Dec 4th: first day of cycle

I haven’t been writing down my menstrual cycle anywhere so it’s here in my blog nowadays. The only reason it’s significant this month is because Jesse is most likely coming home for Christmas, and I have to remember what day of the cycle it is, so I know when I’m ovulating during his time at home. The whole thing about him getting in trouble for smoking marijuana is kind of blowing over. His drug test came back negative. He did have several weeks of paychecks reduced or taken away, but still got some of them, just not all of them. He’s allowed to eat in the ‘DEFAC’ or whatever, the dining hall, although he wasn’t allowed for a couple days. It turned out that he actually just confessed to smoking marijuana while he was doing the drug test, even though the test eventually came out negative, and just confessing it is what got him in trouble. He said he thought he’d get in less trouble if he confessed it voluntarily than he would if he took the test and they unexpectedly found drugs that he didn’t mention to them.

I started my period this morning but I have to go to work this afternoon, and I started cramping badly enough that I was worried it would affect me at work. I took two ibuprofens when I woke up this morning, but they didn’t work, and now, I’m at the laundromat, and I took two more Advils that I just bought at the convenience store, because sometimes I’ve noticed my pills become stale or something and they stop working after a while, even though they haven’t reached the expiration date. So I am going to be very sick at my stomach today. I took three (total, out of both batches) of these pills with food, but the fourth one I just crunched in my mouth and drank with water. That’s the one that will make me the sickest. It’s strange, Advil doesn’t taste like the generic ibuprofen that I normally buy. When I crunch that, it’s very bitter, but this Advil had barely any taste at all, other than the sweetener that they put on the outer coating, which was like an M&M. It wasn’t bitter and it tasted like pretty much nothing. I have always noticed that I get different side effects when I use Advil versus the generic brand, and I believe they are formulated differently. The side effects of Advil are much worse: I get shaking and trembling hands, for instance.

I washed my hair in the sink just now but kept it braided while I washed it.

Ohhhhhh… I don’t know if these cramps are going to go away. How in the hell am I going to work today? It always correlates to diarrhea at the same time that I’m cramping. I think my intestines are touching against my uterus. It’s going to be a horrible day. I am going to be running to the bathroom every five minutes. I don’t want to ask if I can go home sick because of this. I’m going to be sick at my stomach too because of the drugs, and cramping by itself also makes me sick at my stomach (because I’ve done it a few times without using any drugs, just to see what it was like, but never on a workday). It wouldn’t be the end of the world just to cramp if I weren’t going to work!

Jesse is probably coming home – he was afraid he would lose permission to leave – but now that his test came back negative I’m sure he’ll be allowed to come home. I don’t really believe him, but he has said a couple times that he is going to try to get me pregnant, or rather, stop trying to protect against it. I’ll believe it when I see it. If only I could explain to him that I’ve already tested my ability to get pregnant, twice, a few months ago, and I’ve already discovered that it is extremely hard to do and it’s going to take a lot of attempts before it finally survives. I expect he has nothing to worry about and he could do it exactly the way Agustin did and nothing would happen except I would be temporarily pregnant for a few days.

Oh my god. This Advil had better start working. I am really going to be in trouble at work today. Sick in every way possible. Oh yeah and I felt like I had a fever all night long, too. It was like a really bad hot flash lasting all night long, which is different from what normally happens to me. Normally I only experienced a hot flash if I drank coffee. I stopped drinking coffee when I temporarily got pregnant from Agustin, and have remained caffeine-free all this time, by a miracle, in spite of nonstop cravings, temptations, and opportunities, in a society where caffeine use is viewed as normal and healthy when in fact it is not. It is an extremely addictive drug. It’s one of the hardest addictions to break because of its universal social acceptability – nobody gives a fuck if you drink caffeine or not – there’s no stigma. Everyone is doing it everywhere and it’s available at every single store that you shop at, every restaurant, and every person around you is using it. You have to see it and smell it and have it offered to you dozens of times every day. No wonder it’s so few people who ever quit caffeine (after having started using it, that is – it’s much easier to avoid it if you’ve never gotten addicted to it).

Anyway I didn’t get hot flashes from anything else except coffee, but all night long last night I was so hot I had the tent door open and I had my arm outside the sleeping bag, even though the thermometer said it was like 45 degrees in the tent. I don’t know if this is because I was sick with a fever, or if it’s because I was starting my period and didn’t know it yet.

Okay, I think the drug is kicking in. I feel it now. Finally one of them worked, the one I chewed up and drank with only water. All the others were completely bound up and inactivated and not absorbed, because I ate them with food. But I’m still cramping really badly – they’re getting worse – and I know from experience that I have to stop the pain before it starts, or it gets completely out of control.

I’m just waiting at the laundromat until this passes… I have to be at work at 3:00 and it’s 1:50 right now… not much time left. 😦 I’m also getting nauseated now. Oh, this will be a horrible, horrible, horrible day….

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: