not enough time to write again. Jesse comes home; organic plants; salsa triggers coffee cravings

I was thinking of writing before work but I started listening to music instead. Jesse is flying home today. I don’t know exactly what time he will be here. I can’t have sex with him and probably shouldn’t kiss him on the mouth either, but I haven’t told him that. I already know it’s not going to go very well, but I’ve been detached from Jesse for so long that it won’t hurt too much. He’ll be here for a while seeing his family, but he wants to go someplace else. He’s not in the army anymore. We won’t be together very much.

I have no idea what to expect with my money inherited from Mom. So I kind of can’t make plans mentally for what I am going to do. I know the money needs to be protected, and it needs to be allocated. My family believes that buying organic food is a waste of money, so I am wasting money merely by eating; but I believe all food should be organic by law.

I have two avocado trees growing at the Youngs’ house. One was planted from a regular avocado seed, and the other from the seed of an organic avocado. Both are growing in the same soil. The one from the regular avocado seed had all these insect bites on the leaves, and it was taller. The one from the organic seed had no insect bites at all on the leaves, and it was shorter. Merely growing from THE SEED of an organic plant changes how it will grow forever. The seed itself is malformed somehow and destined to become a weaker plant if it comes from a conventional seed. I thought buying organic seeds was kind of pointless until I saw this. It was an unintentional test. It’s basically the same thing as Weston Price.

Organic plants don’t need pesticide if they are grown from organic seeds. But they will need pesticide if they are grown from
conventional seeds. (This is a hypothesis – it needs tested more.) All plants grown conventionally are weaker and sicker, but they may be taller, at the expense of good health and strength. It’s fake tallness triggered by one of those three minerals, nitrogen, potassium, and phosphorus, minerals chosen for the *appearance* that they create in the plants of bigness and greenness, a shallow appearance without any substance behind it.

It’s frustrating not having time to write. I’m not off caffeine yet. I have been drinking decaf at work, which puts me at risk of going back. Anything with tomatoes or garlic in it triggers an unbearable craving – I have to get rid of the salsa, sadly, even though I love the salsa. I really won’t be safe if I try to finish that container of it. It is extremely dangerous. I know from experience how powerful of a craving it triggers, and I forgot, and had some yesterday.

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