Mom and Dad are sending money so I can rent a car

I called them today because ‘they’ were urging me to. I haven’t called a lot because I don’t have a lot of minutes on my tracfones, except for the one phone where the audio is so bad you can’t hear anything they say. Dad is sending enough money for me to rent a car to go down there. Mom has an unknown cancer which is all over the place and with no particular origin. It’s in her abdomen. I doubt that anybody would be tolerant enough to allow me to try transdermal herbs for cancer so that she wouldn’t even have to swallow anything. I don’t know how well she’s able to eat – being unable to eat has been her problem for the past few months and it led to the trip to the hospital.

I got the impression that they only wanted me and John to come down for a temporary visit and then to leave again, so I don’t see myself leaving State College permanently right now, which means I have to call back the stupid bitch at the food stamps place and tell her no, absolutely do not disable my account, because I am only going out of town briefly and coming back. DON’T LET ME FORGET TO DO THIS because reapplying all over again will be a huge pain in the ass.

I have a strange physical sensation of a kind of heaviness. It made me able to just stare at a random stranger as he was standing beside his car getting ready to get into the car, while he was handling his belongings and doing something, I don’t know what, I just stared at the two of them, although they didn’t see me. I don’t believe that I experience emotions, and I usually assume if I have an emotion-like experience it is a physical sickness or electronic mind control, or drug withdrawal, or something else. Oftentimes I am right, but surely, there might be one or two times when I have weird physical sensations that are caused by an emotion, and this might possibly be one of those times. I don’t know. I live in a world where it’s just not possible to temporarily turn off the electronic mind control system so that I can find out how I feel on my own.

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