Archive for August, 2012

This decontamination was unsuccessful.

August 29, 2012

I’m about to go to work, and I don’t have time to write about it, but I spent all week struggling to do this cleanup project, and I just didn’t have enough time or enough energy to do it very well. I did a few things I was trying to do, but not enough, and I am still contaminated. This is extremely frustrating.

I had some weird mental image of a shrinking economy or something.

August 26, 2012

12:41 PM 8/26/2012

A big group of women hikers went by this morning. I wondered if it was the women’s meetup group – I forget the exact name of it. It’s a very big, popular, active meetup.com group. They sounded like they were having a good time, lots of loud and cheerful talking and laughing, a very active group. I could see them faraway between the trees, all of them wearing bright coral pink orange.

I envied them. I wished I were in that cheerful group of people enjoying their leisure time by taking a hike in the woods. Since I started riding a bike instead of driving, I stopped taking walks anywhere for leisure. I feel that I always need to conserve my physical energy so that I can ride the bike.

I thought to myself that these women who had all this free time must be the wives of wealthy men who can afford to pay the rent or the mortgage and all the bills on a single income. However, it is actually Sunday, and so, perhaps these women do work, and this is their weekend. I didn’t think of that at first.

I am always thinking that the thing people need most is more free time. Why don’t we have free time? Why haven’t technological advancements saved us from having to do all this labor? Why aren’t technological advancements making all of our money more powerful, so that less money will buy more, because everything is cheaper and produced more efficiently?

Our economy is shrinking. Productive capital is shrinking. It’s as though the entire world economy is just ‘not there.’ We are in our own tiny local economy, and we don’t get all the benefits of the entire global economy and all its technological advancements that would have saved us from having to do so much labor. This is because of the financial parasites that destroy money without producing anything – all the taxes, all the corruption in the banking system, all the fraudulent ways of printing money for oneself and spending it without producing anything. I only have a vague concept of this, and not a specific description of the process. The vague image was of our economy being limited or shrunken rather than being able to take advantage of the efficiency gains that we would have had from the entire global economic system and everything that it has created. We still have to labor long hours when we ought to have had more and more free time as all these labor saving devices were invented.

What people need most is more free time and less time at their jobs. Every time I imagine a club or a meetup group, I always think to myself, ‘How on earth will anyone be able to find any free time to join this group?’ How on earth would I myself be able to find any free time for it?

People’s slavery increases more and more every year as we all become poorer, as the productive capital of the world is destroyed. It’s as though we are trading only with a tiny local economy of primitive craftsmen, except that we are expected and required to buy high-tech items instead, and those items are expensive, but we only have the wages of a primitive craftsman to buy them with.

I am hoping that very soon, I myself will be able to afford more free time. I wish that I could help other people too.

I wish I was getting paid to advertise on this blog

August 25, 2012

I haven’t been blogging a lot lately, but I’m still getting over 30 hits every day, sometimes 50, sometimes less than 30, but still a lot. If I deliberately made a website that was intended to attract people, a website that wasn’t just me fooling around and writing while manic, a serious website, then I would put ads on it and try to find people who would pay me to advertise there. This is one of the future projects that is being postponed right now. People are finding my blog by google searching for things. I can’t remember where to find the page, but I should look at it again, the page where it shows you all the things that people have searched for, over all time, to find this page. People search for the same things over and over again, and they find my most popular posts over and over again, and, alas, most of those posts that they’re finding are crap. I’m not proud of them. I don’t know how many people actually leave comments. I suspect my comments get deleted by hackers, but I don’t know. Anyway, I’d want to make a website that I was actually proud of, with articles that were intended to last forever, instead of just crap that I wrote hastily and published while manic and couldn’t bear the sight of when I read them again. I want to write things that I will be proud to reread ten years from now. I want to look at what I wrote and still be proud that I wrote it.

After the word ‘retmeishka’ (the most popular search term leading to my blog), the next most popular search term leading to my blog is ‘chobits sex.’  Google ‘chobits sex’ without the quotes, and you will see my blog in the first few results.  I get google searches for chobits sex constantly.  It was because I picked up a book at Barnes & Noble and read it, and I got into it, and read it all the way to the end.  I loved the extremely long hair.  I then wrote an article called “Chobits: Why do people want to have sex with robots?”  Again, this particular post isn’t all that deep, brilliant, or informative.  It didn’t occur to me that it would become the next-most-popular search term leading to my blog.  But hundreds of people are looking at this article trying to find out more about chobits having sex.  I don’t even remember the details of exactly what happened when the chobits girl tried to have sex.  I vaguely remember that she sent out a signal that hacked all the other robots and shut them down, or something like that.  It bothers me that this blog post is so hugely popular when it really wasn’t all that insightful or interesting, and I didn’t even write anything explicitly sexual in there, if I recall (I should read it again to make sure).  Oh my god, I was still talking about Ichazo’s Instinctual Types.  Apparently, I hadn’t yet stopped attempting to use the enneagram.  That’s another thing: outdated ideas that I no longer believe.  People google my blog and they read things that I no longer believe are true, or no longer care about, or mistakes that I made, or delusional beliefs that I had for a while, etc.  Then they get the impression that I authoritatively assert that X is true, forever and ever, when actually, it was just a passing thing and I’ve gotten over it now.

