Church movie with snacks, and the HUB again – I still feel vulnerable here

I walked into the HUB and there’s this huge crowd of police officers all standing around right next to the door, as if something is happening or happened. But the mood is cheerful. It’s very weird. Apparently, the HUB is just the cool place for police to hang out and ogle the students. I still have this paranoia here, this feeling of exposure and vulnerability. It’s a huge room with several levels, like that mall in Charleston – all the malls where I used to go when I was a kid, back when going to the mall was a big exciting deal. They had escalators. There are no escalators here. Penn State sucks. If they get an escalator here, they will be awesome.

I went to this movie that they mentioned last night at the community cafe. They said it was ‘The Song of Bernadette,’ or something. It was about a lady in Lourdes who had visions of a lady and then dug a spring where healing water came out, and there were people
miraculously cured by the healing water.

I couldn’t stay for the discussion afterwards. Part of me wanted to, but I can’t really explain my position to these people. All of them were cool people who I recognized from around town, like the bearded lady (there’s another lady out there with more facial hair than I have), and a couple middle aged men with long hair. These are sort of semi-intellectuals that I have had a few conversations with before. How do you go to church if you have a job? Jobs interfere with absolutely everything. The only reason I have free time to go to things like this cafe and this movie is because I’m not working anywhere right now.

This is yet another reason why I hate ‘jobs’ as a way to ‘earn a living.’ It would be absolutely impossible to go to any of these scheduled events at this church. I don’t know how anybody in the entire town at all can find the time to go here. These people, who I recognize, do seem to wander around the town, wander around the library, and don’t seem to be doing anything like a job. Little Ray was there again, the man who looks like he’s about 150 and has long dreadlocks.

But if I could discuss this movie, what would I say?

I saw the thing that Ayn Rand ‘inoculated’ me against, which was ‘the virtue of suffering.’ Ayn Rand warned us that you should watch out for any philosophy or religion that told you that suffering was a virtue, and that appeared in this movie. She suffered, and then died, for reasons that weren’t really clear. She had tuberculosis (hello again, WESTON PRICE!), which must have been the cause of death. Everyone seemed to have illnesses and paralysis and seizures and stuff.

They needed a miracle to cure them. And this water was allegedly curing a lot of people. Minerals do cure people, and mineral water, and clay. I didn’t mention this, but I felt really good for a day after getting the injection of radioactive iodine. I think getting an injection of a mineral is similar to getting it transdermally, but transdermally is greatly preferred and more natural, so you should get your minerals by covering your body with clay and by bathing in mineral water. I don’t think my intestines are absorbing the minerals I need, even when I wasn’t drinking caffeine.

Oh, my hip joints stopped hurting when I quit caffeine, and started hurting immediately the first day after I drank the cup of coffee.

I’m not even joking, the radioactive iodine actually felt *good* the next day. I could feel the locations it went into. It went into something inside the middle of my brain, a tiny dot right in the center, perhaps a gland, maybe the pituitary or maybe the pineal gland, but I don’t know which. I could feel it burning inside that tiny dot in my brain. That was the primary location where I could feel the burning. I have felt a similar burning from electromagnetic fields after I was uploading videos from my laptop while sitting in the car outside Barnes & Noble, so my laptop was sending a strong field over a long distance while I had it right on my lap. It gave me ‘brain burn’ that lasted a very long time, a few days, similar to the radioactive iodine.

I had this feeling of something having been ‘fixed’ or ‘helped’ by the iodine the next day. It was just a feeling that something had been wrong, which was now better. I am not saying that there is something special about iodine in particular. I am saying that in general, I am not getting any needed minerals at all, regardless of which particular minerals, and that a good way to get them is transdermally,
preferably, as I said, with some kind of clay or mineral water or salts.

I used calcium montmorillonite clay once – this particular brand was made to be taken in the bathwater – but it gave me such a burning sensation all over my body that I was awake all night long and didn’t sleep at all until I rinsed myself off in the middle of the night. It gave me this extreme insomnia, and I threw it away and never used it again. However, if I had only used it in the morning, and washed it off later, it might have been okay. I absolutely had an effect by absorbing it through my skin. I just didn’t want to have another contamination event, which is why I got rid of it. I was afraid it would get on my belongings and make me unable to sleep permanently, like ephedra.

It doesn’t have to be montmorillonite clay. I think it can be any kind of clay. Seawater may have the same effect – it’s full of minerals too.

So, well, that’s what this movie made me think of. There is some truth to the idea that a mineral spring might really heal people. And since I believe in non-human intelligent species, then I think this vision she had could have either come from them, or it could have come from any of the humans who are keeping their advanced technology a secret from everyone.

I just don’t like ‘worship.’ It is not in my nature to fall to my knees and then stand there staring with a wondrous expression on my face. I view it as a threat when somebody else has these extreme, strange powers that I don’t have – it’s not in my nature to just obey them. I already know they’re not going to like me. I don’t like obeying *anyone*, even ordinary humans, unless they explain something and I understand it and agree with it.

