John’s going tomorrow; the money didn’t come through yet

I was hoping Dad’s deposit would appear in my bank today, but it didn’t. He deposited it on Monday, which was a holiday, and John said it takes two business days to process a transfer. So maybe it will appear tomorrow – we’ll see. I had thought John was going on the 22nd because he had no other choice, but it turns out he’s able to go sooner, so he’s going tomorrow. If the deposit goes through, I’ll try to go tomorrow too.

That means I’m canceling an appointment on Thursday, but whoop-de-doo, I don’t care. The ‘fountain’ is less severe in the past few days, even on the days when I didn’t drink coffee – it seems to be lightening up, although I won’t fool myself to believe that it’s gone. It’s still there and still contagious, just more sneaky. I’ll be able to get tested later.

Dad responded exactly as I predicted he would when I sent him an email with my thoughts about pawpaw. He’s extremely hostile to the idea that something in the world of alternative medicine could have the slightest conceivable chance of curing cancer – if it did, he said in the email, the drug companies would be all over it right away. Not so, but that’s a whole gigantic argument that I won’t be able to explain to him.

There are THOUSANDS of people who have cured their own cancer whenever doctors told them they had no hope, and they have done it using hundreds and hundreds of different methods, techniques, herbs, supplements, lifestyle changes, and so on. Doctors said they were doomed and had only a few months or weeks to live, and they left and they cured themselves. It is entirely possible to do. It is not even a ‘miracle.’

Mom would need some holistic treatment, ideally, and it would have to be delivered transdermally, since she can’t eat, but there are actually a million different things that do go through the skin – minerals, nutrients, herbs, all kinds of things. There are also treatments that can be smoked or inhaled. And if she’s able to drink any fluids, then she can drink some kind of a tea.

I’m pretty sure that she’s dying quickly and will be gone in the next few days. Dad doesn’t want to give me this information, although he kind of admitted it in his latest email – he said he can’t guarantee that she will still be alive by the time I get there. But at least we have moved the date up sooner, so that maybe there is a chance. They’re committed to letting her / making her die, and don’t want to consider any alternative medicine for even a fraction of a second.

I don’t want to paint my dad as a villain. He said in his email that he had thoughts of ‘shoulda-coulda-wouldas,’ which I can understand. Of course he is suffering from that, from regret, from wishing something could have been done differently. And he feels responsible for this – I am separated from the situation and I don’t feel responsible, so it’s easy for me to see alternatives and feel like there is still hope. Whatever they decided, it was him and Mom, the both of them.

Anyway, so I’m going as soon as possible, as soon as the money comes through, which might, hopefully, be tomorrow.

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