I dreamed of another mom who looked exactly like mom

I don’t remember where I was, maybe at the house in West Virginia, maybe somewhere else. Mom had died. But then there was this replacement Mom who looked exactly like the original, except with perhaps some extremely subtle differences in her face. She seemed to be confused and disoriented. She didn’t really know who she was and didn’t really remember why she was there. We had to reintroduce her into the family and – I just remembered what the voice said. It said something like, ‘You are always welcome here.’ She was talking to us and telling us about herself, and it was very sad, because she didn’t seem to be sure that she was our mom. And it was hard to accept her, because we knew mom had died and this woman looked almost exactly like mom except with those tiny differences in her face. I think she was… playing tennis? Why was she playing tennis?

She was sort of younger and healthier, mom like I remember her at her middle age. I just remember this terrible sadness at how she had lost her memory of who she was, and she was struggling to remember. She liked us, but she didn’t have all the memories of being with us all those years. We were doing everything we could to welcome her in and make her feel accepted in our family. It felt strange to see someone who looked like mom, but wasn’t, and to try to love her, reassure her, make her feel accepted. I had to understand that this new mom was her own person, as an individual, and not ‘my mom.’ She had to be a whole new independent person. She was going to be slightly different from mom, and we had to accept that, and just allow her to be whoever she was. We couldn’t expect her to be *exactly* like mom. We had to allow her to develop her own interests, her own hobbies, her own knowledge, her own friends, and her own experiences. Maybe she wouldn’t necessarily be a horse lover like our mom was. Maybe she would have some other interests instead. She might not end up doing all the exact same things mom did, and that had to be okay.

I don’t know if this person in the dream was actually mom’s dead body reawakened, or a whole different person, or an android or something artificial. I had this feeling that the person had been newly created, perhaps artificially, and given to me. But I knew that she was alive and a person who had the right to live and the right to be herself. I didn’t want to harm her and I didn’t want her to suffer. I wanted her to get her life figured out, and she had to find something that she herself was interested in, rather than being forced to be interested in all the same things mom used to do.

I don’t remember when I woke up. I just remember looking into her eyes, looking at her face, and seeing that she looked kind of confused and sad.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: