Food addiction – some weird ‘withdrawal,’ blood sugar crash, which was temporary

So, this is a ‘first world problem,’ and I am well aware of that. I am not really starving. I didn’t get to go to either Burger King or the Uni-Mart next to the laundromat before they closed. They closed earlier than usual because all the students are out of town and they’ve been extremely slow. I suddenly decided I was hungry a little after 11:00 pm and went over to BK only to find them closed. I could’ve gone to Sheetz but didn’t feel like it. I decided to just sit out the hunger.

I’ve known for a long time that my ‘hunger’ is not real hunger. It’s a temporary and passing unexplained sensation that seems to happen either when the contents of my intestines reach some particular place or when my blood sugar temporarily crashes and then goes back to normal. I am not sure exactly what it is. There is a feeling of mild pain somewhere in my abdomen, and then, I was actually weak and almost dizzy, like I had low blood sugar and was going to pass out.

This was ridiculous, because in reality, I eat a lot of food every day and I eat a huge amount of calories and there is absolutely no way in reality that I could actually be in any kind of danger from hunger just from missing one single meal when I felt hungry and wanted food immediately. I just never ignore that hunger signal. I always eat immediately when I feel the slightest discomfort.

So I actually went a while feeling weak and feeling like I was going to pass out, even though I ate a good enough meal earlier and even though I eat high calorie meals every single day several times a day.

I am mystified as to why this happens – why does it seem like my blood sugar crashes temporarily and goes back up again? I am wondering if the bacteria in my intestines are actively secreting a hormone that does something to make my blood sugar drop. I don’t really believe the explanation that ‘when we eat high carb foods it causes our blood sugar to spike and then drop.’ I think there’s more to it. I think there is an actual hormone being actively secreted somewhere in my intestines, in the place where I feel the pain. This is only a theory though and I really don’t have much more to the idea than that, other than just the concept that ‘it’s some kind of hormone being secreted by the bacteria.’

Now my stomach is growling, hours later. But again, I know that this is not real hunger. Why was it that when that author whose name I won’t remember visited the primitive tribes and found that they were extremely surprised to hear that they were expected to eat three meals a day? They were offered a meal and their response was, ‘Again??? Already?’ They expected to eat maybe once every couple days.

Is this because they are eating raw meat, and therefore they actually have real nutrition? Carnivores do not eat every day – lions, tigers, wild cats, and so on. They cannot catch something daily, so they go quite a few days in between kills, and they survive. But they are eating meat raw and so its nutritional quality is much higher (note: I’ve eaten raw meat before, and it gives me parasites, so I don’t recommend eating any more than a few tiny bites until you’re confident that you can handle the parasites. The parasites are extremely uncomfortable and extremely disturbing.).

I have a small amount of cash left, which is what I had been planning to use to get my meal. I just scrounged up the last of the dollars and change. If this bank account thing doesn’t get fixed today I’m going to be very annoyed. I’m not looking forward to trying to struggle to get my food stamps card fixed so that I can use it, and anyway, you have to wait a few weeks for it to be delivered, so it wouldn’t do me any good now. I’d have to do that expedited food stamps thing where you get them faster because it’s an emergency.

It’s just that I can’t deal with paperwork. And I seriously *can’t*. It’s not a mere preference or a mere dislike. I physically cannot do paperwork except with extreme pain. And I cannot do it quickly. And now that my tent is a mess, I have no idea where I would find anything else they might want to see. Although, actually, some of it I know where it is, but I don’t have anything recent from Maki Yaki – no pay stubs.

I would actually almost rather starve for a few days than fill out paperwork. That’s how bad it is. I know for sure I can go to the church to eat dinner on Thursday, if only I can remember to do it. They have a really good free meal.

I know I have food addictions. I always observe them whenever I am in an apartment with a refrigerator and I’m able to cook for myself. I will cook healthy food, but often feel that I have a craving for something that I don’t have at home, even if I am eating plenty of saturated fats and other things that people typically crave. I never feel like I can entirely, completely eat nothing but the food I prepare from scratch at home.

I try to troubleshoot these cravings, to notice what triggers them. Tomatoes trigger tobacco cravings, coffee cravings, chocolate cravings, and sugar cravings, and tomatine is similar to nicotine. I go into withdrawal a few hours after eating tomatoes. Same with hot peppers in any form, no matter how minute the quantities are. I can’t do any of this right now because I’m camping and I have no
refrigerator and I also don’t have any kind of primitive food infrastructure either. I have to wait till it gets warm outside before I can do any work on my camp, setting things up.

I have the pain in my abdomen again – some of it may be because I am drinking straight tap water from the laundromat, unfiltered. If I drink unfiltered tap water it results in pain in my stomach and intestines, because of all the heavy metals, plastics, chemicals, germs, and other horrible stuff. A lot of stomach pain goes away if only I drink filtered water. This pain is interpreted as hunger. It seems to be comforted if I fill my empty stomach with something. I think this isn’t the way it’s supposed to be. It isn’t supposed to be painful.

I have to go home and sleep. I wasn’t able to do much more on the video game. I tinkered with it but didn’t fix the problems. I changed a few things, deleted a few things, tested a few things, and wasn’t able to finish all the testing and tinkering. I know I will get it figured out soon.

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