Archive for November, 2012

Natural salicylates

November 30, 2012

I’ve had enough orange juice today that my ears are ringing. I drank a lot of juice because I was trying to get lots of potassium, but I knew it would backfire after a while. Orange juice has a lot of natural salicylate in it, which causes me to have symptoms like the ringing in the ears.

I will take showers at the YMCA

November 29, 2012

7:46 PM 11/29/2012

I have had trouble working for the last couple days because I have been severely exhausted and have overused caffeine and have been eating poorly. On Tuesday night, I went home very late, after having a cup of coffee late in the evening, and I think I went to bed around 5:00 AM. I slept all day Wednesday, and all Wednesday night, and got up early on Thursday morning. I didn’t sleep the whole time. There were many hours of just lying in bed awake. But while I was lying there, wondering if I was hungry enough to get up and go down the mountain for food – there were no snacks in the tent except for a few pistachios, which I ate some of – I kept feeling that the only place I wanted to be was there, in bed, warm and cozy, as my quadruple sleeping bags are indeed still very warm yet. If I imagined myself being down the mountain, somewhere in town, standing up and walking around, it felt painful to imagine. All I wanted was to lie down. So I stayed in bed all day and all night Wednesday.

But this morning, I had the feeling of weakness. I didn’t feel hungry, I just felt weak. I had had water to drink, just not food. I probably have a lack of potassium – that was what the doctors found when I had giardiasis and I went into the hospital. I was drinking so much coffee, and eating so badly, that I might not have been getting enough potassium again. I suspected that was why I felt weak.

So, since I felt weak, I got up around 7:00 AM, which is extremely early for me, and I got dressed as warmly as I could. It was frosty outside. I decided it was time to go down to eat, even though I wasn’t hungry. I could not motivate myself to do another shopping trip. I have done several shopping trips to prepare for my decontamination in the last few days. It is hard to carry the stuff home, and if I feel sick and exhausted, I can’t bring myself to do it.

But I decided that I could do one thing. I went and got a membership at the YMCA, so that I can use their showers. I can survive taking baths in the sinks, but it doesn’t get me clean enough, and it’s especially hard to clean my hair. I wouldn’t be picky about imperfect cleanness, except that it’s very hard to do a decontamination when you can’t take a shower. I need to be sure that I am extremely clean.

It was actually a pleasant, mild, sunny day. The air was cool, but not windy, and the sun was shining, so it felt warm. A few weeks from now, the sun will be at its lowest point, and the light will be the weakest. Winter will officially begin at the solstice. After that, the days will become longer and longer. They say, ‘As the days grow longer, the cold grows stronger.’ The sunlight is increasing, but nevertheless, the Northern Hemisphere is still continuing to lose heat, and the ocean temperature responds slowly to the change in the sunlight, which causes it to continue getting colder for a while. But it will feel less unpleasant if you are outdoors in the bright sun as the light is increasing, even if the air is cold. So I look forward to winter, the time when I know that every day the day is getting longer and the sun is getting stronger. It is actually a positive, optimistic feeling time period for me. I know that we are through the worst and that it’s getting better now, and I have good things to look forward to. (*edit: Such as… yellowjackets? I know they will reawaken in the spring. I have forgotten how much I hate them. They are completely gone right now.*)

I did my laundry today. I didn’t actually take a shower at the Y yet. I didn’t get to do any shopping trips for my decon. I don’t have to buy a lot more. I need a few basic necessities. Then I will go take a shower, change into my new clothes, and get rid of the old contaminated stuff. It will be much easier now that I can take a real shower. I will feel more confident that I am getting rid of the drug residues in my hair. I haven’t gone to see what the showers look like yet, so I don’t know anything about them, I’ve just been told by various people that it’s possible to take showers at the YMCA.

I really need one day a week when I can do nothing but sleep and withdraw from coffee. Whenever I stopped using coffee completely, for a while, I didn’t need that day of sleep. I was able to get out of bed on my first day off work every weekend, on a Monday. Whenever I don’t use any caffeine at all, I also don’t crash as badly, and have less need to recover from work. But when I am overusing coffee as badly as I have been (primarily because I am fatigued from the drug residues), I absolutely have to get a day of sleep, which usually lasts longer than 24 hours. I feel so much better if only I do that. That is why I am doing the Get Poor Quick Project, and working only three days a week. I am able to slowly and gradually prepare for my decon, while also giving myself time to rest and sleep.

I am glad that I finally got a membership at the Y. It was in the back of my mind for a long time, and several different people had suggested that to me as a possibility, but I never got around to doing it. However, it will help me greatly with my decon, so, now was the right time to do it.

Windows Updates are working again.

November 29, 2012

I went through this long torture session of looking for alternative ways to get Windows Updates, and I installed a couple of programs that supposedly get the updates for you (which might be spyware, but I don’t even care anymore). Those were too hard to use, and I ended up taking a suggestion to google ‘repair Windows Update,’ and I went to Microsoft and used a troubleshooter called ‘Fix-It,’ in the Aggressive mode (it said Aggressive mode was ‘not recommended’ because it erases your old settings for Windows Update, but I don’t care). Finally, it is working again. I’m guessing that as soon as I finish updating everything again, I will start seeing more hacker harassment again, like before.

I had a reason why I stopped it from updating automatically. It would always try to download huge, gigantic things while I was trying to do something else. I reset it to download updates automatically, but also, I have to have the computer turned on at a particular time of day for it to do that. I might try setting it to ‘wake up the computer to do this,’ except that still won’t work, because you have to login to the wifi, and I can’t program it to automatically logon, because I don’t know how to write scripts and macros. I know that they exist, and I know that I could, but I’m not going to spend time learning how to write a macro so that my computer will login to the wifi by itself in order to download the updates. I will just keep downloading them manually.

Oh well, anyway, it’s working again.

Sigh… the hackers are flipping out again, as usual.

November 27, 2012

I blogged about listening to music the other day, and now, all of a sudden, my headphones don’t work anymore. I can’t seem to fix it, so I decided to do a Windows Update again, because it’s been a little while since I did that big batch of updates. I managed to get a couple of updates before they stopped me, but now, they won’t let me download any more updates. I only got a couple. Now I’ve had to start and restart and restart and crash the computer three or four or five times, with various problems, such as not shutting down, not restarting, having to push the button instead of it shutting down normally, etc, and I’m not saying that the hackers are necessarily causing that directly, but rather, I’m just saying that I have to go through all this hassle when I try to install updates, and they’re not allowing me to finish installing the patches now. Last time I installed the updates, the hacking became very severe and explicit and obnoxious. It always gets a reaction. I will keep trying, and I will get the updates eventually. I just want the headphones to work again.

Coins sold today

November 26, 2012

I sold my coin collection for $1,400 today. I haven’t quit buying coins, and will buy them again in the future. I just wanted to get rid of everything contaminated that had been in the apartment where the drug residues were. I did, actually, have a reaction while handling the coins and the receipts that were with them. So I know I’m doing the right thing.

A few of the coins had probably about tripled in price since I bought them a few years ago. Not all of them did that well. I don’t know the exact details, I just know that some of my earliest purchases were, maybe, $12 an ounce for silver, which is now somewhere in the thirty dollar range per ounce. When he was looking through them, he smiled at me and said, ‘You bought these at the right time!’

I’ve started a database, which will keep track of all the info on my future coin purchases, so I will know exactly when I bought them, how much they cost, and how their price compared to other items in the economy, such as gas prices, real estate, food, and things that I myself purchase regularly. That way, I will know whether I really am making a profit, versus just making an illusion of a profit. If a silver coin goes up in price, but everything else in the economy also increases at the same time, then you might not really be ‘making a profit’ when you sell the coin later. You might still be able to buy just as much gasoline, food, etc with that silver coin. So I will keep better track of this information in the new database when I buy coins again.

It is a relief to be rid of something contaminated. Also, I don’t have to worry that someone will steal it now, because I was just keeping it in a tent on Mt. Nittany, in a box. Several hunters have been walking around on Mt. Nittany, and hunting season starts today, and a few of the hunters have walked around my tent. I had a couple interactions with them. Somebody opened up one of my storage tents and left it unzipped. One hunter actually unzipped my tent while I was sleeping in it, and I woke up and talked to him. He knew my bike was parked down at the bottom of the hill, because several people go there regularly and know who I am and recognize my bike, and he was worried about me, thinking that I had died of hypothermia or something, on that day when I slept all the way from Sunday night until Tuesday around noon. It was Tuesday at noon when he was checking on me to see if I was still alive. I actually talked with him a little bit, and he apologized, and I just told him thanks for checking on me. It’s similar to having people tap on my car window to give me cups of coffee and doughnuts, and other things that happened when I was living in my car. But anyway, now that the coins are gone, I don’t have to worry that someone might rummage through them. I was planning to bury them in a hole, but didn’t finish that project.

There are not a lot of hunters walking around shooting guns near my tent. I am actually close to some houses and close to the hiking path, and they are not going to be just randomly shooting guns that close to people. But they are walking around the area looking for deer trails so they can follow them and get an idea of where the deer are living and where they go when they walk around.

I am in a good mood. It’s a nice, mild day, and I’ve finished an important phase of my project. I know, we’re supposed to get a snowstorm tonight, but I’m not worried about it. It’s not big. I’m eating some soup from Cozy Thai, although the soup I wanted wasn’t available until dinnertime, so I had to get a different soup. It’s still good, just not as good. I got $1,400, although that’s one of those in-between dollar amounts where it sort of seems like a lot, but in the long run it doesn’t make much difference in your life, which is what I was blogging about a few days ago. Still, it’s kind of nice to have the extra money, but I don’t need that much money for my decontamination. I will save it for the Get Rich Quick Project, which will happen later on.

I dreamed a dream

November 24, 2012

I saw the trailer for Les Miserables. I’d heard of that play many times before, but knew nothing about it. In the trailer, they sang ‘I dreamed a dream.’ It sounded a lot like The Little Mermaid.

Now I’ve got the song on YouTube and I’m playing it over and over again. It’s not the one in the movie, it’s someone else, but still, it’s the same song, and I’m trying to learn it.

Sometimes I feel this way. But I also feel that there is still hope, and life has not yet completely killed the dream. So I sort of agree and disagree with this song, and I feel myself fighting back against it while at the same time needing to express it. I think the singer who sang the version I’m listening to also felt that way, because she seems to not express the words properly at the end, and it sounds like she doesn’t understand the meaning of what she’s saying. I saw another rendition of the song where the singer did that, too – she didn’t seem to understand the meaning of some of the words she was saying, and almost sort of skipped over some of them, emotionally, even though she was singing them. Her emotions did not follow and did not comprehend the words. If you don’t believe what you’re saying, then you can’t express it emotionally.

The movie comes out on December 25th. The actors actually SANG THE SONGS WHILE FILMING. They *did not* lip-sync the words. They did NOT pre-record the songs and then walk around pretending to sing them while on film. They actually sang them during the images that you see on the screen! That will make it so much more believable and real.

I don’t know much about the plot of this movie, I just know that it’s really famous and it’s been around a long time.

When you sing it, you have to *really believe* that all hope is lost and that everything has been destroyed. You have to really believe that this is the end and that your dream is gone. I myself don’t completely believe that yet, but the feeling is there. I am 38 years old, and much of my life has been destroyed and can never be brought back. The time has passed and it cannot be undone. But yet, I still believe that I have a long future ahead of me, and I still believe there is hope, in particular hope that I will have children – that is the one thing that I could lose forever, if I cannot get things fixed soon enough. But that’s not all that the dream is about. I dreamed that I would be happy, but instead I became a tortured slave in a world full of slaves. I dreamed that I could do anything I wanted to do and experience anything I wanted to experience, but instead all that I experience is constant, nonstop attacks that completely destroy all of my free will every moment of my day. There are no words to express this feeling, which is why I look for songs like this. I look for someone somewhere who has said what I need to say and can say it better than I can.

There was a time when men were kind
When their voices were soft
And their words inviting
There was a time when love was blind
And the world was a song
And the song was exciting
There was a time
Then it all went wrong

I dreamed a dream in time gone by
When hope was high
And life worth living
I dreamed that love would never die
I dreamed that God would be forgiving
Then I was young and unafraid
And dreams were made and used and wasted
There was no ransom to be paid
No song unsung, no wine untasted

But the tigers come at night
With their voices soft as thunder
As they tear your hope apart
As they turn your dream to shame

He slept a summer by my side
He filled my days with endless wonder
He took my childhood in his stride
But he was gone when autumn came

And still I dream he’ll come to me
That we will live the years together
But there are dreams that cannot be
And there are storms we cannot weather

I had a dream my life would be
So different from this hell I’m living
So different now from what it seemed
Now life has killed the dream I dreamed.

saw a movie, about to see another

November 21, 2012

I resolved the anxiety and suffering by going to see a movie. I saw ‘Breaking Dawn – Part 2’ for the second time, and now, in a little while, I’m going to see ‘the Life of Pi.’ A lot of reviewers gave that movie four stars, four and a half stars, etc, and described it as beautiful, and said it had something to do with spirituality and practicality, which sounds interesting. I saw little teasers or whatever they’re called, which made me want to see it.

I will continue my projects later. I’m just anxious, not knowing which places will be open and which will be closed, not wanting to call people on the phone on Thanksgiving, and that kind of thing. I’m doing my coin sale project, and I could make a few phone calls to various people to ask them questions, but hesitate because of the holiday.

I like seeing Twilight movies because ‘my kind of people’ tend to see them, and we are all together in one place. But when I leave them, I go back to my isolated life and my years and years of loneliness in a world where almost no one understands me. Hopefully, I won’t be so isolated after my decontamination. I won’t have to worry about the drug residues so much and I will be more free to interact with people, I hope.

feeling too sick and distracted to do anything; waiting for this holiday to be over

November 21, 2012

4:04 PM 11/21/2012

I have had a stomach virus on and off for over a week now. It goes away and it comes back again. I haven’t thrown up, but I have come close to it several times, and I have had diarrhea.

I’m at Dunkin Donuts, and I was going to try to work on my coin project, but I am feeling very distracted and unable to focus. I drank a cup of fake hot chocolate, which probably made it worse – it would have been that artificially flavored hot chocolate powder mixed with water, most likely, and not real chocolate, or just a tiny bit of real chocolate in it. I’m still somewhat sick today.

I’m also nervous because various businesses, including this one, are closing early because it’s the day before Thanksgiving. When I ordered my cup of hot chocolate, the lady wished me a happy holiday, and I said, ‘Thanks, you too.’ But I felt empathically that she wanted to cry, for my sake. She doesn’t know that I do actually have family and I am capable of going to visit them on holidays, but I don’t do it. To her, I am just the homeless lady who doesn’t have any family, and holidays are a sad time. In a way, this is actually true.

I haven’t gone to the Thanksgiving dinners in years, even though my aunt and other relatives are nearby. I am unable to enjoy myself with them. I am unable to open up and tell them what’s going on in my life, what I’m doing, what I’m interested in, what I care about. I don’t like the discomfort of trying to have a personal discussion with a bunch of people who are all living relatively normal lives that are nothing like my life. And yet I’m supposed to be personal with them because they’re my family. I’m supposed to be allowed to relax and talk in a personal way, but I can’t. I cannot tell them the things I really care about. I cannot tell them why I do the things I do. I cannot be myself with them. So I do not enjoy celebrating holidays with them.

Not only that, but the stomach viruses are always the worst around the holidays, because people are traveling in large numbers, for football games and for the holidays themselves. That is why a stomach virus always happens on exactly Thanksgiving Day or Christmas Day. Large numbers of people moving from place to place *always* bring stomach viruses, which ruins the holidays.

So I always get sick when I try to eat Thanksgiving Dinner. It’s happened over and over again. I go over there all excited to eat all the nice food, but I have a stomach virus and I can barely nibble a couple bites.

I don’t have holidays to celebrate with ‘my people,’ holidays that are meaningful to me, to us. I don’t believe in Christmas. Thanksgiving is no longer meaningful either – we can have infinite amounts of food all year long – nothing is seasonal – we can import food from all over the planet at any time of year. There is nothing special about autumn and food and harvest. Nobody even thinks about ‘harvest time’ anymore. We just buy food in the grocery stores and a lot of it comes from South America and other places during the wintertime.

I’m anxious now because nobody is in this restaurant except me, I think, although I haven’t gone out there and looked in a while. It sounds like nobody else is out there.

I have things to do, but can’t do them today. I feel like I have to wait till this holiday is over. I would also like to not be sick and would like to be able to eat real food again.

I feel like I’m going to just go somewhere else and do something random instead of something productive today. I hate this. I hate wasting time.

taking a break from the coin inventory

November 21, 2012

10:47 PM 11/20/2012

I’m tired of this project and I have to take a break. I am laboriously entering data into a database, but it is a non-ergonomic database, and I have to move around all over the place to find the column I want, and I don’t think I’m able to freeze columns so that I can see the first couple columns and remember where I am, and that kind of thing. It’s Microsoft Works, which is the version that you’re allowed to use without entering the registration number. I have the number, I just haven’t entered it yet. I could use the Microsoft Office that’s installed on here. (I just turned my netbook upside-down and looked at the little label underneath, which is completely smeared blank because it’s gotten damp so many times… but I also have it on the CD at home.) Anyway, I don’t think Microsoft Works is able to do nice things like freeze columns. I haven’t tried looking for it yet, because I vaguely remember that I tried to do that in the past, and couldn’t.

Anyway, I’m looking up coin values online. I’m also using the calculator, which is also not ergonomic, because I don’t have a numeric keypad on this computer. My old laptop, which didn’t connect to the internet, had a way of switching the normal keys over to a numeric keypad, so that it would be over top of some of the keys on the right side, where J, K, and L are located. It was better than having no numeric keypad at all. So I have to type numbers into the calculator by using the numbers from the row above the keys. I haven’t really learned to operate this calculator using keys alone, and when I try to operate it using keys alone, weird things happen and I don’t understand what they are or how to fix them. I can’t even explain what it was that happened. I don’t know how to backspace or undo the last action. So I’m half-typing and half-mousing to operate the calculator, which is very annoying. It’s very slow. I’m alt-tabbing between the database and the browser and the calculator when I need it, and slowly, slowly, slowly I am entering the prices into the database.

I’ve only gotten about 1/3 of the way through, and so far my total is about $700 something, but that is because I’ve included one gold coin which is worth about $400. Without that, I have about $300 so far. I don’t know if the next 2/3 will be similar – it’s all random silver coins and rounds and bars – so I can’t estimate how much it will total (aside from the gold coin). I liked collecting a variety of random things, just for their interestingness, but it would have been more convenient for my database if I had collected nothing but one type of coin!

I also keep adding more columns to my database, more fields. I keep discovering that I need to use one more piece of information, or that I need to use a number in a different format, like a decimal instead of a fraction. I’m trying to keep my data clean. I don’t want to enter different kinds of data into the same column. I know ALL ABOUT messy data, because I once did a project in Excel many years ago when I worked for a recruiter. He had a list of over 10,000 people’s names and contact information. It wasn’t a database, it was a spreadsheet, so you had to be careful not to accidentally move things from one row/column into another random row/column. It wasn’t able to keep the information together as a ‘record’ the way a database can. We had hundreds of names where the first and last name were listed together in the same cell, like ‘Nicole Binns’ written in one cell, rather than ‘Nicole’ (firstname) and ‘Binns’ (lastname) separately. I made a special function (which eventually became a macro) that would separate first and last names from each other; however, it got complicated, because we also had a lot of names like ‘Sir Frederick A. Smith, Jr.’, written that way, with commas and periods and other little things added on, so I made my function able to detect things like that, or I tried to. It worked pretty well, but I never finished it. So I know all about the consequences of making a huge database filled with thousands of pieces of messy data in formats that change randomly from one entry to the next.

Anyway, this project is very tiring, and sort of disappointing, in a way. I sort of wish that my coin collection would be huge and I would be a millionaire from it, but in reality, it’s just going to be a few hundred dollars, and I know how quickly a few hundred dollars can be destroyed. I don’t like the idea of just destroying hundreds of dollars, which is what I have had to do during my decontaminations all these years, throwing away my clothes, and buying restaurant food instead of cooking (which isn’t related to the decontamination, but instead has to do with my overall lifestyle, working too many hours and not having enough time at home, and which also resulted from various problems that happened in the past which prevented me from cooking my own food). I know how quickly these huge amounts of money can just disappear into nothing. I don’t like the idea that I’m going to change these coins into cash which will be spent on something.

But still, that is exactly what I am going to do. When the money is in the form of coins, it is hard to spend, and that is why I use that as my form of savings. It’s inconvenient to just reach in there and grab a bunch of money and waste it on something, and so, the coins can just sit there for years and years and years without being spent. But if I set aside a couple hundred dollars in cash and expected myself to not touch it, it would be hard to resist just reaching in there anytime I was worried about money and needed something now. I like the solid, secure feeling of knowing that I have a bunch of hard-to-spend money which is just sitting around waiting for an emergency.

I’m getting rid of it for decontamination purposes and for other purposes, and because I might move somewhere in the future, and if I move, I want to carry with me as little as possible. If I were riding my bike a long distance, I wouldn’t want to be carrying a box of coins with me, for instance.

So I’m just getting this unpleasant feeling that the amount of cash I will get is disappointingly small, sort of like your federal tax refund. You get your tax refund, and it’s like, ‘Wow! Awesome! I just got $1000!’ and then you realize that you will spend $1000 in just a couple of weeks and it will all be gone and it will have very little impact on your life.

Nothing really has an impact unless it is either 1. a very large amount, like the amount of money you earn in an entire year, or 2. a reliable recurring income, like some kind of payment that you receive every month, forever, a passive income. But a one-time payment of any amount smaller than the amount you earn in one year is probably not going to benefit you very much. For instance, if I somehow randomly just got $5,000 for some reason, I’d be happy about it, but also kind of disappointed, knowing that it would not last very long and would not help my life very much. Even if I got $10,000 just handed to me, it would still sort of feel like that, although it would be better.

I am not trying to buy a car, and I won’t be using the money to pay off a debt, so I could use the money for several things. I could use it to pay for food while I take time off work, for instance. The amount of money determines how many weeks or months I will be able to take off work. I probably would not completely quit my job, but would instead work maybe only one day a week, or something, if I had a lot of money, until I had done something to create a passive income or some other way of earning money all the time.

I wouldn’t just fool around during my time off work. I would do some kind of project whose intention was to permanently increase my quality of life or my income. I might do something to start earning a passive income, or I might educate myself and learn some kind of knowledge or skill that would let me earn a higher hourly wage.

This would be even worse for ‘normal’ people living a ‘normal’ lifestyle. Imagine if you were living in a house or apartment, paying the rent or the mortgage every month. Imagine you were also making car payments, college loan payments, and other debt payments. What difference would it make if someone randomly handed you $10,000? You might pay off one or two small debts, but your life would feel exactly the same afterwards, and it would come nowhere near paying *all* of your debts. What exactly could someone in that situation do with $10,000 that would *make a difference* in their lives, so that their lives felt permanently better afterwards?

But if you use the money as an opportunity to take time off work, that’s when it makes a huge difference. You can then study and learn something, gain a new skill, educate yourself, and thereby permanently increase your hourly income. Or you can make major lifestyle changes to drastically reduce your expenses. But these things take time and effort and willpower and energy, and you can’t do them while also working 80 hours a week to pay all your debts and rent and all that.

I personally do not have college debt. I was lucky. My parents paid for my college. I also had a very small scholarship, but I don’t remember how much it paid for. It didn’t pay for everything, just a part of it. I think it might have paid for the cost of living in the dorm, or something, for one year. So I don’t know anything about college debt. I have heard from other people that you cannot default on college debt. However, my friend Peter hasn’t been paying for his Penn State debt, and the only thing that happens is, he gets phone calls from debt collectors. It’s been years and years ago, like, decades. I have heard that they will actually do something bad, like arrest you, if you don’t pay college loans, but then I’ve seen Peter and I’ve vaguely heard from other people that nothing really happens. So I don’t know exactly what will happen if you default on college loans.

This is what one website says:

The Ramifications of Defaulting on Student Loans

1. Your tax refunds may be withheld and used for payment.
2. Part of your salary may be withheld if you work for the federal government.
3. You may be sued and taken to court for the entire loan amount.
4. You may be required to repay your debt under an income contingent repayment plan and thus repay more than the original principal and interest on your loan.
5. You will not be able to obtain additional state or federal student aid until you make satisfactory arrangements to repay.
6. You will be ineligible for deferments.
7. You may not be able to renew a professional license.

I don’t know what ‘ineligible for deferments’ means.

The worst ones in that list: Your tax refundds might be withheld and used as payment; you may be sued and taken to court; you may be required to repay your debt under an income contingent repayment plan; you may not be able to renew a professional license. I wouldn’t be working at a government job, so those wouldn’t apply to me.

Peter is unemployed and disabled, which might explain why nothing seems to be happening to him.

Anyway, I was thinking about this because I was imagining how I would ‘rescue’ people from that lifestyle, from desperately trying to pay their bills, and defaulting on their debts is one way of doing that, but the government can garnish their wages afterwards, it seems. So they would have to work under the table, doing something that the government doesn’t know about. I’ve been wondering about that for years, about ways that I (or anyone) could work under the table.

I googled ‘working under the table,’ and I was looking at a page called ‘Stuff Unemployed People Like’ (or something like that), which led me to another page called ‘Stuff Asian People Like,’ and I started reading about plastic surgery to change the appearance of Asian epicanthic folds. This was fascinating enough to keep me entertained for quite a while. (and no, I do not approve.)

I totally forget what I was talking about. Rescuing people who are stuck paying their debts. I was talking about how it feels to get a medium sized amount of money handed to you at once, and how it’s hard to decide what to do with it, how it’s not really enough to make a major long term difference in your life, unless it’s a really large amount. You have to make decisions about the best ways to spend this money so that it will make the longest impact on your quality of life. And that’s how I’m feeling right now as I look at how much silver I have and estimate how much money I might get for it. It’s a little bit of money, but not enough to make a big difference, but yet, it could help me for a while. The best thing I could do would be to take as much time off work as possible, to prolong my weeks where I am working the fewest possible hours at my job.

I just needed to take a break from the project. I don’t know when I’m going home. It’s midnight and I’ve had a lot of caffeine, and I spent all day yesterday sleeping, so I don’t really feel like going to bed again.

Lying in bed for hours and hours and hours is boring. I was forced awake every once in a while, and then forced back to sleep again. I don’t know how I would sleep and wake in the real world if I were not being attacked, but I know that it’s normal to wake up for a while on your own and then go back to sleep, or rather, it used to be normal, before people were being attacked.

But, while I was lying there awake, still resting, still comfortable and warm in my sleeping bags, in the darkness, with nothing to do, I started thinking about math. I also thought about other things, like, trying to understand why the world is the way it is. I tried to remember all that I had learned about vector math, which was very little – I only studied it briefly from a book at Barnes & Noble a couple years ago, and I barely even started the book. I thought about the phenomenon of ignorance in the world, about how ignorance is eternal and neverending and infinite, ignorance is reborn anew every day in every new child, and how do you cure the world of its ignorance? You can make a school, and that’s the best you can do. I tried to fit this into socionics, and so I started thinking about ‘the phenomenon of power,’ which I don’t understand as well as the phenomenon of ignorance. I’m not sure how to separate power from knowledge. I thought about socionic information elements and the plus and minus signs. (I still haven’t found the author of one particular socionic model that I’m interested in.) And yet, various types of power can occur without knowledge.

I thought about these things while lying in bed awake in the darkness for many hours, resting, without caffeine, after having slept and slept enough and yet still sleeping some more. I would have slept through Tuesday, too, but I was anxious about my unfinished projects. I didn’t mind getting hungry and weak, as long as I had enough water to drink. I was so weak that I was uncomfortable walking down the mountain to go to Sheetz to get food. It hurt to stand up and walk.

But being hungry is not life threatening, not like thirst. You can go hungry for a very long time without dying, like, a couple weeks. I know for sure that no harm would be done if I fasted for three or four days. I’ve never tried fasting for that long. I didn’t necessarily ‘want’ to fast for a long time, but rather, I just wanted to sleep, and I didn’t happen to have any food up in the tent, except the couple of slim jims and pistachios that I ate on Monday. So if I happened to sleep without eating for two or three days, that would be fine, and eventually I would feel so hungry that I would desire to get up and go down to find food. I only wanted to sleep for as long as my body wanted me to sleep, and go into caffeine withdrawal.

But I was able to think more deeply about things after having rested a long time and withdrawn from caffeine. I mean, I could not think *really* deeply, not in a way that would lead to decisions or action, because of the psychotronic attacks. But I could think deeply in a passive, observational way, like watching the world and trying to understand why it is the way it is. I was able to do that a little better after sleeping a very long time and withdrawing from caffeine.

What would I be able to do if I slept without being psychotronically attacked? It would be amazing. I would be a healthy, happy, peaceful person full of wisdom and creativity. If I were also eating a special diet for my food sensitivities, then I would be able to do many more things. I would be calm, relaxed, and observant. I would make wise decisions. I would know when action was needed, and I would do it.

I am slowly working towards my freedom as well as I can, and right now, I can only work to be free from the drug residues, and I am very close to succeeding. With every decontamination, they are more and more diluted.

the coin inventory

November 20, 2012

6:34 PM 11/20/2012

I did some unusual things in the last couple days. I don’t remember which night it was, but I actually slept in a hotel a couple nights ago. I left work a little bit early because I felt sick. My sleeping in a hotel was probably ‘their’ idea, but it was something I had wanted to try for a while, because I had talked with another homeless guy who told me that he would sometimes just rent a hotel room whenever he wanted to take a shower. I wondered if I could do that too. I only have cash, and I don’t have credit cards anymore, and I didn’t know if it was possible to get a hotel room with only cash, so that was one reason why I wanted to try it. It wasn’t a problem, I just had to pay for the room first before going in.

I took a very long shower and then sat in the bath afterwards. I haven’t had a shower since I went to my parents’ house last year around November-December, when I took a bunch of stuff down there to put into long term storage. I have just been bathing in either sinks or the creek since then. Showering is wonderful, and if I weren’t focused on my decontaminations, I would probably like to do other projects, such as setting up a shower that gets heated by sunlight, or something, near my tent. It could collect rainwater. I don’t have a creek near my tent. I’ve seen solar heated showers for sale in the store. They have a black rubbery thing that holds the water which gets heated by the sun. I would have to set it up somewhere where it could get sun, and I imagine putting it high up in a tree. That would be possible, but very hard to do.

If I do go to a hotel again, I will go to a cheaper one. This one was $65. I think I wanted to go there because I felt sick and because I thought I might have a stomach virus. Other people were throwing up, and I almost threw up too, which was why I wanted to leave work early. Being in a comfortable hotel with a toilet and a shower would be the nicest place to be if I were going to be throwing up all night long. But it didn’t happen, and I just slept comfortably in a big, huge bed, and then left in the morning, and went to work, which was right down the street, so I didn’t have to ride my bike a long way to get to work, and I was there in a couple minutes.

The electronic attacks changed while I was in the hotel. It took them a long time to start attacking me. I always hear voices and can talk to them, but they are usually the very quiet, non-disruptive voices. The attacks that I’m talking about were the loud, disruptive zaps and images and noises. That didn’t happen for quite a while when I was at the hotel. It was a couple hours later when it started to happen.

Sunday night, I went home from work to my tent. I went to bed sometime before midnight on Sunday night. I stayed in bed all night Sunday, all day Monday, all Monday night, and Tuesday morning until about noon. I withdrew from caffeine, and I also fought off the cold virus that I have been fighting on and off for the past week or so. I didn’t eat much, just a couple of the large size Slim Jims and some leftover unopened pistachios, the ones that are hard to break open, left in the bottom of the container, and I just drank my bottled water. I didn’t feel hungry. I just wanted to sip some water now and then.

But on Tuesday, today, I felt very weak. I got up and decided that I would use caffeine today, because I had to do a project that I was dreading. I went down the mountain to get food and coffee and Coke and a bottle of tea. I allowed myself to use lots of caffeine of all different types so that I would have the energy to do this dreaded project. I didn’t take my bike, I just walked, because I was only going to Sheetz and I was going to be walking right back up the mountain, and I didn’t want to push my bike.

On the way home, I petted the little orange cat, who was outside today because the weather was nice. I also talked to a neighbor, the wife of a guy who I often chat with. She told me that if I ever needed anything, if I ever had a problem, I could go to their house, and she also told me about ‘Out Of The Cold,’ a church program where homeless people were allowed to sleep in the churches in the wintertime. Another homeless man had already told me about Out of the Cold, so I told her I knew about it and had already considered it and was aware that I could do it if I needed it. I told her I appreciated knowing that I could go to her house, and that it made me feel more secure knowing that there were neighbors nearby who could help me if I needed it.

The weather was mild, not really warm, but it was above freezing, and there was no wind, and the sun was shining, although it was partly cloudy. I would have liked it to be warmer and sunnier, but still, I could tolerate this weather, and it was a good day to do my project.

I decided I was going to sell my coin collection. I wanted to do this mainly because I am getting rid of everything contaminated, and the coin collection had been around since the time period when the contamination first began. I didn’t know how badly the coins or the box would be contaminated, but I suspected that it would be very badly contaminated, and so I was really, really dreading going through it. I was afraid it would cause a big outbreak of something like ephedra, something really bad.

But today I went through the box without wearing gloves, and I observed my reactions. My reactions were very mild, and I felt a small amount of something which might have been tobacco, which I don’t mind very much. It was nowhere near as terrible as I thought it might be, because I had taken good care of it all these years and had kept it wrapped in boxes and bags and had kept it off the floor and away from anything severely contaminated.

Still, I am going to sell the coin collection, because I want to start over. It is a tiny bit contaminated anyway. And I could use the extra money now. I don’t know exactly how much it is going to be. It’s mostly silver, bullion silver, things like half dollars or silver dollars or silver dimes, a few one ounce bars, a few one ounce rounds. The prices of many of them are ridiculously low, like one ounce for $12 (the price now is $33.14 for one ounce of silver today). I bought them a few years ago.

I don’t really count this as a ‘profit,’ because the prices of everything else have gone up too, like the price of food. The price of everything I buy every day has gone up. So I might get ‘more money’ for a piece of silver than I did in the past, but I would also spend it more quickly on food, which also went up. I would like to make a database that calculates all of this and makes a ratio that estimates how silver compares to food and things that I really buy. I might or might not use some official government economic figures, but I will also use my own numbers, such as how much it costs to buy a meal at some particular restaurant that I frequently go to. I want to get the prices of things that I really buy every day. My data will not be very ‘clean,’ because my buying habits are going to change, and I won’t be able to compare my past shopping habits with my present and future shopping habits. Many of the things that I’ve been buying are related to the contamination, such as towels and washcloths and new clothes.

The price of Goodwill clothes used to be $0.25 all week long (for the items that have been there a long time that they’re trying to get rid of, but not for all items), and now, those special items have gone up to $0.29, and they are only on sale Sunday and Monday, not all week. So the price of Goodwill’s ‘disposable clothes’ went up over the past few years, and that was something that I always bought because of the contamination. But in the future, I won’t have to buy those as much anymore. It will be very hard to compare data in the past to data in the future, but even so, I would like to try to collect *some* kind of data, so that I can understand whether my silver sales are really profitable or not, in the future, or if they went up just as much as the price of everything else. I would collect all of this information in a database, or several databases.

Today, I only wanted to go through them all and see exactly what I have and write it down. So I sat outside in the setting sun this afternoon and I wrote down every piece of silver and gold that I had (I had only a couple small pieces of gold, not much). I wrote them down and now I need to get an estimate of how much they are worth, and then I need to decide how I will sell them. I know several different ways that I can sell them, and I want to try to get the best price for them.

It won’t be a ton of money. It will be a few hundred dollars. However, I will feel better about getting rid of something which is slightly contaminated (though not very badly at all, as I discovered), and also, I don’t know where I’m going to be living or where I will move to in the future, and I probably don’t want to carry a box of coins with me when I move. It would be easier not to have to worry about that.

I’m not quitting the coin collection. I’m going to continue collecting more coins in the future, and I will keep better track of them, in a database. I just want to get clean and start fresh.

So, that was the one thing that I did today. I haven’t completed it. I still need to look up the prices of the coins so I have some idea at least vaguely of how much I can get for them.

I’m very glad that I bought silver coins in the past and I am still convinced that this is a very good way to keep money in the long term. Even if the price of silver goes down, I will still keep on buying, because of what I believe about silver. I will just take advantage of the lower prices, and buy more, if that should happen. I’ve thought about this a lot, and my database could help me decide when to sell and when to keep something, and I would have to compare it to the prices of everything else that I buy. But I haven’t actually made a database yet, and haven’t collected any data about the prices of everything as a measure of the local experience of inflation.

The coin collection sale is part of my decontamination, as I get rid of most of my belongings in order to prevent recontamination in the future. This decontamination is what I will be working on during my reduced work weeks now. My first reduced work week is now. I will be off work tomorrow and Thursday. I haven’t decided exactly what I will do yet. I will be able to get a *lot* more done with just a couple extra days off, especially because I can spend Monday sleeping off my caffeine and recovering from the days of work.

Don’t worry if I am not blogging a lot in the next couple weeks.

November 17, 2012

I got my reduced work schedule. It starts next week. So next week I will be off work Mon-Thursday, and I go back in again Fri-Sun. I’m going to work on my decontamination and I might also want to take a break from using the internet. But I will still be getting online a couple times a week, but perhaps not every single day.

Laundry reaction, continuing… Not too bad

November 15, 2012

10:30 PM 11/14/2012

I can still tell that I am having a reaction to the laundry with the drug residues spread all over it, but it’s an extremely low level of contamination, and the symptoms are very mild. I noticed when I was riding my bike home last night that my eyes were unable to produce tears, from the drying effect of the ephedra, and the cold wind was blowing into my eyes and it was painful, and no matter how much I squinted or closed my eyes or rubbed my eyes, they would not produce tears. However, I did not get insomnia. I was able to fall asleep relatively easily after a little while.

But I am having anxiety as one of my symptoms. Last night, I was mortally afraid to walk up into the woods, partly because I had seen a bear a few days ago. But normally, my fear would not be so intense and incapacitating – I’m aware that there are bears, and I carry my spear with me, but most of the time, I do not feel terrified. I only feel afraid whenever I am already in a fearful mood for other reasons, and the drug residues are causing that. I was so scared, it was hard to fall asleep at first. I seem to be doing okay now, but I am still having some anxiety. Again, today it is mild. So hopefully I will not be going crazy during this laundry contamination incident, and I will survive a few more weeks until I can work on my decon.

I am just very impatiently waiting for my time off so that I can get more work done. It is almost impossible for me to get anything done now. My exhaustion has been severe, and I am so miserable that I cannot do even trivial work in my little bit of time off that I have.

I desperately want to move on with my life. I want to do new things, learn new things, earn money and be able to keep it and spend it on something other than replacing all of my belongings.

I can really relate to the people in the Amish video last night. I know how it feels to be trapped into a very narrow lifestyle and to have an intense desire to do something totally different and to learn that you are capable of doing much more than what you are doing now. But in the Amish lifestyle, there are benefits, such as a supportive community, whereas I do not have many benefits like that in my life, although I have a lot of independence, and relatively low expenses (except for food and for decontaminations).

I am just so impatient to get this over with. And I know that I will not be completely, perfectly safe after this soil decon, because a few more things are still risky – I won’t get into it, just take my word for it, I will still have to fix a few more things.

This laundry washing incident is a very good sign. I am having symptoms but they are mild. I have this desire to tell everyone, to convince everyone, to prove to everyone, that it’s really true, that my decontaminations are actually working, that they are actually useful, that they are actually helping. I keep wanting to say that the last couple of contamination incidents have been very mild and have not caused severe problems, and that this is because everything I’ve done has been effective at getting rid of the drug residues, which are the cause of my symptoms and my moods and behavior problems.

But I do not have the means to prove it in a technical way that would convince many people. I could only demonstrate it to people who were willing to try it themselves, and only if they had already been contaminated by something, like, for instance, a prescription drug user who wants to stop using all drugs forever, but can’t stop, because even after quitting, they keep on having unexplained anxiety attacks or recurring withdrawal symptoms, months or years after quitting, which is often caused by the remaining drug residues on their belongings.

I suspect that LSD flashbacks are caused by residues also, and I’m referring to external residues, not residues inside the body – there is already a mainstream theory about drug residues lingering inside particular body tissues and then coming out once in a while and causing reactions, which is different from what I am talking about.

I should go someplace else if I’m going to continue typing this. I’m sitting in a place where the air is not really fresh, and I don’t feel well if I sit down here too long, in the basement at McDonald’s. There is mold in the air down here, and also, someone believes that our CO2 tank (for the soda machine) has a small leak. I just know that when I sit down here too long, I become stupid, and I also get pins and needles in my hands and feet.

I ended up watching a video about Amish rumspringa

November 14, 2012

My reaction to the laundry is not very bad, but I slightly feel it. This is a good sign – all my decontamination efforts have worked well

November 13, 2012

9:10 PM 11/13/2012

My dry sinus feeling isn’t that bad. It never got as bad as it sometimes did in the past. However, I do have a feeling that my blood pressure is low and that I am somewhat uncoordinated and weird somehow. I’m familiar with all these things happening from the residues. It is very mild compared to reactions I had in the past. I can tell that I’m having a reaction and that it needs to be fixed, but it is tolerable. I actually had a very runny nose, not dry sinuses, because of the hot and spicy soup. My permanent smirk went away and I have a relaxed mouth now, which is good. I am also not clenching my teeth now. It is likely that I will have fatigue and weakness and slowness, though, which always causes problems at work, and I feel like I’m not breathing fast enough. When this happens, I use TONS of caffeine, and I am very likely to use even more caffeine over the next few weeks, only to become severely exhausted, even more than I already was.

I have been writing a lot as a substitute for doing anything. It’s been harder to do any work because it’s been cold. I need to go on a shopping trip to Wal-Mart. That requires me to feel not exhausted on my days off. I have been so exhausted that I can barely bring myself to do anything at all except sit down and type on the computer.

‘Tis the season to discover… the kid in all of us.’ This is on a commercial for the L.L. Bean Trailblazer headlamp, a little flashlight you wrap over your forehead. I’m at Dunkin Donuts, and the TV is on. On this commercial, four little kids excitedly sit down together on the couch with their little headlamps on, aimed at the fireplace, watching for Santa.

Ever since I read ‘The Trouble With Christmas,’ I’ve had the logical arguments that I need to explain what’s wrong with this image. The kids are all excited and happy… but we all know that Santa will never come. How can this story be resolved peacefully? Eventually they all fall asleep on the couch. Aww, that’s so cute! No child is capable of staying awake long enough to discover that Santa Claus never comes! No child in all of human history has ever sat there all night long only to discover that Santa never, ever, ever came down the chimney, and then, after sitting there awake all night long, to get in a fight with their parents who try to tell the kid to go to bed so that they can secretly put the presents out themselves. The lie of Santa Claus is very harmful to children. But I don’t need to explain it. Read the book.

I think I might do something passive, like watching movies on YouTube again, for a while tonight. The other night I watched most of ‘The Polar Bear King’ in German or whatever language it’s in, Der Eisbarkonig (and I don’t have the umlauts over it). The English version always gets removed by YouTube, but the foreign language versions of movies tend to be left alone. I only wish I knew of more movies that I loved that were available in foreign languages that I can semi-understand. I can understand fragments of the German, and also, I watched that movie so many times that I already had it almost memorized, so I know what’s going on even when I don’t know what they’re saying.

Doing the laundry

November 13, 2012

4:58 PM 11/13/2012

I decided this morning that I was going to go to the laundromat. I am very reluctant to buy new clothes right now when I’m not yet doing my decon. My clothes are slightly contaminated, and washing them will cause the residues to just spread all over the laundry in a thin layer, while a few molecules of the residue go down the drain with the water. Still, I want to wash them. They smell, and the smell doesn’t bother me, but I have to wear my uniform to work. I am going to bathe in the sink in the bathroom at Pugh Street Garage. Another reason I wanted to go to the laundromat was because some of my clothes got wet last night from the rain, and it makes me feel better to go wash them and dry them and put them back on while they’re warm.

Also, I would like to take a pretty thorough bath and shampoo my hair thoroughly several times before I actually do my decon, so that I won’t have any leftover residues accidentally left in my hair when I’m wearing clean new clothes.

I realize that my bathrooms are vulnerable to forces that I have no control over. I read someplace that somebody believed Pugh Street Garage needed to be rebuilt, that it was too old. If they rebuild it, they may change the layout in such a way that the bathroom is no longer a good place for me to take my baths.

I decided that this particular bathroom was the best one, for many reasons. Hardly anyone is ever waiting in line. If you go there at the right time of day, there isn’t any security guard watching – no one is watching at all. You can stay in there for twenty or thirty minutes without alarming anyone, if you’re alone. Washing my hair in a sink is difficult and messy, and it takes a long time, and I have to wipe up the floor afterwards because water goes everywhere. The sink does NOT have one of those automatic sensor faucets. You can turn the handle. The hot water usually works, although I went through a period for several weeks when it was broken there and I took baths someplace else. But most of the time it works. There is another bathroom right next to it, the men’s bathroom, and if someone has an absolute emergency, they can go in there if they have to, while I’m locked in the women’s bathroom for half an hour. They’re individual bathrooms, not group bathrooms with stalls. In the winter, the heater is usually on, so it’s warm in there.

I’m walking around barefoot in this laundromat. It’s relatively warm in here. I washed my socks. I took off several layers of the clothes I was wearing and washed them, and also my work uniform. After some of my clothes get dry, I’m going to put them on, and take off the rest of what I’m wearing, and wash it. There’s a little hallway here that says ‘NO ADMITTANCE BEYOND THIS POINT’ and ‘STOP! NO TRESPASSING IN THIS AREA.’ I’m going to go down that little hall, just around the corner, and change my clothes there. There are two other people in here with me.

I wish I could wash my shoes, but unfortunately the big sink doesn’t work at this laundromat. You turn the faucet handle, and nothing comes out. So I can’t wash my shoes in the sink. I just took them off and I’m trying to let them dry out, with the tongue pulled out and the velcro straps disconnected from the holes they go through. There’s no bathroom in here. There is, but it’s locked. I remember I once talked to the guy who owns or maintains another laundromat in town, and he told me that he had locked the bathroom there because people were damaging it. I hate it when people like that ruin things for everybody else. I would like to have a pay toilet, at least, so you could put quarters in and it would unlock. That would be better than nothing, and it would help cover the cost of people damaging the bathrooms.

Doing the laundry is not really a decon. It doesn’t remove enough of the residues. I know that I will have a reaction as soon as I put my clean clothes back on. However, it will be mild, and I will tolerate it for a few weeks until I do my real decon. I hope that it does not cause any severe behavior problems or severe fatigue, but I know it will affect me at least mildly. I might have intense hunger, sugar crashes, food cravings. I might walk around with a smirk on my face for no reason. I might get heart palpitations (I already did, when I put on my wet shoes without my socks on, temporarily, a few minutes ago, to walk across the street to go to Subway). I might write even longer, more verbose, more bizarre rants than usual.

I really enjoyed reading that article about how to start a meat buying club. I would like to read it again, but I can’t get the internet from here. I enjoy fantasizing about starting a business that competes with McDonald’s. I was reading on the Weston Price website and somebody said they wished that someday in the future, a particular business that ‘shall remain nameless’ would close its doors and stop selling its unhealthy, factory farm food. I wonder if they were talking about McDonald’s – it fits that description.

I would like Anaya to be an all-purpose food business. I would like to do everything possible to serve the customers and make it extremely convenient for them to eat this food every meal, every day, any time. I fantasize that we’d be open 24 hours. We would deliver. We would let you eat in the restaurant. We would have a drive-thru. We would sell food that you could prepare at home, like a grocery store, from our restaurants. We would also sell our brand of food in the normal grocery stores. We would sell fast food, and we would sell slow food. Fast food is something you can conveniently eat in your car when you’re in a hurry and on the way to work, which is why McDonald’s breakfast sandwiches are so popular – they’re dry, and you can hold them in your hand, whereas something that requires a fork and spoon and has to be eaten from a bowl or a plate cannot be eaten while driving to work. Sandwiches are an ideal convenience food.

I would like to select only certain foods to sell. I imagine I’d make a diet without grains and without milk. That would be challenging. It would be helpful to people who are eating special diets, and yet it would be nourishing enough and interesting enough to be eaten by everybody, and almost everyone benefits from special diets even if they are not severely food sensitive.

I want to avoid grains. How do you make easy-to-eat convenience foods that are dry and that can be held in your hand, without bread? Bread’s purpose in a sandwich is to make it easy to hold the meat without touching it, meat and other condiments that are usually wet. The bread is dry. What things besides bread can serve that purpose? You could use a special type of leaf. Leaves are waterproof. But it would have to be big enough to fully enclose the food inside. It would have to be strong and bendable so you could roll it up, but also tender enough to easily bite into. We use leaves at McDonald’s when somebody orders a sandwich with no bun. We’re supposed to put two pieces of leaf lettuce into the container, and then make the rest of the sandwich on it. You’re supposed to put the leaf lettuce around the sandwich and use it like bread. It doesn’t really work very well, and it’s messy, but I’ve done it before, and it can be done. It could be done better if someone put some effort into designing convenience foods made with some kind of leaves.

We could use the same kind of seaweed that they use for sushi rolls.

You could also sell soup, but sell it in a container that makes it easy to drink the soup without using a spoon, something neat and non-messy, so you could eat it in your car. You want to make sure that someone can use this thing without blocking their view of the road.

To compete against McDonald’s, we have to be able to do what McDonald’s can do, but do it with healthy foods. McDonald’s is able to give you exactly what you order and they can do it in just a minute or two, because it’s set up like a factory. You don’t have to wait twenty minutes for it like you do at a sit down restaurant. The menu is always limited. Sometimes they create a new item, but it’s only there temporarily, and the basic items always remain on the menu and never change. The basic items can be made quickly and easily by anybody in the store. Everyone there knows how to make everything, or most of the items. All the employees can go back to help make the food. In fact, almost any employee can go work in another employee’s position if needed, although some people are more limited. But most employees are ‘dual purpose’ at least. Some people are better at working in one position than in another position. Still, they avoid specializing too much.

…Well, I’ve changed into my washed clothes, and I notice that my sinuses are dry. That is the most noticeable symptom of the ephedra-tobacco residue mixture. I am also clenching my teeth. The residues are now spread all over the clothing, inside and out. Formerly, before I washed them, they had residues on them, but only in a few small areas, and not all over the entire surface inside and outside like it is now. It always affects me less before I wash the clothes, and it affects me more after I wash them. That is why I’ve just been throwing my clothes in the garbage for the past few years, and buying the $0.29 clothes at Goodwill whenever possible. Still, this is temporary. I am going to change clothes completely and throw these away in a couple of weeks from now. I just want them to last a little bit longer, and they smell strongly enough that I am not really happy about wearing them to work.

I need to go outside and go someplace else to use the bathroom.

Yeah, I have a permanent smirk now. I’m definitely having a reaction. I *pray* that this is mild enough that I don’t do anything severely crazy. I just don’t want to be forced to harass people who don’t want to be harassed. If it’s necessary, I can leave my netbook in the tent while I go to work, although I’ll make sure that my tent tarp is tied down and my netbook is in a couple of plastic bags. I’ll only be able to get online on the weekends when I go to the library. I could do that, just leave the netbook at home every day, while I’m having my manic attacks, for a couple of weeks, until I can do a real decon.

I went to the bathroom at Subway across the street. To get to the bathroom, you have to go down this long, scary secret passageway. First you go through a door that says ‘Restrooms,’ and that first door is styled in the Subway theme, in the Subway colors and the Subway font in the letters on the sign. So you know it’s Subway-approved and authorized and you’re allowed to go in there. But then, as soon as you go through the door, everything turns white and cold, and you go down this hallway that turns left and right and eventually goes to an exit door that you’re not allowed to go out of, I think. The letters on the signs are all ripped off, so that only a couple letters are left, and you can see something written like ‘P BL C RE RO M’ instead of ‘PUBLIC RESTROOM.’ It looks like some kind of utility or maintenance hallway instead of the bathrooms for a restaurant. It looks like a hallway in a horror movie.

After going around a couple of corners down this narrow, scary hallway, you eventually get to the restroom, but you have to pass up a couple of other doors that say ‘PRIVATE’ and something else, something having to do with Penn State or something, I forget what, but whatever it was, it wasn’t a bathroom. You feel like you’re not allowed to be here, and you’re not sure whether or not there really is going to be a bathroom somewhere, after passing all these other doors that you’re not allowed to go through, and even a little hall that goes down some stairs to an unknown place. You’re thinking, ‘Am I going to get in trouble if I get lost in here and someone sees me?’ But the first door was Subway-approved, so you know you should be okay, but it’s hard to believe it. When you finally get to the bathroom, you see that there isn’t a separate men’s and women’s room, it’s just one bathroom with a lock, and there’s no sign on the door, except another ‘ U LI EST OO ‘ or something, similar to the first sign earlier in the hallway. I got there and accidentally opened the door on a man who hadn’t locked it, but he was just washing his hands and was just about to leave.

Wow… doing the laundry instead of buying all new clothes is probably going to turn out to be a TERRIBLE mistake. I am *definitely* having a reaction. And no, I’m not reacting to the laundry detergent. I know I’m reacting to the residues. It wasn’t like this when I did laundry in the past before I handled the herbs. Well… like I said, if I start having problems, I will leave my netbook at home every day when I go to work.

I went to Cozy Thai again and ordered the Poh Tak (Taak?) soup to go.

My laundry reaction so far is not too bad. I am clenching my teeth. I feel somewhat lightheaded and am stumbling a little bit when I walk, and I think I might be having the reaction where my blood pressure goes lower and my heartbeat slows down. In the past, when there were more residues, I would often get bradycardia, a heart rate below 60 beats per minute, and I wasn’t exercising and I wasn’t in shape, which is the usual reason why someone has a heart rate that low. I would feel extremely exhausted when this happened. And it would always get fixed instantly if I changed into brand new clothes and took a shower, and this only started happening when I contaminated my stuff with the residues, but I don’t need to explain it all for the ten thousandth time. I only know that a few weeks from now I will do a real decontamination with new clothes and a new location for my campsite. I will still be at risk from a few things, but hopefully I will be stable enough to start the Get Rich Quick Project.

Branch Road is open! (in State College, Pa)

November 13, 2012

2:44 PM 11/13/2012

Branch Road is open again! They closed Branch Road to rebuild the bridge many months ago, shortly after I moved into Lemont and started riding my bike. I used Branch Road every day to go to work at McDonald’s. So it was extremely frustrating for me that they closed it. I had to find a detour, and I ended up either going down the bike path, or going up a little pedestrian path through Sandpiper Drive. There is a path from Sandpiper Drive up to Nimitz Avenue and also to Royal Circle. I took the one up to Royal Circle. I had to push my bike up a big hill every day, alongside the steps.

I remember I complained about how all the walnuts and acorns were left lying on the ground, ignored. One day when I was pushing my bike up by the steps to Royal Circle, there was a lady out in her backyard right next to there. They have a big walnut tree and it dropped hundreds of walnuts all over the yard and outside the fence. This lady was pushing a little roller thing, and I don’t know what it’s called, but imagine that it rolls sort of like a push lawnmower, the old fashioned kind that doesn’t have an engine, except that the roller thing is just a little wire cage, with big spaces between the wires. When the little wire cage rolled over a walnut, the walnut would push between the wires and get stuck inside the cage, but it wouldn’t fall back out – the wires were tight enough that you had to push to get the walnut in. A whole bunch of walnuts were inside this roller thing, rolling around, just like one of those little children’s toy mowers with the little brightly colored balls rolling inside.

I don’t know if this will work properly, but I’m going to try to insert a link to this image:


Yes! It worked! I’ve never done it that way before. I’ve always just used the buttons in WordPress that do it for you automatically. I just didn’t know the HTML code. It’s not that I’m not capable of knowing it, I just never bothered to try it before. The fact that I bothered to try it today is a symptom of mania, but no harm done. (I’ll explain why I’m having a mania symptom today.)

But I thought it was very funny to see this lady using this walnut picker-upper. It probably was originally meant to be used for picking up tennis balls at a tennis court without bending over, I’m guessing, like at those places where they have a machine that automatically shoots balls at you and you have to hit them, like baseballs. There would be dozens of balls lying around afterwards. I’m guessing that’s where this thing came from, but she was using it for walnuts, and this was very funny to me. You know how they say that when someone from a primitive tribe sees an airplane flying over, they have no reaction to it at all, no surprise, because they can’t even understand it, but if you show them a horse pulling a cart, they will laugh themselves silly, because it is something they can easily understand. I felt the same way. I understood exactly how ingenious this little walnut roller was.

I was going to ride my bike into town today, but when I got to Branch Road, I saw that the bright orange sign pointing and saying ‘Detour’ was gone. There seems to be a black sign still there, but the orange part with the words written on it was gone. I guess it’s just the base of the sign that is still sitting there. And there were lots of cars going down the road. So I couldn’t resist riding my bike down to try it for the first time even though I would have to go a longer route to get into town. The bridge is nothing special, just a bridge, with concrete around the edges, and I have no memory of what the old bridge used to be like, but I assume this one is designed to handle heavier trucks, or something.

As for why I am having manic symptoms today, it’s because my shoes are wet and they are contaminated (and I often have people coming to my blog who have no idea what I’m talking about because they’re not reading the rest of the blog, and I imagine people would find this page while looking for info about Branch Road, but anyway).

Last night the cold front went through, and the wind blew a lot. It blew the tarp off my tent. I didn’t have it tied down, because there was never any need for it to be tied down. I have almost never had any problems with the tarp flying off. Only once, it was slightly off to the side and I had to pull it back into place. The tarp is kind of pinched between the tent and a tree that is pressing against the edge of the tent, and some vines pressing against it on one of the sides, and those things kind of loosely hold it down. Anyway, I don’t have the rain fly on the tent, because the rain fly completely blocks the air vents so badly that I can’t breathe in there. I prefer to use the tarp, because it’s more adjustable.

So…. it was raining when I came home. The tarp was totally off the tent, lying piled up behind it. The roof vents were totally open. It rained inside my tent. There was a big pool of water in the lowest part. My sleeping bag was very wet, although not completely soaked. My pillows were wet.

After I fixed the tarp, I got in and tried to sleep. Sleeping bags are still able to keep you warm even when they are wet. They say this is an attribute of sleeping bags made from synthetic fabrics. It is true, and I have tested it several times. My sleeping bag has gotten damp before. I don’t like it, and it’s not really pleasant, but it does still keep me warm. It seems to gradually dry out overnight while you’re sleeping in it and warming it up with your body. So I was hoping that was what would happen. I had to struggle to adjust it exactly how I wanted it, but after a while, I was warm enough, and I went to sleep without shivering, and when I woke up, the sleeping bag felt mostly dry inside, and I was ‘baking hot,’ the way I like to be when I sleep. I like having a big safety zone in my temperature. I like to know that I’m so excessively hot that I have to strip off my clothes in order to cool down, and that tells me that I’m safe and I’m not going to get hypothermia. I don’t have to worry about how heavy all the sleeping bags are, because I’m not hiking. This is a permanent camp, and I don’t have to carry the sleeping bags. If you were hiking, then you would have to choose exactly the right sleeping bag that was light enough to carry but warm enough to protect you.

I know there are people out there worrying about me. Everyone worries when I tell them that I am camping even now in November. My coworkers worry, my friends and family worry, the neighbors that I chat with worry (although one neighbor guy seems to be finally believing me – we were chatting with another lady, and when I told her I was camping and she asked if I was cold, the guy who knows me by now said confidently, ‘Oh no! She’s warm as toast up there!.’)

I know that some homeless people die sometimes when the temperature gets very low. I think that sometimes happens if they are drunk, and it happens if they are too poor to buy themselves a bunch of huge expensive thick sleeping bags and insulation mats the way I am doing. I am wealthy compared to them.

It is amazing how well you can live without heat. I am not using any kind of heater in my tent, and I didn’t use one in my car. I do not light fires. I don’t burn anything. I just add more and more layers, more and more piles of insulation, and eventually, it is always enough! I use sheer brute force. If you just pile the insulation mats high enough, eventually they will block out the cold from the ground. If you just add two or three or four more layers of super-heavy ultra uber sleeping bags inside each other, eventually that one additional layer will be just enough so that you no longer feel cold. Brute force.

I’ve decided that the biggest reason why houses need heat is because they have indoor plumbing. If only you didn’t have indoor plumbing in the house, you could just choose to turn the heat completely off if you wanted to. Nobody ever does this, because the pipes will freeze and break, and if that happens, it is a HUGE disaster. A big pipe leak will ruin the house and ruin everything that it sprays on. If a house was designed to keep the water in only one small location at one edge of the house only, just one small bathroom, or a small outhouse, or a well, or whatever, then you could live without heat.

I am feeling much better today than I felt yesterday. The bowl of soup was very helpful. I know when I am not eating well, and I know how much better I feel when I eat well. However, I also feel good because I’m reacting to the drug residues on my wet feet. That is why I must do a soil decontamination. I am waiting, and waiting, and in a few weeks, I will have a different work schedule. I will have to hurry, because all of my money will vanish in an instant as I spend it on food every day. I need the money to buy the things for the decon. I am not trying to make a food transition right now, because I can only focus on one project at a time, and the soil decon is the project. I really, really, really want to get healthy food, and that requires a project, regardless of how exactly I do it.

I guess I will post this. Anyway, my life will be easier every day because of a good thing that I have no control over, or the end of a bad thing that I had no control over, however you look at it – the closing of the road during the bridge construction.

I knew it was done a few days ago, sometime last week. I rode my bike up and was about to go up Sandpiper Drive, when I saw a whole group of construction workers standing around together doing nothing. There seemed to be an air of solemnity and finality, like they were saying goodbye to the project that they had been working on all these months, and a feeling of pride and congratulations and satisfaction at a job well done. I couldn’t hear what they were saying, I just got this impression from how they were standing around, combined with my knowledge that the bridge was scheduled to be finished sometime in November. I knew this was it. It was done.

My dreadlocks are getting shorter, not longer; and, ranting about my intentional religion and its issues

November 13, 2012

8:46 PM 11/12/2012

I’m not in a place where I can take pictures right now, and my camera hasn’t been working properly – it has problems with the focus, and it seems like the only focus that actually works is on the ‘macro’ setting, and focus would be required for this, because you have to see the detailed textures.

I started my dreadlocks in January 2009. It is almost January 2013, so it will have been four years ago. My dreadlocks aren’t growing! I want my money back!

I was testing to find out whether dreadlocks would help my hair grow longer than its terminal length, which, for me, is right below my hips, maybe mid-thigh length, just barely, the thinnest tips of the hair. I am an infinite hair lover. There is no limit to the length of the hair that I love. If you can grow it to twenty feet long, I’m happy with that. I would have done that if my body were physically able to produce hair that long, but it can’t. My DNA, and whatever other factors, have caused my hair to stop growing, fall out, and start the cycle again, growing a new hair from the root, after my longest hairs reach about mid-thigh length. They will never reach floor length no matter how patiently I wait. I grew it to its terminal length and then watched it for a long time, and it didn’t grow any longer.

This was one reason why I decided to try growing natural dreadlocks. Dreadlocks allow your hair to grow to an infinite length, but not in the same way as loose hair grows. The individual hairs will still grow for a certain number of years, then stop growing and fall out and start over. However, when these hairs are tangled into a lock, they cannot fall off, and the entire lock will remain connected to your head. It will continue to grow longer as the roots of your hair are growing. The disconnected hairs will all still be in there. So, according to this theory, the lock can grow to an infinite length.

But several things will make dreadlock growth seem slower than loose hair growth. Locked hairs are growing in loops, growing sideways, growing upwards, growing around in a spiral, inside and outside the lock. They travel a longer distance in random directions when they are growing. They are not just growing straight downwards like loose hair does. The hair folds over and over and over into a wadded up mat. So all of that growth doesn’t make the lock grow any longer. It adds to the thickness of the lock.

This is analogous to the growth of afro hair. Afro hair is growing in spirals and tiny curls in all directions, so it’s hard to tell that it’s gotten much longer. It seems to take a long time to lengthen. But if you pull on a piece of hair and stretch it out, you will see that it has gotten long. It’s growing sideways in a spiral, or a Z shape, or whatever, depending on what texture you have. I found a web page somewhere that had photographs of all the different textures of afro hair, and there’s a name for each texture. I forget what they’re called, and I’d have to look it up again, but they have letters of the alphabet, like ‘Type C hair’ or something like that. Okay, I looked it up. Afro hair types fit into the category of Type 4a, 4b, and 4c hair.

Anyway, I’ve had my locks growing for almost four years now, and they don’t seem to be any longer. The locks have changed over time. They are less and less loopy. In the beginning, loops were sticking out the sides of the locks, which is normal when you are letting your locks form naturally. If you have straight hair and you let your locks form by themselves, they will look messy and loopy in the beginning. Those loops are another cause of the shortening effect of dreadlocks. When you get locks, your hair will loop up so much and get wadded up into the locks, so that it is no longer stretched out straight, as I described above, and so your locks will be shorter than your original hair was. When my mom saw me after not seeing me for a year, after I had grown my locks, she said, ‘Did you cut your hair?’ I had to try to explain to her that no, I didn’t cut it, it was just wadded up into the locks.

Another thing changed my locks drastically, not too long ago. I have been battling the contamination from the drug residues that I got on myself and my belongings years ago. I got some of these drug residues into my hair, and I wasn’t using shampoo. Quitting shampoo was my method of forming dreadlocks effortlessly – I didn’t even have to do anything at all to them, absolutely nothing, and they formed totally by themselves. If you quit shampoo completely, forever, and don’t use it at all, not just ‘rarely,’ but ‘NEVER,’ then the grease in your hair will start to stick together like chewing gum, causing your hair to form strings, and later, matted locks, as it grows over time. This is what I was doing; however, because of my sensitivity to the drug residues, and because I got cigarette smoke in my hair, I had to wash it out. I was having reactions to my hair every time it got wet, because the smoke and the drug residues were still in it. Very reluctantly, I used shampoo, and the reactions stopped happening.

But using shampoo totally ruined my locks. It made them tangle together extremely at the roots, so that they started to ‘congo,’ to stick together into bigger and bigger locks. They were doing that before, but slowly, not much. But when I used shampoo, my locks all stuck together so that now they are matted into huge locks that cover my head so thickly that I can barely even scratch an itch through it. I used to be able to scratch an itch on my scalp. Now that I’ve used shampoo, now that all the locks have tangled together, I can hardly even touch my scalp with a fingernail.

In the future, then, I am going to have the dreaded (literally, as in, dread the emotion) ‘mono-lock.’ All of my hair is going to be stuck together into one big lock. Or it might be stuck together in three or four very large locks. I don’t know.

I will still have to use shampoo a few more times, because I am still working on decontaminating from the drug residues. But after I’m clean, I want to stop using shampoo again. However, unfortunately, I will still have occasional exposures to other people’s cigarette smoke and miscellaneous residues, so I should wash it with shampoo once in a while at least in order to prevent myself from having reactions.

I just looked at my hair in the mirror. Before locking, my longest hair tips reached to mid-thigh, as I said. Now, my longest tips in the back of my hair reach down to mid-back, as in, elbow length! My hair has shortened all the way from mid-thigh length to elbow length. And most of my hair is even shorter than elbow length. That’s just the longest piece. Maybe it’s just a little bit longer than I described – I’m wearing a hoodie, so the hair is hanging over the hood, which makes it hang higher up a tiny bit.

I just thought that after FOUR YEARS, my locks would have started to get noticeably longer. They are changing. They are getting more and more ‘mature,’ less loopy, and more like real locks. But they’re not longer. They are continuing to get shorter and shorter, and they especially shortened a lot recently when I used the shampoo again.

I’ve always said that if I changed my mind about dreadlocks, I would painstakingly comb them out. This is still true. I’m not going to cut them off. That hair took years and years to grow. I want to keep it. Thigh length hair is better than no hair at all.

I’m not going to comb them out right now. I’m going to leave them in, and continue to observe their progress over time. I don’t think a mono-lock is inevitable. I think that if I stop shampooing again, my hair will form new, separate, small locks, which will gradually take over in the places that have the mono-locks. You only need enough hair in the lock to act as an ‘attractant’ for the new loose hairs growing out of the scalp. The new loose hairs, the ‘halo of fuzz’ around your head, which a lot of people complain about, the people who have the misconception that locks have to be ‘perfect,’ those fuzzy little new hairs have to be attracted to existing locks, and must wrap around them and tangle with each other.

The way that they do this will depend on several factors. If you are taking showers, then the hair will flow downwards while it’s tangling together. If you wash your hair underwater in a bathtub, the hair will float around in all directions while tangling. If you are bathing in a creek, as I do sometimes during the summer, then you are turning your head upside-down, which causes all of the hair to fall in a different direction, upwards, while it’s tangling in the water. If you wash your hair in a sink, that is yet another slightly different tangling pattern. If you use shampoo, or don’t use shampoo, that changes the tangling pattern and direction too.

If you don’t wet your hair at all, that too will cause the hair to lock in a different pattern. Only the rain would wet your hair, or it would wet when you went swimming. There is no real need to ever wet the hair on purpose anyway. I could let it get wet as a side effect of bathing, but not actually turn it upside down to scrub it in the water. Still, it feels good to scrub your scalp.

If I were living in the Arctic, I would probably avoid ever wetting my hair at all. I’ve been avoiding wetting it now, because it’s cold. I wet it in the summer and I’m okay. But as soon as it started getting cold, I became more and more reluctant to wet it. The locked hair stays wet all day long if I wash it. And when it’s wet, I get cold.

Anyway, the decision is that I will continue letting my locks grow as they are, and I will continue to not worry about it. I’m not battling to prevent congoes. I’m not ripping them apart when they stick together. I’m just letting them do what they will, and I’m aware that I’m affecting them with the way that I wash my hair. I look forward to being clean again so that I can go a longer time without shampoo. And in the future if I ever change my mind and decide to go back to loose hair, I will patiently comb out my locks.

I’ve tried combing out one of my locks before. I have this big one on the right side over my right ear. It had a big bulging wadded knot in it, which has gradually gotten covered up by new hair and is less noticeable and farther down than it was in the past. The big knot grew down farther, but only a little bit farther. I was trying to undo the lock so I could untangle that wadded knot and then let it lock again into smaller locks. I tried very gently combing each little tiny piece of hair, starting as low down as possible on the hairs. That’s how you comb out a tangle. You don’t start with the comb at the root of the hair. You start at the end of the hair. You don’t comb backwards or upwards. I remember my mom taught me this, to start at the end and work your way up, and I misunderstood her at first, and I said, ‘You mean like this?’ and I held the end of the hair with one hand, and combed it backwards with the other hand (teasing or backcombing). She had to explain that’s not what she meant. You still comb downwards, but you start from a point low down at the end of the hair, and then when you’ve combed all that out, you go up a tiny bit higher, to the next higher tangle. And that was how I started combing out the big knotted lock on the right side.

I used a whole bunch of conditioner on the hair while I was doing this. It took hours and hours, and I only made a tiny bit of progress. I was being very careful not to break or damage the hairs. It was extremely hard, and I had to do it at a painful angle, not really being able to see what I was doing, since it was close to my head. But I didn’t use shampoo, I only used conditioner, if I recall. I’m not sure now. I think I didn’t wash it with shampoo. I suspect that if I used shampoo, it would remove the sticky ‘chewing gum’ grease that stuck the hair together in the first place, and I would have been able to untangle the lock better. I should test it again one of these days.

I left the conditioner on the hair while I was combing it for hours and hours. If I recall, I was sitting in a bathtub while I did this. It was while I still lived in an apartment. I sat in the bathtub with conditioner dripping into the water while I sat in it. The conditioner got all over my body. I used Finesse conditioner, because for some reason, that kind was always my favorite – it didn’t put waxy buildup in my hair like other conditioners did. It was a ‘light’ conditioner somehow. And it was the ONLY BRAND that felt that way, but Wal-Mart stopped carrying it. So I had to go other places to get it, because it was that special – I could only tolerate using that kind, and would inevitably become very annoyed, angry, and disgusted if I used any other brand of conditioner – they ALWAYS left some kind of wax all over my hair, which caused it to stick together and tangle when I combed it. I would use it one or two times and then throw the whole bottle in the garbage and go out and buy Finesse again.

But during this lock-combing incident, I discovered just how toxic and poisonous these shampoos and conditioners are. I had it all over me and it went through my skin. It contains sulfur compounds, such as sodium lauryl sulfate, or something – I don’t know which specific one is in Finesse, but it has something. They are all similar. Those chemicals are toxic.

You don’t immediately drop dead from them, which is why most people believe they are safe. However, they do cause side effects, especially in Feingold people who cannot process chemicals as well as other people can. People who have difficulties metabolizing sulfur will have reactions to shampoo and conditioner as it goes directly through their skin.

I wasn’t aware of this in the past. I didn’t know how bad it was until I stopped using shampoo and conditioner and then used them again. Every time I use them, I have difficulty breathing (hypopnea) for hours. My breathing slows down, and I feel like I can’t get my breath. When I go to sleep afterwards, I stop breathing – I have central sleep apnea which is triggered by exposure to sulfate and other sulfur compounds. Since my locks stay wet for a very long time, they continue to dissolve the shampoo or conditioner into my skin for hours, all day long. When the hair dries, it doesn’t dissolve as much of the chemical through your skin. So, people with loose hair will suffer less from this problem, because their hair dries faster. If you put your hair into a ponytail while it’s wet, it will stay wet all day long inside the ponytail and will still be wet when you take it out later that day. If any wet part is touching against your scalp or any other part of your skin, then it will release the sulfur and other chemicals into your skin from the shampoo and conditioner, for hours, until it dries. If you are chemical sensitive, then your breathing will be too slow, and you will feel fatigued, and you will have other symptoms that chemical sensitive people experience from exposure to sulfur compounds. These are listed on the Feingold Diet website somewhere, but I probably won’t look for it right now.

On the internet, it’s called ‘No Poo’ (No shampoo), and ‘poo’ means poop, the crap that we put in our hair – it’s meant to be derogatory. There are various forums where people talk about ‘no poo’ and how they are cleaning their hair without using toxic commercial shampoos and conditioners. I haven’t tried any of their methods. I just have been using plain water. But if you don’t wash your hair with anything at all, it will form dreadlocks, just as mine has done. So people wash their hair with other chemicals such as baking soda, if I recall correctly (I haven’t read about it in a long time). Unfortunately, baking soda is something that I myself had a reaction to whenever I was a child and I was being tested for food sensitivities. Baking soda is, unfortunately, yet another toxic chemical, and I think it even contains sulfate. I’m not sure, though. – Okay, I looked it up. Baking POWDER, not baking SODA. Baking POWDER contains some sulfate chemicals, such as sodium aluminum sulfate. Baking soda does not. Pure baking soda is sodium bicarbonate. (I’m still suspicious – it’s probably not really good for you, but yet, it’s not as bad as sulfate.) I looked it up now. Baking soda and vinegar are what they use.

Wikipedia says that the skin stops producing sebum after five to seven days without bathing. This comes from a book called ‘Packing for Mars.’ That’s what I’m noticing too. I am not producing a lot of grease in my hair. I still wash my face every time I go to work. I’m not really worried about it, but I could test what happens if I don’t wash my face. I don’t wash it with soap, just water. I wonder how my hair would lock if I started all over again. It might not even lock. If I’m not producing a lot of grease, there will be nothing to lock the hair together. Maybe I will test that someday.

I’m thinking of the Anaya and their lifestyle. (Anaya = my ‘intentional religion,’ analogous to an intentional community.) Some Anaya have loose hair and some have locked hair. There are two standards permitted. I want to find out what happens when a baby is born and you never wash or brush its hair for its entire life. It would only get wet from the rain and from swimming, hopefully in non-chlorinated water, since chlorine really damages hair. (I’ve gotten sick from swimming in non-chlorinated water, in lakes at dams, so I understand that chlorine is in pools for a reason.) You could only do this if you lived in a place where you were not exposed to chemical contamination from the world around you, such as smoke, factory pollution, drug residues on surfaces touched by other people, etc. You would have to live in a natural environment. You would also have to avoid touching poisonous plants, because medicinal plant residues are just as bad as any manmade chemical – I found that out myself – my own drug residues come from St. John’s Wort, Ephedra, Tobacco, and other ‘natural herbs.’

When I get frustrated with modern society, I fantasize that the Anaya will adopt people who want to be healed from modern life, and they will join us and be transformed. I fantasize about helping fat people lose weight, helping sick people get better, helping people who are unhappy and chronically ill – I fantasize about helping people who are like myself, struggling to live in a world that isn’t good for them. I imagine we’d remove all their dental fillings and then provide them with food every day so that they wouldn’t need dental fillings anymore and wouldn’t feel any pain in the holes left over from their cavities.

(I myself have cavities, but they never hurt unless I’ve been drinking lots of coffee and Coke for several weeks… like, right now… and even then, they don’t hurt very badly. So I know that I will be okay after I remove my two dental fillings and leave the holes empty – it won’t hurt. Teeth heal themselves just like any other wound on the body – it heals, but not perfectly – it will ‘scar.’ It covers itself up with a material that isn’t exactly the same as the original material, just like scar tissue. It covers itself up with just enough bone to protect the living tooth root from being exposed to the outside world, but it isn’t able to regrow a new tooth, so the old cavity holes will never refill. The tooth will be mechanically weaker than a tooth without holes in it, so you have to be careful not to break your teeth on hard objects.)

I’d love to remove other things implanted in people’s bodies. I’d remove their implanted pacemakers and defibrillators. I’d remove their steel plates from old broken bones. (I have no idea what on earth I’d do after that, though – I couldn’t leave them with nothing in there.) Any implanted objects at all, no matter what, no matter where, cause people to experience chronic, lifelong health problems because of the chemicals being constantly released from the implants, and I don’t care what substance it’s made of, and I don’t care how many peer-reviewed studies insist that this substance is safe – IT’S NEVER SAFE to have manmade chemical objects implanted inside your body, anywhere, in the teeth, in your broken bones, in your chest, in your breast implants, in your tattoos, ANYWHERE.

The Anaya would be constantly adopting people. These people would be the First Generation (or whatever we decide to call it), or the Outside World Generation or something, something that indicates that they weren’t born Anaya. First Generation sounds as though they were born Anaya. I would need something that suggests having been born in the outside world and then adopted, like the Adopted Generation or something. I don’t know. It doesn’t matter – I can decide this later. Adopted Anaya will have all their permanent injuries from the outside world, all their circumcisions and the cavity holes from the drill-and-fill dental work, all their implanted objects that can’t be removed. They will have been fed soy infant formula which caused them to become severely obese and have lifelong thyroid disorders. They will have all the injuries that modern American society inflicts upon people.

But they will be healed in whatever ways that they can be. They will grow their hair and become beautiful to look at. They will probably lose some weight on the new diet, although I can’t guarantee that they will lose a lot, and they might even gain weight while eating a more nourishing diet. But they will be better nourished, happier, and healthier. We will withdraw them from drugs and decontaminate them. We will remove anything that we can reach, such as dental fillings, which are easier to remove than something like a steel plate in your broken bone. We will give them the social support of a community. We will teach them what we know. And they will have children of their own, who will be born as perfect as they can be, totally different from their parents. Only a small minority of people have ‘genetic diseases’ that they pass on to their children. Most health problems in the world are the result of lifestyle, not genetics.

The Anaya will be a transforming religion. People will enter it and be changed. People will look at us and they will be able to see how different we look from everyone in the outside world. Scientists will do studies that show how the rates of diseases are drastically different in the Anaya than they are in the rest of society – for instance, rates of autism are extremely low (1 person in 150,000) in the Amish community, but something like 1/100 or 1/150 or something in the general population, because the Amish do not vaccinate. (Let me google this…) Oh – there are lots of different numbers. One site says the Amish rate is 1/10,000, which is still extremely low compared to the rest. One site (pro-vaccine) says 1/241 or something.

