I’m going to make a serious effort to leave this town and go south

7:25 AM 10/3/2016

So, I’m going to test the idea of leaving this town. I have hated this town for twenty years. The author of ‘The Millionaire Fastlane’ (I read this pdf file because there was this guy who used to hang out at McDonald’s constantly trying to win the lottery, and he gave me a link to the book) said that his life finally turned around when he decided to move out of some city in the north, like Minneapolis or Chicago or something, down to the Silicon Valley area, I forget where. I’ve forgotten all the details but the basic idea was, he said he no longer had to put up with horrible seasonal affective disorder every winter ruining his productivity.

This is true for me too. I spend more than half, more like 3/4 of every year suffering utter misery because it is wintertime. Winter lasts 3/4 of the year, and then we have summer for 1/4 of the year. Winter is when it drops below 70 degrees Fahrenheit. When it drops below 70 degrees Fahrenheit, I become totally incapacitated.

The natural behavior for every person in every region that has winter is to lie down and sleep for the entire winter, eating as little food as possible, and it will be the stored, dried, saved, preserved food that you collected during the harvest in the fall. You eat that same food until springtime, when you can start nibbling on leafy greens again and when you can hunt the animals again when they wake up.

Modern society does not allow people to spend even a single second being unproductive. You have to constantly pay your bills, and the bills are designed to constantly increase to the point where you have to work yourself nearly to death struggling to pay them. Their goal is to see how much they can burden you before you outright die. They do not care that you are suffering or that you cannot spend a single minute of your life on your own self.

When I say ‘being productive,’ I don’t necessarily mean producing money. I mean, being able to do the simple, ordinary things that make my life easier and better, like cooking my own food, or organizing things, or doing a project. I cannot do those things when I live in a place that has winter.

If this were a primitive society, there would be substitutes for the things that I am trying to do – I would have a good quality of life, I would have children at a young age, I would have people singing and dancing with acoustic instruments or no instruments as an everyday part of life, I would have socializing instead of television and the internet, I would have real friends. In the primitive world, people interact with other people and for that reason they have actual quality of life. So even in the winter, life would be worth living.

But here, life is horrible in the winter, and the winter lasts forever. Every year I notice that it has barely been the blink of an eye since the onset of the *last* winter, and here it is already winter again. The winter never ends.

I do love some things about winter, and I might miss it when I go down south.

But I have been having a series of constant disasters, and I cannot save even a penny, literally – I am in debt, on my credit card (fortunately it has a maximum of only $500). Going down south where it is warm for most of the year will enable me to have more time being productive so that I can recover from my long and endless series of disasters.

I still want to go to the north, too, and also to Antarctica. I really want to visit every place on earth.

However, I need to make a more permanent home in the south so that my home base is a place where I can be comfortable and productive. I will have to wear a hat all the time, and I hate hats, but I have cancer all over my nose and it awakens every time I go out in the sun. Then I get these itchy spot things that bleed and bleed and bleed if I scratch them. I probably got cancer on my nose because I used a drug called ‘Retin-A’ when I was a teenager, for pimples. That’s my theory. My dad had the same kind of cancer, and it was called basal cell carcinoma. He had some bad ones that he would get removed from time to time, and then he would go around with a bandage on the side of his face for a few weeks.

Leaving this town: I have been trapped in this tiny hell hole for twenty years. It is tiny, and there is no variety. I haven’t explored every single inch of it, but I have the general idea. I hate the people here in this town. There are a tiny number of people who are slightly less intolerable. The vast majority of the college kids are annoying douchebags who do nothing but drink and go to football games. Then in their remaining free time they study to become sociopathic murdering doctors and scientists whose job is to deceive the American public and kill people.

I will not be able to save up money before leaving this town. Whatever I do, it will have to be done without money. The soul murderers are not allowing me to save the slightest bit of money, and I have been trying to save money for DECADES. I have absolutely nothing, nothing, nothing, after being an adult and being out on my own for over twenty years and working at jobs, I have nothing saved, because my life is an endless string of unpredictable and
uncontrollable disasters caused by electronic mind control. The only thing that could possibly make it easier would be if I were in a place where I was physically more comfortable for a longer period of time each year, before being incapacitated by the wintertime.

My life is only going to go downhill from here. I have bad hips and I will either have to get hip replacements, or go into a wheelchair, if they continue to get worse. It is not merely ‘pain’ in the hips which can be drugged and ignored. It is the destruction of the bone. When the bones are gone, nothing holds the leg bone in place, so that when you put all your weight on it, it slips out of the joint because the joint is no longer there. The joint is a cup shaped indentation which becomes smoothed out and is no longer cup shaped, due to all the damage done to the bones. This happens probably because of
malnutrition and caffeine pills and herbal drugs, in addition to bike riding on bikes that aren’t ergonomic, and badly designed bike seats.

I began to notice hip pain when I was living on Mt. Nittany a couple years ago, and at that time, I was riding my bike long distances every day and walking up the mountain every day, while using caffeine pills and eating a bad diet. Lazy rich people who get to drive cars because they were never forced to contaminate their cars with ephedra, thereby necessitating that they get rid of them, will live to be eighty years old and never have hip joint loss. I keep seeing these old women whose hips are healthier than mine, because they had a long life of office jobs and one cup of coffee a day and always drove cars instead of biking. Manual labor and bike riding destroys your body. Caffeine pills are probably one of the primary causes.

The dumbest part about this is, I am functioning just fine without caffeine, which means I never needed it in the first place. It was the voices in my head that forced me against my will to agree to start using caffeine, when originally it was ‘against the law’ – I was absolutely and totally not permitted to use it in any form under any circumstances, but I remember having a long argument about it with the voices in my head, and at the time, I didn’t know the voices came from an external source, an evil group of people who wanted to enslave me and didn’t care how they destroyed my body to do it. Now that I’ve quit caffeine I am still able to go to work every day, although I have to troubleshoot attacks of severe fatigue caused by things like pesticide exposure.

If I were leaving this town, I would want to say goodbye to, at least, my ex-boyfriends who have stayed friends with me all this time.

Look at all that I have gained as a result of using caffeine for twenty years! I’m a multimillionaire now! Thank God for caffeine!

There are people who STILL BELIEVE that the paid trolls who promote caffeine as a healthy drink are telling the truth. THEY ARE PAID BY THE COFFEE COMPANIES. All the coffee companies WIN if the scientific studies claim that coffee in moderation is good for you. None of the coffee companies would EVER object to such a study being done. They are not competitors against each other – the coffee-promoting scientific studies never name one particular brand over another brand, nor do they emphasize that the least you can do is drink organic coffee instead of normal coffee – never. They just promote coffee in general as a health drink.

If several coffee companies conspired together, or if only one coffee company conspired, to get scientific studies done that allegedly prove that ‘one cup a day is okay’ and has no harm of any kind whatsoever, and also to do the same for chocolate, promoting chocolate as a health food MERELY BECAUSE IT HAS ANTIOXIDANTS IN IT!, when thousands and millions of other plant-based foods ALSO HAVE ANTIOXIDANTS, anyway, if someone caused that to happen, all the other coffee companies would be perfectly happy to reap the rewards of this scientific study promoting coffee and implying that it is NOT an addictive drug that you aren’t able to quit, implying that one cup a day ISN’T a gateway to drinking fifteen cups a day.

It has been a couple months now – I quit it during August. I was with Agustin on August 23rd for the first time, and it was that very day that I quit caffeine. So really, only a bit longer than a month since then. I’ve been off it all this time and I STILL CRAVE IT. IT IS AN ADDICTIVE DRUG THAT YOU CANNOT STOP TAKING. I only was able to stop it because I thought I might be pregnant. Now that it’s getting to be winter, and it’s getting more and more depressing, I crave such things again – coffee cheers me up and makes me happy and hopeful. It doesn’t matter that the world is ending, my cup of coffee makes me happy. It doesn’t matter that all of my life objectively is a total failure, my cup of coffee makes me happy. It is a substitute for real progress, a drug that literally numbs the pain – it is a painkiller.

I crave coffee after I’ve been exposed to secondhand transdermal tobacco, so I crave coffee every time I give Steve a hug. I saw him the other day, hugged him, went into withdrawal, and was desperately craving coffee all over again even though I had been doing just fine until then. Within a few hours of hugging him, I was going into tobacco withdrawal and I had a mysterious craving for an unknown something, which I would always satisfy by getting a whole bunch of cups of coffee, only to find that it still wasn’t satisfying the tobacco cravings. This puts me in danger of messing up. Every time I smell tobacco smoke, every time I touch objects and surfaces contaminated with transdermal tobacco, I am going to be at major risk for falling off the wagon and drinking coffee again.

