I found a medicaid card, and will try to go to the doctor today

Unless ‘hell or high water,’ or the apocalypse, or some strange accident happens, I will get over to the doctor’s office today, the urgent care clinic thing that the other clinic recommended, to get tested and try to get antibiotics. I had to dig through a big bag of papers, and was thinking this would take all afternoon, but instead I found the medicaid card after pulling out like four or five pieces of paper. It was right there on top.

I can only try. I do not know if these unreliable tests will be able to diagnose what is infecting me. The other clinic’s tests both came back negative for gonorrhea and chlamydia, which means either that their tests don’t work, or I have some other infection like
trichomoniasis, which they cannot test for at that other clinic, but supposedly they can at the urgent care clinic.

I’m expecting ALL tests to come back negative – I know from experience that stupid people put all their faith in these tests that don’t even work, then they stubbornly insist that nothing is wrong with you, because their test told them so, when I can clearly and obviously see and feel that SOMETHING IS WRONG, and it’s an infection, and I got it from that unpleasant person who I reluctantly had sex with against my own preferences.

It is an infection. If it has no test, it is still an infection. If the tests are unreliable, it’s still an infection. I don’t know what to expect from these doctors at the urgent care clinic. I know from experience that tests for anything at all always come back negative, no matter how sick you really are, because THE TESTS DO NOT WORK. THE TESTS DO NOT WORK. I can scream it in all caps a hundred times. The tests do not work. They keep using them and insisting that they must work because somebody somewhere said they worked, but they absolutely do not work, and I don’t expect them to work. They give millions of false negatives. Then the doctors tell you that you’re a
hypochondriac who’s imagining it all, instead of realizing that the tests are all wrong.

I have to take a bus to get there. I should find out when the bus runs so I don’t go sit out at the bus stop for half an hour.

I don’t know what to expect… I hate doctors…. I hate medicine…. I hate things that don’t work but are extremely expensive…. I hate people telling me I’m just a hypochondriac imagining my symptoms. However, I hate this infection more than those things, so I will try to go get it cured.

If I keep trying over and over to cure this, and it doesn’t work, I’m going to have to start using some toxic natural medicine, and I don’t want to do that. Believe it or not, the herbs and things are sometimes more toxic than antibiotics. I know sandalwood supposedly treats gonorrhea, but I don’t know if it cures it permanently. I know I’m sensitive to all medicinal herbs and that I will react badly to a high dosage of anything, and a high dose would be needed to cure an STD.

I will try. I hate this, but I will try.

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