I am anti-vaccine regardless of what the particular numbers are, and I have other reasons why I am anti-vaccine. The logical argument behind why we do it is wrong. If vaccines actually work, then no harm would be done if one single individual got vaccinated while they were surrounded by millions of sick people. Everyone on earth could get the disease and walk around exposing the vaccinated person to the disease, and nothing would happen to that person, if vaccines actually worked. The vaccinated person would never catch the disease, regardless of whether anybody else on earth was vaccinated. But pro-vaccine people almost always say something like ‘It’s your social duty to get vaccinated. Why should my kid get vaccinated, while YOUR kid runs around being irresponsible and unvaccinated?’ How is it a ‘social duty’ to protect the vaccinated people against a disease that they can’t even catch? The vaccinated people don’t need any protection. They are already protected. No harm is done if everybody on earth is ‘irresponsible’ and not doing their social duty.

This assumes that all the unvaccinated people have chosen to continue being unvaccinated, and that they are able to choose. Assume that ‘socially irresponsible’ people are choosing to take the risk of catching the disease.

Some of the sites said that the Amish people DO sometimes vaccinate. However, their rates are lower than the general population, because they school their own children in Amish schools, not in public schools. The law usually requires children to be vaccinated before entering public schools. Amish children aren’t required by law to be vaccinated before they enter Amish schools, which explains why Amish vaccination rates are lower. But some of them apparently still choose to vaccinate anyway.

There are some issues where I believe that people should not be allowed to do something even with ‘informed consent’ as an adult, for instance, ‘voluntary’ circumcision. I believe it’s not possible for anyone to be informed. You cannot actually experience all the physical sensations that will occur in the future after you’re circumcised, so you are not capable of being informed about the consequences of circumcision. There are many people on anti-circumcision websites talking about how they ‘voluntarily’ got circumcised as adults, and then regretted it, even though they were adults and capable of giving ‘informed consent.’ They didn’t know that it would cause them to lose 90% of the sensation that they used to experience (as some people describe it). This is why Anaya forbids all circumcision at any age for any reason regardless of whether the person is capable of giving informed consent.

The same argument could be made about vaccinations and diseases. Perhaps you shouldn’t be allowed to ‘learn from experience’ the consequences of getting a disease. Assume that vaccines really work (they don’t always, in real life). If they effectively protected you against a disease, then you’d be able to prevent the harmful consequences of getting that disease.

Harmful effects of childhood diseases only happen to a minority of people, not everyone. Most people get over them and live a normal life. A small minority of people get lifelong effects from a disease. It’s different with circumcision. EVERYONE who gets circumcised has lifelong bad effects from it, which differ in severity, but all are bad. It ALWAYS removes a huge amount of sensation, and does other things (written about on the various anticircumcision websites) EVERY TIME, not just a small minority of times.

The only exception to this is something like smallpox. There are a few diseases that are so terrible they will kill almost everyone in the entire population. (Edit, I did some reading, and it said that smallpox might sometimes kill up to 30% of the people who get it, and not ‘almost everyone.’) I *might possibly consider* doing smallpox vaccinations, but not vaccinations for all the trivial, non-life-threatening diseases where only a tiny minority of people are ever harmed by the disease itself, like chicken pox. In the Anaya, we are eating a healthy diet and are living a healthy lifestyle in every way that we can, which means we are all less likely to die from diseases that we do actually get.

People can die or have severe reactions to the smallpox vaccine, by the way – I just thought I should mention that – and I wouldn’t be happy about getting the smallpox vaccine. But guess what? How were vaccines discovered in the first place? People observed that people were immune to smallpox if they had already gotten cowpox. Why don’t we give people cowpox, and, that’s all? No need for a smallpox vaccine! Note, these people who were immune to smallpox were FARMERS (haha, first I wrote ‘FAMERS,’ and when I tried to fix the typo, I wrote ‘FRAMERS,’ and the typos are even funnier and more noticeable because they are in all caps – it’s a big loud typo, not just a quiet small typo, and even more embarrassing) who were MILKING COWS, and drinking raw milk and eating healthier foods that they grew on the farm, not junk food that people eat in the cities – and they were allegedly getting cowpox from being around cows, and this was the alleged reason why they were immune to smallpox – but what if their lifestyle in general made them healthier and immune? I’d have to read the history of smallpox again to find out all the details of how the vaccine was discovered. Okay, good, I’m not talking BS, I’m right: They say that Edward Jenner observed that milkmaids who had caught the cowpox virus did not catch smallpox!!! Well, duh! Why do we even need a smallpox vaccine at all then? Just infect people with harmless cowpox! – Oh, I continued reading, and it says that actually, the vaccine is indeed made from cowpox, not smallpox. Oops.

I’m sort of tired of writing this, maybe because I just ate something and I’m no longer as hungry as I was, and hunger causes me to rant.

I will just go ahead and post this and probably write another blog again tonight, since I still am in ranting mode, just not as intensely as I was before I ate. The soup that I had for dinner was very good – it filled me up for many hours. Usually I feel extremely hungry only a short time after eating when I eat particular foods – everyone knows about the Chinese food phenomenon. I prefer to feel full for a long time and not need to keep eating again and again. That is how I want to design my Anaya diet – it makes you feel satisfied and it prevents food cravings. You eat a meal and feel satisfied for hours afterwards, instead of feeling starving and hungry all the time. This will require a lot of experimentation and troubleshooting.

Okay, time to post.

Opera browser search function stops working with latest update (12.10)

November 12, 2012

The little ‘search with google’ box in the upper right corner does absolutely nothing now. 😦 And now I have to take the time and effort of fixing this somehow, because I use that little search box constantly. That makes my entire browser completely useless.

Edit: Restarted computer. Search function works now. Grr. Oh well.

Yes, McDonald’s Hot ‘n’ Spicy McChicken DID make you sick

November 12, 2012

And I’m not sure why. I only know that it made me sick, and ever since I wrote that blog about it, which, by the way, I’m having a hard time finding a link to, because now that I updated my browser, the ‘search’ function NO LONGER WORKS! so that I can’t just type in a google search up in the little box in the upper right corner – it just sits there doing nothing! Anyway, I was going to put a link to my other post where I described how the spicy McChicken made me sick, but oh well. If you want to look for it, it’s not too far down below this post. Anyway, as I was saying, before I went off on a tangent, ever since I wrote that blog post about it, people have been googling ‘Hot n spicy mcchicken made me sick/puke/whatever’ and finding my blog. So it’s not happening to just me, it’s happening to lots of people. The quality of this chicken is terrible, and I’m wondering if maybe it sat around in a freezer for months and months before we used it, or what – I don’t know. It’s awful. Meanwhile, I need to un-update my browser so that it works again.

Yay! Updating my browser makes it run slower! Awesome!!!; aside from that, a big complaint about closed-minded people

November 12, 2012

7:42 PM 11/12/2012

I downloaded the latest version of Opera. Now, when I click on one of my speed dial pages, it sits there pausing for several seconds before it can figure out where it’s going. I updated it in a vain attempt to fight back against the hackers, but I can’t fight back fast enough. They were messing with my blog stats page after I spent hours and hours updating my computer. Every time I would go to the blog stats page, I would get a ‘this security certificate has the wrong name’ error (and I can’t remember the exact words), suggesting that my blog stats are being hacked. They want to trick me into believing a particular person is reading my web page when he is not, so they are giving me fake stats.

I made myself feel somewhat better today. I went to Cozy Thai restaurant, down the street from the library. I didn’t get the one thing that was like a big bowl full of nothing but green beans, not this time. I got something called (oh no, I forget), well, some kind of soup. It had several different kinds of seafood in it, and it was very spicy. It had shrimp, mussels, and I think cod. It had these little things that looked, felt, and tasted like a little chip of fragrant pine wood. I think those might have been galangal or whatever. One piece was so hot that it burned my mouth for several minutes and I had to pause before I could eat any more. But the soup was very good. I got ‘Thai Tea’ flavored ice cream with sweet sticky rice, and both were very good.

I’m starting my period in the next couple days and I’m in a much worse mood than usual. I’m drinking a coffee that’s caffeinated now, to ‘drown my sorrows.’

I tried commenting on someone’s blog, and I wrote comments that were not weird, they were normal, but he deleted them. This is the person who is not reading my blog and who is also not reading the emails that I send him. I sent him emails as an outlet so that I could feel like I was communicating with him somehow. But then ‘they’ forced him to say and do things that made it seem like he was reading my emails, things that seemed to be specifically referring to things I had written, when actually, it was a trick, puppeteering – they must have done something to show him particular web pages, particular words and phrases, particular ideas, in such a way that it would look like he was referring to something I said, when actually he was clueless. He would have read about those things someplace else, not in the emails I sent him.

He’s not reading anything. If he would just let me comment on his blog and act like everything was normal, then it would *BE* normal, but no, he has to continue making a big deal out of it. I put two harmless comments and he deleted them. If he were reading anything I’ve written at all, then he would know that I’m no longer having severe manic attacks and no longer acting anywhere near as crazy as I was before, and if he would just talk to me like a normal person and leave my comments alone, then I would respond like a normal person and I would not go crazy or do anything weird. Nothing would happen at all, and life would go on, but he’s assuming that something absolutely terrible would happen. He has no idea what’s going on in my life, which means he’s not reading anything at all that I’ve written, not in my blog and not in my emails. If he had read anything at all, he would know that I am much more stable than I was before, and he would know that I’m not going to go crazy and do the same things that I did before. The hackers are messing with my stats to trick me into thinking that he reads my blog.

All he has to do is treat me like a normal person, and I will act like one. He wouldn’t just delete normal random comments for no reason, but he deleted mine. Does he WANT me to actually make a fake user profile for the sole purpose of commenting there? I’m not doing that, and I haven’t done that, because I want him to know who I am when I talk to him. I’m not pretending to be someone else. I want to go there as a recognizable name so that he is able to choose what to do about it, and I can see what his choices are. His choice is to continue being an asshole for no reason, when I mean him no harm. This is one of those IEE patterns that I have known about for years. They get this idea that someone is EVIL INCARNATE, and they slam the door in your face for the rest of eternity, no matter what you do, no matter if you mean them no harm, no matter if what you did was an accident, no matter if you’ve changed and you’re no longer doing whatever it was that they’re calling you evil for – nothing will ever change. They have this idea permanently locked into their head that you are an evil person and you must be shunned for eternity to hell.

So, he can feel free to not bother reading my blog. I might as well start complaining about him every day again, like I used to. I stopped complaining about him constantly because I was venting all of it in the emails that I sent to him, which he isn’t really reading, because if he were reading them he would know that I have calmed down greatly and am no longer having any severe manic attacks, just very mild symptoms that are nowhere near as bad as they were in the past. He would know that I can be trusted to write comments on his blog without causing any problems. But obviously, he knows nothing.

Like I said, all he has to do is talk to me like I’m a normal person, and I will act like one. It’s that easy. I am not going to go crazy for no reason anymore. In the past, yes, I did, I was going crazy for no reason, and it had nothing to do with him or with anything he was doing – it was caused by factors that were happening only to me, which he had no control over. I was going crazy for no reason in the past, but I am no longer anywhere near as crazy as I was back then, because I have done most of the things that I needed to do to remove the cause of the craziness (regardless of whether or not anybody believes my explanation).

So, if he’s too stupid and closed-minded to accept that I have indeed greatly improved and have become less manic and less impulsive, then let him go ahead and not bother to read anything that I’ve written to him or in my blog, and I’ll go ahead and complain about him as much as I want, since he’s not even reading it anyway, and it makes no difference. I was trying to be nice, for a while, and writing him emails instead of talking about him in my blog, but he’s too stupid to understand anything at all, so there’s no reason to even try to be nice. There’s no reason to stop complaining about him in my blog. It makes no difference what I say. He doesn’t even notice that I’ve stopped complaining (until now), so why bother doing something if he doesn’t even appreciate it? Hey – her behavior changed for a while! Isn’t that interesting? There must be a reason why! She’s not complaining about him every single day anymore! I wonder what happened? Well, I might as well complain as much as I want, until I get bored, I guess.