slightly better today but not great; the job I’m applying to; a dream about a dragon

I no longer have that sensation of weakness in my arms. I was able to talk on the phone to the lady at Home Instead, where I was applying for a job. Home Instead is a place that helps old people live at home. Basically someone helps them take care of day-to-day routines, except it isn’t nursing. They do have nurses that go to the person’s house too.

The idea for me to apply there came from what happened with Mom, and with some …. personas, who interact with me, or voices, suggesting that perhaps I need a change of job. Since I’m not working at Maki Yaki anymore, and they don’t want to rehire me, I do need to get another job.

I agreed with that feeling that maybe now is the right time to get a different kind of job from anything I’ve ever done before. I have this awareness of the need to help old people in their houses, help them to stay at home so they don’t have to go to a nursing home. Mom got to die at home in her bed with family around her. She didn’t have to go to the hospice house, although, at the end, she was saying she was ready to, because she was hoping they would be able to give her better painkillers, basically. It turned out not to be necessary.

I actually wondered if Patrick might have played a role in speeding up the event. I walked in on them the night before, Dad and Patrick, and they had a guilty feeling as though I had interrupted them talking about something they didn’t want me to overhear. I think they were actually talking about that. However Dad told me that he just couldn’t bring himself to do it.

It was strange how Mom was able to behave even when she was on ‘automatic,’ when she was nearly dead, and probably not really conscious. Patrick put a blood pressure cuff on her arm, and she was able to hold out her arm and hold still to submit to the blood pressure cuff being put on.

It was strange, because she was in the middle of a bunch of movements and motions, sort of rolling on the floor as though struggling to get comfortable, but Patrick called it a ‘wrestling match,’ because I was holding her up and making sure her head didn’t hit the wall, and gently letting her go down to the floor as she needed to, and supporting her when she moved up again. She was having labored breathing, and her lungs were full of fluid, which caused her to have the ‘death rattle,’ except it wasn’t as much of a rattle as what I heard as an example of it on youtube.

She also was able to stop her movements long enough to submit to having a crushed pill put under her tongue, but she wasn’t able to swallow it, and could not swallow the piece of chipped ice that he put there to dissolve it – I saw a minute later that the water had leaked out the side of her mouth. Patrick had told me she couldn’t drink right now because she would aspirate it. Apparently he knew this because he was a nurse and had seen other people in this state before. She was almost having convulsions, but not really. She was just moving around all over the place.

I can’t really explain why this struck me. It was something loving and trusting about her, that she was able to try to let him help her, when she was in the midst of this convulsion thing, that she had enough self-control to stop her movements and allow the blood pressure cuff to be put on, and the pill to be put under her tongue. It was disturbing to see the automatic blood pressure cuff deflate, lower and lower and lower, without registering any pressure or pulse at all, all the way to zero. If she had a pulse at that time, it was too weak to be detected by that cuff. Yet she was still moving around and sitting up.

She gestured to her neck the way she usually did when she wanted the oxygen tubes, but then took off her shirt. Apparently the shirt felt like it was uncomfortable or interfering with her somehow. I’m just remembering this, thinking, maybe she could tell that her heart had stopped beating or was almost stopped.

And then, on youtube, I saw something called ‘agonal gasping,’ which is the gasps of air you take after your heart has stopped. I saw her when she was doing that. That was when she was lying in bed and I was still holding her hand. It was only a few gasps per minute.

I can kind of explain my reaction, why I was so touched or moved by the fact that she allowed the blood pressure cuff to be put on, and the pill to be put in her mouth, during this convulsion thing when she wasn’t really talking. It was like she was still herself. She was still Mom, up till the end. She was conscious. She was still doing the normal things Mom would do, Mom would have done, Mom had been doing all this time during these weeks. That’s what it was. She was not entirely unconscious and not entirely out of control. She was still Mom to the end.

I am wondering what the mind controllers might have done, which had to do with this event, specifically the timing of it. Mom had emphasized on the phone, don’t come till the 22nd, because that is when your brother is coming. It was all about coming to visit on the 22nd. That was the original date, but we moved it earlier because John understood, from my blog and from the impressions I got on the phone, that Mom was in such terrible condition she might not even survive until the 22nd (and this turned out to be true). We got to spend a little time with her while she was still able to move and talk and give us hugs and kisses and say ‘I love you.’

It is possible that the mind controllers arranged for that to be the date of death, and then they attacked her on the 22nd. I have reason to believe it was an attack, because the phone rang right before it happened, which means somebody was a puppet who was forced to get the idea to call at that moment. It startled her out of sleep – was she already dying in her sleep at that moment, or did she have a heart attack from being startled?

Several other people had forced heart attacks around this same time, people I read about online. I also had an attack incident after I got back to the tent. It was on the first or second night I was back at the tent. I was feeling sick, like I was fading away and dying, and in the middle of the night, I was awakened by an extremely loud, startling BANG on the tent door. It was so loud I jumped out of sleep and felt my heart pounding painfully, which indicates it was an electronic weapon attack. It was not just the wind blowing the tarp around. The tarp does blow and make noises, but not as loud as that.

My grandmother died when somebody banged loudly on her window in the middle of the night. She was able to tell Donald what happened before she died. She jumped out of bed in terror and then fell and hit her head on the table, which resulted in her bleeding to death because she was using blood thinners. But while she was still conscious she was able to explain what made her jump out of bed like that. These are usually mind control incidents or electronic weapon attacks.

I do know they were involved with the exact moment of her death. She was unconscious in the hospital while I was driving my car into New Jersey to go see her before she died. At the exact second that I walked into the hospital, Uncle David told me, that was the moment when her heart stopped. We rationalized that she ‘knew’ I had finally arrived and so it was settled and okay for her to die, but in reality, I know that this was the result of an electronic weapon attack, which caused her to die at that exact second.

So, it is possible that electronic weapons were involved in the particular timing of my mother’s death. They decided she would die on the 22nd, and had us arrange to show up that day, but we changed the date, and she still died on the 22nd, shortly after a phone call which startled her awake.

I myself fortunately did not die of a heart attack after the extremely loud bang on my tent door in the middle of the night, but I was actually in a bit of pain. The sheer terror was painful. It was above and beyond the normal level of startlement or fright. I was definitely attacked with a weapon. I was so terrified, it hurt.

I’m going to try to get this job with Home Instead. I had a dream that came from the mind controllers, and I have reason to believe that this dream was a ‘reward’ for the fact that I was attempting to get a job that was better and different from the jobs I had been doing before. They ‘rewarded’ me by making me have sex with a dragon in the dream. The dragon had been part of a childhood fantasy that I had for a long time, until I started doing therapy with Judith Swack, at which point the mind controllers started attacking me and started getting involved in anything at all having to do with sex. Note, I did not actually fantasize about having sex with dragons in the past. These were sexual fetish cartoon characters, basically, or they had been previously. The mind controllers started interrupting me every time I felt the desire to masturbate (which happens to ALL electronic torture victims) and interfering and preventing me from doing or thinking whatever I would normally think about. They basically made it impossible to mentally visualize ANYTHING AT ALL during masturbation. I have written about this in the blog before but had to mention it again because of the dream the other night.

The dream was a ‘reward for good behavior’ due to the fact that I was trying to get a better job. It’s been so long since anything like that has happened, I had forgotten all about the fact that they used to do that, and I had assumed they weren’t even going to bother to be that stupid anymore. But they have remained stupid to this day, and they still feel the need to perform their little pointless,
ineffective religious rituals with their symbolic images. I just hadn’t done anything in recent years that was worthwhile enough for them to feel that there was any need for them to perform their religious rituals. So they ‘rewarded’ me by ‘giving me back the dragon’ that I used to be able to fantasize about while masturbating. WHOOP DE DOO, THIS TECHNIQUE IS SO EFFECTIVE I THINK I’M GOING TO JUST KEEP ON HAVING BIGGER AND BETTER ACHIEVEMENTS IN LIFE FROM NOW ON, because all I need is some symbolic mental dream images to motivate me to achieve great things!

I know that pedophiles are rewarded with opportunities to have sex with children, if they become politicians and if their policies agree with what the mind controllers want them to do. This is yet another reason why I was so interested in pizzagate – it all totally resonates with what I experience as a mind control victim.

The dream was about a dragon that was lying down in the mud. Mud is always shit in dreams like this – I have been forced to have many dreams about shit in the past. There was deep mud everywhere, the dragon was lying down in it, and the bottom half of the dragon’s body suddenly ended abruptly, without any legs or tail, just a torso that was suddenly chopped off. The upper half of the dragon’s body was still there. From the bottom of this torso, from the cut-off part, which is where, technically, the internal organs would have been leaking out because it was just chopped off there, except it seemed to be sealed shut with skin – there was an erect penis, which I was climbing onto while kneeling in this mud. There was someone else nearby and I can’t remember exactly who it was or what they were doing. I remembered it at first but I didn’t write this dream down right away so I forgot some of the details. The dragon and I were in a dark place, and this other person was in a place with more light. I could actually feel this penis very clearly as though it was real. Then I was forced awake.

I think maybe Chris and Mike were in this dream too, the ones at the house where I’m keeping Jacob, the guy who stole my debit card and used it online. I almost forgot, I asked them if I could come over tonight and see Jacob again, but it’s so snowy and miserable outside that I almost don’t want to go – I would have to take the bus the whole way and couldn’t use my bike, which makes it harder to get over there. I don’t know for sure if I will go tonight or not.

I haven’t been able to finish the job application – I feel mentally too uncomfortable to focus, still, although not as brain-foggy as I was the other day. I did talk to one lady on the phone, though, and made an appointment to go in and talk to them on Thursday. I felt as though the lady on the phone might have been an ENFP, my own dual, but I’m not sure.

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