9 January, 2017 16:46

Jesse told ms that he was drunk at Wal-Mart and got thrown out, because he saw someone who looked like me from far away, and started shouting, “NICOLE! NICOLE!” When he reached her she said, “I’m sorry, I’m not the person you’re looking for,” and he started crying. He was crying and drunk and they threw him out. I have given some money to Jesse, and his love for me is partly dependent on money, but there is some real friendship and acceptance between us, and it breaks my heart to leave before he gets here. I will feel like I must come back here with unfinished business. “Come back when you’re wealthy and powerful,” the voices said to me, to sum up what I was thinking – I would rent a place near Charleston WV because the rent and land are very affordable there. Then I’d have enough money to buy an RV or something. Oh, my parents didn’t send money because Mom interrogated me and asked outright, as though she already knew, “Are you giving money away to someone?” I could not lie, and told her about jesse. Understandably, that’s why they stopped giving me the deposit this month. Jesse had most of his money taken away when the army punished him. I was sometimes ordering pizza from afar for him too. I don’t think I will be welcome at my parents’ house to stay. I would have to quickly get a job and an apartment elsewhere ASAP. There is no reason to believe I would suddenly be able to save money in WV even though the rent is low. Food cost is higher there. Food cost is already astronomical, even the zero nutrition garbage foods that poor people use to avoid caloric starvation – I bought a two liter of lemonade and a box of cereal at the gas station because it was cheap and would get me through a day or two. I ate the entire box in one day and the whole two liter. Canned food is also a couple bucks a can. And half of the can gets thrown away because I can’t eat it all. I never get canned food for those reasons – it is absolutely devoid of nutrition too. I actually don’t feel extremely hungry, just comfort food cravings.

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