Archive for August, 2017

Sjw residues not washed off yet; skipping ahead to fantasies of intentional community when I’ve barely even taken the first step

August 30, 2017

I do tend to obsess much more about the intentional community when I’m under the influence of any drugs. I didn’t take any more sjw. It’s on my skin and I can’t shower daily or do the laundry. I also keep testing almost positive, or “somewhat not negative,” for THC, even though I don’t smoke marijuana, every time I get my random drug tests at work. So it is either on my belongings, or in the air at my workplace. The test has a line that goes across, and my line is always weird, like halfway across or something.

Today because of sjw I am obsessively thinking of the Anaya community. I was lying in bed after waking up. I do get mind controlled. But, Anaya teaches its people about mind control and they build shields and use natural shielding methods like going underground.

It’s much easier to fall in love in the community because all people are more beautiful, the most beautiful people on earth. Having children is encouraged and totally supported by the entire design of the community – you aren’t forced to work as a slave away from your children, and yet, having children doesn’t mean you never get an education. You still have more education, and adults are educated over their lifetime. The only reason education stops in adulthood is because you waste all your time as a slave.

I also intend to use socionics as a tool in the groupings of people (with one reservation: I want an EEG machine to type people’s brainwaves). My experience with socionics has me completely convinced that people would benefit greatly if they were surrounded by their quadra. They would be free to go elsewhere, but the group home, the apartment building, the housing section, the designated area where your group of huts is located, whatever form it takes, it contains your quadra, enabling people to meet soulmates much much earlier in life. It also makes them replaceable, so they can’t shun.

I do not like people who insist that it is surely mercury, and only mercury, in vaccines, that causes autism

August 29, 2017

I just saw something random in one of my twitter news feeds in the email I get from them. Some random person said ‘mercury triggered the age of autism.’ That is not necessarily true. There is *something* in vaccines, but it could be anything, it could be the mercury, it could be the germs themselves, it could be the drugs people are using to treat the fevers after the shots – which drug was it, Tylenol? When we talk too much about mercury, that takes the blame away from the drug companies, and is a red herring. So many people are able to say, ‘But there’s so little mercury, and/or no mercury at all, blah blah.’ And mercury is ‘anonymous.’ Mercury is a substance which is ‘nobody’s fault.’ Mercury is just inherently poisonous. But a drug, made by a drug company, Tylenol – now *that* has *blame* associated with it. There are many different factors that could potentially be the cause of autism, and I think it’s most likely a cluster of factors, including poor nutrition, and Tylenol for fevers after the shots. Mercury might not be the *only* thing or even the most important thing. I’m not saying the mercury is good for you, but I’m saying it might not be the cause of the autism epidemic. And also, drugs during pregnancy is probably strongly associated with it. My African-American friend, Valencia, from college, had two kids who were *both* autistic, and she was on a whole bunch of drugs during the entire pregnancy, for blood pressure and for back pain, among other things. Being black also increases the chances, and she had a horrible diet, and is getting absolutely no vitamin D at all if she’s black. So it’s several things, not just one thing. But I don’t like people pointing the finger at *only* mercury and not mentioning Tylenol, or other drugs during pregnancy.

Yes, that is duct tape over my webcam

August 29, 2017

I do sometimes use the webcam, very rarely, on purpose, so the duct tape has some paper underneath it so that the sticky glue doesn’t get all over the camera. But 99% of the time, the webcam’s purpose is to let hackers and the NSA spy on me.

Then in the image you can see all the ‘critical alerts’ and other notifications about my computer. I’ve messed it up and haven’t been able to fix it, because I require a house, where I can let the computer-related objects sit in one place, so that I can use tools, like disks and thumb drives and stuff, to save the files on. I need to do a major backup and everything. I have a million tons of irreplaceable garbage on here, including videos of my mother while she was still alive. So not all of it is garbage. Most of the stuff I have saved is thousands of text files that I’ve written blogs in.

I could go to the Penn State salvage thing to try to find a computer, but that requires an errand.

This is my screen now

August 29, 2017

I bought new pants, and I need a new laptop

August 29, 2017

I didn’t want to wear the cat vomit pants. I hunted for all my pants and could only find one pair, which is covered in mud. It also doesn’t fit well. I realized I must have put all the others in storage. I have a couple pairs that have major holes in them, in the knees and crotch, and are unwearable, and I have those in the tent, but not the new ones. And all the new ones were the men’s pants I grabbed really quickly, which don’t fit well and have a giant crotch that sticks up, the ‘old man’s boner pants,’ which I would rather not wear.

I got some size 14 women’s pants. Size 14 is the biggest I have ever been, but I have never really gone farther than that. Some of the size 14 pants are just barely fitting around the waist. I’m really serious, my waist got fat and it hasn’t gotten thin again. This is *really* bothering me. It is going to take some kind of major effort, and I can’t exercise because my hip joints are totally destroyed. Swimming is the one and only exercise I have any hope of doing. Other than that, it will have to be totally diet, and decontamination.

I also need a laptop. This laptop got overheated one day when I set it on a stone table in front of Burger King in the midday sun in the summer. So, on the right side, the monitor image is messed up. I had to move my taskbar over to the left side of the screen, and have shrunk my browser over to the left side. I can’t use 1/3 of the screen on the right.

