The world rewards people like Freddy

8:53 AM 9/28/2016

My hormones seem to be doing something, because I am having problems with ever-increasing uncontrollable anger. It just starts up, and builds up and up and up and doesn’t stop. One thought leads to another thought which leads to even more anger.

I am thinking about Freddy from Kaarma. There are all these interconnected thoughts. The world is designed by people like Freddy to benefit people like Freddy, and Freddy’s tactics work perfectly fine in this world, and he will keep getting away with everything he’s doing, no matter what he does.

He refuses to sign a paper so that I can give it to the food stamps people. He doesn’t want to give anybody proof of the fact that he was paying me $400 a week to work 60 hours, which is $6.66 an hour (isn’t THAT appropriate?). I said 72 hours when I mentioned this the other day, because actually the time I spent in there or around there was 72 hours – 6 days a week, 12 hours a day, but with an approximate 2 hour break in the afternoon – however, I often had to keep working into the break. There were variations and I sometimes worked longer, either earlier in the morning, later in the evening, or in the break.

However, Freddy doesn’t understand that a lazy, apathetic, worthless government employee isn’t going to give a fuck about a piece of paper saying he paid me $400 a week, when it doesn’t even have to mention how many hours I worked. That government employee just cares about doing the minimum needed for his job, and he’s always leaving early in the day before they close, because I kept going out there to meet with him and being told that he had left for the day when it was only in the middle of the afternoon, so he must have left at like 1:00 pm or something. He just leaves whenever the fuck he wants to leave. Who cares if somebody can’t get out there at 9am?

So this lazy worthless government employee isn’t going to take it upon himself to arrange for an Action Squad to go out to Kaarma Restaurant and pursue Freddy for the laws that he’s breaking. The only ‘Action Squad’ that will ever exist is ME. But Freddy has to cover his ass and not sign a piece of paper saying he paid me $400 a week even though that paper isn’t required to show how many hours I worked.

The world will reward him for this behavior, because the government will just tell *ME* to take even more trouble and hassle to find some alternative way to prove my previous income. *I* am the one who will have to waste more time and effort finding a way to do this. Meanwhile, nothing will happen to Freddy. I mentioned on the phone to the food stamps guy’s voice mail that Freddy refused to sign any papers because he was breaking a bunch of laws, but I already know it doesn’t even matter that I mentioned that. All that will happen is that this lazy, worthless government employee will feel no personal involvement and no personal responsibility for my situation, and he will say, with his bleary eyes half shut as he’s dreaming of how early he’s going to go home from the office today and what TV show he wants to watch when he gets home, he will tell me something like, ‘Here’s a number that you can call. You have to tell them about Freddy violating the minimum wage laws, the overtime laws, and the income tax laws. That’s YOUR responsibility.’ Meanwhile, I expect this guy will do nothing to help me find an alternative besides getting this signature on this paper from Freddy. He’ll just be like, ‘Oh well, you’re fucked. Goodbye.’

So *I* have to be my own advocate, I have to run around and do everything and all these errands without a car while I’m also working at another job now which only gives me two days off, which is at least better than Freddy, and at least I will get paid overtime.

Meanwhile, my check didn’t go through from Maki Yaki. I was supposed to get a direct deposit and it didn’t happen. I have to ask them about it. I saw him typing it into the computer a couple days ago when I was there. This is yet another hassle I have to deal with.

Maki Yaki isn’t giving me a pay stub, either, and they’re not paying taxes. I do not care that they’re not paying taxes, and I don’t want them to, but if the CAO demands some paperwork from them, they’re not going to want to give it to me either. And I don’t want to get them in trouble, because they are treating me like a decent human being, unlike Freddy. I didn’t want to get Freddy in trouble either, because I love the Guatemalans and I want them to have jobs. I don’t know how much he’s paying Alejandro’s wife – she’s the one who is now the dishwasher. Since she’s married, OH, IT’S PERFECTLY FINE to underpay HER, because she has a husband taking care of her, and Freddy is indirectly paying for her apartment rental – unlike me! He pays for the apartments for the Guatemalans, but not for me. I wouldn’t be surprised if he only paid her $100 a week for 60 hours and expected her to thank him for it.

So when I think about this, the anger just goes up and up and up. Somebody answered my email to a craigslist ad, but their answer made no sense – they told me to send them my email, which would have already been plainly visible at the top of my email. I wouldn’t have been anonymous. I don’t think it sends it through the craigslist relay. So I sent him my email. He said it was ‘so that he could send me a picture and more information.’ That was bullshit. He sent nothing. There was no reply after that.

The anger. It builds up and up and up. I can’t get an apartment. I can’t get food stamps. I can’t get the fuck out of this house. I can’t get three days off at my job. I can’t make changes in my life. I can’t get the fuck out of this shithole town. I can’t save money. I had to pay to buy another sleeping bag when I already have sleeping bags just because I can’t go to the tent – it’s easier to go shopping at Wal Mart and just buy an additional sleeping bag than it is to go to the tent and retrieve the sleeping bag I already have, because it is extremely hard to walk down there and carry things back and forth.

I am stuck in every possible direction unable to do anything. And I didn’t even get my check from Maki Yaki to make me happy and make things easier for me. I could have at least looked in the bank account and seen that I got my direct deposit and felt relief that my Maki Yaki job was paying off. I only got the check that he wrote by hand on paper, which I deposited myself. I didn’t get the electronic one this week. I look in the bank over and over, see that it’s not there, and the anger increases because I have a feeling this is yet another hassle that I am going to have to deal with. Every hassle I have to deal with increases the anger. I will have to write reminders on paper to tell me to ask them about it when I go to work. I lose these little reminders.

I lost Jared Stohlmann’s number from the food stamps office and wasn’t able to call him directly, so I had to call the other number which takes me to an automatic answering machine telling me to press one for this, press two for that.

Everything, everything. I am going to snap, I just don’t know exactly how the snap will manifest. Is it going to be me suddenly quitting my job? That is the typical way that I snap. I could quit the job so that I would have more time to focus on all the things I need to do. ‘Snapping’ in the past always meant quitting a job suddenly without planning to. If I snap in that way, at least I would want to inform them that I am taking three days off instead of two, before getting fired or having whatever sort of conflict with them, and I don’t want to have conflicts with them – they are being nice to me.

So I don’t know if this is the hormones from pregnancy – I must wait, and wait, and wait, still longer, before the tests can be effective. They can’t detect the hormones at this early stage. I am never this angry unless I’m under the influence of drugs or hormones.

All I care about is getting my food stamps. I wasn’t even going to pursue Freddy for breaking all the laws he’s breaking. He still just refuses to sign a paper and I only needed it so I could give it to the food stamps people, who are so lazy, worthless, apathetic,
indifferent, and irresponsible that they aren’t going to take it upon themselves to advocate on my behalf and get this project done and set up an Action Squad to go after him. The MOST that they would EVER do would be to tell me, ‘Here’s a number you can call if you care enough to bother with calling it.’ That is not my goal. I JUST WANT MY GODDAMN FOOD STAMPS.

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