Archive for October, 2012

This stupid hurricane ruined my weekend!

October 31, 2012

I’m sick of hurricanes and I never want to see another one again!

I didn’t get any of the high winds that they thought we were going to get. Only the people on the coastline had the high winds. The hurricane just died, but it left all these horrible clouds and endless rain, and it’s still here, still vaguely spinning in a counterclockwise motion, but weaker and weaker. This horrible rain and these clouds just won’t stop. I didn’t get ANYTHING done this weekend because of this. I have so much to do!

Hurricane Sandy feels like no big deal so far….

October 29, 2012

But then again, it’s only just coming onto the coast right now. I didn’t think that the actual hurricane itself was going to come on the land. I thought they were wrong. I thought it was just going to drift eastwards out to sea. But no, IT IS COMING DIRECTLY TOWARDS ME. It is coming straight into Pennsylvania and New York just like they said it would, and I swear that the eye of it is going to pass directly over me. I wonder what it feels like to look through the eye of a hurricane. Is it clear blue sky, with rainbows?

I’m not getting any instinctive urges to run away or hide. It just feels like an endless white ceiling of stratus clouds and cold, miserable, endless rain, that’s all. It doesn’t scare me the way a thunderstorm does. I can actually feel the electricity in the thunderstorms, and it terrifies me. But this feels like nothing. It just feels like miserable boring rain. My instincts have no premonition of any kind about it at all. It’s too huge for me to comprehend. I can’t even understand that these endless white stratus clouds are part of a huge, swirling whirlpool in the global atmosphere. I can only understand it when I see it on the map, and if I hadn’t seen it on the map, I’d have never believed that this awful miserable endless rain was anything special.

I could get on my bike and just head southwest, or something. I might make it far enough to get out of the way, maybe, in a couple hours. Riding my bike to escape from a hurricane sounds like a cool idea. But I’m going to just stay here and wait it out. I’m in town, not up on the mountain. They say it will be very windy. But will the eye go right over us?

I couldn’t save it as a gif cartoon playing, so I just saved one image after another from the radar-satellite page of the weather. Click it to look closer. This shows the hurricane crashing into the coast right now.

‘Soy adhesion flakes’ for new lower release sheets on grills at McDonald’s might not be safe to use

October 28, 2012

(*Edit: 11/12/12 I found out that two people were using the flakes improperly, and someone told them how to use them correctly. These people were putting the soy flakes ON TOP OF the teflons! They didn’t understand that the soy flakes were meant to be used as ‘glue’ to make the teflons stick to the grill. I guess they thought that it was meant to help grease the teflons or something, I don’t know. But someone corrected them, and they are no longer putting the soy flakes on top of the teflons. However, I haven’t changed my mind – I think that the soy flakes are not safe for use even if they are being used properly.)

(Also, many people are being burned by grease splashing off the grill, and several people have already found this blog post by googling questions about burns from the lower release sheets. I don’t know what will happen in the long run, whether or not they will decide to stop using the lower teflons because of people getting burned, or what. The grease pools in a deep puddle on the teflons, and it pops and splashes up into people’s faces or onto their skin elsewhere. For whatever reason, it only does this on the teflons, and it didn’t do it when it was directly on the grill surface, and I am not sure exactly why. Someone said it is because the teflon protects the grease from burning as much, so there is more grease left over.)

8:16 AM 10/28/2012

This could be another step in McDonald’s Corporation’s death spiral. The NewPOS computer system is part of that death spiral. McDonald’s is doing things that are really stupid, and then ignoring complaints from employees who hate what they are doing. Now, they’ve done something else, but few people, if anyone, know what harmful consequences have come from this. Even I am not absolutely certain yet, because I have not experienced the phenomenon enough times to be certain. But if it is true, then there will be almost nothing that I can safely eat from McDonald’s, which will make it very hard for me to work there every day unless I bring my own lunch.

I learned in nutrition class many years ago that particular types of rancid fats cause charlie horses, extremely painful muscle cramps, usually in the legs. Most people have no idea what causes them. I found this fact to be so interesting that I remembered it forever and observed it every time it happened to me. I almost always could correlate it with my eating the particular types of rancid fats that my teacher was talking about. For instance, if you eat a bunch of old french fries that have been sitting there under the heat light for too long, you are very likely to get charlie horses a few hours later. The vegetable oil on the french fries oxidizes when it sits out in the air on the french fries for too long. If you eat an old expired dry food product from a package that has been sitting on the shelf for years, it might happen, such as old cookies or crackers that have gone past the ‘Best Before’ date printed on the package. Those ‘Best Before’ dates on the packages actually mean something, and if you ignore them, you can feel the consequences.

But now for the past few days, I have been feeling sick and then getting charlie horses later, every time I eat anything from McDonald’s. I didn’t know what was causing it at first. I only started getting the charlie horses in my legs, and it was so severe that it made the muscle hurt all day long, as though the muscle had been damaged. Then I got the same charlie horse again the next day.

As always, I tried to correlate it with my having eaten something new and unusual. Did I try something new that I don’t usually eat? Did I eat old french fries? Did I eat something that was expired?

I hadn’t eaten any old french fries, but I had eaten something that was prepared in a new and unusual way.

McDonald’s recently gave us new teflons for our grills. This was a new innovation, and I actually like it in a lot of ways. We have a grill that closes like a clam shell, cooking the meat on the top and the bottom at the same time. The top part of the clamshell already had teflons on it. I don’t know when they started doing this, but it has been that way for many, many years. Now we have these new teflons on the bottom part of the grill as well. So the meat doesn’t stick to the grill, and the meat and grease don’t sit there burning on the grill anymore.

So I wondered if the teflon itself could be causing the problem, but I decided no, probably not, since we had already been using teflons on the top part of the clamshell for a long time.

But then I found out something about how the teflons are placed on the lower grill. There is no way to hook them on securely. They are just sitting there on the grill. If you’re not careful, you can push them around and they will slide out of place. What is holding them on? Something called ‘Soy Adhesion Flakes.’ I looked at this bottle. It contains some kind of powder made from hydrogenated soybean oil. You sprinkle this powder onto the grill, and then set the teflons (called the ‘lower release sheets’) down on top of the powder. These flakes of soybean oil hold the teflon in place. I think that any kind of oil or grease would work instead of soybean oil, and you could even put hamburger grease or beef tallow down on the grill instead.

The soybean oil must be working its way out from underneath the teflons, and going around the edges, and then getting up on top of the teflons where the food is cooked, and getting into the food. So now every time you eat a hamburger, you are also eating small amounts of hydrogenated soybean oil that have been sitting there oxidizing at hundreds of degrees for many hours. It probably contains trans fats, but I’m not sure about that. This will be what is causing your charlie horses after you eat at McDonald’s, if you aren’t eating french fries and yet you still are getting charlie horses over and over again every day.

I suspect that heart attacks are just one step beyond charlie horses. If you can get this painful muscle spasm in the muscle of your leg, what would happen if you got that same muscle spasm in the muscle of your heart?

The worst part about this is that I think McDonald’s will never figure out what is happening and will never recall these teflons. We will never stop using them. They are here to stay, forever, which means that I can no longer eat the foods that I had classified as ‘safe,’ the burgers. The burgers were the safest things that I could eat at McDonald’s. The fried products are more risky, more likely to have quality problems, because of the vegetable oils that they are cooked in. But the burgers had only animal fats in them, which are more stable and less likely to oxidize and become rancid. Beef fat is one of the most stable animal fats. And I have the fewest problems with bad taste whenever I eat the burgers – they are the least likely to taste like they are old and rancid and disgusting, out of all the foods. But now, I can’t even eat them when they are perfectly fresh!

I’m not *absolutely certain* about this yet, and I am going to continue making observations. If I keep getting charlie horses every day after eating foods that were cooked on the grill, then I will know. Charlie horses are not a normal thing. They are not just a ‘part of life.’ They are not just a meaningless little quirk. They have a specific cause, and they are not normal, and they should not happen, and you can identify the cause yourself by observing what you have eaten in the past 24 hours. You don’t need a double-blind placebo-controlled government-sponsored scientific study to figure this out. Primitive people figured out which foods made them sick by observing the sensations in their bodies after they ate, long before we had huge scientific institutions that could afford to do large scale studies that cost millions of dollars. They figured out which plants were medicinal drugs, long before we had doctors who could tell them that everything they experienced after taking a drug was merely ‘the placebo effect’ and that they should ignore their senses and listen to their doctors instead. And the primitive peoples’ reliance on their own senses gave them better results than we are getting from these scientific institutions – their bodies were healthier than ours, because they were eating healthier foods than we eat, healthier foods than we have created with all our science and chemistry.

I will continue watching and testing to see if I am getting muscle spasms every time I eat anything cooked on the grill. If this is true, it is going to be a huge inconvenience for me.

I know McDonald’s will not listen to me if I tell them what I am experiencing. They do not value one person’s sensory observations. And hardly anyone knows about this phenomenon of charlie horses being caused by eating rancid fats in the past 24 hours.