I need not just a new laptop, but a hacker laptop. It needs to be anonymous. I need multiple computers so that I can start off by hacking into my own computers, and then anonymously hacking into other computers. That computer will have to have nothing on it that I can’t afford to lose, because when you hack anything or download any hacker programs, you’re also likely to download viruses and things that aren’t what they say they are.

I have to go to work, but at least I have a few new pairs of barely-fitting size 14 pants. It really is a warning sign for me, when I’m at the biggest size I’ve ever worn, and can barely fit into them, because my waist is too fat.

I’m going to have a sewing machine in the RV. I really, really want to wear skirts and dresses. Everything for sale in all the stores is horrible and unwearable and made of awful fabrics.

not taking sjw again today, but should I talk about things that I only talk about while I’m on drugs?

August 29, 2017

My tunnel spider doesn’t look so good. I do love snakes, but I don’t love everything, and I don’t love spiders, except jumping spiders, which are friendly and never bite and have cute eyes that look at you and turn towards you.

But I’ve gotten used to the tunnel spider, which never goes anywhere, but sits in its tunnel, which is on the outside of the tent, above the screen under the rain fly. (“Rain fly” is a second layer that covers the top of the tent.) It’s outside, so I’m not scared of it. I’ve seen it there for weeks. Today it looks crumpled. It moves if you startle it, but its legs are all curled up like it’s dying. Maybe because it’s cold. But it’s been this cold before.

The white sky might be from the hurricane. Its clouds have probably spread all the way up here. I wonder if Corey Goode lives in the region being hit. Weather controllers move hurricanes.

The thing I never talk about except on drugs is the mandatory long hair for bald men. In my community bald men are welcome but they have to grow the remaining hair long like everyone else, and beards if they have a beard.

It will soon be too cold to do any work around the tent. This hurricane isn’t helping. Its white cloud cover makes it colder, and it might last for weeks.

I’m typing on my phone, so I’m still not online. The wifi doesn’t work properly at Fort Bellefonte either, but I might see if I can use the cable. I don’t know how that works. Or satellite. Other people use satellite for cable TV there, I think they said. I’ll figure it out. The wifi is being broadcast, but you can’t log on. I don’t mean that I’m there now. I’m at the tent. I’m waiting for the new sewer pipe to arrive.

I can’t even begin living in there if there are holes in the sewer pipe. I can’t finish flushing out the antifreeze. I can’t use the toilet. I might continue taking showers at the bathhouse, but I pee 20 times a night.

I found the dead mouse

August 29, 2017

I’m happy in theory if Jacob is eating wild mice. I want him to have a natural diet and to enjoy hunting. I don’t want him locked indoors bored and unable to eat healthy food.

However, I adore the little mice and I think they are absolutely the cutest, sweetest little things on earth. So in reality I don’t like to see Jacob killing them. He can do it, as long as I don’t see it happening. If he brings them into the tent I will try to help them get away.

Well, the mouse crawled in between my two sleeping bags. I have one bag inside the other. I unzipped the outer one and looked for the mouse. It was down at the bottom, totally dead. I’ve been moving around crushing it.

I just couldn’t find it when it ran away. Jacob was fighting to catch it, the mouse was wiggling around, I was holding a flashlight and trying to grab the mouse with one hand, and it got away, and there’s so much junk in here I couldn’t find it anywhere. I feel really horrible. I mean, I’ll get over it, but I am very not happy about this.

I found little snakes, two of them, yesterday, while moving a tarp around. They were garter snakes. I’ve touched garter snakes before and they gave me low blood pressure. I think they have a nonlethal venom on their skin, probably their own venom which they swallow, being excreted as waste. It isn’t coming from venom producing skin cells, probably. I touched one yesterday. It wasn’t moving much because it was cold, as a pool of rainwater was dumped on it as I moved the tarp. So I caught it easily and gently lifted it away. The other one was fast and I didn’t catch it. I absolutely love the adorable little snakes as well.

But, as before, I had very low blood pressure and felt like fainting as I walked after touching them. The garter snake venom went through my skin merely from touching them. I’m sure it’s real. It was exactly like last time I touched a garter snake.

sjw nightmares

August 29, 2017

I’m awake at 2:30 am, after having nightmare after nightmare, caused by taking St. John’s Wort. I don’t really remember what it was about. I think I was at the house in WV. It was dark. The lights wouldn’t come on. It was like Halloween. There were pumpkins carved and scarecrows, which was probably because I was reading about that in “Son” by Lois Lowry, when I struggled to read a book after hiding from the yellowjackets in real life. I was too tired to hold up a book.

In this dark house, something was approaching me as I tried to sleep, but I think l couldn’t really see it. It might have been a sort of white floating head in the darkness. I started shouting “No! No! Nooooo! Nooooooooo!” and woke up making noises. It’s risky for me to be shouting from nightmares while camping in the woods. People could find me.

