Love and light, because you can’t do anything else useful to actually help anybody

11:40 AM 6/22/2017

‘They don’t care what you do, as long as it’s an unproductive waste of time.’

This is what I’ve been thinking. It describes Ra and the Law of One. It also describes the fake thoughts that are usually going through my brain. I’m still able to meditate, as long as I meditate in such a way that it does not lead towards any practical actions or decisions being made, no matter how trivial those practical actions might be, such as cleaning my room. Whoever it is that set up a zapping program to stop my brain from thinking, they are someone who disvalues all practical action, and I would have to assume it’s probably some sociopath in the Beta Quadra. Whoever they are, they completely disvalue my whole way of thinking, my whole way of being.

I still don’t know the extent to which my symptoms are the result of a flu vaccination I got at State of the Art, Inc in the year 2001 or somewhere around that time, or maybe 2003, I forget now. I forget when I left that job (when I was laid off). I know I got chronic fatigue before that. I’m referring to the zapping symptom.

When I observe it, it’s as though an external pulse of energy is hitting me every few seconds and triggering a mini-seizure in my brain. The pulses of energy are not normal and should not be there, but also, I think the tendency to have a seizure in response to them is also not a normal thing that should not be there, and might be from the vaccine.

I did go to Dr. Metter years ago (he was later accused of fraud and I think he’s out of business right now), and he did a brain scan, maybe an EEG, on me. He said that I was ‘hypervigilant,’ that for some reason, I was constantly alert and unable to ever relax. I am aware of this. This is because I am constantly being zapped with something that causes me to suddenly jerk or buzz out in my brain every few seconds. He could see it happening on the EEG. I really need to get another EEG done.

Putting a shield around me would stop the external pulses, but I believe I still have something inside me that is going to continue to attack me even in a shield; it’s just that its effects will be much less severe and I might be able to *mostly* function the way I want to function.

There is something that this evil artificial intelligence is doing to me, which is, verbalizing everything, even if it’s meant to be nonverbal. All of my thoughts are translated into words, which I can hear being constantly whispered. And the whispered words are misleading – they are stupid, and they have these stupid conventional assumptions that lead me away from my own original insights. If I am trying to think in a particular direction, the whispering words will say something wrong that isn’t what I’m really thinking, and try to lead me some other direction.

I have to experience being inside a shield to find out how much of this stops happening. I really don’t know how much of it is being generated by a virus inside me (from the vaccine) versus coming from an external elecromagnetic source.

The evil Nazi sociopaths at State of the Art, Inc. – I think they gave me this vaccine deliberately. They offered a ‘flu vaccine’ to their employees, but it was probably an experimental mind control vaccine – they had all the connections to the most evil government and military agencies that exist.

However, I did have some kind of zapping going on in the years before that. I noticed something changed whenever I moved to State College – temporarily. I remember noticing, when I slept at my brother John’s apartment, when I stayed there for a while, that I was sleeping more deeply and peacefully than I had slept in a long time, but I hadn’t been aware of the fact that I wasn’t really sleeping (this is a typical targeted individual phenomenon / electronic weapons). I remember sitting in this recliner and meditating and noticing that the meditation was so much more wonderful and peaceful, without
interruptions, and I was happy about that. I was already trying to meditate all the way back in 1997 when I first came here.

But then, the zaps started happening again, and I remember noticing them and not understanding what they were, only that I was no longer meditating as peacefully as I had temporarily been. That indicates that the soul murdering attackers had to move, relocate, and set up their equipment in a new place, which took a little bit of time.

The other thing that would happen when I would meditate is, I would set myself a certain number of minutes to meditate, an arbitrary and unimportant number of minutes, like ten minutes. It truly did not matter how long it was. But somebody would force me to snap out of the meditation exactly right before ten minutes, as though it was life-or-death important that I worship this exact number of minutes, as though something horrible would happen if I didn’t
perfectionistically obey that exact pointless meaningless arbitrary number that I had set.

Number-worshipping is one of the most annoying phenomena that the mind controllers do to me, and they wake me up just before the alarm goes off. If some alarm is set for some arbitrary time on a certain day to remind me of something I need to do, even if it doesn’t matter AT ALL what time it is, like 2:00 in the afternoon, they act as though I have to BE SOMEWHERE at that time, like a life-or-death appointment, and if I’m late, somebody is gonna die. They will do anything to wake me up or get my attention or do something, *before* the alarm goes off at that arbitrary random time, as though it MATTERS. This is one of the stupidest, most retarded, brain-dead things that they do.

And their brain-dead retardation always continues and persists forever, no matter how much I explain to them that this randomly chosen time is unimportant and arbitrary. They are deliberately being stupid as an end in itself, for the sheer joy of being stupid. This is how I know they are sociopaths.

It’s not like my alarm clock is gonna cause a heart attack. I am not that fragile, and my alarms are not that loud.

Anyway, they allow me to meditate on anything I want to meditate at all, as long as it is unproducive, stupid, and pointless. I can pray ‘hail Mary’ if I want to, and I know because I did that the other day after reading about Catholicism and prayer beads, although I was saying it wrong because I hadn’t really read it and hadn’t memorized it. I was saying ‘hail Mary mother of grace’ and it’s really ‘full of grace and blah blah,’ some more stuff.

They were thrilled to let me pray the hail Marys because that is pointless and unproductive and serves absolutely no purpose to me at all. I was doing this with the temporary ‘tiara’ on, and I actually felt more tickling in my forehead while praying this.

But I don’t believe in Christianity, I don’t think it’s a good thing, and if I venture to read even a few paragraphs of the bible I get really angry at Jesus for being such a fucking asshole, even though one of the most assholish quotes that people think he said was actually the character speaking in a parable, and not Jesus himself saying it – it would be like if I were talking about Star Wars and I said that the emperor said ‘I’m gonna kill you all!’ and for the rest of eternity, people took that out of context and claimed that I, Nicole, said that’s what I was gonna do, when I was really quoting the emperor from Star Wars. This was the ‘bring me my enemies and slay them in front of me’ quote. Nope, that wasn’t Jesus, it was ‘The Master,’ a character in a parable that Jesus was telling, although we don’t know why he was telling this parable and we don’t know whether Jesus identifies with the master, or with the person being killed – he said it before being killed, so he’s probably the one being killed by the master, I’m guessing.

Anyway, I can’t stand Jesus even though I know he didn’t actually say that ‘slay them in front of me’ quote. He was still an asshole even if you leave that quote out.

So, I don’t really *want* to pray a bunch of Hail Marys and have a tickly feeling in my forehead. But I was curious to see what would happen if I did what the mind controllers want us all to do – I was ‘being good’ to see what would happen as a result. I wondered if I might get a vision of Mary or something. I didn’t, but that’s because the cat vomited. He was sick for most of that night. I took off all my stones and had to deal with the vomit. I will have to try saying Hail Marys again sometime.

I just got carried away because I was getting a tickly feeling in my forehead while wearing this tiara and meditating, so I was curious if anything new would happen.

But as long as I’m doing something pointless and unproductive, they’re thrilled, and they let me – just like they allow all the other UFO disclosure people in the forums talk about Ra and the Law of One, the Loo. As long as they’re saying ‘Let’s radiate happy feelings, and that will fix everything that’s wrong in the world,’ the mind controllers are happy because no practical action is being taken. The whole belief system is all about radiating happy feelings for the purpose of creating a happy energy field around the planet so that happy things will happen, and it’s all based on teeny tiny grains of truth, which have been distorted and manipulated in such a way as to steer everyone away from practical action, towards useless fantasy and impotence and a total lack of impact on the world or on any real problems.

Again, I agree that there is such a thing as too much negativity, or paid disinformation agents and evil trolls – I just encountered one in another forum, although he indirectly had a positive impact, which was to ‘reawaken’ a topic that had been silent for a day or two, by trolling it with an obnoxious comment that pissed us all off. It was a good topic with practical results, in a targeted individuals forum. The troll being an asshole indirectly had the good consequences of putting a facebook notification for me saying that somebody had posted something else in this topic. So I went and looked at it again, griped at the troll, and then asked the original poster how his test was doing (it’s a shielding test for his brain).

So yes, there is such a thing as horribly negative people who make me feel utterly miserable and hopeless, and I don’t want to read things written by them. But there is also such a thing as negative information which is truthful and necessary. It is not useful to just sit there radiating happy feelings, and doing nothing more than that. I find it annoying when somebody has a real world problem and they get all this ‘I’m sending you love and light’ stuff. I’m just really tired of seeing hundreds of people ‘sending love and light.’

I don’t wanna see that anymore. NO MORE FUCKING LOVE AND LIGHT. HATE AND DARKNESS. No, not really. Not hate and darkness. Just, if you have nothing of practical value to do or say, then shut the fuck up. You might just as well say, ‘I’m pushing a pleasure button inside my brain to make myself feel better because you just said something that caused me to feel emotional distress.’ Oh no! Somebody’s in trouble! I’m far away on the internet and I can’t help them! I’ll push the pleasure button in my brain! That’s what’s really going on here.

The solution: No more internet.

But that’s a project for another day. I want to clean up old emails on an email account that I’m no longer using, and eventually, take some time off from the internet.

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