I won’t have time to write

However, I am reviewing my memories of every little thing that I can remember happening with Matthew. I cannot remember the *feeling* very easily, because the feeling was one of happiness and trust, which has been destroyed, and I cannot create imaginary emotions in my mind – I have very little control over emotions. But I am remembering events – we did this, then we did that – and I will write them down.

I was sleeping in this morning. Yesterday at work, I drank two, long-drawn-out cups of decaffeinated coffee. I added water to them as the level went down, and it became paler and paler until it was a pale yellow. Then I got a refill of decaf and drank it again, although I didn’t add water for as long of a time now. It was just very unpleasant.

This morning, I slept longer and longer, and kept waking up, and looking at the clock, only to see that very little time had passed by since the last time I woke up. I swear I looked at, like, 10:45 am two or three times, it seemed like.

The reason why I have no time is because my roommate is going to cook something with a friend at noon, and she invited me a couple days ago. They have an air fryer, which sounds kind of like the same thing as a convection oven, and I am going to see how it works. Apparently the chicken is going to float in antigravity inside there so the air is touching all of the surfaces or something. Or maybe the air vortex is so strong it lifts the chicken up off the bottom surface of the container. I don’t know. I’ll have to see. I can kind of make fun of this, knowing what I know about healthy fats and unhealthy fats, knowing that you don’t have to avoid all fat, but actually, though, if we’re eating factory farm American chicken we certainly don’t need to add any fat to it.

I should start getting ready. I ate a few M&Ms. There is still half the package left. That is a caffeine source.


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