Inflexible scheduling is the reason why people quit their jobs when they don’t really want to; thinking about the battle for freedom, and why people won’t fight

McDonald’s has flexible scheduling, but that is only possible at a place that’s set up like McDonald’s. The entire system is designed to be flexible. It’s able to be operated with more, or fewer, people. I don’t love everything about McDonald’s, especially not the way McD is nowadays, but some tiny fragments of the original vision are still there, from the actual McDonalds brothers whose restaurant was taken over by Ray Kroc.

I have an emergency, and I also have chronic fatigue and chemical sensitivity. I don’t know what it is in this apartment that makes me feel like a truck ran over me. I only know that my fatigue has been extremely severe in this location. It varies. I am not fatigued badly all the time no matter what. It responds to the environment, and I can make it better or worse.

I am so tired here that I can’t even think a thought, and not only that, the noise of the cars constantly going by outside is extremely stressful, even with my earplugs in.

I have to move out by July 23, but in reality I have to get out before that, and get the apartment cleaned. I have to clean this carpet.

I have to find a place to put all my stuff. And 3,000 other people are all going to be moving out simultaneously on the same day, so I won’t be able to assume that I can just move all my bags down to the bike rack area and leave them there for a while as I’m moving. And it will be pouring rain in buckets, because it always pours rain in buckets on the day when I’m moving. That particular factor is set in stone and is inevitably going to be part of the plan. I know it from years of experience. Moving day = the day when our county gets record-breaking inches of rainfall, no matter what year it is, no matter what location I live in, no matter how much or how little stuff I have to move. I could be living in the Sahara desert and that would be the day when we got the first monsoon in a thousand years.

I absolutely cannot do this while working five days a week. I requested for my hours to be cut, but the result was that she gave me a bunch of shorter days and I’m still going to work five days a week. It is exactly like working full time. I cannot do anything on a day when I have to work at all, regardless of whether I work in the morning or afternoon and regardless of how short the hours are.

Cyn has problems of her own, but she, like everyone else, doesn’t understand what chronic fatigue syndrome is. I can explain to her that I feel tired, and her response is ‘Oh, me too,’ like everyone. Everybody feels tired! All the time! We’re all overworked! You’re just a complainer who can’t suck it up like everybody else does!

That is not chronic fatigue syndrome. Chronic fatigue syndrome is a metabolic disorder with unknown cause, multiple causes at once, or several different possible causes determined on a case-by-case basis. It means that when you use up your energy, it takes days and days to get it back, when for a normal person, they recover the next day. You use glycogen or something weird, something abnormal, with anaerobic respiration instead of the normal aerobic respiration.

Cyn has problems, but she does not have chronic fatigue syndrome. She has a back injury and implants and unnecessary surgery as a result of medical malpractice and as a result of giving birth the mainstream way, at a hospital, instead of doing natural childbirth at home. Her spine was permanently injured by the epidural injections, and her spine injury got worse and worse; she got surgically implanted bone grafts or something, and metal rods, and other stuff, and it all just made it worse, and she’s in constant pain and needs pain medication.

As real as that is, and as bad as I feel for her, that still has to be distinguished from ‘chronic fatigue syndrome.’ She does not have the exact same problem that I have. She HAS ENERGY and is ABLE TO DO WORK and is able to RECOVER FROM EXERTION THE NEXT DAY like a normal person, and does not have the metabolic abnormalities that I have or the chemical sensitivity that I have.

So I can feel that she doesn’t really understand where I’m coming from or how hard this is for me. I am not making this up to get attention or because I am lazy. I physically cannot think a thought and cannot motivate myself to take action except in a situation of extreme panic and threats, like, the police are coming to evict me and the maintenance men will throw all my belongings into the dumpster, tomorrow, and everyone is angry at me and everyone hates me and I’m a total reject from the universe.

I need to move BEFORE WE REACH THAT POINT.

The only way I can do any work at home at all is if I am not working five days a week. I *have to* change my schedule. If she cannot put me down to two days a week, then I am going to HAVE TO take time off involuntarily, not knowing if they will let me return to work there.

Why can’t they grasp this? Why can’t businesses understand that you need to control your schedule? Why do they have this insane, stupid, all-or-nothing belief system about how you’re scheduled? All of them always do things this way, with a tiny number of exceptions like McDonald’s. All of them think that you must work 100 hours a week, or zero. That’s all you get. You get 100 hours a week and you’re supposed to be happy about it, and if you’re not happy about it, fine, you can quit your job and have zero. That’s how it’s done,
everywhere. They are absolutely fucking insane, and evil. That is NOT how it has to be. That is not inevitable. That is not the way of things. That is not the only option for how things can be done. That is not the only possible way.

I am just so sick of our entire fucking society and how they do things. I made up that word ‘nakrivich’ as kind of a joke, to sum up all the evils in society, all the forces, all the way things are done, it’s all nakrivich. Nakrivich is the way we do things. Nakrivich is the stupid, bad way that we do things, which causes all of our problems. That’s what that word means. I just needed a new word other than merely ‘evil,’ which is too vague. Nakrivich is more specific and it has more of a meaning of ‘how we all do things in this society, which is the cause of all our problems, and which needs to be changed.’ It just had to be a specific, weird word that didn’t already exist.

I didn’t really feel like writing about this, but I was thinking about it while lying in bed. I was thinking of the reason why people are not willing to die fighting for their beliefs. It’s because our entire society is fragmented and scattered, and people don’t know each other and have no bonds with each other. You never meet your neighbors, and they move from place to place all the time. You move thousands of miles away to get a job in your field, because you have a college degree and a huge debt to pay off, and you can’t *not* get a job in your field, working as a waitress, because you won’t be able to pay off the debt and you’ll be in debt forever.

You never know the people around you, you have nothing in common with them, no values in common, and no feeling of an eternal, long-lasting bond with them that will continue after your death. If you bonded with the people all around you, and knew that you all had the same desire, and you knew it would continue after your death, and you knew that your death would help these other people who lived to achieve their goal, then you’d be willing to die in battle for your beliefs. But when you are an isolated person, and nobody around you cares about any of your values, then you know they won’t care whether you live or die and they won’t care what you died for, and your death does nothing to advance their goals, which are diverse and conflicting.

There are people out there who know the enemy and would fight against it, but they are scattered all over the world in small numbers, and they are divided by trolls who prevent them from talking to each other without being interrupted by garbage. Communicating with them over the internet is impossible, but finding them in person is also impossible. There is no way to find these people in person, and you can’t even so much as put up a paper ad on a cork board without getting caught. You can’t advertise online. We do not have free speech, and we do not have freedom of association.

So yeah, there is a war worth fighting, and there are things worth dying for – free will – the literal, physical free will of the brain, the freedom to think a thought without being electronically mind controlled. If I knew that my neighbors all agreed with me that this was an urgent, important thing worth dying for, then I could fight in a battle at risk of death. I would know that they continued their battle after my death and that there was hope of achieving the goal.

But society and the powers that be have done everything they can to undermine a sense of community, a sense of agreement between people, shared values between people, bonds between neighbors.

So that’s what I was thinking about as I was lying in bed this morning, after taking my caffeine pills to wake up.

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