The heater isn’t working and I can’t move over to the RV but I can’t explain why

November 10, 2017

It seems like it would be better to start living over there even without heat. I tried to get it working and I talked to Paul at Centre RV. He’s really busy because all the football loving douchebags with their RVs (I’m guessing) are all in town. They were really busy with another RV when I tried to go tell him what was wrong with my heater, after having talked to him several times. I’m parking the truck in the laundromat lot and trying to move it in the early morning every day so the cleaning crew won’t start noticing it and have it towed or give it a ticket. I forgot to buy more cat food and both the dry and wet food are gone, and Jacob is fussing because he wants wet food and there’s only some dry left in the bowl. I won’t get any sleep. I don’t have enough money and didn’t get my hours back at MM after telling them I want to work. It’s helpful to have this time off temporarily while working on moving, if only he would fix my heater as soon as possible.

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Facepalm, I sent two tweets to a coworker

November 7, 2017

I’ve been driving my truck around all day, running errands. I bought it yesterday with three credit cards. I’m not working enough hours to pay for this. I’ll have to increase my hours greatly, after I finish moving in, but it will be easier to work if I have a vehicle and don’t come to work already exhausted every day from riding my bike to work.

I haven’t moved Jacob yet. I don’t have heat yet. I do have an electric blanket. I’m getting other stuff ready over there, like moving the bags so you can walk, because I had stuff piled all over the floor. Right now I’m taking some bags of trash from the tent.

I hated some things about the truck, but I’m getting used to it. I took off a toxic air freshener from the air vent. It was a horrible chemical scent that had no resemblance to anything real. After that it was better. I put a carbon monoxide detector in the car. I’m doing okay. I drove it all over, all day long, and I’m not sick from it. One thing I still hate is the stereo, which was installed by a former owner. It is insane. That is all.

I posted a couple tweets about the truck only to see later that I sent them to the number of a coworker, and it might not be his number anymore, because he hasn’t answered any recent text messages. I rarely text him and only have his number for emergencies.

I’m going to sleep in the tent tonight. I just want to move over to the camper gradually, after I make it livable. But I need a break from running around and test driving my truck.

overexcitement

November 6, 2017

I did get to see the guy who I have a bit of a crush on, after he was very friendly and gave me a hug one night when he was drunk. Still guessing his type, still feeling like ENTJ even though he’s seemingly quite easygoing. It’s his lack of emotional expression and his strong resemblance to a previous ENTJ I knew – his speaking style or timbre. I felt a flush of fearful overexcitement which was partially secondhand-empathic-pheromone, as I think some was from him. He is probably embarrassed to see me if he doesn’t quite remember what he did. He also chews tobacco, which strongly intensifies those secondhand feelings that I get – I’ve experienced it before. It’s like low blood sugar almost. A feeling of panic. Like the stress or anxiety is overwhelming and unbearable. I have felt all this before. I would love to talk with him at a moment when I myself am as decaffeinated as possible, so that I can respond with the smallest amount of added anxiety.

Mandatory universal home ownership with government guaranteed loans, 100 years from now

November 6, 2017

I tried to predict a realistic likely future, where the existing trends of stupidity, evil, and insanity get even worse. There will be mandatory universal home ownership and mandatory universal schooling, both backed by government guaranteed loans. As of today, in reality, university expense goes up and up infinitely because the government backs the loans. So they make up new fake costs for the school and raise tuition every year. But in the future, you go to jail or pay a fine if you refuse to go to college. And you also go to jail if you refuse to buy a house. When the government guarantees home loans, costs will increase even faster than now. Houses will greatly increase in size (by law – fire codes and other fake excuses). Lawns will be a mile long and you’re required to mow them with a riding mower or go to jail, and it’s illegal to plant food or graze farm animals on the lawn “because of diseases.” You’re required to buy grocery food. Individual farms are illegal. The only people allowed to have babies are blond haired Christian SJ personality types, the same ones who are already allowed to have kids. Typism is rampant, but covert – you’re not allowed to know that types exist and that only some types have permission to breed. The internet will be fully censored and you won’t be able to find the truth anywhere, but the sheeple will take it for granted that the childless, victimized, miserable slaves have only themselves to blame for their suffering, and will write happy blogs with photos of their kids, assuming anybody can live this dream, freely. They’ll pay $5,000,000 in loans for mandatory school and $20,000,000 for the mandatory house, and love it. Population will go down, not up, in every modern country, and you can go months without seeing anyone’s child anywhere in public, but this will be seen as normal by almost everyone.

Washington Post likes daylight saving time, which proves they are brainless trolls

November 5, 2017

I don’t have time to write because I’m stuck at work. Daylight saving time, and mandatory universal government time, are evil insanity. That’s why I want my own …. thing. Words are being removed from my brain. The sunlight clock with shadows.

The not warm hat

November 3, 2017

I bought it at Uni-Mart on impulse, but I did actually need one. It’s all polyester, has almost no warmth, and has no chin adjuster strap to make it fit tightly around my face. The ear flaps are for show. A real hat has holes for the ears so you can hear, and you button the flap down to cover the holes if you want. Real animal fur is warm. I had a real fur hat in the past. It’s theoretically possible to use animals for meat and fur with minimal cruelty, especially prolonged cruelty over time. But also, even something like sheep wool is better than that hat fabric. I just liked the orange color. Meanwhile I need to ask those people where they bought their multicolored doormat I posted on twitter a few months ago. The colors are as intense as pastel crayons! I’ve never seen such colors in fabric. It must be a wonderful place to go if such a beautiful doormat is in front of the door.

What do you say out loud, versus what you’re aware of but don’t say

November 3, 2017

Socionics encompasses the hidden information, what you know but don’t say. I’m aware of the -Te, “it costs too much,” but I don’t talk about it out loud. In my weird sixteen component socionics model, “Hitta’s Chart,” -Te is in my 8th function (disvalued but strong) alongside +Ti. I’m aware that movies are expensive, but I don’t care! It was worth it (+Te, positive judgment of money spending, my 2nd function) because I liked it. I’m capable of knowing when things are expensive, but don’t care to openly say so in conversation, and feel bored or irritated if others do (disvalued strong id functions). I always emphasize that i liked something enough for it to be worth the money. But I complain about negative Si, “bad ergonomics” or “it doesn’t work the way I want it to.” Everyone has these information elements in some part of their psyche. When confronted with data about your money, do you feel helpless or strong, is it positive or negative, specific or general, and so on. Every piece of information that enters a human brain from any source is processed through these socionic functions, and is associated with good or bad feelings. Do you get bored by a particular type of information? Probably an id function, which is seen as boring or stupid, ranging towards outright evil. Is it interesting, memorable, enjoyable to talk about? Probably an ego function. And so on. The web pages about socionics have some discussion of this, but Rick’s page was the best. The one that comes up first in a search, socionics.com, is good enough to start with.

Plus and minus signs

November 3, 2017

I can show how the plus and minus signs type those people. The suicide girl: -Ni, negative perception of a process occurring over time (“committing suicide a hundred times a day for the rest of my life.”) Beta! “It wasn’t that great for $10.50.” Negative financial logic – makes decisions based on “It costs too much,” and complains openly that things cost too much. -Te, Gamma! Lots-of-languages guy: possibly Delta, but I don’t know – I know from experience that Deltas may seek to be multilingual and they like “alternatives,” -Ne, but I’m not sure. I also didn’t hear what he said, other then noting that other languages were being used, and mentioning moments when that happens. I don’t know which information element it is, but it’s compatible with mine: I am also capable of noticing and discussing the fact that other languages were used. The “something about the actors” guy, a perceiver, either INFP or ENFP – possibly a dual, just an impression, again not sure. +Fi of Delta is about “specific people.” These are *information elements*. Which information do you see, and how does it make you feel? I myself was very disturbed when Ryan Gosling punched the black guy, even though “they” have been forcing me to talk about racism. I did not like that part at all.

Okay – it was Blade Runner 2049

November 3, 2017

or whatever that number was. I saw it like six or seven times over the past few weeks because I had time off during which I was moving out of the tent. All the people in the theater – it was very crowded every time – had strong reactions and a lot to say. The movie was strongly Delta Quadra, with Ryan Gosling and Harrison Ford. If you had an intense negative response, then you’re probably Beta. One drama queen said something like, “I would rather commit suicide a hundred times a day for the rest of my life than have to watch that movie again,” very loudly. (You just typed yourself ENFJ, my conflictor, without taking the test! Thank you!) Meanwhile, an intelligent guy was talking to his friend all about the many different languages being used in the film. That guy gets it. I could talk to him. Other cool people were saying something about the actors in the film. That’s good, you have something to say, an observation, a strong response. The guy on the dating website summed it all up with “It wasn’t that great for $10.50.” Really??? Is that ALL you can find to say about Blade Runner? Even after I had said a few of my reactions to the movie?

The lunatic moron may have been a different guy – what he did wrong, anyway

November 3, 2017

I passionately loathe all dating websites, mostly because I’m extremely picky. I’m picky about the people I date, and picky about how the website should function.

This guy may have been another guy who was relatively decent, but still wrong. First, socionic type is life or death essential, and I think he’s the wrong type. But I can verbalize what he did wrong.

My title was a question about the movie I liked. The conversation would obviously be about that. He devoted a grand total of one shallow sentence with no detail to talking about the movie. Maybe two sentences. I’m sure he lied about having seen it at all. He then started what I call begging, but not as badly as the other lunatic moron, making me suspect it might not be the same lunatic moron. “Please consider me” (Wait, we’re talking about the MOVIE. Did you just dismiss my conversation topic as unimportant and make the jump straight to begging me to fuck you? We’re talking about the movie.) This will be a guy who is the wrong type forever – shallow, one sentence discussion of a topic that was full of millions of ideas to unfold and examine. There were hundreds of thoughts and feelings and perceptions of this movie that could be discussed. There were all the observations made by the other people in the movie theater after it was over – I heard them all talking and it was plenty of deep discussion. You must enjoy the conversation as an end in itself aside from how quickly it leads to you getting fucked. I can use tools to have an orgasm. I don’t merely need an orgasm object. I need a person whose brain is so enjoyable to interact with that I want to spend endless hours in his company.

Luxurious hospital stays – their joke, not mine

November 3, 2017

I don’t actually WANT to stay in a hospital. I would strongly prefer a spa at a monastery on a self-sufficient organic permaculture farm.

Doing calculations for the truck purchase; some idiot on POF

November 3, 2017

I decided to make my POF profile visible very briefly and was instantly approached by a lunatic moron who pestered me years ago, but he had a different username and I didn’t recognize him immediately because they all look alike. All men look like a bald fat potato in their selfies. I made my own selfie a not-very-flattering potatohead shot as well. That’s why they need long hair and beards. So anyway this was just another potatohead. But he instantly started begging and was unable to hold a conversation about the chosen topic, which was a movie I saw, and I’m sure he lied about having seen it and had nothing specific to say. I made the profile invisible again. If I don’t have time to search for others, then others cannot find me.

I had a dream where the voice said they got me this “chicken plank” (a young boy) so why was I on that site looking for someone else? I don’t actually HAVE the “chicken plank” and rarely see him, always at the worst time.

I’m ready to buy the truck. I got my new credit card. The truck rental guy said yes. I did calculations to imagine how much miserable slavery I must do for a whole year, assuming nobody sprays pesticide to make me lose my job for a couple months. And assuming no crashes or breakdowns, and no personal progress or projects, no solar panels for the RV, no trade school, no disasters, and assuming life goes perfectly. No rest or free time or vacation for a year. No expensive organic food. No nice clothes. No luxurious hospital stays. I don’t know… but I’m going to do it.

Fasting makes you so sick you can’t eat even after the fast is over

October 31, 2017

12:06 PM 10/31/2017

So after that unusually long fast the other day, whenever that was, my previous day off – I guess it was Sunday? – I ate only a very small bit of food in the middle of the night, just some dried fruits and nuts. Then I was able to eat more later. I’m reading about it, and some people experience vomiting when they try to eat again after fasting. I’m noticing that I feel quite sick, and right now, I’m so sick I can barely eat, although I did have a caffeine pill this morning. I can take a few bites of food, but that’s all. I’m at Uni-Mart and I just ordered hash browns, which is just a tiny envelope with a tiny handful of potato disks. So, the fasting method makes you so sick you become unable to eat anymore, and then you lose weight partly because of that. I’m guessing that’s how it works.

