I asked Steve for help

Steve offered to help me, last time he saw me at MM. I need his support as I’m going to try to move Jacob here tonight. I need moral support because of all the terrible emotions that I feel as I’m traumatizing my cat. I hate, hate, hate moving Jacob. But if any progress or change is going to occur in my life, I need to go someplace where I have a stable infrastructure and can organize things. In the long run, that doesn’t mean ‘an apartment,’ it means owning my own land. But for now, it means ‘an apartment’ simply because I can’t risk setting up infrastructure on land I don’t own and having the police and/or local retards tear it all down.

I really, really hope Steve calls me back tonight. It’s very important. I left him a message. He goes out and around town and just wanders and does random things. So, he doesn’t have a phone with him at all times. He’s still from the phoneless generation.

Matthew and I talked, and he told me all about how he’s madly in love with a girl back home and she only wants to be a friend, and he tried to tell her not to be just a friend, and she didn’t want to be his girlfriend, but then later said she did, and blah, blah, blah. I know from experience that this situation is hopeless, and that he will either get with her eventually, or he will go find someone else, but from what he says, he definitely won’t be with me at all. This is another Rick DeLong type of situation: a person who is incapable of any genuine sympathy for me, just a pretense at it for a short time because he thinks he’s supposed to as a Christian. When it comes time to help me with something I really need, he won’t be there.

I have a feeling that I’m going to have sex with Mark, the super-fat guy who was too stupid to communicate with anything other than winking emojis or write any sentence longer than a few words. That’s how my life is going to go. It’ll be easier now that I’m in a room. We’ll ride the bus here and I’ll start having terrible sex with extremely unattractive people, just to forget that Matthew ever existed – I can see the future and that’s what I see. Terrible sex with horribly unattractive people. Future planned! Let’s go! Anything to forget Matthew.

Even if Hannah continues to reject him, he will still easily find other girlfriends, lots of them, and he won’t ever feel the need to break down and get with somebody like me, an older woman with an unconventional appearance. All ENFP males want are trophy wives with conventional beauty – neatly shaved, face plastered with makeup, hair elaborately styled and filled with chemicals, short shorts, and so on. The only ENFP males who will tolerate having a woman with an unconventional appearance are: from foreign countries, basically anywhere except the USA, or extremely fat, so fat that even I look like a ‘trophy wife’ in comparison, or just boring stupid retards who have so few brain cells to rub together that they simply cannot grasp the simplest concept of anything at all that I care about or am interested in, who are so average and so mainstream that they completely accept the world as it is and can’t imagine that anything could ever be wrong with it, or anything could or should ever be different from the way it is.

So Steve… call me back. I need your help to get my cat over here. I need moral support and I need someone to open the doors while I’m carrying him.

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