gift horse in mouth complaint – It wouldn’t be Christmas if I didn’t hate all the gifts I received

There’s a lady who has been talking to me a lot at the laundromat because her dryer at her apartment is broken so she’s been taking stuff here a lot. She’s an ESTJ, in my own Delta Quadra. She brought me a bag of gifts because she saw me today – she went home and got them and came back to give them to me.

This is my analysis of the inner mouth of my gift horse. Thanks for the artificial sweeteners! (I don’t have the little ‘facepalm’ smiley icon, but I would use that here.) She gave me some sugarfree gum, and a whole bunch of chocolate-filled Pepperidge Farm cookies, which I would have loved to eat years ago, but not now when I’m avoiding all chocolate and caffeine. I have a feeling I will eat these – I haven’t been having chocolate cravings, I’ve been having coffee cravings, and only when I’m exposed to tobacco. I have had occasional very small bites of chocolate in random incidents and accidents and did not go back to uncontrollable coffee guzzling.

It also has, HORROR OF HORRORS, OH GOD NO, a RED APPLE, as in a ‘Red Disgusting’ breed of apple. Those things are unfit for human consumption. For the love of God, don’t ever try to eat the Red Disgusting breed of apple. ANY APPLE BUT THAT! And a couple of the tiny oranges, cuties or tangerines, whichever they are – which I already happen to have, myself, at home, because I already bought some and I’m gradually working my way through them. Now I have two more. A granola bar which also contains forbidden chocolate. Two packs of hot cocoa mix, which also obviously contain forbidden chocolate. A ziploc bag of Chex mix party mix stuff, which is kind of okay, except it almost looks like a few of the things in there also might have chocolate.

Two little bottles of body lotion/fragrance stuff – wtf??? I never even go anywhere near that type of thing. I wash my body with shampoo. I don’t think I will even be able to pretend to use those. Sadly they might have to be vanished to somewhere.

‘Are you a vegetarian?’ she asked, and I said no. So, I’ve also gotten these pinwheel things, which have sandwich meat and cheese in them. Those look kind of interesting, but I can’t eat them right now because I’m chewing gum.

Christmas is great as long as there isn’t any gift-giving! I love Christmas lights and Christmas trees, and I do feel a kind of nostalgia for the Christmas tradition feelings and emotional associations. I don’t hate Christmas as much as I hated it a few decades ago. But that’s because I’ve gone a very, very long time neither giving nor receiving any gifts – no pressure. Now that I’m getting gifts, it’s the same thing all over again that I used to hate about Christmas – if you don’t know somebody very well, you don’t know that they aren’t eating chocolate, you don’t know that they
passionately hate artificial sweeteners, you don’t know that they avoid all use of body lotions or any similar products, and, well, am I supposed to give you something in return? Because guess what, there’s not gonna be ANY kind of gift that I’m ever gonna give to you, because I passionately hate giving gifts, even to my closest loved ones, and much less to a near-stranger who is a casual acquaintance.

I’m sorry. Looking a gift horse in the mouth is one of my essential Christmas traditions. It wouldn’t be Christmas if I couldn’t complain that somebody gave me a horribly inappropriate gift because they have absolutely no idea what I like and dislike and they assumed that all my likes and dislikes are totally normal and totally mainstream like everyone else’s. ARGH.

Okay, I guess Christmas is over.

5 Responses to “gift horse in mouth complaint – It wouldn’t be Christmas if I didn’t hate all the gifts I received”

  1. Anonymous Says:

    you make me not want to help

  2. Nicole Says:

    It’s not easy for people to help in a way that actually helps.

  3. Nicole Says:

    And I should add: the type of help that I need is, for people to completely and thoroughly understand me, and especially to understand why I am doing what I am doing. I don’t want a lady to give me a bag of food. I want someone to understand why I am choosing to camp in a tent. I want people to understand that this is a choice and that it is not merely a passive accident – that I didn’t somehow randomly end up there in a tent, but I have chosen to do it and there are reasons why.

    All people can grasp is ‘Oh, you’re homeless, you poor thing! You must not have any money, and you must be unemployed, and you must be incapable of getting a job, and you must be totally unaware of all the government services that are out there to help people like you, because otherwise, there is no reason on earth why you would be camping in a tent.’ It’s this pre-written narrative, this explanation, this interpretation, of what I am doing, who I am, why I am doing it, what kind of circumstances I came from. This lady is always offering me food and asking me if I have any money, when it’s plainly obvious that I have a whole bunch of food sitting out on this desk at the laundromat where I’m sitting. She isn’t putting the pieces together and realizing, ‘Gee, somehow, this lady is providing her own food for herself. She doesn’t need food.’

    Why is it that when the police and everyone tell me that there’s a homeless shelter right here in town that I should go to, because it’s free – why doesn’t it occur to anybody that actually, there’s also a hotel right across the street from where I’m camping, and I’d much rather go there in an emergency if for some reason it suddenly drops to 40 below zero and I can’t handle it? I’d much rather run a few hundred yards across the street to the hotel, or even, go knock on the door of a random stranger, because I know people would let me in – simply because it’s faster, easier, closer, and more convenient to do those things than it is to find out where in the hell is the particular church that is scheduled to do the ‘Out Of The Cold’ program on this particular date, and then take a taxi (wait, aren’t I supposed to be a poor person who has no money? and how am I supposed to research and discover the location of this specific church in the middle of the night when I’m so poor that I don’t have a laptop that connects to the internet?) to get there? And then I’d probably have to sign a whole bunch of paperwork or do something weird like that to get permission to go in. Whereas if I go to the hotel a couple hundred yards across the street I just need my credit card and nothing else, or if I decide to knock on the door of a stranger, I need nothing at all, except an apology and some gratitude? There are dozens and dozens of houses surrounding me, but everyone, everywhere, feels compelled to tell me that I ought to go to the homeless shelter because that’s the designated place that homeless people are supposed to go.

    I just want people to understand how I see things and why I do what I do, but unfortunately I don’t have any good friends living in State College who I can have a good conversation with who really understand me deeply, which is why I spend all my time complaining about my life on my blog.

  4. Anonymous Says:

    you are illogical. It is a shame because expectations were high.

  5. Nicole Says:

    That kind of makes me wonder how long you’ve been reading my blog. I know from experience that my reaction to gifts hurts a lot of people’s feelings. It has always been a problem in my relationships. For the past few years I haven’t had a boyfriend who was nearby enough to give gifts to me for Christmas, so I didn’t have to fight that battle, but it was a major issue when I was living with my ex-boyfriend in the past – every year I had to beg him not to buy anything for me, and he would buy stuff anyway, and I would warn him that I’m not buying him any gifts, and he would get mad at me because I was serious, I actually wouldn’t buy any gifts for him. I’d try to say it’s because of my socionic personality type, except not everyone of my type hates gift-giving and gift-receiving as much as I do, so that doesn’t entirely explain it. But I do know it hurts people’s feelings badly when I react this way.

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