Archive for February, 2011

connection between body and soul

February 27, 2011

2:48 PM 2/27/11

‘They’ have been asking me about my religion. I did not have an official religion at first, but instead it resulted from being questioned by ‘them’ about what kind of religion I would want, what kind of intentional community I would want to create. The intentional community is meant to last a very, very long time, like hundreds, or thousands, of years, and so it must be designed as a stable belief system with enough abstraction that it can respond to future changes. It must have some principles that are abstract enough that they will be universally applicable even in different situations.

One example of something they were asking me about recently is, How important is it to follow the ‘quitting Christmas’ requirement of this religion? Is that a what’s-the-word, a deal breaker? (I forgot the word. It means: something you absolutely won’t be flexible about. I was reading Diana Leafe Christian again recently. Non-negotiable.)

Well, they were asking why I required ‘quitting Christmas’ in my religion. And we looked forward into the future, when we might need to quit some other new holiday that somebody might create in the future, because things do change over time. We would need a more abstract, general rule to follow, not just something as specific as ‘quit Christmas.’ I didn’t want to make a rule that would become too huge and restrictive and out of control, you know, quitting all holidays, being opposed to everything that could ever be fun, forbidding people to get together and have some kind of recurring ritual on a particular date every year – I am not opposed to all holidays and all rituals as such. Christmas is the one that offends me, and this is because I read a particular book about it (The Trouble With Christmas) and because I myself had negative feelings about it for a long time.

The idea was that in the future, what if Halloween got out of control? (This is just an example.) What if Halloween became like Christmas? You would be expected to buy expensive treats and presents not just for your own family, but for all the kids on the entire block, who would come knocking on your door. And if you failed to do this, you would be ‘tricked’ in some way, and socially stigmatized as a failure (the same way you are stigmatized as a failure if you can’t afford to buy tons of expensive Christmas presents). Through the entire month of October, you would be forced to hear Halloween music playing on the overhead Muzak at every store where you went shopping and on every radio station.

So what general rules or principles lead to quitting Christmas? And how could that rule be defined so that we would, for instance, quit Halloween in the future too, but only if Halloween became a huge and obnoxious all-encompassing monster like Christmas? And how could we do this without being extreme in a bad way and forbidding everyone everywhere to ever have fun or enjoy any holidays at all together?

One of the ideas behind quitting Christmas was that we want to distinguish ourselves as a non-Christian religion. That’s not the only idea behind it, it’s just one of several ideas.

So, the other thing they were asking me about is: How important is it to include the rule that all members of the order must acknowledge the existence of electronic mind control? This is similar to joining a church: it’s hard to join a church if you don’t believe, at least slightly, that your soul is being saved by going to church, and that otherwise, something terrible will happen to you – you will go to hell. You can enjoy the community, the company of the people at church, but if you don’t at least slightly agree about this particular ‘irrational belief,’ this belief that your soul lives on after your death and that it must be saved from going to hell, then you won’t really feel the *need* to go to church, even if you somewhat enjoy being with the people.

So I have a similar belief. It is like an irrational belief. It is something specific, something strange, something esoteric and technical. It is something that not everybody believes. Not everyone agrees about it. Not everyone has observed or experienced this. To become an official member of the order you are required to accept the belief that electronic mind control and mind reading is real. That is very similar to joining a church and stating that Jesus Christ is your savior, that he died for your sins, and because of him, you can go to heaven if only you accept Christ. It is an irrational belief, and some people simply cannot say it. I can’t say that (about Jesus) while also telling the truth. It is very uncomfortable. I am strongly an atheist, and I can’t say that Jesus Christ died for my sins and I’m going to heaven because of him. There will be people who, like me about Jesus, ‘can’t say it.’ People who can’t say that electronic mind control is real. For whatever reason, they absolutely can’t imagine, even after having someone explain it to them, that it could ever, possibly, be real or important, in any universe, that it could ever matter to them, matter for the future, that it could ever be anything but a crazy person’s delusional belief. This belief is very much analogous to stating that Jesus Christ has saved your soul from going to hell. ‘Mind control’ is an ‘irrational belief’ that I arrived at through sensory observation, using my senses, having physical experiences of attack, reading articles about electronic weapons. It is an irrational belief. So if I ask other people to believe that along with me, that is a non-negotiable requirement of joining the order.

(I feel a clench of anxiety in my stomach when I say ‘the order.’ The Order does not yet exist. It is only an idea, only a plan. It is something that I have created reluctantly and unwillingly as a result of being attacked and as a result of having discussions with ‘them.’ However, if this religious order already existed on earth, and if they opened their doors and invited me to join them, I would strongly consider it. I just haven’t ever seen anyone who already had all of the particular rules and beliefs that I like, so I have to create the intentional community myself. There might be similar communities out there, and if there are, then I might befriend them, but I haven’t found them. The Order does not exist. It is an imaginary intentional community that I am making because I cannot find an existing community that meets my needs.)

About electronic mind control, where does this concept go in the future? What is the general rule behind it, the assumption, the principle, the belief?

This is based on a belief that your soul, your mind, is strongly connected to your body. Your soul is not ‘someplace else.’ It is not floating in some other universe where souls exist away from the body. (This all applies to the idea of ‘mind’ as well.) It is not an abstraction. It is part of your physical body and it has a finite life. Your soul dies with your body after a few decades (around a century if you are lucky).

An abstraction lives on after your death, but it isn’t YOU. In the abstract, you can see other people in the world who are just like you, except they are born in different places under different names, after your death. It’s like you were reincarnated, except you don’t remember anything about the specific person who died. Those are people who have the same personality type you had. Their ‘style’ is the same. They ‘feel like you.’ If one of your friends or family met that person, they would recognize that person as being very similar to you, in the same spirit, as though you had been brought back to life. In that abstract way, your spirit lives on after your death.

You also live on after your death through the impact that you have on the world. Whatever consequences, whatever effects, resulted from your life, will forever affect the future of the world.

But aside from those things, we assume you die at the end of your life, and everything dies, all of you, including your soul. This is an atheist belief.

Because of this, we say it matters greatly what happens to you in your life. It is a tragic shame if someone suffers misery their entire life and never experiences fulfillment. So our goal is to do the best we can to make future lives better (in addition to our present lives), so that fewer people will have miserable and unfulfilling lives. We must take specific actions to bring this about. This is an atheist morality, a belief that it’s good to do something.

Electronic mind control is part of the belief that our soul is inside our physical body. If our mind and soul are something that results from our physical body, then it seems believable that physical, mechanical things could influence our mind and soul, in good ways and bad ways. Our body’s physical health directly affects our spiritual health, because if you are sick and in pain all the time, you can’t be a very pleasant person, your mind doesn’t function well, you can’t achieve goals, and so on. Most people can accept the idea that our physical health influences our spiritual health if you explain it like that. If you explain that physical sickness affects the body so badly that it ruins your functioning, ruins your social life, ruins your relationships, makes you less able to think clearly and achieve goals, most people will agree with you at least somewhat.

Make the leap to electronic mind control. There are devices that are able to affect the physical body with radiation, radio waves, sound waves, electromagnetic fields. You don’t have to believe in, or know about, which specific devices do what, and you don’t have to know about or believe that these devices already exist and that unknown people are already using them on innocent victims (which is what I experience). You don’t have to accept those things. Just the first one, that some devices exist which are able to affect the physical body by using radio frequencies, and so on. If you accept that this is true, then it can lead you to see that if that happens, then it can affect your behavior, your mood, your thoughts and feelings, your social life, your functioning, your job, your love relationships, and so on. Anything that affects the physical body affects the mind and spirit and social life and everything. If you can accept that devices exist which can do such things, and that maybe, possibly, some people might USE them to attack other people, then you see that it’s important that they be included in a religion where part of your goal is to know your true self, to be yourself, and to improve the quality of your life and your relationships.

This wouldn’t be important – it wouldn’t be more important than any other specific health problem or crime, like, for instance, kidnapping. Kidnapping is a crime, and it matters, and it ruins lives, and if I wanted to, I could focus on nothing but the evils of kidnapping, and what we must do to rid the world of kidnapping and end the practice of kidnapping. Because I agree, kidnapping people of any age is an evil, life-ruining thing to do. And I could complain that governments all around the world, including the USA, are doing it to people. Putting people in jail is a form of kidnapping. We can argue about which particular ‘crimes’ they are accused of, for instance, ‘victimless crimes.’ I could focus on that and complain about that particular crime. Electronic mind control – is it somehow ‘more important’ than kidnapping? They are both crimes. Why am I focused strongly on that and not on other crimes?

It is important, because it’s happening to ME, and I am the person creating this community. It is important because I believe it’s being done to large numbers of people, secretly – unlike kidnapping, which is highly visible and noticeable when it happens. When kidnapping happens, everyone agrees that it’s a crime and something bad is going on. (I realize that sometimes the police are slow to respond, etc, or someone might blame the victims or blame the family or whatever, but in general, people believe that it’s real.) When electronic mind control happens, people don’t notice it and they don’t know that anything is wrong, unless the attackers make themselves obvious and attack very severely, and they only do that to some people, not everyone.

I believe that this behavior will continue into the distant future, and that it is now permanently a part of our society and it always will be, unless all of the paperwork and all of the computers are burned and destroyed forever and all of the scientists are killed who have any memory of how to make these devices, and any knowledge of all the sciences leading up to them. Since that isn’t going to happen, and since I don’t *WANT* that to happen, then, I must accept that electronic mind control will exist forever into the future. It has been created and it will not go away. So we need an ethical system that acknowledges that it is real and we need a way to respond to it.

I want my community of people to see this along with me. That is the only way we can help each other, if large numbers of people cooperate on building countermeasures to protect us against the attacks, and doing research to understand and reverse engineer how the attacks are done, while not intending to USE the attacks against anybody. There will be rules about how we are allowed to defend ourselves against this, just as there are rules about how you may defend yourself when someone initiates any other kind of attack against you. It is part of a religion, part of an intentional community, that we all agree about a particular belief in something, belief that it exists, that it’s real and important, that it’s OUR PROBLEM (instead of obscure and esoteric and unimportant and ‘somebody else’s problem’). It is part of the religion or community that we agree about what is appropriate, moral, ethical behavior when we need to respond to and defend ourselves against these attacks. I do not want to see a war going on with groups of people shooting each other forever and ever.

This is all part of the set of beliefs that says our soul is part of the body, that our life is short and finite and temporary, and that it matters very much what happens to your body during this lifetime. I also want to de-emphasize ‘dying for a cause’ behavior. I need to think more about this question, because I can imagine that there would be situations where people would want to die for a cause. But I don’t want to encourage that at all in my religion. I want this to be a life protecting religion where everyone feels valued. ‘You’re worth more to me alive.’ I want this to be a pacifist religion, but not the type of pacifism where you can never defend yourself at all against anything. This needs to be clarified, and it hasn’t been yet. I only know that it’s very important to accept the belief in the reality of electronic mind control, and that is a non-negotiable idea in the religion.

This is something that has resulted from having discussions with ‘them.’ I myself wasn’t planning to try to create a religion. I was planning to leave the country and go to a hopefully better part of the world.

Male INFj (EII) type – my socionics activity relationship

February 27, 2011

11:34 AM 2/27/11

6-28-11 Well, yet another person has google searched for ‘male INFJ’ and read this post today.  I’ve decided this is probably my Worst Post Ever, yet one of the most frequently read.  Perhaps I should rewrite an entirely new post from scratch, after having searched for and found and interacted with some real-world examples of INFJ men.  I’m sorry, but this post is just so bad it’s hardly even worth reading.

*****6/21/11 Disclaimer:  I’m editing this post.  It’s one of my most frequently viewed posts, and a lot of people are finding it by google searching for “male INFJ” and things like that.  Unfortunately, when I read this post several months after having written it, I see that a lot of the stuff in it is wrong (or, I’ve changed my mind about it), and that’s a shame because a lot of people are reading this and probably taking it seriously, as though I have authority.  In fact, I would describe this as one of my ‘worst posts ever’ in terms of information qualtity!  I am ashamed of this post, yet hundreds of people are finding it and reading it. So, take this post as being something that I wrote while still learning about socionics, during a time when I was learning new things and changing my beliefs about a lot of things that I had known for a long time.  I’ve known about personality types since the early 1990s, but I’ve only recently been learning a lot more about them, and I no longer believe a lot of things I used to believe.*****

Now that I am paying attention to socionics relations, I am looking for male INFjs, or EIIs (Ethical Intuitive Intratims) and noticing how I feel with them. I have several examples that I suspect are EII. (I am trying to teach myself to use the socionics initials as well as the MBTI initials.)

Author Warren Farrell, who writes about masculism

Steve Godfrey, the ‘reluctant medium’ who I heard on a radio show last night. He was talking about soulmates.  (*Edit:  He might be an IEE.  The IEE (ENFP) type and the EII (INFJ) type have a lot in common, but it’s hard to explain why unless I talk about ‘functions.’*)

Author of The Socionist at (*Edit, nope, it turns out he’s an ENFP, or an IEE in socionics. Some of these other people might actually be ENFps too.*)

It’s possible that Weston Price could have been one of these, too. I’m not sure what he was. Or he could have been an ISTp. Whatever Weston Price was, I feel that I strongly relate to him and connect with him too.  (*Edit, no, not likely to have been an INFJ.  What was I smoking when I wrote this post???*)

A new one:  I just watched ‘Super 8,’ the movie, and I think Joe Lamb is probably an EII, and the writer of the movie might be an EII too.  That movie values introverted sensing, which is something that people in the delta quadra value, and EII is in the delta quadra in socionics.  When I say ‘they value introverted sensing,’ I mean, they pay attention to, and have a lot of sympathy for, someone’s health and comfort.  For instance there are lines in the movie such as ‘He’s terrified and hungry and he wants to go home.’  This is being said by people who value someone’s health and comfort, people who view ‘the enemy’ as being not really an enemy, but just another vulnerable creature that has its own needs, something that you can feel sorry for.  (I hope that doesn’t give too much away, if you’re planning to see that movie sometime.)

It’s easiest to find them when they are authors.  (*Edit, apparently not, since I’m still having trouble thinking of examples of them from books I’ve read!  I seem to recall that somebody somewhere said that Steven King was an INFJ, but I could be remembering wrong.  Now that I think about it, I also recall reading that he was an INFP.*)

I think I interacted several times with a male INFj on the typology central forum, and we had the ‘so much to say that we can’t say it all’ problem, and a sort of exhausted overloaded feeling. That’s the activity relationship. I’m just guessing he was an INFj based on my interactions with him.

My best friend in college, Valencia, might have been an INFj. She sometimes typed as that, and sometimes as an ENFj. We were very good friends, spent a huge amount of time together, and laughed endlessly, so she was probably my activator, and not my blood feud mortal enemy the ENFj. (*Edit… One of my old classmates in school, I have figured out, is probably an ENFJ.  She wasn’t a ‘mortal enemy’ in any way.  She was just somebody who I had a hard time understanding.  If we talked to each other, it was hard for us to think of anything to say.  The conversation didn’t flow easily – it was a strain.  I’m learning more about socionic intertype relations, and it isn’t as straightforward as ‘this person is your enemy.’*)

(I don’t really know if they would actually be my enemy or not. I haven’t interacted with lots of ENFjs, or read things they’ve written, to find out. Ayn Rand’s character was typed as an ESTp on one of the socionics sites that I visited, but she could have been an ISTp. (I looked at this a few more times and I think they might be right – she could be an ESTp. It’s interesting that her books appeal to a lot of ISTps.) (*Note: Some socionists type her as LSI, or ISTJ.*) Everyone else types her as an intuitive. Anyway, the point is that somewhere else, I saw Ellsworth Toohey, the really bad character in Ayn Rand’s book The Fountainhead, typed as an ENFj, so that might suggest Rand was an ISTp and she was aware of who her enemy was (and I could be totally, totally wrong about all of this, too). Also, I saw Draco Malfoy typed somewhere as an ENFj. These are books that appeal to ISTps (note, I shouldn’t even say that – they actually appeal to lots of different people). ‘The Enemy’ in those books is often the ENFj, if they are typed correctly. The Beta Quadrant is the ‘Slytherin’ quadrant from the point of view of a Delta quadrant member, if we see ourselves as Griffindor.)  (*Edit… When I said that ‘almost everything in this post is wrong,’ I meant it!  You can’t connect the four houses of Hogwarts to the four quadras of socionics.  It just doesn’t work.  They don’t match.  Don’t do it.  The end!*)

What happens when I read or hear these people, the INFj (EII) is that I react with a strong desire to ‘tell them something’ or ‘give them an important message.’ I know something important that I think they would want to know about. I feel that I have a thousand things to say and I can’t say them all at once. This should be an ‘activator’ or ‘activity’ relationship, if I have corrected typed them.  (*Edit… This might have turned out to be happening when I was talking to ENFPs, not INFJs.*)

The dual of an EII (INFj) is the LSE (ESTj). This would be a woman who is a boss or manager or CEO of a company, or someone who wants to be that, but feels frustrated by women’s lower status in society, someone who tends to be a feminist and has a hard time finding men who get along with her. But I haven’t yet learned how to distinguish between a type and its lookalike – I can confuse an ESTj with an ENTj. I’d have to interact more with them to learn how to recognize the feel of them.  (*Argh… No, they’re not ‘bossy’ in that way.  Extraverted sensing, or Se, is not the same as Te, extraverted logic.  An ESTJ doesn’t ‘push people around’ in the same way that an ESTP does.  I was totally having a hard time telling the difference between various ST personality types, but I’m getting better at it now.  I think that all of the female coworkers of mine are actually SLE (ESTP), not ESTJ as I originally thought they were!*)

I think I know of two possible ESTj females where I work. Maybe three of them. They tend to boss other people around, but they also get disrespected because they are inferior – they have the ‘I’m bossing you around but you’re not listening to me because I’m a woman’ phenomenon. I get along relatively well with them and I can see their feelings easily. They are my ‘mirror’ relation.  (*It turns out they were ESTPs, and I can understand them because they are similar to myself in a lot of ways, as I am an ISTP.*)

Male INFjs are relatively rare. But then again, everything that I like is relatively rare! (*This is one statement that I still agree with.  I don’t find many intuitives at all, but it’s mostly because I work at McDonald’s, and all the intuitives are working at other jobs that let them use their strengths.  McDonald’s is a very physical environment, and most (not all) of the employees there are sensors.  So I am surrounded by sensors all day long and I rarely see intuitives, but they might be plentiful elsewhere.  So they might be rare for real, or else they might just be located someplace other than where I am.*)

Fat cats marrying food: Obesity is not caused by gluttony.

February 26, 2011

Beware, this is going to be another ‘sexual double meaning’ blog, and from my point of view, it isn’t intended that way. But anything having to do with ‘cats’ usually means ‘pussies,’ so it goes into a sexual double meaning that way. There was a discussion between me and ‘them’ before writing this blog, and ‘they’ are the reason why I decided to write it.

There was a picture on lolcats where a kitten asked the question, can you marry food? It was a series of three images with the kitten opening its mouth like it was laughing.

It’s not just the pictures that bother me. I looked, and some of the pictures were not too bad. I didn’t see the ‘small box’ picture, but that was because I didn’t want to spend much time waiting for all the pictures to load, so I left.

The captions bother me too. The attitudes behind the captions disgust me. The ‘can you marry food’ caption is a good example. I like food so much that I want to MARRY it. I’m stupid and ignorant. My ignorance, naivete, and stupidity are cute. I am inferior. You are big and powerful. Ha ha. Love me!

By the way, why do cats like food so much? Why do cats come running at high speed, very excited, when they hear the can opener or the bag of food pouring into the bowl? Why are they so excited? Is it because they are stupid and cute? Is it because they want to marry food? Is it because stupid cats only understand simple concepts like ‘love food’ and ‘food good?’

No, that’s not why. It is because you are starving them and feeding them extremely poor quality non-nutritious fake food, and not feeding them often enough. You control all the food in the house. Cats are locked indoors and cannot get outside to hunt. If they do hunt, you get mad at them for doing something bad and evil and disgusting. How dare they try to fend for themselves. Cats come running to get food because they are starving.

Remember when you were a teenager and you couldn’t drive a car? You had to eat whatever food was in the fridge and the cupboard. But, as always, your parents didn’t understand. They got lots of food you didn’t like, and you were forced to eat only that, and you didn’t have a choice. There was never enough of the stuff you really wanted. You were growing, so you were very hungry and there was never enough food. Is that ‘cute’ that you have an intense desire for more food because you are growing and your body desperately needs lots of high-quality food?

Meanwhile, somebody decides you’re ‘fat,’ or that you must be prevented from becoming fat. This decision is made by somebody who is ignorant of what really causes people to be fat. (Hint: Fat ISN’T caused by overeating.) So they start restricting free access to food, and you cannot eat enough to EVER satisfy your hunger. When you see or hear food you come running at high speed as though you want to marry food. Ha ha, that’s cute.

I haven’t written about drug residue contamination in a while. This is an obscure technical subject that not many people know about, and probably not many people are interested in, unless they experience chemical sensitivity.

Pharmaceutical drugs and drug residues can cause people to be fat. They are not the ONLY cause, but they are one big important cause. People know you can get fat by taking prescription drugs, but hardly anyone knows that tiny invisible traces of drug residues can also make you fat. These drug residues are hardly even known to exist. I visited my parents in West Virginia and I came home covered with Paxil drug residue because Mom is taking it. I had symptoms for weeks until I started using different clothing that had not been to my parents’ house.

The residues get onto your clothing when you sweat and when your skin excretes oils. The drugs get into your clothing and then they take a very long time to wash out. The residues stay in the washing machine, and they mix with all of the clothing that is washed there. When you put the clothing back on, the drug residues get absorbed back through your skin. This can happen even if somebody else was using the drugs, not you.

Extremely small amounts of these drug residues can cause you to gain weight, and you’re not even deliberately TAKING the drugs. You only need to be AROUND other people who are taking the drugs. If you use their clothes, or use their washer and dryer, if you sit on the seats that they sit on, if you touch the same surfaces they touch, if you walk on the floors that they walk on, you will collect tiny amounts of drug residues from their skin oils and sweat.

I suspect that these drugs also cause pets to become fat.

Animals do not become severely obese in the wild, so the causes of obesity come from their human lifestyle. It is not because humans feed them too much and they don’t have to exercise to hunt for the food. That’s NOT the reason.

There are several causes of obesity in humans. Drugs, vaccines, heavy metals, other poisons – but NOT just a simple desire to eat more than you should. You don’t just randomly have an intense desire to eat huge amounts of food, unless you have a MEDICAL problem. It is not a moral problem. It is not a problem of free will. It is not from having too much luxury and too little work. It is caused by drugs and poisons. It can be a permanent deformity of the fat tissue – just as someone can be born without arms and legs if their mother took Thalidomide, someone can be born with a tendency to grow too much fatty tissue because their mother took some other drug while pregnant. It is a birth defect. It is made worse by bottle-feeding infant formula instead of breast milk. Vaccines might also cause permanent distortions in fat, if the viruses get into the fatty tissue and cause permanent inflammation there, but I don’t know much about the details of how that might work. Again, fat is not caused by merely having an impulse to eat too much for no reason, and for being ‘weak’ enough to obey that impulse.

Animals are taken away from their mothers at an early age, and they might still be nursing. They might have mostly stopped nursing but might still need to nurse once in a while. They are then put on an unnatural diet, vaccinated, and exposed to a large number of chemicals in their environment, such as pesticides and flea sprays.

Poisoning and vaccinating animals, feeding them poor quality food, exposing them to pesticides and drug residues, and other things, are the cause of obesity in animals. It is a form of cruelty – torture caused by ignorance, not by intention – to mess up an animal’s body, make it feel constantly hungry and constantly in need of something it can’t get, and not letting it outside to hunt, and then calling it ‘fat’ and restricting its access to food even more.

So that explains some of the reasons why the cat loves food so much it wants to marry it.

And… I just got a call from work asking me to come in early, and I have to decide what to do… so I should finish this and go do something.

Lolcats are sick. I think is not at all cute, it’s disgusting and cruel. I feel horrified and angry when I look at it.

February 26, 2011

I was glancing through the recently posted blogs in WordPress yesterday and I looked at a blog about cuteness. There was a picture of some kind of baby animal, I guess it was a puppy, and it was lying asleep on what looked like a hardwood floor, with a scarf wrapped around its neck. I’m not sure it was a puppy. The legs were too short, which tells me it was a ‘breed’ dog, maybe one of the unnaturally small toy dogs, and not just a normal puppy. The scarf around its neck looked like it would make the poor thing choke. I don’t like tight scarves wrapped around the necks of human beings any more than I like them wrapped around the necks of baby puppies trying to sleep without dying.

Then the post mentioned something about being cute. I have seen several of the cat pictures from there and I am almost always disgusted and horrified. I recently saw a picture of a cat sticking its head up out of a tiny, narrow box, and it said something like ‘this box not too small, i can fit in it,’ ha ha, that’s cute, except somebody had to pick the cat up and force it into this box – it was something it could not possibly have gotten into on its own, from the look of it. It looked like the back end of the box was closed, not open, so I can’t see how the cat would have crawled into it. Maybe I should look again – maybe the box was open at both ends and the cat really did try to crawl through it on its own. However, the box had now been placed in an upright position instead of lying down, so that the cat was standing up inside the box, possibly helpless to move and get itself out. All of the pictures are in that same spirit.

I had the same reaction to something I saw on the news when I was at Peter’s house a while back. It was a weather report. The guy had thought it was funny to show little pictures of cats rolled up tightly in a little blanket, helpless and immobile, wrapped like a tortilla or burrito, with a little Mexican hat on it if I recall correctly, and they showed this little burrito cat on the weather map for a few seconds as a joke, and the burrito was blowing in the wind on the map. I was horrified. All I could see was a cat that somebody had trapped and forced to be wrapped in a blanket whether it wanted to be there or not, and its legs were helpless and it could not move.

The look on its face was unhappy. You can read a cat’s facial expressions the same way you read a human’s facial expressions. Cats have facial expressions too. This is not a joke, I am serious, cats really do express emotions on their faces and you can read them just like humans. The cat had an expression of miserable endurance, putting up with something it didn’t like at all. Is miserable endurance and helpless entrapment ‘cute?’ It reminds me of Guantanamo torturers again. It is not at all cute and funny. All of the icanhascheezburger pictures look like that to me – torture, not cuteness.

Cats in natural, comfortable positions are cute. When they do something funny of their own free will, it’s cute. When they are wearing a happy facial expression or a puzzled facial expression or some other expression that does not signify pain and misery and terror, they are cute. When they are NOT trapped tightly in unnatural clothing that some human has forced on them, they’re cute.

Now I can compare Martin’s writing style with some other people’s. I still have these old emails.

February 25, 2011

I have two ENFps that I am emailing now after placing an ad that requested ENFps. I don’t know their enneagram types. The one that I thought was a Six is probably a Three. His predominant mood or recurring theme is: laughing at humiliating disasters and things gone horribly wrong; failures; being mortified. This theme has come up several times in his jokes. That is similar to something that I myself do and it’s a Three theme. He has an energetic and bright feeling.

The other ENFp is giving off a sort of dull, moody, depressed, resigned, softer feeling. There is a feeling of grief and distrust and a slowness in opening up. He doesn’t seem dark like a Four. I do still think he’s a Nine, but I could be wrong. He seems to be oriented towards making things safer and comfortable, while also having trouble getting moving on a goal. He writes fewer words per letter. The other one writes a large number of words in a letter, just as I do, so we are writing very long high-density letters back and forth to each other.

So then I had to look on the PersonalityCafe forum – I’m not registered there yet, but I look at it because it has a higher population, more people than the one where I did end up registering, and I didn’t think of that when I chose almost at random which one I would sign up for. I read a post by a male ENFp who was expressing some insecurity about his almost-gayness, while saying he wasn’t gay, but he was a gentle effeminate kind of guy and had all the feminine traits instead of the typical masculine ones, and while I was reading this, I was extremely excited and saying ‘will you marry me?’ I wasn’t registered there, but I had all these answers that I wanted to say, and none of the people replying to his message did a good enough job of it, and I knew I could answer everything and add a lot to it. But alas, it was posted a long time ago, not recently, in October 2009, and he also didn’t post very many times either, so he must have gotten dissatisfied and left. I have a long history of falling in love with gay-ish guys, and reading ‘I’m not really gay but it seems like I would be because blah blah blah’ is a guaranteed way to make me say ‘OMG! I want to meet you!’ So I had a strong reaction to that person.

So then I had to look at Martin’s emails. Now that I have been reading things written by ENFps, I have a better idea what to look for. It’s possible he might actually be one and that was the reason why I felt the way I did. He told me he originally wanted to go into journalism, but decided not to, and journalism is the stereotype of ENFps – one of the names commonly given for that personality type is ‘The Reporter.’

This is a nostalgia moment. I remember how I felt when he and I talked on the phone that one time. I remember the night that I hugged him. I have to keep trying with this – not with him in particular, but with the ‘look for ENFps’ theory. It really does seem to be working. I am not looking for specific enneagram types because it’s hard enough to locate ENFps as it is without limiting it even further. But the enneagram type matters and I am wondering about how to find a Four. I am wondering if Fours are the ones that I like the most. They say there is an attraction between Threes and Fives, also.

I had to go look at Martin again though while this research was going on. Apparently, he is buried underneath a ‘blanket of snow.’ That’s my interpretation.

Anyway, the point was to make a place where I would obsess about hair without connecting it to the rest of my blog and the electronic harassment and all that.

February 24, 2011

It’s going to be a site about nothing but long hair, and I could put pictures there and that kind of thing too – I haven’t decided yet. It’s going to be about my beliefs and philosophy of hair, about why I believe in it, about other people’s beliefs, and all that. I just wanted it to be in its own world so that it wouldn’t mix in with all this stuff here.

This wasn’t where I was!!!!!!

February 24, 2011

I SWORE I was working on another blog’s settings, NOT RETMEISHKA. I was struggling with all the bullcrap of changing settings and changing the way it looked. I was trying to add a tag cloud, but I wasn’t on THIS blog. Then I looked at this blog and everything was gone and there was a huge tag cloud that I didn’t want! All my pages were gone, all the old links and the usual stuff was gone, and I don’t like changing things and messing things up. I am extremely annoyed. I wasn’t changing a universal setting. Now that I have let the cat out of the bag, I might as well say that I was making a separate blog about nothing but long hair, and its URL is I was already annoyed before that, because I had to pick a theme for the blog, as in, pick how it was going to look. I just wanted the default theme, the simplest theme possible. I was having a hard time finding that default theme because it gave me a list of ‘random’ themes, and I had to click ‘Most Popular’ to find the default theme. I had a theme with a hard-to-read font that I didn’t like, but the only thing I wanted to do was change the font, but I found out, YOU CAN’T DO THAT! You have to sign up for some website called TypeKit, which has a 30-day free trial of fonts! And if you try to change the CSS yourself, it lets you preview it but not change it forever. The only way to change a font is to change the entire theme. So I did that and put it on Kubrick, the default, the one with a blue box at the top. I added the tag cloud, as I said, only to discover when I looked back at Retmeishka that it had somehow been changed too, when I was trying to work on the long hair blog instead. AAAAAAHH!

omfg! i’m gonna scream!!!

February 24, 2011

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGHH!!!! I am trying to fix this! I was putting a tag cloud and it made everything change and …. AAAAHHH! Everything I do takes half an hour to do. I slowly struggle with crashing browsers and dialup as I move these widgets around and NOTHING, NOTHING can be done quickly!

Personality type tests must be right the first time, every time, for everybody, as though your life depended on knowing the correct answer.

February 23, 2011

I want to see a socionics test that assumes it’s life or death important for you to get the correct answer the first time, every time, for everybody who takes the test. 100% accurate, reliable, consistent results, for everybody. I want the test to assume that you will walk out of this room and use this information to make a decision that your life depends on, and you MUST get it right the first time.

Socionics duals are real, but you won’t find one if you are not typed correctly. If you are even one letter off, you won’t get an exact duality. I think that I am talking to a dual and a semi-dual, an ENTp, in my two emails. The ENTp believes himself to be an ENFp, but he is quite different from the other person I am talking to. There was a ‘hearing voices’ incident where I heard someone say ‘deficient duality’ after I read one of the emails, and I had just been reading about semi-duals. You can have good conversations and a lot to say, but you are lacking something that you will find in your dual.

I wouldn’t have known which people to look for if I were still floundering in my incorrect label of INTP, INTJ, and INFP as I was in the beginning when I first took the test. The test is EXTREMELY IMPORTANT. I would even say it’s worth paying money to go see someone and have them decide what type you are, except I’ve never tried that before, and since I know my type, I would have to deliberately test them and refuse to tell them what I know, in order to find out whether they are able to guess it by interacting with me and testing me in some other way.

It seems as though the tests don’t really care if they make a few mistakes. I want them to care about this as though your life depends on it. NO MISTAKES EVER. Right the first time every time for everybody, and you get the same answer again if you take the test again. The test must be foolproof and unhackable. I can’t take tests anymore easily because I know what the questions are asking about, and I answer them according to whatever I believe I am at the time, whatever I think I ‘should’ say. The tests must be designed so that they do not use self-description or self-observation to give you your type. You must have a task designed in such a way that only your type can succeed in the task. Only one type can do each task.

One of the best ways to test who you are is to find your dual and your semi-dual and interact with them. You can also find the duals for a couple other types that you suspect you might be.

Finding a dual is the only worthwhile way to meet people and fall in love… everything else seems like a waste of time. I feel sorry for people who don’t find one and don’t know how to look – it bothers me that this isn’t common knowledge. People find them by stumbling across them by accident, and only if they are in a school or college or someplace where lots of different types of people are together. In our jobs, we are isolated from different types of people, because the same types tend to cluster in one job environment. So, after school is over, you never get any more chances to meet people who are not at all like yourself. Then, people either marry someone that they have lukewarm feelings for, or they date people they have lukewarm feelings for, and they don’t experience love.

I want to see reliable tests. 100% accurate, the first time, every time, for everybody.

I’m sorry everyone, but I still, to this day, don’t know how Yulia Tymoshenko braids her hair over her head like that.

February 22, 2011

I was looking through my website statistics today. I don’t usually look at the stats, because I can’t view that page in the browser I normally use – I have to open it in another browser where the page is viewable.

Everyone wants to know about Yulia Tymoshenko’s hair. That’s one of the biggest search terms leading people to my blog. The other very big one is ‘I was disappointed that you tried.’ That was the biggest search engine phrase leading to my blog.

I feel sort of embarrassed that so many people looked at my blog, only to find that I didn’t know the answer. Sorry about that. Is her braid fake? It looks fake. I’ve tried wrapping my long hair over my head like that (back when my hair wasn’t in dreadlocks), and the braid got thinner and thinner the further along it went over my head, because there’s less and less hair towards the end of the braid. But Yulia Tymoshenko’s hair doesn’t seem to do that.

So, alas, I still don’t know the answer. But I hope I have helped people understand the meaning of the quote from Inception. At least I know what that meant.

Socionics Duality Relationships again. This is the second time in 24 hours that I have been thinking I need a database record instead of a search filter!

February 20, 2011

What’s going on with this?

First, I was thinking that I wanted to:

1. search blogs by location, to find USERS who lived in a particular area, THEN

2. search the USERS’ blogs by some other keywords, so that I could find:

RESULT: Everyone blogging about electronic harassment in the state of Pennsylvania.

There is no ‘user location’ in WordPress, as far as I know. You would have to create some way of finding the bloggers’ locations. Once, I tried just searching for the word ‘Pennsylvania’ or ‘PA’ somewhere in people’s blogs. I think I was looking in MySpace, too, trying to search for keywords in blogs on MySpace.

I need my information to ‘stick together.’ When you filter something, it falls apart. hahahaha but it’s true, those are intuitive descriptions of what happens. Database records stick together as a whole unit and it doesn’t forget what you originally found.

I tried once, as I said, searching for people who mentioned the word ‘Pennsylvania’ in their blog. If I tried to search within those results, it would try looking on the SAME PAGE as the word ‘Pennsylvania.’ I don’t want to look on the same page in someone’s blog. They might have mentioned Pennsylvania on an ‘About Me’ page. They might mention ‘electronic harassment’ on a totally different page. Therefore, I do not want to look in the same set of results. I want to look in the RECORDS that are ‘sticking together’ – all of the pages written by the users whose blogs came up in the first search.

That was the first incident of wanting a record instead of a filter.

Then today it happened again.

And now that I’m thinking of this, after messing around with Propellerheads Reason the other day, I’m thinking about sound filters now, and I’m wondering if the ‘record versus filter’ concept can be applied to sound filters. So instead of filtering sound (for music synthesizers) you would ‘search for records’ in sound. That reminds me of voice recognition, or pulling out the sound of one instrument out of a lot of background noise, somehow recognizing which instrument is the flute, which instrument is the drum, and which voice is the singer, when they are all blended together. You somehow follow that sound constantly and continue to recognize it the whole time as a unique, sticking-together ‘thing’ with an identity.

Anyway, the ‘needing a record’ incident happened again today. I wanted to filter my gmail so that everything from Craigslist would get sent into one folder. I might be able to make a filter do that if I say that everything directed at the anonymous Craigslist address, the random gibberish letters and numbers they assign to you if you want to be anonymous, should get sent to a particular folder. However, after you reply to that email, you start sending it back and forth from your real email, not the anonymous one. So the next bunch of emails would default to going back to the usual inbox. I could set it up to have a ‘reply to’ address, and then make a folder that receives everything sent to that address, except that that address is static – it’s always the same. CL assigns a random new one every time, so I would have to detect that random new one. I might still be able to use a ‘reply to’ address though… maybe…

Anyway I wanted a ‘record’ of who had come from Craigslist. I have a bunch of different emails and I’m trying to separate them from things like ‘Someone on facebook commented about so-and-so!’ messages.

I think one of the people I’m writing to, who calls himself an ENFp, is actually an ENTp. I ‘heard voices’ after reading one of his emails, while I had just been reading about the socionics relationships. The voice said ‘deficient duality,’ which means he is a semi-dual, an ENTp. Those can be good relationships, but not completely fulfilling. And they think Carrie is an ESFp, which is Curtis’s Illusionary relationship, not a duality. (Professor Trelawney says, ‘I see something, something dark….’ In other words, their relationship might not last or be as strong as one might wish.)

The not-an-ENFp guy is the one who reminded me of Sam from high school. So that would make them both ENTps. This guy also reminded me of Scott Adams, the Dilbert cartoonist, so he might be an ENTp too. I’ve read SA’s blog. This email guy made jokes and I thought they were funny, but his jokes strongly reminded me of something Scott Adams might say. He was talking about how many bad decisions had been made by drunk people (after I said I don’t drink or party), and then described a couple of disastrous situations happening to famous historical figures and celebrities, and each time, the person said ‘Here, hold my beer, and watch this…’ and then the disaster happens. It was funny, but I would swear I was talking to Scott Adams.

I am going to mention to this guy that I think he might be an ENTp, not an ENFp, and I will show him something written by an ISFp, his dual. I want people to find their duals, now that I know about this. I really care about the fact that a lot of people haven’t experienced a duality relationship. Again, the tests need to be perfected so that they give consistent, reliable, accurate results, and I want this to matter as much as if it were life or death, as if lives depended on getting an accurate answer. Right now it’s as though it ‘doesn’t really matter’ if you get an inaccurate answer from a personality type test, because nobody is going to drop dead this instant if it’s wrong. But I want the tests to have extremely strict standards that say, ‘It IS life or death! Get it right the first time! This is extremely important to know!’

I think that I am really lucky that I have experienced a duality relationship at least once in my life, with Rachael. It’s unfortunate that she wasn’t a guy. I think I might have known another guy who might have been an ENFp, but we were just friends, and he was more strongly attracted to me than I was to him – I found him physically unattractive 😦 . That’s a shame too. We used to write letters for a while when I was in either middle school or high school. (Back when letters went into envelopes that had a stamp on the outside, and you wrote them using a pen and paper. I struggled to read his scrawly handwriting.)

Anyway I say I’m lucky because that relationship programmed me, forever, to recognize true love when it happens, and to recognize the absence of true love, too. That is why I haven’t gotten married, or at least part of the reason. I didn’t try marrying anyone because I recognized early on that there was something missing or something wrong in the relationship, and part of the reason I could do that was because I had in the past experienced a truly satisfying relationship, which lasted for eleven years.

It is likely that I will have to look through church people, and I must be willing to tolerate belief in God. That is okay with me.

I was listening to God Radio either yesterday or the day before – yesterday? I’m confused. They were playing a radio theatre thing, from (the real URL is It was about some people living up in the mountains with their herds of goats, and the kid and his grandfather had to go looking for the father who had gone missing with the herd. These people reminded me of NFs. I’m not sure if they really were – I’ve decided that I almost always type people wrong. Maybe they were ISFps. But anyway if I can tolerate someone’s ‘irrational beliefs’ then I will get the benefit of everything else that their personality can offer me.

I’ll say this again, I want somebody to make personality tests that act as though your life depended on getting exactly the right answer the very first time, as though you would walk out of that room and use the information right there to make a life or death decision. And of course I want these tests to be free and online, not something you have to pay a bunch of experts to do. They have to be some kind of user-made, open-source type of thing, because there’s no way any of us could fight against the group of people who ‘own’ the official Myers-Briggs Type Indicator copyright, and tell them that their test is giving drastically, horribly wrong results, which discredits the entire personality theory! If people get horribly wrong results, they conclude that personality types don’t exist, the theory is bullcrap, testing doesn’t work, it’s all just another horoscope, and so on. Then they lose all the valuable benefits they could gain by knowing ACCURATELY what their own type is, and what type to seek in a mate, which would reduce divorces, and reducing the number of divorces is a good thing. I am trying to say that personality types are NOT just another horoscope, they are real and extremely important, but the lousy tests totally discredit the idea and make a lot of people not believe in it.

I am going to get used to referring to Socionics more than I refer to ‘Myers-Briggs.’ That will draw attention away from the system that seems more flawed or misleading to me, towards the one that I think is better. But I have to get used to that, because I’ve been calling it the Myers-Briggs ever since I first discovered it in the early 1990s in college. Socionics is less well known in the USA, and better known in Russia. This reflects very favorably on Russia to me. Thank you Russia. Or Lithuania, or whichever place the person was actually from. I’ll have to go look it up again.

Shoutout: Where all my ENFps at?

I need to know which professions they go into, which social groups they hang out with, which websites they visit, which movies and TV shows they like, which secret code words they recognize, and everything that will help me find them. When I find them, I still have to get past the physical attraction barrier. That is hard for me because of my obsession with long hair and my intense dislike for looking at or touching short-haired, clean-shaven men. This is a sincere dislike and I can’t just push the ‘off’ button to make myself stop disliking that. I don’t want to marry someone who I find untouchable.

The ENFp who really seems to be accurately typed, in my email, is 53 years old, I think he said. He showed me a family photo. He looks quite young. They are all normal looking and clean shaven. But the photo is funny, it looks exactly like something that would be in ‘Awkward Family Photos.’ I swear it looks exactly like that. It reminded me of some of the ridiculous and awkward things people did in those pictures, like a whole family piling up on top of each other for the photo. They’re not doing anything weird in the photo, just standing there together in the awkward portrait positions with their awkward portrait smiles, but there is something about their facial expressions and body language that just screams ‘AWKWARD FAMILY PHOTOS’ to me! I recognize them. This is the suspected enneatype Nine ENFp.

I might post this now…. I’m still thinking and I’m not quite done yet, so who knows, I might post two or three more blogs later on if I’m still thinking.

About socionics dual relationships. This insulting blog should chase away all of my readers forever. Muahahahaha!

February 20, 2011

3:05 AM 2/20/11

A few weeks ago I looked up ‘socionics’ because ‘they’ urged me to look it up. I didn’t look it up because I thought to look it up on my own. It was them. I had heard of it before, I had read the word, but I wasn’t that curious about it.

I have wanted to know which type I should get with if I want to have a stable, long-term love relationship, where we don’t get divorced later on after having kids. That hasn’t been easy to figure out, partly because I keep changing my own type (when ‘they’ tell me to – but yes, I agreed with them when they suggested I was either an ISTP or ISFP).

Most of the tests are terrible – I believe that they mistype a HUGE number of people, and not just a minor mistyping, but a drastic mistyping, telling you totally the wrong thing, not even in the ballpark. This makes some people conclude that there is no such thing as personality type! And that is a regrettable loss, because knowledge of personality types is extremely useful.

I want someone to fix this by creating tests that make you *do* things that only your type can do well – you demonstrate that you are that type, because no other type can do what you can do.

The tests don’t work well if you have to use self-description to choose the answers on the tests. You don’t know yourself well enough to accurately describe yourself, you can’t see the truth about yourself, you can only see the wishful thinking beliefs about who you think you are or who you want to be or who other people told you you should be. It’s EVEN HARDER if you’ve been reading about personality types for a couple decades, as I have been! because when I take a test now, I always have some idea what it is that the test questions are testing for, and since I already believed that I was a particular type, I tended to ‘try’ to get that type by answering the questions ‘correctly.’ I had been brainwashed to think I was that type, and I had to try to get that answer when I took a test.

One of the questions on the tests that I took recently, which gave me some doubts about being an F type, was: Do you automatically know how to cheer up the people around you or change their moods? I forget the exact words of the questions. But no, I don’t. If other people around me are in a bad mood, I can express some sympathy for them but I don’t know how to make people laugh, for instance. I don’t automatically do the right things to cheer people up, but yet, I know exactly what that question is talking about, because I see people who do that easily, and I know that I can’t. I noticed that question because I had never seen it before on any previous tests, so it was new, unfamiliar, and unexpected. It gave me a new way of looking at things.

It’s extremely important that the tests give you accurate results if you are going to try to use them to find a love relationship. If you have the wrong type, and you are searching for the wrong type because you believe that person will be good for you, then the whole process is impossible and frustrating and totally wrong. For instance, when I thought I was an ISFP, I thought that I should look for an ESTJ, because of some theories that I no longer agree with. Not only was I mistyped, I was also using a theory that I no longer agree with. If I had gotten a good match, it would have been random chance. (The theory I was using says: Change all of the letters except the S/N. In Socionics, it says, change all of the letters except the J/P. So if I really had been an ISFp, I would have looked for an ENTp with the socionics theory.)

I took a small socionics test that had only eight questions, first. It said I was an ISTp. (In Socionics, they lowercase-ize the p or j at the end. Or you can use the socionics letters SLI, same thing.) I thought it was probably wrong because it had only eight questions. 🙂 Apparently ‘they’ decided it was right, because it was shortly after that that they decided to put me back in ISTp.

It’s also helpful to know your enneagram type correctly. The socionics type is more important – that comes first – but after that, the enneagram type influences which person you will like most out of a set of results. If you’re an ISTp and you find ten different ENFps, then the enneagram type is probably the reason why you have one favorite out of that group. The enneagram web pages talk about how some of the type pairs have a special chemistry that seems to be stronger than the other pairings. They say that all types can get along, but yet, some seem to be more strongly drawn together. It’s my understanding that if I am a Three (for real, and not just as the result of a typing error), then I might tend to like Fours and Fives.

You have to get past the idea that particular Myers-Briggs types ‘aren’t allowed’ to be a particular enneagram type. Or the idea that there is a correlation between the enneagram types and the Myers-Briggs types. (Like ‘All Eights are ENTJs,’ or something. There are other types that can be Eights.)

Socionics doesn’t just stop after figuring out which type you would fall in love with as your soul mate – your ‘dual.’ They also describe each of the relationships you have with all the other types.

Now, I have seen some sort of thing where other people in the ‘Jungian Types School’ had some names for your relationships with your other Jungian functions, but it wasn’t very clear to me what they were talking about. They had some archetype names for what that function means to you, like ‘the jester’ or something like that, or ‘the devil,’ for instance, for some of the relationships you have with your shadow functions. Like, a relationship between you and one of your functions. It wasn’t clear that this would also be a relationship between you and other types out in the world.

Socionics made a name for the relationships between you and all sixteen of the types. Your relationship with your own type is called ‘Identity,’ and it’s actually just below ‘Dual’ (your soulmate) in terms of relationship quality. Dual is first, and Identity is just below that. So you like people who are exactly like yourself, too. The Identity relationships tend to be a teacher-student relationship if you are two different ages, like a parent and child. You might feel competitive against your Identity in a social environment if you were the same age and same sex.

I’ve been having a reaction to one of my co-workers who I never worked with much in the past, but have been working with recently because they’ve been scheduling me to work earlier in the day. I never knew her much at all. Now that I’ve been working with her, I’ve gotten annoyed with her several times because she does things the wrong way, but somehow it turns out to miraculously work out well anyway. You’re supposed to follow certain procedures, and often, she doesn’t follow them. My ‘wrong’ detector goes off, and I get annoyed with her for doing something wrong, but then I see that the result she gets is BETTER than if she had done it the right way. So I slyly, secretly copy her ‘wrong’ way of doing things (not all the time, but sometimes, because there are some things that irritate me so badly I don’t want to do them). She seems somehow stupid and smart at the same time. I decided she is probably my identity, an ISTp. She is slightly competitive and threatening to me, and I get kind of jealous of her sometimes. She is also kind of annoying. But we seem to understand each other.

Curtis and I are ‘Identity.’ He is most likely an ISTp. (I will be very annoyed if anybody tries to change this later and say that he isn’t an ISTp.) He knows how to do things like install his own stereo and speakers into the car, and decorate the inside of the car with neon lights. As he is much younger than I am, and as he was a newly hired employee at Weis in the summer of 2009, I had a teacher/student relationship with him. I loved teaching him how to do things, and I loved helping him when he had problems. That was the most wonderful time period with us. After a while, I became sad, because he didn’t need me to teach him anymore, and also, he moved to another shift earlier in the day and wasn’t ever alone with me anymore. In the evenings, our two departments might have only one person working there at a time, so I would be alone in my department and he would be alone in his, and so he would come to me if there was a problem.

If personality types are hereditary, or if they tend to be, then it makes sense that you should have a good relationship with your Identity type, because many of your children might be that type. I had sort of a ‘younger brother’ feeling from him.

I don’t know what type Martin was. He was unusual. I didn’t interact with him enough, and we only had a couple of emails that were more than a few sentences long, before ‘they’ started forcing disasters to happen and making it impossible for us to communicate. I can’t see what type he is. I enjoyed his writing style and I enjoyed reading his blog (which is no longer there).

I have recently placed an ad asking for ENFps. Lots of people answered it and told me what their type was, but they were all the wrong type. Only recently, I got two ENFps, finally. One of them seems to be an enneatype Nine and the other might be a Six. When I was reading one of the emails from the ‘Six-Like Person’ (since I don’t know for sure), I was strongly reminded of my old friend Sam from public school. So Sam might be an ENFP type Six, and I never knew that.

How can I tell if these are the right people, when the test gives so many wrong results? Well, it doesn’t give the wrong results to ENFps, ha ha. It DOES give the wrong results to sensors. Many sensors are mistyping as intuitives because of the way the questions are worded. I was typing as ‘INTP,’ ‘INTJ,’ and ‘INFP’ in the beginning.

If I still believed I was an INTP, and if I followed my previous type attraction theory (change all the letters except the N), it would have been a disaster according to the type I have today and the socionics theory. I would have tried looking for ENFJs. ENFJ is the WORST match for an ISTP in socionics. It seems strange – there’s only one letter of difference between the very best and the very worst, ENFP and ENFJ. But that is how it is. You must know EXACTLY your correct type, and you must use the right theory of which types you are attracted to.

My best friend in the world, Rachael, was an ENFP. As soon as I learned about the Myers-Briggs types, and I read about the other types, I recognized her as ENFP. For us it was love at first sight. We were both in Gifted class in sixth grade and I think this was the first class session. I had never met her before. She started laughing about something. But she has one of those dorky laughs that sounds like a dying seal. ‘Honk, honk, honk,’ is the way she laughs. Like a classic dork on television. She really laughs like that for real. As soon as I heard her laughing, I started laughing at the way she laughed. It made me laugh uncontrollably, which made her laugh even harder, and it created a feedback loop. We both sat there laughing like morons for several minutes while the rest of the class silently watched us thinking we were crazy. That is how I fell in love at first sight with my old best friend Rachael.

Curtis and Carrie fell in love at first sight at a party. So I started wondering if she is an ENFP. I get along well with her, actually, and she says that she likes me (although she doesn’t like some of the things that ‘they’ have been forcing me to do). This was depressing to me in a way, because I don’t drink and I don’t go to parties, so I can’t go mingling with groups of people and falling in love at first sight at a party. The most I could do would be to go to a church, probably. I would find a lot of Type Nines there, and I don’t really feel a strong attraction to Nines.

Unfortunately, it looks like some of the people I will be strongly attracted to will be the super-crazies. The uber-weirdos. I have a history of this. I was attracted to Terry at first sight. He was the guy I dated for several years in high school. He was a total wackjob and we fought constantly over nothing but we loved each other and I loved him more than I ever loved anyone before. The reason I say ‘unfortunately’ at the beginning is because these people are rare and hard to find. You can’t just go into a group of people and find the weirdest person there. I am talking about people who are so extremely weird, you can’t predict where on earth you will find them. I can say I will find lots of Nines in a church. But I can’t say where I will find lots of weirdos. (A Harry Potter fan club with everyone wearing their costumes? I don’t know. Maybe not. And I am a huge Harry Potter fan, but never have tried to join a group about it yet.)

The reason I was convinced about socionics so quickly was because I recognized that their description of Duality fit my relationship with Rachael, if I really am an ISTp. I have never dated large numbers of people, but every once in a while, someone special and unusual comes along that I am attracted to. And these people are almost always something similar to an ENFP.

It fit my relationship with an older guy named Joe who I was with for a short time in college. I was 23? and he was 41 and married. He was an intellectual guy but also very disorganized, and he was loving and kind and gentle, but also patronizing, and he used huge, abstract words that I had to look up in the dictionary, like ‘confluence’ – I learned the word ‘confluence’ from him, and I have always remembered that I learned the word ‘confluence’ from him.

I loved Justin the Rat when I was a child and I saw ‘The Secret of Nimh.’ I looked in that book when I went home to West Virginia in December, and Justin reminded me of an ENFP. He was a gentle hero who came to appreciate Mrs. Frisby’s surprising strength and resourcefulness. I liked part of his dialogue where he was surprised by her, and told her he was surprised, sort of like ‘I never realized how cool you were till now,’ with admiration, seeing her for the first time, that kind of thing. I used to have a crush on Justin.

I’m wondering now if Bernard and Bianca on… what was that called? Bernard and Bianca the mouse on ‘The Rescuers’ might have been duals – she was more extraverted and he was introverted; he was a janitor; he was timid; she was adventurous; but I’m not sure of their types. (Cartoon characters were a lot more pleasant back then. Nowadays we are tortured by unbearably annoying characters like the Shrek Donkey, characters who have behavior problems that have become worse in the past few decades, like hyperactivity and autism, which are being caused by chemicals, vaccines, and malnutrition.)

In high school there was a guy who later turned out to be gay, but we dated for a while, and he had hundreds of videotapes of Japanese animation at a time in the past when we didn’t have the internet as much as we do today, so I don’t know where he heard about such an obscure thing. He was a weirdo.

My brother (ISTp) loved Ariel the Mermaid, who is often typed as an ENFp. Not all ENFps are as obvious as she is, especially if they’re male, so I can’t just go around looking for male mermaids who remind me of Ariel. If males are F, and if females are T, then they’re harder to recognize than usual, because there are tendencies in the male brain and the male culture to act like a T, and tendencies in the female world to act like an F. Male and female personality types are different, and I would like to see a male and female version of every one of the descriptions, because the differences are significant. A male ENFp and a female ENFp are not exactly the same, and it’s hard to recognize a ‘feminine’ type in a male or a ‘masculine’ type in a female. I read on one of the socionics pages that males tend to form hierarchies, where one person commands the others, and females tend to form egalitarian groups, where everyone is equal, and it tends to be this way no matter what their types are. And they have found more T types in males, and more F types in females. So I am a slightly rare type (not extremely rare, but slightly) and the guy I want to find is also a slightly rare type.

I have dated an unusually high number of left-handed people.

I am not just picking the weirdest people as ‘good examples’ out of all the people I dated. I hardly ever dated anybody. When I did date anybody, they were almost always very weird. If I tried dating a normal person, we might be together one time and then give up. (Part of my definition of ‘normal person’ is ‘someone I can’t stand.’ That might be because an ISTJ is viewed as a ‘normal person.’ One of the socionics pages said that for this particular relationship, which I can’t remember the name of, you can’t stand to read a book written by that person, and ‘their creations look monstrous.’)

