Still just struggling to get through this hell week

It wouldn’t be so bad if there wasn’t this snow that I have to trudge through to get up the hill to the road. And my shoe came open so that the bottom of the shoe is flopping like a mouth. I duct taped it last night, and tied twine around it today, but neither worked. The wet snow, and the movements of the foot, cause it to slide off. It’s not even working as a temporary patch. My ‘rolling’ work schedule is confusing my poor sleepless brain. My ‘b’ key isn’t working properly and I have to hit it more than once, while the ‘i’ key often presses several times in a row. I’m making appointments to visit this future roommate and get the decision finalized, but she feels the need to be cautious rather than just outright say yes and give me any false certainty. I wonder if she’s had bad experiences with other roommates.

I’m nowhere near as clean as I would like to be, and haven’t had a chance to ask Kat if I can take a shower at her house – I’ve just been too busy running around and trying to sleep. Jacob at least is surviving the cold temperatures and doesn’t *appear* to be getting frostbite or any problems with his feet. I think his mutilated clawless front feet probably are vulnerable to being injured by cold snow and ice.

I also have been failing miserably at work, due to a nagging chronic fatigue, caused by the combination of some kind of chemical that I can’t decontaminate from, and malnutrition, and sleep loss. I CAN’T WAIT till I move into an apartment. I CAN’T WAIT to fill that refrigerator with leafy greens and exotic fruits and vegetables and kimchi and other weird stuff that I can’t keep at the tent due to the inconsistent temperatures.

If there was one crucial piece of infrastructure I absolutely must have, which cannot be destroyed by invaders and intruders telling me I’m not allowed to camp in the woods, it’s some kind of food processing and food storage area. Not necessarily a place to cook – I can’t light fires there, they’re not allowed, and they would draw attention to my location. But if I could just *store* food, in a dry place, where it wouldn’t get eaten by bugs or animals and wouldn’t get moldy, something where I’d be storing it at room temperature or underground temperature, the old fashioned primitive way, it would help so much. But right now I can’t even so much as store a bag of dried greens. I don’t have a place to dry anything either.

I would have built up a lot more infrastructure if I had time, if I weren’t working, and if I were secure knowing it wouldn’t be disturbed, invaded, or destroyed. I always want to clarify that I *still want to* live in the woods and make all my own stuff the primitive way. I just need the infrastructure, and infrastructure consists of things that you don’t normally call ‘infrastructure,’ such as mature fruit trees and nut trees that are producing food every year, mature stands of other food producing plants, and free roaming large healthy plentiful herds of wild animals for hunting. Those things take time and money to produce if they aren’t already there on the land.

I don’t have time now, but I wanted to complain about ‘survivor’ type TV shows. I simultaneously love them and hate them. They wrongly give people the impression that ‘I couldn’t possibly do that myself because it’s too hard and it takes too much knowledge.’ It isn’t really like that in real life. In real life, you are given
infrastructure and tools by the community and by your parents, so that you don’t have to build your own shelter out of sticks and leaves and mud the moment you’re born.

I have to rush out the door and go to work now.

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