Didn’t go to ‘soulful sundown’ at church. Does the UU have a lot of Beta Quadra people?

I took a nap after cleaning for a while. I had intended to go to the UU church’s ‘Soulful Sundown,’ because it’s usually easier for me to go to anything that happens in the evening. But after I woke up from my nap, I suddenly decided that I didn’t feel like going, and nobody urged me or encouraged me to. I just heard a voice that shouted ‘You promised!!!’ as though I (or somebody else) had broken the promise.

I think I have some really shitty handlers right now. Things are not going very well. I have very brief, intermittent moments with people who seem benevolent who are able to encourage me or give me the right kind of vision of what needs to be done, people who make me feel good enough to do the things I need to do, but most of it, right now, is either just apathetic and indifferent, or giving me a kind of hostile negative feeling, or sometimes outright making fun of me. It’s a lack of support, and maybe not quite so much a hostile aggression attacking me or preventing me, although I still cannot access my own mind at all – there is a constant running stream of voices and garbage and gibberish that blocks me from my own mind.

Maybe the church is still open. I could wander over there and see what’s going on. I know the thing is over by now though.

I just have difficulties whenever I encounter too many people who are ENFJs and INFPs, and not enough people who are ENFPs and INFJs. When I used to go to the Game Night at the UU, and when I met a couple people in the Atheist Meetup Group, some of them were Beta Quadra types, and, not to say that those people are bad or that something’s wrong with them, but rather, because of socionics, when I’m an ISTP, the way they process information causes me to experience painful stress, and vice versa – we cannot relax and be ourselves together.

It’s kind of annoying – when I find a church whose ideas I agree with, in principle, like for instance how I once took an online test and got ‘unitarian universalist’ as the type of church I would be most similar to, besides just ‘atheist,’ well, it might turn out that the wrong type of people all go to that church. Whereas, the right type of people, the Delta Quadra, all tend to go to the most mainstream, most normal, most orthodox Christian churches, the ones that I absolutely do not resonate with at all and find horribly, unbearably boring to listen to.

But the only way I can find out is if I am able to go there, at all, to the UU, and get some support and encouragement to keep on going there over and over again.

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