That happened once when I kissed a ‘normal guy’ who I met at a party. I went to a drinking party with some of my co-workers – I think this was when I was in college and home for the summer – and I didn’t drink, I just sat there watching everyone else drink. One of the drunk guys made out with me. I think we were in the garage. It was actually pathetic and I didn’t enjoy it very much. He left lots of hickeys on my neck and I went home and my parents saw them. But I didn’t feel much attraction to him and I never made any effort to find him again. Whatever it was, it was just drunken randomness. And he seemed to be someone I would describe as ‘normal.’ (Although I was somewhat normal back then, too.) He could’ve been yet another ENFp for all I know, but he was ‘normal’ and he ‘fit in’ in most ways.

‘Normal’ and ‘weird’ might be the influence of the enneagram type. I don’t know. They also might be Weston Price brain deformities. (Warning… I’m tired of giving this warning, but every time I mention Weston Price, I have to say this. If you ever get interested in their diet, be warned that some of the things people talk about eating will make you extremely sick right away, as in, puking a couple minutes after you eat it. Bone marrow is one of those things. And the smell, the vapors from the bone marrow, if you ever try to eat it, will linger in your refrigerator forever and ever and ever, and will never decay, and they will permeate all the food and drink you put in there, so that you will puke again if you eat anything that got the vapors in it. That was my personal experience with trying to eat bone marrow, which Weston Price followers say you can eat. They say it’s made into soup, and there are recipes described for bone marrow in some of the books written by the followers like Sally Fallon. Whoever has written this is a liar who never actually ate the recipe they’ve written, because bone marrow will trigger severe and uncontrollable vomiting (and also fainting and passing out, and also, horrible feelings all over the body, ‘malaise,’ and hours and hours of restless agitation) within minutes. So the Weston Price diet needs MAJOR TROUBLESHOOTING! Read that website that gives the instructions for doing the ‘universal edibility test!’ *DON’T* just eat what the Weston Price followers suggest! End of disclaimer. Not only that, but toxic chemicals and drugs can cause a lot of those deformities too, and they may be equally important, or more important, than nutrient deficiencies in causing those deformities.)

What was I saying? The Weston Price brain deformities can make people weird, with parts of the brain being too large or too small. But I’m not sure if that’s all it is. It might possibly be Fives who are ‘weird’ to me. Fives are often described as strange and nonconformist and not fitting in somehow. Fours are also weirdos who don’t fit in, but they are the ‘depressed and suicidal’ kind of weirdo more than the ‘bizarre and unpredictable’ kind of weirdo. I haven’t met many people who I thought were Fours. Joe might have been a Four (the 41 year old), and ‘Nerdman’ (in the chatroom years ago) might have been a Four (I don’t think he was an ENFp, but I think he was an NF. Maybe an INFp. He was also patronizing and superior to me, like Joe – and no, I don’t like that, in the long run – it’s something I put up with because I like other things about the person enough that I still want to be with them. I like being respected for my strength.) Again, when I call people weirdos, I also call myself a weirdo. I am always feeling like an outsider who doesn’t fit in when I’m in a group – an outsider in a bad way. And I can’t mean ‘weirdo’ as an insult because these are the only people I have ever loved.

Weirdos are so strange and so complex and unpredictable that I haven’t seen them well represented on television and the movies. I want to see more of them.

‘What Dreams May Come’ might be about duality. I thought they both seemed like ‘P’ types, and back then, I thought that was ‘wrong’ because it didn’t match my theory of which types ought to go together. If anyone was a weirdo it was Robin Williams jumping along like a bunny in the doctor’s office to lead Stacy Jacobs away to get her migraines diagnosed. (Am I remembering this right? It’s been a while since I saw the movie – it’s on a VCR tape, not a DVD, and I need to get a copy on DVD.) Annie was an artist, but she wasn’t just doing her own art, she was also fixing and restoring other people’s paintings, so she might have been more of a ‘crafter’ like an ISTp. As a woman, she would have had the ‘F’ skills more strongly, and could talk about feelings, so she could say things like ‘You get angry. Death does that,’ when they put the dog to sleep.

(That just made me think of Inception. ‘There’s really nothing to be said,’ is what Maurice Fischer said to Robert Fischer after their mother died. When he heard that story, Eames, disguised as Uncle Peter, responded, ‘Oh, well, he was never good with feelings,’ which is a laughable understatement. There are particular combinations that will tend to be extremely ‘bad with feelings,’ and that will most likely be a male, possibly an Eight and an ESTJ or ENTJ. I’m guessing. I could be wrong. Somebody else will type Maurice Fischer as something completely different from what I just said. I can imagine someone saying he was a One or a Three or a Four or a Six or…. I never watched him closely for the purpose of determining his type, and there might not be enough information there.)

I always believed that if a household didn’t have a combination of P and J strengths, if both parents had the same P or J attribute, then the household would either be ‘too J’ or ‘too P,’ where ‘too J’ means that all you do is follow rigid unbreakable rules and schedules all day long, and ‘too P’ means everyone procrastinates forever and everything is disorganized and there are no rules and the house is a mess and no one will do the laundry. (‘What Dreams May Come’ would have been that kind of house.) That is my mental image of the reason why a household should have one member be a P and the other be a J.

(I like the idea of a socionics quadra household. Socionics has these four groups, quadrants or quadra or something, and in each group you have yourself, your dual, your ‘activator,’ and your ‘mirror.’ For me that would be ISTp, ENFp, INFj, and ESTj. Two pairs of duals living together in a house – it’s likely that at least one person will be able to cook and do laundry.)

Why do I have to use tests and theories and worry about all this stuff? I would love to just meet large numbers of people and then feel which ones were the most attractive to me. But that is impossible, and intolerable, when you are trying to use dating websites instead of going to churches or drunken parties. There are thousands of guys who will fuck anything, and ‘anything’ is me. They don’t care if there is any spiritual attraction. They don’t care if your personality types get along. They don’t care if you can enjoy a conversation with each other. They want you because you have a physical body with a couple of holes in it. This is the ‘we live on a desert island and must save the species from extinction’ mentality. All that matters is having sex and getting someone pregnant. (They don’t want to get anyone pregnant, though. I’m just saying that if birth control methods didn’t exist, these guys would get someone pregnant.) If I go out with these people even once, then they keep emailing me afterwards and I have to feel the guilt of telling them ‘no’ over and over again, and eventually I find myself physically unable to motivate myself to even answer their emails.

(Note, about ‘answering emails’: There is a phenomenon for targeted individuals, where hackers intercept your email, and people are trying to email you and you really don’t get it, and you don’t get your phone calls either. This is real. It’s confusing because sometimes, in real life, I really do give up on answering someone’s emails, especially with dating websites where the ‘fuck anything’ people send you hundreds of meaningless, anonymous, generic letters. You can never tell when your emails are really being ignored, or if they are getting intercepted. I don’t think I would ever just ignore dozens and dozens of long, passionate, bizarre emails though. Ever since I had the email interception phenomenon going on, I have ‘heard voices’ telling me that people were desperately trying to write to me, and these would be people I would love, who wrote me emails that I would love to read, and I’m not getting them, and they think they’re being ignored.)

I am also trying to create a relationship that will be stable. I have dated people and broken up with them. I had an irreconcilable conflict with Rachael after we were together for 11 years. That’s my longest relationship. I tend to date people for a few years, and again, I don’t date huge numbers of people, but for marriage, I want someone who I can stay with for a few decades so that we can raise the children in a stable house. I don’t want a divorce with children. If we divorced after the children were gone from the house that would be one thing (although still painful, as I am happy that my own mother and father are still together), but divorcing with children is terrible. Divorcing without children is bad enough.

So anyway… I’ve got two emails going with two ENFps, one of which might be a Six and the other of which might be a Nine. I don’t know for sure. I know the Nine for sure, but the other one I haven’t decided yet.

Some other day, I will have to talk about the Weston Price deformities, and people being low class socially. In West Virginia there are more deformities, more ‘stupid’ people (I’m sorry, but it’s true), and more fat people. These things are caused by something – they happen to people through no fault of their own, although when some stupid person annoys you because of something they do, you blame them when you’re annoyed, but really they can’t help whatever they are doing – but anyway, this is associated with poverty, bottle-feeding, vaccines, pesticides, malnutrition, and other chemical poisoning. I have tried to research the soil nutrients in West Virginia and I get the impression that their soil is not good for producing food. They have to import food. It would cause malnutrition if you ate nothing but food produced in West Virginia – but again I couldn’t find the information I wanted to know about, which was: which microminerals are missing from the soil? Is it selenium, chromium, etc? Or which macrominerals? Calcim, phosphorus… etc. But I have also wondered if coal mining and coal smoke have caused a lot of chemical contamination in West Virginia. Coal burning can cause lead poisoning and other heavy metal poisoning. Those things definitely make people stupid and they cause deformities of the whole body and brain.

I was thinking of this because a lot of unfamiliar, unusual people were going through the drive-thru the other day, and I saw large numbers of severely deformed faces, not just mildy deformed. These seemed like out-of-towners, or poor people, or people I recognized from the worst parts of West Virginia. People with big huge yellow teeth sticking out in all directions, their mouths hanging open, people who seemed mildly retarded with their tongues sticking out and lolling. (The original meaning of the word ‘loll’ is ‘tongue lolling’ and I always though of that when the abbreviation LOL came out, laughing out loud – I always thought of lolling tongues.) They stick their tongue out, move it around, and pull it back into their mouth. This is a deformity associated with retardation. But this person was driving a car, and she had her family in the back, and they all looked similar to her. And there was more than one car full of people who all looked like that. There were many different cars with severely deformed people driving them the other day.

Physical appearance matters, and I am even more convinced of that than ever after reading Weston Price. There are stereotypes, like ‘Cletus, The Slack-Jawed Yokel’ on The Simpsons, and these stereotypes are true, because the ‘stupidity’ that they are making fun of is caused by brain deformities which are associated with visible face and jaw deformities. I’m sure pesticides are the biggest cause of this, but if you have pesticides combined with malnutrition from poor soil and a bad diet in your culture, combined with bottle feeding in infancy, you get the worst possible deformities – hideous faces and hugely obese people who can hardly walk because of severe obesity. Vaccines can also cause ‘panniculitis,’ and when I read that word, I looked it up, because it looked familiar, and it turns out it’s an inflammation of the panniculum, or whatever – I forget the word now – which is the belly fat. Your fat tissue, your adipose tissue, can get inflamed by vaccines. I believe that all of the fat tissue in someone’s entire body can be inflamed and deformed as a result of vaccines, which causes severe obesity. Severe obesity has nothing to do with overeating. The end. Repeat to infinity. ***SEVERE OBESITY HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH OVEREATING!!!*** Repeat to infinity. It happens through absolutely no fault of your own. It is caused by poisons, vaccines, and permanent body deformities in the adipose tissue. This is a ‘deformity,’ a misshapen body part which did not develop properly. Just as you can grow a jaw which is too small for the teeth to fit into properly, you can grow fat tissue which is too big for the rest of the body.

But I will have to leave this subject for some other day – I’m exhausted. I need sleep. I’m supposed to write an email back to somebody but I don’t know if I can. I’m so exhausted I can hardly type. ‘They’ woke me up after a brief nap tonight.

I know this blog sounded horrible and judgmental, making fun of weirdos, ugly people, stupid people, poor people, West Virginians, fat people, autistic people, nerds and dorks, suicidally depressed people, guys who will fuck anything with a hole, people who believe you should change every letter except the S/N, and men who are ‘bad with feelings.’ If there is a way to chase away ALL of my blog readers, that is the way to do it. Oh well…

Socionics duals

February 19, 2011

I can’t get enough of them. It is real.

What? Derivatives still exist? Deutsche Borse in Germany is buying the New York Stock Exchange

February 17, 2011

“And the Germans aren’t buying the New York Stock Exchange for its commoditized, highly competitive and ultra-low-margin stock business, but rather for its lucrative derivatives operations.”

(The word ‘lucrative’ here means ‘bankrupt,’ I guess.) Derivatives are what caused the big economic collapse a few years ago. I thought that we had gotten rid of them. There was a while when nobody could sell any derivatives for even the smallest amount of money. They were cursed. Now they’re being called ‘lucrative?’ As in, profitable? Bringing lots of wealth? Somebody WANTS them? So they’ve been lingering around all this time, waiting for someone to buy them, and some stock exchange in Germany wants to buy them. I don’t understand – I guess the stock exchange isn’t exactly BUYING them, the derivatives themselves. What are they buying, and what does it have to do with derivatives? Not sure I can figure it out from this story – it’s just an opinion story.

Find Black Book

February 16, 2011

I have been struggling to ‘negotiate’ the last couple days so that I will be ‘allowed’ to hunt for a second job. Every little thing I do, no matter how small, has to be ‘approved’ by someone. This is the way that a mind control puppet lives life.

I had to get approval to hunt for the black book that has my old addresses and job history in it. It’s probably outdated by now. I need to put the most recent jobs in it. But there are a few jobs in there that I might need to refer to while filling out applications. I should copy all of the info into another book and keep it updated. Anyway, I really wanted to find this book.

I thought I had had it not too long ago because I applied for the job at McDonald’s (to be rehired after having been fired) in autumn 2009. But the black book wasn’t in any obvious places.

I started programming my brain to look for the book, and they let me do that. ‘They’ also ‘programmed’ this command into my brain, since they of course can’t just let me do anything on my own. I had a couple places where I suspected it was. This morning, I got up and started looking, and opened up a random plastic bag on the floor, and it was right there with some other papers. It took only a couple seconds to find it.

Now I have to do a series of steps to continue applying for jobs.

Accounts receivable and accounts payable are just another type of inventory. They must be tagged.

February 15, 2011

‘Inventory’ includes: ACCOUNTS RECEIVABLE.

Somebody said that in my head the second after I published that last post. I got very excited. This was a new idea but I understood it right away.

This isn’t just about tagging the dollars that you have saved in your safe. You also have to know the cost of all the dollars that people owe to you, and the cost of all the dollars that you owe to other people.

It would be meaningless if somebody owed you a thousand refrigerators and you had no idea how much they were worth. Or if YOU owed someone a thousand refrigerators. It would be obvious that you would want to know the exact price of those refrigerators so that you would know what they owed you.

There is no ‘master item’ that doesn’t need a tag. Currency is not a master item. It is always valued in terms of something else. It does not have an inherent value of its own that you don’t have to bother referring it or comparing it to something else. Its value is always a ratio: dollars/food, dollars/gasoline, and so on.

Every item in inventory needs a tag. The tag is a historical record of what this item was worth when you bought it. Its worth is measured by a ratio of that item to several other useful things, like dollars/food, dollars/land, dollars/labor, etc. AT THE TIME WHEN YOU BOUGHT IT in the past.

Currency (money) is just another inventory item.

Accounts receivable and accounts payable are a type of inventory. Money someone owes you, and money that you owe to someone else, is just another type of inventory.

I got excited about this idea because I understood it right away. (‘Right away’ means after I’ve spent all of the years since the year 2000 reading lots of books and websites about money, and after doing a Schaum’s Outline of Bookkeeping and Accounting. So it wasn’t really ‘right away.’)

Money is fungible, but its inventory tags are not

February 15, 2011

This is going to seem weird to most of my blog readers because I haven’t blogged about money a lot lately. In the past I often used to blog about the value of gold and that kind of thing.

I woke up with someone talking to me about the reasons why the concept of ‘profit’ is so distorted. I knew the reason why but was struggling to explain it. I remembered the word ‘fungible’ and looked it up. It wasn’t exactly what I was trying to say, but it was similar.

I was trying to say, money isn’t fungible. ‘Fungible’ means that any piece of money can be substituted for any other piece of money. One dollar is just as good as any other. But I was trying to say, No it’s not.

Instead, every dollar in your ‘inventory,’ every dollar that you are saving and keeping somewhere, was ‘bought’ at a particular moment in history. You bought that dollar with some kind of labor – you had to work to earn that dollar.

When a business keeps other items in storage, in their inventory, they always keep a record of how much it cost when they bought it. If you have a hundred refrigerators in your warehouse, you know how much each fridge cost when you bought it. Each one has a tag. But people don’t keep a record of how much each dollar cost when they bought it.

You wouldn’t need a tag on every single dollar bill. But large groups of money, large deposits from a particular time period – how long? maybe a year? six months? whatever – all the money from that time period was able to buy a certain number of labor hours, refrigerators, houses, acres of land, gold coins, gallons of gas, food, and so on.

You don’t know whether you’re ‘profiting’ if you don’t know how much your dollars were worth when you got them.

So I blurted out a couple of notes which I’ve left unedited – I was just thinking out loud. It is hard to understand and it was just my thinking process. This was saved in a Notepad file before I decided to blog it.


money is not fungible

look the word up, does it mean: each piece is worth the same as every other piece?

Fungibility is the property of a good or a commodity whose individual units are capable of mutual substitution. Examples of highly fungible commodities are crude oil, wheat, orange juice, precious metals, and currencies.

It refers only to the equivalence of each unit of a commodity with other units of the same commodity. Fungibility has nothing to do with the ability to exchange one commodity for another different commodity.

Well, yes, KIND OF. You CAN substitute one piece of liquid gold for another piece of liquid gold. They are all the same. However, I am trying to say that the history of each item in inventory gives it ‘tags’ of historical ratios at the time when it was purchased, and a piece of currency is just another tagged item in your inventory, and you will do a first-in, first-out, or last-in, first-out, and so on, all those ways of VALUING YOUR INVENTORY. Costing inventory, whatever.

Dollars are NOT ‘the master’ item that doesn’t need to have a ‘cost’ associated with it. You wouldn’t have an inventory full of refrigerators without knowing what those refrigerators cost when you bought them and what they’re worth now. But people carelessly keep dollars in inventory without knowing what they cost when they bought them. How many labor hours did it cost? How many acres of land? Gasoline gallons? Food? Rent? Electric bills?

Dollars in inventory, and gold pieces in inventory, and all other currencies being ‘saved’ over time, must have a tag describing some different ratios at the time when they were purchased, and it’s informative to have more than one ratio. Dollars/gold, dollars/land, dollars/food, dollars/labor hours at some job, etc.

Do not keep any form of money in inventory without keeping a record of how much that particular item cost. Each deposit must have a tag. The money is still fungible, but the tags are not. You can still choose any particular piece of money and spend it today, and it will look just like all the other pieces. But the tags must be deleted from your inventory when you spend it so that you know what are the remaining tags on the rest of your inventory.

another angry rant about electronic harassment

February 14, 2011

9:47 PM 2/14/11

I haven’t been this upset in a long time. I am very worried about my money but I am struggling against the murderers who want to force me to think about everything else except what I need to do.

The incident going on with his fake tattoo shirt – It upset ‘them’ very badly and ‘they’ are freaking out over this. I am trying to do important things for myself such as hunt for a job, but ‘they’ have been trying to force me to do less urgent things like hunt for a boyfriend on a dating website, while they of course prevent me from receiving any emails from anyone I would actually like. They are forcing me to try to do something while simultaneously causing me to fail.

And the need for a second job becomes more and more urgent. My car needs to be fixed before May, which is when the inspection is due. May seems like a long way off, but it will be here in the blink of an eye and my car won’t have been fixed yet, and I know this will happen. Then I will pay fines of hundreds of dollars for driving with an old inspection sticker, which I have done several times in the past.

They have been forcing me to obsess about men and dating and dating websites. If I had plenty of free time and there weren’t any urgent money problems that would be an interesting thing to think about, but it is not safe to spend all my mental energy thinking about this while simultaneously being forced to fail.

I have avoided visiting Curtis for a couple of reasons. It hurts me to be near him when I have such strong feelings for him and I am not supposed to express them. It’s better if I just stay away.

But in the world of the ‘puppet mafia,’ nothing happens by accident. He just did this tattoo shirt thing, and it had ‘trigger images’ that were meaningful to the puppeteers controlling me, and they have been having a reaction of screaming hysteria because of it. They have also been upset about other things that he has put online recently.

‘Tigers’ and ‘dragons’ have been trigger images to me since this first began. The tiger is my Chinese zodiac symbol, and ‘they’ also used to call me a ‘tiger’ whenever I was having a drug reaction and screaming at the attackers when they attacked me, as though it was unusual to become very angry about the fact that you are being attacked. They have always responded by taunting me to make me even more enraged whenever I am enraged, because their goal is to make the victims murder someone else or kill themselves. This is an experience common to all of the victims, the attackers provoking rages and then making them even worse. ‘Tiger’ images would always be forced into my head to taunt me whenever I was enraged. The message was ‘You are a tiger,’ a way to make fun of me for being angry and enraged, a way to laugh at my rage and make me even more angry. They also gave me dreams about tigers.

Then I read a news article, or blog, or something, about the ‘Tiger Mother’ phenomenon, which reinforced the tiger symbol. The ‘tiger mother’ was the word for mothers in China who are extremely achievement-oriented and force their children to practice something over and over for hours until they can do it perfectly. I read this blog right around the time that I took home a little stuffed tiger from the McDonald’s happy meal, and it’s labeled ‘Mama Tiger.’

Then there is the dragon. I’m not going to go into detail here, but there was a childhood sexual fantasy that involved an imaginary cartoon dragon, and when the attacks began in 2003, they made me become unable to think of that anymore, and it became a constant, neverending type of attack – an attack where they forced me to become unable to fantasize about anything at all while masturbating, while instead they would force disgusting and unpleasant images into my mind, or force me to see people’s faces, and things like that, and doing things that were loud and obvious and meant to say, ‘I’M WATCHING YOU.’

This is the same spirit as the guards at Guantanamo. Imagine being a prisoner at Guantanamo. They are all males, I assume – I don’t believe they have any female prisoners there, but they might – Imagine that, even after all these years of starvation and torture, the men at Guantanamo still feel sexual urges and still need to masturbate privately sometimes, while being constantly surrounded and watched and taunted and tortured by murderers. That is the same spirit as what the attackers are doing to me. The behavior is the same: ‘YOU ARE GROSS AND DISGUSTING AND YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO ENJOY YOURSELF.’ Instead of seeing masturbation as just another bodily function, as ordinary as going to the bathroom, eating, or breathing – masturbation is just an ordinary thing that you have to do to relieve sexual energy – ‘THEY’ act like masturbation is a VERY BIG DEAL, something big and important to get all excited about and all upset over, when actually, it is nothing.

They also act like ‘IT MATTERS WHAT YOU FANTASIZE ABOUT.’ They are obsessed with finding out what your fetishes are, what is unusual or ‘abnormal’ about your sexual fantasies, and then torturing you over that as though it matters at all. Most fantasies are not connected to reality at all and they are something you would never act on, or they are physically impossible, or whatever, and it doesn’t matter to real life at all. But they act like the particular content of your sexual fantasies is LIFE OR DEATH IMPORTANT and if you think about anything which is the slightest bit ‘deviant’ then you will be tortured and prevented from fantasizing. They do this, while at the same time, behaving as though they are excited about it. They are simultaneously acting like they are excited, while also telling you that you are a ‘bad girl’ and things like that, and zapping you to prevent you from fantasizing, and telling you that the fantasies are bad and you are an evil disgusting person for thinking about that, while also acting excited. And no, I do not enjoy that. ‘Bad girl’ is the #1 most disgusting and repulsive thing that any human being can say to me. It is definitely a ‘trigger phrase.’

The dragon image is connected to all of that. The dragon is associated with sexual fantasies and childhood drawings and the fact that they forced me to become unable to fantasize about anything at all while masturbating. Then, it turns out that Curtis also likes dragons, and he had a dragon decal on his car – and I like his artistic taste, I like the way he decorates his cars and everything he owns, and I liked the dragon, I wasn’t offended by it or anything. But ‘they’ connected ‘dragon’ to Curtis partly because of that.

Both images were in the tattoo shirt – and I looked it up online, I was sure I had seen fake tattoo shirts in the past, and yes, they do sell shirts designed to look like tattoos – and he got one that has both a tiger and a dragon on it.

Those trigger images caused the people controlling me to COMPLETELY FREAK OUT. They are taking this as a ‘sign’ that I am supposed to go visit Curtis, that he misses me and wants to see me, that he sexually desires me, that he needs me, that he is doing things to get my attention, that he needs my help and my protection, that he doesn’t want me to find another guy on a dating website.

Meanwhile, in reality, there is little or nothing that I can do for him. I can’t keep him out of jail, I can’t make him stop using drugs, I can’t make him stop doing any other things that endanger him or that could put him in jail, and I am absolutely powerless to have any influence on him or even to set a good example. I am actually setting a BAD example for him because I live a life of constant misery and frustration. Who on earth would ever want to be like me? The only good thing about me as a role model is that I continue to choose life even in spite of living in constant misery. That is no small thing, but even so, it is a very depressing kind of role model.

So right now I’ve been trying to get a second job FOR MYSELF because it is URGENTLY NECESSARY and I am OUT OF MONEY while the car is about to break down. The engine is making a noise, and I know what it is, and I need to fix it before it breaks, and this is very important. I also need to fix the bumper.

I am living in Bellefonte even though I don’t really want to live in Bellefonte. It’s nice to be away from the auto pollution – the air pollution is slightly less bad out here – it’s not really severe in State College, but I was right next to a busy road where I used to live, and I smelled exhaust there. I don’t want to go back to living next to a busy road full of exhaust fumes, but I could live someplace else.

If my car breaks down, I have a long drive to work and would have to ride the bus, and also, should I even get into the story of my refrigerator and the thing that they won’t let me finish fixing, the problem that prevents me from using my refrigerator, so that I am forced to eat fast food all the time instead of the food that I want to eat? So I have to go out in my car to grab something to eat, for every single meal. Every meal that I eat is fast food, because there is a problem that ‘they’ won’t allow me to fix, at home, in my kitchen, and I cannot cook and I have to use a small fridge instead of the big one with the freezer. I do not WANT to live this way, I am doing it because the murderers will not allow me to fix the problem at home. It would be relatively easy to fix if I dedicated myself to a couple sessions of working on this problem.

To make a long story short, there is a sickening substance inside my refrigerator which gets into my food and will make me throw up if I put any food in there and eat it. And there are other problems, but they are all simple to fix, but I am physically, forcibly prevented from fixing them, and I am being forced by murderers to buy fast food for EVERY SINGLE MEAL instead of grocery shopping or cooking for myself, and THIS IS EXPENSIVE. Again, I need money for that, and I need a CAR so that I can DRIVE OUT TO GET FAST FOOD for EVERY SINGLE MEAL EVERY SINGLE DAY because of the murderers. If my car breaks down – WHEN my car breaks down – I will have to walk everywhere or take a bus, and Bellefonte is a small town without many restaurants. I will no longer be able to wake up in the morning and go downstairs and get in my car and go out to get coffee (I can’t make coffee here because the murderers won’t let me set up an at-home coffeemaker again) and food for breakfast.

I shouldn’t have to do all those things. I don’t talk about this very often, but it’s my whole life, and if I lose my car, then all of this will be disrupted and I will have to change the way I do everything, all of a sudden. I won’t be able to go out to eat for three meals, or more, every day, on impulse, every time I’m hungry, at the moment when I’m hungry. I will be stuck having to slowly walk everywhere or ride a bus. I will have to buy groceries instead of fast food for each and every meal. Fixing the fridge, so I can put groceries in there, will suddenly become a life-or-death urgent priority, and I will suddenly need pots and pans for cooking, but they haven’t allowed me to focus on the problem of finding and buying and testing pots and pans that won’t trigger my chemical sensitivity. The last time I bought a new pan, I had a bad reaction to the toxic Teflon and had to get rid of the pan. I have to choose pans made of special materials that won’t make me sick.

But they won’t allow me to focus my mind on activities like that. Instead it is ‘more entertaining’ to force me to obsess about men that I cannot have, like Curtis, or men who I cannot find, like finding someone on a dating website that I can stand to be with for five seconds without going crazy, while the murderers simultaneously prevent me from receiving any emails from people who I would actually LIKE. If anyone cool tries to email me, those emails are blocked. That might sound like a joke, but I sincerely believe they are doing that to me. They recognize ‘cool’ people – they know exactly who I would like. They know exactly what type I want, and if someone becomes fascinated with me or falls in love with me or has a special understanding with me and wants to join me in my life, they block that person’s emails and phone calls from ever reaching me, so it seems like I am all alone in the world when actually there are people out there who like me and support me.

I can hear the noise in my car more loudly than before. I heard it just today and it upset me. This was on an errand to go withdraw money, which left me with $200 in the bank – not enough to pay rent at the end of the month – and I had my window open while ordering fast food at a drive thru window, and I could hear the engine louder than ever. It changes when the temperature changes, and it was warm outside today. A while ago, one of my McDonald’s co-workers heard me driving up while she was sitting outside, and she told me, ‘Your bolts are squealing.’ I misheard her – she had actually said ‘belts,’ not ‘bolts,’ but I went a long time thinking it was ‘bolts.’ She told me she knew a lot about cars and that she might be able to fix it if she had time, but we never got to it and I forgot about it.

My engine is indeed making a squealing noise. I tried to tell the mechanic that a co-worker had told me my bolts were squealing, and, understandably, he didn’t know what that meant either. That was when I went to the mechanic for something else, like an oil change or something. So then, a while later, I saw something in the magazine that my car insurance company sends me, and it had a list of serious problems that ought to be fixed before they cause even bigger problems, and ‘squealing BELTS’ was what they said. I recognized this and recognized that it was ‘belts’ not ‘bolts.’ If your belts are squealing then it will cause severe damage and totally destroy your engine. But you can quickly and easily fix the belts before that happens, and it’s much cheaper to fix it before it happens. I NEED TO FOCUS MY MIND ON DOING THIS INSTEAD OF GOING TO DATING WEBSITES OR STALKING CURTIS. If I don’t focus on this NOW, my car will soon break down, I don’t know exactly when it will happen, but IT WILL HAPPEN SOMEDAY. I have no money saved and I will have to take a bunch of money from my parents. There have been many, many times in the past when I have known exactly what was going to happen in the future, but the murderers would not let me prepare for it and take action to prevent it – instead, they acted like they didn’t care or like they WANTED it to happen.

THE MURDERERS aren’t bothered by my taking money from my parents. They LIKE the idea of me taking money from my parents, and they have often URGED me to DELIBERATELY take money from them in the past. They act like this is a ‘free ride’ and I should take it easy and be happy about it, because my parents are suckers who will give away lots of free money to their worthless daughter who can’t take care of herself. The murderers would like it if I just quit work and took infinite money from my parents forever instead of getting a job. At the same time, they would torture me ruthlessly whenever I lost jobs in the past, when I was totally unemployed for many months taking money from my parents. They simultaneously tell me that being unemployed and taking money is a good thing to do and a bad thing to do, while simultaneously attacking me so badly that my mind cannot rest enough to PREPARE FOR ACTION, which is what I am doing when I meditate and I motivate myself and I prepare to do what I need to do, which is the moment when they zap me and stop all of my thinking processes.

‘Hate’ isn’t a strong enough word to describe what I feel about them. Again, this is the same spirit as the spirit of Guantanamo. When I read about former Guantanamo prisoners, I can actually relate to their experiences. Many of my nightmares have been about things that happened at Guantanamo – not so much recently, but years ago – nightmares about being forced to stick my hands into a bucket full of urine and feces and vomit and toilet paper, and that kind of thing.

So that is why, whatever is going on in Curtis’s life right now, I am not going to take his tiger-and-dragon shirt, or his other stuff that he did online, as a ‘cry for help’ and as a sign that he ‘wants me to be part of his life again’ or he ‘wants me to come visit him.’ I do not want to go be near him and suffer the pain of being unable to express my feelings for him. I want to stay away from that. HE IS *NOT* CALLING OUT TO *ME* AND WHATEVER HE IS DOING, IT IS NOT DIRECTED AT ME AND IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ME AND I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER IT AND NO CONNECTION TO IT. I do not want to be forced by murderers to obsess over him when THERE IS NOTHING I CAN DO, and I have my own urgent emergencies that I have to deal with RIGHT NOW.

here they compare working at meetup to working at google

February 14, 2011

Again, I really liked this page, I just couldn’t load the whole thing, like all the other pages.

I will have to be patient with them. They say they only have 78 employees and they are a non-public company. I *might* *possibly* use meetup to do what I want to do…. but I won’t be able to easily do this at home on my own computer if their site won’t work. I don’t know if they have a mobile version – I doubt it. – too bulky

February 14, 2011

I’m enjoying looking at their website, however, it fails horribly at this criteria: a light, fast, simple, basic website that loads quickly on dialup on computers using an old browser. Other than that, I like them so far. They are an extremely slow loading page and I suspect they would load very slowly even if I was on cable internet. The page also started malfunctioning and almost locked up the browser, so I had to turn all the pages to ‘author mode’ in Opera and I had to use the firewall to make it stop downloading whatever it was downloading. Whatever it was, it kept on trying and trying and trying to give something to my computer even after I shut the firewall. This is a major annoyance. I don’t want to use any website that behaves like that. Everything about it looks really cool too. I like their concept of ‘using the internet to get off the internet’ and their focus on getting real things done in the real world. I will have to look at them on another computer where the bulky badly designed website isn’t as much of a problem. Nobody else will see it as a problem because most other people are using cable internet and new browsers. But it bothers ME.

Also, they are indeed a paid, for-profit company. I don’t mind companies being for profit – that’s not the problem. I just don’t like ‘companies’ that are ‘for profit’ in today’s world, in American society, under this government, with these laws, that require you to meet specific definitions of ‘what is profit?’ I disagree with their definitions. They believe that you are still profiting even though you are millions of dollars in debt. I want a company that does not use debt. It can make profit, but it might not be ‘profit’ in quite the way that most companies view it nowadays. It won’t be ‘borrow a hundred million dollars and build something huge with it and hire lots of expensive programmers to make something that should have been done using plain text,’ and all that. I am already very annoyed that I cannot just easily view this website on my computer – that’s the first, and biggest, turnoff for me. That already has made me distrust the whole company. Whatever I like about them, I will always know that something, somewhere, is terribly wrong, because they have a huge, bulky, weird website that won’t function on my computer. Do you think I’m joking? I’m dead serious. If the website is huge and bulky and malfunctioning, then that curses the entire company, in my mind. Whatever it was doing to my computer, I could hardly even stop it by putting up the firewall. I don’t like that. I want PLAIN TEXT. What part of ‘PLAIN TEXT’ and ‘DIALUP’ (or ‘MOBILE ACCESSIBLE’) don’t you understand?