I hate reading things that I wrote in the past when I was more manic, when I believed something that I no longer believe, or when I was forced to believe some delusional thing.  I want to write something that I will not be ashamed to read again.

On vacation; doing cleanup projects; I saw a porcupine for the first time

August 25, 2012

7:11 PM 8/25/2012

I’m waiting for the bus right now. I’m going to go eat at the Chinese Buffet on the other side of town. I’ve discovered that there is something in that food which makes me able to work much better the next day after I eat it. I don’t like to eat at a restaurant where you have to order just one item. I prefer the buffet, and I like to choose just a little tiny bit of a wide variety of bizarre items. I’ve also discovered that I don’t like stir fry, so I might only get a little bit of that, only of particular ones.

I am on vacation. I don’t recall whether I said that or not in my last blog – I’m offline right now. I did get it this week. I did a couple of things for my cleanup project. I took down the wasp spray tent and got rid of it. I also sorted through the stuff in the orange storage tent and got rid of some things and organized what was left in there. Now I still have to do some more, but I was unable to force myself to work today. And I was extremely hungry. I was able to go shopping, and I got a couple of important things that I will need for the next part of the project, but that was all I got done. So I decided it was urgent to go eat good food again.

I want to completely decontaminate myself so that I will be rid of the drug residues forever, for all practical purposes. There are actually a few small exceptions that I know about. But I know what they are, and they won’t surprise me. For instance I have some things in storage at my parents’ house in West Virginia, and some of those things could be contaminated, but I am not touching them every day.

I hope that I am able to finish this project, this decontamination protocol, before the end of my vacation. I have to go back to work on Wednesday, I assume, if I have a normal schedule, and there is no reason to believe I don’t. So I only have a couple days left. I am anxious. This is a very, very big deal to me.

If I am able to decontaminate, then I will also be able to quit caffeine again. The chronic fatigue caused by the drug residues is usually the reason why I drink so much coffee, and then I get addicted to it.

The decontamination is very important to me because the drug residues are what caused me to go crazy and do extremely stupid things many times in the past, and I want to make sure that I never, ever do those things again. That is why this matters so much to me.

So I will just settle for not having done anything today, and I will go eat at the Chinese Buffet for now. I did something today, but it wasn’t enough. Going shopping isn’t enough.

I watched the movie ‘Ted,’ but I’m confused about when I watched it. I think it was last night. Every character in that movie was an SEE personality type. I’m so sure of this that I don’t even need to give my socionics disclaimer, where I usually warn people that everything I say about socionics is wrong.

But I don’t really feel like telling about the movie right now. I’m sitting here on the bus and the bus is stopped because there’s a baseball game going on and we have a traffic jam.

I like to think about all the things that I will be able to do after I am decontaminated. I wasn’t able to check out library books, after I ruined one of them a couple years ago and had to throw it away, knowing that no one would believe my explanation of what happened to it and why I could not return it. I just had to pay for it. After that I didn’t try borrowing any library books anymore. I bought lots of books during that time and often threw them away when they got contaminated. The biggest change is that I will be able to save tons of money because I won’t be buying things and throwing them away anymore. I will be able to buy something and keep it for a long time.

I will also be able to start projects. I won’t be manic, so I will be able to evaluate whether my projects are a good idea or not, whether they are sustainable, whether I myself can realistically complete them or not. I will be able to socialize, and I will be able to allow people to visit me, although I will still be living in a tent for now.

I won’t really know about all the things that I’m not doing because of the contamination, until after it’s gone and I gradually become aware, ‘Oh, I don’t need to worry about this particular thing anymore. It’s no longer a “rule” that I have to follow.’ Avoid doing X, or Do Y instead of X – hey, wait, I can just do A, B, and C, and it will be so much easier now. (It’s hard to think while riding the bus.)