I have a whole bunch of stuff to do today, because I’m stuck here camping and it’s getting cold and I have nothing. I’m going to get some of that blue insulation at Walmart, which I will put inside my sleeping bags, and I need some thick clothes, which I will try to find at Goodwill or the thrift store. The blue camping mats will help greatly. Those by themselves can just be added infinitely and are a million times cheaper than a new sleeping bag, which is $100 or more if I buy a good one for winter.

But yeah…. I can’t eat. I can barely nibble, and I’m drinking some juice and coffee. The horrible instant coffee could contribute to my being sick, though. But the fasting is definitely the main cause.

I’m not any skinnier – the belly fat is still there – but I feel a sensation of being ‘sucked in’ in my abdomen, as though something is pulling inwards. Sometimes it triggers a strange, sickening, oxytocin-like feeling of pleasure mixed with nausea and a feeling of being ‘violated.’ The feelings I get from fasting linger for several days after the fast. I know it takes a couple days for food to go all the way through the intestines, so the empty space in the intestines takes a couple days to pass through.

People who fast for a longer period have an even harder time getting back on food again without vomiting. They have to slowly reestablish whatever it is, the enzymes or bacteria or something.

Raw meat – that’s what I’ve been thinking of. I’m eating more protein and am trying to get the best foods when I do buy food – protein-rich foods. But if I could get raw organ meats, that would be the right thing to do, I’m sure of it.

I’m reading other people’s opinions and blogs about intermittent fasting. I enjoyed one called ‘food can wait.’ That’s the URL. I’m not sure what the actual title is. – Okay, I googled it, that’s the title.

There is something *wrong* with the bodies of people who are fat. I don’t remember which metal it is, but arsenic, cadmium, lead, and mercury early in life will permanently embed themselves in your tissues and cannot be removed, and they are one reason why you permanently are fat while other people aren’t. I myself became permanently fat under some circumstances where I was living next to a probably-toxic farmer’s field, and I wonder if agricultural chemicals were involved, but it also happened during a time when I had one, and only one, cup of alcohol. I believe alcohol permanently ruins your body after only one cup, and that’s what made me permanently fat.

I just think it’s wrong that there are some people who have to fight this huge battle to lose weight, while others do nothing. It’s unfair. It’s obviously something very, very wrong with their whole body, permanently, through no fault of their own. It’s not merely because of ‘overeating.’ Why would they gain back the weight even while fasting and barely eating at all? People who are struggling to lose weight will gain it back even while doing extreme diets. There is *something wrong* and it’s not their fault. And I don’t like oversimplified explanations that are vague and that don’t explain the details of how it works, like ‘Their fat thermostat is set too high’ or whatever. *How* does that work?

Anyway…. I have a lot to do. I’m charging my phones right now. I’ll stay till they’re charged, at least.

Oh, I was going to say, my hips feel better. I don’t know if it’s because I reduced caffeine, or because of fasting. People say fasting helps arthritis. It definitely helps, whichever it was. Also, I *totally disagree* with the people who insist you should drink coffee and tea while fasting. Those are totally counterproductive. They might not make you gain weight, and they might help you lose weight, but they are very bad for you. Both are toxic and malnourishing and unhealthy for your brain. When you fast, you should learn to quit all forms of caffeine, too. And there are people who are on a dozen different psych meds who are talking about fasting, on these forums, and they want to reverse the weight gain caused by meds, without stopping meds.

Others say they took meds and stopped, but never lost the weight. CONTAMINATION. They need to get rid of all their clothing and all their furniture and the fabric of their car seats and their carpets. I’ve experienced it. It doesn’t wash out of clothing and it causes weight gain. The weight gain went away when I threw away the clothes.

Anyway my hip joints are improved. I also feel lighter when I walk, but I know I’m not really lighter. I haven’t weighed myself. I don’t have a scale. I only did at the YMCA, and I haven’t been there in months. I was around 150. At max I might have been 155.

Eureka! What’s wrong with my code? Answer: I’m an idiot

October 30, 2017

I just had a glorious shining success after hours of frustrating failures. I can’t explain. I’m still doing “Axe In Inventory,” although right now the object is a pick. I’ve been doing Axe In Inventory since last fall right before Mom died. (It’s like Billy Crystal working on “The Night Was.”) I’m trying to make an inventory that resembles Terraria. I’m copying Terraria just to learn how to use GameMaker, kind of like how I used to copy cartoon characters while learning to draw.

I tried a new thing where I made an array. Now I’ve been trying to put the pick into the array if the little guy touches the pick. I was able to get it to work or fail in unpredictable, unexplainable ways. Finally after hours of torture, I noticed that I had a whole separate action saying to destroy the pick if you touched it. In this GameMaker, the thing lets you make separate little boxes with bits of code in them, but it can be confusing and you can forget what you did elsewhere in another box if you can’t see it. It’s probably best to keep it in the same place.

I suddenly saw that I had an “if” statement asking whether or not the pick had been destroyed. Of course it’s been destroyed, you moron! It always gets destroyed! No matter what you do in this little block of code, it’s already been destroyed because you set it to be destroyed in that OTHER action box! Duh! No wonder my IF results were weird and strange and made no sense! I can’t even explain. It was just wrong.

My little text file where I’m writing my thoughts and pseudocode says “fuck! fuck! fuck!” and a bunch of @&$+$(@(‘;;#-$%(@+ symbols.

another fast, and this downpour is ending for now

October 30, 2017

I’m at home in the tent. I fasted for about 21 hours, just approximately, but that’s partly because it poured rain constantly since, I don’t know what day. Today is Monday morning, and I think the rain began after the football game on Saturday. Now we have cold wind.

I’m not very verbose right now. I withdrew from coffee too and had only a few sips of instant just now. I have a feeling of optimism. I’m going to be able to do this. I will get a car, but remain interested in using alternatives, such as electric bikes and other things. I won’t forget. As soon as I have to deal with titles, registrations, inspections, repairs, and gas expense, I will long for the convenience of bikes.

