Yeah… looking at that photo is not in my best interests. The battle again. Reopened scars.

Matthew is now burned into my brain. I can see him and am feeling a connection to him all over again. I’m even accepting the delusional belief that he is remembering me and hoping I’ll see it. I have to fight this battle all over again as though it all just happened yesterday. Things like eleuthero make it worse. I do have reasons why I use it – it does help me get stuff done. I fought this battle already! Here it is again. My brain truly does not understand that a photo is not a real person and matthew isn’t directing it at me, but at Hannah and at everyone. It’s like being in love with a celebrity or TV actor. Everyone can see them, not just you.

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