*****
Okay, I got to eat my Chinese Buffet food.

I’m sitting at McDonald’s having a coffee. I was about to use the wifi when I saw ‘Megabus’ listed in the networks. The Megabus has wifi? I can’t wait to ride the Megabus. I don’t know where I will go. It will be like the Knight Bus on Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. That’s on my to-do list for the future. I’m going to travel somewhere for fun on a bus.

Another thing that I will do when I am decontaminated is I will gradually start getting better clothing. I don’t know exactly what it will be, and I will have to try various things. I have always worn comfortable clothes, so it will still be something comfortable. But I might pick out a particular ‘style’ for myself. I might buy something more expensive than usual, expecting it to last a long time, since I won’t be contaminating clothes and throwing them away. I might buy something made of fur. Fur is one of the things that I want to get if I go visit the Arctic. I don’t want fancy fashion furs. I want the practical everyday furs that the Inuit used to wear. They are meant to be durable and meant to protect against Arctic cold, not meant to be ‘purely decorative’ the way most ‘fashion’ fur is. I might also make some of my own clothes, but they will be cheap, and they might be hand-stitched, without a sewing machine, and I could make them unfinished, without hems, and I could get the fabric maybe from the $0.29 clothes at Goodwill instead of buying new fabric.

But, again, all of my projects and to-do lists will be scaled down after I am non-manic. I am more manic than usual today, since I had an incident yesterday when I touched something while sorting through the orange tent. It was definitely St. John’s Wort.

It’s Saturday, and I don’t know whether I will be able to finish this completely before Wednesday. The Chinese Buffet food is *extremely* helpful. You can’t even imagine how much better I feel after I eat that way, versus after eating junk food and fast food. I get real vegetables and seafood and weird foods that aren’t available anywhere else, even seaweed. I eat the sushi, and I think that one of the sushis there might be rolled in caviar or something – it’s rolled in these little orange balls. Maybe I’ll google it. Yep, according to legend, this is indeed fish roe. It’s called tobiko. I always get the ones that have tobiko on them. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tobiko I love the beautiful pictures of the sushi. And fish eggs are one of the things that the Weston Price diet recommends as being very good for you. I got sick from trying to eat the ones that come in a jar at the grocery store, but the tobiko on the sushi doesn’t make me sick. Maybe the ones in the jar are bad quality or something. They might not be fresh enough.

Now I’m sort of obsessed with food, even though I just ate. My stomach was a little bit sensitive because I have been drinking tons and tons of caffeine over the past few days – I actually bought bottles of Coke to help me with this project. I won’t be drinking it all the time, just temporarily. I would have wanted to eat more if my stomach hadn’t been sensitive. So now I am reading about tobiko and raw quail eggs and thinking, ‘Wow, where can I buy tobiko and quail eggs?’ Those are exactly the type of things I would want to be eating to prepare for pregnancy.

Well, Phase 3 did not happen today. (Oops, did I ever explain why it was ‘phase 3?’ I forget – I will have to reread. I’ve already done two projects, yesterday and the day before, so I’m calling the next part Phase 3.) I only got a shovel, so that I don’t have to use the little tiny spade that I used before when I needed to dig a flatter place for the tent. I got a couple other things I needed too, not just a shovel. I rode the bus, and the bus is now a lot more full than it was a few weeks ago, now that the students are back. We have thousands of international students here, and I enjoy the sight of them – I think that foreign people are beautiful. I love the variety of people.

The other day, I rode the bus home with a whole bunch of packages from Wal-Mart. I was starting to walk up the hill with all my packages after I got off the bus, and a couple of Asian guys offered to help me with my bags. I tried to argue with them a little bit and explain that I had a long, long way to go, but I sincerely appreciated the help. Those poor guys walked ALL THE WAY up the mountain with me to the trail. The one guy said he was glad to know where the trail was, and he would be planning to hike up Mt. Nittany one day soon, now that he knew about the trail, so he said it was a good thing. Both of them were math students.

There is actually a sushi restaurant in town, but I’ve never had the courage to go there yet.

I’m looking at images now. Quail eggs are beautiful. They look like little semiprecious stones.

Everything on this blog looks beautiful: http://kitchen72.com/ I think I found them by looking for quails’ eggs, but I started looking at everything else there too. Yes, I am food obsessed now.

I know that I’m still manic right now, and I’ve been extremely overcaffeinated the last few days, and I accidentally got hit with St. John’s Wort yesterday, but… right now, I am looking forward to the future when I am able to start living my life again.

It’s strange, I’ve been so sure that I’m going to fail to complete this project in time. But even so, I’ve gotten a lot of work done. It’s almost impossible for me to do projects at home while I’m working full time at McDonald’s. I am so exhausted that I can barely do even the most trivial of tasks, like going shopping. When I’m on vacation, suddenly it becomes possible again to do something for myself at home. Even if I don’t complete my decontamination protocol, I will have done a lot. I will have to work on it again, and I’m afraid that I will fall into the months and months of the stagnant work routine again. I will need to get just a couple more days off to do just a little bit more work. I don’t need a huge amount of time, just a little tiny bit more time.

I saw a porcupine for the first time ever, up close, a couple days ago. I had just read on the sign at the bottom of the trail that, very soon, it would be porcupine hunting season. My reaction to this was, ‘Ha ha, there’s no such thing as porcupines!’ Porcupines are just a mythological creature. They don’t exist. It might as well be dragon hunting season or unicorn hunting season. All those photos of porcupines are faked.

But I was walking up the trail late at night, and I saw this THING, and I said, ‘What the fuck is THAT?’ I thought it was a skunk at first. Skunks are real. I’ve been seeing them a lot lately. I shined my light on it. It was this big, heavy, slow-moving, miserable looking creature. It didn’t stop walking just because I was standing there shining my light on it. It didn’t acknowledge me. It just kept going across the path. It had these long, thin, heavy spines all over it and they wobbled and moved as it walked. How do they sleep? How do they have sex? Aren’t they uncomfortable all the time? Do they ever hurt themselves? I was a little scared to get too close to it, because, according to legend, they can shoot their quills at you. But there are skeptics out there who claim that no, they cannot shoot their quills at you. But I was afraid that I would find out the hard way that the skeptics were wrong.

I think the quills are sort of like dreadlocks. They are a modified hair. Maybe the hairs knot themselves together like dreadlocks, and they have a barb at the end, like the loose ends of the dreadlocks. I should google it and find out how porcupine spines grow, and see what they look like up close. Rhinoceros horns are like dreadlocks too. I will google it.

Facebook will linger on and on for a long time

August 19, 2012

I was complaining about facebook today because they announced that we’re switching to the new timeline, which I hate. I said facebook was dead. However, to be more realistic, facebook won’t actually disappear. Yahoo still exists even though I find their websites intolerable to use. MySpace still exists even though *their* website is also even more intolerable to use. Facebook will be like them, just lingering on and on for years with nothing really going on, the pages getting messier and messier and harder to use, slower to load, more filled with garbage, more frustrating and badly designed, but not completely gone.  

Hopefully I will be cleaning up a little tonight

August 19, 2012

1:22 PM 8/19/2012

If all goes well, tonight I will be working with someone who is going to help me carry the trash down the mountain, the trash that contains the contaminated stuff that had been in the car. I still have to do some more cleaning up after that, but the manager told me that I am getting my vacation and that he was putting it on the schedule that he was making right now. I don’t know how far in advance this is, so it might be three weeks from now – they’ve been saying the schedules are now made three weeks in advance. I don’t know. But it will be soon rather than never. He actually told me this on his own without my asking him, so it wasn’t like I went up to him and was bugging him about it and pressuring him and making him feel guilty or annoyed so that he would say anything at all just to shut me up – it wasn’t like that.

We might not be able to meet each other – this is a busy guy who hauls stuff in his truck all day long – so we might end up not doing it tonight, but we said that we were going to. We’ve been talking about it on and off now for a few days and he wasn’t always able to know what he was doing on his unpredictable and ever-changing schedule. (He seems like he could be an LSE.)

I haven’t decided what I will be doing for the winter, but it’s not winter yet, and it isn’t yet an emergency. I will be able to tolerate living here in the fall, at least. I just have to make sure my tents are very well camouflaged so that they are not visible when the leaves fall. I’ve been sloppy about that during the summer because you can’t see them even when I don’t have the camo nets over them, if they are surrounded by leafy trees and underbrush.

The insanely awful McDonald’s NewPOS computer system is a sign of severe corruption in the McDonald’s Corporation.

August 17, 2012

8:55 PM 8/17/2012

The latest version of the McDonald’s NewPOS system is so bad that I feel I don’t even need to waste any time describing all the specific details of how horrible it is. It is unbelievable. Anyone who has used it has experienced things like buttons vanishing underneath other buttons so that you have to do several more clicks to get back to the previous screen to find them, or trying to make a grill slip for a special order (such as ‘no pickles’) for more than one sandwich at a time, and having to make a grill slip for each sandwich individually because you can no longer grill multiple sandwiches at one time. I myself wrote down a long list of things that were insanely stupid about the new system, and so did a bunch of the managers at my store, and the managers sent in the list of problems to someone – I don’t know to whom.

I could make a long list of every single thing that I hate about this system. I have forgotten some of the things that I hate because I’ve gotten used to them, and that bothers me. Our old system was an extremely fast, old-fashioned, ‘green screen’ system, with no pictures, nothing but abbreviations (such as ‘CHB’ for ‘cheeseburger’), and it was so fast and so easy to use that the user could not possibly push buttons faster than the system could respond. The new system is so slow that the user has to make an effort to slow down and wait for the lagging system to respond, while the customer obliviously continues ordering, till you say, ‘I’m sorry, just one moment…’ while you click through five or six more screens trying to get where you want, or trying to fix a mistake, and waiting for the lag with every screen.

Instead of describing all the details of what is insanely, grossly wrong with the system, AGAIN, yes, AGAIN, as it gets worse with every new update – instead, I’d like to give my impression of what this *means*. Why are they changing our system again and again, and making it less and less usable every time? The word that I have for this is ‘floundering,’ and it’s something that a business does whenever it is having severe problems with money and the business owners are afraid that the business is going to die.

I’m not sure who exactly is designing this system, but it’s somebody way high up in the McDonald’s business, so high up that they are unreachable. There is no contact information, no help forum, no way to talk to them and tell them what’s wrong with their system.

The system is so bad it’s like it was never even beta-tested. *Maybe* it was beta-tested. It works well enough that you don’t see blatant, obvious system crashes or error messages while using it, although there are still a few weird bugs. Just today, I was struggling to enter a couple of chicken snack wraps, and somehow, I don’t know how, I ended up with two separate pieces of grilled chicken added on, separate from the snack wraps, and when I tried to delete them, the system said, ‘You cannot delete this item’ or something to that effect, and the only way to fix it was to save the order, send it to the next computer where people take the cash, and go into the order and modify it there. I think I somehow put ‘extra grilled chicken’ onto the snack wraps and was trying to remove it, but it looked like it had successfully been removed, and the wraps were back to normal, but the two extra pieces of chicken were still sitting there and it was charging the customer $2.00 for them.

But those little bugs are actually not the things that bother me the most. What bothers me is the ergonomics. It takes dozens more clicks than it ought to take, to do things that need to be done quickly. You should have the fewest number of clicks to reach things that you use most often. But instead, they gave us ‘categories.’ Oh, look – we now have a whole bunch of different screens, each one with a category. I myself would rather see a bunch of random items jumbled together on one screen even if they had no particular ‘category,’ and I would just get familiar with where they were. I would like to see every pixel of the screen used up with no empty space, just so that we could have fewer clicks to get to everything! Every pixel of the screen should be filled with a touchable button. But no, we have screens with tons of empty space on them, and a whole bunch of extra categories that we don’t need, with only a couple items in each category. Why on earth do we have Dessert 1 and Dessert 2, each with only a couple items?

With the new update, the buttons have moved. Now you have to learn a whole new location for them. But there is no benefit to moving them there. Why is it better to have them in location Y instead of location X, where they were before?

The system is so bad that it causes us to make frequent mistakes. It greatly slows down the time it takes for us to take orders from the customers. ‘I apologize, I’m having a computer problem,’ I confessed to a customer today, while I clicked the button to turn off my headset so the customer wouldn’t hear me while I shouted, ‘ALL I WANT IS JUST A COUPLE OF GRILLED CHICKEN WRAPS! THAT’S ALL THAT I’M ASKING OF LIFE! JUST A COUPLE OF GRILLED CHICKEN WRAPS!’ One manager told me that when she used the system, it made her want to cry. That’s how I felt today.

But I said I wasn’t going to describe everything that was wrong with the system. Instead, I wanted to give my impression of what it might mean.

The people who make this system for us are ‘somebody’s buddy.’ That is how they got the job. How do I know that? Do I know who they are? Do I know whose buddy they are? Somebody’s incompetent brother or boyfriend or whatever got this job because he was a friend of a friend, and that is the only reason why he is here doing this job. He was not chosen because he was the best programmer or the best designer. He got it because he was someone’s friend, and they gave him a contract saying that he alone would exclusively design all of the McDonald’s NewPOS systems. (I might have mentioned this already, but one of my coworkers said that the POS in NewPOS stands for ‘Piece Of Shit’ instead of ‘Point Of Sales.’) I know that this person has to be nothing but somebody’s buddy, because the total, overwhelming, shocking, unbelievable, gross incompetence of this person makes it inconceivable that they could have been chosen for their high quality programming abilities.

