I went on this long bike ride yesterday

I am feeling *slightly* better because of taking vitamins. I went a very long time eating horrible food when I was camping and didn’t have a refrigerator, and now, I’ve been so tired for so long that I can’t even cook my own food here, so I’m still eating bad food, although slightly less bad. I have a fridge and I’m able to keep food and buy things at the store, but I’m too tired to cook them, partly because of pesticides. I’m sure it’s pesticides now. The tired feeling struck me the very first time I took a nap in this bed, while moving into the apartment after camping.

Matthew – he was an experience. I don’t have such strong emotions now. It definitely helped to see that he cut his hair. I was able to see it because there still appears a photo next to his messages, even though he blocked me, and so I used my secret fake facebook account (used only for emergencies) to look at his page without being blocked. He wasn’t angry enough to block the entire universe and make his page 100% private to everyone, so my fake facebook person was able to see it. That is how I could see the photo better, because the little tiny one next to the message was not easy to see.

If we were in a long term relationship, I would have to ignore his haircuts, as always, because nobody ever does what I want them to do.

I got out of work… didn’t I? what time was it? Did I actually go on this bike ride after 8:00 pm? I only worked 3-8, but these are the longest days of the year. That was why this was possible. I couldn’t understand what time it was, when I tried to remember what I did yesterday, because I got out of work at 8 and still had a lot of daylight for a very long time.

I got on my bike, and I obeyed the impulses – somebody suggested I should turn this way instead of that way. I love changes and adventures, but my chronic fatigue syndrome stops me from having them. So I went one way instead of the other way, and then I went down a long road. I don’t like riding on the road itself if there isn’t a bike path or a large edge to the road. One idiot texting while driving is all that’s needed to kill me, unless I ride on the left side of the road and can see the traffic coming, or have a really effective rearview mirror (they make them, and I think I had one once, but it was so flimsy it didn’t work well and was just a pain to try to use).

I found more serviceberries. Kat and I picked some the other day. They are very good this year. Last year, for some reason, they tasted funny – that was a surprise. They were slightly sickening last year. This year, they taste heavenly. They have this wonderful perfumey background smell and flavor behind the taste. You can only get that from freshly picked foods right off the plant.

I found the tiniest serviceberry tree I had ever seen. It was shorter than I was, almost, like a bush, but covered with perfect berries. I know there is a minimum age for producing berries.

I want a farm where I have native trees growing nuts and berries, and maybe some non-natives that are not obnoxious or invasive. I think mulberry might be a non-native, I forget though, but they are an unusual and uncommon fruit that you find less often in the grocery store – although they do sell them now, and I buy them, at some stores like Wegmans. The not-obnoxious, non-invasive non-natives that I would plant might be Kousa Dogwoods – their pink ball fruits are edible and unusual, but they don’t spread everywhere and take over.

However, fruits and vegetables are much less of a problem in the human diet than meat is. Meat – to do what I want with that, I would have to have self-reliant, self-feeding, free-roaming wild animals, although I don’t mind building a shelter for them if that would increase their population. I wouldn’t mind having a high rise, or an underground high rise, filled with millions of rooms full of wild animals. Also, learning to raise insects for food is on my list of things to do.

The bike ride was actually beautiful and enjoyable. At one moment I was riding under these trees that were dangling over the sidewalk, and they were covered with fragrant flowers that I was breathing the smell of. I do have a weak sense of smell. I could smell that the air was much fresher as soon as I started to go towards the edge of town – oh, it was so much better. It was sweeter, with a feeling of humidity, and the smell of honeysuckle, and something I can’t describe, which has to be the negative ions that are healthy for you, which are produced in forests, and produced from all the rotting stuff on the forest floor – ‘rotting stuff on the forest floor’ sounds like it would produce an unpleasant odor, but in reality it makes the sweetest, freshest air, especially when it gets rained on.

This town is not a huge, polluted town, but even so, it has just enough cars driving around, and just enough bare open space devoid of forests, that I can definitely tell the difference in air quality just by going a short distance away.

I remember Colorado. I went there for the Odyssey of the Mind competition. Was it 1989? I think that sounds right. I had so many adventures in 1989 and around that time period. I wrote them in my diary. I went to Colorado, and I remember being on the mountain, seeing extremely blue skies with extremely white clouds (have the chemtrails ruined that?), and seeing ten foot deep snowbanks even though the weather was not freezing, just cool. We walked around on them. I have that photo where I threw my arms up to embrace the sky, and a group of people were all around me, the other kids on the team.

I am very exhausted today, and I started my period on top of that – I know the pain is from the long bike ride.

How can money transform my life?

I still do not know the exact amounts of money that I will receive, although Dad is sending some. It’s more than the normal amount that I have. I am afraid that if I don’t get another apartment, I will waste all the money sleeping in a hotel after this lease ends. That would destroy the money quickly and easily. I’ve done that before. I destroyed thousands of dollars sleeping in a hotel while camping, a few years ago.

Money can only transform my life if I use it to buy something that will permanently decrease my expenses afterwards.

I don’t trust the economy, and so – I am afraid of investment. It will be horribly painful to watch the stock market crash right after I invest my life savings into it. ‘Horribly painful’ does not describe it: people have committed suicide as a result of this very thing happening to them. I am not saying I would do that, but I understand why someone would feel that way – they worked and slaved a lifetime, to have it destroyed by nothing in a couple of seconds, for no reason, no reason other than that our money system is evil.

I have just enough knowledge of economics to have some vague idea of what can and should be done to protect large amounts of money, but I don’t know how much money it will be. I know of the existence of gold and silver, I know about buying them physically rather than on paper, I know about different currencies, I know about different ways of investing money although I don’t know the details – I know just enough to have a general idea and to know what kinds of things I will need to research and investigate and learn about.

3 Responses to “I went on this long bike ride yesterday”

  1. Anonymous Says:

    Gold and Silver are worthless. Let us say you get 500k for easy math. If it is in a trust the Trust will send you a certain amount monthly. Assuming there aren’t any stipulations for your personal wellbeing you can do what you please with the money. Ideally get an apartment and live your life. If there are stipulations then the trustee will follow them. Meanwhile, the monies not being sent to you will be invested according to an investment policy if there is one. Ideally, the money would be invested in conservative dividend or interest bearing investments.

    Let’s say you get a lump some of the 500k. You’ll have multiple options. Some might recommend a type of annuity for 1/2 of it. That would contract with an insurance company where they pay you a set amount indefinitely. Either way, you should simply rely on someone you trust.

    Why do I say gold and silver are worthless? Because in an economic meltdown, martial law, or a post-apocalyptic scenario the only precious metal the will matter is brass. And the Christians might think of this -Heal the sick, raise the dead, cleanse the lepers, drive out demons. Freely you have received; freely give. 9Do not carry any gold or silver or copper in your belts. 10Take no bag for the road, or second tunic, or sandals, or staff; for the worker is worthy of his provisions.…

  2. Nicole Says:

    Well, you do have a point about one thing, which is that some of the annuity is probably already invested in something right now. I actually am clueless about the details of how any of it works. Or rather, the remainder of the money would be invested in something already during the time when I was receiving payments.

    I think what’s bothering me is, I am actually more paranoid and distrusting about the economy than my father is. Whatever he has done to protect the money now, I feel anxious that it isn’t enough protection. And he’s had the experience of seeing huge losses in his investments during economic downturns, and I’ve never experienced that.

    I became convinced by an argument for physical gold and silver years ago, but it’s hard to explain, and the argument assumes that nobody will find a way to artificially produce infinite amounts of those metals anytime soon.

    As for freely giving money, I do actually feel the desire to do that, and yet feel very inhibited – I feel like any money that I receive isn’t really mine, and I can’t spend it freely. If I do anything that my dad disapproves of, he might not want to give money to me. I feel like, if only I can invest it myself, actively, and make a profit with it myself, from whatever I invested in on my own, then *that* profit would be mine to freely spend. Just receiving the money passively, I can’t spend it on whatever I want, but if I am actively doing something to earn an investment income with that money on my own, then I feel like I’m being independent and I’m safe enough to spend my earnings. It’s hard to explain. I guess I just want to know that my source of income won’t be suddenly cut off because I did something wrong.

  3. Anonymous Says:

    That are never any guarantees. Period.

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