16 January, 2017 16:55

I’m still home in the tent. For some unknown reason I was suddenly able to clean up the trash that got ripped open outside. I have needed to do that for weeks. It might be because Dad is sending money and I will get it tomorrow, for the car rental. Maybe I suddenly feel it is safe to use energy because of this. Maybe it’s because I ate rosemary, but that doesn’t always work – it’s inconsistent. I wish I knew. I am still just as covered in pesticide as before. I haven’t had coffee today, and don’t know if I will withdraw or continue – at my parents’ house, it’s easier to drink coffee because there is no food. I’ll be going down on the 22nd, as requested, to go at the same time as John. It’s not fair if Mom dies that I would be able to go a couple days sooner just because I’m unemployed. I was lying in bed today , and, due to massive lack of intellectual stimulation, I was trying to lost all the factors in society responsible for Mom’s death. “Finger-pointing,” the voices called it. Well, I have to do it, because that is how I cope with helplessness. I have nothing to do but wait. The only action I could take would be to obtain an herbal medicine, but that is already unwelcome, I know. She can’t eat so it would be transdermal. I’d have to test it on me first. Dad said she can’t poop either. There are blockages. That to me signals rapid death coming. I don’t know if she TOTALLY can’t. And for how long. I don’t know if my netbook has any battery but I might write a longer post from the tent.

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