Archive for June, 2013

Research proves that tobacoo residues on objects and surfaces (“thirdhand smoke”) really are very harmful to your health

June 29, 2013

I was so excited to read this article on Natural News. http://www.naturalnews.com/041002_thirdhand_smoke_smoking_toxins.html

I’ve been talking about tobacco residues and how the nicotine goes through your skin, causing you to remain addicted to tobacco even if you have quit smoking. You have to throw away all your belongings and move out of your house, and that is the best way to get rid of it. The amount of money needed to clean it up is beyond count. You simply cannot wash it out. Tobacco smoke residues, or even just residues from tobacco oils on your fingers after you’ve been touching and handling tobacco, like if you’re rolling your own cigarettes or using chewing tobacco, *will not* wash out of the carpet or the furniture or other things. You would have to wash every inch of your entire house repeatedly, and even then it would not come out, and I know this from my own experiences over the past few years. The only thing you can do is get rid of your stuff, and move out. It is a life-ruining situation. It is no wonder that people find it so hard to quit smoking. And now, someone is actually doing research that proves what I have been saying about tobacco all these years!

Oh no, what has WordPress done to ruin the Quickpress form so it no longer works properly in my browser? I hate everybody who makes their web pages so that they don’t work in older browsers. I don’t know how this will look after I hit ‘publish.’

June 27, 2013

Ha! That mistake was so funny I don’t even want to delete it. I pasted the entire blog post into the ‘tags’ box instead of the text box, because it looked all weird and I couldn’t tell where to paste it.

9:10 PM 6/27/2013

This won’t be a long blog post. I’m just writing to say that I’m still here. I enjoyed going to West Virginia and I felt empowered by riding the bus. The bus that went to Columbus, OH went on to Colorado afterwards, and I felt excited when I saw that. All I had to do was just buy a ticket and I could have gone. I have this feeling that I could go anywhere. I could have gone anywhere back when I had a car, too, but the bus gives me that randomness – I am forced to go through several different cities on the way someplace, instead of directly there. (Oh, and by the way, the reason the web page wasn’t working when I tried to find out how to go from State College to Charleston was because I was being harassed by hackers. The web page worked just fine at my parents’ house when I needed to buy a ticket to go back home.) Anyway, the bus sort of ‘suggests the idea’ to go on a trip to some particular city, like the moment when I saw the sign on the front of the bus lit up saying it was going to Colorado. I just had the feeling that I could get on it right then, on impulse, and just go. I’ve wanted to go back to Colorado for, literally, decades now. I haven’t done it, because I have been – there is no word harsh enough for it – I have been murdered by the electronic mind control, which caused my life to be one disaster after another, and so I was not able to save enough money to take time off work and go someplace.

I am not blogging very frequently because I am still sending emails to Rick, and that is my way of blogging. I warned him that he would receive hundreds of emails from me, perhaps thousands, and that he would need to delete them. I am unable to believe that he really rejected me, and ‘they’ (the voices) keep encouraging me to believe that he reciprocates my love and is waiting for me to visit him. The only way that I can understand how he feels is if I talk to him for real, but I can’t do that unless I visit him. I tried to call him on the phone, but he hung up on me. It is very frustrating to have voices in your head that constantly brainwash you to believe something, when you wouldn’t otherwise have believed it. I would not have kept on trying to talk to someone who rejected me – I would have just taken his word for it – actually, I would not have even said or done any of the things that I said and did if I hadn’t been manic from drug residues while being mind-controlled and forced to say things.

