Clueless newbies are in my head; the fire spinner in the woods

I didn’t go to WV, but I did end up renting a car and trying to get some of my belongings moved out of the tent. So far, all I got out were the big bags of trash, and I’ve done my laundry, and it helps to have a car to do those things.

The voice in my head was urging me to keep working on this task of getting the trash bags down the hill and into the car so I could take them to a dumpster. I still haven’t taken them to a dumpster yet and I’d better not forget them and leave them in the trunk of the car. As if my reputation with Enterprise Rental isn’t bad enough already. A while ago I rented a car from them and got a scrape on the bumper; last time I rented from them, I ran out of minutes on my phone and didn’t answer when they were calling me to ask why I was late returning the car when I came back from WV after Mom’s death; I had credit card problems and had a hard time paying the bill last time.

I had wanted to take a nap before continuing to work on bringing the bags down the hill, but the voice didn’t want me to. I told it I have chronic fatigue syndrome and I can’t do a lot of heavy work in one day. The voice didn’t believe chronic fatigue syndrome was real, and it urged me to keep working. I asked the voice if it was a clueless newbie, or just pretending to be one, for fun. It said it was, actually, a clueless newbie. The people who know me well know that chronic fatigue is real, and it’s been proven in tests where they measured something with people riding exercise bikes. The normal people improved on the second and third day; the chronic fatigue sufferers got worse on the second and third day because they used up all their glycogen – they were using the limited stores of glycogen for anaerobic respiration, which was abnormal, instead of using aerobic respiration.

I caught chronic fatigue syndrome in 1999. I do not know the route of entry of this disease and have dozens of theories of what it was and how I got it. It was an acute attack followed by lifelong chronic fatigue which has lasted for 18 years so far.

So I persisted in taking the trash down. It’s not the first day that’s bad; it’s the second day, with chronic fatigue. On the second and third day of hard work, the glycogen is gone, and you have to use aerobic respiration, but you can’t, because something is abnormal in your metabolism. My whole body will hurt for days because of what I did today.

I put my trash bags down at the entry to the main path, by a parking lot and a trash can. I was planning to go bring the car down there to pick them up. I left them, and my laundry there, and started walking up the path in the dark, like I always do.

As I was walking up the path, I heard the sound of glass bottles clanking somewhere behind me. This made me very nervous – I thought someone was throwing them in the trash can, right next to all my trash bags and laundry bag, which might mean that they might start messing with those bags, do something to them. I kept turning and looking behind me in the moonlight to see movement, to see if I was being followed by somebody. I didn’t see anyone behind me.

The voice suggested that I should break a stick on the ground and carry it so that I would feel safer. I did that, and when I snapped the stick, and then looked up, straight ahead of me in the woods on another path was a fire spinner. He had lit his spinners suddenly out of nowhere and was, I guess, practicing with them in an isolated place. I can kind of understand why someone would go into the park in the middle of the night to practice fire spinning. However, at the time, it did not seem innocent at all. I swear to you, my first thought was ‘Pennywise the Clown,’ because I had seen ads for Stephen King’s movie.

I thought it was one of the people stalking and harassing me, and I thought they were deliberately threatening me by making noises, scaring me, and now, lighting these fire spinners and spinning them. I just stood there and stared at it through the woods. It did not come closer, but stayed on the other path. Finally I made myself move. I moved away as quickly as I could, looking back at the fire spinner often to see if it was following me, but it didn’t. It was absolutely terrifying to see these spinning flames in the middle of the woods when I was alone and when I knew some person might be coming over to attack me, or trying to terrify me on purpose for their own amusement, before killing me. I began to think about how I would gouge the person’s eyes out with the stick if they tried to attack me.

After I got here to the laundromat and looked up videos of fire spinners, it seems more innocent now. It probably was really just someone who wanted to go to an isolated place to practice. Or maybe they were with friends and were showing off for their friends.

OH MY GOD DON’T CALL ME ‘HEY GORGEOUS.’ YOU DO NOT KNOW HOW MUCH OF A RACIST I AM NOWADAYS. I AM A RACIST. I AM NOT GORGEOUS IN THE EYES OF BLACK MEN. I AM NOT IN THE MOOD TO BE CALLED HEY GORGEOUS.

The fire spinner actually was cool, it was just that I was alone in the woods, I thought someone was following me, and then I saw that.

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