I get the feeling that our company is ‘floundering.’ They want to waste their money on giving us this fancy new computer system and making stupid, unnecessary, unhelpful changes on it every so often, because they feel helpless to fix the things that are actually wrong with the company. I am getting the feeling more and more strongly that something is actually very wrong with this company. In fact, I’m starting to wonder if we might be having severe financial losses that aren’t known to the public yet. I’m wondering if we will even do layoffs or shut down stores. That’s just a thought. I haven’t heard any rumors about that.

I did recently hear, from a manager, that in some places they were outsourcing the order takers to a faraway call center, instead of taking the orders from inside the store. Woe to those order takers if they, too, are forced to use the NewPOS. But anyway, if we are considering making such extreme and drastic changes to the company, for the purpose of saving money by means of novelty and innovation and ingenuity – which I do admire, I admire the ingenuity of thinking of a separate call center for nothing but order takers – but, if we feel the need to innovate like this, it worries me. It suggests that something is wrong. Why, exactly, do we NEED to come up with some drastic innovations in order to save money and do things more efficiently? Is something WRONG?

There are so many other ways that we could improve our business that would be so much more appreciated by the employees, such as fixing equipment that never works, fixing things that break down over and over again. And instead of using an extremely expensive special contractor to fix things, use the people we already have working here within the store, people who know how to fix equipment just as well as those contractors, at a much lower price, people who will not secretly break and sabotage something every time they come here – that’s right, I’m paranoid, it’s that bad, but it’s true – every time the contractors come here to fix something, something else gets broken, and guess who gets called back (and paid) to re-fix it? Not a different contractor, but the exact same one who screwed it up. And they look the other way.

This latest destruction of the computer system is so extremely frustrating to me that I am actually getting the urge to quit working at McDonald’s. Can you believe that something like this would make me feel this way? It is actually *intolerable* for me to use this system. I spend a lot of time shouting and cursing and almost in tears. And so does every other employee. Would I consider leaving McDonald’s just because of this stupid system?

The system is a sign of how corrupt and slovenly and buddy-hiring our corporation has become. It’s a *feeling*. The feeling goes beyond just this mere computer system. It’s the whole attitude behind it, the attitude that they can get away with forcing us to put up with this garbage while hiding themselves away so they can’t hear our complaints, and we have no choice but to put up with it. They do it BECAUSE THEY CAN. And some incompetent programmer somewhere is getting rich – and you can bet that he gets paid A LOT to produce this utter, utter garbage.

But even if I didn’t quit voluntarily, the ‘floundering’ hunch makes me a little anxious. Our company is totally corrupt, and they are making pointless, harmful, random changes that do more damage, in a struggle to make things better or to save money or to somehow ‘spruce things up a little,’ hoping it will somehow make us more profitable while we are (possibly) secretly losing a huge amount of money somewhere in some secret back room in the accounting department, which the public hasn’t seen yet. I might not have to quit voluntarily. I might get laid off. Our store might get shut down. It’s unthinkable, isn’t it? Can you imagine McDonald’s admitting that it has huge losses and corruption in the company, and having to shut down stores and lay people off because of it?

I only know that this computer system makes me feel extremely frustrated, angry, and also anxious and suspicious. What’s going on in the company? How could this be allowed to happen? What’s being hidden from everyone? Is money being channelled away somewhere – perhaps from some secret hack inside this horrible computer system? Imagine if you were the programmer for a huge corporation that sold millions of hamburgers, and you were somebody’s buddy and you could do no wrong, and you could just feel free to screw up the system as much as you wanted and nobody would stop you. Would you like to secretly send money to your own little file somewhere, from all those cash registers, all those accounts, all those computers?

It’s only a hunch. I just know that this horrible computer system is a sign that something somewhere is extremely wrong and extremely corrupt in our company. I don’t know *exactly* what it is, but I am absolutely certain that this is very wrong.

****

I kept thinking about it after I posted this, and I would say that the reason it bothers me so much is because there are hundreds of potential computer programmers working at McDonald’s, people are smart enough and capable of doing it, people like me, who can instantly see how to make a much, much, much better computer system than this, but we are working as minimum wage employees, and the brother-in-law or buddy or friend-of-a-friend or whoever it is that made this garbage system is getting paid hundreds of thousands of dollars and is sitting on a beach somewhere getting drunk and then dashing off a quick bit of programming while drunk and in the middle of a party and sending it off to have it installed and forced on all of us and then going back to his party.  It really does make me feel like quitting.  It really does.  I absolutely know that I could make a better system than this even though I have minimal computer programming knowledge and experience.  It’s the *design* that is horrible.  I could design something a hundred times better that everyone would love to use and that wouldn’t make people scream and cry while struggling to use it.  I *know* that I could.  And this jerk who made this garbage is getting paid hundreds of thousands of dollars and doing the ‘sitting at a beach and partying and getting drunk and then dashing off a quick bit of programming’ thing.  That is what bothers me enough to make me want to quit my job.

