Doing well on Flagyl; met some kid and had a dream about him; prevent written communication to prevent breakups; why on earth would I want to watch 50 Shades Darker???? NO

5:24 PM 5/6/2017

I’m not doing too badly on the Flagyl, but I still have to get through several more days of it. I have some mild side effects that I am paying attention to to see if they get any worse. I haven’t been extremely nauseated. On the first day, I almost threw up in the middle of the night, but I figured out, once again, that I have to keep eating, all day long, to stop being sick. It’s like low blood sugar. Low sugar always caused Peter to vomit. I’ve experienced it too. I can’t let my stomach be too empty for too long or I start to feel sick, when I’m on this Flagyl.

The STD symptoms are still not completely gone, even after several days, but I was reading about antibiotics, and I’m suspecting this one is working as ‘bacteriostatic’ (except with parasites, I just don’t know the word for that), which means, they stop reproducing but don’t die right away. So you have to take it longer. The goal is to let them die off, and make sure they can’t produce the next generation.

The side effect that I’m paying attention to is a very mild burning in my feet and hands, which is barely noticeable and is not constant. That could potentially be bad. I also have mild itchy skin, and I’m not going to call it a ‘Herxheimer reaction,’ I’m just going to say it’s a direct reaction to the pills, because I believe Herxheimer reactions are almost always an incorrect interpretation of what is happening.

I’m depressed and tired, probably partly because of the Flagyl and also the rainy cloudy cold weather. It is May. That means the time has hemorrhaged away instantly, the year is nearly halway over, we are past the vernal equinox, and in the blink of an eye, it will be winter again, unless I go to a location where they do not have a winter season. In all this time that passed since the beginning of the year, I got nothing done.

The only important thing that I got done was, I spent a couple seconds falling in love with my dual, before I lost him. That never happened before.

I’m reading The Ascension Mysteries. I know David Wilcock is an ENFP, even if I can’t convince anyone of it in the socionic realm. I’ve been reading the book so long I got tired of it and needed to change activities. I’ve been reading it nearly constantly since I picked it up at the UPS store yesterday. I’m now 1/3 of the way through this book which is about 1-1/2 inches thick. The only reason I could do this is because I’m off work today.

I met a kid outside the grocery store a few days ago. He was out in front of the store asking for money so he could take a bus back to Philadelphia. This kid was somewhat fat. I heard him asking a lady before me, and she said, ‘I’m sorry, I don’t have any cash.’ I was walking past at that moment. I stopped walking, turned and went to him, and said, ‘What happened?’ He told me his story. He was traveling by himself, it seems. At one point I asked him how old he was and he said fifteen. He had also been to Peru, after getting enough money from a crowdfunding campaign – I forget which site he used. He told me, I just can’t remember it right now. This was somehow a field trip or school trip or something. We got along well, and I guessed he was an ESTJ.

I went into the store, got some cash from the MAC machine, and then got a little bit of change by buying something, and got stuck in line for several minutes, but he was still out there. I saw some other guy give money to him. He told me later, he hadn’t even asked that guy, the guy just gave it to him, so he must have heard him asking someone else. I also gave him a few bucks, not much, like $4.

We talked for a couple minutes. I followed the ‘new rule,’ which was actually very easy to follow, and actually, doing anything other than this would have been unnatural for me. The new rule was, if you fall in love with someone (although I wasn’t in love with this kid, but was just making friends with him), don’t exchange phone numbers, facebooks, emails, addresses, or anything else that can be used to WRITE to someone, because writing is the root of all evil. The only thing that caused these crazy events to happen to me over the past few decades is writing. I could never, ever have said those things out loud that I said to Matthew in writing, and so he never would have cut me off.

The only way to meet someone again, in that case, if you do not exchange any numbers, or emails, is to allow the mind controllers to force the two of you to meet again. This sounds like the equivalent of ‘put it in God’s hands,’ except it is not. The world that we live in is so evil, so corrupted, and so controlled, in every way, on every level, that there is almost no freedom at all. It is simply not possible to meet people and fall in love with them due to the entire structure of our whole society, which I was calling ‘nakrivich,’ all the forces of evil combined, all of that in society that makes us unable to live. One of the forces of nakrivich is land ownership and rent payments, which causes us to have to become money slaves in order to be allowed to exist, and money slavery prevents us from meeting people and falling in love, because all of our time, every day, is spent working and then going home.

So, the only thing that can bring people together who would otherwise never cross paths with each other is mind control, which forces people to suddenly get the urge to go someplace they would otherwise not go. Nakrivich is very effective at preventing good people from finding each other, getting together, falling in love, or cooperating on goals. It is universal poverty, forcing everyone, all the time, to live paycheck to paycheck and never to have any free time.

