for some reason I’m very annoyed

I don’t know what I’m having a reaction to. I’m not merely annoyed ‘because of something.’ A long lasting annoyance is caused by something specific.

I know I still have trich, because I can feel bubbling. This parasite causes frothing in the vaginal fluids, which I could never see, but I feel it – those were the ‘crawling sensations.’ Over the next few days the infection will regrow.

It looks like it will be susceptible to pawpaw, but I’m afraid to try the pawpaw because it absolutely is emetic. I almost threw up from drinking the tea I made that came from the winter twigs harvested in January during the time when their chemical constituent is lowest. I think that was when I heated the tea. When I just soaked it cold, it didn’t make me sick. I don’t know how on earth cancer patients can even swallow one single pill long enough to absorb anything to treat their cancer, but maybe enemas would work. I just don’t have any tools right now to give myself an enema. I seriously would try that, on a day when I didn’t have to go to work, so that if I spent the day vomiting, I wouldn’t have to call off.

I’m going to try vinegar too. I need something like that turkey baster that we used to have at my parents’ house. I seem to remember Mom showing me how to use something like that for douching. However I think there is also a douche that was okay at the pharmacy – no wait, I forgot, they said don’t douche with an STD. I’ll use vinegar somehow, not sure how, maybe using the tampon method that I used with the tea tree oil. I didn’t do the tea tree oil every day, only once, to observe the side effects. It does cause me to have strange and unpleasant sensations after a few minutes.

I’m annoyed at Amazon because of their ‘add-on items’ bullshit, something which is small and they won’t ship it if you haven’t spent $25. I did buy a couple things on Amazon but I didn’t want to spend as much money as I had to spend to get one particular thing that I had the idea to get. If I could only drive a car to go shopping at the Nature’s Pantry store, because it’s a huge pain in the ass to ride the bus to get there – the buses to it are infrequent and you have to walk a long way from the bus up a hill – then I’d be able to get some of the things I got there. I ordered them from Amazon simply because it’s easier for me to pick them up at the UPS store than it is to make an errand to go to Nature’s Pantry.

I broke down and wrote a note mentioning that if Cyn needed to cut my hours, she could, because students aren’t here. I don’t feel very comfortable about this, but Dad is giving me some money every month to help me pay my rent. I don’t want to rely too much on that – it makes me anxious and I don’t like having to beg for it. Dad isn’t sadistic about it, he just might forget, and I don’t like demanding money from him – he told me to remind him if he forgot. I just have such severe fatigue that I can’t run a single errand or do a single task around the hours that I am working. There’s plenty of time around my job in theory, but only if you’re not a chronically fatigued chemical sensitive person who’s still in the process of troubleshooting. I’ve been going through a very bad spell of fatigue.

I did do one thing, which was, I scrubbed the bathtub with Comet scouring cleanser. I had to do this because there is something in there, some residue, causing fatigue when I take a bath. Taking a bath does it, but taking a shower doesn’t, or rather, it’s less. It still gets on the bottoms of my feet. I know this from past experience – when I had lots of drug residue contamination in the apartment long ago, I had to scrub the bathtub or taking a shower or bath would put new residues on me. Only a scouring cleanser will get it off there. It has to be a sandy kind with limestone or whatever they put in it.

I haven’t done the laundry in an extremely long time. I also have these new man’s pants that are excessively big because of my extreme impatience with shopping. I need some that fit a little better. I should also try to wash and shrink them. Three out of four of them have a huge bulging crotch, which makes them embarrassing to wear. The fourth pair doesn’t have such a huge crotch, so now I’ve been wearing only one pair of pants over and over again – like before I went out and bought pants. I need to do the laundry! These pants are pale tan and they show all the dirt.

So it still seems as though sage does something for my brain, in addition to rosemary. They both do different things, and when I use them together I get the best benefit. Live rosemary wasn’t available at the grocery store, and trying to find it would require an errand, which is extremely costly, ranging from difficult to impossible. Jason had live rosemary when I lived at their house. I’ve also left my two avocado trees there, but I kind of want to give them as a gift, even though that’s a strange gift that they might not really want, especially since I don’t think they even eat avocados.

Pawpaw for trichomoniasis – it looks likely. They use fermentation, just like cancer.

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