“Text me” got written but not given

There was just too much "flirtation" or whatever you want to call it. I wrote a note on a piece of paper towel. I will rewrite it on paper, then carry it in my pocket, and get agonizingly painful adrenaline rushes as I look for opportunities to give it to him next time I see him. That might be a while. It’s thanksgiving break and students are going home. We are slow and they said they might schedule us all for fewer hours. So seeing him again soon might not be easy.

I fantasized about placing a delivery order during the hours when he’s working, but I don’t feel comfortable either using a fake name or letting the whole world know I ordered a delivery hoping he would bring it to me. It’s fine in the fantasy but too uncomfortable to do for real.

By the time I give him the note, I will be so far beyond ovulation that I will have forgotten that sex even exists, and it will be the most disappointing and unromantic beginning to a relationship ever. But, fine, we will have to redevelop the relationship another month until ovulation happens again.

So, I went a little while tonight carrying a folded paper towel that said "text me," for lack of a piece of paper. How impossible, to give it to him, and not be seen by everyone as I do it. It’s not so much that I can’t give him a note without being seen – it’s that I cannot hide my intense embarrassment afterwards and my behavior change. Gee, Nicole, why are you suddenly acting all awkward and nervous? Oh, nothing, nothing’s happening, nothing happened, I didn’t do anything. It will be obvious that SOMETHING HAPPENED after I give him the note in the midst of an adrenaline rush. Why am I smiling, or smirking, or laughing, or crying, or acting weird all of a sudden? Nothing, nothing!

So, I’ll have to carry a note burning a hole in my pocket for weeks maybe. But his behavior tells me it’s okay. I just don’t want to do it in front of everyone.

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