There is also the mind control that stops us from having impulses and obeying the impulses. I could have left this town that I hate years ago if I had been allowed to just get on a bus and leave town, on impulse.

It is a ‘gnostic’ kind of ‘faith in god.’ The people controlling us are evil – to control is an act of evil – but there is nothing I can do except wait for them to control me and others in a way that benefits me, because I cannot do it myself. I don’t call that ‘faith,’ I call it resignation. It is not a happy or positive feeling. It is learned helplessness acquired after decades of extreme trauma, constant torture, and constant zapping that makes it impossible to focus my mind on anything at all regardless of how important, or how trivial, it is.

Well, then I had this dream the other night. In reality, I had seen a glimpse of a person at MM a few days ago. He was a fat person with brown skin, someone from another country, who had those wart-like skin tags all over his back and neck. I’ve seen them before. I just don’t know what they’re called other than ‘skin tags.’ There are people who have wart viruses that cause all of their skin to grow uncontrollably, until people say it looks like tree bark. This wasn’t that severe.

I just happened to notice this in passing, and it was unimportant, but the mind controllers were making note of it – either they caused it to happen, as in, they caused that person to go there so that they could see my reaction to this, or else they were paying attention to my reactions and saw that something was unusual. It wasn’t extremely unusual to me though – I’ve seen such things before.

So they gave me a dream with a fat brown person who had those skin tags all over him. In the dream I made friends with him. This represented the kid who I had been talking to in front of Weis. I hugged the guy in the dream, although I didn’t hug the kid I met in real life. This guy told me he had gone to the catacombs of Egypt (I already know, with disgust, that this is a sex joke, based on previous dreams, previous voices in my head, and so on – ‘Egypt’ is ‘the pyramids,’ which are my breasts because they are small, and any kind of tunnel at all, in any location, is always a bodily orifice, so a catacomb of Egypt would be the vagina.). The catacombs of Egypt had been much deeper and more fascinating than he had ever imagined. He had found amazing things there. This also mirrored the real kid telling me about going to Peru.

He brought me a new bible, which had a shiny black cover. It was bible-sized, but I know it represented the Ascension Mysteries book, which is much larger. I think he even said ‘I brought you a new bible.’ I think that might have been when I hugged him, at the end of the dream, not the beginning. When we hugged, I could hear people somewhere far away cheering with joy. I think someone said, ‘They love each other!’ Then I woke up.

The real kid and I did get along really well, but, as I said, I figured he was an ESTJ. His name was Isaiah, yet another biblical name. I eventually told him I needed to leave so I could go eat, and he let me go, and instead of exchanging numbers or giving him an email, I just said, ‘Well, if you do ever move into this town’ (because he had said his family might be moving here), ‘I’m here,’ I said, kind of shrugging, to say, ‘I’m here somewhere, and you might run into me again.’ I did tell him I worked at MM, but that isn’t something that could cause me to write letters to him. The only thing that must be prevented is the writing of any form of letters, including letters on paper.

Any form of communication in which you cannot see constant feedback, constant reactions, from the person you’re talking to, has to be prevented. You must be able to see their face and body and voice reacting to what you say, at every second. In that situation, I am unable to talk in ways that cause people to reject me and block me. I don’t know how I will prevent myself from writing paper notes and giving them by hand, though. That also causes problems.

I have to be in the position of a helpless animal, like a dog or cat never knowing when its owner will come home. They have no control over which owner gets them. They have no control over being given away to another owner. If they liked a particular owner, too bad, they don’t get to choose who they stay with. I have to be in that same position with my loved ones, because if I am able to write letters to them in any way at all, it will cause them to reject me and block me, since I can say things in writing that I cannot say out loud, and these things always, without fail, HORRIFY PEOPLE. I can’t guarantee that I will always be drug-free like I am now – being drug-free is also crucial to not saying the things that horrify people.

I think I’m going to watch a movie. For some weird reason I had the urge to watch Fifty Shades Darker (I was about to call it ‘Fifty Shades Grayer’), even though I absolutely loathed the first movie, and only watched it because of a discussion in a socionics forum in which somebody said it was a Beta quadra movie. Watching that movie was so painful, it violated me deeply in the most horrible way, leaving me exhausted and sick afterwards. That is a socionic function, the interaction between Betas and Deltas. Why would I want to make myself feel that way again? I might watch a couple minutes of it, and if it makes me feel too badly violated, I can find something more cheerful to watch.

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