Craigslist is hacked so badly, so completely, so brazenly, that it simply cannot be used at all, period.

August 15, 2012

So, who are the hackers making it totally impossible to use Craigslist? Are they the Craigslist employees themselves, or are they someone else, like government agents trying to hunt down prostitutes and drug dealers? Who is it that deletes every single ad that I post and, meanwhile, logs me out of my gmail at the same time, over and over again, every single time I try to use Craigslist?

I’m looking for alternatives to Craigslist, but I already know they won’t be as popular, and it might not be possible to find anybody who’s using them. It just makes me very angry to struggle over and over to use a webpage that is VERY OBVIOUSLY AND BRAZENLY being hacked, manipulated, and spied on, constantly, in broad daylight, shamelessly. They’re not even trying to hide the fact that they are hacking it and messing with me deliberately. They are not even trying to hide themselves at all. They just casually break into my computer while I’m using it and while I’m struggling over and over again to post an ad, they mess with my computer while I’m on it, EVERY SINGLE TIME I USE CRAIGSLIST. This is extremely annoying, especially because I am trying to do very important things that will greatly improve my quality of life. I *have* to do these things in order to survive. I am in the process of trying to hire people to help me with my daily chores and tasks that I cannot get done by myself, and the Craigslist hackers simply will not allow me to post my ads AT ALL. I got one ad up for the thing that I don’t really need right now, and the one thing that I really was determined to get done, they won’t let me do, no matter what. Again, I’m looking for alternatives, but I expect them to be empty websites that nobody ever uses.

“Take This Waltz”: LSE/EII duality!

August 14, 2012

I absolutely loved this movie and I cried through parts of it, even some parts that weren’t explicitly sad, like somewhere near the beginning, when they had just gotten off the plane together and were walking side by side through the crowd of people and the music started playing – I suddenly started crying. I loved the music in this movie. I had goosebumps all over my entire body through some parts of the movie. I really want to see it again but I don’t think I will be able to because I have to work.

The EII guy who she’s falling in love with looks exactly like a couple of people: the vampire Edward from the Twilight movies (I can’t remember the actor’s name), and a guy Rob, who used to work at McDonald’s years ago, who was dating an LSE girl at the time, and when I first walked in, when I first started working there, he looked directly into my eyes across a crowded room, and I remembered that moment, and he had these huge, gigantic, expressive eyes just like the guy in this movie and like other EIIs often do. I had some rather intimate conversations with the two of them, him and his girlfriend at the time. Maybe I shouldn’t even post what it was that we said. We talked about some intimate sexual topics. I bet if I mentioned this to her she would remember exactly what we talked about. I liked them because of how openly they talked about these things with me.

The husband in the movie might have actually been another EII, but sometimes you are more compatible with one dual than you are with another, for a lot of reasons that are hard to explain.

I absolutely loved this movie.

Is McDonald’s going to outsource its order takers to a call center?

August 11, 2012

I don’t have time to write about this right now – I’m already almost late for work – but a manager told me that in some places, McDonald’s was outsourcing its drive-thru order takes (me) to another location, a call center, where all the orders would go, and they would do nothing but take orders constantly.

I wish I had more time to comment about this. It’s a stroke of genius, and a stroke of insanity at the same time. If those poor order takers are using the NewPOS system (a coworker said that NewPOS stands for ‘piece of shit’ and not ‘point of sale’), then we will have a fun time trying to figure out what ‘Ask Me’ means for every single order… but I don’t have enough time to write everything that I think about this idea…

Real estate bubble: Another trailer park is selling its land, and a business is moving out of the mall

August 9, 2012

9:21 PM 8/9/2012

This will be only a small blog, not a big essay. A couple of things happened that are making me suspect that something bad might be happening with the economy. I mean, something bad is *always* happening with the economy. But it might be something a little bit more bad, again, another crash. Then again, it might not be. I thought something big and bad was going to happen when JP Morgan declared a big loss a few months ago. Nothing happened right away. Our economic system is totally corrupted, and so it will always have periodic bubbles and crashes, but you don’t know the exact moment when they will happen.