My body is in pain right now, and this is because of the winter. That’s another thing. The coffee numbs the pain, and winter causes endless pain. My body is in pain from the moment it drops below 70 degrees. Constant pain, for more than 3/4 of the year, has been the norm for me all this time. I have never had the opportunity to troubleshoot my diet to try to prevent this, because my life has been so unstable for the last few years that I have no control over my diet and am eating restaurant foods and other things that are not customized for me. Every year, year after year, for most of my life, and I am 42 – for most of my life it has been constant pain for most of the year, and then partial relief from pain for a tiny fraction of the year, which quickly ends after only a brief month or two.

I could still theoretically travel, but I need to make a home base in the south. The home base will be the place I always come back to. If I own land and make a farm, it should be in the south. Then, if I become able to save money, I will still have the opportunity to travel anywhere I want to.

I will have to make this move without saving money, and I will have to contact all the various people and say goodbye to them. It isn’t a huge long list of people but it’s a few. It will be less difficult if I say goodbye to as few people as possible, because I do not want to fight against their grief and sadness when it’s so important for me to get the hell out of this horrible place, for my own survival.

Like Agustin, I am going to have to become coldhearted and callous and I will have to reject the grief and sadness of other people, in order to save my own life and get the hell away from this cursed hell. Will, a guy from McDonald’s, also had to do the same thing. He moved to Colorado – a place where I also wanted to live, but it’s not south enough, so I should not go there now – and he temporarily cut off his facebook friends, because understandably he didn’t want to have to see lots of people being sad and making him reverse his decision to leave.

I sometimes read blogs or go to websites made by people who live in the more southern states, and I can see that they have absolutely no concept of the endless pain and suffering experienced by the people up north. Their blogs and websites are happy and full of endless joy and hope and enjoyment of life, as though there is no suffering anywhere on earth.

I don’t think northern people were destined to constantly suffer. We probably do not suffer living in the north if we are able to eat a healthy diet from the moment we are born, and live a chemical-free, drug-free life without any deformities and without constant poisons all over us from our environment and from the chemtrails. There are various foods that cause arthritis – the nightshade vegetables, and vegetable oils, and other things – and so if we aren’t eating those foods then we probably do not suffer such constant pain.

I don’t think we evolved to be in a state of endless constant pain all of our lives. I think we evolved to enjoy life. It is the modern world that deforms us, poisons us, and starves us, so that we suffer pain and have to go down farther south than our white skin allows us to live. I will have wrinkled skin in a few years, down south, so I will have to constantly wear a hat and never take it off. I HATE HATS. I will have to find a hat that isn’t intolerable. That will take some time.

I asked my brother if he would be willing to give me a ride, and he says yes. He goes on occasional road trips, so he would pick me up and take me down south somewhere, but I don’t know where yet. It would be nice to be close to the ocean where I could get fresh seafood all the time. I could live in Louisiana. That’s where all the fat people are. But I also read some kind of news article or blog post about the phenomenon of happiness, and one of the people interviewed was in Louisiana, and they had a photo of him and a bunch of people eating seafood. I don’t recall if this was an actual photo, or just a description he gave, but he said they went fishing themselves and caught a lot of crayfish and stuff and then they had a big group of people who all sat around the table to eat together.

Maybe I could establish a corridor from State College PA down to my haven in Louisiana. It would be like the migrant corridor taking people out of Guatemala and bringing them through Mexico into the USA. I would rescue friends and fellow sufferers from this hell hole. There would be little towns set up along the way that were made specifically to accommodate refugees from State College. I would bring an endless stream of dissatisfied dropout college students who have realized that college leads to hell instead of heaven, and who have decided they want to live on an organic farm instead. I’m only kind of joking.

I don’t want to get out of bed to go to work today. It is pain, endless pain. This is wrong. I have to get out of here. The weather is cold and gray and rainy. I have no coffee to ease the pain. It won’t be long before there’s a day when I just can’t get up out of bed and have to call off sick. Then I will start losing jobs again – one of the recurring disaster patterns over these two decades has been frequent job losses every couple years. I’d lose fewer jobs if I weren’t in constant pain.

Okay, I’m going to post this. But I am serious this time. I am going to make a real effort to leave this town and go south to establish a home base in a place where I can function. After that, I can still talk about traveling to Nunavut and Antarctica and Mars and the moon.

One Response to “I’m going to make a serious effort to leave this town and go south”

  1. Anonymous Says:


    Go South young lady…

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: