Archive for August, 2017


August 18, 2017

I didn’t write zeroes in the column saying how many items needed to be pulled (out of the freezer, etc). End of world! I also didn’t label a date on the items I pulled because I am 100% certain they will be gone in 24 hours.

Also, permanent orthodontic metal and filling poisoning

August 18, 2017

I still have embedded in the skin under my left wrist the nickel residue of ancient wristwatch buckles, when I haven’t worn a wristwatch in decades. When the cells encounter metal, they isolate it in little enclosed grains for the rest of eternity. I’ve never been the same since I got braces. Tooth removals also cause permanent nerve damage in the mouth. You should never pull teeth for any reason. Just leave them there. Maybe if they were full of metal all the way inside the root or something. Anyway, the wristwatch nickel poisoning still gets spontaneously triggered and starts itching, depending on other factors such as foods, drugs, or exposure to other metals. So I assume the inside of my entire digestive system is permanently lined with orthodontic braces metal.

constant nausea

August 18, 2017

If I were not emetophobic, I would have bulimia. Someone is observing my symptoms. I constantly eat food and drink coffee, or suck my tongue or wiggle the tongue in my mouth, to suppress the nausea. If I relax, which I am doing while someone observes, I really, really could vomit. I think I have gallstones and was going to try to get them out last year but abandoned the project. The plastic fillings also cause constant irritation, which makes the eye on my right side swell shut in some situations, like when I use ibuprofen. The right but not the left side of my face, jaw, and tonsils are swollen. There is a constant burning tingle in my mouth. I normally am forced to ignore all this because I can’t fix it. The air I breathe might also be poisonous. “They” are troubleshooting my nonstop cravings and nonstop pain. I also might have the wrong bacteria.

a millimeter thicker

August 18, 2017

I’m wearing a second pair of underwear with a menstrual pad because this is the second day of my period (very heavy usually) and I’m being cautious, and don’t have any more clean pants. Well, since I put on this second pair of underwear, not one but two male employees have accidentally tapped my butt while walking by. Their hands must be accustomed to being able to avoid touching my butt when it’s one millimeter thinner, and haven’t noticed that they are now within its space. They are not leaving much of a margin of error.

I love the organic baby food as a way to get vegetables while camping

August 18, 2017

This is actually a rant, even though I said “I love.” I bought a whole ton of jars of baby food. It wasn’t *horribly* expensive. I wish I could talk about this on my laptop because I have a lot to say and I used a caffeine pill. First, I’m frustrated at the lack of variety of plant families. The same six vegetables over and over. The same three fruits. For a lifetime. Green beans, spinach, and, omg, joy, I found one that actually has asparagus! But only one and I think it’s not organic. I love asparagus (shoutout to Eric who hated it and called it Spear Guts) and love it even more when it’s ground up into mush and I don’t have to be bothered with the trouble of chewing up all the strings and worrying about whether it’s tough or tender. I’m half joking. Anyway, apples, apples, in everything, and they’re not even Fuji apples, which come from Japan because only the Japanese are smart enough to invent an apple that is worth paying money for. Racist!

My phone is glitching again so I can’t finish this rant. Basically, where are the hundred million *other* edible plants, fruits, herbs, and leafy greens? There are *so many* it makes me want to cry. I’m frustrated by their stupidity, blindness, closed mindedness, lack of desire for variety. Every country, every continent, every US state has some unique edible species. But we get apples and green beans and corn. Not glass gem heirloom corn or even so much as multicolored Indian corn. Even in the world of corn there is more variety.

I reached the text message length limit before I finished that grammatical construction

August 18, 2017

Some weird sort of sentence-like thing just kind of wandered off there. I don’t want it to be interpreted as incoherence. I reached the text limit and had to stop. I was trying to say, with all the missions that I feel I have to accomplish, writing a completed song is actually one of the most plausible of all the missions. It requires very few resources, just some software and music-related tools. It can be done without playing an instrument, although I still want to play a violin or similar instrument.

it’s sending other texts but not that particular one

August 18, 2017

I even copied and pasted the text into a new message and it still won’t send, and I’ve restarted the phone. I get a message saying “currently unable to download” even though I’m *sending*.

18 August, 2017 11:58

August 18, 2017

Is this other phone able to send?

my phone is trying to do something I don’t want it to do, but I don’t know what

August 18, 2017

it’s refusing to send these blog texts and acting like it wants to download something, but I don’t have data minutes. It’s like it’s trying to download data when the phone shows the 4G icon flashing when it changes the text message into an email message.

I’m on caffeine today

August 18, 2017

I withdrew yesterday but am back on it today. This is not a real withdrawal. It was enough to cause a headache. I don’t have any coffee paraphernalia at the tent right now – it would be that instant espresso in the yellow jar, organic brown sugar or that crunchy non-organic turbinado sugar that I wish was organic, more bottled water than I have now, a spoon, and something to mix it in, and a bag for all this paraphernalia to be in together. I have none of that, so it’s caffeine pills instead.

The new drug contamination – a different one – came from being hugged by a lady who is a customer at MM. She is totally on drugs, I don’t know for what – she’s an annoying person and everyone dreads the sight of her. No one wants to deal with her. I endured a long conversation where she incoherently told me some story about a friend of hers being in legal trouble, when I lived at the apartment. She moved in to that same building.

So she is totally on psych meds. She would need to taper down gradually while under strict supervision, and then she would need to decontaminate her physical belongings and clothes, because whatever this psych drug is, it is a strong contaminant and it is transdermal. She gave me a hug the other day and I’ve been incoherently babbling ever since.

It made me lose my short term memory. I would be about to go run errands, but would have forgotten several important goals I was trying to achieve. It seems to particularly focus on destroying goal-oriented behavior. I could even figure out what drug it is if I knew which one is associated with the neurotransmitter for goal directed behavior.

I do sort of want to use St. john’s Wort again because it helped me write music. With all the unfinished missions I have writing a *completed* song which is able to be “published” – good enough audio quality to put on a CD or other medium and give it away for free. Let it be copied and distributed in that underground where souls are shared.

the coffee withdrawal was the worst

August 17, 2017

I did finally eat some food – a cheeseburger and some fried
cauliflower, inspired by a customer who ordered something similar. I had a very small fraction of a cup of coffee. I’ve been using caffeine pills every day, plus several cups of coffee and bottled coffee and canned coffee, so cutting back on coffee even for a few hours triggered a major craving. I’m still craving it, with the ‘sucking tongue’ thing going on – even though I’ve been drinking plenty of water, it’s as if I’m still thirsty, permanently.

So I am not really experiencing the hunger yet, and don’t know the exact symptoms aside from the caffeine withdrawal. I will notice it over the next few days as I cut back on coffee as much as I can, while doing ‘fasting’ that consists of resisting the desire to eat for several hours – for starters. I really shouldn’t fast from such a lousy nutritional state that I’m in now. But food itself destroys some nutrition, by absorbing it or binding or something – I’ve forgotten. As in, it costs nutrients to process food.

Ate something

August 17, 2017

The sucking sensation progressed down to the inside of my throat. It became painful. I ate a plain hot dog with nothing on it. I also had no caffeine today either, so I’m in caffeine withdrawal. Ibuprofen makes my stomach sick, so that is contributing. This might be less painful if I’m not on a drug that might interfere with blood sugar. But the caffeine withdrawal is also going on, making this much worse.

This is already difficult

August 17, 2017

I’ve actually eaten several things today, just not any full meals, and I’m already constantly sucking my tongue and looking at every item of food I pass by. I merely reduced my food intake for a few hours.

I did not *get fast* damn typos

August 17, 2017

I can’t get online – my phone data is used up for real now. I tried to say I “got fat.”

intermittent fasting

August 17, 2017

I started my period today, so I’m eating bites of food to help me swallow the ibuprofen. But this morning finally “they” suggested I try fasting experimentally to see if it has any effect at all on the belly fat that won’t go away, which I’ve had for a year now. I have a photo taken just before I got fast last summer. It really was dramatically flatter.

So today doesn’t count because I’m eating ibuprofen, but it will start tomorrow. I’m drinking plenty of water and have no interest in avoiding water. My friend Kat fasted during Ramadan – she is a white European/ Russian who adopted the Muslim religion. She stopped smoking and caffeine during Ramadan too, which is a great achievement. She continued to be a nonsmoker for at least a while after Ramadan. I haven’t asked if she still is.

I don’t know how long I will fast. It depends on how I feel. I know I always feel extremely good the day after a stomach virus with vomiting, and it might be from lack of “food poisoning,” that is the chronic toxins I can’t metabolize.

I started a process of getting money from the bank, but it isn’t a regular loan. Still, it’s helpful and I might use it. One thing is just a credit card, and the other is hard to explain but it doesn’t matter. I’m waiting for the life insurance check too.

fighting a battle

August 16, 2017

It will be like this until I finish the decon. I am fighting this super intense urge to contact Matthew. I have been through this all before, so many times, but it makes no difference. I reread the horrible things he kept saying to me when he was briefly answering me and I *still* cannot make the urge to contact him go away. I already know exactly what he will say and do! The same things he says and does every time! The same things THEY ALL say and do every time!

took a shower at the YMCA

August 15, 2017

I feel much better after going to the YMCA and showering. I really appreciate the YMCA, but sometimes wonder if it doesn’t lead to an underground pedophile sex slave facility. I really, really love the YMCA and would be very annoyed if that were the case. I would like to build something similar to the Y but without weightlifting machines. I believe weightlifting is bad for you, especially on machines. Outdoor work that involves lifting heavy objects is a better thing to do.

Trying to get out of bed; talked to a compulsive liar yesterday

August 15, 2017

The compulsive liar is this guy who is either homeless or staying at the hotel, who claims he and his wife are moving here and she’s looking for a job, and she hasn’t moved here yet. After talking to this guy for a while I don’t know how much of any part of his story is true. At first he seemed like just a kind of annoying guy who was friendly but never stopped talking, but then, when we got to the part about how he had wrestled a bear in a circus (haha) and the bear had turned on its handler and killed him immediately afterwards, I assume in front of the audience, and that this incident had led to that circus not doing any more animal performances (while I myself had responded that it was cruel to the animals to have them performing in a circus), lol, that’s when I started to get the first hints of doubt that maybe not every word was true.

Then he said that the Penn State grads had been going down the street in a huge mass, dressed in their gowns, and he himself had shouted "WE ARE…" and they screamed "PENN STATE!" and the whole crowd of people threw their caps in the air at that moment even though they weren’t in the right location – usually they only do that at the moment when they’re at the ceremony. So basically this guy claimed to have triggered a mass expression of emotion in a big crowd of students. ‘They did it because *I* said "We are…" ‘ So I doubted that story happened in exactly the way it was told, even though bits of it might be true.

It’s 2:40 and I’m unable to get out of bed, but I have to do tasks pertaining to getting an RV. I might get up later in the day after it’s no longer possible to go to either the bank or the UPS store. I still have to get a couple groceries, and I’ll be able to do that, and I have to wash my hair.

I have drug residues probably on my black hoodie. I still to this day don’t like referring to it as a hoodie. It’s a "sweatshirt." Anyway, the hoodie is contaminated and so I’m still having reactions.

The benefit of these reactions is, this is a nootropic drug, which had been my intention originally when I was handling ephedra and whatever other herbs I had. It makes me able to focus on financial topics, and so I am once again doing these simple free online youtube lessons about how to do value investing like Warren Buffett. I started those videos and never finished them, a year or two ago.

I already did a Schaum’s Outline of bookkeeping and accounting, so I am familiar with things like the income statement and balance sheet, although I never got to the cash flow statement – *everyone* who teaches anything having to do with bookkeeping always postpones teaching about the cash flow statement, as apparently it’s harder and more advanced.

I burned out my brain talking to the lady about a loan yesterday, but at least now I have some idea of what I am able to do. I have to go back to see her again, which I would’ve wanted to do today, but I know I will never get there on time before it closes. I’m going to brush my hair and that takes a while – it wasn’t braided and right now it has no conditioner on it.

Baby steps…. Yes I want to own a piece of land. Yes I want that land to be cheap, and WV land is fine because I have no plans of running industrial size agricultural machines on it, so it can be as hilly and irregular and covered with trees as it wants to be. But first I’m trying this, the RV.

I hate the brainwashers controlling David Wilcock. They tell him things like he himself authorized attacks to be done to him, and also that he’s experiencing karma as a result of resembling a reincarnation of that guy. I believe these interpretations are evil because they blame the victim and fail to acknowledge the phenomenon of powerlessness. But I won’t get into it right now.

Another topic: people gaslighting (lying, manipulating, tricking, hidig, creating a misleading view of reality) in order to make someone a better person. Churches are doing this, and people in the new age movement are doing it, and mind controllers are doing it, and it is ABSOLUTE EVIL. Again, I won’t get into this. Suffice it to say, David Wilcock is being mind controlled so tightly on such a short leash that he isn’t allowed to think a single imperfect thought. I experienced that while reading Nathaniel Branden’s self esteem books *after* Judith Swack and the mind control attacks that started in 2003, but not before. I was capable in the past of reading those books without experiencing a micromanaging perfectionistic mind controller JUDGING CONSTANTLY every single thought I was thinking. It stopped because I fought back against them and also stopped reading the books. It doesn’t mean that I don’t want to improve myself – I *absolutely* do, but if I try, the murdering morons want to micromanage the exact details of *how* I improve myself, not letting me control and operate my own mind.

The caffeine pill isn’t helping enough…. but I will try to brush my hair and get ready to go wash it.

I put that in quotes, but the quotes were removed

August 14, 2017

I didn’t get to finish explaining. That was something the voices said. Apparently I got interrupted and had to post that, and not only that, the quotes were removed from the title. I think I sent it from a text message, and apparently it doesn’t allow quotes when I use the brackets to put the title in. The voices said ‘Don’t worry, Matthew’s on his way,’ which is a taunting delusion that they are giving me.

Don’t worry, Matthew’s on his way.

August 14, 2017

“They” are encouraging the delusion. I find myself looking out the window at work, looking for him, because students are coming back. 😦 He specifically told me he was *not* going to grad school here at Penn State. I’m going to be disappointed because I can’t help believing he will actually be here.