And there are some benefits to using these new teflons. Someone will argue that now, the meat isn’t burning on the grill, and supposedly, burned meat causes cancer. This news was released a few years ago – people said that they found out cancer could be caused by particular chemicals in burning meats. And I don’t know enough about this to be able to explain it, to be able to explain how often it causes cancer, or the circumstances under which it causes cancer or *doesn’t* cause cancer. I was never worried about it. And I don’t know much about it. And I never experienced it myself. I’ve been eating cooked meat all my life, and I don’t eat meat that has been burned black. Apparently, the small amounts of burned stuff that gets onto the burgers at McDonald’s must not be enough to be dangerous. Or, rather, the danger level is relatively low.

But if charlie horses are similar to heart attacks, then the danger is now high and immediate. And I don’t know for sure if charlie horses are similar to heart attacks or not. I only know that they seem to resemble them. Heart attacks are probably more complicated than I am imagining. However, I do know that charlie horses are a painful nuisance that I don’t want to have happening, and I would like to avoid them.

I’m adding this to my list of things that I’m starting to hate about McDonald’s. The NewPOS computer system is the other big thing on that list. I hate it when they change something and it has bad consequences and nobody cares how much you complain – you have to just ‘take it and like it.’

I suspect that McDonald’s is doing these stupid things because, maybe, they are losing large amounts of money on some huge financial investments. Maybe they are watching helplessly while these investments lose money. Whenever that happens to a corporation, the corporations usually respond by doing extremely stupid self-destructive things to themselves, forcing their employees to also watch helplessly, but then the corporation blames itself and says, ‘I did something stupid, and that’s what caused us to go bankrupt.’ They don’t understand that the financial system is so corrupt that it is not safe to ‘invest,’ quote unquote, whatever that means, in anything at all, but yet, the whole world considers it to be safe and normal to invest in these things. And they will have invested hundreds of millions of dollars into things that are going to just collapse and be destroyed, through no fault of their own except the fact that they trusted the financial system to be safe.

‘Income from investments.’ Corporations put part of their money into ‘investments’ such as stocks, and they are able to lose their money that way. I don’t know for sure if this is happening to McDonald’s, but it could be, and this is one of the reasons why large numbers of corporations can all collapse at the same time when something happens to the financial system. It all comes from borrowed money.

This is only a theory. I don’t know if they are losing money. I don’t know if they would be able to hide it, if they were losing money. I have heard rumors that their stock value is going down, but I don’t know if it still is or not. I only know that McDonald’s Corporation is having a symptom in its corporate culture, a bad symptom: doing things that its employees *hate*, and then ignoring their complaints and continuing to do whatever it is that they hate. This is a very, very bad way to run a corporation.

Cautious optimism is actually a great thing

October 24, 2012

2:30 PM 10/24/2012

I want to emphasize what ‘cautiously optimistic’ means. Cautiously optimistic is actually a huge big deal. Considering what I have lived through for the past several years, ‘cautiously optimistic’ means I am jumping up and down and cheering and screaming at the top of my lungs with joy (except not actually).

It’s different this time – I’ve been doing the work even without a vacation. I’ve been doing whatever is necessary to force myself to work on my weekends, things that I don’t like having to do, such as drinking several bottles of Coke when I wake up in the morning so that I will have the energy to work on something before going down the mountain to get food. I’m ‘cheating,’ in that respect.

I hate having to do things like that, but it works. I really, really want to rest on my weekends; I really, really want to quit caffeine now completely; I really, really want to get on a healthy diet. When I’m off caffeine, I don’t get as tired overall during my work week, and so I have more energy on the weekends, since I didn’t artificially give myself fake energy all week long to force myself to work faster. It’s true, I become terse, non-verbose, and I have little to say whenever I’m totally off caffeine (and also whenever I’m clean from drug residues), but I believe that is the way it should be, that is the way it must be, because in the long run my goal is to get pregnant, and I must not be using caffeine while pregnant. I must do whatever is necessary to prepare my body for that.

Anyway, I’ve been doing terrible things to make myself continue working even on my weekends, but the result is that I am doing a major decon even though I don’t have a vacation. The last time I got a vacation, the manager said that it would be a while before he could give me another one. This is football season, so we desperately need people working, because this is our busiest season. I know I cannot get a vacation right now. But I desperately have to do this no matter what, especially since winter is coming, and I want to buy thick clothes for the winter, and I don’t want to have to throw anything away because of contamination.

We had really good weather for the last couple days, too, like Indian Summer. It got so warm that we had a pseudo-thunderstorm. There wasn’t really any thunder – I don’t remember hearing any – but it kept raining on and off, and I was lying in my tent, and I could feel such intense, strong electrical fields coming from the clouds that I felt like I was going to die of a heart attack. It was absolutely terrifying. I feel those static electrical fields when there is a thunderstorm. Normally I feel them just before a lightning strike, but this time, there was no lightning. I was so scared of this mild thunderless rainstorm that I was tempted to go down the mountain to hide at the neighbor’s house, but I didn’t go. I only notice those electrical fields whenever I am lying down trying to sleep in my tent on the mountain, where I am at a high elevation and much, much closer to the clouds. Sometimes the clouds are so low that they nearly touch the top of the mountain.

When I am down in the valley, I don’t notice, or barely notice, the electricity just before a lightning strike, although I felt it once when I was at McDonald’s and it was a huge lightning bolt that struck very nearby – I felt it zapping me just before it happened. It’s partly because the clouds are farther away from me when I’m in the valley, and partly because I’m busy doing other things instead of lying down in bed, so I am distracted and don’t notice the sensations of the static electrical fields.

It terrifies me to imagine what it would be like to have a storm go over if I were at the TOP of the mountain when it happened. Being inside a static electrical field from a thunderstorm is an absolutely terrifying sensation. I just remembered, during this thunderless storm the other day, I actually heard a weird crackling noise in the air beside me, like someone was ripping a piece of plastic. It was very faint and quiet. And there was no lightning anywhere at all that I ever saw or heard, but that static was super-strong. I wish that I had some kind of electrical monitoring device so that I could show someone, ‘Look, the electrical field is increasing.’ I could prove that I am able to feel it – someone else could watch the device, while I would say, ‘I feel it now,’ or ‘Lightning is about to strike.’ I could document myself doing this, and have a witness.

Well, I have to get ready for work now. The point was that this decon is going very well, and I am doing it in spite of not having a vacation, and when I say that I am feeling cautiously optimistic about it, that is a huge big deal worthy of loud cheering and yelling. I can’t cheer and yell because I’m too traumatized by this and have had too many experiences of failure, over and over again, and so I can’t express any joy about it, only to fail again. But if I redefine my prediction, then I don’t feel as anxious about it. My redefined prediction is that this is going to be a successful INTERMEDIATE soil decon, which means that it will not be totally perfect or totally complete, but it will greatly reduce it, and I will be able to move onwards more easily from there.

Three tasks were done this weekend

October 24, 2012

10:40 PM 10/23/2012

I did three trash removal projects this weekend. First, I removed a bunch of cardboard boxes that were in the storage tent. I flattened them and put them into four trash bags. Then I carried them down the mountain and I put them into a dumpster that seems to belong to a house, which is probably an apartment building. I did that in the darkness. I carried the four packages down on my bike.

Then, during the day today, I took down the storage tent itself and put it into a bag. I put the tarp and a camouflage net into a bag too. I took those down on my bike during broad daylight, which means a lot of people saw me carrying big trash bags on my bike, while I walked beside the bike pushing it.

I hate it when people see me doing weird things and I can’t explain to them why I am doing this. I’m scared that people are going to start talking about me and that I might eventually get in trouble. People will notice that I am the lady who rides the bike, the lady who goes up the mountain in the middle of the night, the lady who isn’t living in a house, the lady who lives on the mountain, the homeless lady. They might think that I am dangerous or that I am doing something illegal.

Camping on the mountain is probably borderline illegal, but kind of not a big deal at the same time. There are other people who camp in other places, but only for one night at a time. But I am camping there for months and months, and people don’t like knowing that a homeless person is squatting in their neighborhood. They think homeless people might be thieves or murderers, or crazy people. I already am labeled as crazy, as it is.

Anyway, I took those trash bags to the dumpster at Sheetz, the gas station. But I felt embarrassed about that afterwards, because I think one of the managers might have seen me on the camera as I put the bags into the dumpster. I don’t want to do that too often. I don’t want to ‘abuse the privilege.’ People don’t like it when you put things in their dumpster, because they have to pay the fee to have the dumpster emptied, and if you fill it with more stuff, it has to be emptied more often, which costs money.

But I still was not done. I had some awkwardly shaped objects and tools still lying on the ground at the old camp site, the original site. I had an axe and a saw and a shovel and an icebox. All of them had been lying on the ground. I wanted to get rid of everything that had been touching soil that might have been contaminated.

This evening, in the dark, I wrapped up those objects in trash bags and I carried them down the mountain, walking. I called it ‘The Oddly Shaped Packages Project.’ I wanted to avoid being seen with these particular objects. These objects were awkward and scary and they seemed to imply some kind of guilt. Why would somebody be throwing away tools like a shovel and an axe and a saw and an icebox? Why would someone wrap them in trash bags to hide them? Maybe that person committed a murder and they were getting rid of the evidence. Those tools were just too guilty-looking, too strange, too weird and too scary. (I could just imagine how they would piece it together: I used the axe to kill someone, the saw to chop them into pieces, the icebox to put the body parts in so that I could eat them later, and the shovel to bury the remains.)

