Korean eyes and souls; xenophilia, my love of other races and cultures; eyelid surgery is disgusting

10:44 AM 11/18/2016

This is mostly about my xenophilia – love of aliens, love of people who are different.

I actually have a few more chances to work on sorting out the stuff in the big tent. I have a few days off because we are so slow during this month when the students are gone, although international students are often still here, since it’s so expensive to fly home to foreign countries and then fly back again.

I write what the voices tell me to write. This morning they want me to explain my love of Asian eyes.

I am not exactly sure which day I ovulated but I’m pretty sure it was going on recently. I didn’t keep track of the exact dates in detail this month because I wasn’t in the middle of having unplanned, unprotected, completely internally inseminated sex with Agustin like I suddenly did in the months of August and September. The second time was planned, but the first time was completely unexpected. I just went along with it as a kind of surrender, because I am ready to get pregnant even if it is by accident.

I have not been in love with a socionic dual in all this time, although I spent many years with a semi-dual and just could not quite bring myself to marry him and have kids with him. Perhap I should have. Imperfect relationships have the value of producing imperfect children, which continue the species, rather than no children at all, which ends it.

In all this time I have been with a few men, just one person after another over a period of years, but none of them have been the right one to marry and have kids with. And then I had the contamination disaster in 2008 and dealt with that for several years.

This stupid laptop battery. I thought I had a really long time on it, but now it says it’s almost empty. I charged the whole thing to 100% last night, but because it froze last night or got very cold at least, the battery discharged. I always noticed the batteries discharged when they got extremely cold. So now I don’t know how long this blog will be before the battery dies.

Anyway, so I’m going to say a bunch of things that are racist. I’m 42 and it took me all those decades to decide that I really am racist, and it took me reading a few racist web pages, and listening to the voices in my head, to decide that I really am racist.

Strangely enough, this doesn’t stop me from loving all of the different races and loving the idea of multiracial people. I’m still a racist who sees real differences between the races, including intellectual differences, and I still love them anyway. I love all the varied types of beauty, all the different colors, the different textures of hair, the different body shapes, the different languages and clothing.

All my life I sometimes noticed ‘pseudo-Asian eyes.’ Every once in a while I would notice somebody who wasn’t Asian, but who had eyes that were a little bit like Asian eyes. One of them had blond hair, and he might possibly have been Finnish – I saw recently someone online who observed that Finnish people sometimes had Asian-looking eyes, even though they’re European. So there are squinty-eyed blond-haired Europeans out there.

I loved Keanu Reeves – he’s been around longer than I have but he still looks perfectly young. I also loved Joseph Gordon-Levitt the first time I saw him in Inception. Both of them have eyes that look slightly Asian. Keanu is a mixed race person and so his eyes are explainable, but I don’t know enough about JGL offhand (and I’m not connected to the internet right now) to be able to explain why his eyes look Asian.

I always noticed that these people would usually be more likeable and interesting and intelligent than most people I met. Although, the blond guy with squinty eyes was a jerk – he was a kid who rode the bus with me in West Virginia. He was not at all smarter or different from other people, aside from being the biggest jerk on the bus who was the ringleader of a whole bunch of other jerks. Maybe being a jerk is an achievement.

My own eyes are slightly unusual, and I can’t see them when I take pictures myself, but I sometimes notice it if someone else takes a picture of me and gets my eyes at a good angle. My Aunt Jean also has eyes like mine. They are deeply set in the skull, differently from most people’s. This might possibly come from some particular ethnic group that we have, but I don’t know what it is. I am a combination of German, English, Welsh/Celtic/Gaelic/Irish (whatever, some stuff from that region), and one tiny tiny little drop of Native American on my mother’s side. I always was attracted to Irish music with its beats of three. There isn’t much music on earth that comes in beats of three – it’s unusual. Irish music has things in three, six, or nine beats and I always found them to be more enjoyable than songs in beats of four.

I had a coworker at McDonald’s who had slightly Asian looking eyes, but looked mostly European – his name was James. He was smarter than everyone else there, and had better taste in music, and when I talked to him, I could feel a greater intelligence and more depth in his thoughts. I found out he was actually half Asian. I don’t recall which particular Asian – I know they are not all the same, I just don’t remember what.

So I have a long history of noticing attractive and intelligent people who had Asian blood somewhere in them. Eventually when I got on the internet, I started getting in the habit of googling images of people from foreign countries. This habit became much stronger after reading the Weston Price book about facial deformities. I discovered that I just absolutely love to look at the faces of foreign people of other races, for hours at a time.

I also sometimes try to look up various types of facial deformities, which isn’t really a happy or enjoyable google search, just more of a morbid fascination.

Fuck – my phone just buzzed, but it’s dead and I can’t turn it on to see if I was getting a text from Maki Yaki about wanting me to come in to work. It was alive enough to buzz, and perhaps it could’ve been giving me a warning to say ‘I’m dying!’ and that’s why it buzzed, but it might have been a text message, and now I’m going to sit here wanting to know whether I have to go in or not. Argh! Maybe I should call them.

Okay, no, the buzz on the phone wasn’t them. Yippee! I still get a day off! I’m not going to be yelling yippee when I get that next paycheck. But I will be yelling yippee if I get a lot of stuff done over the next few days.

Okay, so where was I? I was explaining that, in my personal experience, people who looked somewhat Asian were often more attractive, interesting, deeper, intelligent, and sensitive than ‘normal’ European white people.

So it was a natural next step that I would also become fascinated with Asians by looking up stuff about them online and sometimes even going so far as to watch K-Pop music (it’s not all that great, really, most of the time, but some of it is okay) and Korean dramas and other Korean movies. I noticed that these movies, and actually all foreign movies that were less influenced by American culture, were very interesting and quirky, and innocent. Foreign movies have something American movies don’t have. I can’t describe what it is. It is just unexpected little things.

Watching these movies I encountered Korean actors who were extremely attractive, and it helps greatly that they tend to have longer hair than Americans, since I love long hair in any form, even balding long hair. I dated a man who had a balding mullet and I still loved his hair, especially since he also grew a beard along with it. (I have to give a disclaimer every time I mention beards: I know some races of people have less of a beard or no beard, and I don’t demand beards if people aren’t able to grow them.) A balding mullet is preferable to a shaved head, definitely. I do not use the word ‘mullet’ pejoratively – it is merely a word that describes any haircut where, for some reason, the top and front are shorter than the back, which also happens when you grow your hair long after it’s bald.

It’s even okay to grow the thinning part long, although Peter (the guy I was dating) shaved off the thinning, balding part of his hair. I tried to tell him to let it grow but he refused. Decades of frustration with men refusing to do what I told them to do with their hair is the reason why hairstyles are the most important law in the Anaya religion / intentional community.

I loved Brent’s hair at McDonald’s. I just remembered him. He was an ESFP, my socionic illusionary, the same type as Agustin who I had sex with this summer, and the same type as Jesse. Brent had a combover. Everyone complains that combovers are the ultimate faux pas in hairstyles, the worst thing you can possibly do. But I absolutely loved Brent’s hair because he was refusing to cut it off while going bald on top. It still had length and was able to flow and move, and you could run your fingers through it (although I never did with Brent – we weren’t that close, I just loved him from afar). I have noticed very often that large numbers of people will complain about a hairstyle that I myself actually think is good merely because it preserves at least some of the length of the hair, combovers and balding mullets both being an example of this. Combovers and mullets are both better than shaving! Even Donald Trump’s horrible hairstyle is preferable to a shaved head, even though I don’t really know what on earth he’s going for with that. He probably uses hair spray or something, which I don’t approve of, since it prevents you from touching the hair and combing it with your fingers.

I’m not sure how long till this battery dies. I have to at least talk about eye deformities and Asian eyes before the battery dies.

Eye deformities affect any race. Weston Price didn’t specifically talk about eye deformities, he talked more about jaw and dental deformities. In one of his photos of some Celtic people who were supposedly well-formed, one of the women was wearing eyeglasses. This makes me ask the question, are eye deformities just as preventable as jaw deformities? Note, I disagree slightly with Weston Price, as I believe it’s not all caused merely by malnutrition, but rather, I believe the deformities are caused by exposure to particular chemicals, such as tobacco, caffeine, tea, chocolate, alcohol, heavy metals, vaccines, and other chemicals and things associated with the modern lifestyle. There are people who grew up nearly starving to death in foreign countries, but who still have perfectly formed large mouths with all their teeth in the right place in spite of their extreme malnutrition.

Anyway, eye deformities can make even European people’s eyes look smaller, bigger, or strangely shaped. Eric, one of the guys living in the house where I was renting until recently, had eyes that were sort of drooping slightly open at the corners, so that the red part was exposed just a little bit and would dry out. I forget the name of this, but it does have a name. He also has gluten sensitivity. The association between gluten sensitivity and deformities is noteworthy.

People who were born premature, even just a couple weeks premature, tend to have an eye deformity that I find very ugly. Their eyes tend to look tiny and piglike, surrounded by a large amount of flesh. This is not what Asian eyes look like to me, even though they are similarly kind of closed or narrow. Premature births are extremely common because people are scheduling births to be done deliberately on a particular date for their convenience; however, those aren’t usually early enough to cause this severe of an eye deformity – it just causes tons of other lifelong problems including lung problems. This eye deformity that I’m talking about is probably associated with extremely premature people who were born by accident, not merely by scheduling the birth early.

Koreans are very aware of facial deformities, and they have a huge number of plastic surgeries. I was reading that they have perhaps the highest number of plastic surgeons per person in the world, although I don’t know if that statistic was real or just an estimate. I might be quoting it wrong. Even the Korean movies are preoccupied with plastic surgery and changing your appearance. There was one horror movie which was translated as ‘Cinderella’ or ‘Beautiful Faces’ or something like that – I’m confused about the title because of how it was translated. It was on youtube. I only watched a couple minutes of it. It was basically about regretting plastic surgery.

I HATE the Asian eyelid surgery. It looks disgusting and unnatural, it is NOT aesthetically appealing, it is obviously fake now that I know what to look for, and it usually looks badly done. One thing led to another and I ended up watching ‘Limetube,’ a youtube channel with a little girl who is shown playing, cooking, etc, with a little blue puppet who resembles Cookie Monster. Her mother seems to have had the eyelid surgery. Her eyelids just look disgusting. I can’t be 100% certain that she’s had the surgery, but it looks like it. I am not experienced enough to recognize the difference between naturally occurring folded Asian eyelids (which do exist), versus unnatural folded eyelids from surgery, versus a really dark line of makeup or eyeliner (which at least is temporary and removable, unlike surgery) that artificially creates a visible line on top of the eyelid. I can’t get close enough to see it and can’t ask the lady in the video, or rather don’t want to rudely write a comment asking about this, especially since I am extremely negative and hostile about this surgery. I am not going to write a comment telling her, ‘Hey lady, your eyelids look horrible and disgusting. You should never have done that. Too late now! It sucks to be you!’

Asians, and Koreans in particular, are often shaving down their jawbones to make their faces look more like the narrow European faces, which are often deformed. Narrowness of the head and face is not a good thing, and in fact, it is an indicator of an even smaller brain. Basically, you’re saying, I want to be deformed and I want to have a small brain like a European. Asian heads are bigger and wider because they really do have bigger brains that are smarter. You’re not allowed to say that because it’s racist, but it’s REALLY TRUE, and I know it from 42 years of life experience and observations. Asians are smarter and it’s true and it has to be said. They tend to move faster and think faster, with more nuances and subtlety. They tend to say things that are deeper and more unexpected (to me, after a lifetime of being surrounded by Europeans who say things that are shallow, predictable, lacking insight and lacking nuances).

Weston Price observed that the deformities cause brains to be deformed, too, but even when European brains are fully formed, they are not as large or intelligent as Asian brains.

Preventing the deformities is extremely important – life or death – it determines whether your child will have a short, miserable life afflicted with health problems and mental defects, versus a long healthy life with the maximum, optimum potential fulfilled. People with fully developed skulls are healthier and happier in every possible way regardless of race. This is all over the Weston Price web pages and in the book.

So, surgically shaving down their jawbones to look more European is copying the WORST aspects of the European race, not the best. I understand that sometimes, deformities cause the jaws to have strange shapes and sometimes they are trying to correct these strange shapes. Koreans do have a lot of deformities, just like Japanese people, who seem to have the worst of it. I expect these are probably caused by tobacco most of all, but there are many chemicals and drugs, in addition to malnutrition, that are causing them.

Anyway, broad, wide faces are a GOOD THING that needs to be embraced as a positive racial trait, not a negative one. Similarly to broad noses being a good thing, not a bad thing. Narrow nostrils are one of the typical deformities, and yet, people who get plastic surgery often try to copy this deformity as though it is a good thing.

I have learned to appreciate the Asian eyes and their other traits that make them uniquely beautiful. It takes a lot of experience for me to learn how to recognize Asians, but I am able to do it – it’s true, I do often think ‘they all look the same’ until I get to know them, but I have read that other foreign people think the same thing about Europeans, except with Europeans, you have at least a few minor differences in hair color to help out with recognizing somebody, and some minor differences in hair curliness. With Europeans you can at least categorize someone as ‘the guy with curly blond hair, the guy with straight red hair, the guy with straight dark brown hair,’ and so on. That helps me recognize people. But most Asians have straight black hair, except a few ethnic groups that have some variations. So I have to look directly at their faces and learn to recognize them only by nothing but their faces, with no other cues, although I can also categorize them by the size and shape of their bodies. The big guy, the skinny guy, and so on.

So this is where it gets mysterious, and the laptop battery will probably die before I can explain it. The soul, and the energy, and the mysterious force that surrounds the body. Asians have souls. I can feel them. Sometimes I can feel them very strongly, more strongly than other times.

One time I was waiting for a bus, sitting on a concrete wall, and a very old wrinkly little Asian man sat down next to me. He was beautiful. I could feel his soul, his energy, his spirit, emanating out of his body, just by sitting near him. This is probably a real, physical, measurable electrical field. To be scientific, I would claim that for some reason, Asians are able to more effectively radiate an extremely strong and projecting electromagnetic field, perhaps more than other races do.

This is actually a measurable, testable claim. All bodies radiate a bioelectromagnetic field around them, but you can perceive the qualities of this field. I cannot describe the nuances of these qualities. But it was Asia where they first observed the meridians of acupuncture. Those are not merely an imaginary invention. They exist and are measurable. They observed them thousands of years ago.

I can feel this soul, this spirit, this energy, and it is something that makes me more attracted to them than I am to European-Americans. Sometimes I don’t feel it, and I am probably exaggerating something about them just because I am fascinated with them (and I’m under the influence of the St. John’s Wort residues that have contaminated some of my clothing, since I cannot do a major clothing decon right now). But many times it really seems like it’s there.

I should finish this up. It’s warm, it’s afternoon, and I have things I desperately need to do. I need to eat first. This is the last warm day. The temperature is going to plummet and it’s going to snow, in the next couple days, over the weekend. This is the last time I will be able to work in the tent at a comfortable temperature in the bright sun, sorting the papers and the belongings in the bins that I’m trying to get rid of and have been dragging around with me for years, the things burdening me and making it hard for me to move from one apartment to another.

If I want to avoid playing Terraria, I can just leave my mouse at home, while taking the laptop to the laundromat. I can post this blog and get some food but not stay there all day. That’s what I’m going to try to do. I don’t want to stay there the entire afternoon. I want to eat something and then come back home.

I’ve had a ton of new achievements in Terraria. Now that I’m ‘unblocked,’ past the ‘gamer’s block’ that is, I’m able to do it again. I went all those months unable to do a single new thing with Terraria, until finally this fall I started playing it again and broke through the barriers. Now I have a character with powerful weapons, and I have the knowledge and confidence to know I can beat these monsters.

THEN THEY HAD TO FUCKING ADD NEW MONSTERS, THOSE GODDAMN GAME DESIGNERS. FUCK YOU AND YOUR FUCKING UPDATES THAT SLOWED DOWN MY GAME SO I LOOK LIKE NEO DODGING BULLETS IN SLOW MOTION IN THE MATRIX. This is sort of funny, and annoying, at the same time. They did a new update with a whole bunch of new stuff, a crossover with some dungeon-something game. Dungeon Defenders or something like that. What the fuck, I have never heard of this before. Now the game is EXTREMELY FUCKING SLOW on my little ancient netbook. DO NOT TELL ME TO GET A BETTER FASTER COMPUTER YOU FUCKING TROLLS. THIS IS YOUR FAULT. Nobody told me to get a better computer, but I just KNOW that some troll somewhere would tell me that if I complained about this. I did write just one comment about it on Steam. Don’t even get me started about buying new computers and new phones and new gadgets. Just don’t. Don’t even go there. I like my old ones. The more primitive, the better. Anyway, now I am moving so slowly I literally can dodge bullets and other projectiles coming at me in the game.

Okay, I’m ready to go, I guess. Just have to get dressed and get my backpack. I won’t stay there all day. I will use this day to do something I need to do.

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