St johns wort

I’m seriously so frustrated and miserable I almost feel ready to go eat some St. John’s Wort. I have seen it flowering. However, the metabolites will be excreted through my skin and they will contaminate my clothes and blankets, causing chronic fatigue. I would have some temporary weird behavior, like story writing or music writing, or I would be the victim of external suggestions. That puts me at risk of contacting Matthew. I am not safe from him yet – I have no substitute. He’s a complete fucking retard: if I talk to him he will go into babbling robot mode and keep telling me to go to church. I can call him every name I can think of, but can’t stop loving him, retard or not. I tried calling him a sociopath too and that didn’t work. He cut his hair and that helped, but not entirely. Only a substitute can rip me away from him. So SJW is very, very risky right now. But I am just so miserable and frustrated at my inability to make changes. I *have to* change something.

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