Lard causes cravings for leafy greens; Burger King salad is one of the worst I’ve ever had; weird dreams

The Weston Price web pages talk about how if you eat pork along with sauerkraut, the sauerkraut mitigates the effects of the pork on the blood. By itself, the pork will cause your red blood cells to clump into rouleaux, little stacks of ‘coins.’ If you eat it with the sauerkraut, they will not clump.

I am noticing that when I eat the lard, I get a very strong craving for leafy greens afterwards, and I have been eating more salads than ever during this time of testing the pork lard. What could possibly be a healthier craving than a craving for leafy greens? This is kind of awesome.

However, I don’t always have access to greens that I can forage, so I am buying salads. Today, I bought a salad at Burger King. It was one of the worst salads I’ve ever had. It was nothing but iceberg lettuce, with chicken on top, a small amount of cheddar cheese, and bacon. I didn’t get the croutons I asked for, which I only noticed just now after I’ve eaten the salad. Ooops – I’m wrong, yes, I did get the croutons, I just didn’t see that they were in there and I forgot to put them on. My bad. I’ll just open the bag of croutons and eat them now.

Anyway, so the small packet of dressing wasn’t enough to distribute through the salad, so I ended up trying to choke down a whole lot of dry iceberg lettuce. You shouldn’t have a whole bunch of dry, plain iceberg lettuce left over after you eat the more desirable ingredients of the salad. There should be enough of everything the entire time you are eating the salad.

If you’re going to have a salad that ends up being just a bunch of plain greens with nothing on them and no other ingredients, the greens should at least be something interesting with a high nutrient density. There are many types of greens that can be used in salad. You need a variety of them, some of them with different flavors, including bitter flavors. Bitter flavors are actually desirable in small amounts.

I feel like my brain isn’t working very well today. I slept and had some weird dreams. Yesterday I found a hawthorn tree and was ripping apart the berries, and taking pictures of it so that I could go to the Native Plant Society facebook group and ask them what kind of tree this was. The hawthorn berries are edible, but the seeds are poisonous. From reading, I believe this berry might be a beta blocker which will cause my heart to slow down, and when I go into withdrawal, I will have angina. So if I try to eat any of the berries, I will only eat a tiny amount of them, then observe my symptoms. People do say the berries are edible. They smelled good to me, like apples and plums, and I’m told they’re in the apple family. The seeds have cyanide in them.

So I wonder if touching and handling those berries might be what made me feel kind of tired and dumb today. I don’t know.

I had a long dream. I don’t remember all of it. The voices told me what one of the symbols meant after I woke up. We were terrorists and we were going to transform a train into a plane and then do something with it. I don’t know if it was going to be crashed into something, or shoot something, or what, because I woke up before that happened. I was with a group of people. The ‘train’ was actually just one individual train car running down the tracks by itself, not a long train with many cars. It would just jump off the tracks and transform in the air into a plane, then fly away.

After I woke up, the voices said that the ‘train’ refers to a trainee, and the ‘plane’ refers to being ‘plain’ in appearance. I had been fantasizing about training my replacement, training people to do jobs for me, and requiring them to grow their hair long and become plain in appearance like I am. So the dream was making a verbal joke out of that. The train becomes plane.

At the end of the dream, I remember looking at a picture. It was a picture of someone wrapped in a blanket, sleeping. The other day, in real life, I had been thinking about finding a dead cat hit by a car, but saying that it was only ‘sleeping.’ In the fertility forums, they also say that their babies are born ‘sleeping’ if there is a miscarriage.

So in the dream, this was a photo of a sleeping person wrapped in a blanket, but I thought it meant this person was dead. But this was a contradiction, and you can’t have any contradictions in your code, the dream voice said. The code must have no contradictions or the program won’t work. How can this person have written a book if they’re dead? The person wrote the book with a picture of themselves wrapped in a blanket, ‘dead,’ after they were dead? That was a contradiction. How did they write the book? How did they publish it? How did they photograph themselves while dead? The program wouldn’t work because it was contradictory.