I ran out of money because I stayed at a hotel a whole bunch of times near the end of winter. Now I am trying to earn my money back again so I can travel. But I keep going to the hotel repeatedly, although not as often. ‘They’ have prevented me from finding a better solution to this problem. They won’t let me think deeply enough to understand and predict the future. I need to look into the future and see how my life will stagnate forever unless I can save up enough money to do the things I need to do. If I am unable to understand that, then I will have no motivation to save money. I just have this apathy because there is no future. I remember when the severe attacks first began in 2003, I remember talking on the phone to my mom, crying and saying, ‘The people who are putting voices in my head are destroying my future!’ And since the attacks began, I have been completely and utterly unable to see any future at all. The universe just ends, a second or two from now. Maybe a little longer than that, but not much. It wasn’t like that before, back when I could think.

But, I’ve been writing all of my thoughts to Rick, every day, thousands of letters, believing that he reads them, even though he won’t answer and even though he agreed to filter them out and delete them. I don’t actually *want* him to filter them out and delete them, but that was one of the things that the soul murderers forced me to say when I was manic: they forced me to go crazy and tell him that he absolutely had to delete all of my emails. I wanted to find a better solution, but they wouldn’t let me.

I haven’t gotten a paycheck for two weeks because I went on vacation. I’ll get another check on July 3rd. Another reason why I don’t have any money is because I had been working only 3 days a week, which was what I had requested. But I recently changed it back to 5 days a week, so I will be getting more money again, and I’d like to get a second job – to be honest, I would actually *like* it if the United States Federal Government ceased to exist, along with all of its labor laws, so that I could work more than 40 hours a week at one job without forcing my employer to pay me overtime, and that way I wouldn’t need to get a second job, because no *frugal* employers are willing to pay anyone that much money, so they just hire more people instead. I hope that this country has a revolution and that the US federal government is ended completely. If the individual states can make their own laws, at least there will be some variation, and you’ll be able to move someplace else if you don’t like the laws in one place. I have been hating the federal government more than ever, lately.

There’s this big scandal about how the government is spying on everybody’s emails all of the time by default. I knew that *hackers* were spying on all of my computer activities, and harassing me about all of them, but didn’t know who they were.

But now, they have yet to publicly admit that electronic mind control is actually real, and they are looking through all of our eyes and seeing what we see and recording it in their computers so that they know every little thing we do every day, every time we pick our noses, every time we go to the bathroom, things we ourselves don’t even remember doing because they are too trivial to bother remembering. They have every detail of every day’s trivial activities saved and recorded permanently in their computers. I want them to admit that, on television, and I want to see the scandal. I am not satisfied that they have *merely* admitted that they are hacking everybody’s emails all of the time by default. That is not enough. They have to admit the existence of mind control, and if they do that, then I will finally, finally, finally start to feel just a little bit … whatever that feeling would be. A sort of angry vindication. ‘See? I told you so. I told you that’s what they were doing. I said this years ago. You people all said I was crazy.’

The future is very, very, very long. There are millions of infinite centuries ahead of us. Somebody, sometime, has to admit that mind control is real. It has to happen sometime. Why not now? Why wait any longer to admit it? It will be admitted now, or it will be admitted sometime in the more distant future, but it *will* come out. You can’t imagine how long the future is. Stop putting it off. Be the one who changes history. When you look at how long the future is, how infinitely long, doesn’t it seem ridiculous to postpone this any longer? Don’t you understand that it *will* come out sooner or later?

Well, that is what I have been doing. I came home from WV and just went back to work, and I’ve been writing emails to Rick every day, and working, and that’s all. I need to either get a second job, or somehow stop going to the hotel. I want to stop destroying my money because I desperately need my money for so many things.

And now, we have passed the summer solstice, and I will be losing the days, now – they will get shorter and shorter. And then we will go into winter again, and the time passes too quickly, as it always does, and more of my children will be lost. I wouldn’t mind the time passing, but my body will change, and I have to hurry. I don’t want to die without children.

This is probably something that ‘they’ have put into my head, but, I am still planning to try to go visit Rick and get a reality check. I need to talk to him in person and see how he reacts to me so that I can really understand whether he is rejecting me or not. I can’t fight the delusion that ‘they’ keep forcing into my head, every day, with their brainwashing. I *know* that I am being brainwashed constantly, 24 hours a day, with this belief that Rick loves me and is waiting for me, I *know* that the brainwashing is fake, but I *still* cannot fight it and cannot reason with it. The only way I can know is if he would talk to me, but he hung up the phone on me, and so I am unable to know. I can’t understand anything without a reality check. So, I am still seeing myself going over there to Europe to visit him. And depending on what happens, I could just come back home, or stay there to be with him and build a real relationship with him.

But I need a reality check so that I can move on. I am unable to form any new relationships with anybody else because I still am being forced to believe that he loves me and is waiting for me. I had to quit trying to go to church and going to the meetup group because those things indirectly led to my meeting somebody and having a sexual relationship.

Here is how that happened. I am bad at recognizing people and knowing their names. There was this one guy from the meetup group, and I never remembered what his name was. One day when I was at Dunkin Donuts using the wifi, ‘they’ forced a puppet to walk in, and I know for a fact that he was a puppet, because earlier, ‘they’ had been warning me to stay away from there and go to some other place, but they didn’t say why, and then, this guy talked to me later on and explicitly described having puppet experiences, as in, having a dream or a vision telling him what to do, and then he would do it.

So this guy walked in to Dunkin Donuts, and he looked very similar to the one guy from the meetup group whose name I couldn’t remember. When he walked in, I said hi to him because I thought I recognized him, and then I apologized and said I had thought he was someone else. That started a conversation. He was an EII (my socionic activator) and a drug user and a puppet. We ended up walking around together all day long and talking after that, and then having a (brief) sexual relationship (until I began trying very hard to avoid him). I couldn’t say no to him. But I felt like I was being disloyal to Rick, because I am still constantly being brainwashed to believe that he and I are in a relationship.

So, indirectly, that led to my quitting the church and the meetup group. I was no longer ‘allowed’ to socialize with anybody, because that led to random incidents of meeting people and getting into relationships with them, people who were puppets, people who I couldn’t say no to. I’ve actually been avoiding going to town as much as possible. Everywhere I go, there are people who I met while I was manic, people who think that I like them or that I’m sexually attracted to them when I’m not, because the mania forced me to be extra-extra-friendly and flirty. Now that I am less manic (though still somewhat contaminated, and still in need of doing my final decon) I am no longer as friendly and flirty, and I’m trying to avoid all these guys who want to talk to me, all the people who say, ‘I love your dreadlocks!’ even though they look awful actually, all the homeless guys who want to talk to me because I’m homeless too, and so on.

I’m not going to write much more, partly because I have to go to the bathroom and partly because I need to go home and sleep so I can get up early tomorrow, but, I was going to say that I am not really like the other homeless people. I don’t have the same attitudes. I grew up in a wealthy family, I was a libertarian before becoming an anarchist, I read Ayn Rand, and so I don’t believe that I’m entitled to just receive free food and free housing and free everything from the government and from society, whereas a lot of other homeless people *do* believe they are entitled to get whatever they want for free, and I know this because I’ve talked to quite a few of them by now. So it kind of annoys me when homeless people want to talk to me just because I’m homeless too. Yes, I am homeless too, but other than that, we don’t have much in common.

But I’m going to go home now. Home, to the tent.

I’m about to ride the bus to West Virginia

June 3, 2013

12:41 PM 6/3/2013

I’m having an adventure today, but I only have a few minutes to write about it. I decided to go to West Virginia today to visit my parents. My dad suggested that I take a rental car instead of taking the bus as I had originally planned. But I failed the credit check, and my parents offered to let me use their credit card instead of my own debit card, but the car rental people wouldn’t let me do that. We tried to work something out, but there were too many technicalities and I gave up.

Besides, I hadn’t been happy about the idea of renting a car in the first place. I had taken the suggestion because they wanted me to. Dad and Mom didn’t like the idea that I would have to go on a 17-hour bus trip that went first to Pittsburgh and then to Columbus, OH before finally going to Charleston, WV. But I myself didn’t mind. In fact, I was eagerly looking forward to it. It would be nice to sit there and not have to drive. I could read a book and look at the scenery. I could go to unfamiliar places where I wouldn’t have otherwise gone. I actually liked the idea of taking a roundabout, indirect trip that took a long time.

I took a taxi to the airport to pick up my rental car that I had reserved, and when I found out that I couldn’t rent it, I decided to just walk back to town and take a bus if I could find one. But I wasn’t on any bus routes, so I ended up taking a very long walk that took a couple hours – I don’t know exactly how long it took, maybe an hour and a half. Finally I got close enough to town to take a bus the rest of the way to the Greyhound bus station, where I bought my ticket.

It had all gone wrong, supposedly, with my being unable to rent a car, but I was actually happy about it. I hadn’t been able to express my desire to ride the bus, and my disappointment that I would be driving a rental car instead. I hadn’t been able to explain that actually, the idea of taking a 17-hour bus trip to a couple of other cities sounded like a great time to me and I was looking forward to it.

So I took this long walk down the road back to town, and I looked at all the trees and the flowers, and I was happy. I always have to give a disclaimer when I feel happy: I felt happy partly because my constant, nonstop, all-over pain was reduced, because I took a couple ibuprofens this morning, since I started my period today (and women often joke about how this always happens right when you are about to go traveling). So I was in less pain than usual from my chronic fatigue/arthritis/whatever it is that causes me to have low-level constant pain. And because that pain was gone, I felt happy. I felt joyful at the sight and smell of the trees and flowers. I saw giant pine trees that were healthy and alive and huge and old. Normally, where I live, I only see pine trees that are dying, because something isn’t right for them in that environment there. These pines were enormous today.

I was thinking about money, about what it means when your credit is rejected, about the reasons why I haven’t paid the debts that I haven’t paid. But I don’t have time to write any more, because I’m going to catch the bus now. I need to walk a couple blocks to the bus station. I got a Harry Potter book, but there were only three books left (with several copies of each one) – I got ‘The Half-Blood Prince.’ So I have something to read that I already know I will enjoy, which I could choose quickly off the shelf. Normally, I like to try new things when I can choose books at random off the library shelf, but I was in too much of a hurry and didn’t want to get stuck with a boring book that I didn’t like. Harry Potter is guaranteed to entertain me.

I guess I will write more later, maybe from my parents’ computer when I go online.

‘Epic,’ the movie

June 2, 2013

6:48 PM 6/2/2013

I just went to see ‘Epic,’ the movie, and really loved it. I’m thinking about maybe going to see something else in a few minutes, but I haven’t quite decided yet. I am getting up early tomorrow so that I can drive down to WV to visit my parents for a few days. I’m on vacation from work.

I understood the theme of the guy wishing he could prove something was real, to his ex-wife, who, if I understand correctly, was now dead (I might have misunderstood something). Everyone thought he was delusional. He wanted to prove something to her so that she would forgive him. I have experienced a similar theme.

I’m living in the woods right now and I see a lot of the things that were in that movie and have felt the same way about them. I’ve thought about things like, all the little insects that accidentally get killed when someone steps on them, and that kind of thing.

I haven’t decided if I’m going to see another movie yet. Maybe I should go home and try to sleep before tomorrow. I will need to drive for many hours tomorrow.

I’m just going about my business

June 1, 2013

10:27 AM 6/1/2013

I decided to just go home and continue parking my bike where I normally park it. Some of the neighbors who talked to me suggested that I hide my bike so that they wouldn’t know I was living up there. But I decided that if Mt. Nittany Conservancy has anything they want to say to me, they can tell it to me themselves, instead of having me hear it from my neighbors. If the police want to do anything, they can also tell it to me themselves. I’m just going to continue doing everything as usual.