And it was bullshit that she went away to a convent, and abandoned the guy who loved her, and didn’t get married and have kids. Bullshit! I’m already dealing with that exact same bullshit myself. Yes, I understand that self-restraint is a virtue. But it is not an infinite virtue. I know I was just complaining the other day about people who jump into sex too quickly without any self-restraint at all, but at the same time, I don’t think you should go into a convent and live the rest of your life married to god and never having any children.

So yeah, maybe I could have stayed for this discussion. But I was at the St. Andrew’s (I always have a hard time remembering the name of the church – there are several different Saint Somebody churches – is it Paul? Andrew?) Episcopal Church, which is not the same as the Unitarian Universalist church, where they welcomed atheists. I am not merely even an atheist, I am some weird religion that nobody has ever heard of and it would all have to be explained, the Anaya religion, which is another reason why I was kind of interested in watching a movie about someone who had religious visions that other people eventually recognized as real. The only reason they recognized it as real was because it agreed with a religion that everybody already had! You can’t just make up a new god that nobody has ever heard of before. Note, my Anaya ‘god’ was only created just this last year while I was using ginseng, and there was a purpose for creating it – it was supposed to be a concept of a particular type of people who were supposed to understand me.

Anyway, I can’t even say I’m just an atheist – I’m something even worse than an atheist, something even weirder and scarier than a mere skeptic or a mere atheist. They’ve heard of atheists and skeptics before. They’re familiar with that phenomenon. A person who hears voices and invents a new religion that is totally non-Christian is something else, and I’m not making a vegan religion like all the other ones I’ve been reading about, the UFO religions and Corey Goode, who is supposedly eating a ‘high vibration diet’ which is raw vegan. I don’t know the details of his diet. I know that none of them, none of them, would accept me – and also Rachael, who is probably the author of the book called ‘The Winds of Asharra’ – her family tracked that down and told me about it, and I read bits of it online, although I never read the whole book. That is probably her. It’s a very vegan book. All of these vegans would reject me, so my religion doesn’t even fit in with the rest of the ‘New Age’ or ‘UFO’ religions. If you don’t go vegan, then you get burned up in the great upcoming solar event and you don’t get to ascend to a higher density universe or something. I’m doomed.

The lady at the food stamps place told me that if I got a signed letter from Maki Yaki telling which day was the last day I worked, then maybe, just maybe, she would get me emergency food stamp money. THAT STUPID FUCKING BITCH – I don’t want to go deal with them again, I don’t want to go get a letter – I don’t know how I will get money for food but I don’t want to go try to get a letter from Maki Yaki. I will try to get a gig on craigslist or something if I have to, something that pays cash. Or I can keep wandering around town looking for events and gatherings that serve free pizza.

I really did pull weeds at that guy’s lawn, but then he started wanting me to have sex with him. That could happen again if I get anything through craigslist, but it sucks to be them if they decide that they’re paying me to have sex.

Caffeine – I’ve been having these intermittent drinks of caffeine the last several days, including some cola at this movie event tonight – and it instantly stopped the disgusting fountain of liquid pouring like a faucet out of my vagina, because it is such a dehydrator, such a strong diuretic. My body no longer has any liquid to spare, so it is not flooding the germs out of me the way it’s supposed to. So now I know what makes people asymptomatic – they have no liquid left in their body due to chronic dehydration caused by even SMALL amounts of caffeine use, so they do not produce the huge amount of fluid that made this so obvious to me. Believe me IT… WAS… OBVIOUS that I had a disease! When I was off caffeine I had enough fluid left in my body that every ounce of fluid I had to spare was being flooded out of my vagina in an attempt to wash away the germs, I guess. I had so much of it that it soaked through a layer of underwear, a layer of extremely thick sweatpants, and an outer layer of regular pants, as though I was peeing my pants.

Hopefully it’s true that I will be able to get an appointment at this place this Thursday. I hope I can also get antibiotics while I am there, and hopefully for free. I don’t know. The only concern I have is that I am not having irreversible scarring or damage that will cause infertility, although how would I even know if I was even more infertile than I already was, because I tried and failed to get pregnant twice.

When I ride home in the car with John, I should sit on a garbage bag. I don’t want to mess up his car.

I think I will go read something for a while. I kind of wish I could have participated in a discussion of the movie, but at the same time, the movie didn’t really make me feel any feelings, or have any thoughts or insights, that I really wanted to talk about. It was the same old, same old – oh, those people were poisoned and malnourished by the changes in their society and that was why they were all sick – oh, suffering and death, woe is me – there is nothing to say about this. Maybe I could have listened to other people’s thoughts about it, true.

