what caused the pregnancy to terminate?

So, ‘they’ suggested it could have ended because I ate cream cheese – it was in one of ths sushis. The forum mentioned something about avoiding soft cheeses, and I blew it off because I figured it was bacteria-phobia – people are afraid of germs. But actually, it could be because of the penicillin, not because of just ‘germs.’ My coworker lost her baby because the doctor prescribed antibiotics while she was pregnant, and she lost it immediately after starting the antibiotics. Maybe low levels of the penicillium poison in cheeses can kill the baby.

But is it a direct observation made by real people, or is it a ‘doctor’s advice’ recommendation based on the belief that there are sometimes ‘germs,’ ewwy gooey scary mean old nasty germs? You have to understand the exact cause. ‘Germ phobia’ is misleading, but the avoidance of poisonous chemicals from penicillium mold is not. You can roll in dirt and eat dirt and eat raw meat but you can’t eat mold.

Interestingly, a strange pregnancy symptom that one website mentioned was vomiting at the sight of particular colors, such as ‘facebook blue.’ Facebook blue is a moldy color. However, that explanation doesn’t work because some people vomited at the sight of the color red.

Anyway, I felt like the baby was alive for several days, but then it died. I’m guessing that the test told the truth. Also I am no longer having dreams at night. I’m going to be prepared for my period to come in a couple days. That will be the final proof, although I do have one more test. I don’t have Agustin anymore so I can’t do any more testing.

The detailed knowledge gained over thousands of years of which foods to eat, which foods and activities to avoid, has been wiped out in an instant by the invasion of modern society. Now it is impossible to know which is true and which is superstition. Doctors lie to us constantly and tell us they are giving us a steroid shot to strengthen the baby’s lungs just in case it’s born premature, only for us to find that the steroid shot itself triggered labor to begin early. Doctors cannot be trusted.

I still don’t have absolute proof that it’s dead. I feel sort of ‘crampy’ now, like my period is about to begin.

Oh – Mike is telling me to get out of the house, again. Sigh… now I have to focus my energy on moving into the tent. I tried several times to email people from craigslist but it’s futile – it cannot be done quickly. Anything that depends on the PARTICIPATION AND COOPERATION OF OTHER PEOPLE cannot be done quickly because it is not under my direct control. That is why I go CAMPING.

Fuck the world. Fuck everyone. That’s not literal, either. I do need someone to inseminate me but I want that person to at least be tolerable.

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