017

I can’t even read this whole story, it makes me so angry.

Why do I remember seeing TV shows about how you can safely remove dead tissue using live maggots, yet nobody even uses this (or any other method) – they just start chopping? This whole story makes me want to scream. I don’t have time to write either. I don’t know how I will make it through this shift. I’m here till 3am. The point is they don’t even bother to try to keep the injured limbs.

Found the flashlight

March 18, 2017

It was right on the path where I first came down the hill from my tent.

This rolling schedule is killing me. It wouldn’t be so bad if it were warm outside. At least it’s above freezing. I can’t even do the paperwork for the apartment because of total exhaustion. I’m using caffeine like crazy. I was actually able to get more done without caffeine. I intend to quit it again.

I also feel bad because it seems like dozens of people have been trying to contact me and I’m so tired and antisocial I can’t even do more than reply a few words to people.

This will make me talk about freeing the slaves, but I don’t even have the energy to do that. I only know that the world’s idea of an appropriate, acceptable work schedule is wrong. Society needs to care about the work life balance of human beings.

I can’t write on my phone about the huge topic of universal slavery and I don’t have time since I’m on my way to work. This is just a bookmark on the topic. I will always come back to the topic of universal slavery until and unless I get a job where I control my schedule and also earn enough to live a decent life.