Then after I woke up I had a perfectly clear vision from “them.” My eyes were closed and I saw it like a dream. An old man with glasses walked up to me on the path right below where I’m camping. I don’t know anyone with glasses. His face was perfectly clear and he had very short hair. He raised his fist and prepared to punch me in the face. “She rubbed me the wrong way so I blocked her,” someone said. “Oh no, there’s another one,” someone said. “But to do so in jest – he’s a virgin” – about Matthew assuming all the wrong things with regard to me and females in general, assuming we’re being sarcastic when we’re actually serious, about long hair in particular. They’ve been saying to me that he thought I was sarcastic.

Jacob brought a mouse in the tent. He did that that once before. I made him take it outside, before. He then crunched it which was disturbing to hear. Last night however we battled with the mouse as I tried to throw it outside and let it run away. It ran behind stuff in the tent and is still here now. I can’t find it in the dark. I expect it will die and then smell bad. I will look again in the morning.

I went to the enfp forum looking for heartless sociopaths and I wasn’t disappointed

August 28, 2017

So, I did get online yesterday just a little bit, and read the enfp facebook forum. One guy said that he’d been talking to a girl he met on a dating app, and after talking to her over some period of time (weeks? I don’t know) she complained about the fact that she had to initiate their chats, and he didn’t.

So he was all like, “Woe is me! I’m really busy and that’s why I don’t initiate chats. I think we’re gonna clash. What should I do?” The almost universal response was, “Drop the bitch like the plague-infested vermin she is, and run for your life! Bitches can’t be making demands about wanting us to initiate chats! How dare she!” Ghost the bitch! She demanded that you give her some attention, which reminded you what a worthless failure you are! We can’t be havin’ bitches remindin’ us what a failure we are! Drop her like a hot rock! (What’s a hot rock, anyway? Stolen goods?) Bitch is imperfect! We don’t tolerate no imperfections!

So anyway, I found what I was looking for. The universal solution to every relationship problem the enfp experiences, the universal reaction to the discovery of a human need or flaw in a person, is “Ghost the fucking bitch! She’s garbage!”

SJW is making me exhausted, as I predicted

August 28, 2017

I was able to get a little bit of work done around the tent. I had garbage that had to be put into bags. I kept getting attacked by yellow jackets. They’re really bad this year. Mild winters let too many yellowjackets survive. Severely cold winters are needed to kill them. I was able to go to the gas station to get some food and coffee, but that was all I could do. After bagging up some garbage, and walking to the gas station, I am totally exhausted. I’m so tired I can’t even read a book. But I can’t fall asleep because I’ve had tons of caffeine. The sjw always does this to me. It helped me a little because I actually did do some useful work around the tent. But that might be because it induces cytochrome p450 and it might be metabolizing my caffeine faster. I do more work when I’m totally caffeine free. So metabolizing caffeine might actually be the way sjw helps me. It’s a theory. My pants are now dirtier than ever because I kneeled down in either cat vomit or diarrhea, and wiped it off. This was while I was bagging up garbage.

Argh, worse than usual staring at long haired guys

August 27, 2017

I always do, to some extent, and was doing it more than usual the last couple days (pre-ovulation) but now after sjw it’s terrible

St. John’s Wort

August 27, 2017

I did go collect the plant. It was growing right on the path near me. I also nibbled a tiny bit of goldenrod. Goldenrod is nonlethal, but it isn’t really “edible” in the sense that you can freely eat as much as you want. It’s medicinal. I forget what it does, but I’ve nibbled it before and I did not drop dead. What I want to try is opium lettuce. I have seen a flower that looks like it, but didn’t verify that’s what it was for sure. I need to buy some field guides for trees and flowers once and for all. Mom has a book about invasive species and I need that as well. I want to distinguish between invasive and native plants, and on my land that I buy, I will plant as many natives as I can. This honeysuckle is invasive. The bushes in this park, the ones I’m hiding my tent inside of, which are like ten feet high, are all invasive. They completely cover everything. Why can’t we have blueberries here instead? That’s a future project. I will have my own blueberries and wild strawberries. I found wild strawberries, *real* ones, out by the airport, when I lived with the Youngs. I will also have American Plum trees, persimmons, pawpaws, serviceberries, and maybe I will try to learn how to use wild crabapples. They’re sour and astringent. I need to learn some of the more esoteric edible berries of Pennsylvania. … Anyway, I ate some SJW. I am eating social justice warriors. I felt happier immediately just while picking the plant.

well, I thought I got all the typos, but I didn’t catch then

August 27, 2017

I wrote “Then” instead of “than,” but i think it was autocorrect. I have to go to work today. I have so much to do aside from work but I can’t do it. I’m just waiting for the RV pipe to get delivered. My clothes are filthy. I could use the St. John’s Wort that I see flowering – I have wanted to – but the consequences are never what I want them to be. It will do nothing but cause fatigue and make me susceptible to mania, including contacting Matthew.

The horrifying piece of music is playing in my head again. When I mentioned it, “they” switched it to “I get knocked down, but I get up again…. pissin’ the night away…” The only music I’ve been able to tolerate playing in my head is Landon Pigg, but he was alas a few-hit-wonder.

I found out that apparently if you just refer to yourself merely as a “survivor” in the ENFP forum, somehow everyone knows you mean “sexual abuse survivor.” I refer to myself as a “survivor” in my twitter profile, but it refers to surviving everything in general, all the bad stuff.

I now have an extremely cynical reaction to any sort of “Woe Is Me” posts in the ENFP forum. I now interpret them all as “Poor little me, I’m a sociopath and I can’t be all-powerful and get away with doing every single thing I want to do, whenever I want to do it!” One lady was like, “I love everyone, but everyone hates me!” I’m like, uh-huh. Right. People probably hate you because you’re sociopathically manipulating everyone and somebody saw through your bullshit and refused to let you do every little thing you felt like doing. Any “woe is me” post triggers me to think, “What kind of stupid bullshit did you try to pull that made you deserve what you’re getting?” I no longer have sympathy for the woe of ENFPs. There are ESTJs complaining of being heartlessly discarded by INFJs too, although they often mistype them as INFPs.

continued – what I did yesterday

August 27, 2017

I had the rental car for a couple days. I went to the Grange Fair, then went to Home Depot, hoping they might have the parts I need right there. At Centre RV, the guy talked with me and showed me the book he could order it from. I told him I’d go back to him, but I actually went to Home Depot, then felt guilty. But they didn’t have the parts there in the store anyway. So I ordered them while I was at Home Depot, just because I was so exhausted by then that I couldn’t do anything more complicated that required more effort. I ran out of spoons, in chronic fatigue terms. It always happens. I wanted to cry and I wanted to take a nap.

But it’s hard to take a nap in the tent if I have to park the rental car somewhere and worry that it could get towed. So instead of napping, I went to see Baby Driver because a couple people said it was good. Well, it was good but I’m also sure he was an ISTJ. The movie made me feel violated and traumatized and more depressed.

After the movie, I went to a Weis parking lot and slept for many hours. I wanted to cry but could only cry a tiny bit. I finally left after 2:00 am. Then, I still didn’t go to the tent. I sat someplace using the wifi. Then I dropped off the car at Enterprise and took a taxi home.

The exhaust smelled like actual exhaust this time. Last time, in the Fusion, it was a sweet smell like the gases of a Greyhound Bus, which do the same thing, make me deathly nauseated and dizzy immediately. It’s like a poisonous gas other then just exhaust. The Nissan yesterday was nowhere near like that at all. I had exhaust coming into my old Honda Civic after I got rear ended. I don’t know if this results from accidents or what, but I’ve had it happen *mildly* before. The Ford Fusion was different. It was like merely being inside it you were being gassed with cyanide or something. And the smell is sweet.

I didn’t hate the Nissan like I hated the Ford. The nice thing about renting cars is, I get experience with many brands.

I’m not in the trailer yet

August 27, 2017

I ran around all over the place. I have this desperate urge to escape, to go somewhere very far away, or to do something fun. So after work the other night I just spontaneously headed towards Harrisburg. I felt this misery and depression, combined with feelings of futility and hopelessness. I didn’t get to Harrisburg, and it was late, and even though it wasn’t a Ford Fusion, it still would smell like exhaust *if* I turned the heater onto the “foot warming” direction. It didn’t smell like exhaust when I had the vents set on both upper and lower. It was only when it was set to lower. The exhaust made me tired. I figured out not to use that setting, but still, I got tired enough to stop.

Some horrifyingly bad piece of music is playing in my head, but I don’t know what it is and can’t google it.

So I turned around, and then pulled over and slept for a couple hours, then went home in the middle of the night.

I haven’t been able to do the laundry, and have no clean pants to wear to work. I’m wearing the same dirty pair of pants. I think they still have some poison ivy on them too.

I have this conflicting feeling of knowing that there is hope of improving my life if I get the trailer livable, versus feelings of futility. I have a desperate urge to just go fun places right now, even if that means I don’t get anything done. So I went to the Grange Fair, too, and walked around. I watched a little bit of a horse farm team pull, but I didn’t like the lack of “flow” in the performance. You had to pull the sled 20 feet, then switch to a different team of two horses. I wanted to watch horses running smoothly and continuously, not stopping and disconnecting the hitch after running for two seconds. But still I got to see horses.

I finally attempted to order the parts I need to fix the sewer pipe on the trailer. I can’t live in there till I wash out the antifreeze from the pipes, but it dumps directly on the grass because the outlet pipe is totally full of holes.

I’m at the moon colony and/or quidditch world cup right now

August 25, 2017

I thought of the quidditch world cup because of all the RVs that have parts that fold out to make it have more room. During a football game this place will be busy.

Donnie the maintenance guy told me that the Mad Hatter/Mad Scientist lives next door to me and is building robots. See? I told you this was Alpha Quadra! I’m flushing the pipes but it’s leaking right out the holes in the outlet line right now, so I basically just dumped antifreeze all over the grass, then stepped in it. I’m not thrilled but I expect to survive.

I’m about to go to Centre RV if I can find it again. I found it by accident during a wrong turn yesterday. I vaguely remember how to make that wrong turn again. The Mad Hatter has a wifi called The Black Perl, which I assume is his, and it’s from a programming language Perl, along with Pirates of the Caribbean, an Alpha Quadra movie.

