Rambling about stuff; woke up to the sound of a weird brain entrainment rhythm that I never noticed before

11:04 AM 11/27/2016

I started typing this on the smartphone, but the battery died just after I started. So I’m starting again on my laptop. I just won’t be able to publish it until later.

I had a weird experience this morning. First let me write a couple notes though.

harry potter – why do i like them?
beef tallow
kimchi experiment
coffee withdrawal, continuing

This morning when I woke up, I could hear the brain entrainment frequency so loudly, I thought one of my phones was vibrating. I have never had this happen before. So I have a theory about why I was suddenly able to hear it. Let me explain.

I have noticed that my auditory perception changes after I’ve been exposed to particular chemicals or eaten particular foods or drugs. I first learned about this when I was doing the Feingold Diet again as an adult in the year 2000. I read that the ringing in the ears (tinnitus) can be worsened by eating lots of salicylate, which is naturally occurring in fruits and vegetables, but there is a lot more of it in some than others. So I learned, if I eat watermelon in particular, I get a whole lot of ringing in my ears. I don’t know why – maybe the ear canal is swollen or something, which would change the way the sound vibrations travel.

It also changes if I am going into withdrawal from a drug. So for instance, if I would take St. John’s Wort, and then stop taking it and go into withdrawal, I will hear the sound of people screaming, in the background noise of everything. It is a strange, terrifying distortion. It happens to me from all antidepressants. I notice it most when I am first waking up. Some frequencies become louder and some become quieter. That particular sound is associated with the extremely negative emotions that come along with antidepressant withdrawal.

I don’t know what I did to alter my noise perception, but this particular distortion has never happened to me before. This was totally new. I can only theorize that I did something yesterday that affected me.

Well, the most unusual thing I did yesterday was, I assembled and then used a brand new cheap propane grill which California has said causes cancer and birth defects. I do notice unusual symptoms after touching and handling objects that have the California Cancer warning on them – I don’t just outright get cancer that very instant, but I notice sensations like the dumbing down of my brain, or a feeling of slowness, or a sort of dizzy feeling, or tickling in the skin where I touched the object. These are temporary and they go away after a while, when I wash off.

I actually took a shower at the YMCA yesterday (I’m still camping and cannot shower easily, even though now, technically, I do have a source of hot water, but not much hot water at one time!), so I washed myself off very well – they have really nice high pressure water there, unlike both of the houses where I have rented a room over the past couple years, both of which had horribly pathetic water pressure – I might have just been standing there pouring a cup of water over my head.

Also, I had very mild food poisoning, which I assume was from the kimchi (I also had the green grapes, and the only thing that went wrong with them was, some salad dressing accidentally spilled into them from something else I ate, but I wiped it off) – it was too many days old and it had exposure to the air inside the jar, and the temperatures outside were warm, and I didn’t bury it underground, I only put it underneath the tent. It actually probably would have been safer to simply keep it out in the open completely, not inside a jar. I didn’t get deathly ill, I just had weird sensations when I was lying in bed yesterday morning, and, disturbingly enough, in spite of what that web page said (you don’t get botulism from fermented vegetables), they resembled botulism. It was the slightest bit of a sensation that my eye muscles were doing something weird – they were slightly reluctant to move. My heart didn’t stop beating. I had other weird sensations too, a general malaise, sensations of anxiety, and other stuff that I just didn’t bother writing down and forgot about – it wasn’t important, it was only informative enough to tell me that the food was poisoned now and I should stop eating it.

Note, that web page didn’t say anything about OPENING THE JAR, EATING FROM IT, CLOSING IT AGAIN, AND LEAVING IT AT ROOM TEMPERATURE for two or three days. They always say once you open it, put it into the refrigerator. The only time when it’s left at room temperature is when it’s still completely sealed and hasn’t been opened to the air at all yet, when it’s still in the fermentation process in the beginning. I was aware of this and I’m not blaming anyone – I’m the one who did the experiment.

So anyway, the food poisoning chemical has also been in my body recently, which could have been another thing that altered my sound perception.

The other unusual thing was tallow. I don’t eat a whole lot of tallow. I suspect the mainstream belief might be right about tallow – it does something to your heart. I don’t notice any problems from lard. I have had several experiences of having chest pains after eating beef fat. It is within 24 hours, like almost every symptom, when most people have been led to believe this idea: ‘Only a scientist can tell you the causal connections between things you did and the symptoms you experience, and things like cancer and heart disease only happen gradually over a period of decades, and you can’t possibly know what you did all those decades to cause you to get cancer or heart disease unless a scientist does a long-term study on a large population of people to see what happens to the entire group.’

That entire idea is completely wrong. You can observe exactly what is the connection between your symptoms and what you did, usually within a short 24 hour period, and this includes things like heart attacks. If someone has a heart attack, they did something unusual within the past 24 hours, such as, for instance, they suddenly stopped taking a drug and went into withdrawal. Blood pressure drugs cause you to have heart attacks when you go into withdrawal, and this is not merely ‘your original condition returning,’ but rather, a WITHDRAWAL SYMPTOM from the drug itself, which you never would have experienced if you had never taken the drug. That is how they hook people to drugs and terrify them and convince them that they need them. This whole thing is an absolute, utter lie and a trick that makes billions of dollars for the drug company.

However, there are many different factors that can cause a heart attack within 24 hours, and most people don’t know what they all are and haven’t memorized them all. I have collected a few things over the years simply because I’m interested in medical topics and have had some weird experiences, so I know things like inhaling smoke will do it, and eating tallow, and quitting drugs, and some other stuff that I can’t remember offhand.

Well, okay. I don’t know what caused it, but here is what happened this morning. I was forced awake in the middle of a dream, as always. It wasn’t a very interesting dream. The voices always talk to me when they wake me up and they usually explain something about the dream to me. Dreams are always fake, all of them – they are scripted and written by humans who force them into your brain using electronic mind control. I don’t know if I have ever had a natural dream in my entire life. They said this morning that it was a dream about ‘an annoying autistic guy,’ who was inspired by Credence on ‘Fantastic Beasts,’ which I watched yesterday. I didn’t find him to be annoying at all, but apparently some people must have. I don’t remember anything about the dream.

But as soon as I was awake, I was hearing this sound. It was a deep buzz, like the phone vibrating, occurring once every second or two, at a slow speed. I couldn’t count the seconds and pay attention to the buzz at the same time, because it was possible to kind of forget how to hear it. It merged with the background noises and would not have been noticeable. It sounded like an airplane, and when there actually was an airplane going overhead, it seemed like that was what it was coming from, because the buzz was about that deep. It also came from the cars driving on the highway. It was from all the background noise everywhere, coming from it, but with some other modulating frequency that gave it a buzzing sound every 1.5 seconds or something. It was extremely regular, perfectly rhythmical, and absolutely unnatural.

Meanwhile, as I was lying there trying to listen to this new and unfamiliar phenomenon, the voices were still bugging me. ‘Do you love me? Do you still love me?’ it kept asking. The voices told me this had something to do with Chris, a guy who once answered my craigslist ad when I was trying to find a boyfriend several years ago. He is an ENFP, my dual. I liked him the most out of several other people who I talked to. It still isn’t as good of a relation as I would like, but he seemed to be the most intelligent and the most verbose and able to communicate.

Well, what went wrong with him was, he was using benzodiazepines. He was yet another one of the countless victims of mainstream medicine. Anyone who doesn’t fit into society gets drugged, especially the people who are the most interesting, most intelligent, and most nonconforming, people who do not like being labeled and put into a tiny little box and forced to work as a slave forever.

I was so extremely sensitive to his benzodiazepines that I went into withdrawal and was having mild convulsions and was kneeling on the floor in the bathroom for hours trying not to vomit, and I had terrifying, crippling anxiety. This withdrawal began only a few hours after touching him. It also happened anytime I touched his physical belongings, such as a book that he gave me, which had his benzo-laced fingerprints on it.

I think I remember vaguely the horror of trying to explain to him that I had problems with chemical sensitivity, but mostly, I just kind of stayed away from him without explaining why. Then, immediately after that, I was forced into the situation with Rick, which was not something I chose to do, but resulted from a huge amount of
harassment, torture, drug residues, and mind control lasting for years. That effectively kept me away from Chris, although I remained friends with him.

I know from experience that drug residues last an extremely long time, although not all drug residues are the same. Ephedra is an
unbreakable molecule that will last literally forever, as in, I think it would last thousands of years if you used it deliberately to put a curse on an Egyptian mummy’s tomb, and I’m not joking – I had a theory that poisonous plant juices could have been sprayed in the tombs to ‘curse’ them, curse anyone who broke in and tried to steal the stuff. But other plant molecules do eventually break down somehow, sometimes from sunlight.

Benzodiazepine molecules – they must have a benzene ring in them, because of the name. Ephedra also has a benzene ring, which is the part that’s unbreakable – NOTHING can break open a benzene ring, except the strongest forces in the universe. It is not a normal everyday force that breaks apart a benzene ring. It doesn’t just happen passively. So these molecules are probably still on him and his belongings now, even though, if I recall, he once told me he stopped taking the drug. He wouldn’t understand. I had years and years of unbearable, unbelievable, horrible experiences with ephedra that taught me this lesson – nothing ever just goes away on its own. You have to throw every molecule in the garbage to get rid of it. It’s exactly like the black soot on the bottom of the pans at Maki Yaki, how it spreads from one thing to another, but it’s invisible. And it goes through your skin and causes horrible symptoms that will utterly ruin your life. Benzodiazepine wasn’t as horrible as ephedra, but it’s bad enough.

So that is why I still to this day hesitate to try to get with Chris again, even though part of me wants to. He isn’t really my desired physical type – he is too big and too tall – I tend to like people who are a little bit shorter, like myself, not someone who is twice as tall as I am. But I can accept that – I have been with other people who were a similar size to him. It’s not just tallness, it’s bigness – I tend to like people who are skinny and have no muscles, although they can have lean, wiry muscles, which are actually very sexy, just not huge bodybuilder muscles. But the main problem is the drug residues, not anything about his physical body. I would have ignored all of that.

Oh, that’s right – that’s because of what the voices have been doing. They keep bugging me about Chris, and they did that again this morning while I was struggling to hear this unusual, perfectly rhythmical, unnatural, mechanical, recurring buzz overlaid on top of the background noise. I forgot why I went off on a big tangent about Chris.

Harry Potter. I don’t have a lot of money, and I’m going to use up what little I have, because there won’t be a paycheck this week, and I haven’t gone out there to talk to the food stamps people. So I will basically go this whole week, and all of next week, till next Friday, without any more money. I have a tiny bit of cash savings that was supposed to be used for something important, such as plane tickets, but I will probably use it for food. If I can really do this thing of buying food at the grocery store, then I might save money, but I have to troubleshoot my cravings. Oh, that was another thing I wanted to talk about.

Anyway, I saw the Fantastic Beasts movie. I actually walked in 40 minutes after it started, because I’m riding my bike and the bus to get there, and this is an unplanned impulse that I suddenly had yesterday, so I didn’t look up the movie times and the bus schedules. The movie was okay, not great. I would watch it again a few more times. I think they should use Jim Henson’s puppets instead of computer animation. That way the actors would be interacting with a physical object instead of an imaginary one.

I always feel different after seeing a Harry Potter movie, and seeing all the other people who like them too. It is one of the few times when I feel like I belong in a group of people. I do fit in there. Why do the movies mean so much to me? Well, JK Rowling typed herself INFJ, which is my socionic activator, someone in the Delta Quadra. So we already have a similar perception of the world, of people, of values, and so on.

But it’s more than that. It’s also because the first books were about children, and I have always loved stories and movies that had children in them, more than movies and books about adults. We don’t have enough children. I should go to Guatemala. They have a huge percentage of children in the society.

I also love them because they are about people living together, people being in school together, people eating at a table together. Those scenes are always in the Harry Potter movies. I missed the beginning of the FB movie, but there was no school and no group of people eating at a table together, although there was still the idea of a secret community. This is for people who feel like they don’t fit into normal society, and I have always felt that I don’t fit in to normal society. It’s for people who want normal life to be less normal, less boring, to have something wonderful and unexpected happen to them, to have some secret knowledge that they are going to learn.

Watching the movies, and asking myself why I love them so much, and why I love being part of this particular crowd of people when I normally hate the society that surrounds me, hate the crowds of people who surround me – I ask myself why do I like this, and this helps me define my values. It meets some kind of a need, a very important need, and I want to know exactly what that need is.

Coffee withdrawal, continuing. I stopped all caffeine instantly, cold turkey, on the very first day when I had sex with Agustin in August and knew I could possibly be pregnant. That was the only thing strong enough to motivate me to stop completely. I had been trying to stop drinking coffee for TWO DECADES. Actually, I wasn’t really trying most of that time, I was just passively saying things like, ‘I wish I could stop drinking coffee and go back to being totally caffeine free like I used to be.’ I only really tried hard to stop a couple of times, and it would only last for a couple weeks.

This is the longest I’ve gone without caffeine in all those twenty years. It’s been a few months now. I STILL get cravings triggered by ANY OTHER drug exposure, especially tobacco. The slightest exposure to tobacco, and within a few minutes I am desperately desiring coffee. These drugs are all intertwined – alcohol, tobacco, and caffeine (including tea). They are all each other’s gateway drugs. If you have one, you are more likely to start doing the others, and when you are doing them all, you do them all together – oh, I’m going to get drunk tonight, and tomorrow morning I’ll wake up and have coffee and cigarettes as soon as I get out of bed. You go into withdrawal from one and it triggers cravings for all the others.

Even spicy peppers and tomatoes are triggering cravings. They are nightshades in the same family as tobacco. It’s not so bad – the cravings triggered by spicy peppers are not uncontrollable, but they were bad in the very beginning when I first stopped caffeine.

Garlic – it also triggers extreme and uncontrollable desperate cravings for things. I used, I think, four cloves of garlic chopped into that tiny little shallow pan of water with the chopped up sweet potatoes. I smell like garlic today. Garlic gives me this extreme, powerful thirst for an unknown something. It gives me cravings for fruit juice. If I have garlic, I desire fruit juice immediately afterwards, and it is an irresistible desire, very painful. Onions also trigger powerful cravings for juice, I think, but I don’t remember – it’s been a while since I had a lot of onions. I am only eating small amounts of onions on the random things I buy.

Troubleshooting cravings is one of the most important goals of cooking everything from scratch. I used garlic for a reason – to counteract the heart-attacking effects of tallow. But I want to stop all cravings for caffeine. Any powerful craving at all is a signal that something is wrong, in my opinion, which means that garlic might possibly become a forbidden food. Some people in the paleo community have said they do better without garlic and onions.

Popular foods always have some kind of craving-inducing ingredient in them. It will be wheat, dairy (especially cheese), tomatoes and the nightshade family and hot peppers, garlic – that’s not including things like chocolate. I’m fairly sure I get cravings for wheat and bread. Yesterday, after eating that sweet potato-garlic-tallow mixture, I ate some dried meat sticks – I forget what brand or what they’re called. Then, I was left with an extremely overwhelming craving for juice and bread. I went out and bought a sandwich and juice (although I ended up not really liking the particular juice I tried – when you’re in the middle of an intense craving, don’t risk trying something weird, just go with the one that works – I tried some bizarre variety of ‘Naked’ juice with some kind of vegetables mixed in it). This sandwich I bought had the craved ingredients of bread and cheese. Garlic is probably what triggered that craving.

I want to be able to cook everything from scratch and not buy a single premade item, and I want to go without eating bread. Dairy is inconvenient while camping – I am not comfortable with any methods of trying to preserve it at room temperature, and I don’t really want to eat powdered Parmesan cheese – yuck, I always thought it smelled like vomit – or canned milk. I don’t like sour cream and I tolerate yogurt only if it has lots of sugar added to it and preferably with fruit in it, or cooked into a savory food as they often do with Indian cooking, with lots of herbs.

So I need to understand all of the cravings – which foods are triggering cravings? Why do I have this desperate, relentless need to go out and buy something with bread, cheese, milk, or fruit juice in it? What is triggering that? Garlic is one of the most notorious triggers, but if I am going to be eating fats like tallow, I want a heart attack defense. I do actually eat raw garlic whenever I feel like I’m having a heart attack. I have had angina and heart attack-like sensations many, many times in the past, for many reasons – I was dating Peter, and he was using a whole bunch of drugs, and I would go into withdrawal after being with him, which caused heart attacks. He took blood pressure drugs among other things.
Antidepressants also cause heart attacks, along with heart deformities in the children of mothers who used the drugs while pregnant. Anytime I am having one of my pseudo heart attacks or angina (which sometimes even come with a clamping sensation and difficulty breathing, at their very worst – that was only a few years ago when that happened, and it doesn’t happen often – that was being triggered by eating a bunch of little beef sausages which had a whole lot of fat in them, during a time when I also had ephedra contamination, rhododendron
contamination, tobacco contamination, St. John’s Wort contamination, and all of Peter’s drug residues at the same time, during the winter when a whole bunch of smoke from the neighbor’s fireplace was coming directly into the bedroom where I was renting an apartment – just about every possible factor that could go wrong was going wrong simultaneously – oh yeah, I was also living in Bellefonte at that time, and I discovered years later that they had fluoride in the water, which I didn’t know at the time!), I always eat raw garlic, which makes it go away.

There is no actual legitimate ‘need’ to go out and eat wheat, bread, or noodles. You can get all of those needs elsewhere. Is it a need for starch? Nope, I had sweet potatoes. Is it an addictive desire for opioid proteins? Maybe. Is it an addictive desire for something fermented, the bread? Maybe. I do not know of any nutrient in bread that is actually ‘needed’ in such a way that I would desperately desire it, and so I classify it as an addiction, something unnatural and harmful and undesirable.

I should stop writing this and get ready for work. I need to comb my hair and try to eat something. I still have lots of dried fruits and nuts and maybe there are a couple meat sticks left too.

So, the weird noise this morning was what prompted me originally to write. I don’t know why I was able to hear that when I never have before.

*******
I had shut down the laptop and was eating some food, but I just remembered one of the most important things that made me decide to eat animal fat. A very long time ago, when I was a teenager, I used to read my parents’ ‘Time Life’ set of books. They had these thin hardback books, a whole series, about all the different places on earth, and one of my favorite places to read about was the Arctic and the Antarctic.

The people who went dog sledding in Antarctica noticed that if you didn’t eat any animal fat, you would quickly get frostbite, but if you did eat it, it protected against frostbite very strongly. The difference was extreme and noteworthy. This convinced me that there is some legitimate need to eat fat. They didn’t test it with all the thousands of different kinds of oils out there, so I don’t know if vegetable oil does the same thing, or saturated fats from plants like coconuts, or whatever is in avocadoes – I do eat coconut and avocado too when I get the chance. I only know that it was essential to eat fat when you were at risk of frostbite.