I also will miss interacting deeply with the landscape. You can only see the flowers, fruits, weeds, and so on while walking or biking.

I saw my favorite customer. He seems to appear on weekends, but I also saw him in the day, I just never work day shift. His recent befriending seems to correlate with Blaire being here.

I’m playing Terraria, partly to keep myself away from facebook forums. But the game is slowed down since the developers fucked up the update. That’s one reason why I want to make a game of my own.

I want 100% natural fruitcake. No colors. I also want my essential oils again. I got sick of them after vaporizing them for hours while I sat at a table in the laundromat. I am feeling that love of life again. I know I can do this. I’m about to run out of text characters. But I love October, the harvest, Halloween, and I will love Christmas again, the solstice. It’s a feast, with moderate gifts, not meant to be $5,000 debts for toys. I will own land and bring my people there.

slightly reduced caffeine today and slightly fasted

October 26, 2017

It wasn’t a really long fast. I think it might have been a 14 hour fast or something, since I ate in the middle of the night last night. I also had a cup of decaf at about 8pm last night, and I’m having a cup of horrible instant coffee now.

I’m feeling cold, but the clothes sold at Walmart are purely decorative. You could put on eight layers and still have no heat. I bought a sweater made of acrylic just because I was in a hurry and cotton isn’t available. Synthetics hold body odor for eternity. I don’t use “real” deodorant, I use a compromise one, which is “slightly natural.” It doesn’t stop all the odor.

I’m waiting for a reply from Wells Fargo. Somebody recently said it was the only one that hadn’t had something happen with regard to the mortgage crisis, something like a fee to pay to the government as punishment or something. The written voice of Wells Fargo is the same as PayPal and the same as Christian Grey from that horrible shades of grey thing. It’s Beta ST, either ISTJ or ESTP. Also, some hacker-detective reminded me of a forgotten account I never used at another bank, when Jesse wanted me to help him buy a car, and it didn’t work out. They sent me an email from that bank to remind me they existed. I’ve lost all the paperwork and can’t even login. So I’ll have to contact them.

I successfully got a new card from one bank where I made one single stock trade and never did it again. It’s still sitting there in stockland just existing. It’s an ETF or something. It has to go up an enormous amount merely to compensate for the fees. Like, $20 to buy it, and $20 to sell it, so it has to rise more than $40, which might happen after a few decades. I just wanted to learn how it was done. That was why I did that. I don’t know if the Robinhood trading app is safe and trustworthy, but my McD friend Eric told me about it and said it’s free. What I would do is, use the Warren Buffett methods in the Preston Pysh videos, and trade for free.

A very long rant about the differences between me and some other socionic types – ISFP, INFP; and about how I am becoming a draconian dictator in my middle age and an anti-libertarian; how I disagree with people when I actually agree with them

October 24, 2017

2:37 PM 10/24/2017

I won’t be able to go see Corey Goode when he comes to Philadelphia this weekend. There’s a something expo, I forget the name of it. That’s okay, I’m considering moving to Boulder, CO like I always wanted to all these decades, so I’ll be immersed right in the middle of the Gaia TV thing anyway if I do.

I had been planning to write about a couple more things but I feel like I want the previous unsent text messages to go through first before I can continue writing the long post about socionics. I had already written two, thinking that sooner or later, the messages would send successfully, but they still haven’t.

Okay – I did finally get them to send.

Today my one job is to go to Walmart and buy a new pair of shoes. The sole is flapping open and I have electrical tape around it, from the drawer of junk at work. It’s certainly not *my* tape. I buy dozens of rolls of duct tape and stuff every year and they always vanish into some storage unit somewhere, so I buy more of them, then suddenly I have 27 of them all barely used.

Okay! Plus and minus signs, and the difference between me and the ISFP coworkers. Also, a funny incident.

Blaire (ESTJ, Delta, mirror relation) found a friend-of-a-friend and is trying to get him hired at MM. He’s black, but socionics can overcome racism. Incidentally, I also liked the other black guy who worked here for a while, but have no idea what type he was. I suspect that this new guy, believe it or not, might possibly be an INFJ of Delta, or possibly an INTJ Alpha.

There was an amusing incident the other night. I was sitting at a table with Blaire after getting out of work, and I was using my laptop. The other guy, CJ, was also there at another table, kind of talking to us or just doing his own thing, I don’t know what, using his phone or something.

Blaire looked up and noticed there was a light switch on the wall by the tables, which I had never seen before. ‘Flip that switch and see what it does,’ she said to CJ, who was sitting at the table beside the switch. He looked at it suspiciously, as though she was playing a prank on him, as though the light switch would do something terrible.

He made a big show of standing up, opening his backpack, taking out a pouch, opening the pouch, taking out his eyeglasses, putting them on, and then leaning forward to peer closely at the light switch, but still did not touch it. Blaire and I were watching this whole process with anticipation and impatience.

‘Just flip it! I want to see what it does,’ she said.

‘I think it doesn’t do anything at all,’ I said, partly because I figured it probably didn’t, since it was out in the lobby where customers could reach it, and we wouldn’t want random customers to have the ability to turn our lights on and off, and also, just to reassure him that he wasn’t being pranked.

Finally Blaire got up and walked over there herself, but then he put his hand over the switch so she couldn’t flip it. That’s when I started laughing. She shoved his hand aside, flipped the switch, and a bunch of lights went out right over us, but not all the lights, and we all were laughing. It was anticlimactic.

Wanting to know what a switch does, to operate a machine, has something to do with Delta STs. This is something Blaire and I both relate to.

There are some observations of socionics at socionist.blogspot.com, where Rick has made an effort to stop himself from thinking about socionics, and he has questioned a lot of its assumptions. It’s actually a very valuable read. One thing he has observed is that he gets along with perceivers, regardless of quadra, as he himself is a perceiver. However, he’s not working at a traditional job, so he isn’t stuck with people who have power over him. When someone has power over you at a job, that is when the worst of the conflicts occur. Even with my own identicals, ISTP, I am still uncomfortable and in conflict with them if they have power over me, if they decide and I must obey.

But some of my most angry conflicts were with my superego INFP types at Taco Bell. Two of them became managers there. Taco Bell’s culture was anathema to my entire way of being. But one incident illustrates the difference betweeen the INFP and ISTP, superego relation.

Under stress, the conflicts are worst. If I am on the slightest dose of any drug at all, even something allegedly benign like turmeric, which causes me to become very angry, and if we have any kind of pressure at work, like we’re really busy, that’s when I can have the worst conflicts with the superego relation.

There was this one time when, I think, both of the INFP managers were there, and we were extremely busy. I had to go open up a new cardboard box to get some more wraps, the flour tortillas. For me, hurrying to get the tortillas so that they could use them at the table, to make the orders for all the customers who were waiting for their food and in a hurry – doing this quickly was the most important thing.

But for the INFP, something else is more important, as a workplace manager. I opened the box, and grabbed the tortillas, and left the box on the shelf with the flaps still attached. They started yelling at me to go get a box cutter and cut off the box flaps, right now, in the middle of an extremely busy time when there are more important and urgent things to do. I never cut the box flaps off. But they want the box to be neatly shaped, with a perfectly open top and no flaps, so you have to neatly slice all the flaps off so that it’s easy to get into it the next time.

That is the -Ni function: prevent something in the future. You have to prevent the box from being hard to get into, in the distant future. Nothing else matters but that. The long line of customers doesn’t exist. All that matters is a minor inconvenience in the distant future.

It’s also valuing +Ti: the box has to be perfectly neatly shaped in a particular way, according to specific measurements. -Ni is also ‘making other people wait.’ They don’t mind at all making the customers wait. In fact, people in the Beta quadra *enjoy* waiting for something. If they have to wait for something, it’s *better*. Having a long line wrapped around the building where you sit in your car for fifteen minutes starving actually makes Taco Bell the best place in town. They enjoy painfully starving and resisting the hunger urge, because that demonstrates their physical strength, which is valued (-Se), and they enjoy ignoring pain (disvalued -Si) instead of doing something to relieve the pain. -Ni is ‘waiting until the right moment.’

I, on the other hand, wait for something when I have to, but I’m not happy about it. I’m always waiting for the right time when something is ready, before I can do something, but I don’t *value* doing that. I also don’t try to plan ahead and prepare for every possible scenario that might happen and try to stop them all before they happen.

So, for instance, sometime in the distant future, it might be difficult to get into that cardboard box because the flaps are still on and you have to open them or move them in order to get into the box. For the INFP manager under pressure during a crazy busy moment with long lines of customers, it’s all-important to take time right now to prepare for that eventuality in the future.

I got in such a huge argument over this trivial thing that I was angry enough to either punch somebody or just walk off the job then and there. That’s an example of the stupid, idiotic, trivial things that superego relations can have a fight about. It’s an irreconcilable fight where neither side ever wins, nobody ever surrenders, neither can ever agree that the other is right and they’re being an idiot. It’s a question of having totally different VALUES, which is why socionics is so much better than the American version of the Myers-Briggs. Socionics understands that particular types have particular values and disvalues.

I recall another incident with a female suspected INFP when I worked at Weis. These are the moments when I’m so angry I’m ready to shout at someone, or walk off the job, or hit someone. I just remember I was working in the deli/food service area, and some customer ordered a Reuben sandwich. I went to the store shelves to go get some seeded rye bread. That’s because I love rye bread best of all the grains, as a personal preference. we were out of rye bread because we didn’t use it very often and didn’t keep it in the deli. But I cared about making it with rye because rye was the best.

This female INFP, I forget her name, but she had the horrible short haircut that looks horribly ugly, like a lot of lesbian butch female INFPs. I think she actually was a lesbian. (Note, Blaire is bisexual and also has an unusual haircut, shaved on one side, but I like her, and, as she and I were saying to each other, you can criticize someone’s physical appearance if you already don’t like them ‘on the inside.’)

She started telling me that I wasn’t allowed to make this Reuben sandwich the way I was making it. I had to follow a particular procedure for no reason. I wasn’t allowed to go get rye bread off the shelf and would have to tell him we didn’t have any rye bread. I’m not allowed to open that bag of rye bread. I’m opening the bag anyway and ignoring her and I start making the sandwich. She proceeds to have a stroke. we start arguing badly enough to practically get in a fistfight with each other, over this stupid, trivial thing.

I remember raising my voice at her as I justified making what the customer asked for using any means necessary. A Reuben isn’t a Reuben without rye, and I personally love rye bread and I can understand the customer’s desire for it.

(It turns out that there are objective benefits to rye – it has a particular enzyme that helps you digest grain, or something like that – I forget the details – it has to do with phytic acid and
antinutrients in grain. Rye was the best of all the grains in this regard, I just can’t remember exactly what it was.)

My differences between me and my current coworkers aren’t anywhere near like that. It’s only a kindred socionic relation, ISTP-ISFP. There are some differences, though, and they are significant enough to affect how I feel about my job.

Part of this is because I have chronic fatigue syndrome: it’s emphasizing my tendencies. All ISTPs desire smooth, efficient motion, but for me, it’s a matter of life and death because of chronic fatigue syndrome.

I just can’t bear to make food there at MM. Something about the setup is just horrible. Every single thing that could possibly be in the wrong place, to make it hard to do, is in the wrong place. There are too many different items on the menu. Too much complexity.
McDonald’s worked because it had a small menu with only a few selections that could be done easily again and again as a perfectly smooth routine that they specialized in. They specialized in making nothing but burgers. If you wanted hot dogs, you didn’t go to McDonald’s. I remember this from watching ‘The Founder,’ which talks about how Ray Kroc stole the business from the original people who created it. The differences between Ray Kroc and the original creators are socionic type differences! How he does things, versus how they did thing. Global, versus local.

Also, making food means you are inherently being interrupted, and there is no choice but to surrender to being interrupted, and having people get really mad at you because you make them wait 45 minutes for a taco. You have to jump back and forth between using the cash register and making food, taking your gloves off every time.

You have to make food that is rarely ever made, so you don’t have a smooth, memorized routine for it. You have to look it up in the book to see how to make it, or make it randomly and do it wrong – and because of my +Te, I can’t bear the thought of ‘doing it wrong.’ An algorithm for how a productive work process must be done is something that should be followed exactly. You can do a process ‘wrong’ if it serves a purpose to do so, though. But don’t give the customer too little. Always give them too much. If you don’t measure out the exact weight (+Ti, I think, is a measurement of an object such as weightj – a specific, real, local object because of the plus sign. If it’s a minus sign, -Ti as in Alpha Quadra, that means ‘universal and eternal measurements’ or ‘eternal truths’ such as a math formula that calculates a law of physics, forever, which is applicable eternally and globally.), then you have to give them more than the weight required, otherwise you’re screwing over the customer and being unethical (valued +Fi Delta – ethics, be good to the customer).

So, while I love having variety in a way, it’s hard to make an esoteric item that I never make and have to learn from scratch every single time a customer orders it. It’s best if I do an easy, quick item that I’ve made 200,000 times before. There are items on the menu that almost nobody ever orders, which we could just get rid of.

But how could it be that I’m a ‘foodie’ who desires all of the esoteric, specific types of food on earth, such as an unfamiliar type of seaweed that I’ve never eaten before, or organ meats, or insects, and so on? How can I say I desire that variety, while also saying I want less variety on our menu at work?

There is a difference between something I have to do in a hasty way while also hurrying to do ten other things, versus what I do when I have infinite time and can simply enjoy myself. Also, I value self-sufficiency, which is why I value learning about all the esoteric edible wild plants and using every single part of an animal that you kill for food. I believe people should supply themselves with all their economic needs locally (+Te has a plus sign = ‘local.’). But it’s not just that plus sign on the +Te. It’s more than that. It’s not wanting to depend on anyone you don’t trust. You can’t trust faraway people you don’t know (+Fi of Delta is ‘local individuals,’ specific people you know and trust, rather than Gamma -Fi, ‘people in the abstract.’).

‘whiteness’ is a color attribute, a philosophical attribute, which is general and universal and global. It has a minus sign. whatever function it is that notices ‘whiteness’ and talks about it, that’s a minus sign. I think it is probably -Se, but I’m not sure (Beta quadra). Aristotle talked about things like the abstract trait of whiteness of something, in a philosophical way. (I didn’t read much Aristotle, but I do remember that I forced myself to struggle through a couple pages of some book before I gave up.)

‘This specific object is white, a particular shade of white, which changes depending on how the lights are shining on it’ is a local function with a plus sign.

‘Dogs’ is a global function with a minus sign. All dogs, throughout all time and all places, in the abstract, dogs in general, anonymous dogs.

‘My specific dog, who has a name, who is right here with me, a specific color and fur and breed, a specific personality,’ is a function with a plus sign, local.

‘How this type of machine works’ is probably some kind of minus sign, I think – -Te maybe. Or maybe -Ti.

‘This specific machine is broken and quirky and you have to pound it with your fist because there’s a bad connection in some electrical wire somewhere’ is local +Te of Delta. It’s a specific manifestation of a machine, not the general abstraction of how all screws work, or how all combustion engines work. I’m operating this annoying keyboard on my laptop, which has a problem with the letter w right now, so I’m hitting ctrl-v to paste the letter w every time I have to type it. I’m not using the USB keyboard because it’s too big to fit into my backpack.

why did the guy who reacted to Trump have to be named ‘Flake?’ Did they totally name him that name on purpose? Did they just make that name up?

Also, -Si, a learned routine done over and over again: I’ve learned, from having to do it hundreds of times, not to try to press the w on the keyboard, so I am forming a smooth routine (albeit inconvenient because you have to press two keys simultaneously) of hitting ctrl-v when I want a w. I’m able to do this smoothly and almost
automatically. If it were the first time that I had ever encountered this problem, I would be frustrated and annoyed for many minutes while trying to figure it out. Instead, right now, I’m just operating the keyboard the way it has to be operated due to its quirks.

with -Si as the base function, the downside is that you can get used to doing routines that are painful, difficult, and inefficient, if you have done them enough times.

‘Corker?’ what the fuck, even? Flake and Corker? The names of these people criticizing Trump! I’m at Burger King and I can see what’s on the TV. what new, weird, fucked-up loser name will they come up with next? Let’s look at the names of all the senators to see whose names are the lamest. Those will be the future enemies of Trump! ‘Mr. Douchebag’ and ‘Senator Loser’ will be the next names on the list.

I actually don’t really support Trump. I endure him because I have no choice. Our election system is 100% hacked and 100% fake.

Anyway, when you get used to doing painful inefficient routines, you sometimes forget that you ever wanted to change them, which is why I value -Ne. -Ne tells me it’s possible to find alternatives. There are other things out there, other ways of doing things, if only I would see them and try them. It’s also got to be a global minus sign, though, or I can’t accept it. I’m not able to use the information provided by the +Ne of the Alpha quadra, or the +Ni of Gamma, as effectively as I can utilize the information provided by the -Ne of Delta. So for instance I read Jared Diamond’s books and remember that information and value it. He was typed ENFP. His books about primitive people have the concept of ‘Another lifestyle is possible.’ It’s about alternatives.

In reality, perceivers can all hang out together and enjoy each other’s company, regardless of quadra, as Rick observed, and as I know from experience – the worst conflicts are when your entire workplace, or your entire society, are designed to meet the needs of some type that you disvalue, or serve some information element that you disvalue, such as ‘slavery above all else,’ which is what my society currently serves. who cares about my pain and suffering? -Si is disvalued and doesn’t exist. Relieving pain and suffering is the farthest thing from anybody’s mind. Preventing pain and suffering before it happens (probably a combination of weak -Ni serving the needs of -Si) by setting up our society in such a way as to prevent the weston Price deformities – that’s what needs to be done.

I have noticed that I often disagree with people who I agree with, people who are theoretically ‘on my side.’ I disagree because of something about how their plus and minus signs process the
information, or with some other function being used. I don’t trust them to agree with me in the ways that matter, because something in their rationale doesn’t match mine. There are two recent incidents that illustrate this: the ‘tobacco ban’ and the ‘anti-vaccine’ facebook post.

Oh I should mention also that I can hang out with judging types too, it’s just that I’m uncomfortable if I spend too much time in a group of people who are nothing but judgers. I start to feel like I’m in a different universe and I’m an alien species and I feel like nobody really understands me. I can have a mixed group of people. Our college gang was a large, mixed group of girls who all lived in the Advanced Placement wing of the dorm, and we all got along well when we went to the dining hall to eat together and talk.

Anyway, the tobacco ban incident. I decided to google ‘tobacco ban’ or something like that, and found a page right near the top of the results which was a giant load of horsecrap, and made the entire idea look crazy. It was like a troll page designed to convince people to change their minds about a tobacco ban, because of how badly written, deceptive, and badly reasoned it was. It stated a bunch of facts that were not true, as evidence for its argument. (‘Tobacco is grown on the planet Pluto, which is why it should be illegal for everyone!’)

I don’t remember all the details, I just remember that I might agree with some parts of the general idea, but all the argument for it was wrong, and I could not agree with this person, even though I agreed with them.

I need to mention that I am becoming anti-libertarian in my middle age, and I am actually a draconian dictator now, albeit I only want a community that people are able to escape from. I don’t want to kill people who are trying to escape, like North Korea. In my draconian dictatorship, I care about people’s health, which means that my laws are ‘meddling in their personal lives’ and ‘taking away their freedom to harm only themselves when they aren’t harming anyone else.’

Note, people who buy cigarettes legally, with an ID saying they’re 18, are able to go home to the house and smoke while sitting next to their toddler on the floor, who has no choice but to breathe, and they have the freedom to choose to do that to their toddler because we value your freedom to harm your own family however you wish to harm them – that’s your choice. You’re responsible for what you do to your family, so it’s legal to go home and smoke with your toddler on your lap. we wouldn’t want to invade anyone’s privacy and tell them what to do in their own home.

As a draconian dictator, I am rebelling against that entire way of seeing things. No, you *shouldn’t* have the freedom to choose how you raise your own child. You shouldn’t be free to go home and smoke a pack of cigarettes with your toddler on your lap. That *is* my business. I *do* have the right to get involved in your business and invade your privacy.

Not only that, but I also have the right to tell you that you’re not allowed to harm *only yourself*. Even if you live alone and you smoke tobacco legally, I have the right to stop you from harming yourself. I judge you to be unfit to make your own decisions, because I no longer believe it’s possible for you to consent to harm yourself. Consenting to harm yourself is not possible. You have been tricked by the tobacco company and they have forced you to do what you are doing against your will, and you have lost the ability to make a rational decision. You have lost a part of your consciousness, through no fault of your own, and you are a victim of a greater power that is harming you. This greater power tricked you into thinking that ‘harming yourself’ equals ‘valuing individual freedom,’ and tricked you into thinking you’re violating your values if you allow a law to take away cigarettes from you.

Tobacco exists because it benefits universal slavery. Tobacco users are the best slaves. Tobacco companies are supporting slavery. That is their purpose, aside from profit. They make the slavery system run smoothly, with happy slaves triggering their dopamine receptors or whatever it is that tobacco does, so that these happy slaves will work much, much longer hours doing jobs they hate with people they hate, while artificially triggering pleasure in the brain to substitute for actual pleasure.

The slavery is mostly to the landowners, that is, the banks. I don’t know how the entire real estate system works, but it all comes from the banks, who are the default owners of all the physical land when all else fails. The government also owns the land, and I’m not sure who is the biggest owner, the primary owner, or the final default owner, the biggest controller who has the most power over it all. It depends on whether the banks control the government, or the government controls the banks.

Oh – the anti-vaccine incident. Just today, I got a notification telling me that VaxTruth had posted a comment on facebook, and I read it. It was all about how I have the freedom to make decisions for my own family, and no one can invade that freedom and tell me what to do. I agree about being anti-vaccine, but I distrust that particular writer, because their fundamental way of seeing things is different from my own. They could just as easily be on the opposite side of the argument saying exactly the same thing: I have the freedom to harm my baby by vaccinating it. You shouldn’t tell me not to harm my baby with a vaccine. I own my baby and I decide how to harm it.

I cannot use the argument of ‘I have the freedom to decide what to do to my own family’ as justification for anything anymore. If I am deciding that vaccines are wrong for my family, I’m just as sure that they’re wrong for everybody’s family, and they shouldn’t even exist. The potential to use a vacccine should not even be there. Take away that potential. That might possibly be my valuing of -Ne, negative potential, take away harmful potentials.

I don’t think I should have to waste my energy constantly making decisions about little detailed things like whether or not vaccines are safe. I think this is because I’m a perceiver and I don’t want to constantly use my judging functions 24 hours a day. Judgers don’t mind being forced to constantly judge things 24/7 because their brain defaults to that. A perceiver, on the other hand, doesn’t want to have to constantly make decisions. It wants to just LIVE. I want to just do the smooth process of living, without having to worry about ten million different things that have to be decided based on evidence. I want to walk down the street, upon which there is an absence of stores that sell liquor, stores that sell cigarettes, and stores that sell caffeine. Those stores just won’t be there. An absence of those stores selling those drugs mean that I don’t have to expend effort to constantly decide, and constantly resist, urges to buy addictive drugs. That urge is gone. Not a drop of energy is ever spent resisting it, so I have energy for other things, like enjoying life.

Imagine a metal ball rolling down a channel, along which there are magnets. Each time the ball passes a magnet, it’s drawn towards the magnet and it slows down. If you take away all those magnets along the channel, the ball rolls quickly and smoothly without any interruption. As I walk down the street, I am magnetically urged to walk into Starbucks and buy a coffee. It wastes my energy to fight against that magnetic pull. If I’m walking down an empty street devoid of Starbucks or any other coffee seller, I no longer spend even a single drop of energy fighting my caffeine addiction. Coffee must be removed from the entire system, everywhere, so that I cannot possibly get in my car or on the bus or walking on foot, to go any distance whatsoever, no matter how far, to get a cup of coffee. I must not be able to go 100 miles to get a cup of coffee.

But people who want this ‘freedom to choose’ thing, which, as a 43 year old draconian dictator and anti-libertarian that I am becoming, those people desire to spend every second of their day making tiny decisions and fighting tiny urges instead of smoothly rolling down the channel. They *like* fighting a hundred million tiny little battles every day. I don’t.

This is why I need an intentional community, which will grow and become large and take over a large area of territory that it controls economically and politically. we need the power to take away ‘freedom to choose’ those harmful things like tobacco and caffeine. Meanwhile, I *do* want ‘freedom to choose’ about things such as how I operate my own brain, which means the community must provide physical shields against electronic mind control. Apparently, there are large numbers of other people out there in the world who do *not* value the freedom to choose what you do inside your own brain.

The freedom to buy a harmful product that’s going to destroy your body is one thing. A lot of these people actually *value death*. They *like* thinking that people die when they use tobacco. They *don’t care* to try to figure out exactly which chemicals in the tobacco cause death, and try to remove those chemicals to make it safe.

But it’s much more than merely death that I object to. It’s how it affects all of your behavior. It’s how tobacco causes constant sexual arousal, so that people under the influence of tobacco are constantly horny and can be stalkers or commit acts of violence when rejected. I’ve experienced it. Tobacco directly causes sexual arousal, and is strongly connected to marital violence. Extremely violent countries, like India, where people throw acid in women’s faces (that’s not just India, it’s some other places, I forget) are also extremely heavy tobacco users. They also have turmeric, which is another cause of violence.

I’m not a libertarian anymore. Libertarians aren’t in my socionic quadra. All the books written by libertarians are not in the Delta quadra. They value things which I fundamentally do not value, and I’m gradually realizing this. It takes courage to realize it. They value profit over death. They value profit over sickness. Profit comes first, and ignore death and sickness. Death and sickness are perfectly fine, as long as we’re free to profit. They also don’t care about the fact that drugs are making you not be your true self. They don’t think a ‘true self’ exists or is important, but there is in fact a ‘true self’ which exists when all drugs are removed from the brain. The true self is *important*. Being your true self, and not being the self-on-drugs, is important. You are an altered self when you’re on drugs.

I’m going to just post this because I have some more stuff to do and this post is getting infinitely long. I have to buy shoes at walmart. That means I have to go wait for the bus.

I guess I’m just trying to explain that even the Libertarians are being ‘draconian dictators,’ just in a different way. They want a world where every second of my life is dictated by the landowers who want to sell tobacco and alcohol and caffeine to me. They think it’s perfectly fine to walk down the street and fight a constant, exhausting, neverending battle to resist these urges that waste my energy, resist these opportunities to buy something, an addictive drug, that makes me more able to pleasurably do my slave job without complaining, so that somebody else can become richer because I am a better employee. That’s draconian dictatorship to me, even though the libertarians see it as freedom. I don’t believe all that crap about ‘negative liberties’ and stuff anymore. It will take some explaining.

As usual, all my devices start malfunctioning after I go to the HUB

October 24, 2017

I went to the HUB at Penn State yesterday and was looking for credit cards to apply to so I could get a few thousand more dollars. As always, weird stuff starts to happen on my phone and computer after going there. Now I’m unable to send these blog posts, but still able to get other messages. It’s acting like it’s trying to download something over 4G when I have no data left and can’t connect. I also installed an app and might have to change a setting on it.

Grr, as I was saying – now my mind is preoccupied with why my phone won’t work instead of what I had been saying. Something about the plus and minus signs means “not wanting to be interrupted.” A plus sign means you’re focused on what you’re doing and it’s hard to pick it up again if you’re interrupted. The ISFP has -Te, which means they don’t mind being interrupted during productive action, work. But I have +Te and I find it greatly disturbing if I have to drop what I’m doing and go do some other task. There are limits on how much interruption any person can stand, but even so, the ISFP coworkers feel no dread at the thought of doing a work task knowing something will inevitably interrupt. I can only be productive if I’m absolutely certain that I will have all the time I need to get a task completely done without interruption, or I won’t do the task at all. Meanwhile, the ISFP with their +Si seem to feel that personal effort and focus are required while I feel that things should be so effortless they can be done with no focus. For them, if something doesn’t work, you have to “try harder” with your own mental focus, whereas for me, the goal is to place objects in specific locations (+Ti 8th function, I suspect, but possibly +Te 2nd function) so that their use and operation supports an effortless routine requiring the least energy or focus.

I’m still noticing that my messages aren’t sending, and I can’t notice anything but that.

Plus and minus signs, smooth routines done over and over again

October 24, 2017

I’m trying to define what it is the ISTP does. There are socionists over in Europe who are continuing to develop the theory. They gather data about things like the physical appearance of the body and its association with type. They have made things like the plus and minus signs to put more nuances on what the functions are doing. The EEG will also show me more, with specific brain regions and whole-brain patterns that Nardi observed.

Original research in English is necessary and important, but I’m not happy with what little I saw of Model G. It looks like useless babbling gibberish to me. So I want my own research, which will demonstrate its effectiveness at achieving its purposes – to type every person correctly the first time every time with no mistakes, using perhaps a small portable head scanning device that can be sold, which will work even for people with thick dreadlocks. The EEG things have to be stuck to the scalp, which can’t be done with dreadlocks.

But for now, I use existing models. I don’t know the name of it, but one model shows each type’s functions with either a plus or minus sign – not the “Hitta’s Chart” model with two elements in each box, just the regular one element per box, giving me -Si and +Te.

I’m different from my ISFP coworkers, who use +Si -Fe. They seem to see every day as unique, because of their plus sign. A minus sign means everything is generalized, global, vague, timeless, and summarized as a net result without any details of the process used. One person, the minus sign, just says “I got there,” and the other with the plus sign says, “First, before I even got in the car, I had to answer an unexpected phone call from my mom, and then my niece had to tie her shoe, and she wouldn’t get in the car because she wanted to watch TV…”

I differ from them in how I view ergonomic routines. A task must be so smooth and automatic that you can practically do it while sleeping & not make mistakes.

The messages aren’t sending, so this might get out of order

October 24, 2017

I’m having a phone glitch while trying to send my text messages. Testing something.