Gotta head back to the tent soon. Nittany Gardens apartments has some kind of specially priced rent for CPI students – gotta look into that

Kat’s boyfriend is coming home today. I think he’s coming sometime in the afternoon. I have to pack up my stuff and go back to the tent. I want to take a shower first. I’m just still fooling around and using the internet right now. I’m also drinking my third cup of instant coffee, for no particular reason.

I go back to work again tomorrow, and I will probably have to watch more videos.

I saw, in the very back of the course catalog for CPI, that Nittany Gardens apartments had some kind of arrangement with CPI to let people stay there, for, I assume, a reduced price. I want to call them and ask them what that reduced rent would be, and whether they might have any spaces open for the fall semester.

Also, I’m learning, to my confusion, that there is some kind of two year associate degree that you can get, either an Associate of Specialized Business or an Associate of Specialized Technology or something like that. And I don’t know how that works, and I will have to ask them – can I just randomly sign up for any old course that I want, and assume that if I attend the school for two years, I’ll get some kind of degree? Or do I have to choose a particular group of courses and do them in a particular order to get a degree? I see nothing about prerequisites. Again I’ll have to make a phone call probably and talk to a person, or maybe try to send somebody an email to ask this question.

I started doing some more research about various technical degrees and saw something about a ‘computer engineer’ being someone who loves calculus, and I was like, ‘Hey! *I* loved calculus!’ But I’m not going to try a higher-risk, longer-term goal, because of a greater likelihood of failure, right now. I want to try a short term goal with a high probability of success. I can complete a two year program, and immediately go to some kind of job, and if I decide after that that I want to go back to college for four years or something, to get some other degree, because I trust myself to complete everything, and not fail, and not give up, and not be overwhelmed with problems, and not end up $100,000 in debt working as a part-time dishwasher, then maybe I will do something more challenging. I feel pretty sure that I can succeed in a two year degree. I made it through 3-1/2 years of college before I dropped out.

And I just didn’t like taking classes that were irrelevant and pointless, in college. In vocational school, I’d be taking only one big, focused class at a time, and it would very obviously be extremely relevant and goal-oriented. I wouldn’t be studying the esoterics of ancient Roman nose-picking techniques, like I was forced to do when I was in college. All the classes I’d be taking would be so clearly connected to the end goal of getting a job where I would do this thing, that I would feel motivated to do the work and finish the class without feeling like it was all pointless and aimless. I’d get to have fun using machines every day (if I took some machine-related class).

I just have to complete my income taxes. Now I have a reason to hurry with the taxes. Normally I’d postpone it till the last second, but now, I have to complete that first so that I could apply for the FAFSA thing, the financial aid. I’d have to find out whether it was possible for me to get there in September, or whether I’d have to wait till January. I don’t know how long any of this will take. I’ve never done this myself before. My parents did all that for me when I went to college the first time.

It would be really strange to sign up in advance for something, some big goal, months and months in advance, and wait for it to happen, and then actually go there and do it when that time came. I don’t normally live my life that way. Normally, a whole year passes, and I’m suddenly like ‘Oh no! The time is hemorrhaging so quickly! All is lost!’ And nothing has been done, and nothing has been improved in my life, and a whole year has gone by.

But this time, it would be different. A year might go by, but I would move closer to that time when I would go to some kind of class that I would be taking with the intention of trying to improve my life somehow.

I’m sure that I will be assailed by doubts all along the way, from myself, and from the voices. I have doubts and conflicts about *everything* in modern society. Aren’t I ‘selling out’ by learning a skill and getting a higher paying job, which implicitly admits that society is good and okay, and the modern lifestyle is okay, instead of learning primitive skills and going to live as a hunter-gatherer?

I think most of the people on the internet who became hunter-gatherers actually started off having a decent job. They own some land they can live on. They’re not scrounging on land they don’t own, with always the constant threat that some police officer will come in and destroy your tent. I can’t BUILD anything on this land that I don’t own. I can’t build anything valuable or vulnerable because the police will eventually destroy it. I’m not saying I believe land ownership is right, but I’m saying that in order to make a difference, for myself and others, I will have to own land, and maybe then I will be able to make a haven for myself and others. That’s only the beginning, not the end. Just because I have to start off by buying land to make a haven doesn’t mean that I believe land ownership is the right thing to do in general or in the long run. Just because I’m getting a better job right now so that I can have an income (to buy land) doesn’t mean that I approve of modern society’s job-slavery or the ‘need’ to ‘earn’ the dollars that you have to use to pay for everything. I still oppose those things. But I know I’ll be hearing voices, both internal and external, saying that I’m selling out.

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