Kranich’s Jewelers is moving out of the Nittany Mall. I have always believed that the rent for the stores in the mall was too high. The stores always come and go. But Kranich’s is a ‘serious’ business that has been there a long time, or at least, I believe they have been. I haven’t actually paid attention to the time when they first came to the mall, but as far as I know, they’ve ‘always’ been there. Whenever a long-term, reliable, serious business closes, it’s a bad sign for the economy. It’s not really closing, it’s going to a new location out of the mall. But still, that means that its mall location is not profitable. The price of mall rent is too high, which means the price of land is too high. I heard the advertisement on the radio.

Maybe that isn’t a bad sign. Maybe it’s normal. I just had a bad feeling about it.

And now, some people are telling me that the other trailer park on North Atherton Street is being sold. So, I guess all the people have to move out. All the trailer parks on that side of town have been sold. They do this because the price of land is very high, and they decide that they can ‘get rich quick’ by selling the land for millions of dollars, instead of just keeping the land and letting the tenants pay rent on it. For whatever reason, they don’t just raise the price of the rent. I don’t know why. But, that has happened several times already with the other trailer parks that used to be there. I hate that, because I think that trailer parks are great, and no, I’m not being sarcastic. They are the only affordable homes in the whole town. I myself considered a trailer before I decided to be homeless instead. But again, this is a sign that the price of land is very high right now, high enough to tempt people to sell out and get rich quick. This land owner must feel like they are winning the lottery, like they have to sell right now before they lose the opportunity, before the price of the land goes down again.

I assume that they will rezone the land into a business zone, and they will build more mini-malls there, which is what they always do. One of the trailer parks that sold didn’t build a mini-mall, it just built some weird stuff, like some ‘Habitat For Humanity’ houses or something – but there are far fewer of those than there were of the trailers, and you have to fill out forms and ask permission and you have to officially prove that you’re poor in order to be allowed to live in a Habitat For Humanity house, as far as I know – but again, I’ve never looked into it, so I don’t know that for sure. In the past, if you were poor, you could just rent a trailer there, without getting any special permission or proving that you were poor. Bill Gates could have chosen to live in the trailer park if he wanted to. But now, you have to *actually be poor* in order to be allowed to live there, which is stupid. I could be wrong about all this, but that’s my understanding of how it works. Why would they destroy a trailer park that had more spaces, more people, and transform it into a special building where they have fewer spaces, fewer people, and you have to get special permission to be allowed to live there? I don’t like what they’ve done with that land at all. But the previous owner got rich quick by selling out.

These are just bad signs. The economy, as I said, is always unstable due to the total systemic global corruption. But I wonder if it’s going to have another ‘incident’ of some kind in the near future.

What incidents happened recently?

August 2, 2012

5:53 PM 8/2/2012

I’ve still been writing emails to Rick, using the address that he recognizes – he is able to filter them out if he wants to, since I warned him that this would happen. I don’t have a lot of time to retell the story. I’m on my lunch break at work right now.

I am not sure which particular incident might possibly have prompted him to talk to the forum people again. He didn’t log in to the forum. I suspect he might have contacted one of them privately, and one of them might have clicked on a link to my blog from within a private email. It gave me a link as though it was a regular forum post, but it said I had to be logged in to view that page, and the page didn’t appear on google.

There was the incident a while ago where I wrote to him at a different address than the one I usually wrote to, and he didn’t have a filter set up at that address, so he saw them, and responded, telling me to use my common sense, that if he wanted to talk to me, he would already be doing so. That was during a manic incident when I was finding out that my hair had tobacco smoke and other substances in it. That was when I decided to shampoo my hair a bunch of times to decontaminate, and that worked very well. I no longer have manic attacks every time my hair gets wet. But during that particular incident, I was very crazy and wasn’t able to talk to him in a normal way.

Then there was a more recent incident where I contacted him and wrote my return address as an unfamiliar email address that his filter would not recognize. He got the letter. I don’t like to remember the things that I was forced to write during manic attacks – they are extremely annoying things – but I remember that I was asking him if there was anything I could do to change the way that he felt about me. He gave me a sarcastic reply. I wrote another letter saying something to the effect of, ‘No, seriously, I really want to meet you, and I would try to join one of your language exchange groups – would you let me do that?’ He was having discussion groups where people practice using a foreign language. He didn’t reply to anything else. Those were the only two incidents recently where I wrote anything that would get ‘past the filter.’ Everything else has been from the email address that he recognizes.

I have been just quietly writing him a letter almost every day from the filtered address, hoping that he will choose to read them instead of automatically deleting them. So, there were two major incidents somewhat recently where I Went past the filter and contacted him, in the past few months.

Thanks to those people who take me seriously

August 2, 2012

Every once in a while I find out that people are taking me seriously and believing me. I really appreciate it.