Weird dream. Flying, falling, being thrown by somebody

I recall a couple parts of the dreams. In one, I was holding onto a peacock feather, which was helping me fly, although this was probably like Dumbo the elephant – I was probably able to fly without the peacock feather. I just had to meditate and focus my mind, and I would rise up into the sky and float and swim through the air. I flew up into the trees and was terrified because I might fall down by accident if I lost my mental focus. The mental focus is always unstable and unreliable, so you can’t go too high or take too many risks, and if you’re falling and terrified, you have even less mental focus than before.

I don’t know why it was a peacock feather. ‘Peacock’ means that something is showy, visually, something decorative, something that gets attention. It also looks like an eye.

This is also probably because I beat the Martian Invasion and also the Pumpkin Moon in Terraria, although I’m struggling and can’t get past the Ice Queen in the Frost Moon. I run out of time before I can reach the 15th wave of the moon. It’s taking too long to kill the monsters. But I got a new flying saucer as a gift from the Martian Invasion, and now I can fly anywhere I want and stay up in the air without falling. The other flying wings and the hoverboard only fly for a short time, then slowly fall, till you touch the ground again and push back up. The UFO (it isn’t really unidentified – it’s obviously a flying saucer! but they call it a UFO in the game) can fly forever anywhere.

Well, the other dream was a bit weirder and scarier, in a way. Arturo from Kaarma threw me off a three story building or perhaps down a three story high staircase or something. I don’t know why he did this. I fell, and landed perfectly safe, shocked to find that I was totally unhurt. Maybe this is because Mike from Maki Yaki probably feels guilty about not giving me any hours at work during the school break. Arturo has the same personality type that Mike does – ESI-ISFJ. Arturo in the dream was kind of mad at me or something, I think. We had some kind of strange relationship. I think he was talking on his phone in the dream, too. That happened in real life – one time I got mad when he was talking on the phone during siesta. I found out that seemingly Arturo and Agustin were both sharing the same phone, or something like that, although he didn’t actually say it was Arturo who would have his phone.

Oh, I read about Guatemalans. An article about men and women’s roles said that the men would find a prostitute and view her as ‘community property,’ belonging to everybody. So that is probably why they thought I belonged to everybody and not just to Agustin. Even though I insisted I wasn’t a prostitute, and I paid for the hotel myself.

So I was running around in this big building with a lot of people, and I had a lot of relationships with various people there, in the dream. I forget… it had some similarity to the orphanage in ‘Annie,’ also, because in real life I was sometimes singing ‘Hard Knock Life’ and a couple other Annie songs while washing dishes, and Arturo heard me one time and recognized the songs, and he hummed ‘the sun will come out tomorrow.’ They could hear me singing better than I could hear them, because I was right next to the open door, which was noisy, and they were back farther in the room, shielded from the noise, able to hear me clearly.

Oh. Maybe this is telling me I should try to go back to work at Kaarma again? I had been planning to actually get a couple hours there, as a waitress. Maybe if I decide I want to work more and get more money I will go do that. I just wanted to keep the connection to them, because I did like them a lot, really, although Freddy himself was annoying sometimes – not all the time, just sometimes. I didn’t want to leave, I just wanted to work fewer hours.

I don’t remember anything else about that dream. I was trying to find somebody and tell them something, trying to fix a relationship problem, having an argument or fight with somebody which was an ongoing disagreement, a long-lasting disagreement, behind the scenes, not actually happening in the dream, but just a general long-lasting vague conflict or argument with somebody.

I just remember the moment when Arturo suddenly threw me down a three story height and I landed perfectly safe. That was very weird and disturbing. I was indignant and angry, like ‘Hey! I could’ve been killed!’ but was so surprised that I wasn’t dead. That kind of resembles one of the achievements in Terraria called ‘lucky break,’ where you fall from a height and nearly die but have only a tiny sliver of health remaining. I discovered that achievement by accident!

Oh yeah, there was another dream, I think from a day or two ago. There was a guy who might have possibly been a cruel and unkind representation of Jesse. He was represented as having a ‘mental disability’ in the dream, somehow. I just knew. It was described unkindly, like ‘mentally retarded’ or something. This guy was dragging me around by the throat, and in the dream, I liked it. I liked being dragged around by the throat. In real life, I do not actually like being dragged around by the throat. But there was one thing I appreciated that Jesse was doing – the problems he’s having are kind of pushing me to do more. He wants help with money, he wants help with a loan (I didn’t go to the bank today, though – I was exhausted because, oh, I forgot to tell about the dolly cart – so I slept all day till I went to the grocery store). He is actually kind of benefiting me because he’s encouraging me to try and get a loan, and if I am able to do that, then I’m able to get my own loans as well. I won’t be able to do anything right now, though, I’m pretty sure.

The dolly cart. I have taken out either ten or eleven bags of trash and oddly shaped packages, and put them into nearby dumpsters. A couple of those were bags of ordinary trash, though, not actually stuff I removed by sorting my belongings. But still, it was a lot. Last night, late at night, I took my dolly cart with four bags on it to a dumpster. It was a very long, slow walk, and it was freezing. I had my face covered with a little black fabric band thing. I took the dolly down the long, winding, hilly path in the woods. I forgot that it was able to be converted into a cart, so I took it at an angle on the two wheels, which was painful and tiring. Finally I remembered I could unlock the one bar with the little metal key thing and put it in so I could push it like a cart, and that made it much much easier. But because of that, I was totally dead exhausted today. This is chronic fatigue – difficulty recovering from relatively mild exertion. I slowly pushed this dolly, and it made these loud rumbling rattling noises, which I was afraid someone would hear. It was a constant rolling rattle. I took it all the way up a big hill on the sidewalk to an apartment building and put all the stuff in the dumpster. This is an unburdening.

I have less and less stuff in the storage tent. Now, it might be reasonable for me to move it all someplace, although the tents themselves, and the stuff in the small one where I’m sleeping, will still give a lot more packages. Now that I have a dolly, it’s much much easier to carry things along the path.

I’m feeling like I’m reaching the point in the process where I might have to change tasks. I can no longer say that I have thousands of tons of stuff to be sorted and thrown away. I have only a few more things, not tons and tons. The process needs to change to some other process now, a new task. I don’t know what that task is. I am lost. I have no direction for my energy.

That lobster bisque was actually kind of gross. I’m disappointed. Oh well, I never tried it before. I didn’t know what to expect. That particular brand, maybe. Also, I ate it cold. It’s probably much better when it’s hot. I bet that’s the problem. I do need that $30 propane stove, but that’s one more thing I have to carry when I move. I don’t know whether to buy it or not. It could help a lot, but damn it, nothing is ever stable. I can only buy infrastructure when I have a place to put it, long term. Infrastructure gets thrown in the garbage because I cannot sell it – that takes too much time and I don’t have a car to drive it around anywhere.

So. That’s all I remember. Oh, I was shopping at a mall, or something, with the guy who was dragging me by the throat. We were shopping, wandering around the mall, which had many levels, at least three levels. Yes, I’ve had a few dreams of wandering around in a multi-level shopping mall, looking for a particular store, or at the very least, an interesting store. I don’t know what store. At least it wasn’t the ‘I’m in school and I haven’t done any of my homework for the past three months’ dream. That was too close to my real life.

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