Edit: the kimchi has gone beyond. Also, a new cheap grill.

It tasted fine, but I had funny sensations early this morning, so I won’t eat any more of it. I think it needs a deep pool of brine to be totally immersed in, with weights on top to make sure everything stays under, like they do with the mu, or fermented daikon radishes. Is it spelled "mu?" The kimchi in the jar had a lot of empty space as I was using it up. It was great for the first two or three days, but then it went bad. I don’t ignore the funny sensations. I was sort of having weird feelings in my head. Also, the internet says you can lacto ferment cooked vegetables too.

I bought the cheap $30 propane grill and used it today to cook "sweet potato garlic tallow soup." That was only a test. All those ingredients can survive at room temperature. It took a very long time to boil, maybe an hour. I kept the lid on the grill..I am poisoned by the fumes and chemicals, so my brain is stupid now. California knows those things can cause cancer and reproductive harm. I don’t know how long the stupid brain phenomenon will linger.

It was fun to assemble the grill. It was a "girl power" moment. I needed a propane grill because I’m not allowed to make fires here, and the smoke will be obvious and will show everyone my location. Now, however, the smell of cooking garlic might.

I’m writing on my putaphone, so this won’t be long.

It’s great to cook, but it took SO LONG and I’d have to do it every day either before or after work, and if there is extra, I can only keep it overnight when the temp is below 40, and eat the rest in the morning.

If I can find tiny individual portions of meat, maybe directly from the butcher???? Isn’t there still a customized meat department at some of the grocery stores where they give you what you ask for? I’d have to do that, because even the smallest packs of meat will be several days worth.

I need herbs and spices. A trip to the foreign foods store, to look for kaffir lime leaves. Other spices from other stores, the Chinese food store, which has that Szechuan pepper, which has a uniquely numbing sensation, which I tried a couple years ago…. And a place to put all this, because I’m putting too much crap in the small tent where I sleep.

Tiny portions, bought daily, then cooked daily… A daily trip to a grocery store that has a custom butcher…. Or dried meat that keeps at room temp. I am skeptical that culinary herbs preserve meat. How does one safely test such a thing? Under what conditions? I know they are used as antioxidants. Preserving meat at the underground temp of 55 degrees, or cooler if it’s later in the winter and I’m still doing this. …. Just musing. Now that my brain is poisoned, it’s too hard to make complicated sentences and finish them. I just need lots of salt and herbs. They’re preservatives.

So anyway. I need to go take a shower at the YMCA today. I just wonder, will it really be possible to shop for, and cook, tiny individual meals, every single day, with few or no leftovers unless it’s cold overnight? Will I save enough money, and also eat healthier? I’m sure I’ll eat healthier. I could try to break the dairy addiction. Then I wouldn’t need to go to burger king at all. But I’m not sure if it’ll be cheaper. I could try it for a while. It’ll require tons of time. TIME, to shop and to cook. And to prep. I just had to sit there in the cold for 45 minutes or so. Actually maybe it only took 30 minutes to boil the shallow pan of liquid. I will feel as though all I ever do is shop, prep, cook, and clean up, and do it all again the next day, with my chemical poisoned brain.

But, I will try.

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