I have the bath house for running water as of now. I showered there this morning.

Fixer-upper trailer

August 25, 2017

I have a trailer now, but my brain and my lifestyle haven’t adjusted to it yet. It is not yet livable for several reasons. First, they put antifreeze into the pipes because they were expecting it to sit over the winter without being used. So if you turn on any faucet, poisonous pink goo comes out. I’m gonna have to hook up the water and then flush it for a million years with the windows open. I think it creates a fume because I felt sick and dopey after being in there a while.

I also have to get an insulated hose for the water supply, and I have to put skirting around the base of the trailer. I have to get a better waste outlet pipe – the one attached now is flowing uphill and has holes broken in the plastic. I can’t wait to see what happens when an upward flowing tube clogs up and then starts spewing out the holes in the tube.

I also have a wasp nest under a window cover on the front. It’s a big window with an external metal flap that folds down. I started to open it yesterday, but somehow, based on experience, I anticipated a surprise under there, and I was right. I don’t want to use spray, not even natural peppermint spray, because it made me deathly ill when I sprayed it inside a tent once in the past. Natural peppermint is still a poison to humans when concentrated and inhaled.

I think there were a few more things to do. I wanted to get a door lock. It has a lock that locks from the inside but not the outside. What else…? Those are the main things. Then I’ll need to plan how I will drive back and forth to work, depending on the bus schedule.

Right now I’m just struggling to get up so I can return the car to Enterprise. I’m very tired, and took caffeine. I was so tired yesterday I couldn’t even go take a shower, even though I had opportunities. It would’ve been easy since I could drive, but I just spent a lot of time resting outside Sheetz using the internet.

The aging demographic = the depopulation program; the first baby steps of establishing my moon colony are being taken today!

August 24, 2017

I just went through Bellefonte in a rental car to go to the
campground. Every person I saw looked old. Maybe not *every* person. I am used to State College, where Penn State students are constantly running around. The huge contrast makes me aware of just how extremely serious the demographic change in our society is. There are *no* young people anywhere. Contrast that with Guatemala – the graph looks completely different. It’s all children and teenagers in Guatemala. There are these graphs with bars that represent how many people are in each age group. I can’t put a link to it because I forget where it is and don’t feel like looking it up again.

That is what Anaya is for. We don’t need to depopulate the planet, when there are infinity zillion other planets, moons, asteroids, and cubic miles of underground for us to live in. We need to focus our energy on getting ourselves into those new locations and colonizing them. Then we need to make it quick, easy, and efficient to move huge numbers of people and materials to those places. There is absolutely no need to reduce or slow down the human population growth. I agree with Julian Simon about this, although I don’t agree with him when he minimizes the harm done by things like DDT. I don’t agree with every single word he says, but I agree with the overall idea that there is no harm, but benefit, in raising the population – especially when the universe is unpopulated and we have *everywhere* to go to spread out.

My community is meant to give people a place where it is possible to give birth, when you can’t do that in the mainstream society. The depopulation program / nakrivich makes it impossible to live. You can’t even pay the bills for yourself to live, and can’t stay at home to raise the children. Anaya makes it so you can. That is the concept, that is the goal, of this intentional community.

In the real world I am doing ‘baby steps’ and went to go visit the RV I want to buy. I’m going to talk to the bank and get the money for them. Then, I will need to do the process of moving into it, while at the same time, moving my stuff out of the house in WV and into storage, so that Dad is able to move out when he wants to.

I’m overexcited, and also affected by various drug residues of all sorts – I am not clean at all. So my mood is manic. Not really manic, but just ‘willing to talk about Anaya.’ I’m not normally willing to talk about Anaya, because it’s so far in the future that it’s just 100% fantasy right now.

The depopulation program is something that most people wouldn’t recognize. They have made it so that it costs so much money merely to exist, and both parents have to leave the house to go to work, so it’s impossible to raise kids. Every force that could possibly be against you is against you. You aren’t on a farm, you can’t get healthy food, the education is terrible – every possible thing that could ruin your life is ruining it, so nobody ever has kids anymore, and meanwhile, on top of that, they are explicitly brainwashing people to not have kids – WHEN THERE IS A WHOLE UNIVERSE OUT THERE EMPTY AND WAITING TO BE COLONIZED. People cannot see the insane ridiculousness of this! Why can’t you even see that, even so much as the MOON, or Antarctica, can be colonized, or deep underground? There is so, so, so much left that we are able to do.

And that doesn’t mean it has to be toxic, polluting, high-tech, industrial, modern cities ruining all those places, either. It’s going to be low-tech primitive stuff that uses local materials in the most minimalistic way possible. We are not going to ‘ruin’ the moon, or the underground, or the undersea, or the asteroids and planets, and should not therefore be forbidden to go colonize them.

Even after reading Corey Goode and David Wilcock and all the disclosures, I really don’t give a shit about alleged reptilians on the moon. I don’t care if somebody is there telling me I’m not allowed to go live on the moon. They can go fuck themselves, whoever they are. I’m not afraid of them. I’m colonizing the moon and that’s final.