The program was trying to operate the train that would transform into a plane. I think it might have meant something about life after death, because I’ve been talking about eternal life by means of reproduction, although it isn’t the life of the individual, it’s the life of the group or the species. I still care about the immortality of the individual, which is a separate concept from the eternal life of the group passed down through childbearing. I am interested in methods that make people live much longer or make people immortal. Would I ever tolerate getting some kind of a shot or vaccine made in a factory by mainstream medicine and the drug industry, if it would make me immortal? I don’t know! Interesting challenge. Maybe I would.

I also want to reverse aging, regrow lost body parts, and make eggs and sperm from people who are not fertile for some reason, people of any age, make them from ordinary body cells or stem cells or some other special kind of cells in their body. These would not be clones, but they would be like eggs and sperm, with the chance to merge with another and get genes from both parents.

Those are all fantasies I have about what I would want to do using science and medicine if it were up to me. It is connected with the Anaya religion.

After seeing this person in the blanket sleeping, a purple blanket – it was a dark blue purple color – I remember being outside and the flying drones were attacking us, because, I guess, we were terrorists. The drones were green. I thought they were just airplanes and I didn’t know if they were drones or if they had people inside them. There were lots of these bright green airplanes in the sky over the house that I was walking towards. I was trying to get into that house but I was terrified of the green planes above it. They were just flying around randomly and I guess they must have been shooting and killing people, but I didn’t see it happen, I just knew that they were. I don’t know how I could see the color of the planes – it was such a bright green, it might have been like the entire plane was glowing in the daylight.

Then one of the planes saw me walking through this open field towards the house that they were over, and it moved towards me – I saw it getting bigger in the sky as it moved towards me – but then, suddenly, it turned back and didn’t shoot me, and it went back to the group of planes. I was trying to run as fast as I could towards this house, because there was something important that I needed in there, my stuff, or people I cared about, or something.

Some of this is probably about ‘aliens,’ and ‘aliens’ refers to humans from other countries, so this might have been referring to the workplace crush who ‘moved towards me, then away from me.’ Those planes were UFOs, aliens. I don’t know why they were bright glowing green though. Maybe just because aliens are little green men? I don’t know. Or green means ‘go?’

That was when I woke up. I never got to see the ending of the program where the train would transform into a plane. The program must not have worked because it was contradictory. But I was frustrated because it was so close to completion – everything was together, everything seemed to be working, but then there was this
contradiction. Something which was dead wasn’t really dead or couldn’t possibly be dead. It was so frustrating to suddenly wake up when this whole plan was just about to be completed and we were right near the end of the plan. Everything was together and it was all working great.

I have known for a long time that it’s extremely hard to get into a sexual relationship with socionic identicals (other ISTPs like myself). Neither of us is able to make the first move to bring us into a closer relationship. When we do, it often has an
uncomfortable, sickening, over-intense sensation of being
overstimulated and having too much oxytocin hormone. It feels incestuous and unnatural. That is based on my previous experiences with other male ISTPs that I tried to have friendships with, whenever I felt any sexual attraction to them at all. I felt sexual attraction to both Eric and Jason from McDonald’s, and yet, I lived with them all those months and barely touched any of them, including their father who also seemed like another ISTP. We only had a few brief moments when sexual hints were given, but they did not progress. We are lacking this warmth, this draw, this pull, that brings us together. I also knew another male ISTP that I had some feelings for, and I wanted to hug him but felt the sensation of being ‘violated,’ an unpleasant sexual sensation, once again, of having too much oxytocin, being overstimulated, in a way that is gross and sickening.

I call this phenomenon the socionic incest taboo – you can’t have sex with your own identicals, because they might be some long-lost relative. It seemed like this would be okay with a Korean guy, who is such a distant relative that my instincts shouldn’t be worried about incest, but apparently the incest taboo is still there.

I am able to use my mobilizing function (+Fi) intermittently enough to do something like ask my crush about the details of his past life and his likes and dislikes, but cannot use that function very well for very long, so I default to my sensing-thinking functions, the same as his, and the sensing-thinking functions do not easily bring us closer together. I cannot ask him, ‘What’s bothering you? Why did you pull away slightly?’ We are able to stay friends with a little bit of distance, keeping our space, but it’s hard to imagine actually being able to go all the way to sex, even if I am ovulating, because somebody has to make this leap, which feels too abrupt, too decisive, too unnatural – I have to say, ‘Let’s get together,’ and that makes it a formal relationship, with all these duties and obligations. What if one or the other of us doesn’t feel in the mood to hang out on a particular day? That would be a violation of their free time and their space.

But I don’t want another ESFP. I do love Jesse, and I loved Agustin in whatever way I could love someone who I barely knew and could only see from a distance as he interacted with our other coworkers. But yet, neither of them could give any sexual foreplay, and aside from sex, they would not give much hugs and no comfort of any kind whatsoever, neither giving nor receiving it. It was not possible to touch either of them in a comforting way for very long, although there was one isolated rare incident in which I was able to snuggle with Jesse on the couch, stroking his hair. He normally does not tolerate any such thing for more than a second or two. My next boyfriend has to be someone who values this sort of touch.

There was a terrible incident last Christmas where I got mad at Jesse. I actually smoke a tiny, tiny, minute fraction of a single puff of his cigarette. I became extremely angry for days and days afterwards. I was still working at McD. I got sick one day, and was coming down with a cold or something, and I felt miserable, and I was still in withdrawal and still sick from the tiny fraction of one inhalation of tobacco smoke, and so I was trying to get Jesse to let me visit him and just to give me a hug. He totally ignored me and wouldn’t even give me so much as a hug just to comfort me when I felt sick and crappy. That was also the time when he had recently fallen in love with Kaelin. So he didn’t love me anymore at all and didn’t feel the need to give me the slightest kindness or respect or consideration. I remember being very angry with him for totally ignoring me while I was calling and texting him asking him if he would let me visit him just briefly and only to give me a comforting hug. It was during the short couple of weeks when he was home on Christmas break from the army.

It’s that kind of thing that I want to avoid in the future. I know, he had fallen in love with Kaelin at the time, which was why he was pushing me out of his life, but still. Even when that wasn’t happening, he still didn’t like to do a lot of hugging and cuddling, not enough for me, and no foreplay at all. Absolutely no giving of comforting touch to me, no focus on me at all, and did not like to receive any focused attention from me either. He did not usually like something like stroking with hands, or gentle massaging, or stroking of the hair, or randomly touching someone’s face and body at random places just because you feel like it. I like to do all of those things. They are not necessarily sexual. It is just taking pleasure in someone’s company, in their physical body being there, admiring how beautiful and attractive they are, but up close, not from a distance, and quietly bonding with these small gentle touches and gentle snuggling. When I did those kinds of things, he briefly tolerated it, but it annoyed him and he ignored it.

I don’t want to deal with that anymore. I don’t want another boyfriend like that. Agustin was the same – absolutely no foreplay. With him it was just instantly kissing very strongly and then taking all our clothes off immediately and then having sex right away. There was nothing slow about it. It was, get this done as quickly as possible. I want to sort of snuggle with somebody first, and gradually move to other types of touching, sometimes gentle and sometimes firm and energetic, but not immediately to sex, and not just to the sexual organs of the body, but touching the entire body everywhere in many ways.

At the same time, I do become impatient if there is extreme and excessive preoccupation with having extreme pleasure for long periods of time. I don’t care that much about trying to have multiple orgasms, or trying to have sex for as long as possible without an orgasm, or that kind of thing. Just *some* foreplay and *some* touching, from both of us to each other. I am telling you, there was NONE with either Jesse or Agustin – just straight to sex immediately, as quickly as possible, with ABSOLUTELY NOTHING of any kind before it or after it. Jesse used to immediately leave after sex if he was at my apartment, or get up and walk away after sex if we were at his house – never to lie there together afterwards. NOTHING. I’ve decided this is the ESFP personality type and I don’t want to get another boyfriend of that type.

Time is passing, and I am going to try to wash my hair before work. I’m at the laundromat.

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