Last night, the buses weren’t running when I left the theater (I also watched ‘Dr. Strange’ after watching ‘Fantastic Beasts.’), so I rode my bike, and walked up all the long hills, all the way across town from where Lowe’s hardware is, all the way to Walnut Springs Park. I don’t ride my bike up the hills because I have bad knees. I get off and walk up the hill. Pedaling a bike is an extremely unnatural movement that the human body was not designed to do. I do not view bicycle riding as a healthy form of exercise. I do it because I have no other choice. I view it as damaging the bones and joints and I think it’s why my hips went bad. (My hips have been much less painful since I quit caffeine!!! This has been consistent this whole time, all these months since August – much, much, much less hip joint pain.) The bike seat on this particular bike is kind of wide in the back, for comfort, but whenever my leg presses against the bike seat as the leg is pedaling, it dislocates my hip – the bike seat forces the hip joint outwards while the leg is moving. I have to make sure not to let the back of my legs touch the seat of the bike when pedaling.

The bike is also made for people who have a normal proportion of torso to legs. I have extremely short legs with a very long torso, so I am sitting way upright on the bike, when I’m supposed to lean forward.

Leaning forward makes it much easier to pedal, if you put all the weight on the front of the bike, including any loads you are carrying, which should go into a basket on the front, and absolutely NOT into a basket on the BACK of the bike, which is idiotic – it slows you down and drags you, whereas if you put all the weight on the front, it acts like a seesaw and has an antigravity effect, lightening the weight placed on the back wheel, so that you literally weigh less on that wheel, and it’s easier to pedal – it’s like you are floating up into the air even when you go up a hill, as the heavier the load you’ve put on the front of the seesaw, the more the back wheel will be raised up into the air, with the front wheel as the pivot of the seesaw. Imagine putting so much weight on the front of the bike, hanging so far outward in front of the wheel, that you would actually topple over forwards. This is desirable. It doesn’t happen if you put it directly over the front wheel, which is the pivot. It only happens if the weight hangs outwards a very long distance in front of the bicycle, making it into a seesaw.

My bike is very unergonomic for me.

So I rode that bike all the way home from there, and walked up all the hills, but I am NOT TIRED this morning. I guess it’s too soon – I might be in pain tomorrow. I just thought it was interesting, and maybe it was because I had a very high energy meal with tallow in it. I have noticed tallow helps me to do a lot of hard labor without getting tired.

Okay – getting ready for work now. This is the first day I’m going back since the Thanksgiving break. I hope I remember how to do my job.

I guess I am kind of tired when I think about getting up and leaving my warm bed. I am noticing my hands are cold – this is probably from heavy metal poisoning and other chemical poisoning from the propane grill yesterday. My hands haven’t felt cold in a long time. I used to always be cold when I had a mercury dental filling. I haven’t felt cold in years. The thermometer in my tent says it’s 60 degrees, which is warm, and my hands shouldn’t feel cold.

Edit: I am in pain from going all the way across town yesterday. I didn’t notice it until now, after getting on my bike and going to the laundromat.

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2 Responses to “Rambling about stuff; woke up to the sound of a weird brain entrainment rhythm that I never noticed before”

  1. Anonymous Says:

    “Well, okay. I don’t know what caused it, but here is what happened this morning. I was forced awake in the middle of a dream, as always. It wasn’t a very interesting dream. The voices always talk to me when they wake me up and they usually explain something about the dream to me. Dreams are always fake, all of them – they are scripted and written by humans who force them into your brain using electronic mind control. I don’t know if I have ever had a natural dream in my entire life. ”

    Imagine if you will every human brain as a single nerve cell. They are all interconnected and function as the Mind of Gaia. They interact on an everyday basis face to face in our conscious physical realm. Tied together in this mundane realm by five senses and a set of culturally programmed socially acceptable rules of behavior.
    This conscious world is what is mundanely accepted by the majority of humanity who inhabit the middle of the “bell curve”.

    Now picture in your ‘minds eye’ another realm, where the “Sixth Sense” is dominant. This is the realm of dreams. A world where fantasy is the reality and the unconscious mind dominates. How do the individuals communicate in this realm? What is this 6th and how does it function? Perhaps it is this pineal gland and it’s odd mirror visualizations!

    Fast forward thru their milieu into the realms of history.
    They knew about it but had no technology to exploit it.
    Now that they do the phone is smarter than you!

    eta

  2. Anonymous Says:

    Can you handle my truth?

    e

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