Tomorrow the money becomes available

August 23, 2017

I can’t buy anything today, but sometime tomorrow, the $4000 will be available. I don’t know what time. The bank doesn’t let you use money from deposited checks until they’re sure the money really exists.

It turns out that my socionic activators, EII-INFJ, are really good at designing or envisioning intentional communities. They’re able to say that something about society needs to be done differently and make a rule that would change it. I have already had encouragement from “them” about Anaya all this time; but I can get ideas from INFJs about what kinds of things should be done, even if I don’t do them all. Lois Lowry is a master of making imaginary communities, and so is JK Rowling. I bought The Giver books recently but haven’t read them all yet.

I might try to work on bagging up garbage today. I have lots of junk at my tent that needs to go to a dumpster. Taking it there is a difficult project that can only be done at night.

Tomorrow I’m renting a car and going to the RV campground. I might or might not actually buy the RV tomorrow depending on whether I’m able to get the money, but I think I will go there and talk to them first.

There were recently bomb threats in State College. “They” interpreted it to mean that my propane tank might explode. I dislike all petroleum – the fumes make me sick – so this is indeed an issue. It constantly releases carbon monoxide if it burns a pilot light. I don’t yet know what the propane will be doing and whether I can use electric stuff. I need solar panels and batteries and microturbines for the creek and a windmill and primitive tools and water pressure powered tools. I need everything. I suspect INFJ for “primadonna girl, all I ever wanted was the world.”

deposited checks; making life livable

August 22, 2017

(I just went to the bank and deposited the two checks. They are on hold for two days, so I can’t withdraw the money immediately.)

11:40 AM 8/22/2017

I contaminated the keyboard of my laptop, I think, when I was in WV handling all the contaminated belongings that I was moving. I seem to be having reactions when I use this.

I have a kind of mania now, after making the phone calls about the RV. I have this vision, but it’s not clear or specific. I want to make a systematic process for moving millions of people into a better lifestyle, but ‘better’ does not mean ‘bigger.’ It means it’s going to be cheap and easy, but it will also be healthy.

I want to move towards nontoxic building materials, but for the time being, for now, I’m going to accept the building materials that I am given, in the existing RVs. I know from research that anything with alternative building materials is more expensive either in terms of money or in terms of time and work involved.

I actually have to just perform my own steps to moving my own self into this RV first. But I am getting this feeling that this is so easy to do, why isn’t everyone doing this? Billions of people are suffering, and yet, it ought to be so easy to give them an easier, cheaper lifestyle.

I’m not going to bother trying to help the people who *want* to live in a McMansion and insist that it absolutely must be a McMansion and nothing else will do. I only want to help the people who just want a place to live and the freedom to do what they want, and be healthy, and not have to slave away 100 hours a week only to go deeper in debt.

I’m kind of sick at my stomach this morning and I am having digestive issues again. It might be a virus, Returning Student Syndrome. When all the students come back into town, they bring their foreign diseases with them. It happens anytime large numbers of people travel either into or out of this town.

I know this vision of helping billions of people is a manic idea – I don’t have the detailed series of steps to accomplishing the goal. Something is only real if it has a detailed series of steps leading to it. But I have a vision. It would require me to handle enormous magnitudes of money larger than any that I have ever handled before. I am capable of this because I have done some studies of bookkeeping and accounting over a period of quite a few years, and have learned about the world of finance, although not thoroughly, but enough to run a small business for sure, and as I learned to run a small business, I would then learn how to run a larger business.

Running a larger business with a global scope requires a system to be built, a method that works over a long distance, which can be implemented by faraway anonymous people.

I’m kind of sick, and I have to go to work at 3:00 today. I ought to try to eat something – it might make me feel better – but at the same time I don’t really want to. I had diarrhea this morning and just haven’t been feeling well for the last couple days.

I just really want to help other people, sincerely, in practical ways. There are so many people whose problems could be easily solved. Then there are other people who have unsolvable problems, who still need help. It’s possible to make their lives easier too even when their problems are unsolvable. I want to *see* that my actions are having an impact on people’s quality of life.

I get nothing out of just being a slave employee for businesses that exist. All these businesses that just want to sell some stuff to some people and make a profit – that’s not what I want. I want to *improve people’s lives*. I don’t see myself improving people’s lives much working at McDonald’s like I used to, selling chemical-filled factory farm foods. I don’t see myself improving people’s lives by selling packs of cigarettes and lottery tickets and chemical-filled bottles of Gatorade every day.

I understand that profit is necessary in order for the business owner to have extra money to invest in something else, either by investing into the business, or investing in some other venture. I don’t believe in merely quote ‘giving the money to charity,’ because charity-businesses usually don’t specialize in the particular type of activity that I want them to specialize in, or else they aren’t run the way I want them to be run. There are legal reasons why charities are the way they are – they’re not allowed to be controlled by a single indiividual with a vision, but rather, are required by law to be controlled by a group of people who might have conflicting visions of what this charity should do. I read about this in Diana Leafe Christian’s books about intentional communities.

Anyway, I know you have to make profits *somehow*, and selling garbage that people want is a way to make profit, even if you don’t value the thing you’re selling and don’t believe it’s good for anyone. Selling profitable garbage is a way to make profits that will be used elsewhere for other purposes, including purposes that oppose and undermine your very business that is making profit. I see nothing wrong with this and don’t see it as necessarily a conflict of interest.

For example, if you made millions of dollars selling cigarettes, it would still be possible to sincerely and genuinely use those profits to start a charity that helps people stop smoking, or not just a ‘charity’ but a public educational activity or process, something like that. This is not necessarily hypocritical or untrustworthy inherently, especially if the person who’s doing it isn’t depending on some fancy expensive lifestyle. If the person who’s doing this is living a very simple life, and you can tell that they aren’t depending on receving a million dollar salary so they can have lavish parties every day, then you know they won’t mind undermining their own cigarette sales with an educational campaign (or something – I’m just making that up as an example).

The *real* thing that would help end cigarette smoking is lifestyle change. People smoke partly because they have to pay so much money to live, so they have to work as a slave at a job all week long just to barely scrape by. Tobacco makes people much, much more effective slaves. So does meth. People become meth addicts partly so that they have the energy to work 120 hours a week at their slave jobs to pay their $10,000 monthly rent in the city.

The other thing that stops people from smoking is physical force, physical limitation. If you put people in an intentional community which is physically isolated in such a way that it’s extremely inconvenient to go buy cigarettes anywhere because they are a hundred miles away, and all your tenants aren’t earning an income because they are living off the land, so they don’t have any paper dollars that can be traded in exchange for cigarettes, that will effectively end smoking.

Making it illegal over a large area would help, like the towns where alcohol is illegal. But the intentional community can be the area where it is de facto illegal, even if you can’t get a law passed in the ‘real’ government. That’s why I like intentional communities. You have control over your own little local ‘laws.’ And people are free to leave, unlike with the real government, which they are forcibly stuck with and cannot leave.

My vision of an intentional community is different from that of many other intentional communities. I want mine to vastly increase in size. I want my members to have 20 children each. This is a population that will grow from the inside (having children) and from the outside (recruiting new members from the outside world).

Anaya is a transformative religion. It transforms ugliness into beauty and sickness into health. I cannot transform specific individual people who have already been permanently and irreversibly harmed by society, but I can transform the next generation that comes from these people. All the people who flow into Anaya will flow into the transformative process that continually makes the new generation healthier than the one that came from the outside world.

I’m not talking about perfectionizing people or ‘continuous
improvement’ necessarily as an end in itself. I’m not trying to build a super-race of omnipotent beings. My goal is to make them much better than the outside world makes them, to enable them to achieve their potential, to prevent harm being done which is typically done by society and which is totally preventable.

BUt I am not talking about ‘continuously getting better’ as an end in itself. I believe that is the judging function, not the perceiving function, and it is type-related. It puts an unnecessary pressure on people who do not want to continuously improve themselves, but instead, merely want to live. So in Anaya, the free will is of highest importance. To other people, free will is of lesser importance than ‘improvement,’ and so they use electronic weapons to try to force people to be morally good. There are churches and other groups of people doing this, guided by their delusional beliefs about reality – they have delusional beliefs that we will continue to exist after death and are going to be judged by God and will go to heaven or hell, or else that we will be reincarnated and we have to escape from the ‘cycle’ of reincarnation – as though living life over and over again as an end in itself is somehow a bad thing! As for me, I would love to experience all the variety that the universe offers, and I would love to be reincarnated over and over again – I don’t see that as a bad thing. Why would you want to ‘escape’ from the cycle of reincarnation, when there are so many infinite wonderful things to experience, although there are terrible things too?

So I have some conflicts with the spiritualism or mysticism of the DW/CG group. Anaya would have to be called ‘practicalism.’ Except it’s more than that. The sacred value of the free will is more than merely practical, it’s spirit and soul, in a meaningful way, not merely because it is of some practical value to have freedom. It is valued because we exist and we *want* to have our free will, because we care about it, physically and emotionally, from inside, from inside our experience of life. I value that experience of life and I value what people care about, what they are experiencing, even if it is ‘subjective.’ So I am not going to override their free will because it’s ‘practical’ to do so, or because I can achieve some goal by doing so.

Free will is seen as something so sacred and so valuable that it cannot be overridden for any reason. I’m not going to make all the millions of qualifications and stuff needed in order to explain that though, because we are still going to be eating meat, and we are still going to, for example, pick up a baby and carry it around by physical force when it isn’t able to walk. I’m mostly talking about the use of electronic weapons for mind control.

There was a girl – a black girl, I might add – in the ENFP group, who might not necessarily have been an ENFP, but could’ve been some other type or an INFJ – there are many different people participating in that group – there was a discussion where somebody asked, ‘Is it ever okay to gaslight someone if you have a good reason for doing so?’ or something to that effect. Can there ever be a good, excusable, morally good reason to gaslight someone? Can you gaslight someone as a means to an end, for a good purpose? (The overwhelming majority response in the forum was a horrified ‘absolutely no, never.’)

The word ‘gaslight’ sounds bad, but basically it means, to deceive them, trick them, manipulate their perception of reality, lie to them, in order to make them believe something false about reality. This is actually happening *ALL THE TIME* in the realm of religion, churches, and the spiritual community, where millions of people are being attacked with electronic weapons, having their reality manipulated, and being told it’s ‘for their own good.’

David Wilcock is one of them. I wonder what would happen if he were prevented from looking at anything that contains any numbers. He is being given feedback by means of meaningful number combinations, like 333, even when it’s buried inside another number. The mere presence of a repeating number is rewarding to him, and apparently he has been trained to see this over a period of years and years, and it is strongly burned into his brain. I know that’s not his fault, and I experience similar things, although not with numbers. The mind controllers train you to be able to perceive something, train you to understand what it means, by doing big, obvious demonstrations of it to you so that it’s so huge and so obvious that you absolutely can’t miss it.

So, for example, if they wanted to train you to be rewarded by repeating numbers, they would hack your computer so that something said 9999999999999, you know, something really big and obvious, and then make something really wonderful happen at the same time, using electronic weapons for mind control, to control all the people and all the puppets and all the physical objects to be in the right place at the right time. It would be so obvious, you just couldn’t not see it. Then they would do another obvious huge scripted event and force you to suddenly get the urge to glance at your computer at exactly the moment when they hacked it to show the number 7777777777777. It will be huge, ridiculous, obvious things like that. They will be so obvious that you absolutely know it cannot be an accident, and they will happen over and over again, all by means of electronic mind control and computer hacking.

These are the very same people who David Wilcock is perceiving to be his benevolent friends. I know how it is – when you’re being forciblly mind controlled, you have no choice about the murdering morons who are forcing you to endure their constant presence. You cannot escape from them, and so, with Stockholm Syndrome, you are *forced* to start liking some of the prison guards, forced to see them as nice people, simply because your brain is wired to see people as nice people and you just can’t help it.

But even so, it is still true that this is Stockholm Syndrome. It is not freedom. You do not freely choose to be friends with these soul murderers who are constantly controlling your mind. If you had your way, they would not be there. They would not be participating in every aspect of your life. They would not be shooting you with electronic weapons every second of every day to control every thought that you think, if you had a choice about it.

It is exactly the same as a pet, an animal. It doesn’t choose to live with its owner. The owners make it physically impossible for the animal to escape, then tell themselves that the animal ‘loves’ them. The animal is unable to go outside and hunt. It might be thousands of miles away from the climate that its body was designed for. It might be a fish in a fish tank. A fish in a tank cannot ‘love’ you freely. Remember that saying – if you love something, let it go. If it comes back, it was yours. If it doesn’t, it never was. If you release an animal, and it trusts you so much that it’s able to come visit you, even after it’s free, and you don’t cage it up again, and it’s outdoors feeding itself, and hunting, and surviving on its own, for years and years, and yet it still comes to visit you, then maybe it really does like you. It might like you only because you’re giving it food every time it visits. Foxes, for instance, which are wild and which are perfectly capable of taking care of themselves, will sometimes become ‘tame’ if they are visiting a house and someone is feeding them, and being nice enough to continue letting them run free instead of locking them in the house.

We don’t have a choice about being electronically mind controlled. We can’t escape from it. So these controllers are not our ‘friends,’ but they want to be. They want to see us as their beloved pets, and they want to fantasize that we love them as much as they love us.

The one girl in the forum said, ‘Oh, I was gaslighting somebody once, but it was for their own good! I didn’t know it was wrong! Poor little old me didn’t know any better! Don’t think I’m evil! Frownie frown! Teardrop! I’m all repentant now!’ She even said that the was trying to ‘raise people to a higher vibration’ – the jargon bullshit words being used in the spiritual community. Higher vibration.

(Yeah, I’ll give you a higher vibration. Higher vibration literally means to wake them up out of a sound sleep, thereby causing sleep deprivation and preventing them from healing their own mind and their own body, enabling them to be better slaves. Higher vibration is not necessarily a good thing. Higher does not mean better. Lower vibration is needed to relax and heal. They have this delusion that ‘higher’ is always ‘better.’ Sleep deprivation is the universal method of mind control, the most effective means of preventing people from using their own free will. And sleep deprivation is all about ‘higher vibration’ during a time of ‘lower vibration.’)

This is what I mean when I’m calling these people sociopaths. I don’t know for a fact that she was an ENFP, but she was an NF of some kind, maybe an INFJ. It doesn’t matter, what matters is that the Delta quadra in socionics has this reputation of being a perfect do-goody innocent quadra where no one ever does anything evil, and that is an incorrect perception of the Delta Quadra. They are perfectly capable of being horribly, sociopathically, murderously evil and insane lunatics. They might have their own particular style of how they do it, but nevertheless, they are doing it. We are not in some way ‘better than’ the Beta Quadra or the Gamma Quadra who get all the blame for all the horrible things in the world, in socionics.

Well, it’s almost 1:00, which means I have to start thinking about getting ready to go to work. I would like to deposit those checks so that the money will be ready for me to buy this RV with cash. I don’t know if they’ll take a cashier’s check, which is allegedly as good as cash. Is there such a thing as a $1000 dollar bill? Should I carry four of those with me over there?

I’ll try, maybe, to eat something. I do have some baby food left.