2 January, 2017 01:04

One reason why I need to stay here at the camp is so I can do a more thorough total decon of my belongings, and continue to get rid of stuff. I did well sorting stuff a few months ago but can’t do it when it’s cold. This brown sleeping bag has pesticide on it, which causes fatigue and demotivation. I can’t even motivate myself to clean up the garbage in the tent. I also have a voice persona who seems to not understand or not believe in my contamination and pesticide sensitivity. So that persona is not supporting me. I know from experience that getting rid of pesticide covered objects causes me to get motivated and energetic without any kind of talk therapy. However, I do have a lack of motivation caused by lack of duality. That’s different, and we will only see it after I find love and am changed by it. Meanwhile, I miss having a cat, but I don’t want him here during the winter. It was so comforting to know that at least the cat was there at home. He kept me company. But he’s better off in a house with three cats. He needs friends.

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