So I tried not to be seen, but a few people did see me with my oddly shaped packages as I walked down the hill to find yet another dumpster at a different apartment.

I put them into the dumpster, and they were covered in trash bags, and I hope nobody tries to salvage them. I don’t want people to salvage my contaminated belongings, because they will get contaminated, and they won’t understand what is happening to them. I know that other people in the world have gotten contaminated before and not known what was causing their symptoms. I suspect that the author of ‘Fight Club’ might possibly have been contaminated with ephedrine or some other chemical from a meth lab or something. In that movie, the character starts off complaining that, for some reason, he has been totally unable to sleep at all for several months. That is what ephedra contamination or meth lab contamination will do to you. The author said that this incident was based on his own real life, that this actually happened to him, and nobody could figure out why he was totally unable to sleep for several months. I feel sort of ashamed of mentioning Fight Club, because that movie is sort of evil. It’s associated with some things that I don’t like. Sometimes the voices in my head claim that they are part of ‘Project Mayhem’ like in that movie, where people were causing chaos and damage randomly just for fun. Zapping people with electronic weapons and destroying their lives, just for fun, seems a lot like Project Mayhem.

Anyway, I have heard of other stories where people had symptoms that resembled ephedra contamination, but they didn’t know what was causing their symptoms. And so I believe that other people would be harmed by my contaminated belongings if they tried to salvage them. I think they are harmful to everyone regardless of whether people believe in them or not. My dad’s blood pressure went up extremely high after he helped me move out of my contaminated apartment, after he was handling all my contaminated stuff, and his blood pressure was so high that he had to get on medication for it. Extremely high blood pressure is one of the symptoms caused by the contamination that was in my apartment. I myself had incidents of suddenly elevated blood pressure, and other heart problems, during the severe contamination.

So I did not want anyone to try to salvage those tools. I had a pretty severe reaction just from handling them and putting them into the bags and carrying them down the mountain. My reaction was severe enough that I was convinced I was doing the right thing by throwing them in the garbage and by hiding them in bags so that people wouldn’t see what they were and try to salvage them. It was good that I threw them away, even though I hate wasting things. I hate wasting things, but I hate poisoning myself and poisoning other people even more than that.

I did those three tasks this weekend. Everything that was up at my original camp site is now gone.

I have my new clean camp – the ‘intermediate’ camp – I have to refer to this as ‘intermediate’ rather than ‘final,’ because I am still at risk from soil contamination, but it will be greatly reduced.

And I am in the tent now, the temporary tent that I have been in since my vacation from work, and I’m going to get out of this tent and off this soil and onto new soil that hasn’t been walked on with contaminated shoes. I’ll get rid of this tent too. I hate this so much – you can’t imagine the huge waste of it all – it is enormously wasteful. But I must be safe. These residues are horrible, horrible. Even a very small risk must be avoided.

For some reason, I didn’t want to call that guy to help me haul out my garbage this time. I wanted to take the garbage down a little at a time instead of all at once in one big batch. I didn’t want to have lots of bags of garbage sitting around in the woods for a long time. Instead, I would put a few things into the garbage and then take it down as soon as possible. So I have been gradually taking this stuff down a little at a time over the past few weeks. I’ve been taking things down to various dumpsters on my bicycle.

This might not sound like progress. It is not progress, true. It is progress in disaster recovery, which is not the same as absolute progress. I am far, far behind where I should be in life, trying to recover from a disaster, trying to catch up with life, and I made progress in that recovery, but not actual progress in life.

1:15 PM 10/24/2012

This morning I started cleaning out the tent that I’m sleeping in. The old camp is now completely gone, but I will go walk around it and check to see if I’ve accidentally dropped anything up there. I do not want to pollute, so I am trying to pick up things like little pieces of plastic or anything else that won’t biodegrade. It makes me feel good knowing that that whole camp is dismantled and gone. It was just sitting there for months, all that stuff.

So today I started cleaning out the real garbage that is in my current tent. It is actual normal garbage, things like plastic bags, juice bottles, boxes that things came in when I bought them, etc – the types of things you normally throw away. I am going to take that stuff down now too, a little at a time, and I took a bag down with me today and put it in the garbage can (not the dumpster) at Sheetz.

I cannot get my hopes up that the contamination will be gone when I go to the Intermediate Soil Decon campsite. It will be extremely reduced, but I could still get more of it from other places, like the main hiking path. I don’t know how bad this will be, whether it will be so thin it’s undetectable, or whether it will cause a reaction. I can only try it, and then test it. I can’t get my hopes up, but I *am* getting my hopes up. I am excited about this. I have left behind more and more and more of my contaminated belongings, and sent them far away to the trash dumps, and now I am stepping off the contaminated soil where I spread around a lot of the residues.

Every time I do this, it gets easier, and I am getting more experienced. Every time I do it, I have less and less stuff to move. Every time, I go longer and longer without having any ‘outbreaks’ of drug residues, and when those outbreaks finally happen, they are getting milder and milder, and they no longer cause me to have manias that are as severe as they used to be. Whatever drug residue outbreaks do happen, they are so thin that they cause barely any symptoms. It is *nothing* compared to what I survived in the past, especially in the very beginning. That was so horrible that I cannot even believe it actually happened, back when it began. I had symptoms that were so terrifying, I went to the hospital several times to have my heart monitored because I thought I was going to die.

I am getting my hopes up about this particular decon. I feel that it will make a very big difference, but still I expect that I might encounter more residues on the ground in some places, just not close to my tent. I will still be careful about my shoes, and I will do more observing and testing.

However, even though I am only cautiously optimistic about this particular decon, even though I am still cautious, I know that in the long run I am going to succeed. This is finite, and it is getting thinner and thinner and going away. This is not infinite, and it is not imaginary, and the procedures that I am doing are effective. Yes, I hate it when I discover that a decon hasn’t been completely effective, or I didn’t have enough time to finish it and do a good job (for instance, during a vacation). I hate it when I discover that something expensive has been contaminated again, such as my bicycle. But nevertheless, it is gradually going away. It is finite and I am getting rid of it.

I hate this torture, I hate this hell, but it is going to end, for real. It is going to end soon. I have millions of things that I need to do after this is over.


October 23, 2012

I just uploaded a video. The audio quality is absolutely terrible. I commented underneath the video about all the things that I know are wrong with it. I was having a drug residue reaction and it was making me have the urge to do glossolalia. I’ve recorded myself doing that before, but I didn’t upload the video because there was some kind of problem, I forget what. This one is awful. The weird lighting and the blurry audio quality make it so that you don’t even have a chance to try to understand what I’m saying, and only certain letters stand out loudly, like ‘sh.’ I could do this again someday with better audio quality. This was just a whim. I don’t know what language I am imitating, but it is probably partly based on German and maybe also Russian, sort of ‘inspired by’ those languages.

I might do the Get Poor Quick Project

October 23, 2012

1:48 AM 10/23/2012

For the past couple days I’ve been dreaming of The Get Poor Quick Project. It’s not quite the same as The Get Rich Quick Project. Instead of getting a second job, I would reduce my work hours. I would have more free time, and a lot less money. I would ‘do things’ during my free time, things like reading books, studying, doing some kind of arts and crafts or music writing, exploring, doing things. I would do things that I can’t do now because I’m always too tired and too busy. It doesn’t matter what things I do. I would do all those things that require the free time that I don’t have. I would have to cook, though, if I were going to be spending a lot less money. But I would have time to learn things. If I learned things and studied things and created things, then I could make *real* progress in my life.

I couldn’t afford to do the Get Poor Quick Project before now, because decontaminations cost a lot of money. But I am getting closer and closer to being done with this. The decon that I am working on now is a big one, although it might not completely end the contamination, for various reasons. I don’t feel like explaining it all for the 10,000,000th time, but anyway, there is still some risk. But my decontaminations are definitely reducing the symptoms more and more.

It makes me happy to imagine doing the Get Poor Quick Project. I would still be working a couple days a week, but most of my time would be spent doing things that I care about.

ALL prescription drugs used during pregnancy greatly increase the risk of autism in the child

October 21, 2012

This isn’t a formal article, and I don’t have time to finish it – I apologize. I have become convinced that autism is drastically increasing because the use of drugs, all kinds of drugs, is also drastically increasing. The two increases happened at the same time. I also believe that vaccines will trigger autism too, and it’s not the mercury or aluminum or anything else in the vaccines, but the viruses themselves; however, drugs during pregnancy is associated with this as well. Perhaps people use drugs during pregnancy, and it affects their children, who then become even more vulnerable to being harmed by vaccines.

I am not talking about just one particular type of drugs, such as antidepressants. I am talking about ALL PRESCRIPTION DRUGS and also now probably herbal drugs and non-prescription drugs as well. If there is any drug that you take for a long time, over months and months, every day, then that is going to cause harm to your baby, and this includes things that are considered to be not harmful, such as blood pressure medications. NOTHING should be taken during pregnancy, not even over-the-counter natural herbal medicines, not energy drinks, not nutraceuticals, not prescription drugs of any kind, not antidepressants, not blood pressure meds, NOTHING. I am becoming sure that this is one of the primary causes of the increase in autism. Drug use has been increasing drastically in the past few decades along with several other health problems which are now becoming prevalent.

waiting for the next economic collapse; exploring the Bloody Bear Trail; growing potatoes in the forest; proceeding with my decontamination

October 16, 2012

4:31 PM 10/16/2012

Well, when are we going to get around to having another severe global economic meltdown? I’m starting to get a little bit bored with this stable, stagnant economy and nothing to be terrified about. They keep hinting at it, you know, with little things like banks declaring two billion dollar losses, and things like that, but nothing else happened. It’s inevitable that there will be another crash, we just don’t know exactly what it will be or when it will happen.

I’m only half joking. I really have been looking at the charts and wondering when it’s going to happen. The price of gold goes up and up and up, but now it’s been sort of stagnant. Supposedly, a little while after the government stops pumping tons of new money into the economy, the economy collapses. It requires constant inflation to keep it going. When the price of gold doesn’t really go up and up and up anymore, that suggests that maybe they are not flooding us with new money anymore. That then means that there will soon be another collapse, another bubble bursting. But I don’t know what or when. It happens every few years. 2008 was long enough ago, four years. I absolutely know that there will be some other major collapse somewhere sooner or later, because of the corrupt design of the system. I just don’t know what will trigger it.

It would be nice if we had interest rates high enough to encourage people to save money in banks again, but I doubt that will ever happen again for a long time. The government wants to force interest rates to go lower and lower, and then they get mad at us because we don’t save enough money for ourselves. Nobody saves, so people end up depending on government handouts.

I worked on some of my decontamination today. I just moved a few things out of the old storage tent and into the new one. I was greatly relieved to open up the storage tent and discover that I had already gotten rid of most of my stuff and I didn’t have to sort through much of anything. There were only four or five small to medium sized boxes left, and they were well organized and I could see exactly what was in them. I got rid of a little more stuff today, and moved the rest of it down to the new tent. I now have to get rid of some trash. The cardboard boxes in the storage tent will be the hardest to get rid of, because they are big and awkward. I could rip them up and take them down a little at a time in bags, possibly. I’m trying to take down the trash myself a little at a time on my bike, just one or two small bags at a time, in my basket. I can take them down the hill and put them in the trash at Sheetz as long as I don’t have tons of trash all at once.

But I could not completely finish the removal of all the stuff yet today. I was too hungry, and I always have to take a break and go relax and think about what the next steps will be. Still, it makes me feel better knowing that I did a little bit of work and that progress has been made. I didn’t do a shopping trip yet to get new stuff for the new tent. I will just need new ‘copies’ of the things that I have to use every day, and I am trying to use less and less stuff, so that I only have a small list of basic items that I need. I already have the sleeping bags in there.

Last night I put on my third sleeping bag. I got out some pillows that I had forgotten I had, which were in the storage tent, and started using them. I had originally been using a wadded up sleeping bag as a pillow, but that meant I could only have two sleeping bags inside each other. Now that I am using the sleeping bag as a sleeping bag, I am totally warm and not uncomfortable at all. I had recently been on the borderline of being just a little bit cold at night, and I want to be extremely cautious – I don’t want to accidentally get hypothermia while sleeping. I would prefer to wake up extremely hot and sweating and ripping off the sleeping bags to cool myself down.

I am on a lot of caffeine, and I’ve also been having drug residue reactions to things that fell on the ground. I dropped one of my gloves and had to pick it up and use it again because it was a cold day and I didn’t have another pair of gloves. I also had a reaction to my wet shoes a couple weeks ago when it poured rain and my shoes filled with water because I didn’t have them protected from the rain. The soil got contaminated because I had bags of garbage from the car, and some of those bags got ripped open and spread around when a skunk got into them, and then, later, when I was taking them down the mountain, I had some bags rip open, and other incidents, which got some more of it on the ground.

I know this makes it sound as though the contamination is infinite and neverending, and therefore imaginary, but it is not – it is getting much better, much thinner than it used to be in the past. Most of it is gone, and it is now easier and easier to get rid of it. When I move over to the new tent site it will be reduced even more, and it will be a long time before anything would ever trigger a severe reaction again. I will have to test it to make sure, but I am fairly sure that I will not have any problems when I go to the new site. This is going to be an extremely major decon. I am not doing it all at once, and I am also not trying to wait for a vacation to do it. I am trying to do it on my days off work, a little at a time, and trying to bring down bags of garbage on my bike one or two at a time, small bags, not big heavy ones.

There was a cold night a few nights ago. It supposedly went down into the 20s, like 28 degrees. I didn’t feel like it was that cold. I thought it was in the thirties, but people elsewhere told me that it did actually go below freezing, and they saw frost. Anyway, when I woke up, the birds were all walking around digging under the leaves and tossing them around. I could only guess what they were doing: the insects must have gone down under the leaves to hide from the cold, or something, and the birds were finding all the insects half-frozen down under there. The birds don’t do this as noticeably every day – it was different from the usual. Mostly, the squirrels are rustling around and making the leaves crackle, not the birds as much.

I’m paying attention to what the animals do, how they eat, where they go. I do still want to learn to hunt someday, but I’ve had to put that off.

On Monday, I went walking around the mountain, but not on the trail. I wanted to look at the south side of the mountain, because I thought that side would get the most sun in the wintertime. I was considering moving there. So I wanted to explore it. I have never gone walking over there. I haven’t explored Nittany Mountain very much. I’ve been on the trail, and I’ve been on the west side of the mountain in the woods in a few places, not far from where I camp.

I went wandering into the woods without a trail. But soon, I started to automatically go onto something like a trail anyway, by default. There was this place where the hill wasn’t very steep, and I ended up walking around the mountain on that line.

And I started to notice that this was becoming a real trail, an animal trail, a trail that something else was using. I know there are deer and other animals that make trails. I know that there is something, probably a deer, that often leaves footprints around near where my path is, little holes where the soil is pressed in sharply like it would be from hooves. I have soft brown soil exposed in some places on my path, although most of the path has now been covered with leaves, but some of it is still a visible path, and that is where I often see those footprints.

But this got bigger, and I started to think that it was not a deer. It started to seem like a suspiciously big path.

And then I came to a place where there were a lot of giant old trees, like oaks. Some of them were broken, and some had fallen. Some were hollow. And there was one tree that was hollowed at the base in such a way that a large animal could fit inside it and be somewhat protected from the rain, but not very well. I had recently researched bear dens online, because I wondered where bears sleep in the winter. This looked like it could be a bear den.

And I went close and I looked inside. I looked closer and closer (don’t worry, nothing is going to jump out and scare me), and suddenly I saw something strange. There was a large sharp part of the stump sticking out, and on the end of this sharp point, there was a lot of blood. The blood had soaked the entire end of this sharp pointed stump, and it had fallen into pools and droplets around on the wood and on the ground around the hollow of the tree. It looked as though the bear might have been denning in that tree, and it got up in a hurry and ran away, and it accidentally cut itself very badly by scraping against this sharp pointed stump. I could think of no other explanation for why this sharp thing had blood all over it. And the blood was fresh, wet, and shiny. It had only happened not too long ago. And I smelled fear.

I walked around the area. I picked up several sticks to protect myself, and carried them with me. I looked and looked all around for movements among the trees, but saw nothing. There was a large area where I could smell fear and blood, although I couldn’t see any blood trail on the ground. It wasn’t bleeding badly enough to leave a trail on the ground. The fear smell is more like an adrenaline smell. It comes with blood. It can make some people pass out. I myself feel a little bit faint and sick when I smell it, and if there’s a lot of it, I feel weak and I get the urge to fall down, but I have never actually fainted from the smell of blood, I just feel like I’m going to. It was that smell. It burned my throat slightly. I recognize the sensation.

I never found the animal, whatever it was. I think that it had been denning there only moments before, and it heard the sound of me walking through the woods, and it panicked and ran away quickly, and probably hurt itself when it jumped out from under the hollow tree in a hurry. I don’t think that it was already injured, and I don’t think that it had been shot by a hunter, but it’s possible that’s what happened – I could be wrong. I was making a theory for what I saw. It was very strange. I could not believe it, but it looked as though a real bear had actually been trying to den in that tree only moments before I showed up and terrified it into running away. The blood was that fresh.

After that, I referred to this as ‘The Bloody Bear Trail,’ a rather gruesome and morbid trail name.

After a little while, I just went home. I decided not to try moving to the south side of the mountain, for now, partly BECAUSE THERE IS A BEAR THAT LIVES THERE. So I will stay where I am for now.

But this incident changed my perception of the mountain. I always felt as though the danger was coming from the left. When I go up my little homemade path, I feel as though an animal is going to come from the left side of me, out of the woods. On the right side, there is the official hiking trail not too far away, through a little bit of woods, and I imagine that the animals don’t go near the hiking trail as much. That trail is heavily used by hundreds of people every week. Not only that, but I also have a bunch of thick brush and fallen trees and things on my right side, and it seems like a wall that blocks me. I chose that area for that reason. The wall of thick brush and fallen trees makes me feel secure. I also believed that if there were any bears, they wouldn’t be on the right, on the southern exposure of the mountain, because that side of the mountain is above the highway, above the 322 bypass, so it’s noisy. There is also a rock quarry over there, and they make a lot of noise too. I can feel the noises from the rock quarry all the way over on my west side of the mountain! Sometimes, when I’m lying in bed, I will feel this loud BOOM! and the mountain vibrates. They are using dynamite in the ground to blow open large areas. So I thought that a bear wouldn’t like to live on the south side of the mountain because of all the noises over there and because it just seems closer to civilization. Apparently, I was all wrong about that. Maybe the trees grow larger over there because the south side gets more sun, and the giant old trees are the hollow ones where bears are able to find a den.

I will find out more when it snows and I can follow the footprints.

I have also been finding several very large, brown feathers with white stripes on them. I think they must be turkey feathers. I occasionally see a group of turkeys wandering around. It always amazes me that we even have any turkeys left at all, because they are a very desirable game animal. I myself would like to get a turkey, but if I did, the meat would last for months. Maybe one month if I ate turkey every day. I remember when I bought a chicken at the grocery store and made soup out of it, and I was eating the soup every single day, as it was in my icebox, and even then, after eating it for almost a week, I still had tons and tons and tons of cooked chicken left, and it seemed like I would never get through it. I didn’t realize it would last that long. And the soup was only a test, and it was not very good, and it didn’t have any carbohydrates in it, so I kept going into ketosis after eating it. That was why I decided to try cooking potatoes.

Oh, an interesting thing happened with the potatoes. I could not use the whole bag of them because I abandoned the attempt to cook for myself, partly because I reacted very badly to all the smoke from the fire, which is why I’m now interested in a solar oven. Anyway, I threw away the bag of potatoes after it sat there for a couple months in the storage tent. I just threw the potatoes on the ground. Nobody ate them, strangely. The animals just ignored them. I didn’t throw the bag there, I just poured out the potatoes.

After a while, the potatoes started sprouting. Some of the sprouts died, but a couple of them lasted a while. I figured that they would soon die, because it’s in the forest and there isn’t a lot of light. I believed that a domesticated plant would need lots and lots of sunlight. Why else do we chop down all the trees and plant our farms in the open fields? But no, that did not happen. It’s a couple months later, and one potato plant sprout is still there, still alive, under the trees, in the dim dark light!!! Do you know why this is so exciting to me? It tells me that we don’t have to cut down trees in order to plant our edible farm plants. This was just an ordinary red potato, not a special breed intended to grow in low light situations. So if that can happen, then it would be easy to find potatoes that were specially bred to grow in low light conditions under the trees. There would be no need to grow them in large tilled farms where all the trees had been cut down. I always like to think of how we can get food without having to cut down all the forests, and this incident greatly reassures me. We CAN grow food under the trees without cutting them down!

However, it’s possible that this potato sprout is doing nothing but ‘eating’ the potato’s stored energy. It’s possible that the potato leaves themselves are not doing any photosynthesis, and it’s possible that the plant is not adding any new energy to the potato, but instead is using up the stored energy. If that’s the case, then no, we can’t grow potatoes in the woods. However, it must be possible to grow potatoes in the woods, because I’ve read about primitive people hunting for yams (which aren’t really the same as potatoes) in the jungle.

Anyway, as I was saying, about hunting: if I do learn to hunt, I will start with very small, plentiful animals like squirrels, so that I don’t have to worry about making a mistake and wasting the meat or doing something wrong that makes it go bad. A large animal has so much meat that I can’t use it all quickly and would have to preserve it or refrigerate it. (I’m starting to obsess about meat… and yet, I did already eat something a while ago.)

I’m also considering the idea of keeping some chickens of my own on Mt. Nittany, free roaming chickens that would eat the insects in the soil. I have heard that it’s possible to raise chickens entirely on insects that they find by themselves, instead of having to feed them grain. I would like to do that, but I would first want to know for sure that it’s really possible and that they would not be starving. Also, I would have to protect them against predators, and I would have to keep them out of sight of the hikers, and I’d want to keep them away from the contaminated soil area where my tent was. The roosters would make noise when they woke up in the morning, which would be weird and would draw attention to me and my wild chickens (typo: I just wrote the word ‘children’ instead of ‘chickens’).

So, a test someday, when I’m ready, will be to try to grow some potatoes under the trees in the dim light, and I could try different varieties of potatoes and see which ones did the best. I need the plants to be able to do photosynthesis so that the plants can add energy to the potato, which is the whole purpose of a potato. And I will want to use my solar oven to boil the potatoes and the eggs and the chickens and squirrels and acorns and whatever else I decide to eat in the future. Probably bugs or something. I’m obsessed with wild foods now.

The only problem with getting your own wild foods locally is that some very large regions of the world have soil which is very deficient in particular minerals. Some areas don’t have much selenium. I read that Russia doesn’t have much selenium. I also remember from nutrition class that Ukraine doesn’t have much zinc in its soil. I have a theory that in some parts of the world, the entire populations are unhealthy both physically and psychologically because they live in areas that are missing some important trace minerals from the soil, and that this influences everything about their culture, their mood, their behavior, their attitudes, their politics, their economy – everything is influenced by the ‘lack of energy’ or chronic illness that these people suffer from. I keep looking and looking for a reference about Ukraine’s soil on the internet and I can’t find it, I just find garbage. I find websites that aren’t about what I’m looking for at all. I want to find something that leads me directly to websites where people have analyzed the trace mineral content of soils from all the regions all around the globe, and shown it on a map so that you can quickly glance at a particular area on a continent and say, ‘Oh, darn, I’m living in a place with iodine deficient soil – I have to make sure to get enough iodine somehow,’ etc. Colorado supposedly has very good soil and it has lots of selenium, and IT JUST SO HAPPENS, that, for some mysterious reason, the people in Colorado happen to be among the healthiest, most slender people in the United States – there was some article somewhere that showed Colorado as having the fewest number of obese people in the entire country. There are some minerals that you can get easily if you eat seafood, and there are some minerals (like zinc) which are more easily gotten from eating foods of the land.

Anyway, if you eat local foods and if you are self-reliant in foods, you still need to get some kind of imported foods, usually seafood, or else foods from areas with better soil, if you live where the soil is poor. I think the people in West Virginia are badly affected by the poor soil where their food is grown. I think some of their food comes from Ohio, and the people in Ohio are also probably affected by it too. But I don’t know for sure.

I will stop obsessing and just post this. I am okay, I am keeping very warm, and keeping so warm that I am uncomfortably hot, when I sleep at night, so that I do not accidentally die of hypothermia. (One of these days I would like to get a thermometer again, and take a photo of the thermometer outside of the sleeping bag, and then a photo of it inside the sleeping bag. I once took the temperature inside my sleeping bag, and I think it was eighty some degrees, if I recall correctly, like 85 or so. I just want to reassure everyone, because sometimes people worry that I am going to let myself get cold and freeze to death, and I know, this sometimes happens to homeless people, but I think it happens when they are drunk… that’s just my theory.) I am proceeding with my Intermediate Soil Decon, and did a little work on it today. I am still interested in eventually learning to hunt and produce my own foods, as always, but must postpone all that until this decon is over so that I will have time, money, and mental energy to focus on other things.

Will this decon be the last big one? I don’t know, but I really really hope so. I hope it is almost over. It is really getting better and better every time, and even when I do get manic attacks they are nowhere near as bad as they were in the past. If only I could do this faster, and if only I could get more time off work. But I will keep working for now, and just do a little bit on my days off.

Feeling protective towards someone who is being hurt by the medical industry

October 14, 2012

1:25 PM 10/14/2012

An old college friend of mine has been talking about her health problems and expressing fear, which is triggering my feelings of anger and protectiveness. I want to tell her all that I know. I want to tell her what to do. She says that the doctors are telling her that she is pre-diabetic, that she is developing type 2 diabetes. I immediately asked her if she was already taking any medications for anything else, and she said yes: blood pressure medications. Blood pressure medications can cause high blood sugar, which is what I was looking for. The doctors will then tell you that you, quote unquote, ‘have type 2 diabetes,’ when actually, all that you have is a side effect of a previous medication that you are using.

Peter had type 1 diabetes and was also using blood pressure medications. He found out that they can cause blood sugar crashes, very low blood sugar. They can cause both high or low blood sugar, actually, in people who didn’t have any blood sugar problems in the past.

However, it is not easy to withdraw from blood pressure medications. Withdrawal effects are very nasty, things like heart attacks. I myself had heart attack symptoms every day after visiting Peter and being exposed to his blood pressure drugs secondhand. I also had blood sugar crashes, but those were the worst if I had transdermal insulin exposure. He would do something like fix his insulin pump – it had this piece that wouldn’t stay closed properly where the battery was – and so he was occasionally having to struggle with it to get it fixed, and while he was handling it, he would get insulin on his hands, and I would get the insulin on me if I touched him or any surfaces that he had touched.

I don’t like to talk to people about my medical knowledge, because it almost inevitably leads to my wanting to tell them about drug residue decontamination, and I can’t do that. If I told someone to withdraw from blood pressure drugs, then I would also want them to decontaminate. Those drugs will still be on their clothing. She might even have high blood pressure to begin with because of prior drug residue contamination from the cold medicines she used to use which contained Sudafed, pseudoephedrine. I don’t know. There are many other reasons why she could have high blood pressure; I just use decontamination as a universal protocol to follow whenever you are withdrawing from drugs. But anyway, decontamination is so difficult and so expensive that most people cannot do it unless they have a physical location, a decontamination center, which is set up and designed for the sole purpose of helping people decontaminate.

I’ve been reading about people who treated high blood pressure and high blood sugar by getting on the paleo diet. However, I myself would advise a diet that was inspired by the paleo diet and also by the Weston Price diet. The Weston Price diet has this knowledge which is important: that the method of food preparation determines whether the food is safe to eat, and it changes how the food affects your body. Maybe a wheat-free diet would be helpful, but I don’t want to tell people to eat the ‘lean meat’ advocated by the paleo diet. I woudl want them to eat high-fat organ meats and whatever else is in the Weston Price diet (and I still, to this day, want to find out why it is that some people claim they are able to eat bone marrow without vomiting – it is extremely toxic, but there may be some way of preparing it so that it doesn’t cause food poisoning, and there are many people out there who claim that it’s delicious and they love it).

This is one of those moments when I wish that I had my Anaya religious community up and running. This is my fantasized intentional community or intentional religion or whatever I would call it. I imagine that people would be allowed to live on the land that I own for free if they agreed to follow the rules of the religion. The special diet is one of the rules. I would have to have inspectors of some kind to make sure that all the communities were following the same standards. They would be allowed to vary somewhat, but there would be essential core rules that they could not vary from. The rules are based on principles which would have to be understood – they are not just arbitrary rules.

I have had several drug residue outbreaks in the past week or so and I am looking forward to my next decon, whenever I am able to do it. It will be a big one, but it probably will not be the final one. I will still be somewhat at risk.

Anyway, I wish I had Anaya up and running so that I could send people through it and transform them. I would bring in sick people and turn them into healthy people. I would get them off drugs. I would make them beautiful. I would give them a place to live. But I can’t just command people to follow a set of steps unless I also give them the support they need to do it. I can’t command someone to get on a particular diet whenever it’s very hard to go grocery shopping and find these foods. I myself cannot cook for myself, and anytime my life has any kind of stress or disasters, I stop cooking and start buying fast foods. That’s another thing I imagine, the Anaya food corporation. They have local restaurants and they also make food for grocery stores. So you can go out and get fast food, but it will meet the standards of the Anaya diet. You can’t just command people to change their diet when there are reasons why they’re eating the foods they’re eating. There are reasons why I can’t stop using caffeine, for instance – the drug residues make me extremely exhausted, and also, I’m not getting enough to eat at home, which is another reason why I have to use caffeine – I need a food substitute that stops me from being hungry constantly while I’m at work. (The ‘food substitute’ actually contains a little bit of real food, the saturated fats in the cream that I add to my coffee; however, that cream is bad – it comes from factory farms, and it has some kind of hormone in it that affects my hormones, and I can actually observe these effects immediately after using it, if I drink a lot of that cream in one day.)

I wish that I could heal all the sick people and also transform the prisoners in the jails. I would put them through the Anaya protocol and the prisoners would stop being hyperactive and would stop committing crimes. They actually tested the Feingold diet on prisoners and found out that prison violence dropped dramatically while the prisoners were on the Feingold diet for hyperactivity. The so-called Anaya diet is a diet inspired by several different diets, including the Feingold diet, the paleo diet, and the Weston Price diet, and all three of those diets have many things in common. All of them emphasize more natural, whole foods, simpler foods, more primitive foods, fewer manmade chemicals such as artificial food colorings, etc.

But the Anaya diet has a few other things that are not explicitly mentioned in those other diets, such as, a rule that says you do not eat synthetic vitamins and minerals. So, you don’t add synthetic vitamins and minerals to your food, and you don’t take them in the form of a pill. Synthetic vitamins cause allergies. They contain a substance that resembles histamine, which is produced by the body during an allergic reaction. So when you take a synthetic vitamin, you get these allergy symptoms that are caused by histamine. There are people who take lots and lots of vitamin pills, believing that vitamins will cure their allergies, but the vitamin pills are CAUSING their allergies. You have to stop eating all foods that contain these added vitamins, such as flour and cereals. Breakfast cereals always have them. My allergies have completely gone away now that I’m no longer eating breakfast cereals.

I have to post this – it’s almost time for work.

I want new analog, non-digital music players

October 9, 2012

8:07 PM 10/9/2012

I want this new invention: miniature analog music players using today’s new technology, but not digitizing the music. It will keep as many of the musical frequencies as possible, unlike CDs and MP3s, which eliminate the high frequencies, making the music less pleasant to listen to. Analog music players, like record players and cassettes, sound much better than digital players, except that records and cassettes can be scratched and damaged over time (although I’ve discovered that CDs don’t really last very long either). If CDs don’t even last very long and aren’t very durable, then what benefit are we gaining over cassettes and records? The CD surface is exposed to the environment and it gets easily scratched. It might be cheaper, that’s all.

working on the new camp site

October 8, 2012

7:58 PM 10/8/2012

Today I set up the two new tents that I got last week. I went over to the new camp site which is right next to where I am now, except it’s not connected to the path that I’m on. I made a new path to it. I am making sure the soil doesn’t get contaminated over there, so when I first went there I actually had plastic bags over my shoes, but today, I had an accident where one of the bags got ripped off one of my shoes and I walked a few steps around a particular area with the contaminated shoe touching the ground. I had to stop and think for a few minutes, because when this kind of thing happens, it’s extremely frustrating. I know from past experience that if I try to ignore an incident like this, I will later have a contamination outbreak. So I could not ignore it. I was in denial at first, and then I decided to slightly move the tent to a different place away from where I had taken the footsteps, and just make a new little path connecting it. This was actually not hard to do. I had already set up the tent, and I simply lifted it up off the ground, moved it away from the possibly contaminated footsteps area, and put it in a new place just a few feet away. I then fixed my shoes – I just changed into a new pair of shoes and gave up on trying to cover my contaminated shoes with plastic bags, because it was too risky.

I did succeed in getting the two tents set up. Now I am going to fill them up with the items that I need for daily use, such as sleeping bags. I am also going to get a new bicycle, but it’s not going to be a very expensive one, and it won’t be a heavy mountain bike. I won’t do that until the very end when I am ready to switch over. I need a lighter street bike. When I am decontaminated I will be able to buy and keep things, and so I will be able to get more accessories for the bike like a rack or panniers, which I’ve wanted all this time but didn’t get because I don’t want to buy anything that I don’t absolutely have to have right now (except during a manic attack when I get forced to buy things I can’t use right now, such as a little oven for cooking polymer clay sculptures in, which may never be used and will have to be returned or resold).

I had an incident which was probably a puppet incident. I had written about how I was pretending that I was hired at an appallingly low wage as a sculpting apprentice. Well, a day or two after I wrote that, this lady came up and talked to me when I was at McDonald’s in the drive-thru. We had spoken before, but I couldn’t remember her name. She told me she was looking for a helper so she could start her own business, and she isn’t a sculptor, but she does floral design and landscape design and other types of artistic design. She talked to me for a few minutes and then I called her on the phone later and she told me more about it. I told her that I would enjoy doing something like that as a volunteer, because she said she couldn’t afford to pay anyone yet. She said if she was able to get her business started then she would be able to pay me. I said that if I helped her out as a volunteer, it would be a learning experience for me, sort of like taking an art class for free. She might or might not call me back sometime if she needs me. But it seems like enough of a coincidence to suspect it was a puppet incident.

My life is extremely narrow and extremely negative. I have been unable to explore, to learn, to create. I have nothing positive to talk about. I am not making anything that I care about. This is because all of my energy is directed towards the decontamination, and I know from past experience that I cannot start anything, I can’t buy anything, I can’t do anything risky, whenever I keep having manic attacks and residue outbreaks that destroy all my stuff and change my behavior drastically.

I hesitate to say this, but this upcoming decon is going to be a very major one, and I am hoping that it will be the last one. There might be extremely minor or trivial incidents in the future. But if this succeeds there won’t be any more major ones. I hesitate to say anything at all, because so many things can go wrong, and so many things have gone wrong in the past. Still, I make major progress every time, and the attacks are much less than they ever were in the past.

I hope that very soon I have something good to say for once.

Categories of things I might sculpt

October 6, 2012

6:33 PM 10/6/2012

I’m thinking about what kinds of things I might sculpt. They fall into a few categories.

This is not like making something out of gold or silver. Whatever you make out of gold or silver, it will always, at the very least, retain its bullion value, the value of the gold and silver itself. But pieces of plastic are not like that. After the plastic is baked, it no longer has value as a clay that can be made into things. You would have to add plasticizer to it again to make it flexible again, and I don’t know if that would work. So it’s possible to take something that has some value in the beginning, and turn it into a piece of worthless junk that has even less value than it had originally. I could make shapeless blobs out of clay, and maybe sell them as paperweights or something. But shapeless blobs might have less value than the clay had originally. So I have to make sure that I add value. The value that I am adding is artistic value, aesthetic value, cuteness value, decorative value, entertainment value, informational value, etc.

I’m thinking of things, and ‘they’ are suggesting or asking about some things.

1. Holiday crafts. I don’t celebrate holidays, but would I ever be willing to sell holiday knickknacks to the type of people who can’t resist spending money on yet another holiday knickknack for themselves or someone else? This is in the ‘more evil’ category. I am taking advantage of people who can’t stop themselves from wasting more money on junk that doesn’t add much to their lives.

2. Biology. I like the idea of crafting strange creatures that nobody else bothers to sculpt. I remember when I googled the word ‘tardis’ because someone mentioned the Tardis from ‘Doctor Who,’ and I wanted to find out what it was, and I discovered something called ‘TARDIS’ which stood for ‘Tardigrades In Space,’ a scientific research program that tested whether tardigrades could survive in outer space. I decided that tardigrades were sort of interesting and esoteric creatures. So I would like to sculpt tardigrades, except they would be humanized or anthropomorphized in some way. I could sculpt bugs and bacteria and other tiny things, but it wouldn’t just be ‘a ladybug’ or something everyone is familiar with – it might be some exotic beautiful insect that no one has ever heard of before.

3. Indigenous people. I could sculpt the Sami reindeer herding people around Christmastime and not feel as guilty about it. At least people would be educated about where the image of Santa Claus came from. I could sculpt images of people and lifestyles from lots of primitive cultures, by looking at photographs. I could sculpt their foods, and once again, I’d make sure to tell the truth – for instance, I love Thai food, but American Thai food is nothing at all like *real* Thai food. Misconceptions about Thai food. I read that article yesterday, and, notice, it didn’t even say a single word about the fact that people in Thailand commonly eat insects, but even so, it was a good article. Insect eating is taboo in the United States. I can imagine sculpting a street vendor with lots of little insects for sale. I would sculpt things that I think are interesting, good, beautiful, and worthwhile, images of healthy people, healthy food, healthy cultures.

4. Fantasy characters. The dragon is my first fantasy creature. I drew pictures of hundreds of dragons when I was a teenager. I think it must be because I was hungry all the time, and we didn’t have any good food around the house. The dragons were sharp-toothed predators. I often drew dragons and other predators snarling, growling, and attacking and eating other animals. I could also sculpt fantasy people, not just animals, and the Anaya religion is something I could sculpt which does not exist in reality.

Oh well, I can think of a few more things, but I have to go to work. If that link above doesn’t work, I won’t have time to fix it.

Buying more supplies for sculptures

October 6, 2012

11:23 PM 10/5/2012

Today, I got more stuff for the sculpting project. I’m waiting for a bus right now, on Vairo Boulevard. The bus that came was too full and they couldn’t let any of us on. I went to Wal-Mart and got a couple things that I couldn’t find at Weis Market next to McDonald’s. I tried to get it all at Weis, but they didn’t have everything. I had this feeling of reluctance, because I am sure that this project is doomed.

I’m not sure exactly why it’s doomed. I think that I will give up on it when I see that it’s too difficult to get good results. I will be able to do things that are trivial and uninteresting. Maybe the oven will burn the plastic. Maybe the pthalene or whatever it is (oops, pthalates) will make me so sick that I can’t bear to be around it. Maybe I will find out that it causes cancer or something. Maybe the plastic won’t bake completely. Maybe I just won’t have enough time for it.

I could probably get enough money for them to cover the cost of the materials. I could probably get enough money per piece to afford the materials for one more piece. I might be able to get even more money than that. But it would be only a little bit. It would not really be worth doing.

I feel like I’m doing something that is wrong. I would be making more plastic junk that would sit around causing clutter in the world. It doesn’t biodegrade. The plastic probably can’t be reused. That’s one reason why I never decided to make arts and crafts – they are more clutter that people have to get rid of, unnecessary clutter.

So I reluctantly went around buying more things that I will probably never use.

1:27 PM 10/6/2012

I ended up riding my bike home instead of waiting any longer for the bus.

This morning I made part of an armature. I keep wanting to say I ‘tried to’ make an armature, but, in reality, I actually did make one, so I succeeded. It was a ‘try,’ though, because it was my first try, and I haven’t finished it yet, and I’m trying it without knowing how it’s going to work. At first, I tried bending paperclips and hooking them together to make a skeleton, but then decided it wasn’t really necessary, and it got complicated and tangled and was time-consuming. So I started just wadding up aluminum foil and making a body out of it. I am making a dragon right now.

I was thinking that I ‘got hired’ as a sculptor, for my second job, and the hourly pay is appalling low, below minimum wage. I have to ‘add value’ to the materials so that people will spend more to buy them than they cost me originally. I have to add enough value to make it sustainable, so that I can continue to buy more materials and make more sculptures.

I was walking around Wal-Mart and I just started noticing things that could potentially be made out of polymer clay. There were refrigerator magnets, and they were in very bad taste. Some of them were so ugly and so junky looking that my response was ‘WTF?’ For instance, there was this little heart, attached to something else, and some kind of white glitter was partially painted over the heart, but not completely, and that was all. And people are supposed to spend money to buy these things. And they had this cow, and you were looking at the cow from behind, and the cow’s head was turned around facing you, and above it it said, ‘What corn?’ written in handwriting. Again, WTF? I think the joke is that the cow ate the corn and is pretending it didn’t happen. Ha ha, that’s just so *CUTE*! (not). It’s in such bad taste that I can’t even *imagine* making and selling such things. The idea is inconceivable. How did someone even get the idea to make a mischievous cow pretending not to have eaten the corn? I think it just started off with a cow, and it didn’t say anything at all, and then somebody decided to add words to it to make a joke. And there were a bunch of these cow magnets that were exactly the same.

I don’t really like the idea of producing little plastic knickknacks, but, even so, those refrigerator magnets at Wal-Mart made me feel that there was a legitimate need for more artistically pleasing refrigerator magnets in the world.

I really do feel that making little plastic sculptures is ‘wrong’ somehow. I myself bought hundreds of plastic toys, and got them for Christmas, when I was a child. I spent my weekly allowance on it. Yes, I played with them a lot, but after a while, I felt as though I needed someone’s help to write storylines, plotlines, for my toys to act out. It was boring not to have any ideas for what the toys would DO. It would be much better for the world if somebody created plotlines for toys to act out, intelligent, creative, exciting plotlines, instead of just creating more toys and more knickknacks. Buying yet another toy doesn’t give you any ideas for what you will act out with that toy.

So I feel as though I am sort of evil or bad or environmentally harmful by making sculptures and adding more clutter to the world. It goes against my values.

However, I already work at McDonald’s, and I don’t believe that their food is very nourishing, and I don’t like the factory farms that their food comes from, so I am already getting paid to do something that goes against my values.

I need to get ready for work now.

I am pretending that I got hired as a sculptor, as an apprentice, and my hourly wages are appallingly low, but yet, I get to keep whatever revenues come from selling the sculptures. If I were working for someone else, I wouldn’t be keeping the revenues from the sales. So it’s kind of okay that my hourly wages are appallingly low.

I don’t know if I will actually sell my practice sculptures, the first ones that I make. I might give them away to people, like mom and dad. It’s very likely that if my sculpture works out at all, if nothing goes wrong, then I will mail it to them. I will do a few practice ones for free to see if anything goes wrong, if they collapse after a while, if they get burned in the oven, or whatever.

I want to try a solar oven

October 3, 2012

I tried cooking things over a fire, but the smoke got into my throat and lungs and they felt irritated by it for over a week. That was months ago. I haven’t tried it again since.

I would like to try these solar ovens. I saw that on the same page as ‘The World’s Best Nutcracker,’ which I mentioned a few posts ago. There would be no smoke for me to inhale. I just want to find out if they work. I’m not buying one this instant because I need my money. But… no smoke – that would be perfect. If only they actually worked for real, and if only they worked during the wintertime in Pennsylvania with low-angle sun. I don’t have to cook every day. I could cook something once or twice a week on a nice day. There are some that are relatively cheap, a few hundred dollars, but they don’t work as well as the big strong ones that are more expensive. I understand the concept of a parabola, where all of the beams point to one location.

I see that you can boil water with it, but I wonder about cooking without water, about dry heat, such as roasting or frying in oil. That requires much higher heat. I wouldn’t be doing something like that very often, and I would be happy just to have boiling water so I can make soup or something, but still I wonder.

Writing a list of prices for the huge decontamination I have to do

October 1, 2012

4:19 PM 10/1/2012

I did a bunch of Windows Updates on my computer, as in, years and years worth of updates. That’s the kind of weird thing that I spontaneously do while manic. I sat there and fooled around for hours and hours downloading stuff and restarting my computer over a period of several days.

Now that I have patched the computer, all of a sudden the hackers are trying to get back in. All of a sudden, I am getting messages about how the server’s certificate name doesn’t match whatever it’s supposed to match, or little messages saying that a page contains java, when I’ve been to that page a million times and it never had java before, and it actually gave me this message that said I could not navigate away from the page until I clicked ‘yes’ or ‘no’ on the java box (my response was to hit ctrl-alt-del and shut down the browser rather than click anything at all on the java box, because the buttons on the java boxes don’t have to mean what they say they mean).

This is very annoying. Not only that, but I am sure it’s unnecessary – they don’t *need* to do all these blatantly obvious tactics to get back into my computer. If they really want to, they can get in without letting me know that they’re getting in, instead of doing all these big obvious things that I am able to see like java box messages and wrongly named server certificates and other child’s play. I have a feeling it’s just being done to annoy me and to send the message that patching the computer is pointless, which I already knew. But yet still I will probably keep doing it anyway, now that I am mostly up to date on the patches.

Today I went to Wal-Mart with a big long list of stuff that I’m going to replace. I wanted to get the prices of everything. The stuff that I am getting rid of is minimally contaminated, or else its contamination status is unknown and suspected to be minimal. So I am going to sell stuff on craigslist this time instead of trashing it. I trash things if they are badly contaminated, but if it’s minimal, I am going to sell them. I’m getting rid of things anyway even if I suspect that they are minimal, because I want to take extreme precautions so that I can be sure. I wanted to get the prices of things that I was getting rid of, too, so that I know how much they charge at Wal-Mart, and I will sell them at a slightly lower price than that.

I haven’t totaled it all up yet, so I don’t know how much it will cost. But it will be a lot. All of my money has been destroyed by these decontaminations over the past few years, from having to buy things over and over again and get rid of them. This is getting close to the final decon where I won’t have to do it again, and I will be able to hopefully buy things and keep them.

I ate at the Chinese restaurant, and my fortune was unambiguous today: ‘You will have good luck and overcome many hardships.’ Thank God! That’s like winning the lottery or something. They don’t make bad fortunes, they just make good fortunes or puzzling, perplexing fortunes, or little observations or wisdom about life, but not bad fortunes.

I added up this list and got $644. This is why I never have any money. That’s if I did it all at once. I will be doing it a little at a time, not all at once. That’s also why I desperately need a second job and why it should be a job that definitely makes a profit instead of a risky uncertain job where I probably won’t make a profit for months or years, such as becoming an artist.

I will recover some of that money by selling my stuff, too, but not all of it.

But it doesn’t matter. I tell myself ‘Money is no object,’ which means, ‘In this situation, it doesn’t matter how much it costs, because we have to do something which is much more important than money.’ People say ‘money is no object’ when they want something very badly and don’t care how much they pay for it. I want my freedom from drug residues that badly. I want my freedom more than I want anything else that that money could buy for me at this time.

After I no longer have to decontaminate everything all the time, all that money will be saved and used for other things, and I will be able to save enough money to take time off work and do a project, whatever I decide to do.

This decon is going to be a major one, and I am going to be very careful about it. I will set up the new campsite a little at a time, and then start moving things into it, things that I don’t use daily.

Last night, some kind of animal was touching the side of the tent. I don’t think it was a bear. It sounded like something small to medium sized, so I suspected it might be a skunk. I wanted to scare it away from the tent, but I didn’t want to scare the living shit out of it, because if it was a skunk, it might spray near or on the tent, which I do not want.

So I started making noises, but not really scary noises, just silly noises, and I didn’t move around, I just laid there in bed going, ‘BOOOOOOOOOOOOO…. SKUNK! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! BLBLBLBLBLBLBLBLBLBLBLBLBL!’ and other ridiculous silly noises. The skunk probably laughed itself to death, but whatever, it was gone and it didn’t continue sniffing the tent.

I don’t have any food in the tent except for one or two empty bags of potato chips, which don’t smell very much. I don’t eat potato chips on purpose, but I get them, whether I want them or not, with every meal that I eat at Honeybaked Ham. I am capable of eating potato chips, I just don’t like them and I never buy them voluntarily. So anyway, I don’t know why the animal was sniffing the tent.

Something scary happened a week or so ago. I was going home in the night and I was shining my flashlight far away into the woods, when suddenly I saw a reflecting pair of eyes far away. First they looked reddish brown, and then they looked white. I couldn’t tell what kind of animal it was. I couldn’t see how tall it was. It was too far away and there were too many obstacles between us. It might have been a deer – there are a lot of deer that go around there. I was just scared that it was the bobcat. I decided to read online and see if bobcats ever attacked people. They can, but it’s rare, and people are able to fight back. There was a story of a man who was attacked by a bobcat, and he survived by strangling it with his hands. It had rabies. It’s not as bad as fighting a cougar, but they will still tear you to pieces very badly, and they are physically capable of killing you. They could easily kill small children or babies for sure. So I am cautious about the bobcat, but I haven’t seen it or heard it since that one incident several weeks ago.

There are millions of ground squirrels around. So, somebody is eating all the nuts and acorns. I saw so many of them one day that I started singing, ‘Millions of ground squirrels, ground squirrels for me.’

My life is stuck at a boring and frustrating phase right now, but it is almost over. As soon as I no longer have to do decontaminations, I will have more money, and life will be more interesting. As soon as I get a second job, I will have even more money. When I can take time off work, I will be able to do things that will permanently increase my quality of life. Time off work is all that I ever, ever wanted, ever since I became an adult, ever since I started paying bills. I only wanted free time. You need free time in order to study, in order to learn, in order to create, in order to try new things, in order to explore. Those things can permanently increase your quality of life. You can permanently increase your income from your job if you study, if you do projects, if you start your own business, if you develop hobbies, if you learn and study and explore. But in order to get time off, you have to be able to save money, and many people cannot even get to a place where they are able to save even a little bit of money. My situation is extreme – most people don’t have to throw away their belongings – so, if most people did what I’m doing, if they lived in a tent, they would get rich immediately. I wasn’t able to because I still have to destroy huge amounts of money.

I can’t wait to start learning and studying again. My brain becomes active when I am learning new things. I see the connections to everything that I’m learning. I see the new knowledge everywhere I look.

I was looking at the stars and thinking about other planets. Of course there is life out there. Somewhere near one of those stars, there is a planet, and on that planet, there is carbon, and the carbon forms bonds with four other carbon atoms, forming chains and other shapes. Or maybe silicon. The atoms and molecules behave the same way all over the universe, so the creatures that developed there would not be too different from us. They would be different, yes, but not inconceivably different, and perhaps surprisingly similar. The molecules would tend to do the same things no matter where they are. They might have more or less of a particular atom to bond with, so they might not have as much oxygen as we do, or they might not have as much iron as we do, or whatever, and that would make them different.

New life is still being created from scratch on earth right now. I believe that every time lightning strikes the ocean, or something like that, nonliving molecules turn into brand new viruses, or whatever. I don’t know the details. But it didn’t just happen once by accident a long time ago. It is a continuous and neverending process. New life comes from nonliving substances every day. And yeah, probably most of them are viruses.

I want to learn again. It’s been so long since I learned. It’s been so long since I read a book. It’s been so long since I studied. It’s been so long since I was challenged. It’s been so long since I completed a course of studies. I want to start something and finish it.

I want to have that thing happen where you see the new concepts everywhere you go – ‘Hey! That’s a fractal!’ or ‘That’s the Doppler Effect!’ (Some college students were saying that after an ambulance went by.) It was usually math that made my brain do strange things. I got into math really, really, really deeply. I was way behind the rest of my AP Calculus class. They were on a particular chapter, and I was about three chapters behind them. I never did my homework. I sat there in class studying something on one of the pages three chapters ago, trying to understand their explanation to something. I wouldn’t go past it unless I completely and totally understood the logic of every little bit of the explanation. If I didn’t understand it, I could not go on. If they gave me a formula, I couldn’t stand to just accept the formula without learning how to re-derive it. So I would re-derive the Quadratic Formula, for instance (I had to look that up on wikipedia to remember what it was called: I would do that again and again, and if I forgot how to do it, I would spend hours doing it again until I said, ‘Oh yeah, that’s how I did it before.’ And I did this instead of working on the chapter I was supposed to be working on. If the teacher called me up to do a problem on the chalkboard, I would ask how to do it, and then do it for the first time on the chalkboard and get it right. Sometimes I couldn’t. Sometimes I got too far behind and there was no hope of being able to do it by myself. But I was a perfectionist, and could not get past the tiniest thing that I couldn’t understand.

But then I would see math out in the real world and sometimes it was hilariously funny. Sometimes it just made life more interesting than it otherwise was.

When I am learning meteorology, I look at the sky and suddenly it is all meaningful. You might normally ignore the sky. But when you study meteorology, you know what everything means now. When I study geology, I look at the rocks and know what they are.

I have a use for geology now – I want to find the places that have the best rocks for flintknapping. The sandstones on Mt. Nittany are not good for flintknapping. Long-distance trade existed a long time ago, when the natives would get better rocks for flintknapping from faraway places, if they didn’t have good rocks where they were. Flintknapping is when you chip the edges of the rocks to make knives and arrowheads and spear points.

Hmm. I’m trying to download an update and it’s not working. I am going to have to troubleshoot. I’ve had difficulty getting this particular update before, too, so I might not succeed in troubleshooting. I will have to restart the computer.

I guess I will post this now. My goal today was to write the big list of items that I need to buy and sell and total up how much it will cost. This is a very huge decon, not just a partial one, so it’s the most expensive.