Advertisements

8 Responses to “Church movie with snacks, and the HUB again – I still feel vulnerable here”

  1. Anonymous Says:

    ” HUB is just the cool place for police to hang out and ogle the students. ”

    I deliberately finished reading Yevgeny Zamyatin’s novel WE in the “fishbowl” there. “people in glass houses….”

    We all live in glass houses and can only draw the curtains with a pink ticket from the government.

  2. Anonymous Says:

    “clay once”

    Apparently the clay we wrestled in was not of a balanced mineral content…

  3. Anonymous Says:

    ‘Anyway, I can’t even say I’m just an atheist – I’m something even worse than an atheist, something even weirder and scarier than a mere skeptic or a mere atheist. They’ve heard of atheists and skeptics before. They’re familiar with that phenomenon. A person who hears voices and invents a new religion that is totally non-Christian is something else, and I’m not making a vegan religion like all the other ones I’ve been reading about, the UFO religions and Corey Goode, who is supposedly eating a ‘high vibration diet’ which is raw vegan. I don’t know the details of his diet. I know that none of them, none of them, would accept me – and also Rachael, who is probably the author of the book called ‘The Winds of Asharra’ – her family tracked that down and told me about it, and I read bits of it online, although I never read the whole book. That is probably her. It’s a very vegan book. All of these vegans would reject me, so my religion doesn’t even fit in with the rest of the ‘New Age’ or ‘UFO’ religions. If you don’t go vegan, then you get burned up in the great upcoming solar event and you don’t get to ascend to a higher density universe or something. I’m doomed.”

    Doom has gone soft core porn!

    The Mod guys made a “map” of doom where you have sex with the demons,,, sorry I can’t remember the www attm but hey the reality sex game is so much funner to play until you get an STD.

    Atheism is just a rejection of the fact that someone or something might be more powerful than you. Absolute power corrupts absolutely.

    Corey Goode is an obvious “Red Herring” (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Red_herring) his career prior to “Whistleblower” was tech guy for Agitprop (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Agitprop) sites.

    My generation had Communion… https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Communion_(1989_film)
    I read the book… somehow in my memory before it was published?

    High vibration diet = the blood of a compatible infant tortured and sacrificed and then transfused into the vampire to prolong their parasitic existence.

    The whole “Raw Vegan” thing is a scam, since anyone who understands chemistry knows that cooking the vegetable matter makes it easier to digest. That said their is a caveat in that fresh vegetables and fruits provide certain things cooked meat and starches can’t.

    Hitler’s “High vibration diet ” was injections of methamphetamines and B-vitamins…

    “Rachael, who is probably the author of the book called ‘The Winds of Asharra’ ”

    Please send me an e-mail if this is who I think it is…

    E

    PS- If john can’t give you a ride let me know I could swing it the week after next as I have paid time off…

  4. Anonymous Says:

    Gemini is in the warm laundry, Aries is on the road.

  5. Nicole Says:

    Hey Eric, thank you for offering me a ride. I actually would love to see you sometime before I go to WV. John has suggested that I should stay in WV for a while, but I am in denial about that and keep thinking that I will just come back to State College before long. I’ll let you know how it goes.

  6. Nicole Says:

    I remember that. Wasn’t that up on that road, Pollock Road or something, across from the duckpond house? They had some huge pit of mud and clay because they were building, or something.

  7. Nicole Says:

    I looked up that Doom mod on youtube. It looks like the demons have a very muscular abdomen. Washboard? I think that’s the word I’m trying to remember. Six packs. Rachael: The book that her parents found was written by ‘R. Leigh,’ if I recall. I think they might have had the help of a detective. She was changing her name and didn’t like her last name, Weaver, but Leigh was her middle name. The author of the book is extremely reclusive and doesn’t want anyone to know her identity. The raw vegan thing – I agree with you, some stuff is harder to digest or has toxins in it unless you cook it. Corey Goode – I find him really interesting to read and I’m enjoying his website, but I don’t necessarily agree with everything he says. I read it more like ‘This is *possible* but not necessarily exactly true.’ I like reading about what is possible. I don’t entirely agree with everyone’s ideas of Ascension and what is going to happen, but I do appreciate the concept that our part of the galaxy might be moving through space, and the space changes so that there is more or less energy there at any given position, so that we might have a higher-energy space area that the sun is reacting with, which causes the sun to radiate more energy while we are in there. The idea that space is heterogeneous. I didn’t explain that very well at all, but it doesn’t matter, suffice it to say that something is going on with the larger system in space, and yet we are all blaming global warming (if it exists) on nothing but human activity.

  8. Nicole Says:

    I seem to recall seeing a History Channel documentary about the Nazis and about how some of them were using really toxic recreational drugs, the kind of drugs that make you crazy, paranoid, and violent. I think it was one particular guy that they caught and were putting on trial, I just don’t remember his name. I seem to remember something weird about his fingernails, like he had his fingernails painted red or something strange like that.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s


%d bloggers like this: