High tariffs; Mom is with me; land ownership and a desire to improve my life

I have a bunch of stuff to say but I might just write this really quickly and then do some other stuff. I’m eating breakfast and not focused yet. I was thinking, what if we put really high tariffs on anything imported from China? If I bought a $10 coffeemaker, it would cost $80. The immediate effect would be the resale market would come to life. Nobody would throw their cheap shitty plastic appliances in the trash anymore. We would repair them instead of replace them, and we would resell them instead of trashing them. I bought a $10 coffeemaker, and now I can resell it for $30 and it’s still cheaper for somebody than getting a new one. Interesting… And I just read that China is thinking about war with the US.

Then we would have factories in every town in the USA, but with every factory comes air pollution, water and soil pollution. I visited a couple places that had various types of factories. There’s a paper mill in Tyrone, PA, and I went past a sawmill type place when I was on my trip back here from WV, and the toxic smell of chemicals that came from it made my lungs hurt for hours.

I have very mixed, conflicting feelings about these things. I love them and I hate them. I love the factories, I hate the chemical spills. I love the jobs. I hate the disconnection from nature and primitive life and survival skills outside of society. I hate the landownership, and the fact that all of this capitalism fails to question the root cause of all the problems in society – the fact that people claim the land and large corporations, agencies, groups who possess eternal life, own every piece of land in a monopolistic way by default, while individuals must constantly battle to buy it and keep it, and if those individuals lose it, it always goes back by default to the groups who stole it and who will make money by selling it again.

The other thing I mentioned was this feeling that Mom is with me. It’s not merely that she is ‘with me.’ It’s an awareness that she *cares*. She cares about my quality of life. It’s strange how I got this idea. It’s partly because *I* cared about *her*. I care that she didn’t get everything she should have gotten, and I watched her die, and it made me realize that I’m just like her – I haven’t done what I needed to do, I haven’t enjoyed life, I’ve had a shitty time for a really long time now. If it’s wrong for Mom to die without having enough of a good life, then the same thing is wrong for me. Somehow, watching Mom die made me realize that in a more internal way, something more emotional and deeper that actually motivates me, not a mere abstract concept in the intellectual part of my brain. I actually *care* about making my life better right now. I DON’T WANT TO FORGET THAT. I am actually looking up stuff about how I could go back to school and get a better job.

I don’t ‘believe in’ getting better jobs as the solution for everything, but yet, I need one as a stepping stone to empower me so that I can make my ideas into reality. If I am going to create an alternate society, I can’t do it unless I own a really big piece of real estate to put them on. I can’t help others when I haven’t helped myself. I do want to make my ideas a reality, my ideas about living off the land and primitive skills and being a subsistence farmer, I do want to teach people the concept that land ownership is wrong, while simultaneously needing a piece of land to put those people on so that they will have a place to live, because the surrounding society requires it and I’m not strong enough to go to war against them.

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