miserable tiredness (except now I’m caffeinated), no time at all to get online

12:17 PM 2/21/2017

I pretty much can’t get online at all. I can get online very briefly to do the quickest, shallowest activities, a quick shallow read of the news or something, can barely even find time to read my RSS feeds, can’t do anything that requires thinking.

I need to hunt for an apartment, which will require errand running, phone calls, and tons of paperwork. I am so tired I can’t even do that. To do those things I would have to get up like eight hours earlier than I want to, because I am desperately trying to get sleep. Part of it is because I have problems sleeping on the days when I work overnight, so I lose a lot of sleep and have to make it up in the next couple days. I do go home and try to sleep, but I wake up after a couple hours, because no matter how badly I need sleep, the murdering mind controllers ‘need’ to force me to wake up repeatedly the whole time I’m sleeping.

I actually still kind of want to work overnights and I still want to work all the different shifts so that I can learn how to do things, although I’m avoiding the earliest morning shift, the one that starts at 7am, because that’s the hardest one for me to get up for while I’m living in a tent, although it’s somewhat easier if I’m in a house.

Everything is a million times easier when I have a car. I wouldn’t mind having an electric bike again – that would be fine, and I intend to do that when I get into an apartment.

I just can’t even hunt for an apartment.

It will happen, though. I do have days with some more free time, where I wake up and am able to get out of bed. I can get out of bed on the warmest days. I had two days in a row where I did something at home that I needed to do. I can’t remember what day it is or was – it must have been Sunday??? I got up and did laundry before work.

Then, yesterday, I was able to get up early enough to clean up the trash. This is no small thing. I had several trash bags that were sitting outside waiting to be taken to a dumpster, which were ripped open by the skunk. It pulled stuff out and scattered it around the bag on the ground outside. I don’t ever like to pollute, and I wanted to pick it up for weeks and weeks, but couldn’t because it was too cold, snowy, and icy outside. Finally yesterday it was warm and I got up and did it.

Then, I also cleaned up all the trash inside the tent. It was such a huge pile that it was taking up all the space. It made a huge amount of room. I had all these things like gallon jugs of water that I had to abandon because I was catching recurring vomit viruses and didn’t want to drink from the same container, as I was doing everything in my power to stop catching it again. I had a halfway drunk two liter of lemonade, and two or three abandoned liters of apple cider where the same thing had happened – I had gotten the recurring vomit virus again and could not drink more than a couple sips after I bought it. I was buying apple cider occasionally during the cold days where I knew it would stay fresh, but then I wouldn’t be able to finish drinking it anyway because of the vomit virus that just kept coming back. My coworker also says she has a flu that keeps going on for weeks, and this flu involves a lot of vomiting. So I know I have the same thing.

I had to dump all the liquids out of all those large jugs of stuff so it would be empty when I put it into the trash bag. It was an enormous waste. I also had an enormous waste of food, too, where I would buy several things, sandwiches, etc, because I was really, really hungry, then take two bites and feel like I was going to vomit, and have to spend the next two or three hours struggling to hold down my vomit while lying in bed, and eating ginger, even though I only had two small bites of food and a small sip of juice. I was SO FRUSTRATED to waste all that sandwich and the juice I had bought. And when it gets above 40 degrees, anything I have in my tent spoils, so I can’t keep these things for several days and then try to eat them again when the virus goes away. There’s only one chance to eat them, and then they have to be thrown away. The weather has intermittently gone through phases of being reliably very cold, or, occasionally going above 40.

I would actually prefer warmer weather right now, even though I can no longer keep food or drinks in the tent, because warmer weather means I can get up early and do things.

There is an annoying music soundtrack at work. We are able to change the station, but even so, I am frequently listening to particular stations where they play the same songs over and over again. The mind controllers force me to hear music in my head, and it’s always something horrible that I hate, or else a song that I would have liked if I only heard it once in a while, but don’t enjoy hearing a fragment of the song playing 10,000 times all day and all night long
involuntarily in my brain.

I can never remember the entire song, and can’t hear or can’t remember all the words to the song, so they only play the tiny fragment that I am able to hear and remember, which will be the most annoying part. Right now they’re playing, ‘She’s love, she’s love, she’s love, she’s in my head. She’s love, she’s love, she’s love, she might be dead.’ That’s right. Those two lines over and over and over and over, with a little bit of inaudible or incomprehensible lines of the song in between, and then back to that part again. So I can hear the tune of the other part, but not the words – they’re just inaudible. It’s the hum-along part. Then back to ‘she’s love, she’s love…’

The skunk visited a couple nights ago to eat some of the food I threw outside. I heard something outside the tent walking around in the leaves, making the leaves crackle. I thought it was Jacob. I knew Jacob wasn’t in bed with me. Then, I heard some other animal making a crying sound farther away, and I became concerned – I wasn’t sure what it was, and I thought maybe Jacob caught a mouse, except this didn’t sound like a mouse. I wondered if Jacob was okay.

So I peeked out the door of the tent with a flashlight. I looked to the left and shined the flashlight on Jacob, who suddenly ran away. I figured, he must be chasing a mouse, and the mouse suddenly ran away because I moved around and shined the light on it. Then Jacob stopped a few feet away, and turned and looked back at me, with extremely bright glowing eyes in the light. Then I saw that Jacob had some white fur on his back.

Then, I looked to the right, and I saw another Jacob, sitting there on the right peacefully and quietly watching all of this happening without making the slightest move and without being the slightest bit upset. That other thing was the skunk! Jacob was just sitting there a few feet away from the skunk, before I had peeked out the door, silently sitting and watching the skunk while the skunk was eating some food I’d thrown out. I was sure the skunk was Jacob because it looked like a black, cat-sized object when it ran away. None of us got sprayed. Jacob didn’t try to chase the skunk or do anything to it. I’m REALLY, REALLY GLAD HE DIDN’T. I don’t know why he doesn’t.

I have seen skunks many times while camping. They’re adorable and I’d like to keep one as a pet, without removing its sprayer. I’m sure I could get it to trust me enough that it wouldn’t spray.

I also used to see porcupines when I lived on Mt. Nittany, and bears. I never see either of those here in Walnut Springs, which is in the middle of town. I’m kind of glad not to be seeing bears during a time when I don’t have enough money to buy another new tent if the bear knocks it down, although bears never bothered my tent while I lived in it – I have a theory that they smelled the urine and stayed away. They only ripped open my tent when I abandoned it for several months when I moved into an apartment and hadn’t gotten my stuff out of the tent yet, and had a few things in there like Slim Jims. I went back and found bags of stuff yanked out of the tent and dragged a long distance away into the woods, and a big hole in the tent.

Tomorrow I’m off work, and then the next day, I go in at 5pm, so I have most of the day off until then. It will be almost like having two days off in a row. I will be able to get up and do something, and maybe work on the apartment hunting project.

I have to go in at 3:00 pm today, and it’s 12:45 now, and my alarm keeps going off, but I don’t want to get out of bed. Supposedly it’s warm, and the thermometer in my tent says it’s 60 degrees, but it feels freezing to me, and there is no sun. It’s only warm when the sun is shining. We have clouds and wind right now. I just don’t want to move. I’m very warm in my bed. It’s like a sauna. I have so much insulation in this sleeping bag. Jacob knows how warm it is in here and he knows how to climb in when I’m in the bag. It’s cute to watch him getting in. Sometimes he goes in head first and then turns around once he’s in there, and other times, he lays down close to the opening, then sort of rolls or sinks backwards and downwards into the sleeping bag.

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